Guess What Jokes

A man comes home one day and says, "Guess what honey? Pack your bags, I won the lottery!" The wife squeals with delight and says, "That's great! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?" He says, "I don't care, just get out!"

Score: 326
Funny Guess What Jokes
Score: 200

GUESS WHAT I SAW! Wood.

Score: 145

Young Actor: "Dad, guess what? I've just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who's been married for 30 years." Father: "Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you'll get a speaking part."

Score: 102

A man comes home one day and says, "Guess what honey?! Pack for vacation, I won the lottery!" The wife squeals with delight and says, "That's great! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?"

He says, "I don't care, just get out!"

Score: 82

My girlfriend stepped on the scales recently and asked me to guess what they said. I said "One at a time please"?

She was not amused.

Score: 25

A guy walks up to a girl in the bar with his fist closed and says........I will go down on you if you can guess what I have in my hand. The girl says........The empire state building.

The guy says..........That's close enough.

Score: 24

If being sexually active reduces the chance of developing prostate cancer, guess what I am doing tonight? Developing cancer.

Score: 24

I asked my amputee daughter if she could guess what we were having for dinner tonight. She replied with "I don't know dad I'm stumped"

Score: 19

Guess What? Chicken Butt.

Score: 18

My ex-wife recently passed away. Guess what she got on her gravestone? My urine.

Score: 18

"Guess What?" "What?"

"Good Guess"

Score: 17

I'm a guy who's into Star Wars, Star Trek and Doctor Who. Can you guess what I'm not into right now? A woman.

Score: 13

Guess what my Valentine gave me? Carpal Tunnel...

Score: 12

My friend's WoW character couldn't go forward anymore. You'll never guess what he said !? " wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

Score: 11

I asked my amputee daughter if she could guess what we’re having for dinner tonight She replied “i don’t know Dad, Im stumped”

Score: 8

I stopped going to gym and guess what I got. A trophy

Score: 8

The military just came to my door saying I was getting drafted, guess what I did Iran

Score: 8

Some people play the sexist card. Some people play the racist card. Guess what my wife plays? My credit card.

Score: 7

Guess what I did today.... i 2^3 Σ π

Score: 5

Karen: You'll never guess what I got you for your birthday. Dave: A 3-way with your sister?

Karen: \*storms out

Dave: omg did I ruin the surprise?

Score: 5

Guess what fraternity my racist friend joined Tri Kappa

Score: 4

Muhammad walks up to the Buddha and says "Guess what a mosque and 9 year old have in common." I've been in both.

Score: 4

Guess what I'm going to do if I get Alzheimer's? Guess what I'm going to do if I get Alzheimer's?

Score: 4

I just got a wooden motorcycle. It has a wooden frame, wooden handle bars, wooden wheels, and a wooden seat. Guess what? It wooden start.

Score: 4

My Wife is coming home after a week long trip! Guess what i'm getting tonight?!... Yelled at...I'm getting Yelled at!

Score: 3

I have a famous turtle. Guess what it's called? Shellebrity.

Score: 3

Do you think a Stegosaurus can accurately guess what era it belongs to? You bet jurassic-an.

Score: 3

Guess what the difference is between EA and my wife? My wife didn’t leave me after I bought her

Score: 3

If Daenerys from Game of Thrones married Khal Moro instead of Khal Drogo, guess what she would've named her biggest dragon? Moron.

Score: 3

A cowboy goes to the barber. When the barber is done cutting his hair, the cowboy goes back outside. And guess what? Pony gone.

Score: 3

Mars and NASA we’re having a conversation Mars: Come here

NASA: No way, you’re 33.9 million miles away

Mars: Guess what? I’m wet!

NASA: Stay put. We’ll be right over

Score: 3

Guess what is the perfect time to sneeze... At-CHOO O'clock....

Score: 2

My grandfather had Alzheimer’s, you’ll never guess what he told me! My grandfather had Alzheimer’s, you’ll never guess what he told me!

Score: 2

Guess What Happened To Hillary Clintons Emails! \[Removed\]

Score: 2

The military knocked on my door this morning. Guess what I did? Iran.

Score: 2

Global warming is causing the Mobster Ocean to shink. Guess what they are reclassifying it to. Yeah sea.

Score: 1

I know every joke there is! I'll guess what joke was made on your birthday! you.

Score: 1

**Lame Joke**:Guess whats making the Head Lines! Corduroy Pillows!

Score: 0

..... My school bullies broke my MP3 player but luckily my parents bought me the MP4 player and guess what they broke that to. Tomorrow I’ll bring the mp5

Score: 0

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