2013: Didn't jog - 2014: Didn't jog - 2015: Didn't jog - 2016: Didn't jog - 2017: Didn’t jog - 2018: Didn’t jog - 2019: Still haven’t jogged This is a running joke
Is your refrigerator running? Because I might vote for it.
Is your refrigerator running? Because I'd vote for it.
"It's a boy", David shouted, "It's a BOY!" With tears rolling down his eyes, David came running out of the room. And never visited Bangkok again.
I'm not racist but..
I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine"
Then I realized mine is at home, polishing my shoes
How does Harry Potter get down a hill? By running.
Is it okay to hate a certain race? I usually run the 5K, but someone from my running group wants to do the 10K, which I don't want because a lot of caucasians participate in that one.
What's more dangerous than running with the scissors? Scissoring with the runs
So what are you in to ?
\- I stalk people.
\- Oh really ? Well, I like nature and running.
\- I know.
Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate? To lay off his campaign staff.
As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine. Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.
At the gym I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.
That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle.
"I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur.
"I love him more than you," I replied.
She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."
I said, "You misunderstood me."
Is your refrigerator running? Because if so I'll probably vote for it.
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House...
Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".
Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".
I'm not racist but
I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".
But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoes.
My grandad is a real inspiration to get healthy, he starting running a mile a day when he was 65.... Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is
Is it wrong to hate an entire race? I just think marathons are *way* too much running
A bike in town keeps running me over It’s a vicious cycle
I hate political jokes And it disgusts me that two are running for president.
Four more years is a great thing to shout at a president running for reelection... But not so good to shout at a 14 year old girl.
Whats worse than running with scissors? Scissoring with the runs.
Girl, are you Norton Antivirus? Because when you're running, I can't seem to do anything but watch.
I was viewing a house being sold by a native american
i asked him if it came with running water,
He said 'no, get your own wife'
When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic". So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"
How did the Pharoah get so rich? He was running a huge pyramid scheme
Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I don't mind running a 5k, but my friends want to run in a 10k and I don't like 10ks
A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood.
When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"
The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"
This is a frightening statistic
25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness!
It means 75% are running around untreated!
What's the worst part of running into your ex? You have to get out and check to see how bad your car is damaged.
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? She kept running away from the ball!
If a Republican candidate who is hated by the GOP establishment and loathed by half the country just won the election... ...maybe Hillary should consider running as a Republican!
I treat every day like I'm running a marathon tomorrow... I rest, load up on carbs and don't work out.
What's faster than a black guy running with a stolen T.V.? His brother with the DVR
My friend has no running water at his house, so I felt bad and decided to send him a card. A “Get Well Soon” card.
Why did the astronaut refuse to return home to see his girlfriend?
He needed more space.
(In case you're running low on dad jokes!)
Why didn't Cinderella makes the Soccer Team? She kept running away from the ball
What do you call a chinese dog that is running? Fast food.
so my friend went to the pet store
he went up to the lady running the cash register and bought 5 bumble bee's.
the cashier proceeds to hand him 6 bee's
he then said "but i only paid for 5"
she then said "the 6th ones a freebie"
How do you call a yogurt that you eat while running? Joggurt.
Once a nuclear bomb was dropped on Ethiopia. 1 million people died from the explosion, 2 million died running towards the mushroom.
Every day for the past few months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t. It’s my longest running joke of the year.
What did Gandhi's coach yell while Gandhi was running in the 100 meter dash? Faster, faster!
Fo the past three weeks, I've been running 5 miles a day. Now I don't know where I am.
Why couldn't the refrigerator give a marathon runner some cold water? It had stopped running.
I’m thinking of running as the Prime Minister of Canada Does anyone have any shoe polish I can borrow for Halloween?
Usian bolt sees his friend while running to work
His friend: Hi dude want me to drop you to where you are going?
Usian Bolt: Sorry dude Im in a hurry
(Not my original joke)
I'm getting tired of long time running jokes in Hollywood. Like casting Chevy Chase
How do you get 20 million followers? By running in Africa with a glass of water.
I went to a friend's house for the first time only to find that his living room was full of live electrical wires and running water... I was shocked.
A guy was walking out of a bar A guy runs 40 miles in a day just for fun. When questioned he says, “it’s a running joke”
Once there was a man who walked untill he got very tired and bored, So he started running.
How do you tell the difference between an isis camp and a school? Please hurry, time is something I’m running out off
What exercise does a nose do when it ‘catches’a cold? It starts RUNNING
Why would Usain Bolt win any presidential election? Because he’s running for president.
I’ve invented a machine that sprays ketchup over large groups of people but I need financial investment to get the business up and running. I will be crowd saucing.
A knight is called to war by his liege
Before he leaves he puts a chastity belt on his wife, locks it and trusts his stewart with the key.
Just as he was about to leave the stewart comes running towards him
"Sir, you left me the wrong key!"
Why are midgets so bad at running marathons? Because they’re short of breath.
Why do gastroenterologists suggest their patients with constipation eat mousseline? It keeps the trains running on time.
Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, and Adolf Hitler are all running a race, who wins? Hitler, cause he’s the racist
A Spanish guy went to a concert in America. He was arrested for running onto the stage in the middle of a song. He told the police that he thought they wanted him up there because the drummer had shouted his name and then "Two, Three!" before a song.
An older pastor gives an unusually long sermon. After the three hour service, he’s asked why. “I was running very late today and accidentally put my wife’s dentures in and couldn’t stop talking.”
I saw a burger running in the street today. It's fast food.
Why did the blind kid who pretended to be Superman keep running into walls? He had no supervision.
What did the pediatric proctologist say when he was late for his next appointment? Sorry, I'm running a little behind.
I was at the supermarket today and saw a man running out of the door, a bag full of cheese, being chased by security guards. How dairy.
Season 3 of stranger things is going to be kids running aways from... Kevin Spacy
Kid Rock announced he won't be running for the Republican Michigan Senate nomination . This come as a great relief to Democratic challenger Kid Scissors.
Did you hear about the translator who was running the marathon? He was Russian to Finnish
Bad news for people planning on boycotting tonight's NFL game. The Tiki Torch company is running an ad promoting their new product line.
The local cemetery is running out of room. It's a grave problem.
A man is waiting next to an Arab at a bus stop
The bus seems to be running late, so the man asked the Arab what time it is.
The Arab checks his watch, waits a minute, and says: "9:12."
Buzzfeed is running out of employees.
Employer: Give me 10 reasons why we should hire you.
Interviewed: Here's 10 reasons why you should hire me; #6 Will surprise you!
peter's friends were worried he'd get hurt because he never even exercised befor the marathon he was running it was okay, though, he worked out in the long run.
Did you hear about the doctor that didn't like waiting and was also the coach of the Kenyan running team? His patients was running thin.
What's the difference between a woman running down stairs and a sewing machine? A sewing machine has only one bobbin.
Decided to complete my next few marathons dressed in bondage gear It'll be a running gag
So Magic Johnson is now the President of Basketball Operations for the Lakers... And apparently it was out of line for me to ask if he is running it on his own or if he has aids.
I'm surprised Trump ran as a Republican I thought he was running as a joke
Donald Trump is writing a children's book about running for President He's going to title it, "Marco's Little Adventure"
Hillary was running as Democrat and her campaign really blue over.
What is the worst about having alzheimer's and dierrhea? You're running but don't know where to.
A man was arrested yesterday for trying to kill his wife's lover by running 30000 volts of electricity in a heavily saline solution while the victim was taking a bath. He was charged with assault and battery.
Why isn't the Vice President running for President this year? Cuz he's Biden his time.
You never have to worry about Starbucks running short on coffee. I hear they always have a latte
Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are running for Presidency. Who will win? Certainly not the people.
I found out about Forrest Gump while looking into Fitbits. He was the best of all the running aids.
People want to know if the Vice President will be running in 2016 He might, but for now he's just Biden his time.
Prankcalling the NSA like is my refrigerator running?
I have decided to run a marathon and have taken up vaping instead of smoking You could say I am running on fumes.
Four girlscout cookie boxes down in a day and I realized I have a problem ... I'm running out of cookies.
what do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down?
A mud slide.
What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?