Indian Jokes

Contents

Funniest Indian Jokes

Funny Indian Jokes

How can you tell the difference between an Indian and African elephant? One of them is an elephant

America sure is having some bad luck It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

America is going through such bad luck at the moment It's as if the whole country were built on haunted Indian burial grounds...

The US is having so many disasters and tragedies Youd almost think it was built on top of thousands of ancient indian burial grounds.

Edit: Hey thanks for the gold stranger!

My wife left me for an Indian guy I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? Mumbai!

My wife left me for an Indian guy It's okay, I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows

edit: shout out to my boy caleb i know u see this abrafam lincoln

How about an Indian joke? A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?"


A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?"


She replies: "Do you want to meet my daughter?"

America is sure having some bad luck these days. It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, You'd almost think the whole country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground

With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year... You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

Happy Thanksgiving!

With all the bad things happenning in america right now, you woulda thought the whole thing was built on some Indian burial ground.

My buddy went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back... Half way through he said "Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand."

The tattooist said "Hang on pal, I've only just finished his turban."

What's the difference between an African and an Indian Elephant One of them is an elephant

When my new Indian girlfriend said I could give her a facial... ...I nearly came on the spot...

Davinath the Indian wife beater punches his wife every night at 7 PM. On the dot.

How does an Indian girl tell her family she will be wearing a Western dress to her wedding? "Sorry, not Sari."

What did Indian say to mum when he left? Mumbai.

What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant? One is an elephant.

I wnet to an Indian restaurant and ordered biryani... The waiter said, sorry sir, I don’t know what a birlaurel is.

How do you tell the difference between an Indian and African elephant? One of them is an elephant.

The United States has such bad luck It's almost as if it was build on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

I just saw an Indian guy shaking a piece of carpet outside his door. I said, "Whats up, Won't it start?"

The United States is always being hit with tragedies and crises like a bad curse... Just as if it was built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground.

Sandeep the indian wifebeater punches his wife at 7pm every night On the dot

Why doesn't Yelp remove fake reviews of Indian restaurants? Because everyone likes a little naan fiction

To all the people who listen to my Indian accent and automatically assume I’m in IT, let me tell you something. That’s just a coincidence.

What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant? One of them isn't an elephant.

What did the indian boy say to his mom before he left? Mumbai

Indian restaurants make most of their money off of the bread.. They're naan-profit organizations.

I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent

Hotel Indian. Did you hear about the Indian who had to sleep in the hotel lobby because he didn't have a reservation?

LPT: When calling out of work or school, don't fake congestion, etc... instead try using your best Indian accent. There's a much higher chance they'll believe you're Sikh.

An Indian woman jumps up mid flight and shouts 'is there a doctor on the plane?' A nice, serious guy approaches quickly and says 'i'm a doctor, what's the problem?'

She replies 'Would you like to meet my daughter?'

I fainted at an Indian restaurant when I found out that R.E.M had split up That's me in the korma.

An Indian talks to a UKIP supporter UKIP supporter: "Oh you damn people are invading our country and taking everything of ours"

Indian :"No sir we are simply returning the favour"

With all these natural disasters happening, Its almost as if the USA was built over thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

What does an Indian kid say before leaving his house for the day?.. Mumbai

America is sure having some bad luck lately It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

Popular Topics

New Indian Jokes

What happened to the Indian bread when it left the country? It became a Naan Residential Indian.

My friend said to me today: With what’s happening in the United States it looks like they are cursed. As if they had built their state on an Indian cemetery !

whats the difference between an Indian and an African elephant? One's an elephant

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I believe that he will treat her great, because in India they worship cows.

So my wife left me for an indian guy... Im sure she'll be treated well, they consider cows to be sacred.

A wizard turned my cat into a pile of Indian spice! Oh lawd, he cumin!

An Indian bakery was handing out bread to help relieve people affected by corona I’m pretty sure they were naan profit

Why did the quarantine shut down the Indian Cuisine? Because it was a NaN-Essential business.

How many jokes about Indian food do you know? Naan.

I tried to make Indian sourdough but that was a naan starter.

What did the Indian boy say to his parent before going into self isolation? Mumbai

America is having such bad lucky recently like it’s cursed! It’s almost as if it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground or something...

What's the difference between an Indian and African elephant? For starters, one of them is an elephant.

My wife left me for an Indian man I wouldn't be worried about it becouse I know that in India they sure take good care of their cows.

I saw an Indian woman the other day. I said, "Nice robe." She said, "It's not a robe."

I was like, "Woah, sari."

A cowboy enters an outhouse and hears a noise down the hole He looks down it and notices a Native American

He yells down “How long have you been down there!”

The Indian responds: “Many moons... many... many moons”

Was going to make a joke about Indian food. But I got naan.

Indian takeaway - £20. Cost of delivery - £2. Finding out they've forgotten part of your order... Riceless!

If your superpower is to shapeshift, do not transform into an Indian garment Or you'll be Sari

If I have an Indian Restaurant, I'll call it Jack of All Trades Master of Naan

Have you heard of an Indian restaurant named Ghee spot? It is difficult to find

I tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbor ... but he said he had naan.

What did Hermione Granger say to her friend that mispronounced their order at an Indian restaurant? It’s samOsa not samoSA

What do you call it when an Indian and a Portuguese are sexting? Spice trade

I got banned for life from our local Indian restaurant. I am Persona naan grata.

How do Indian cyclists carry their cheese? In their paneer bags

They were out of bread at the Indian restaurant I was at The waiter said it was a naan issue.

My wife only likes plain Indian flatbread She's a naan-conformist.

What did the Indian man name his camel? Humpal Singh

I opened an Indian restaurant called the ghee spot It's hard to find

My friend crashed his car into an Indian restaurant Now he’s in a korma

What do you call a thick Indian babysitter? Naany

Why did the Indian man go to the doctor? He was Sikh.

Did you hear about the Indian priest who always donated bread to charity? He was the Naan-Prophet

Indian parents can never like OnePlus Because it tells you to 'Never Settle'

How many bread types do Indian people like? naan

An indian (native American) drank 50 cups of tea. Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.

What happened to the Indian who drank too much iced tea? He slept in his tea pee

Why was the Indian chief buried at the bottom of the hill? He was dead

I went to an Indian restaurant and asked the server if there were any bread options... He said, “Sorry sir. We have naan.”

Popular Topics

Long Indian Jokes

A good (and very old) joke to explain why people are stocking up on necessities

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.

When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

Also, being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied,"it's definitely going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."

EDIT: formatting...

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding

He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”


“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".

An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a Plane.

An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.

Soon enough, he got hungry.

"Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis.

The man to his right said he would like a Coke.

"Of course." said the Indian.

"After all, Indians and Pakistanis are Brothers!"

When the Indian went to get the coke, the man who asked for the Coke spit in one of his shoes.

Once the Indian came back, the guy to his left asked him for another Coke. He happily obliged. While he was gone, the man spit in his other shoe.

Soon enough, the Indian returned, with the Coke, of course. After everyone had settled down, and the Pakistanis had had half their Cokes, the Indian put his legs in his shoes and sighed.

"How long will we keep doing this, brothers? Spitting in each others shoes, pissing in each others Cokes?"

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane...

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat … As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, ” Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “” Business. I’m going to the Annual Nympho- maniacs of America Convention in Boston .”
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”
” Lecturer,” she responded. ” I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he said. ” And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained,” one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. ” I’m sorry,” she said, ” I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name…”
“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.”

An old Indian walks into a bank and asks for a $500 loan.

Clerk: What are you going to do with the money?

Indian: I'm going to go into the city and sell my handmade jewelry.

Clerk: Do you have a collateral?

Indian: What's a collateral?

Clerk: A collateral is something of value that can cover the amount of the loan. For example, do you have a car?

Indian: Yes, I have a 1949 Ford truck

Clerk: That won't do. Do you have livestock?

Indian: Yes, I have a horse

Clerk: How old is it?

Indian: I don't know, it doesn't have teeth.

After some negotiations, the Indian and the clerk settle on a collateral. The clerk does all the paperwork and gives the Indian $500.

A few weeks later, the Indian returns to the bank, walks up to the same clerk, takes out a huge wad of bills and returns the loan.

Clerk: I see your jewelry sold well. What are you going to do with the rest of the money?

Indian: I will keep it in my wigwam.

Clerk: No need to do that. You can make a deposit in our bank.

Indian: What's a deposit?

Clerk: A deposit is when you give money to the bank, the bank cares for it, and when it's time, you can come back to the bank and take your money.

Indian: And what does the bank have as a collateral?

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from India and the third, from China.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, outraged says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence"

Nymphomaniac Convention

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.
As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston"

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men,

when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

Tribal Wisdom

So a cowboy is riding along a trail in the old west and sees an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. As he gets closer he hears the Indian saying to himself "Wagon...two gray horses...two passengers, man and woman...man driving" The cowboy goes "Wow! you can tell all that by just putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian replies "No. Wagon pass half hour ago, run me over."

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Indian man were waiting outside the delivery room.

The matron comes out and explains that the hospital has accidentally mixed up the babies.

The Scot goes straight in and picks up the brown baby.

The Indian says "Are you sure that's your baby?"

The Scot says "No, but there's no way I'm going to risk leaving here with an English baby."

Two Cows

**Edit: Just to make it clear, I am not taking credit for the joke(s). I just merely found it/them whilst browsing around and thought you guys would appreciate it/them.**



SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour



COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk



NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.

You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.

You still only have two cows.


A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A cowboy, an Indian, and a Muslim are sitting in a bar..

the Indian looks up and with a single tear and says "My people were once many, but now we're few." The Muslim chuckles and says " My people were once few, but now we're many." The cowboy looks up and says "Thats because we haven't played cowboys and Muslims yet."

My first original long joke called "Luck"

When I was young, I was always lucky. When I was five, my mom asked me to give 6 numbers for the lottery. “8, 13, 27, 29, 30, 31” I said. Without any hesitation, my mom punched those numbers on the lottery ticket and hoped for the best. Later that night, my whole family was watching the lottery on the television.

“The winning numbers are 8!” The announcer said.

“Five more numbers and I’m a millionaire!” my mom said with a big smile on her face.

“13!” The announcer continued. My dad, who believed throughout his whole life that the lottery is rigged by politicians, suddenly looked towards the television. It was as if he knew that we were going to win.

“27!” We already have half of the winning numbers. My family wasn’t really that rich, so winning the lottery would be a big help.

“29!” Is it really going to happen? Are we really going to win ₱80,000,000?”

“30!” One more number! The least amount we could get now is ₱50,000. Getting 5 out of the 6 winning numbers is already a big achievement in itself. Even if we don’t win, getting 5 winning numbers was already a testament on how lucky I was.

It was as if God heard me and answered with a big “Okay”.

“32!” Silence filled the room. My dad slowly looked away from the television and started reading his book once again. The smile in my mom’s face quickly disappeared as she stood up and went to sleep. Meanwhile, I was still very proud of my achievement. 5 out of 6 was unbelievably good. The next day, I bragged to my classmates that I had an 83.33333% guess rate. Most of my classmates were like “Whoa, that’s amazing” but one classmate of mine asked “Then what happened to the other 16.66666%?”

That guy’s name was Calvin. Up until high school, he was considered as the “Shotgun King”. He would just shotgun any major test but still end up with a 100% grade. He was one of the few people in the world that were luckier than me. At age 11, he already won the 6/55 Grand Lotto four times, and he wasn’t only lucky with the lottery, he was lucky with everything. Five months ago, he won a 2017 Audi A3 Sedan. Three months ago, he won a Mercedes-Benz AMG 43, and about a week ago, he won a Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor. He won all these via raffle. There were a lot of doubts about his wins since not even the Philippine Air Force has an F-22.

I haven’t been participating in any more raffles since my mom said that I should focus on my studies. While walking to class, I saw this flyer that said about a raffle with the 1st prize of a Samsung Refrigerator. It was the perfect time to test out my luck skills, besides, my family would extremely benefit from a new refrigerator. While I was putting my raffle entries inside the drop box, someone patted my shoulder.

“Hey Kyle!” the guy said. It was Calvin.

“Hey Calvin, what’s up?” I said.

“You’re entering the raffle too?” He asked.

“Yeah man, it’s been a long time since I won something.” I answered.

“Well good luck.” He said. “I’m joining the raffle too, so the chances of you winning are slim.”

After two days, it was already raffle day. Despite what Calvin said, I was positive that I would win, so I sat in front, near where the results were going to be announced.

One by one, the results were slowly announced, starting from the 5th prize.

“The 5th prize goes to Earl Cayanan!”

“The 4th prize goes to Mary Ann Severino!”

“The 3rd prize goes to John Paul Melecio!”

“The 2nd prize goes to Harold Eugenio!”

Finally, it was the time for the 1st prize. In the corner of my eye, I suddenly saw Calvin talking to some security guards. I smell something fishy going on.

“And for the 1st prize, congratulations to Calvin Tolentino!”

Calvin quickly ran up the stage. I didn’t believe the results so I ran up to Calvin, but on the way, two security guards stopped me. I didn’t give up. I shouted: “I’m the real winner, not you! The whole raffle was rigged!” One security guard then grabbed his gun and smacked its base to my head. I passed out.

I then woke up in a hospital room with an old lady whom I’ve never met before, sitting beside me.

“So, do you want to beat Calvin?” She asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked in return.

“I can make you win the next major raffle.”

“How?” I quickly asked as I was interested.

“Well, the next raffle has a bottle made out of diamonds as its first prize. If sold, it could be as expensive as ₱850,000,000.”

“Okay so how do I win it?”

“Hold your horses, young boy, that’s not the real first prize. You shouldn’t win the bottle, but instead, go to the host right after the program has ended. He will give you the keys to the ‘Win All Raffles Robot’ or WARR for short.”

“The what?”

“Okay, this might sound crazy but there is a robot that can make you win all raffle you enter. It’s called the ‘Win All Raffles Robot’.”

“So how does it work?” I asked out of curiosity.

“No one knows, it was sent by God during the 1300’s. What I do know is that whoever has the WARR would never lose a raffle. Your friend Calvin was just really lucky, but with the WARR, you’d be more than lucky.”

“But how would I be sure that the host would give it to me?”

“Well, he is my son.”

“How is he your son?”

“I gave birth to him.”

Since this conversation seemed like it wouldn’t lead to anything useful anymore, I packed my things and left the hospital. Moments later, I saw a flyer that caught my eye.

“Win a 700-year-old Venetian Diamond Wine Bottle worth ₱850,000,000. All you have to do is enter the raffle to have a chance.”

Maybe this was the raffle the old lady was talking about. I quickly went to the raffle booth and entered.

“The raffle draw will be in an hour, sir.” The clerk said. “You can meanwhile sit in our Waiting Area.”

Inside the Waiting Area were chairs, tables, and a television showing a replay of the 2021 NBA Finals. It’s crazy how the Lakers won it in 6 games. Joel Embiid was such a beast for Philadelphia but they still weren’t able to pull it off.

After an hour, I left the waiting room and sat in the front row near the stage where the raffle will be drawn. Slowly, people started coming and the seats started to fill up.

It was time.

The host came out of the curtains and picked one raffle ticket in the spinning jar.

“The 5th prize which is a 1942 Zero Japanese fighter plane, goes to Erika Sanchez!”

“The 4th prize, which is an authentic piece of the Shroud of Turin, goes to Francois LeBourgeoisie!” I can’t believe the host mispronounced his name.

“The 3rd prize, which is the original copy of the Indian epic, the Ramayana, goes to Juan Tiu-Tres.”

“The 2nd prize, which is a legitimate metal shard from the 1947 Roswell UFO Crash goes to Zack Dimagiba.

“And finally, the event you’ve all been waiting for, the 1st prize which is a 700-year-old Venetian Diamond Wine Bottle goes to…Calvin Tolentino!”

“What?!” I shouted as I jumped off my seat.

Someone then suddenly patted my back. It was Calvin.

“It’s okay Kyle, you’ll get your chance.” Calvin said.

I was about to punch him in the face but I suddenly remembered that I never really intended to win the 1st prize, so before Calvin went to the stage to claim his prize, I told him: “Hey Calvin!”

“Yes Kyle?” He said with an intimidating smile to his face.

I moved closer to him, stared him in the eye, and softly said: “You may have won the bottle, but you haven’t won the WARR.”

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.

As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman
he ever saw boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out,

"Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said,

"Business."

I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard.

Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him,
and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,

"What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded.

"I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences
to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said.

"And what kind of myths are there?" "

"Well", she explained,

"One popular myth is that African-American men
are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact
it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

"Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers,
when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina
is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.

"I'm sorry," she said,

"I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you.
I don't even know your name..."

"Tonto," the man said ,

"Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

An American Indian chief took three wives...

To the first, he gave a buffalo hide. To the second, he gave a deer hide. But for the third, his favorite, he sent a brave far away, across land and water, to retrieve the rare and highly coveted hide of the hippopotamus.

Within a year, the first two squaws had each borne the Indian chief a son. In their honor, they were moved into a spacious, comfortable tepee. The third squaw, though childless, was also moved into another spacious tepee. The first two squaws complained bitterly of this inequity. They, who had borne sons for the chief, had to share a tent, while the third and childless squaw got one to herself. So the chief explained:

"The sons of the squaws of the two hides are equal to the squaw of the hippopotamus."

Twenty years ago a man was driving down a deserted road in Arizona...

...he sees a sign that says, "Amazing Red Cloud, the Indian who remembers everything."

So the guy pulls over and there under a canopy sits an American Indian.

The guy thinks for a minute and asks the Indian, "What did you have for breakfast on July 8th, 1987?"

The Indian says, "Eggs".

Skeptically, the guy says, "That proves nothing." and he gets back into in his car and drives away.

Twenty years later, the same guy and his, now, family are on vacation in Arizona when the guy passes the same sign; "Amazing Red Cloud, the Indian that remembers everything".

So the guy pulls over and sure enough there is the same Indian, sitting under a canopy. The guy walks up to the Indian and, still skeptical, raises his hand and says "How."

The Indian says, "Scrambled."

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good but he can't let his people down so when they ask him if snow is coming he tells them.

"I must go and speak with the spirits. All of you cut firewood until I get back though just in case." And so the whole tribe begins cutting wood and the new shaman goes to "Talk with the spirits" by walking through the woods, crossing the highway, finding a payphone and calling the weather service.

"Will it snow soon?" He asks.

"Yes" they reply, and it looks like it'll be very bad.

So he crosses back over the highway and through the woods back to his tribe.

"The spirits have spoken!" He told them "The snow will be coming soon and be very bad, we must prepare and cut more lumber!"

For the next week the tribe works night and day cutting firewood. It no snow comes and they approached the new shaman again.

"We see no signs of snow" they cried "The spirits must be wrong. Please go and make sure they said it would snow."

"I will go and speak with the spirits again. All of you cut firewood until I get back though just in case." And so the whole tribe continues cutting wood and the new shaman goes to "Talk with the spirits" by walking through the woods, crossing the highway, finding a payphone and calling the weather service.

"Are you sure it will snow soon?" He asks.

"Yes" they reply, and it looks like it'll be very bad.much worse than we thought the first time."

So he crosses back over the highway and through the woods back to his tribe.

"It will be a terrible snow! We must work harder to ensure our survival this winter!" He told the tribe. And so the tribe worked even harder, clearing the land for firewood but still the snow never came.

A week later the the tribe approached the shaman again.

"Surely this must be enough firewood, we've cut down so many of our trees and still no snow.Please make sure the spirits are correct."

"I must go and speak with the spirits. All of you cut firewood until I get back though just in case." And so the whole tribe begins cutting wood and the new shaman goes to "Talk with the spirits" by walking through the woods, crossing the highway, finding a payphone and calling the weather service.

"Are you positive it will snow soon?" He asks.

"Yes, dreadfully bad! Impossibly bad!" they reply.

"How can you tell it will be so bad?" He asks

"Well our maps don't show a cloud in the sky but the local Indian tribe has cut down half a damn forest for firewood!"

An Indian who was too modern was elected as chief of the tribe

Fall was upon this remote reservation when the tribe asked their new Chief what the coming winter was going to be like. The modern day Chief had never been taught the secrets of the ancients. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.


Better safe than sorry, he said to himself and told his tribe that the winter was indeed expected to be cold and that the members of the village should stock up on firewood to be prepared.


After several days, our modern Chief got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"


"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.


So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"


"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's going to be a very cold winter."


The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"


"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."


"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.


The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."

A young woman was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the
horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode off.

"Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "I don't know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”
“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".

Joke translated to English

Once upon a time, there was a young Indian man named Ram who fell in love with a beautiful white woman. Although his parents did not approve, he stubbornly married the woman and brought her to live in the home he shared with his parents.

The next day, Ram's mother, named Sita, made breakfast for the whole family. She lovingly made lunch for her husband and son to take to work. The white woman, however, stayed in bed long after the two men went off to work. When she finally came out of her room, Sita was shocked to see the white woman completely naked!

"Why aren't you wearing clothes?!" asked Sita.

"This is my birthday suit. I was born in this suit, and this is the suit that I shall wear at home."

Sita tried to explain that the woman couldn't just walk around the house naked. What would Ram's father think?! The white woman ignored her requests.

Later that evening, Sita spoke imploringly to her son. "Ram, your wife is walking around in her birthday suit... These white people...!"

"I don't mind," said Ram, laughing. "I like it."

Shocked, Sita went to her own husband and explained the problem to him. "Sita, she is making her husband happy. She should try to keep him pleased with her," said Ram's father.

Over the next few days, Sita watched as her daughter in law walked around the house in comfort, and suddenly her own sari seemed like a burden to wear. She also noticed that her son couldn't keep his hands off his wife. Despite doing no housework at all, this white woman's birthday suit was keeping her husband very happy.

Sita decided to embrace her daughter in law's ways. The next day, her husband found her reclining peacefully on the couch, absolutely naked.

"What do you think? I'm in my birthday suit," she said, smiling.

"Sita, at least you should have ironed it!!"

Popular Topics