Hilarious Musician Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Musician Jokes

If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called... **Algorithms.**

Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.

Score: 1600

What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician? A rock musician plays 3 chords for 20,000 people, and a jazz musician plays 20,000 chords for 3 people

Score: 1178

People told Beethoven he could not be a musician because he was deaf. He didn't listen though.

Score: 851

How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? You take the pizza delivery sign off

Score: 640

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Score: 262

A young child says to his mother... "Mom, when I'm a grown-up I want to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't be both."

Score: 141

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What's the difference between a musician & a park bench? A park bench can support a family of 4

Score: 136

Why the musician sold his computer... Not enough gigs.

Score: 118

What's the easiest way to pay a musician? Open the door, hand him the cash and take the pizza

Score: 113

What does a rock artist say to a jazz musician? To the airport please

Score: 91

What's the difference between a pizza and a musician? A pizza can feed a family of four.

Score: 90

How do you get a musician off your porch? Pay for the pizza.

Score: 74

What should you do when a musician comes to your door? Pay him and take your pizza.

Score: 68

My friend is so rich He thought Manual labor was a Spanish musician

Score: 66

Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon. 10 gigs for $80 a month

Score: 65

Why did the musician give his daughters the same name? So he could yell "Anna 1, Anna 2!"

Score: 55

Why was the musician arrested? He fingered A Minor.

Score: 54

What's the quickest way to get a musician off your front porch? Tip him for the pizza.

Score: 47

How do you get a musician off of your porch? You pay for the pizza.

Score: 46

What's the difference between a Blues musician and a Jazz musician? A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands.

A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3

Score: 40

Two people are walking down the street...... One is a musician. The other doesnt have any money either.

Score: 39

What do you call a musician who's been dumped by his girlfriend? Homeless!

Score: 38

What do you call a dead musician? A decomposer.

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Did you hear about the musician who played through the silent part of a song? He was charged with resisting a rest

Score: 36

As a musician, I hate the key of E minor. It gives me the E-B-G-Bs.

Score: 36

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? Homeless

Score: 35

Someone told me I couldn't be a musician because I'm deaf. But I didn't listen to them.

Score: 33

What's the difference between a musician and a park bench? A park bench can support your family.

Score: 32

What do you call a musician with no girlfriend? Homeless.

Score: 31

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he was invited to a classical musician theme Halloween party? I'll be Bach.

Score: 26

A musician died while smoking weed from a dollar bill... At least he went out on a high note

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How do you get a musician off your front porch? Pay for the pizza.

Score: 15

Why did the musician get arrested? He was caught fingering A minor.

Edit: one word.

Score: 9

When I told my parents I wanted to be a blues musician they I decided it was time to have "the sax talk"

Score: 7

Why did the musician get sent to prison? Because he touched A minor

Score: 7

Arnold Schwarzenegger is asked in an interview... If you could be reincarnated as any famous musician in history, Who would it be.

He replies "I'll be Bach."

Score: 7

What's the difference between a classical musician and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of five.

Score: 6

What would Ed Sheehan be if he wasn't a famous musician? A virgin

Score: 6

Did you hear about the classical musician who couldn't find work? He was Baroque.

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New Musician Jokes

The sound of a musician on the stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience. A pigeon with a twig on a stage... Doesn't because a coo sticks

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What did the musician say when their track was very long? This song goes as far as the I can sing.

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What did the musician say to the bully who said he would beat him over the head with his own guitar ? “ you know I feel like that’s a fret.”

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Who is chickens’ favorite classical musician? Bach.

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George Michael was once a little-known musician, but once he finally hit the charts... Wham! He was a superstar.

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What do you call a classical musician who never marries? A bach-ler.

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Why did the Composer marry the Musician? It was an arranged marriage.

Score: 2

My favorite musician is Chris Brown. He's got a good beat.

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A competing musician is asked to give his opinion during an interview for a documentary about a famous string orchestra.... “So, what do you think of the group?” The interviewer asked.
He responded, “they look like a bunch of f-holes to me.”

Score: 2

My attempt to travel to North Korea to become a popular jazz musician failed. Turns out they've got no Seoul.

Score: 3

What a musician favo(u)rite snack? Quavers.

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Did you hear about the musician who had to replace his broken metronome? It was because he couldn't count on it anymore.

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When asked about the difficulties of being a blind musician, Stevie Wonder replied.. "It could be worse, I could be black."

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Lin-Manuel Miranda is a great musician He's made a few good Hamil-tunes

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What do a musician and a large pizza have in common? Neither one can feed a family of four.

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Why was the musician bad at fishing? Because he didn't know how to tuna fish

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What do you call a jazz musician who doesn't have a girlfriend? A homeless person.

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A musician had nothing to do so he decided to go have a drink, but the door was locked. The bar door barred the bored bard.

Score: 4

Who is a rodent's favorite musician? Rat King Cole

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Couldn't get laid in high school I was in a band. I was a musician. I'm like girls like musicians. This is gonna work and I'm like, "Hey girl, do you want to see my band on Friday? And she's like," Maybe, what's the name of your band?"

Marching.

Score: 3

What's a musician's favorite power tool? A Bandsaw

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How can you tell apart a computer scientist and an aspiring musician? Ask them what 'unsigned' means.

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What do you call a flat chested musician? She♭

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What did the musician say as he got kidnapped? "I'm in treble!"

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Which musician drinks the most? ...the pianist.

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I'm a musician, and my friends complain that I just always play so far away. I can't help that it's my favorite Staind song.

Score: 1

How does a musician spell the alphabet? CDEFGABHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

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Who do Musician's pray to? Gsus

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I became a Musician instead of a Linguist because I prefer G strings to Dipthongs.

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How did the musician destroy the church? By using instruments of mass-destruction

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Did you hear about the musician who named his daughter Sharp? He didn't have the heart to tell her she was accidental.

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What do you call a communist hip-hop musician? MC Hammer and Sickle.

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Did you know Hilary Clinton is an excellent musician? She plays the lyre really well.

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What's the difference between musician and a pizza? A pizza can feed family of four.

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A party was held for current and former actors where you had to come as your favourite musician. When Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked what he was going to wear, his response was I'll be Bach

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