Toilet Jokes

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Funniest Toilet Jokes

Funny Toilet Jokes
Score: 1309

What did people say when the inventor of the Dry Erase Board showed off his new invention. That's Remarkable!

Terrible joke, came to me on the toilet early, but I had to say it. And it's also likely be told in some form before.

Score: 1143

I started calling my toilet the "Jim"... instead of the John.

It sounds much better when I say that I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

Score: 1003

I had a breakthrough today and got in touch with my inner self. That's the last time I use cheap toilet paper.

Score: 877

I bought a toilet brush yesterday But I gotta say that I still prefer toilet paper.

Score: 656

The toilet at my local Police Station has been stolen. Cops have nothing to go on

Score: 598

How do you surprise a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet

Score: 477

I got in touch with my inner self once... Never buying single ply toilet paper again.

Score: 452

Two reasons I don't drink toilet water. No.1
No.2

Score: 407

My friend started calling the toilet the Jim instead of the John He said it sounds better when he tell people he goes to the Jim everyday.

Score: 396

Today i got in touch with my inner self That's the last time I buy cheap toilet paper

Score: 377

About 14 women asked me out today I was in the wrong toilet

Score: 376

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl when it goes to the toilet? Because the P is silent.

Score: 325

A toilet was stolen from a police station today... It's a pretty serious crime. The police have nothing to go on.

Score: 323

Toilet paper is sort of like the Starship Enterprise it circles Uranus looking for Klingons

Score: 266

What did they find in the toilet in the star ship Enterprise? The captain's log.

Score: 189

Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

Score: 184

How do you watch NASCAR without a TV? You flush a bag of M&M's down the toilet.

Score: 154

People wonder why I call my toilet "the Jim" instead of "the John" I do it so I can say "I go to the Jim first thing every morning"

Score: 152

I was so poor growing up, we only had a calendar to use as toilet paper… Now those days are behind me…

Score: 142

I am 24 seconds older than my twin brother... ... whenever I come out of the toilet I start a sentence with "When I was your age...." then proceed telling him the details of my majestic creation.

Score: 139

I bought a toilet brush since I saw one in pretty much everyone's bathroom... but after giving it a try for a week I decided to go back to using toilet paper.

Score: 130

What is the worst thing you can do to a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Score: 118

How do you make a blind person scream? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Score: 117

I really got in touch with my inner self today. I should probably start buying thicker toilet paper.

Score: 111

I decided to rename my toilet from "The John" to "The Jim." I feel much better saying I've been to "The Jim" this morning.

Score: 110

Annoying husband Husband says: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife says: I clean the toilet...
Husband says: How does that help?
Wife says: I use your Toothbrush.....

Score: 109

Did you hear about the robbers who broke into the police station and stole all the toilet seats? It happened last week and the cops still don't have anything to go on.

Score: 109

I had a breakthrough and got in touch with my inner self. That's the last time I buy single ply toilet paper.

Score: 109

I got in touch with my inner self today. Note to self, never get the 1 ply toilet paper again.

Score: 108

My Grandpa said, " Your generation relies too much on technology. I'm doing you a favor" as he tossed my phone into the toilet. I laughed, and replied "No Grandpa, but yours does," as I unplugged his life support.

Score: 67

Someone stole all the toilet seats at the station! Authorities have nothing to go on.

Score: 39

I just ate a load of scrabble tiles. Now I'm terrified my next trip to the toilet will spell disaster.

Score: 34

Why do you never hear a pterodactyl go to the toilet? Because the p is silent

Score: 34

Do blind people care if their significant others are hot? (OC?) Do blind people care if their significant others are hot?

Of course they do! They're blind, not necrophiliacs!

(Probably been done before, but I thought of it while on the toilet.)

Score: 31

I just recently decided to get a toilet brush. Long story short, I'm going back to toilet paper.

Score: 28

Why does KFC not have any toilet paper in their rest rooms? Everything is finger licking good.

Score: 24

What does toilet paper and the Star Trek Enterprise have in common? They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

Score: 16

What does the crew to the enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus fighting Klingons.

Score: 9

Confucius say, man who sits on top of toilet, is high on pot

Score: 7

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New Toilet Jokes

A vampireis coming back from the toilet "Do you know that they have a candy jar on the floor in there?"

Score: 0

What is something extremely dispensible and indispensible at the same time? Toilet paper

Score: 3

Someone told me to prove that i’m an idiot I said i stock toilet paper

Score: 0

Why Doesn't Boris Johnson Just Wipe Out All Remainers? Because he's run out or toilet paper

Score: 0

I bought some cheap single ply toilet paper the other day, and the brand name was Om. When I used it I really felt in touch with my inner self.

Score: 0

The shower and the toilet are having a discussion when The toilet yells at the shower "you're so big but such a cry baby!" and the shower replies "and you're so small yet such a shithole!"

Score: 0

My wife is always asking me why I won't through away my old socks. The toilet paper shortage of 2020 should put an end to that though.

Score: 0

Why did the douchebag go to the store? To buy all the toilet paper

Score: 0

It's my wife's birthday so I've bought her the current must have present, took ages to find and even then had to fight to get it. A 9 pack of toilet roll.

Score: 0

You don't need to stock up on toilet paper during cornavirus. Just get a receipt from CVS.

Score: 0

With Toilet Paper about to be the standard curreny of the apocalypse, Toilet Paper Math is about to get a whole lot more complex! 1 Jumbo Roll = 3 Deer Pelts

Score: 0

It's my wife's birthday next week and I've managed to get her this year's must haves! A 4-pack of toilet roll and a bag of Fusilli! She is going to be thrilled!

Score: 0

more coronavirus mirth how come people panic buy toilet roll, don't they have a flexible shower head?

Score: 0

What did the soda can say to the toilet paper after they were bit by a lycanthrope? We're werewares.

Score: 0

What's Peter Pan's favourite toilet in the men's room for a № 2? Second stall to the right and sit down until movement.

Score: 0

I thought of a new Urban Dictionary word... Commodal Dragon - a person who discards a lot of toilet paper into the commode, flushes the toilet, and overflows said toilet periodically.

Score: 0

Why does a pterodactyl not making any sound when going to the toilet? Because it's dead

Score: 0

Was bored shopping with my girlfriend Went into the changing room and after 5 minutes yelled that there is no toilet paper in here.

Score: 1

You know I was called I perv once, that was probably the weirdest conversation I've ever had in toilet cubical.

Score: 1

What have Star Trek and toilet paper got in common? They both fly around uranus looking for Klingon's

Score: 2

I thought I'd find my inner self with meditation When all I needed was 1 ply toilet paper.

Score: 5

KFC joke. Why don’t they have toilet paper at KFC?

Because it’s finger liking good!

Score: 5

What happens when your significant other discovers your pee on the toilet seat? Urine trouble.

Score: 5

What’s a roll of toilet paper’s drug of choice? Crack.

Score: 4

Breaking news: toilet stolen from the local sheriffs office. Cops have nothing to go on

Score: 2

There's a long long story I want to share. Going to the toilet with nothing in my hand, even a piece of paper.

Score: 2

#Vodkandroid Only in Russia they consider that Elon Musk is not only a billionaire but also a troll. since they seriously believe that money can be spent for the benefit of humanity and not only for golden toilet bowls

Score: 0

Where do a get a chick pea? In the women’s toilet

Score: 0

Why do you hear nothing when a pterodactyl uses the toilet? Because the “pee” is silent

Score: 1

Why dont you bother someone who is digging in his toilet? Hes just mining his own business

Score: 5

My wife took the kids downstairs this morning while i was stuck in the upstairs toilet, so to help i yelled down directions. Im really taking my parenting to a whole other level.


You could even say my kids were answering to a higher power. (☞゚ヮ゚)☞

Score: 1

You know what they say about toilet humor... It's the shittiest form of comedy!

Score: 1

I can't believe that my son blocked the toilet. I spent hours chopping him into little pieces.

Score: 2

In the west, You have a washing machine, a dish-washer, a shower, litter boxes, a toilet & a cemetery But in India: We have the Ganges!

Score: 2

What would be a cruel joke to play on Hellen Keller? Leave the plunger in the toilet!

Score: 2

A joke that my 7 year old daughter told me. What do you call a toy that lights up? A toilet

Score: 3

Did you hear that all the toilet seats in NYC was stolen yesterday? The Police have nothing to go on!

Score: 3

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