Marine Jokes

I think I'm failing my marine biology class My grade is below C level.

Score: 983
Funny Marine Jokes
Score: 107

What do you get if you cross a soldier and a scientist? A marine biologist.

Score: 73

TIL the excuse the US Marine used in May 1943 after accidentally friendly fire'ing a British U-boat. Woops, wrong sub.

Score: 72

What do you call a marine who can't swim? A submarine.

Score: 57

I tried out for the Marines but fell just short of their requirements So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.

Score: 57

Recently divorced Marine sniper slapped with a 1500 yard restraining order. He is now struggling to understand the distance that has become between them, as well as windage.

Source: The Onion

Score: 50

My dad is a rugged ex-Marine with a salt-and-pepper beard... He's a seasoned veteran.

Score: 37

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter on the Whitehouse lawn, carrying two pigs. A marine is there to greet him and says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton replies, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine says, "Nice trade, sir!"

Score: 34

What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

Score: 24

Military Jokes I'm a former Army guy and I need some jokes about other branches of the military. So far all I have is:

In the Navy, how do you seperate the men from the boys?
-With a crowbar.

What's the worst thing in a woman?
-A Marine

Score: 19

[Bad joke] How does a Marine like his eggs? Semper-fried!

(Bring on the booings and the beatings)

Score: 18

What do you call a salty ex-marine? A seasoned veteran.

Score: 13

A marine walks into a bar and tries to order a Bin Laden “What’s that?”, the bartender asked

The marine replied, “two shots and a splash of water”.

Score: 13

How can you tell if someone has been in the Marine Corps? Don't worry. They'll tell you.

Score: 12

Painfully bad joke my younger brother told me. What do you call an expert on marine life? An aFISHionado.

Score: 12

What did the Italian marine biologist say when asked to identify an eel? That's a moray!


I'll see myself out...

Score: 10

How do you know if you're an American? If someone mentions "marine life" and you think of soldiers before fish.

Score: 9

What happened to the Marine that took a laxative? He was relieved of doodie.

Score: 7

Currently the most offensive joke going through my head. What did the female Marine get moments after she was gang raped by her fellow Marines?

A Dishonourable Discharge.

Score: 7

If a fish died in the ocean... ...does it become a marine corpse?

Score: 7

What did the Marine Biologist say when he saw two eels making love? "It's a Moray."

Score: 6

What do you call a retired Marine in a Chevy sports car? A Corps vet in a Corvette.

Score: 6

A Marine turns to a CIA agent and asks, “Why are we in Panama again?” The agent shrugs and replies, “Just ‘cause.”

Score: 6

If you lock a US Marine in a room with an anvil .... ... He will either break it, lose it, or get it pregnant.

Score: 6

Why did the marine park worker feel aimless? Because they lacked porpoises.

Score: 6

A Space Marine walks into a bar. He says to the grizzled, portly barkeeper, "Bring me two beers." Seeing that he is alone, the barkeep asks him 'Why two?' The Space Marine chuckles and replies, "Simple, my friend. One for me, and one FOR THE EMPEROR!"

Score: 5

What do you call a Marine that likes to follow orders? A Sub-Marine!

*attempt at OC joke. I'm sure someone else has thought of this before me though.*

Score: 5

What do you call a marine with an IQ of 160? A Brigade.

Score: 5

What's the difference between a Marine and submarine? Nothing. The Navy goes down on both of them.

Score: 5

In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy. They were named the “marine corpse”

Score: 3

What did the marine eat for lunch? Semper fries

Score: 2

Interviewer to Marine Corpsman: "What is your stance on guns?" Corpsman: "Usually behind them"

Score: 2

What's the difference between a marine and a bunch of cars at a junkyard? One goes to sea, the other's cease to go

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What did one marine biologist say to the other? A life without meaning is a life without porpoise

Score: 1

A Marine and a SEAL walk into a bar... The Marine gets a beer

The SEAL gets a book deal

Score: 1

How many boxes can a Marine eat in a day? Semper Five

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What’s a Marine’s favorite fruit? Crayonberries

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Just failed my Marine corp entry exam.... They told us to color a picture of the American flag and I'm the only one that didn't eat the crayons.

Score: 0

What marine animal has the highest chance of getting cancer? The pufferfish

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