Obama Jokes

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Funniest Obama Jokes

Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

How do you get Donald Trump to change a lightbulb? You tell him Barack Obama installed it.

Funny Obama Jokes

Why did Obama get two terms? Because black men always get a longer sentence

Why did Obama serve two terms? Because blacks always get a longer sentence

America is racist When Barack Obama gives his speech, he stands behind a bulletproof glass . That shows how racist America still is.

Just because he's black, doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone



Thanks Frankie Boyle

How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."

Barack Obama goes to a costume party while giving his wife a piggyback ride. Someone asks him what he’s dressed up as and he responds “I’m a snail!” That’s M’Shell on my back

Where does Obama keep his armies? In the Baracks.

How do you get Trump to change a light bulb? Tell him Obama put it in.

Barack Obama is having a race with Joe Biden around the white house. After finishing the race Obama says "Whew, just under 10 minutes. Did I break the record?"

Biden replies "No, Bush did 9:11."

What is a government mandate? When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

What did Barack say to Michele when he asked her to marry him? I don't wanna be Obama self.

Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House... Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".

Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".

Obvious media bias Michelle Obama gives a speech when her husband is being nominated, and the media is generally positive. Melania Trump gives the exact same speech, and the media pretends it's some kind of scandal.

BREAKING: Barack Obama just elected President of the US - Sent from Internet Explorer

What does Donald Trump tell Barack Obama supporters? Orange Is The New Black

So President Trump wants to abolish the two term limit on the Presidency. Welcome back President Obama we missed you.

My grandfather used to tell me "the day a black man becomes president is the day pigs will fly!" Sure enough, right after Obama took office, swine flu.

It's interesting how different a US president looks at the end of their presidency. Obama had gray hair. Bush had a bunch of wrinkles.. At the end of JFKs presidency, half of his head was missing.

The fact that president Obama needs four inches of bullet proof glass at every public speaking event, is proof that racism is still alive Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot everyone.

What was the codename for the transition from Obama to Trump? Orange is the new black

What did Barack Obama say to Michelle when he proposed to her? I don't want to be Obama self.

If Donald trump takes over the presidency after Obama I guess you could say orange really is the new black

On the bright side... We can look forward to four more years of Michelle Obama speeches from our First Lady.

What did Barack Obama said to Michelle when he proposed? "I don't want to be Obama-self"

Obama smoked weed growing up and look where he is today Unemployed, with two kids and recently evicted

I don't see why Obama gave all his speeches behind bulletproof glass.. I know he's black and all but I doubt he'd actually shoot anyone.

Obama looks rough after the last 8 years in office. Still better than JFK after 2.

If you switch the B and S in Osama bin Laden, it becomes Obama Sin-Laden . . . Some might consider that prophetic, others slanderous. But I say it's just flippin' BS.

What did Barack Obama write inside his Valentines card? "I'm glad I've got you Michelle; I didn't want to be Obamaself"

Why don't people in Kuwait know who Obama is? Because they've been living under Iraq.

You know, people in the 1970s thought there would be a black president when pigs fly... Then Barack Obama was elected. And after a year, swine flu.

If Donald Trump replaces Barack Obama in the White House Does that mean that orange is the new black?

Michelle Obama gave a great speech last night I can't wait to hear it again at the next Republican National Convention.

I am still waiting for Trump to eat a Snickers ... ... so he becomes Obama again

You're not you when you're hungry

Why did Obama get two terms as President? Because every black man gets a longer sentence.

You know, those people who insult Obama and the Clintons.. really need to stop beating around the Bush.

Obama played the race card, Hillary played the gender card But America played the Trump Card

Why did President Obama get two terms? Because every black man gets a longer sentence.

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New Obama Jokes

Miss Obama stepped on a snail. What did the snail say? MESHELL!

How to easily solve the #NoMandatoryMask movement. Obama said nobody should wear a mask

Trump hears Obama got a smaller crowd than him "Really? What was he doing?" Trump asks gleefully

"Ordering breakfast at McDonalds drive thru." His aide said.

I like my coffee like Barack Obama a blend of Kenyan and Kona

What is Trump doing down in the bunker right now? He’s down there restocking the “cupboards” that President Obama left empty.

President Obama says there are many people in charge in the Trump Administration who don't know what they're doing It's a case of too many crooks in the kitchen.

What do you get when you mix barrack Obama with Bruce lee? Broccoli

Children born in the USA from 2008 to now haven’t had a white president It’s because Obama is black and Trump is orange.

You know, I never understood why Obama had to give his speeches behind bulletproof glass. I mean, I know he's black and all, but I highly doubt he's going to shoot anyone.

What would the headline be if Barack Obama walked on water across a lake in full view of a Fox News reporter? "OBAMA CAN'T SWIM"

What's the difference between a rained on Barack Obama and Mike Pence? When you ask them to go rainbow hunting Obama grabs his camera and Pence grabs his gun.

Call me Barack Cause I'll be spending this Valentine's Obama self

I had a dream Obama was still President. An evil robot Neobama came in to demand his surrender. Let me try to explain how Obama responded to this demand: S-s-sorry, uh uh uh, i-i I, uh, I uh uh, i-i can't

First there was Obama care, then there is Trump care Now can we get some healthcare?

I’m glad Obama killed Osama Bin Laden Before Trump could become friends with him.

How do you persuade Trump to believe climate change is happening? You tell him Obama didn't care about it.

Donald Trump is the best president since Obama

Obama doesn't live in a house He lives in a Barack

How do you get trump to change a lightbulb You tell him Obama put it in

How do you get Trump to change a lightbulb? Tell him Obama installed it

If Obama were to run once more and promise Trump he’d double-down on all of Trump’s policies except the migrant camps in exchange for support Trump would be stuck between Barack and a hard place

What did Obama say when Michelle left him “How could you leave Obama self”

What did Obama say when Michael left him “How could you leave me Obama self”

What did Kyle Carpenter say to Obama while receiving the Medal of Honor? edit: Thanks for the gold kind stranger

If Michelle Obama was Barack Obama’s sister where would they live? Al-Obama

Why isn't Dora allowed to explore Syria? Because Obama told her "no Boots on the ground!"

“Cocaine’s a helluva drug” - Malia Obama (probably)

If Obama declared bankruptcy and started living on the streets, what would be his Economic Status? Baroque

When Obama gave his first speech as president he was behind bulletproof glass I don't think it's fair.. just cuz he black don't mean he gunna shoot anyone

Neither President Obama nor President Trump has done anything for the people of Mississippi. For example, they still live there.

How did Barrack Obama propose? He got on one knee and said, "I don't want to be obamaself"

Obama smoked weed, and now look where he is today Unemployed with two kids and evicted

Barack Obama walks into a Subaru dealership... The salesman asked him, "What are you looking for?"

Obama says, "I'm looking for a replacement because my legacy got wrecked."

Obama walks into a Toyota dealership And tries to by a Legacy...

Why did it always take so long for President Obama to get into the presidential limo? The driver got scared and kept pressing the door lock button when he saw him approach.

What did barack say to Michelle I don’t want to be Obama self

How did Obama propose to Michelle? He got down to one knee, pulled out the ring and said "I don't want to be obamaself"

At least everyone can agree on one thing As president, Trump speaks the truth almost as often as Obama lied

We are going to need to re-elect Obama once Trump is done... to go on an apology tour.

Bush, Clinton, Trump, and Obama decided to have a race. Trump went first. His time was 9 minutes and 50 seconds. Obama did a bit better. He finished the race in 9 minutes and 45 seconds. Clinton came in 9 minutes and 24 seconds. And Bush did 9:11.

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Long Obama Jokes

So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop...

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel." The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?" Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

Trump and Obama getting haircut is same barbershop

Donald Trump and Barack Obama end up in the same barbershop As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics. As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. Trump was quick to stop him saying "No way buddy, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a damn whorehouse." The second barber turned to Obama and said "How about you?" Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.

A white man, a black man and an orange man walk into the bar.

The white man goes up to the bar to order a whiskey. The barman goes, "Hey, aren't you George Bush?"
"Yes, I am" he replies. "Well Mr. President it's an honor."
Then the black man goes up to the bar to get his drink. "Hey, aren't you Barack Obama?" asks the barman. "Yes I am", Obama responds. "Two presidents in my bar in one day; this is the highlight of my life" the barman gushes.

Then the orange man walks up to the bar. The barman immediately tells him to get out of the bar. Furiously, he asks why and the barman exclaims "Ted; you just got a new liver last week. Your wife would kill me if I gave you a drink."

Donald Trump and Barak Obama end up in the same barbershop

Donald Trump and Barak Obama end up in the same barbershop
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Trump was quick to stop him saying "No way buddy, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a damn whorehouse."
The second barber turned to Obama and said "How about you?"
Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.

Donald Trump and Barrak Obama end up in the same barbershop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn into politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.

Trump was quick to stop him saying "No way buddy, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a damn whorehouse."

The second barber turned to Obama and said "How about you?"

Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

EDIT : damn I didn't think this would get so much attention, and yes I am very well aware that I spelled OhBummer's name incorrectly. AND THANKS FOR THE GOLD KIND STRANGER

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race

Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest


Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes

Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes


Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic

Until Bush did 9:11

Donald trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.

Donald trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.

​

As they sat there each being worked on by a different barber not a word was spoken the barbers were even afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn to politics.

​

As the barbers finished their shaves the one who had trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.

​

Trump was quick to stop him saying 'no way buddy my wife will smell that and think I’ve been in a damn whorehouse.

​

The second barber turned to Obama and said, 'how about you?'

​

Obama replied 'go ahead my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.’

​

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow

They're debating the merits of their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better.

Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics.

Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight.

Obama: I don't believe you. I bet if we take your limo out for a spin I'll see some drunks staggering around.

Putin: Okay, let me prove you wrong. We'll drive around and if you see a single drunk you can shoot them with my own gun.

Putin let's the FSB know what they're doing, and tells them to do a sweep and round up every single drunk on their route. He says if Obama sees a single drunk everyone will get sent to Siberia.

Obama and Putin drive around for 10 minutes, and the streets are empty. Not a single person is out, let alone a drunk. Obama is about to accept defeat when a visibly drunk man staggers out of an apartment building, singing a Russian folk song. Obama leans out the window and shoots him.

Obama: See Vlad, I saw one person and he was drunk! All Russians are drunks!

Six months later Putin travels to Washington DC and he and Obama are having the same argument about morals and society. Putin suggests they do the same thing they did in Moscow, and he will shoot any drunks that he sees on Washington's streets. Obama let's the Secret Service know to go ahead and make sure there are no drunks anywhere on their route.

The two presidents drive around for 10 minutes, without seeing anyone. Just as they're turning around a huge group of drunks stumbles out of a bar. Putin gets excited, leans out the window and mows them all down. He teases Obama for the rest of the night.

Putin: Barack, you said Russians were worse drunks than Americans. I just killed 20 of them, looks like Russia wins again!

The next morning Vladimir Putin picks up the newspaper and sees the headline: 20 Russian Embassy Workers Slain In Drive-By Shooting.

Obama went on a run

and fell in a river.

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three young boys pulled him out of the river. Obama said my god, you saved the president of your country. name any one thing you want and you'll have it.

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The first boy said he wanted a house for his mother, they'd never had a house. Obama bought it.

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The second boy wanted to go to Disney world. Obama made it so.

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The third boy asked for a wheelchair. Perplexed, Obama said "Why do you need a wheel chair, you seem to walk fine".

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The young boy replied "well now, sure. but wait until my dad finds out i saved your life."

President Obama visits the Pentagon...

President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology.

A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. One is a powered exoskeleton and the other is an invisibility cloak. Which would you like to try first?"

Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear."

George Bush is with the Queen of England.

George: "Your Majesty, any tips you can give me to stay in power, the way you have been for so long?"

"Well" said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

George frowned and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me
are intelligent?"

The Queen: "Easy, you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "David Cameron, would you come in here, please?"

David Cameron walked into the room and said, "Yes, ma'am?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered, "That would be me, ma'am."

"Very good! Thank you, David!" said the Queen.

Then she turned to George with a smile and said "See?"

Now its George's turn to apply the same logic...

George went back to the USA and asked Jeb..
"Jeb, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure." said Jeb. "Let me get back to you on that one..."

Jeb went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer...

Finally, he ran into Obama and asked, "Hey, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"..

Obama answered, "That's easy, it's me!"

Jeb said, "Thanks!"

Then he went back to George. "I did some thinking and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Barack Obama."

George slapped him.
and shouted..
"No! You dumb idiot! It's David Cameron."

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race

The people of the US hated all the candidates so much that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be.
Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea:
A literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the white house, and the best time would become president.
Bernie Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, he takes 24 minutes.
Trump goes next and posts a time of 14 minutes 24 seconds.
Hillary Clinton goes last, running as fast as she can in an effort to beat Trumps time. She finally crosses the finish line in just under 10 minutes.
"Aha, that must be some kind of record!" she exclaims.

"I don't think so," says Obama, "Bush did 9:11"

Obama and Trump are at a barbershop

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. Trump was quick to stop him, saying:

“No thanks, my wife will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse.”

The second barber turned to Obama and said: “How about you, Mr. Obama?

Obama replied, “Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”

Bush, Obama and Trump go to a job interview with God...

God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well", says God. "Come sit to my right."

Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good", says God. "You shall sit to my left."

Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"

Trump answers: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."

Obama, Putin and Merkel at the baltic sea

Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.

Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.

Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.

Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil Hitler! Is the war over?

Barack V/s Trump

Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop, can you just imagine…

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn nasty.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave.

But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."

The second barber turned to Barack and said, "How about you, Mr. Obama ?"

Barack replied, "Go right ahead, my wife Michelle, doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like."

The 2016 Presidential Race is ending...

It's the end of the 2016 presidential race and the people of the United States hated all the candidates so much that nobody voted. The government is in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: a literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the White House and the person with the best time would become president. Bernie Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, he takes about 24 minutes. Trump goes next and arrives with a time of 14:26. Hillary Clinton goes last, running as fast as she can, trampling the flowers and shrubs in her way in an effort to beat Trump's time. She finally crosses the finish line at just under ten minutes.

"Aha!" She exclaims, "That must be some kind of record!"

"I don't think so," says Obama, "Bush did 9:11"

Angela Merkel visits Donald Trump in Washington

During her stay Trump asks her: "Tell me Chancellor Merkel, what's the secret of your years of success?"

Chancellor Merkel responds: "Well I have always surrounded myself with intelligent people."

"Very interesting", says Trump, "but how exactly do you know if they are intelligent?"

"Well I just ask them a couple of simple questions. By their response I can quickly determine whether someone is intelligent or not."

"Would you mind showing me how to do that?" Trump asks.

Angela picks up the phone and calls Wolfgang Schäuble, her Minister of Finance and asks: "it's the son of your father but it's not your brother. Who is it?" The Minister replies: "That's easy, it's obviously me!"

Totally impressed Trump returns to the oval office and calls up his Vice-president Michael Pence. "Mike I have a question for you. It's the son of your father but it's not your brother. Who is it?" Micheal stalls for a moment, not knowing the answer. He tells Trump that he will sleep over it.

In the morning he wakes up still without a solution. So he rings up Barack Obama and passes the riddle to him. Obama immediately respons: "Well that's me!"

Relieved Michael calls up Trump and exclaims: "I got the answer to your question...it's Barack Obama!!!"

After a moment of silence, Trump explodes: "No you idiot, it's Wolfgang Schäuble!!!"

George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a job interview with God.

God asks Bush: “What do you believe in?”

Bush replies: “I believe in a free economy, a strong America, the American nation and so on ...”

God is impressed by Bush and tells him: “Great, come sit on the chair on my right.”

God goes to Obama and asks: “What do you believe in?”

Obama replies: “I believe in democracy, helping the poor, world peace, etc. ...”

God is really impressed by Obama and tells him: “Well done, come sit on the chair on my left.”

Finally, God asks Trump: “What do you believe in”?

Trump replies: “I believe you're sitting on my chair.”

Donald Trump and Barack Obama go to the same barber...

...and one day, they walk in at the same time. Neither of them acknowledges the other. They both sit down, and have their hair cut at the same time by different barbers. The politicians don't speak, and neither do their barbers, lest the topic of politics come up.

After many minutes of silence, Trump's barber asks him if he wants a shave. Trump replies, "Fine, but skip the aftershave. I don't want my wife smelling me and thinking I've been to a *whorehouse!*"

Soon after, Obama's barber asks him if he would like a shave. Obama answers, "Of course, and go crazy with the aftershave. My wife has never been to a whorehouse, and certainly doesn't know what one *smells* like!"

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