Vegetarian Jokes


Funniest Vegetarian Jokes

My friend really changed onced she decided to be a vegetarian It's like I've never known herbivore

Funny Vegetarian Jokes

This girl said she knew me from the vegetarian restaurant... But I've never met herbivore!

I had to quit my vegetarian diet Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club Which was weird, because I'd never met herbivore.

Hear that Bruce Lee had a vegetarian son? Brock Lee.

My friend set me up on a blind date with her vegetarian friend but I’m kind of nervous... I’ve never met herbivore.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club but I’d never met herbivore.

When a vegetarian turns into a zombie, what does it eat? Coma patients.

This girl came up to me today and said she recognized me from Vegetarian Club. I was a bit confused, seeing how I'd never met herbivore.

"Have you seen my vegetarian girlfriend?" "No, I have not seen herbivore."

I met this vegetarian girl who said we knew each other But I never met herbivore.

A woman once said she recognized me from the vegetarian club But I'd never met herbivore.

(OC) one I thought up this morning What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting?

"Lettuce prey"

What was Bruce Lees vegetarian brothers name? Broco Lee

I met this vegetarian girl yesterday i had never met herbivore

I met this vegetarian and she looks very familiar Seems like I met herbivore

This girl reckons she met me at the vegetarian club But I've never met herbivore.

This woman said she met me in a vegetarian restaurant But i never met herbivore

What do vegetarian zombies eat? GRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!

Have you met my vegetarian girlfriend? No, I've never met herbivore.

A girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from the local vegetarian restaurant...... I'm very confused as I've never met herbivore.

What does a vegetarian zombie eat? Grrrains.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club ..but I'd never met herbivore.

A girl said she met me at the vegetarian meetup... I don't think I've met herbivore.

What did the epileptic vegetarian always have for dinner? Seizure salad...

My Friend Really Changes Once she became a Vegetarian It's like I've never seen herbivore.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club I'm not sure how; I've never met herbivore

A girl said she has seen me in a vegetarian meeting... I told her I have never met herbivore

What's it called when a vegetarian starts eating meat again? Losing your veginity.

A woman once said, she recognised me from the vegetarian club But I'd never met herbivore

Have you met my vegetarian girlfriend? Nah, I've never met herbivore.

This girl came up to me today and said she recognized me from the vegetarian club. I was confused. I never met herbivore.

What do vegetarian zombies eat? Coma patients.

I went to an all you can eat vegetarian restaurant There was a woman there who claimed that she knew me but I swear I never seen herbivore.

Today a girl said she recognized me from vegetarian club But I'm sure I never met herbivore..

I met Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother today His name is Brocko Lee

My friend changed a lot when she became a vegetarian's like I've never seen herbivore.

What do vegetarian zombies eat? Grains

What do you call a cannibal that only eats disabled people? A Vegetarian

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New Vegetarian Jokes

Veggie Diet My wife wanted me to try a vegetarian diet. It's not all that different. Vegetarians taste just like meat.

How do you punish a vegetarian in the olden days? You burn them at the steak

Met a vegetarian today who said that people who sell meat are gross. To which I simply replied people who sell vegetables are grocer.

Being a vegetarian is easy, I eat oatmeal for breakfast and the rest of the day I survive off my feelings of superiority

How did the vegetarian Stoner like his pizza? Herbivore, and herb after.

What does a vegetarian zombie eat? GRRRAAAIIINNNS!!

Found out my cousin is a vegetarian now. The lengths he goes to have his wife swallow.

Why did the vegetarian start eating meat Because his vitamin c started to vitamin see

I've always been vegetarian but just recently I've been considering trying meat for the first time. I think I might be barbecurious.

What does the vegetarian cannibal eat? Disabled people.

what do you call a cannibal who only eats disabled people a vegetarian

A British aquarium claims to have the world’s first vegetarian shark. Either that or they’re playing a really good prank on Nigel the tank cleaner.

A blind vegetarian is at a restaurant when the waiter accidentally gives him Foie Gras. He takes one bite and exclaims, “Ugh, this is offal!”

What's the difference between a meat lover's group and a vegetarian group? The vegetarians just meatless

Being a vegetarian in Germany is so difficult. It’s the wurst.

What does a vegetarian zombie moan? "Grains!!"

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club.. ..but I've never seen herbivore.

How do you find out if someone is a vegetarian? Don't worry, they will let you know as soon as they can.

Last week, I told this joke a colleague who just had proudly told me he's vegetarian now. We both had a very good laugh.

A Republican, Christian, Vegetarian and the Nicest man ever walks into a bar And only orders water because Mr. Rogers didn't drink

I'm a vegetarian I just don't practice.

i got my pizza hut and dating app all mixed up so there's a vegetarian 8 inch on its way. i'm not sure what to expect.

What did the vegetarian do at the club Dropped a beet

Do you know what the hardest part of becoming a vegetarian is? To quit cold turkey.

My grammar has suffered since I became a vegetarian I mistakes.

What do you call a vegetarian gynecologist's memoirs? Vaggie tales.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Humanitarians.

I decided to try going vegetarian When my girlfriend asked what I was doing with the deli meat I said "I'm going cold turkey"

My friend is a vegetarian I think it's a huge missed steak

Why would someone want to start a vegetarian keto diet? To reduce their carb-in footprint.

A woman said she recognised me from vegetarian club... ...but I'd never met herbivore!

What does a vegetarian use when he gets a flat tire? Asparagus

A girl came up to me and said she recognised me from a vegetarian restaurant. I’m a bit confused because i’ve never met herbivore.

What do zombies vegetarian eat? GRAAAAAAAAAAAINSSSS!

What’s a vegetarian bbq party like? They just smoke weed.

What do you call a vegetarian trans-man A herbefore

I was on a vegetarian diet then I switched to vegan. The lack of protein in their diets make them a lot easier to catch

Archaeologists tend to agree the Triceratops' vegetarian diet and friendly demeanor made it one of the least threatening dinosaurs. It was basically a Michael Ceratops

Did you hear about the vegetarian who didn't want kids? He got the parsnip.

I went to this vegetarian BBQ party. They smoked weed.

A woman once said she recognised me from the Vegetarian Club But I've never met herbivore! ?

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Long Vegetarian Jokes

My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me a meal.....

My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me one of her favourite dishes last night.

"What are these little round things", I asked.

"Have you never seen a chick-pea before?", she said.

"Of course I have, my last girlfriend was up for anything, but that doesn't answer my question".

Some puns

•    How does Moses make tea ?   Hebrews it. 

•    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

•    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo. 

•    I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.  It's syncing now. 

•    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

•    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. 

•    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.  

•    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.   I just can't put it down.

•    I did a theatrical performance about puns.   It was a play on words. 

•    Why were the Indians here first ?   They had reservations. 

•    I didn't like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me. 

•    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ? 

•    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?   A thesaurus. 

•    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet

I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.

She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.

I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she asked for a bite of my kabab.

Mary had a little lamb.

Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee

But no one ever talks about his family.

His brother, the revolutionary vegetarian activist, Brocco Lee.

His cousin, the hesitant statistician, Probab Lee.

His uncle, the trustworthy politician, Honest Lee.

And of course, the Spanish inquisitor, Juan "Expected" Lee.

The Greenie

A woman from Sydney who was a tree hugging, vegetarian and anti-hunter purchased a piece of native bush land in northern N.S.W.

There was a large gum tree on one of the highest points in her property.

She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to climb the big gum.

As she neared the top, she encountered a koala that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, vegetarian, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.

The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, Native Vegetation, Parks and Wildlife service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility. And I'm sorry, they turned you down.”

My vegetarian friend

My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to die just for her dinner.
She then said,
"If the menu said 'kind chicken' or 'loving chicken', then I wouldn't be eating it, but it says right here- 'Jerk chicken'".

I brought my vegetarian girlfriend home for dinner...

...and my grandmother served us all, including my girlfriend, a very juicy, very much still hanging on the bone, rack of lamb. My girlfriend was looking at me in horror, whilst I took my gran aside.

"Didn't I tell you she was a vegetarian?" I asked.

She replied "oh yes dear, I checked with the butcher and he said the sheep he sells only eat grass!"

Two Accountants

One day two accountants, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. One was a vegetarian and constantly berated the other for eating meat! After stopping for a hot dog, the vegetarian erupted "Why do you eat meat?, do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!" The "carnivore" paid no attention.

As they stepped off the curb a speeding car came around the corner and ran the vegetarian over. The other accountant called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able to. The injured vegetarian was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured accountant, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through." "The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

There was a competition and the winner got the worlds best cuts of meat

All you had to do was jump up and grab one of the ribeyes they had dangling ten feet off the ground. If you missed you had to be a vegetarian for the rest of your life.

I didn’t do it though I couldn’t handle the pressure,
The steaks were too high.

My mom doesn't eat meat

But she's the kind of vegetarian who insists on buying soy versions of regular food. Things like "fakin' bacon," "not-dogs," "tofurkey," and the like. Last time I was at her house, she even had a "pork pretender-loin." I got such a headache from the frustration that I went into the bathroom to find some painkillers, but all I got was pseudo-fed.

You know who you are....

I had a party at my house and a buddy of mine walked over to me from the crowd. I said do you know those three people that just walked in? He said to me "...the guy who does CrossFit, the vegetarian and the atheist?" I looked at him quizzically and said "Do you know them?" "No, not at all" He quipped, "it was literally the first thing they said when they walked in the door."

Me and my wife walked into a vegetarian restaurant and ordered a steak.

'We don't serve any kind of animal flesh here, sir,' the waiter said.

'Oh, that's a shame,' I replied, and we left the shop.

'So much for our night out, Judy. Next time we'll just have to come dressed as carrots.'

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