If Facebook buys Gmail, instead of 'mark as read' the feature will be called, 'Mark has read'.
This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable. He’s explaining Facebook to old people.
Your parents in 1996: "Don't trust ANYBODY on the internet!" Your parents today: "Freedom Eagle dot facebook says Hillary invented AIDS."
The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
I just installed a new app on my phone that lets me know which of my friends are racist. It's called 'Facebook'
Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter. He runs Facebook.
Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook.
He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"
I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand.
Why does Donald trump use twitter instead of Facebook? Because he has followers, not friends.
Just found an app that tells you which of your family members and friends are racist. It's called Facebook.
Why does Voldemort use Twitter but not Facebook? He only has followers, not friends.
Just found this cool new app that tells you which family members are racist... Its called Facebook
Tinder is for rookies Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill...
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat.
I think if he had to build his own computer he'd wouldn't whine on Facebook.
My ex updated her status on Facebook to standing on the edge of a cliff. So I poked her
My daughter asked me what "fap fap fap" means... I think I should stop commenting on her Facebook pictures.
Facebook is set to release its own webmail client... ...emails will be flagged as "Mark has read"
My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:
My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:
Does anybody know what ‘ternative’ means?
I was at an important job interview today, when they asked me if I was on Facebook…
"Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.
"Look, just put your phone away, will you!?"
Me- "Do you know in middle east most of married girls can't even vote on Facebook opinion poll".
Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east".
Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".
Just tried to change my password to.. Just tried to change my password to.. 'The_Last_Jedi,' but Facebook wouldn't let me. Said there are too many useless characters.
If Facebook buys Gmail.... If Facebook buys Gmail then the 'mark as seen' option would be changed to 'Mark has seen'.
New fast and the Furious movie should be called... 'Fast 10: Your Seat belts' Source: Wife's Facebook... made me chuckle.
Earlier today I saw the Facebook group 'kids vs cancer' Well, it turns out writing "my money is on cancer every time" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail.
Facebook is like jail You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know
If it wasn't for my wife, I'd probably be writing depressive Facebook messages all day. But she changed my password.
One day Facebook, YouTube and Twitter will merge. It will be called YouTwitFace.
Guys that try and pick up girls on Facebook are pathetic.. Girls, if you agree message me your number so we can talk about it.
There's an website you can use to see if your family is racist. It's called Facebook
Facebook bought WhatsApp for $19 billion. What a bunch of morons. They could've just downloaded it for free.
I just realized I haven't taken a Facebook quiz in years. I don't even know who I am anymore.
What spoils quicker than unrefridgerated meat? The Walking Dead's facebook page.
I don't understand Facebook. If I wanted to convince complete strangers that my life was better than theirs I'd become a rapper.
A plus sign, a multiplication sign , and a minus sign walk into a bar. The bartender serves the multiplication sign first, then he serves the plus sign, and the minus sign from left to right and a bunch of people from Facebook don't know why.
Just met a guy
I saw this in one of my university facebook pages:
Just met a guy. Omg he was so fit. Handsome even. Never will I meet a guy like him again. Caring. Emotional. Nice. And his name is the first letter of each sentence.
'No one likes this' Just changed my Facebook name to 'No one' so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say 'No one likes this'.
Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.
Facebook says: I know everyone. Google says: I know everything. The "Internet" says: Ya'll are nothing without me. Electricity says: Not this game again...
Studies show liberals are less susceptible to 'fake news' I read it on Facebook.
Roses are Red
Roses are Red, Violets are Blue
Pornhube is down
Your Facebook will do
Toddlers use crayons to write on walls, teenagers scribble with spray paint, young adults tag friends facebook walls, and... ... cynical adults leave curmudgeon commentary on other social medias !!!
whats the best way of seeking yr wifes attention at home? send her a message on facebook
What is it called when your grandma becomes an irritating facebook woman? Sharon is Karen
At my age now, people say facebook is a great way to connect with old friends Well at my age if i wanted to connect with old friends i would need a Ouija board.
My girlfriend is very upset at me for not making a girlfriends day post about her on Facebook. But not as mad as my wife would be if she saw me post about my girlfriend on Facebook so it all works out.
What do you call Post Malone when he's on Facebook by himself? Post Alone.
Facebook has promised to protect users from future data misuse. Meanwhile, Darth Vader is teaching CPR.
The guy I hate in my class threw a pen at the back of hy head...
...and yelled ''Headshot!''
I picked the dictionary that was on my desk, turned around and threw it at his face, right before yelling ''FACEBOOK!''
How do you get all the white girls on Facebook to die? Tell a funny joke.
Facebook Birthdays. Facebook birthdays don't remind me to say happy birthday. Instead, they remind me to systematically remove the kids from high school who I haven't talked to in five years.
Facebook was down. Then someone knocked on my door... -it was a couple of my friends with dinner plates in their hands. They wanted me to see what they were having today.
I may have testicular cancer which proves the phrase "use it or lose it". I apologize in advance if this has been said; I didn't Google beforehand. I actually posted this to Facebook, but had to delete it after concerned texts.
I took an iq test yesterday on Facebook, as a matter of act... and it told me im a genius! in the *top 99%*!
So my wife said there's a ton of ISO's on Facebook for girl guide cookies. I said we should post it at a boosted price because they are mint in box.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status..... ...... after 3 it should default to 'unstable'.
Facebook told me the funniest name for a blood mage goblin It's a Hemogoblin.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
PS: Saw this somewhere on Facebook not my original.
If Stephen Hawkins passes out do you take him to A&E or PC World? Source: wife's Facebook feed
Why is Facebook Trump's favourite website? Because it has a wall.
What's the difference between meal prepping and eating left overs? About 30 seconds that it takes to post a picture of it on Facebook
I JUST BOUGHT A BOAT! I can't wait to see all the ads for better deals I'm going to get on Facebook!!!!
Asteriskie_, want to do a Privacy Checkup?
We care about your privacy [...]
—The Facebook Privacy Team
What will Facebook be called 10 years from now when most of the Internet is VR? InYourFacebook
Why dont fish have facebook accounts? Because they avoid the net.
The Energizer bunny got arrested today!
He was arrested for battery.
This was a joke I posted on Facebook 7 years ago.
Even though I got fired from facebook, I am still quite respected.. because I left a mark there.
How will you know if someone is not on Facebook? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Stolen from a friend on Facebook
Poor boy in hunger asked help from a woman I've already given a "like" on facebook
I'm pretty sure my next door neighbor thinks I'm a stalker. She wrote it on Facebook,Twitter, and in both of her diaries.
So I Heard Facebook has got a new fake news filter. All I wanna know is when they're gonna get the real one.
I just divorced my wife of six years. It was very amicable. She was the first one to "like" my Facebook status when I indicated I was single again.
2016 has been a bad year: my attorney sued me for assault, my health-club canceled my membership for non-payment. On the plus side, my social media presence increased! So 2016: Hit attorney, deleted gym...but Facebook up!
What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, hubble, hubble
[shamelessly stolen joke from the Facebook page of "Grammarly"]
Sarah, i understand that you are a feminist...
...but you can't end your prayer with "awomen" instead of "amen"
credits to an anonymous facebook post of which i was too lazy to read the name
How do old people stay in ouch with their deceased friends?
Through social mediums.
(Read this on Facebook. Take no credit, but I don't remember who said it.)
Only a fraction of you will understand
That there is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Took from a facebook page
Facebook is advertising to me that I could be a dress size smaller in 8 weeks... I think this is a sign of their commitment to avoiding discrimination and prejudice. After all, thin people have been excluded from weight-loss culture for far too long.
If Memes Were Horses
4chan would give birth to it.
Reddit would kill it.
9Gag would hump its dead body.
Facebook would dig up its corpse and attempt to turn its remains into Frankenstein.
I can't wish my mom a Happy Mothers Day because she doesn't have Facebook. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯