I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.
When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...
I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
I saw a man at the beach going "Help! Shark! Help!" I laughed because I knew that the shark wasn't going to help him.
A Life Guard is walking along a beach
A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.
The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.
Went to a nude beach today and let me tell you- I had a lot of women’s attention. I could just feel them dressing me with their eyes.
sin and cos are lying down next to each other on the beach when all of a sudden sin jumps on top of cos. cos shouts "what are you doing?" sin replies, "im trying to get tan."
I heard a guy at the beach screaming, "HELP! SHARK! HELP!" I just laughed. I knew that Shark wasn't going to help him.
I saw a guy at the beach yelling ' Help! Shark! Help!' I just laughed at him... I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
I was on the beach with my daughter.
After a while, she turned to me and said, "Dad, you look like a lobster."
"Oh no," I replied, "Am I burning?"
She said, "No. Just very ugly."
2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!" The other looked up.
Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value. Beach better have my money
Where are you when you're eating an Eggo on the beach and you drop it in the sand?
(thought of this myself, it's better spoken)
Saw some kids building sandcastles on the beach so I ran and jumped on one of them. Then I wrecked his sandcastle.
I went to this restaurant on the beach in Florida and ordered something called the Pelican Burger. It was good, but the bill was enormous.
A woman is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.
The woman laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.
When my grandfather died we decided to scatter his remains at sea. Everyone at the beach started freaking out cause we didn't cremate him.
A UNIX Salesperson
A unix salesperson named Lenore
Loved her job, but loved the beach more.
She devised such a way
to combine work and play:
She sells C-shells by the seashore
Saw a man at the beach yelling "HELP! SHARK! HELP!!!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
The Beach Boys walk into a bar...
"Get a round"
"I get a round?"
"Get a round...."
A father confronts his young son in the backyard.
“I heard you skipped school today to go to the beach with your friends.”
“That’s a lie!” the boy shouts. “And I’ve got the movie stub to prove it.”
I saw a guy at the beach yelling, “Help! Shark! Help!” I was like, “I don’t think that shark is going to help you.”
A mathematician tries to go to the beach... A mathematician tried to go to the beach to get a tan, but he couldn't find it cos there were no sines.
The Beach Boys Walk Into A Bar
Bartender: “Get a Round”
BB: “I’ll get a Round”
I was walking near the Beach When I heard someone yell "Help shark Help"... I laughed because I knew no sharks were going to come help.
A beach ball was $50
So I asked the manager, "Why is this so expensive?"
The manager replied, "Inflation"
Watching the olympics women beach volleyball first round... There's already been a wrist injury, but I should be ok by tomorrow.
When my grandfather died, we decided to scatter his remains in the sea. Everyone at the beach started freaking out, because we didn’t cremate him.
I'm at the beach with my friend. He's a huge prankster.
He's just gone way out into the water with some of that red food colouring.
Hasn't moved for about ten minutes. Brilliant.
What do you call a beach with crooked waves? [OC]
(Came up with that recently, hope it tickles your funny bone)
Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark? They found his head and shoulders on the beach
Why would you really want to win a game of beach volleyball on a hot and sunny day? Because defeat hurts.
After getting a huge bonus at work, I used it to fund my parents' trip to a beach resort in the Caribbean. They spent a week enjoying the son's raise.
What’s the difference between a beach and a tarot deck? One has coast guards, the other has ghost cards.
The other day i was at the beach when i saw a guy in the sea flailing about and shouting "help shark help shark"
i thought its nice that he is asking the shark for help but he should probably call the lifeguard instead
I asked this Spanish guy if he wanted to come to the beach with me, but he just stood there and refused to move. It turned out he was a non-playa character.
So I was on the beach and there was a "no nudism" sign. Saw a guy totally naked and noticed he had beautiful testicles... ...I said to him: "I don't approve of what you're doing, but I admire your balls."
This guy at the beach offered me a free kite. I turned him down. You know why? He said the deal was no strings attached.
Beach Boys: If everybody had an ocean across the USA, then everybody'd be surfin’ like California. Climate change scientist: You're missing the point, Boys.
had a great swim along the beach in Bali perfect visibility and tons of coral. I saw a colorful but scary looking thing attached to a rock and waving in the gentle current. I thought to myself: "is it a friend, or anemone?"
Standing on the beach after the great proletariat revolution of 1907, what did one Russian say to the other? serfs up!
I was at the beach today and I saw a man in the sea, yelling: "Help, shark! Help!"
I just laughed.
I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
My girlfriend couldn't make it to the beach this year so she told me to say "Hi" to the ocean for her. I told her it waved.
Went to the beach the other day and I ran into my science teacher. She was there with her sister being buried in the sand. Her entire body was covered except one spot and that’s when she yelled... “Hey! Get Mitosis”
You know what's cooler than going to the beach on a summer day? Going to the beach on a winter day.
A man was walking alone on a beach when he came across a pirate. The pirate asked him “where are your buccaneers matey?”. So the man replied: “Under my buccan hat”
At the beach on a summer day, you'll find many different swim techniques: backstroke, frontstroke, breaststroke, etc. I, for one, am the master of the heat stroke
A man's head was found on the beach the other night and there was a note in a bottle next to him, It said "I don't need no body".
I was on the beach with my ex-wife.
She said, "Why don't you go out for a swim in the water?"
"I'm not going out there," I said. "There are man-eating sharks out there."
She said, "You'll be fine then."
How did they determine that the shark attack victim had dandruff? ...because all that washed up on the beach was his head and shoulders.
What did the bikini-clad woman who was on the beach say when Michael Jackson approached? Get out of my sun!!
Your momma so fat.. When she lays on the beach to sun bath, Greenpeace comes over and tries to tow her back into the water.
Just Been Watching The Ladies Beach Volley Ball And There Has Already Been A Bad Wrist Injury, I Should Be Okay By The Morning Though.
A BLIND MAN AT A NUDE BEACH
How can you always tell a blind man at a nude beach?
It's not hard.
I got a sunburn on the beach yesterday whilst reading about trigonometry. ...you should see my tan lines today