Hilarious Beach Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Beach Jokes

How do you find a blind guy at a nude beach? It's not hard

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What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach? Flop-Flops

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I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.

Score: 573

How do you find a blind man at a nudist beach? It's not hard

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I sneaked onto a beach early this morning. The coast was clear.

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When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...

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I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

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How do you spot the blind man at the nudist beach? It's not hard

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A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach... A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach.

"Hi, my name is Ed." he says.

"What's it short for?" she asks.

Thoughtful, he looks down a moment, before answering,

"I dunno, it's always been like that."

Score: 349

I saw a man at the beach going "Help! Shark! Help!" I laughed because I knew that the shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 329

A man comes home one day and says, "Guess what honey? Pack your bags, I won the lottery!" The wife squeals with delight and says, "That's great! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?" He says, "I don't care, just get out!"

Score: 326

A Life Guard is walking along a beach A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.

The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

Score: 308

How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach? It's not hard.

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Went to a nude beach today and let me tell you- I had a lot of women’s attention. I could just feel them dressing me with their eyes.

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sin and cos are lying down next to each other on the beach when all of a sudden sin jumps on top of cos. cos shouts "what are you doing?" sin replies, "im trying to get tan."

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I heard a guy at the beach screaming, "HELP! SHARK! HELP!" I just laughed. I knew that Shark wasn't going to help him.

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I saw a guy at the beach yelling ' Help! Shark! Help!' I just laughed at him... I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

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I was on the beach with my daughter. After a while, she turned to me and said, "Dad, you look like a lobster."

"Oh no," I replied, "Am I burning?"

She said, "No. Just very ugly."

Score: 179

2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!" The other looked up.

Score: 177

Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

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How do you find a blind man at a nude beach? It’s not hard

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I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value. Beach better have my money

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My 8 year old brother came up to me and asked if I wanted to hear a joke, this is how it went Bro," what washes up on a tiny beach?"
Me," No idea."
Bro," a microwave."
Followed by about 2 seconds of me not getting it then laughing for a solid minute

Score: 129

Where are you when you're eating an Eggo on the beach and you drop it in the sand? San Diego

(thought of this myself, it's better spoken)

Score: 126

How do you spot a blind guy on a nudist beach? It's not hard!

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In honor of the Powerball A man comes home one day and says, "Guess what honey? Pack your bags, I won the lottery!" The wife squeals with delight and says, "That's great! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?" He says, "I don't care, just get out!"

Score: 120

A man comes home from work and tells his wife "Pack your bags, I just hit the lottery." His wife says "Oh that's wonderful. Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?" He says "I don't care. Just get out."

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Saw some kids building sandcastles on the beach so I ran and jumped on one of them. Then I wrecked his sandcastle.

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I went to this restaurant on the beach in Florida and ordered something called the Pelican Burger. It was good, but the bill was enormous.

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How can you spot the blind guy on a nude beach? It's not hard.

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A man comes home one day and says, "Guess what honey?! Pack for vacation, I won the lottery!" The wife squeals with delight and says, "That's great! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?"

He says, "I don't care, just get out!"

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How to Spot a Blind Nudist How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach?
Well it's not hard, really...

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What's another name for a nude beach? A junk yard.

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What do you call a waffle on the beach in Southern California? A sandy Eggo!

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A mathematician tries to go to the beach... A mathematician tried to go to the beach to get a tan, but he couldn't find it cos there were no sines.

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I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough... For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach.

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I was walking near the Beach When I heard someone yell "Help shark Help"... I laughed because I knew no sharks were going to come help.

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How do you find a blind man on a nude beach? It isn't hard.

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What did the sign say at the nude beach during off season? Sorry, were clothed.

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New Beach Jokes

Did you hear about the kid who's always doing trigonometry at the beach? He got a tan

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I saw a famous rapper on a beach in France today. Guess who it was. Kendrick La Mer

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What do you call a waffle that you've dropped on the beach? A sandy Egg

(*My daughter hit me with this one this morning*)

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I'm opening a Comedy Club on the beach. Comic Sands.

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You know what's cooler than going to the beach on a summer day? Going to the beach on a winter day.

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A man was walking alone on a beach when he came across a pirate. The pirate asked him “where are your buccaneers matey?”. So the man replied: “Under my buccan hat”

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Dad: Hey do you want to go to the fun walk? Daughter: What’s that?

Dad: That thing by the beach

Daughter: You mean the bored walk?

Dad: You don’t like it?

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How do you know there's a blind guy at a nude beach? It's not hard.

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How do you tell if a man at a nude beach is blind? It’s not hard.

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how to spot a blind person in a nude beach? it's not hard!

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What does Black Panther like to do on vacation? Wakanda beach.

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Why can you never go hungry at the beach? Because of all the sand which is there.

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What did the man at the beach say to Kevin Spacey? Hey, get out of my son!

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I’m in Ocean Beach and a homeless man just told me this joke. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?

He was too far out.

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Does the beach wave back when the ocean waves? No, but it appreciates the sediment.

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There was this really hot guy on the beach when I was in Mexico, so I brought him some Jewish bread. He gave me a weird look, subsequently turned me down...and I don't understand *why.*

*I just wanted to challah at a Playa.*

^I'm ^sorry

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Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on the beach That explains the footprints in my cat's litter box

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How do you spot a blind man on nude beach It's not hard

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How can you spot a blind man on a nude beach? It isn't hard.

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What do you call a waffle that you dropped on the beach? San Diego

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How do you find a blind guy at a nudist beach? It's not hard.

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What kind of expression does a person who fell asleep by the ocean have? Resting beach face

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I'm at the beach with my friend. He's a huge prankster. He's just gone way out into the water with some of that red food colouring.

Hasn't moved for about ten minutes. Brilliant.

Score: 28

Three whales fall from the sky. Two hit the beach, then the last lands in the water... BA-DUM PSSHHH

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Light beer is like the beach... Close to water.

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What did the mother say to Michael Jackson at the beach? Stay out of my son.

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Where's the best place to eat waffles on the beach? Sandy Eggo.

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Shark week is actually the safest time to go to the beach Because all of the sharks are busy being on TV.

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I hate taking pictures at the beach... They're always so grainy

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Chris Christie asked his staff... If they thought his image would recover from beach-gate.

They told him "Fat chance!"

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What did the beached whale say to Chris Christie? Well, looks like we both know how to empty a beach, huh?

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When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread on a beach. Because even when I'm dead, I still want to get into lady's pants.

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What is it called when a wave hits you in the face? A beach slap.

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Why is the beach so confident? It's really shore.....

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Why do seagulls go to the beach? Because of the sand, which is there!

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Heard about the man with chronic dandruff who was attacked by a shark? They found his head and shoulders on the beach.

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How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It isn't hard.

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A Chinese man wakes up on the beach with no memory. He says he thinks his name is Fred. But I think he might be Wong.

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How do you spot the blind guy at a Nudist Beach? Well its not hard, really...

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Why would you never starve on the beach? Because of all the sandwiches there.

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How can you always tell a blind man at a nude beach. It's not hard.

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What is a lake? A son of a beach.

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What do you call an uncertain beach? I'm not shore.

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The Beach Boys walk into a bar... "Round?"

"Round?"

"Get a round"

"I get a round"

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A wife rushes home, excited that she just won the lottery Wife: Quick! Pack your bags! I just won the lottery!
Husband: Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?
Wife: Who cares? Just pack and get lost!

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My family went to the beach with Michael Jackson... My wife was laying out, working on her tan.
She turned and looked at Michael and she stated
"Excuse me Michael... You're in my son."

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What do you get when you drop your waffle at the beach? San Diego

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If i spent as much time working as i did procrastinating TIL there is an island in the Bahamas called Pig Beach populated entirely by swimming pigs.

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What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.

No need to get salty. It's just a pun aboat the ocean.

Score: 14

I would never go hungry if I got stranded on a beach Because of all of the sand which is there

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The Beach Boys walk into a bar… "Round?"

"Round?"

"Get a round"

"I get a round?"

"Get a round...."

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Where are the most waffles dropped on the beach? San Diego.

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I was tanning on the beach with my son. After a while, he looked at me and said, "You're look like a lobster."

"Uh oh, do I need some sun tan lotion?" I asked.

He said, "No, you're just really ugly."

Score: 10

Sports injury Last night on ESPN I was watching Women's beach volleyball. About three minutes into the game, there was a really bad wrist injury. The doctor said I should be fine in a few days though.

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I Like Long Walks on the Beach until the LSD wears off and it turns out I'm dragging a mannequin around a Wendy's parking lot

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Why Don't Mathematicians Go to the Beach? Because all they need are sin and cos to get a tan.

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What did the hair stylist do when the Beach Boys came on? The barber ran

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What did the hammerhead shark say to the people on the beach? Can't touch this.

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A blond is walking down the beach... and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling “Help, Shark, Help!”
The blond yells back, “ no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"

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What do you call a mathematician at the beach? A tan gent.

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