TIL the excuse the US Marine used in May 1943 after accidentally friendly fire'ing a British U-boat. Woops, wrong sub.
Recently divorced Marine sniper slapped with a 1500 yard restraining order.
He is now struggling to understand the distance that has become between them, as well as windage.
Source: The Onion
Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter on the Whitehouse lawn, carrying two pigs. A marine is there to greet him and says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton replies, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine says, "Nice trade, sir!"
What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
I'm a former Army guy and I need some jokes about other branches of the military. So far all I have is:
In the Navy, how do you seperate the men from the boys?
-With a crowbar.
What's the worst thing in a woman?
[Bad joke] How does a Marine like his eggs?
(Bring on the booings and the beatings)
A marine walks into a bar and tries to order a Bin Laden
“What’s that?”, the bartender asked
The marine replied, “two shots and a splash of water”.
Painfully bad joke my younger brother told me. What do you call an expert on marine life? An aFISHionado.
Marine biologists have discovered a group of killer whales that regularly meets and plays music together. They call it an orca-stra.
What did the Italian marine biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
I'll see myself out...
Currently the most offensive joke going through my head.
What did the female Marine get moments after she was gang raped by her fellow Marines?
A Dishonourable Discharge.
A Marine turns to a CIA agent and asks, “Why are we in Panama again?” The agent shrugs and replies, “Just ‘cause.”
If you lock a US Marine in a room with an anvil .... ... He will either break it, lose it, or get it pregnant.
PETA has done an incredible job in preserving marine life They saved millions of fish from drowning
A Space Marine walks into a bar. He says to the grizzled, portly barkeeper, "Bring me two beers." Seeing that he is alone, the barkeep asks him 'Why two?' The Space Marine chuckles and replies, "Simple, my friend. One for me, and one FOR THE EMPEROR!"
What do you call a Marine that likes to follow orders?
*attempt at OC joke. I'm sure someone else has thought of this before me though.*
According to recent scientific studies it's possible that all marine life will be extinct by the year 2050. Which is going to make it really difficult to comfort someone who is going through a relationship break-up.
What's the difference between a Marine and submarine? Nothing. The Navy goes down on both of them.
What did the whale say to the diver?
What did the whale say to the marine biologist?
What did the whale say to my wife?
"Hey; you should lose weight."
Have you ever wondered what MARINE stood for? Muscles. Are. Required. Intelligence. Not. Essential.
My Marine Biologist friend was so excited about her job. She said she's found her life porpoise.
Marine biologists were baffled by why Jaws would always swim away after chomping off swimmers' legs. Turns out he's lack toes intolerant.
What did the skeptical marine biologist say before her first day of work? I think I’m just gonna test the waters...
My doctor recommended marine air to me After I looked at my bank account, I hung a herring in front of my fan
Why did the therapist tell the patient about the seashells in the underwater marine vehicle? So they would be aware of their sub conches.
Just failed my Marine corp entry exam.... They told us to color a picture of the American flag and I'm the only one that didn't eat the crayons.
Commander said to marine I haven't seen you on camouflage practice today. Marine said: Thank you sir!
A reporter once asked a Marine sniper...
"What do you feel whenever you shoot an enemy?"
The Marine shrugged and replied "recoil".
What did one marine biologist say to the other? A life without meaning is a life without porpoise
I was thinking of dating this girl I met. She’s an marine biologist who works on a submarine. But between you and me, I think she’s a little out of my league.
What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags it's tale, the other tags a whale.
Interviewer to Marine Corpsman: "What is your stance on guns?" Corpsman: "Usually behind them"
My friend is an expert in Finance and Marine Biology Which makes borrowing money from him a problem, since he's a real Loan Shark.
A young marine is talking to an old, salty vet. The marine complains there is never anywhere he can have "private time", he says with a nudge. The old vet laughs, and suggests he use a silencer rather than his hand. That way, they never hear you coming!
I'm an American, but I thought Marine Le Pen got less than fifty percent of the vote. Why did she not win?
Signing up for Marine biology this semester was disappointing. I never learned what’s going on in Le Pen’s head.
What's the difference between a marine and a bunch of cars at a junkyard? One goes to sea, the other's cease to go
Why is there a flap on the back of the Navy uniform? So the Marine have something to hold on to.
I work for a company who specialises in vacuum packed marine mammals. We're famous for our airtight seal.
I am starting a sanctuary for oversized marine mammals. It's called Habitat for Huge Manatees.
What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags it's tail, while the other tags a whale
Did you hear about the patriotic zombie who wanted to serve his country? He joined the Marine Corpse.