Cat Jokes

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Funniest Cat Jokes

I think my cat might be a communist He won't shut up about Mao.

Score: 11915

How is a trans 4-year old like a vegan cat? We all know who’s making that decision

Score: 10939
Funny Cat Jokes
Score: 9359

What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of is paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Score: 7727

I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’ You've probably seen our posters.

Score: 5643

A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says, "what'll you have?"
The cat says, "A shot of rum."
The bartender pours the cat his drink.
The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table.
"Another."

Score: 5284

I asked a librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 2308

Where would you park your camel? The Camelot.

PS Booze helped with this and now I'm laughing alone in my apartment

Edit: Went to class, came back, saw this. Me and my cat are thoroughly pleased.

Score: 2059

When I was five, my Dad put Snowballs in the blender to make a slushie... I miss snowballs, she was a good cat.

Score: 1462

My kids were hungry so I made them burgers from scratch. They got really upset and started to cry.

Scratch is a stupid name for a cat anyway..

Score: 1444

I asked a librarian if she had a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat. She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 1318

I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."

Score: 1157

I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 1025

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.

I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.

Score: 1010

What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Score: 896

Schrodinger's Cat recently went on a crime spree He's wanted dead and alive

Score: 878

They found a cat on mars... A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

Score: 819

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."

Score: 617

What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has its claws at the end of its paws, and one is a pause at the end of a clause.

Score: 520

What's the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws, the other is a pause at the end of a clause.

Score: 509

I just gave my cat some 7UP. Now he's got 16 lives.

Score: 488

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring. Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

Edit: this is /u/Onetap1's joke, credit goes to him

Score: 397

What do you call a boy cat sleeping on a bed? Himalayan.

*Be gentle. First post on here.

Score: 381

My kids cried when I told them I had put ginger in the curry. They loved that cat.

Score: 378

I'm in a band called Missing Cat. You've probably seen our posters.

Score: 375

*A joke my son told me* - What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show? A Cat-Has-Trophey!

Score: 354

Went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov’s dog and Schrodinger’s cat. The librarian said it rang a bell but she didn’t know if it was there or not.

Score: 346

Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks? They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.

Score: 338

I just found a dead body in the street So I took it home and put it on the cat's pillow


See how she f**king likes it !

Score: 299

My girlfriend threw up when I told her I put ginger in our curry. She loved that cat.

Score: 294

An alien asked me to take him to my leader... ...so do I take him to the president, my wife, or my cat???

Score: 69

I asked the librarian if they had the book about Schrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog... She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 32

Wanted: £20,000 Reward for Schroedinger's Cat... ...Dead and Alive

Score: 29

What's the difference between Mufasa and a house cat? Mufasa couldn't land on all fours.

Score: 11

What did the caveman say after he got bit by a cat? Me ow

Score: 6

What does the Italian cat say? Cheow!

Score: 5

What does a cat say when it wants to go outside? Let meow

Score: 5

I think my kitten has a tumor.. But I won’t know for sure until she has a cat scan

Score: 5

If K-9 is a guard dog, a guard cat would be.... K-10.^^kitten

Score: 5

I told my roommate, "I just reminded my neighbor 6 times to take his cat with him when he moves tomorrow." My roommate replied, " That's just your dementia." Ha, joke's on her. I remember all 3 times I told him.

Score: 5

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New Cat Jokes

Im questioning my vets qualifications after diagnosing my cat with gingervitis.. There isn't a single strand of red hair on her.

Score: 0

Two friends are meeting in a bar Friend1: My wife and I got a new pet.

Friend2: Cool, what is it? A cat? A dog?

Friend1: Neither. It is a skunk.

Friend2: Oh gosh. Isn't it smelling totally awful in your home?

Friend1: Well, the pet will have to get used to it.

Score: 0

My cat got another bumpersticker. BITE THE HANDS THAT DON'T FEED YOU.

Score: 0

Two cats are swimming across a river. One is named "One Two Three" and the other is named "Une Deux Trois." Only one cat makes it across without drowning. Which one? The "One Two Three" cat, because the "Une Deux Trois" cat sank.

Score: 1

Today, a CAT fell on me. Would've been funny, had I not been in a construction site.

Score: 0

What keyboard macro is used to get a cat on a computer? Tab E

Score: 0

What did the owner say to his cat after she dressed as a dog? Naughty dog
(Not-a dog)

Score: 0

What did the millennial say at a safari when a big cat jumped out in front of him? Ok puma

Score: 0

I wanted to watch the Dallas cowboys in the superbowl... The cat said, "Not without a VCR"

Score: 0

I saw a missing kitten poster at the end of my street, responds to "Rasputin" Now there was a cat who really was gone

Score: 4

What do you call a cat that is just a cat? A Meerkat

Score: 5

What do you call it when your doctor tells you to take your dead cat to a Taxidermist a refurral.

Score: 2

My dog loves to hump my cat He’s a real purrrrvert

Score: 2

Halloween is next month! Here's a Halloween themed joke for you all: Why is a black cat unlucky? It means you cooked it too long.

Score: 1

A vet calls a cat owner - Sir your wife is here with your cat, she wants me to put her to sleep. Do you agree with that?

- Yeah sure put her to sleep, and let the cat out, she knows how to come back home on her own.

Score: 2

What happens when a cat gets possesed by a demon? It needs to be purrified

Score: 2

A cat jumps into a river Catfish.

Score: 1

Wouldn't it be cool if you could project cat sounds into other people's heads? OK, just hear meow...

Score: 3

How did the alcoholic cat live for so long? He had nine livers.

Score: 3

I bought a can of tuna cat food, but there was catfish meat inside. I got catfish catfish cat fish.

Score: 3

What do you call a woman who sleeps with cat-like humanoid aliens? Thundercats Ho!

Score: 2

What do you call a cat on the computer? A hacker

Score: 1

What did the cat say after hearing to a funny joke ? Lmao.

Score: 3

What did the cat say to the octopus with a gun in each tentacle ? You're one short, buddy.

Score: 2

What do you get when you're driving down the road and throw a cat out the window? Kitty litter.

Score: 1

Grumpy cat is literally now A dead meme.

Score: 1

What does a cat say after dropping a vase and you caught her in the act? Meow culpa

Score: 3

I just saw 'Captain Marvel'. I like how there were lots of subtle 1990's references. Like how they made the cat with CGI from the 1990's.

Score: 2

Did you know that most Arab households have a cat? They are used to scare the suicide bombers

Score: 1

We get a rovot on the surface of an alien planet and the first thing we do is roll over an adorable fuzz ball. Its True. Curiosity killed the cat.

Score: 0

You know what kind of jokes I hate? Cat jokes! Just kitten.

Score: 4

I heard that the cat with the worlds longest tail is 7 feet... But I think that’s just a tall tail.

Score: 1

A cat was looking at me funny... It was staring meow-t.

Score: 2

I can't watch Netflix with my cat... Because she paws it.

Score: 1

When does a black cat bring bad luck? When you’re a mouse!

Score: 2

You know those weird cat-dog things in Undertale?... I could never understand tem

Score: 2

Why did Stevie Wonder run away from the black cat crossing the street under a ladder? He was very Superstitious.

Score: 4

I was so ugly and smelly as a kid That when I played in the sandbox, the cat would try to bury me!

Score: 2

A cat and dog stand next to a broken case. Who did it? The Russians.

Score: 2

Why did the dog get stuck in the cat door? He was a little husky

Score: 1

A cat got his owl friend pregnant They're expecting meowls.

<(OvO)> Lowl

Score: 1

What was the cat painting A self pawtrait.

Score: 1

A cat entered a barn A cat entered a barn:

Meooow!

All the mice hid. The cat broke the silence again:

Woof, woof!

All the mice came out of hiding. The moral: It's always good to study a second language.

Score: 1

Little Johny in School :D The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

Score: 1

What do you get when you cross a duck and a cat? A Chinese restaurant's newest entree!

Score: 2

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