My grandfather personally killed 30 German aviators during WW2 He was the shittiest mechanic the luftwaffe had.
Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.
A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic
A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic. "Whenever I'm driving, I get these strange urges to run over pedestrians."
The mechanic has a look under the car. "Your alignment is off."
My car started making this whining noise...
So I took it to the shop and had the mechanic look over it. Turns out all he had to do was take the Taylor Swift album out.
Sorry if this was a repost, I took a quick browse and didn't see it anywhere.
During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots. He was the crappiest mechanic the Luftwaffe ever recruited.
My grandpa destroyed 38 planes in WW2, killed 58 Germans. Literally the worst mechanic of the Luftwaffe
My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers. He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
Today i watched the news and saw that my nearest mechanic was a drug seller. That's horrible, so many years being a client and only today i realized he could have repaired my car.
I took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Xmas CD, and now it's fine.
Did you hear about the mechanic who was addicted to brake fluid? He said he could stop at anytime.
My grandfather was responsible for the downing of over 30 enemy aircrafts during WW2 And still to this day, the Luftwaffe considers him the worst mechanic they've ever had.
Piece of Dating Advice Do not date a car mechanic if you're looking for a long term partner. Typically, a mechanic just nuts and bolts.
The local mechanic was arrested for being a drug dealer. I've been his customers for 4 years and I never knew he was a mechanic.
My grandfather was responsible for 49 downed German planes. Still to this day, he holds the record for worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
My grandfather was a World War 2 Vet
In a single day during the Battle of Britain he was responsible for the destruction of 8 German aircraft killing 32 German airmen.
Easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe had ever had.
A penguin talks his snowmobile in to get fixed. The mechanic takes a look at it and says "looks like you blew a seal." penguin replies "no, that's just frosting on my lip."
This mechanic in my area went to jail for dealing drugs I've been his customer for over 5 years...I had no clue he was a mechanic.
A penguin sent his car to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2. Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
Did you hear about the mechanic who accidentally punctured the wheels of his car? He retired.
I was recently fired as a mechanic I could not believe it, they called me a thief. Even though it expressly says in the contract that I am allowed to take brakes!
An eskimo visits Wales...
An eskimo visits Wales, and as he's driving along the motorway, his car breaks down.
The mechanic turns up and looks under the bonnet.
"You've blown a seal." He says.
The eskimo replies "So what? You bugger sheep."
A penguin takes his car to the shop for maintenance. He goes across the street to a ice cream stand for a vinilla cone. Later he goes back to the shop to check on his car. Mechanic says "looks like you blew a seal". Penguin goes "No, it's just ice cream".
Did you hear about the car mechanic who was in a brief relationship and then left?
There was an article in the newspaper.
MECHANIC NUTS AND BOLTS
My great-grandfather in WWII
My great grandpa was responsible for the downing of over 25 German aircraft during the war.
He was the worst mechanic in the whole Luftwaffe.
How can you tell if a mechanic has just gotten freaky with a woman? He’s got one clean finger.
— Did you know my grandfather downed 23 airplanes during WWII?
— Really?! Wow!
— Yeah! He was the worst mechanic the RAF ever had!
While driving home I saw my mechanic on the side of the road crying like a little baby. I don’t know exactly what happened but he must have had a serious breakdown
I took my car to the mechanic because it was making noises He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD and now it’s fine
My grandpa was a WW2 veteran. He destroyed four planes and killed twelve men in one day. He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe had.
Things used to be simple, there was a time when you were named after your occupation If you were a smith your name was smith, if you were a baker your name was baker, and if you were a mechanic your name was Joe... or Jose
How do you tell the difference between a mechanic and an electrician? The electrician washes his hands AFTER he goes to the toilet.
I took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD and now it's fine
During World War II, my grandpa single-handedly killed 30 German pilots He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever hired.
I had some trouble with my car. I took it to the garage. The mechanic said “You have a flat battery”. ... I said “Oh. What shape should it be?”
My grandfather killed 43 German pilots during World War 2. Honestly though it’s on them for making an alcoholic a Luftwaffe mechanic
My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed german planes in Ww2 still to this date holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
My grandad was responsible for 28 German planes going down. Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
Dad: at you’re age i had already killed 10 people in iraq.
Son: but dad, you were a car mechanic in iraq, you’ve never gone to a battle.
Dad: i never said i was a good mechanic.
My grandfather personally killed 30 German aviators during World War II He was the worst mechanic the luftwaffe had.
Did you know in Amsterdam there's a combination brothel and mechanic shop? Apparently, they do a two-for-one on rimjobs.
A mechanic from my neighborhood was arrested yesterday for selling drugs. I was his client for 5 years and I didn't know he was a mechanic.
I never knew my mechanic was a psychic Until he loudly announced that I had blown the tranny in my car.
What’s the difference between a gentleman and a mechanic? A gentleman washes his hands after he goes to the bathroom. A mechanic washes his hands before.
A guys car broke down in Alaska. A mechanic came by to look at it and said "looks like you blew a seal" the guy replies "no thats just frost on my moustache"
How did the auto mechanic pass his class on government? He had all the right answers “hon da’ civics” exam!
My car had trouble starting
So I asked a mechanic friend to take a look at my car.
He replied, "Yup. That's a car"