Mechanic Jokes

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Funniest Mechanic Jokes

My grandfather personally killed 30 German aviators during WW2 He was the shittiest mechanic the luftwaffe had.

Score: 2840
Funny Mechanic Jokes
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“Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.” Son: Dad, you were a helicopter mechanic.

Dad: Never said I was a good one.

Score: 1487

What does a mechanic do for a one night stand? He nuts and bolts.

Score: 1186

Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic? He needed to change attire.

(I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.)

Score: 300

A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic. "Whenever I'm driving, I get these strange urges to run over pedestrians."

The mechanic has a look under the car. "Your alignment is off."

Score: 288

My car started making this whining noise... So I took it to the shop and had the mechanic look over it. Turns out all he had to do was take the Taylor Swift album out.


Sorry if this was a repost, I took a quick browse and didn't see it anywhere.

Score: 277

During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots. He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever recruited.

Score: 234

My grandpa destroyed 38 planes in WW2, killed 58 Germans. Literally the worst mechanic of the Luftwaffe

Score: 234

My grandad killed 50 German pilots in WW2 He wasn't a very skilled mechanic.

Score: 176

My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed German planes in WWII. Still to this day he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Score: 165

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers. He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Score: 87

Did you hear about the Large Hadron Collider going down? They are gonna have to bring in a quantum mechanic.

Score: 48

Where does an atom go when it breaks down? A quantum mechanic.

lel

Score: 47

Son in Iraq i killed 20 people. Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic.

Dad: Never said I was a good one.

Score: 45

How can you tell if a mechanic has gotten laid? He has one clean finger

Score: 40

[at auto mechanic] \[at auto mechanic\]

MECHANIC: Can I help you?

ME: My car won't start

MECHANIC: Umm, that's a bicycle

ME: Because my car won't start, are you even listening?

Score: 35

How can you tell a mechanic has gotten lucky? He's got one clean finger!

Score: 32

Did you hear about the mechanic who was addicted to brake fluid? He said he could stop at anytime.

Score: 29

The local mechanic was arrested for being a drug dealer. I've been his customers for 4 years and I never knew he was a mechanic.

Score: 25

Piece of Dating Advice Do not date a car mechanic if you're looking for a long term partner. Typically, a mechanic just nuts and bolts.

Score: 25

My grandfather was responsible for 49 downed German planes. Still to this day, he holds the record for worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Score: 24

Mechanic: "When were your tires last rotated?" Me: "On the way here, silly."

Score: 22

How can you tell a mechanic got laid? He has one clean finger

Score: 17

My grandfather was a World War 2 Vet In a single day during the Battle of Britain he was responsible for the destruction of 8 German aircraft killing 32 German airmen.


Easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe had ever had.

Score: 17

A penguin talks his snowmobile in to get fixed. The mechanic takes a look at it and says "looks like you blew a seal." penguin replies "no, that's just frosting on my lip."

Score: 16

What does a mechanic do when he has a one night stand? Screws, nuts, and bolts!

Score: 15

This mechanic in my area went to jail for dealing drugs I've been his customer for over 5 years...I had no clue he was a mechanic.

Score: 15

During WW2 my grandad downed over 35 German planes... He still holds the record as the worst mechanic in Luftwaffe history.

Score: 15

Did you hear about the mechanic who accidentally punctured the wheels of his car? He retired.

Score: 14

What does a mechanic looking for a one night stand do? He nuts and bolts

Score: 14

A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance. He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".

Score: 12

A penguin took his car to the mechanic. The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.

"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.

"Gross, its just ice cream" replied the penguin.

Score: 10

How can you tell if a mechanic has just gotten freaky with a woman? He’s got one clean finger.

Score: 9

Did you hear about the girl who gave out handjobs to electricians, plumbers, mechanic, you name it? She was a right Jack off all trades.

Score: 8

An eskimo brought his car to a mechanic. Mechanic says, "you blew a seal"
Eskimo wipes his face, "no, I just had some ice cream".

Score: 7

A photographer and a mechanic have a child After two long days of searching for the perfect name, they name him Cam.

Score: 4

What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have? An Audi

Score: 3

My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed german planes in Ww2 still to this date holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Score: 3

A car mechanic went bankrupt in less than a month His repair shop was on the second floor.

Score: 3

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New Mechanic Jokes

My grandpa was a WW2 veteran. He destroyed four planes and killed twelve men in one day. He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe had.

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What did the overworked car mechanic say... Give me a brake.

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My grandad was responsible for 28 German planes going down. Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Score: 1

Dad: at you’re age i had already killed 10 people in iraq. Son: but dad, you were a car mechanic in iraq, you’ve never gone to a battle.
Dad: i never said i was a good mechanic.

Score: 2

A mechanic from my neighborhood was arrested yesterday for selling drugs. I was his client for 5 years and I didn't know he was a mechanic.

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I took my car to the dentist. He said "I'm not a mechanic but your grill looks alright".

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Did you hear about the mechanic that left his job to go into retail? He worked with a tyre.

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Why did the mechanic powerwash his shocks? Because he wanted to do a little spring cleaning.

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How do you tell if a homeless man has a girlfriend? It's easy, he's got 2 clean fingers.


You can say mechanic, plumber, welder etc. This joke has versatility, use it wisely.

Score: 1

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