Hilarious Cat Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Cat Jokes

I think my cat might be a communist He won't shut up about Mao.

Score: 11915

How is a trans 4-year old like a vegan cat? We all know who’s making that decision

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What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of is paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

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I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’ You've probably seen our posters.

Score: 5643

A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "what'll you have?"
The cat says, "A shot of rum."
The bartender pours the cat his drink.
The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table.
"Another."

Score: 5284

I asked a librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 2308

Where would you park your camel? The Camelot.

PS Booze helped with this and now I'm laughing alone in my apartment

Edit: Went to class, came back, saw this. Me and my cat are thoroughly pleased.

Score: 2059

When I was five, my Dad put Snowballs in the blender to make a slushie... I miss snowballs, she was a good cat.

Score: 1462

My kids were hungry so I made them burgers from scratch. They got really upset and started to cry.

Scratch is a stupid name for a cat anyway..

Score: 1444

I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat. She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

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I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."

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I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 1025

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.

I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.

Score: 1010

What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Score: 896

Schrodinger's Cat recently went on a crime spree He's wanted dead and alive

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They found a cat on mars... A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

Score: 819

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."

Score: 617

What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has its claws at the end of its paws, and one is a pause at the end of a clause.

Score: 520

What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws, the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Score: 509

I just gave my cat some 7UP. Now he's got 16 lives.

Score: 488

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring. Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

Edit: this is /u/Onetap1's joke, credit goes to him

Score: 397

What do you call a boy cat sleeping on a bed? Himalayan.

*Be gentle. First post on here.

Score: 381

My kids cried when I told them I had put ginger in the curry. They loved that cat.

Score: 378

I'm in a band called Missing Cat. You've probably seen our posters.

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*A joke my son told me* - What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show? A Cat-Has-Trophey!

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Went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov’s dog and Schrodinger’s cat. The librarian said it rang a bell but she didn’t know if it was there or not.

Score: 346

Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks? They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.

Score: 338

I just found a dead body in the street So I took it home and put it on the cat's pillow

See how she f**king likes it !

Score: 299

My girlfriend threw up when I told her I put ginger in our curry. She loved that cat.

Score: 294

What's the difference between a comma and a cat? One is a pause at the end of a clause, the other has claws at the end of its paws.

Score: 287

Asked a librarian for that book on Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dogs today. Said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not

Score: 185

Good news: cat found on mars Bad news: curiosity killed the cat

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A guy asks a librarian if she has a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat She says, "It rings a bell but I can't be certain."

Score: 74

What's the difference between a comma and a cat? One has a pause at the end of a clause and the other has claws at the end of its paws.

Score: 61

I asked the librarian if they had the book about Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog... She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

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Do you know cat owners are 50% less likely to suffer from a heart attack mainly because their hearts are already broken

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What does a two-headed cat say?? Weow!

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I was told by the vet that i had to put my cat down... So i went home to it and said "You're fat and lazy."

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The other day, a wizard offered to turn me into a cat. The suggestion gave me pause.

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New Cat Jokes

Im questioning my vets qualifications after diagnosing my cat with gingervitis.. There isn't a single strand of red hair on her.

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Two friends are meeting in a bar Friend1: My wife and I got a new pet.

Friend2: Cool, what is it? A cat? A dog?

Friend1: Neither. It is a skunk.

Friend2: Oh gosh. Isn't it smelling totally awful in your home?

Friend1: Well, the pet will have to get used to it.

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My cat got another bumpersticker. BITE THE HANDS THAT DON'T FEED YOU.

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What’s the difference between a regular cat and a Minecraft cat? you’re allowed to move when a Minecraft cat sits on your chest.

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Today, a CAT fell on me. Would've been funny, had I not been in a construction site.

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What keyboard macro is used to get a cat on a computer? Tab E

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What did the owner say to his cat after she dressed as a dog? Naughty dog
(Not-a dog)

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What did the millennial say at a safari when a big cat jumped out in front of him? Ok puma

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I wanted to watch the Dallas cowboys in the superbowl... The cat said, "Not without a VCR"

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I saw a missing kitten poster at the end of my street, responds to "Rasputin" Now there was a cat who really was gone

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What do you call it when your doctor tells you to take your dead cat to a Taxidermist a refurral.

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Halloween is next month! Here's a Halloween themed joke for you all: Why is a black cat unlucky? It means you cooked it too long.

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I told my roommate, "I just reminded my neighbor 6 times to take his cat with him when he moves tomorrow." My roommate replied, " That's just your dementia." Ha, joke's on her. I remember all 3 times I told him.

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A cat jumps into a river Catfish.

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How did the alcoholic cat live for so long? He had nine livers.

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I bought a can of tuna cat food, but there was catfish meat inside. I got catfish catfish cat fish.

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What do you call a cat on the computer? A hacker

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What did the cat say after hearing to a funny joke ? Lmao.

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What did the cat say to the octopus with a gun in each tentacle ? You're one short, buddy.

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Which makes a better Doctor? A cat or a dog? of course its Cats! Dog's can't even run an MRI. But Cat's can!

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Grumpy cat is literally now A dead meme.

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What does a cat say after dropping a vase and you caught her in the act? Meow culpa

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I just saw 'Captain Marvel'. I like how there were lots of subtle 1990's references. Like how they made the cat with CGI from the 1990's.

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Did you know that most Arab households have a cat? They are used to scare the suicide bombers

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We get a rovot on the surface of an alien planet and the first thing we do is roll over an adorable fuzz ball. Its True. Curiosity killed the cat.

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I'm a bit of a wizard when it comes to talking to animals. I have a dog called woof. I asked him it's name, and it said woof. I have a cat called meow, because it said meow when I asked her name. And I have a parrot called Whatsyourname.

Score: 10

You know what kind of jokes I hate? Cat jokes! Just kitten.

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I heard that the cat with the worlds longest tail is 7 feet... But I think that’s just a tall tail.

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A cat was looking at me funny... It was staring meow-t.

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I can't watch Netflix with my cat... Because she paws it.

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What was the difference between the dead lawyer and the dead cat on the side of the road? The cat had tire marks before it.

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When does a black cat bring bad luck? When you’re a mouse!

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You know those weird cat-dog things in Undertale?... I could never understand tem

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Why did Stevie Wonder run away from the black cat crossing the street under a ladder? He was very Superstitious.

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I was so ugly and smelly as a kid That when I played in the sandbox, the cat would try to bury me!

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What does a cat say when it wants to go outside? Let meow

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What's the difference between a comma and a cat? One is a pause at the end of a clause and the other has claws at the end of its paws.

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What did Katy Perry name her cat? Kitty Purry

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George Michael was dancing in the supermarket when he accidentally knocked over an entire stack of cat food, spilling it everywhere Careless Whiskas

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A cat and dog stand next to a broken case. Who did it? The Russians.

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Why did the dog get stuck in the cat door? He was a little husky

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Jimmy leaves for school today! The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

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What has two legs and can't stand up? Half a cat

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What's the difference between a comma and a cat? One's a pause at the end of a clause, and the other has claws at the end of its paws.

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Did you know cat's are impervious to most rattle snake bites? Said every dog ever.

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Which side is the softest side of a cat? The outside!

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Where do cats eat their lunch? At the Cat-feteria!

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Curiosity got sent to mars as punishment. As punishment for killing Schrödinger's cat.

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A cat entered a barn A cat entered a barn:

Meooow!

All the mice hid. The cat broke the silence again:

Woof, woof!

All the mice came out of hiding. The moral: It's always good to study a second language.

Score: 1

Little Johny in School :D The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

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What's the difference between Mufasa and a house cat? Mufasa couldn't land on all fours.

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When I was a kid I thought our family's cat looked like Timon from The Lion King so I thought he was a meerkat. Turns out he was just a mere cat.

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Jimmy teacher and p*ssy The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!

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The kids were really suprised when I put ginger in their curry... ...they really *did* love that cat.

> Stolen from a recent episode of *Match Of The Day*

Score: 7

If K-9 is a guard dog, a guard cat would be.... K-10.^^kitten

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