Beach Jokes

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Funniest Beach Jokes

How do you find a blind guy at a nude beach? It's not hard

Score: 2649
Funny Beach Jokes
Score: 1592

What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach? Flop-Flops

Score: 682

I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.

Score: 573

How do you find a blind man at a nudist beach? It's not hard

Score: 516

I sneaked onto a beach early this morning. The coast was clear.

Score: 512

When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...

Score: 488

I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 417

How do you spot the blind man at the nudist beach? It's not hard

Score: 384

A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach... A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach.

"Hi, my name is Ed." he says.

"What's it short for?" she asks.

Thoughtful, he looks down a moment, before answering,

"I dunno, it's always been like that."

Score: 349

I saw a man at the beach going "Help! Shark! Help!" I laughed because I knew that the shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 329

A man comes home one day and says, "Guess what honey? Pack your bags, I won the lottery!" The wife squeals with delight and says, "That's great! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?" He says, "I don't care, just get out!"

Score: 326

A Life Guard is walking along a beach A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.

The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

Score: 308

How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach? It's not hard.

Score: 220

Went to a nude beach today and let me tell you- I had a lot of women’s attention. I could just feel them dressing me with their eyes.

Score: 210

sin and cos are lying down next to each other on the beach when all of a sudden sin jumps on top of cos. cos shouts "what are you doing?" sin replies, "im trying to get tan."

Score: 208

I heard a guy at the beach screaming, "HELP! SHARK! HELP!" I just laughed. I knew that Shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 199

I saw a guy at the beach yelling ' Help! Shark! Help!' I just laughed at him... I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 193

I was on the beach with my daughter. After a while, she turned to me and said, "Dad, you look like a lobster."

"Oh no," I replied, "Am I burning?"

She said, "No. Just very ugly."

Score: 179

2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!" The other looked up.

Score: 177

Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Score: 151

How do you find a blind man at a nude beach? It’s not hard

Score: 142

I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value. Beach better have my money

Score: 131

My 8 year old brother came up to me and asked if I wanted to hear a joke, this is how it went Bro," what washes up on a tiny beach?"
Me," No idea."
Bro," a microwave."
Followed by about 2 seconds of me not getting it then laughing for a solid minute

Score: 129

Where are you when you're eating an Eggo on the beach and you drop it in the sand? San Diego

(thought of this myself, it's better spoken)

Score: 126

How do you spot a blind guy on a nudist beach? It's not hard!

Score: 126

In honor of the Powerball A man comes home one day and says, "Guess what honey? Pack your bags, I won the lottery!" The wife squeals with delight and says, "That's great! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?" He says, "I don't care, just get out!"

Score: 120

A man comes home from work and tells his wife "Pack your bags, I just hit the lottery." His wife says "Oh that's wonderful. Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?" He says "I don't care. Just get out."

Score: 99

Saw some kids building sandcastles on the beach so I ran and jumped on one of them. Then I wrecked his sandcastle.

Score: 97

I went to this restaurant on the beach in Florida and ordered something called the Pelican Burger. It was good, but the bill was enormous.

Score: 93

How can you spot the blind guy on a nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 86

How to Spot a Blind Nudist How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach?
Well it's not hard, really...

Score: 77

I was walking near the Beach When I heard someone yell "Help shark Help"... I laughed because I knew no sharks were going to come help.

Score: 38

Watching the olympics women beach volleyball first round... There's already been a wrist injury, but I should be ok by tomorrow.

Score: 34

What does Black Panther like to do on vacation? Wakanda beach.

Score: 25

What do you call a waffle that you dropped on the beach? San Diego

Score: 22

How do you spot a blind man on nude beach It's not hard

Score: 17

I told my friend to not worry about being hungry at the beach. Because of all the sand which is there.

Score: 14

I would never go hungry if I got stranded on a beach Because of all of the sand which is there

Score: 8

A man was walking alone on a beach when he came across a pirate. The pirate asked him “where are your buccaneers matey?”. So the man replied: “Under my buccan hat”

Score: 7

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New Beach Jokes

Why was the beach next to the power plant closed? Because it is spark infested waters.

Score: 0

Why would you really want to win a game of beach volleyball on a hot and sunny day? Because defeat hurts.

Score: 2

Everyone in Southern California goes to the beach and starts cussing at each other. After that they all lay down (6 feet apart) to get a tan, then they break into song. It’s good to see SoCal dis tan sing.

Score: 0

Me and my wife had a really nice time at the seaside last summer We burried each other in the sand when we were at the beach. First she burried me, than I burried here. I’m going next summer there as well, to dig her up.

Score: 0

A pastor goes to a beach He gets a chrisTan

Score: 2

If you need to find a beach in southern Utah, we’re your company! We are Southern Utah Plages, visit us at SUPBeaches.con

Score: 2

Did you hear about the kid who's always doing trigonometry at the beach? He got a tan

Score: 5

I saw a famous rapper on a beach in France today. Guess who it was. Kendrick La Mer

Score: 3

What do you call a waffle that you've dropped on the beach? A sandy Egg


(*My daughter hit me with this one this morning*)

Score: 5

had a great swim along the beach in Bali perfect visibility and tons of coral. I saw a colorful but scary looking thing attached to a rock and waving in the gentle current. I thought to myself: "is it a friend, or anemone?"

Score: 4

Went to the beach the other day and I ran into my science teacher. She was there with her sister being buried in the sand. Her entire body was covered except one spot and that’s when she yelled... “Hey! Get Mitosis”

Score: 2

I'm opening a Comedy Club on the beach. Comic Sands.

Score: 3

You know what's cooler than going to the beach on a summer day? Going to the beach on a winter day.

Score: 4

Dad: Hey do you want to go to the fun walk? Daughter: What’s that?

Dad: That thing by the beach

Daughter: You mean the bored walk?

Dad: You don’t like it?

Score: 3

I think I met a mermaid the other day She said, "I like sitting on the beach but my other half likes swimming"

Score: 1

I don't mean to say that my wife talks a lot... but she just came back from a beach holiday with a sunburned tongue.

Score: 2

How can you tell if their is a blind man at a nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 0

How do you know there's a blind guy at a nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 5

Aparently 30% of males go on a diet before going on holiday. I cheated And just took a fat girlfriend to the beach

Score: 2

What do the Avengers do at the end of Infinity War 2? Take a Wakanda beach.

Score: 1

What did the mother say to Kevin Spacey at the beach? "Hey, you wanna get out of my son?"

Score: 1

The Beach Boys found some South African money on the floor. "Rand."


"Rand."


"Get a rand."


"I get a rand."

Score: 1

How do you tell if a man at a nude beach is blind? It’s not hard.

Score: 6

A husband and wife moved from one sand castle house to another The wife divorced him the next day. She was furious he had another beach.

Score: 1

how to spot a blind person in a nude beach? it's not hard!

Score: 5

I dropped my waffle on the beach the other day... You know what I had?
A San Diego

Score: 1

An old limerick for the geeky crowd. A Unix salesperson named Lenore

Liked her job, but loved the beach more

She devised such a way

To mix work and play

She sells C-shells by the seashore

Score: 2

What's the slope of a sun bathing woman at the beach? The tan line

Score: 0

Tour Guide: This is Hawaii's newest beach, recently formed from a new lava flow that eroded quickly. Tourist: I don't believe you.
Tour Guide: Huh? Why not?
Tourist: If this is Hawaii's nu'ist beach, where are all the nu'ists?

Score: 1

What would you find on a spooky beach? A sand-witch!

Score: 1

Why couldn't the Chinese geologist find a date? He was vehemently opposed to wrong rocks on the beach.

Score: 1

A tourist tried to visit a nudist beach only to discover it was blocked off. He asked the local lisping lifeguard of the beach, "You open?" The lifeguard responded,

"Sorry, we're clothed."

Score: 1

I got the chance to watch a women's final for beach volleyball last night... What a semi!!

Score: 1

Just been watching the women's Olympic beach volleyball and there has already been a wrist injury..... But I should be OK by Monday.

Score: 3

What do you call a fire on the beach? Bernie Sanders

Score: 2

Why did the lifeguard have to rescue the hippy at the beach? Beacause he was too "faaaaarrrrr oooouuuuttt, maaaaan!"

Score: 4

A blond is walking down the beach... and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling “Help, Shark, Help!”
The blond yells back, “ no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"

Score: 6

Today, a woman on the bus said she and I had met on a beach in Miami a few years earlier. "You must be mistaken" I told her. "I've never been to Florida before"

"Me neither," she responded "It must have been two different people."

Score: 2

What is the name of that casino on the beach? Pair-a-dice.

Score: 4

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