Fox Jokes

Contents

Funniest Fox Jokes

Funny Fox Jokes

Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses only the highest-quality ingredients.

How do you turn a Fox into an Elephant? Marry her.

What does the Fox say? We're canceling all of your favorite shows.

I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

A black man, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Hello, Mr. President!"

Courtesy of my Fox News-watching mom...

Dear Fox News..... I have yet to see any news about foxes.

Sincerely, Disappointed viewer.....

What's the difference between a Shakespeare comedy and Fox News? One's The Taming of the Shrew, the other is the shaming of the true.

How do you turn a fox into a elephant? You marry her!

Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses the best ingredients.

I saw Michael J. Fox in a gardening centre the other day... He had his back to the fuchsia.

James Bond walks into a bar... James Bond walks into a bar.

Michael J. Fox is the bartender.

James Bond says "I'll have a martini."

He does not need to specify.

Two blondes are in the woods looking at a set of tracks. "They're wolf tracks," says the first.

"No way! Those are fox tracks!" Exclaims the second.


The two fight back and forth so loud they didn't hear the train coming.

Fox News has determined the cause of the recent plane crash. It was the left wing.

How do you turn a fox into a whale? Marry her.

"What earthquake?" ~ Michael J. Fox

How do you turn a fox into a cow? Marry it

how come Michael J. Fox can make such good milkshakes? because he is rich and can afford high quality ingredients!..

How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.

Black man kills conservative politician! The final Fox News spin on Osama's death.

What does the Fox say? not the news

What do you get when you cast Michael J. Fox as Walter White? Shaking Bad.

What do you do when you find Michael J. Fox in your hot tub? .....Add your laundry.

Canadian Joke: How was Terry Fox like Hitler? He couldn't finish a race either.

How do you turn a fox into a cow? Marry her

I needed to have some white noise on in the background to help me fall asleep Fox News seemed to do the trick.

How do you turn a fox into a hippo? marry it

Why does Michael J Fox make the best milkshakes? He uses only top notch fresh ingredients

Who is James Bond's favorite bartender? Michael J Fox

How do you turn a Fox into and Elephant? You Marry it.

What do Hitler and Terry Fox have in common? Neither could finish a race.

How do you turn a fox into a cow? You marry her.

How do you turn a cobra into a rattlesnake? Give it to Michael J Fox

Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? He uses the finest ingredients.

How does Michael J. Fox like his martinis? ***Seriously?!***

What do you call Michael J. Fox spinning around in a chair? A fidget spinner

For Christmas my wife wanted a stuffed Reynard, but I forgot. So... Zero fox given.

FOX new has saved my legs! I got into a terridle car crash and and lost the use of my legs. When I was in the hospital, FOX news came on the TV. I got up to change the channel.

Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milk shakes? Because he uses the finest ingredients.

Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.

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New Fox Jokes

Michael J. Fox has contracted coronavirus Contact tracing shows he got it from shaking hands

My pet fox died... It’s no wonder, ‘cause he was a 20th Century Fox.

How does Fox News greet it’s watchers? “Good afternoon folks, I hope you’ve been doing alt-right!”

Pretty sure I saw Michael J Fox at the garden center this morning, it certainly looked like him.. But he had his back to the fuchsia....

General Mathis served in the marines for 44 years and John Dowd was a JAG for a few years # Jagass !!

​

*(No offence to the honest, decent JAGS and this is from a post I saw on fox forums)*

Daring the hottest girl in the city reminds me of Fox News... ...when she tries to tell me stories, all I can see is holes.

Fox News is reporting President Trump's polling at an all-time low.... ...with only a 108% approval rating.

How do u turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it.

Why does Thanos watch Fox News? Because it’s fair and perfectly balanced.

What kind of Fox is most at risk from Covid 19? Micheal J. Because hand shakes are dangerous.

Ben Shapiro's Doctor Wife had to perform oral surgery on him. The fox don't care about his fillings.

Michael J Fox grabs a soda... His friend says: “You never drink those.”

Michael replies: “I just figured I’d shake things up”

Latest Fox News election poll shows Trump way ahead ... ... in all 87 states.

What would the headline be if Barack Obama walked on water across a lake in full view of a Fox News reporter? "OBAMA CAN'T SWIM"

Why Did The Parents Let Terry Fox Date Their Daughter? Because they knew he wouldn't go all the way!

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one. Michael J. Fox has a short one. Madonna does not have one. The Pope does not really use his. And Justin Bieber always uses his. What is it? A last name

Dr. Marc Siegel said the coronavirus was nothing to worry about on Fox News yesterday. I’m not usually one for misinformation, but if fox viewers want to stop washing their hands, I say go for it.

What's the difference between a fox and a dog? About 8 pints of lager

I shook hands with Michael J Fox earlier. Took 2 hours.

What does the Fox say? Something right wing I guess

Just saw Micheal J Fox in the local garden centre At least I think it was him - he had his back to the fuchsias.

How does Micheal J Fox make a milkshake? With only the finest ingredients.

I hate corny animal puns. For Fox sake, please stop them!

What's the difference between a dead fox on the road and a dead Donald Trump on the road? There are skid marks in front of the fox.

How do you kill a one-legged fox? You make it run across Canada.

​

Source: Terry Fox

Cringe Airlines What happens when you combine Fox News, CNN, and a Fleshlight.

You get a plane

The right wing, the left wing, and the cockpit.

Why can the fox from Dora the Explorer not open his new iPhone? Because "Swiper no swiping, Swiper no swiping, Swiper no swiping"

The National Geographic Channel has been bought up by Rupert Murdoch's Fox media empire. From now on they'll mostly be showing documentaries about how migratory birds come over here and take all our worms.

Why do Michael J Fox and Taylor Swift have in common? They both shake it off.

Fox has just announced they have canceled Empire I hope Jussie Smollett doesn’t beat himself up over it.

Trump walks into a bar...The barman asks "How's it going?" Trump says "I don't know, Fox hasn't told me yet:

How do you make a fox die? You make it run across Canada
im sorry

What do you get when you cross a Fox with a bunny? One fox and one dead bunny.

What does the fox say when ordering at Starbucks? Hot tea, hot tea, hot tea, ho!

A Banker, a Fox News fan and a welfare recipient are at a table sharing 12 cookies... The banker takes 11 cookies and says to the Fox News fan: "Watch out for the welfare guy, he wants your cookie!".

What's the quickest way to turn a fox into a dog? Marry it.

What's the difference between a fox and a dog? About 8 pints of larger.

Michael J. Fox And Snoop Dogg Shake and Bake

Knock Knock Who’s there?

Interrupting Fox.

Interrupting Fox who?

.............................

I'm gonna catch a little fox and put him in a box And then at least one of my childhood goals will be achieved

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Long Fox Jokes

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know what this means, right?" The rabbit trembled and said:"I am so-o-o-rrrrry, sire, I-I-I couldn't find any me-e-a..." BAM! The rabbit fell to the ground, with tears in his eyes. Then he stood up and started laughing. The lion looked at him in confusion and asked:"Are you OK? Why are you laughing? " The rabbit: " Oh, it is nothing, mylord, I just remembered that the hedgehog is down the line, bringing you an apple. "

Found 4 fox cubs

I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

A man is walking through the woods...

when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"

A man is walking through the woods when he comes across a suitcase.

Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everybody knows that a fox will always win over a rabbit."

"Not really, not according to my research. If you like, you can come into my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you can go ahead and have me for lunch."

"You really are crazy!" But since the fox was curious and had nothing to lose, it went with the rabbit. The fox never came out.

A few days later the rabbit was again taking a break from writing and sure enough, a wolf came out of the bushes and was ready to set upon her.

"Wait!" yelled the rabbit, "you can't eat me right now."

"And why might that be, my furry appetizer?"

"I am almost finished writing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

The wolf laughed so hard that it almost lost its grip on the rabbit.

"Maybe I shouldn't eat you; you really are sick ... in the head. You might have something contagious."

"Come and read it for yourself; you can eat me afterward if you disagree with my conclusions." So the wolf went down into the rabbit's hole ... and never came out.

The rabbit finished her thesis and was out celebrating in the local lettuce patch. Another rabbit came along and asked, "What's up? You seem very happy."

"Yup, I just finished my thesis."

"Congratulations. What's it about?"

"'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right."

"Oh yes. Come and read it for yourself."

So together they went down into the rabbit's hole. As they entered, the friend saw the typical graduate abode, albeit a rather messy one after writing a thesis. The computer with the controversial work was in one corner.

And to the right there was a pile of fox bones, on the left a pile of wolf bones.

And in the middle was a large, well-fed lion.

The moral of the story: The title of your thesis doesn't matter. The subject doesn't matter. The research doesn't matter.

All that matters is who your advisor is

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, ”can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “sure, why not!” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.


A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


**Moral of the story**: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

The Superiority of Rabbits

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather. The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everybody knows that a fox will always win over a rabbit."

"Not really, not according to my research. If you like, you can come into my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you can go ahead and have me for lunch."

"You really are crazy!" But since the fox was curious and had nothing to lose, it went with the rabbit. The fox never came out.


A few days later the rabbit was again taking a break from writing and sure enough, a wolf came out of the bushes and was ready to set upon her.

"Wait!" yelled the rabbit, "you can't eat me right now."

"And why might that be, my furry appetizer?"

"I am almost finished writing my thesis on 'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

The wolf laughed so hard that it almost lost its grip on the rabbit.

"Maybe I shouldn't eat you; you really are sick ... in the head. You might have something contagious."

"Come and read it for yourself; you can eat me afterward if you disagree with my conclusions." So the wolf went down into the rabbit's hole ... and never came out.


The rabbit finished her thesis and was out celebrating in the local lettuce patch. Another rabbit came along and asked, "What's up? You seem very happy."

"Yup, I just finished my thesis."

"Congratulations. What's it about?"

"'The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves.'"

"Are you sure? That doesn't sound right."

"Oh yes. Come and read it for yourself."

So together they went down into the rabbit's hole. As they entered, the friend saw the typical graduate abode, albeit a rather messy one after writing a thesis. The computer with the controversial work was in one corner.

And to the right there was a pile of fox bones, on the left a pile of wolf bones.

And in the middle was a large, well-fed lion.


The moral of the story:
The title of your thesis doesn't matter.
The subject doesn't matter.
The research doesn't matter.

All that matters is who your advisor is.

Corporate Lessons

**Lesson No. 1**

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing at all the whole day?"

The crow answered: ""Sure, why not."

So the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, leapt on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral: *To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.*


**Lesson No. 2**

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings," replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him the strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, he proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon, he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral: *Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.*

Three Blondes

Three blondes were walking in the woods when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Hey guys, look at the bear tracks." The second blonde said, "Are you stupid? Those are wolf tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong! Those are fox tracks!" They were all still arguing when the train hit them.

The Jewish Quarterback

The Jewish Quarterback


The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a thrower who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then, one night while watching Fox News he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football.
And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old woman says." You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,

"I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!

Michael J. Fox asked James Bond to come over for dinner one night.

Being a polite host, he offered Bond a drink when he arrived. "What'll ya have?" he asked.

"I'll have a Martini," Bond replied.

"How do you want it?" Michael J. Fox asked.

"Shaken, not stirred."

"Oh, thank God."

Army budget cuts

It was near the end of basic training and all the soldiers were getting ready for the war. A private came charging into his Lieutenant's office and said " Lieutenant, we don't have enough rifles. What am I going to use for the war?"

"I don't have time to deal with this right now" the lieutenant thought.

He grabbed a broom, sawed off the bottom, and handed it to the solder. "Here use this instead."

"How is this going to work?"

"When you see the bad guys coming at you, just point it at them and say 'Bangity Bang Bang, Bang Bang'".

So the private ran out with his new "rifle". But soon he came running back to the Lieutenant saying "Lieutenant, we don't have enough bayonets!"

The Lieutenant grabbed a piece of string off of his desk and gave it the private. "When you see the bad guys coming just throw this at them and say 'Stabity Stab Stab, Stab Stab.'"

So the private was all ready for his war. He was sitting in a fox hole, hating being out there, when he saw an enemy creeping along the top of a nearby hill.

He grabbed his broom, pointed it at the bad guy and said "Bangity Bang Bang Bangity Bang Bang" and he fell down dead.

"Wow this really works" thought the private. He started going through the underbrush when another enemy jumped out and try to gut him - he threw his string at him and said, 'Stabbity Stab Stab!'. The enemy fell down, dead.

Pretty soon, he saw another guy rampaging through the woods. He pointed his broomstick at him and yelled, 'Bangity Bang Bang!' Nothing, so he did it again, 'Bangity Bang Bang!' The guy was stomping he's feet. He threw the string, Stabbit Stab Stab!' The enemy kept stomping towards him and plowed over him, stomping him into the ground.

Then he heard the big guy mumbling as he went past "Tankity Tank Tank Tankity Tank Tank."

A Fox, a Rabbit and a Bear are about to be drafted into the military.

The Fox says “There is no way I’m the world I’m letting myself get drafted, we need to find a way for us to get excused. Are you guys with me?”
The Bear and the Rabbit agree.
The Fox, quickly thinking, suggests: “I’ll cut off my own tail. A Fox without a tail is useless, right?”
The Rabbit follows and says: “Well, I may not have much of a tail, but I’ll cut my ears off, nobody would want a Rabbit without ears!”
The Bear, scratching his head, mumbles: “Well, I don’t have much of neither, so I’ll just take this rock and smash my teeth out.”

Three days later the day of recruitment comes. The Fox is inspected first, the other two wait outside. A few moments later the Fox triumphantly walks out of the booth and says:
“They said a Fox without a tail wasn’t fit, so I’m not getting drafted!”
Excited, the Rabbit goes next, and after a couple of minutes he too appears and exclaims:
“Whoo! The ears really did it! They have no military use for me!”
Encouraged, the Bear goes next. After a few moments, he also comes out.
“So?” The Rabbit and Fox ask. “Did you get away too?”
The Bear replies: “Fey faid I waf too fat for duty.”

Two blondes are walking in a forest..

..when they come across some tracks.

The first blonde suggests they are fox tracks, but her friend thinks they may be bear tracks because of the large size of them, not wanting to be out done by her friend, the first blonde changes her mind and insists that they have to be deer tracks.

The two were still arguing when the train hit them.

In Soviet Russia, Comrade Wolf is going through his kill list.

Comrade Goat approaches him, *"Comrade Wolf, is my name on your list?"*

**"Yes."**

*"Give me one day to bid farewell to my family"*, Comrade Goat pleads.

***"Okay"***, says Comrade Wolf. He kills Comrade Goat after a day.

.

The next day, Comrade Ox approaches him, *"Comrade Wolf, is my name on your list?"*

***"Yes."***

*"Let me sort out my affairs. Please kill me tomorrow"*, Comrade Ox begs.

***"Okay"***, says Comrade Wolf. He kills Comrade Ox after a day.

.

On the third day, Comrade Fox approaches him, *"Comrade Wolf, is my name on your list?"*

***"Yes."***

*"Could you please remove it?"*

***"Okay."***

Three blondes are walking when they come across tracks. The first blondes says “I know these, they’re deer tracks!” The second says “No! They’re bear tracks” Finally the third speaks up and says “Your both wrong! They’re obviously fox trails!”

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

I was walking through the woods and found a suitcase containing a fox and four cubs...

I immediately called the RSPCA and told the lady on the other end.

"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure," I said, "But I guess that would explain the suitcase."

Office jokes.

A rabbit saw a bird sitting on a branch doing nothing and thought it looked good so he asked the bird, "Hey! That look good. Can I sit here and do nothing too?"

The bird nodded.

As soon as the rabbit sat down the the base of the tree a fox ran up and ate the rabbit.

Moral of the story? When you want to sit and do nothing, you must be sitting very high up.

---

A turkey wanted to climb a tree and tried as hard as he could but could only make it to the first branch.

So he asked his strong bovine friend for help, "Hey can you help me get to the top of that tree?"

"Sure," he replied, "Just eat some of my dropping as they are packed with nutrients!"

The turkey did and was able to reach the 3rd branch. So he decides to eat even more and this time he makes it to the 7th. Then he eats as much as he possible can and he finally made it to the top!

Then he got tired and the wind easily blew him off and he hit the ground and died.

Moral of the story? Bullshit may get you to the top but it wont keep you there.

Three blondes in a wood

Three Blondes are walking through a wood.
They come across some tracks on the ground.
The first blonde says "these are deer tracks."
The second blonde says "no, these are bear tracks."
The third blonde says "no, these are fox tracks."
*smack* and that's when the train hit them.

Someone call for a religious joke

A Daoist monk, a Father, and a Priest talking about how to cleanse their temples that have been overridden with squirrels. the monk says "Well, I decided that it is Gods will for the squirrels to be there so I left them alone". The Father says "I spread fox urine around which worked for a week, but the squirrels wised up so they came back". The Priest exclaimed "I got rid of them! I caught each one, then baptized them so they only come back on Christmas and Easter!"

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