2013: Didn't jog - 2014: Didn't jog - 2015: Didn't jog - 2016: Didn't jog - 2017: Didn’t jog - 2018: Didn’t jog - 2019: Still haven’t jogged This is a running joke
Is your refrigerator running? Because I might vote for it.
Is your refrigerator running? Because I'd vote for it.
"It's a boy", David shouted, "It's a BOY!" With tears rolling down his eyes, David came running out of the room. And never visited Bangkok again.
I'm not racist but..
I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine"
Then I realized mine is at home, polishing my shoes
How does Harry Potter get down a hill? By running.
Is it okay to hate a certain race? I usually run the 5K, but someone from my running group wants to do the 10K, which I don't want because a lot of caucasians participate in that one.
What's more dangerous than running with the scissors? Scissoring with the runs
So what are you in to ?
\- I stalk people.
\- Oh really ? Well, I like nature and running.
\- I know.
Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate? To lay off his campaign staff.
As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine. Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.
At the gym I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.
That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.
"I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur.
"I love him more than you," I replied.
She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."
I said, "You misunderstood me."
Is your refrigerator running? Because if so I'll probably vote for it.
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House...
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".
Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".
I'm not racist but
I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".
But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoes.
My grandad is a real inspiration to get healthy, he starting running a mile a day when he was 65.... Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is
Is it wrong to hate an entire race? I just think marathons are *way* too much running
A bike in town keeps running me over It’s a vicious cycle
I hate political jokes And it disgusts me that two are running for president.
Four more years is a great thing to shout at a president running for reelection... But not so good to shout at a 14 year old girl.
Whats worse than running with scissors? Scissoring with the runs.
Girl, are you Norton Antivirus? Because when you're running, I can't seem to do anything but watch.
I was viewing a house being sold by a native american
i asked him if it came with running water,
He said 'no, get your own wife'
When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic". So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"
How did the Pharoah get so rich? He was running a huge pyramid scheme
Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I don't mind running a 5k, but my friends want to run in a 10k and I don't like 10ks
A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood.
When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"
The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"
Which is better exercise, chasing a car or running away from one? Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.
A hat and a tie are out running
The tie gets tired and says he needs a break.
The hat replies "Don't worry. You hang around and I'll go on ahead."
I treat every day like I'm running a marathon tomorrow... I rest, load up on carbs and don't work out.
My friend has no running water at his house, so I felt bad and decided to send him a card. A “Get Well Soon” card.
Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape I'm always running out of ideas.
Little Johnny was running behind for his weekly trip to the prostitute
When he got there, she said
"Eh Jack! You late!"
A knight is called to war by his liege
Before he leaves he puts a chastity belt on his wife, locks it and trusts his stewart with the key.
Just as he was about to leave the stewart comes running towards him
"Sir, you left me the wrong key!"
A new study shows 25% of anti-vaxers are currently on medication for mental illness which is quite scary. Because that means 75% are running around untreated.
Worst thing about this Californian drought... ...the the state has lost its favorite, longest-running Rivers
I have decided to run a marathon and have taken up vaping instead of smoking You could say I am running on fumes.
Imagine Usian bolt running for president He’d definitely win.
A man meets a stalker in the streets.
Man - What are you into?
Stalker - I stalk people.
Man - Really? Well, I like-
Stalker - Nature and running, I know.
so my friend went to the pet store
he went up to the lady running the cash register and bought 5 bumble bee's.
the cashier proceeds to hand him 6 bee's
he then said "but i only paid for 5"
she then said "the 6th ones a freebie"
Once a nuclear bomb was dropped on Ethiopia. 1 million people died from the explosion, 2 million died running towards the mushroom.
What did Gandhi's coach yell while Gandhi was running in the 100 meter dash? Faster, faster!
Fo the past three weeks, I've been running 5 miles a day. Now I don't know where I am.
Why couldn't the refrigerator give a marathon runner some cold water? It had stopped running.
I was runner-up in a 10K race benefiting by my local Catholic church. Sister Mary ended up placing first. We spoke after the race and she really complimented my running skills. Such a kind and humble lady. She said my ability was second to nun.
Usian bolt sees his friend while running to work
His friend: Hi dude want me to drop you to where you are going?
Usian Bolt: Sorry dude Im in a hurry
(Not my original joke)
I'm getting tired of long time running jokes in Hollywood. Like casting Chevy Chase
How do you get 20 million followers? By running in Africa with a glass of water.
As a boy, I managed to escape Neverland Ranch with my virginity intact...by running into a nearby Catholic church. Out of the flying Pan, into the friar.
Why'd it take Joe Biden so long to announce that he was running for US President in 2020? He was Biden his time.
I went to a friend's house for the first time only to find that his living room was full of live electrical wires and running water... I was shocked.
A guy was walking out of a bar A guy runs 40 miles in a day just for fun. When questioned he says, “it’s a running joke”
Once there was a man who walked untill he got very tired and bored, So he started running.
How do you tell the difference between an isis camp and a school? Please hurry, time is something I’m running out off
What exercise does a nose do when it ‘catches’a cold? It starts RUNNING
Why would Usain Bolt win any presidential election? Because he’s running for president.
I’ve invented a machine that sprays ketchup over large groups of people but I need financial investment to get the business up and running. I will be crowd saucing.
*Ring* *Ring* *Ring* Is your refrigerator running? Please give me upvotes
People in San Francisco started running away from the water as someone started shouting, SHARK! THERES A SHARK!! Little do they know, its just Klay Thompson doing backstroke..
Why are midgets so bad at running marathons? Because they’re short of breath.
A leading sexologist was once asked if it was possible to rape someone while running " No, a woman with her skirt up can run faster than a man with his pants down" .
My poor neighbor.. was running with an eretion against the wall ... and broke his nose.
Why do gastroenterologists suggest their patients with constipation eat mousseline? It keeps the trains running on time.
Hey baby, is your refrigerator running? Because if not, I may be schizophrenic 😞
Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, and Adolf Hitler are all running a race, who wins? Hitler, cause he’s the racist
Networking is a bit like digestion, network running slow... Add fiber
A Spanish guy went to a concert in America. He was arrested for running onto the stage in the middle of a song. He told the police that he thought they wanted him up there because the drummer had shouted his name and then "Two, Three!" before a song.
An older pastor gives an unusually long sermon. After the three hour service, he’s asked why. “I was running very late today and accidentally put my wife’s dentures in and couldn’t stop talking.”
Why did the blind kid who pretended to be Superman keep running into walls? He had no supervision.
Season 3 of stranger things is going to be kids running aways from... Kevin Spacy
The local cemetery is running out of room. It's a grave problem.
What's a Mexicans favorite type of running? Cross country
What's the difference between a woman running down stairs and a sewing machine? A sewing machine has only one bobbin.
Donald Trump is writing a children's book about running for President He's going to title it, "Marco's Little Adventure"
Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama are running for president in 2020
It's black and white
Hillary was running as Democrat and her campaign really blue over.
What is the worst about having alzheimer's and dierrhea? You're running but don't know where to.
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are running for Presidency. Who will win? Certainly not the people.
Chris Christie stopped running... Go figure
People want to know if the Vice President will be running in 2016 He might, but for now he's just Biden his time.
DAEEM GURRL . . . you must be suicidal thoughts, cause you've been running through my mind all day. - Jim Hamilton