Mechanic Jokes

My grandfather personally killed 30 German aviators during WW2 He was the shittiest mechanic the luftwaffe had.

“Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.” Son: Dad, you were a helicopter mechanic.

Dad: Never said I was a good one.

What does a mechanic do for a one night stand? He nuts and bolts.

Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic? He needed to change attire.

(I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.)

A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic. "Whenever I'm driving, I get these strange urges to run over pedestrians."

The mechanic has a look under the car. "Your alignment is off."

My car started making this whining noise... So I took it to the shop and had the mechanic look over it. Turns out all he had to do was take the Taylor Swift album out.


Sorry if this was a repost, I took a quick browse and didn't see it anywhere.

During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots. He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever recruited.

My grandpa destroyed 38 planes in WW2, killed 58 Germans. Literally the worst mechanic of the Luftwaffe

My grandad killed 50 German pilots in WW2 He wasn't a very skilled mechanic.

My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed German planes in WWII. Still to this day he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers. He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Did you hear about the Large Hadron Collider going down? They are gonna have to bring in a quantum mechanic.

Where does an atom go when it breaks down? A quantum mechanic.

lel

Son in Iraq i killed 20 people. Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic.

Dad: Never said I was a good one.

How can you tell if a mechanic has gotten laid? He has one clean finger

[at auto mechanic] \[at auto mechanic\]

MECHANIC: Can I help you?

ME: My car won't start

MECHANIC: Umm, that's a bicycle

ME: Because my car won't start, are you even listening?

How can you tell a mechanic has gotten lucky? He's got one clean finger!

Did you hear about the mechanic who was addicted to brake fluid? He said he could stop at anytime.

The local mechanic was arrested for being a drug dealer. I've been his customers for 4 years and I never knew he was a mechanic.

Piece of Dating Advice Do not date a car mechanic if you're looking for a long term partner. Typically, a mechanic just nuts and bolts.

My grandfather was responsible for 49 downed German planes. Still to this day, he holds the record for worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

Mechanic: "When were your tires last rotated?" Me: "On the way here, silly."

How can you tell a mechanic got laid? He has one clean finger

My grandfather was a World War 2 Vet In a single day during the Battle of Britain he was responsible for the destruction of 8 German aircraft killing 32 German airmen.


Easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe had ever had.

A penguin talks his snowmobile in to get fixed. The mechanic takes a look at it and says "looks like you blew a seal." penguin replies "no, that's just frosting on my lip."

What does a mechanic do when he has a one night stand? Screws, nuts, and bolts!

This mechanic in my area went to jail for dealing drugs I've been his customer for over 5 years...I had no clue he was a mechanic.

During WW2 my grandad downed over 35 German planes... He still holds the record as the worst mechanic in Luftwaffe history.

Did you hear about the mechanic who accidentally punctured the wheels of his car? He retired.

What does a mechanic looking for a one night stand do? He nuts and bolts

A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance. He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".

A penguin took his car to the mechanic. The penguin left to get some ice cream and returned a few minutes later.

"It looks like you blew a seal" said the mechanic.

"Gross, its just ice cream" replied the penguin.

How can you tell if a mechanic has just gotten freaky with a woman? He’s got one clean finger.

Did you hear about the girl who gave out handjobs to electricians, plumbers, mechanic, you name it? She was a right Jack off all trades.

An eskimo brought his car to a mechanic. Mechanic says, "you blew a seal"
Eskimo wipes his face, "no, I just had some ice cream".

A photographer and a mechanic have a child After two long days of searching for the perfect name, they name him Cam.

What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have? An Audi

My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed german planes in Ww2 still to this date holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

A car mechanic went bankrupt in less than a month His repair shop was on the second floor.