Contents
Funniest Jokes
New Jokes
Funniest Marine Jokes
I think I'm failing my marine biology class My grade is below C level.
What do you get if you cross a soldier and a scientist? A marine biologist.
TIL the excuse the US Marine used in May 1943 after accidentally friendly fire'ing a British U-boat. Woops, wrong sub.
What do you call a marine who can't swim? A submarine.
I tried out for the Marines but fell just short of their requirements So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
Recently divorced Marine sniper slapped with a 1500 yard restraining order.
He is now struggling to understand the distance that has become between them, as well as windage.
Source: The Onion
My dad is a rugged ex-Marine with a salt-and-pepper beard... He's a seasoned veteran.
Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter on the Whitehouse lawn, carrying two pigs. A marine is there to greet him and says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton replies, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine says, "Nice trade, sir!"
What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Military Jokes
I'm a former Army guy and I need some jokes about other branches of the military. So far all I have is:
In the Navy, how do you seperate the men from the boys?
-With a crowbar.
What's the worst thing in a woman?
-A Marine
[Bad joke] How does a Marine like his eggs?
Semper-fried!
(Bring on the booings and the beatings)
What do you call a salty ex-marine? A seasoned veteran.
A marine walks into a bar and tries to order a Bin Laden
“What’s that?”, the bartender asked
The marine replied, “two shots and a splash of water”.
How can you tell if someone has been in the Marine Corps? Don't worry. They'll tell you.
Painfully bad joke my younger brother told me. What do you call an expert on marine life? An aFISHionado.
What did the Italian marine biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
​
I'll see myself out...
How do you know if you're an American? If someone mentions "marine life" and you think of soldiers before fish.
What happened to the Marine that took a laxative? He was relieved of doodie.
Currently the most offensive joke going through my head.
What did the female Marine get moments after she was gang raped by her fellow Marines?
A Dishonourable Discharge.
If a fish died in the ocean... ...does it become a marine corpse?
Why did the marine park worker feel aimless? Because they lacked porpoises.
What did the Marine Biologist say when he saw two eels making love? "It's a Moray."
What do you call a retired Marine in a Chevy sports car? A Corps vet in a Corvette.
A Marine turns to a CIA agent and asks, “Why are we in Panama again?” The agent shrugs and replies, “Just ‘cause.”
If you lock a US Marine in a room with an anvil .... ... He will either break it, lose it, or get it pregnant.
A Space Marine walks into a bar. He says to the grizzled, portly barkeeper, "Bring me two beers." Seeing that he is alone, the barkeep asks him 'Why two?' The Space Marine chuckles and replies, "Simple, my friend. One for me, and one FOR THE EMPEROR!"
What do you call a Marine that likes to follow orders?
A Sub-Marine!
*attempt at OC joke. I'm sure someone else has thought of this before me though.*
What do you call a marine with an IQ of 160? A Brigade.
What's the difference between a Marine and submarine? Nothing. The Navy goes down on both of them.
What did the whale say to the diver?
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooo."
What did the whale say to the marine biologist?
"Ooooooooooooooooooooooo."
What did the whale say to my wife?
"Hey; you should lose weight."
I asked my marine-biologist friend when is Whale Watching season? He said ," Year round if you sign up for Tinder"
Signing up for Marine biology this semester was disappointing. I never learned what’s going on in Le Pen’s head.
In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy. They were named the “marine corpse”
What do you call a group of musicians in the military? Marine 5
What did the marine eat for lunch? Semper fries
I work for a company who specialises in vacuum packed marine mammals. We're famous for our airtight seal.
What's the difference between a marine and a bunch of cars at a junkyard? One goes to sea, the other's cease to go
Interviewer to Marine Corpsman: "What is your stance on guns?" Corpsman: "Usually behind them"
Marine Le Pen, recount the vote! I do not trust Arabic numbers, use Roman numerals.