2013: Didn't jog - 2014: Didn't jog - 2015: Didn't jog - 2016: Didn't jog - 2017: Didn’t jog - 2018: Didn’t jog - 2019: Still haven’t jogged This is a running joke
"It's a boy", David shouted, "It's a BOY!" With tears rolling down his eyes, David came running out of the room. And never visited Bangkok again.
I'm not racist but..
I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine"
Then I realized mine is at home, polishing my shoes
Is it okay to hate a certain race? I usually run the 5K, but someone from my running group wants to do the 10K, which I don't want because a lot of caucasians participate in that one.
It was 11 years ago today that my pal Joey came running out of that room shouting “it’s a boy” “it’s a boy” with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand.
Eight year old tells funniest joke
My eight year old cousin told me this one:
Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?
Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach
EDIT: god damn you autocorrect! always running my jokes!
It was eleven years ago today my best mate James came running out of the room shouting "It's a boy!" with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand.
As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine. Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.
At the gym I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.
That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.
"I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur.
"I love him more than you," I replied.
She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."
I said, "You misunderstood me."
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House...
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".
Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".
I'm not racist but
I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".
But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoes.
My grandad is a real inspiration to get healthy, he starting running a mile a day when he was 65.... Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is
Four more years is a great thing to shout at a president running for reelection... But not so good to shout at a 14 year old girl.
I was viewing a house being sold by a native american
i asked him if it came with running water,
He said 'no, get your own wife'
You know what is brave? Running against a wall completely naked with a boner. You know what is embarrassing? Breaking your nose doing it.
When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic". So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"
Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I don't mind running a 5k, but my friends want to run in a 10k and I don't like 10ks
A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood.
When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"
The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"
Two clowns are running for public office... It's funny for me though because I live in Canada.
Whats the difference between running in front of a car and running after a car? When you run after the car, you get exhausted. If you run in front of it, you'll get tired.
A bit rapey. The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did too, she began running so I ran too, she screamed so I screamed as well. I never even saw what we were running from.
Why is Jeb! Bush still running for president? Because the Bush family thinks that no child should be left behind.
A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse. That's the last time we're going to Disney.
Everyday I tell the wife I’m gonna do a few miles around the neighborhood for exercise. And I never do lol. It’s a running joke I have
I was buying a house from a Native American the other day
I asked him if it came with running water,
He said 'get your own damn wife'
2014 Didn’t jog
2015 Didn’t jog
2016 Didn’t jog
2017 Didn’t jog
2018 Didn’t jog
2019 Didn’t jog
2020 Still not jogging
This is a running joke.
I think after the pandemic ends I'm still gonna wear masks when I exercise. It's a bit of a running gag.
2013: Didn’t jog - 2014: Didn’t jog - 2015: Didn’t jog - 2016: Didn’t jog - 2017: Didn’t jog - 2018: Didn’t jog - 2019: Didn’t jog - 2020: Still haven’t jogged This is a running joke.
What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment? Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
It was 11 years ago that my pal James came running out the room shouting "it's a boy, it's a boy"with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand
Three years ago my brother came running down the stairs yelling “It’s a boy, it’s a boy!” That’s the last time we visited Thailand
It was 10 years ago today that my best buddy Dave came running out of the room shouting “ it’s a boy!” with tears tears streaming down his face.... ....We never went back to Thailand since!
It was 11 years ago today.
My buddy James came running into the room, tears streaming down his face, and shouting,
“It’s a boy! It’s a boy!”
Needless to say, we never went back to Thailand.
What's the worst combination of two sicknesses? Diarrhea and alzheimer. You are running but you don't know where.
"It's a boy!", He screamed, running out of the room, And vowed never to visit Thailand again.
I was in my room and saw a group of 10 ants running around frantically. I felt bad and made a small house for them out of cardboard. This technically makes me their landlord and they are my .. Tenants
Apparently 25% of women are on some form of medication for mental illness. 25%! That's horrifying. It means 75% of them are running around untreated!
I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open
She said "it's my husband!. Quick, try the backdoor!"
Thinking back, I really should have started running but you don't get offers like that every day.
My friends won’t stop teasing me for giving up in a marathon after only 1 mile I’ve become a running joke
“Hello there, I'm a racist!”
“That's horrible. Why would you even admit something like that?”
“Haha, No I'm racist, as in I love running and racing people.”
“Not black people though, they can all run faster.”
What's the difference between Gordon Ramsay's favorite dish and a slow running computer? One is a Rack of Lamb, the other is a Lack of RAM
A little boy came running up to me and said,
“Please help, my dad is in a fight.”
I followed him and came across two men fighting.
I asked him, “Which one’s your dad?”
He replied, “I don’t know, that’s what they’re fighting about.”
I found out my friend was running a charity for atheism. He said it was a non-prophet organization.
This morning I choked on water while jogging for the third time this week... Worst running gag ever.
What's the worst thing that can happen to a man? Running into a wall while erect and breaking your nose.
I treat every day like I am running a marathon tomorrow... I rest, load up on carbs and don't run.
If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, my illegal logging business is running smoothly
Who won the race?
Who won the race? The lettuce, the tomato or the faucet?
The lettuce was a head, the faucet was still running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
My electricity bill was running suspiciously high Had the power company send someone over. He found a wire tapped into my house running to a neighbor's. Watt do you know, a Joule thief lives next to my Ohm.
I treat every day like I am running a marathon tomorrow... I don't run and I load up on carbs.
I saw a black man running.. I was walking down the street one evening and I saw a black man running holding a television. I thought to my self "i wonder if that's mine", so I hurried back home and lo and behold it was still there, shining my shoes.
After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the table... I needed a running start, but I did it!
Running with a car
If you run in front of a car, you get tired.
If you run in back of a car, you get exhausted.
A tomato; a tap and a hat were having a race... the tap was running but the hat was on ahead while the tomato couldn't ketchup.
Just goes to show, you're never to old to try new things. My nan starting running when she was 65, she's 71 now and we've no idea where she is.