If Facebook buys Gmail, instead of 'mark as read' the feature will be called, 'Mark has read'.
This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable. He’s explaining Facebook to old people.
Your parents in 1996: "Don't trust ANYBODY on the internet!" Your parents today: "Freedom Eagle dot facebook says Hillary invented AIDS."
The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook.
He wrote in his facebook status "I love my girlfriend <3"
I knew that he liked them young but this is getting out of hand.
Just found this cool new app that tells you which family members are racist... Its called Facebook
Tinder is for rookies Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.
I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits. Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.
I logged into Facebook the other day and got a message saying "We value your privacy." Well I know that. How else could you sell it?
My daughter asked me what "fap fap fap" means... I think I should stop commenting on her Facebook pictures.
Facebook is set to release its own webmail client... ...emails will be flagged as "Mark has read"
My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:
My girlfriend just sent me a Facebook message saying:
Does anybody know what ‘ternative’ means?
Me- "Do you know in middle east most of married girls can't even vote on Facebook opinion poll".
Friend- "That's not true, there is no such law anywhere in middle east".
Me- "Yeah, but you need to be above 13 to use Facebook".
Just tried to change my password to.. Just tried to change my password to.. 'The_Last_Jedi,' but Facebook wouldn't let me. Said there are too many useless characters.
If Facebook buys Gmail.... If Facebook buys Gmail then the 'mark as seen' option would be changed to 'Mark has seen'.
Earlier today I saw the Facebook group 'kids vs cancer' Well, it turns out writing "my money is on cancer every time" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail.
Facebook is like jail You have a profile picture, you sit around all day writing on walls, and you get poked by guys you don't really know
If it wasn't for my wife, I'd probably be writing depressive Facebook messages all day. But she changed my password.
Guys that try and pick up girls on Facebook are pathetic.. Girls, if you agree message me your number so we can talk about it.
Facebook bought WhatsApp for $19 billion. What a bunch of morons. They could've just downloaded it for free.
Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one' so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this'.
Why is Facebook like a prison? Because you write on walls and people you don't know poke you.
My New Girlfriend
Facebook asks what I'm thinking.
Twitter asks what I'm doing.
Google asks where I am.
The internet has turned into my girlfriend.
I wanted to make friends but I had no facebook
So I went out on the street and started shouting what I cooked, ate or drank.
Right now I've got 3 followers - two cops and a psychiatrist
"Batman, we need your help in Paris immediately." "Worry not, Commissioner, I've already changed my Facebook profile picture."
If you're going to do something illegal don't plan it through Facebook Do it somewhere private where no one will see you, like google+.
I just realized I haven't taken a Facebook quiz in years. I don't even know who I am anymore.
Facebook is like a prison. You look around, write on walls, and are poked by people you don't know.
Just changed my Facebook name to 'No one'........ Just changed my Facebook name to 'No one' so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say 'No one likes this'
What did one passive aggressive republican say to the passive aggressive democrat? I don't know, let me go check my Facebook feed.
Why is it so hard to play cards in the jungle?
There are too many cheetahs.
Courtesy of the St. Louis Zoo Facebook page.
I log in facebook to see that everyone is at the bar... I go to the bar to see that everyone is on facebook.
What's the difference between a Pokemon Go player and a Facebook user?? Pokemon Go players are only wasting their own time ;)
Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one' so when.. Just changed my Facebook name to ‘No one' so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say ‘No one likes this'.
Facebook will reveal what information about you was leaked in recent years. Just log in and fill out this quiz on our new app.
My friend on Facebook who always posted the stupidest things faked his death. He’s back. Now all he does is postmortem things.
Facebook keeps suggesting that I watch videos of former American Vice Presidents dancing. All to do with the Al Gore rhythms, apparently.
Did you know that Facebook IQ tests can actually tell a lot about your intelligence? If you believe the results, it means you're not very intelligent.
To the person who hacked my Facebook account. It's totally fine if you can get my total number of friends up to 10.
Here's a poem I heard from a friend
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Pornhub is down, your Facebook will do
The CDC is warning people about biohazards in chimneys, but my dumb Facebook friends won't listen. They keep saying "It's just the flue, bro."
Facebook is where you find people who studied with you in school Twitter is where you find people you wish you studied with in school.
A man tells another that he makes a lot of money selling essential oils on Facebook So the other man replied “that doesn’t make any cents”
I've changed my Facebook name to Nobody Now when I Like something it will say "Nobody likes this".
Toddlers use crayons to write on walls, teenagers scribble with spray paint, young adults tag friends facebook walls, and... ... cynical adults leave curmudgeon commentary on other social medias !!!
I logged on to Facebook the other day only to post on my daughter's wall that she's a horrible dancer.
She asked why I would do such a thing.
I told her because I heard we were supposed to be "social diss dancing"
A Facebook friend of mine got arrested today
Dude's been posting about drug dealers.
Can't say I'm surprised, the writing was on the wall.
My wife complained,,
that the way my life revolves around Facebook has destroyed the way we communicate as a family.
So I blocked her..
A man stopped me in the street yesterday
And asked "what grooming products do you use?"
"Haribo's and Facebook works every time" I said.
I'm addicted to buying hatchets from other countries because of the smell.
I just love Foreign Axe Scents
**Taken from Axe Junkies facebook group I'm in.
Ever heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect? I read this Facebook article on it, so I'm basically an expert.
I saw a post on facebook that was about how people use hashtags wrongly and how they don't understand what the hashtags actually mean.
I agreed so I commented
I’m tired of the Facebook ads telling me I can lose 18 pounds and 8 inches in a month. Losing 18 pounds would be cool, but I don’t want to be five-foot two.
I can’t wait to get a girlfriend this year like that motivational quote on Facebook said I just hope that this year my van will be able to outrun them this time!
I made a “Epstein didn’t kill himself” joke on Facebook today..... I laughed, my friends laughed, the people involved with Epstein who are now going remain anonymous and never be punished laughed. Good times
I heard Facebook had published a list of 71 genders but when I looked there were only 70... Someone's hidden a gender, if you ask me...
I don’t know if Facebook has ever caused the lame to walk but it has certainly caused the dumb to speak
At my age now, people say facebook is a great way to connect with old friends Well at my age if i wanted to connect with old friends i would need a Ouija board.
I just changed my Facebook name to 'No one' Now when I see stupid post I click like and it says 'No one likes this'
My brother (27 YO) read this on Facebook on Friday. He's not stopped laughing since.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards of the boat?
If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat.
Instead of using Tinder or Bumble, go on Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses for sale. You will receive a list of recently divorced women in your immediate area, for free. Plus you can filter by size.
How much time per day so you waste on Facebook?
How much time per day do yo spend on Facebook?
I just told you 2 hours.
So you admit 100% of your Facebook time is wasted.