Running Jokes


Funniest Running Jokes

Funny Running Jokes
Score: 11732

2013: Didn't jog - 2014: Didn't jog - 2015: Didn't jog - 2016: Didn't jog - 2017: Didn’t jog - 2018: Didn’t jog - 2019: Still haven’t jogged This is a running joke

Score: 6917

Is your refrigerator running? Because I might vote for it.

Score: 2604

Is your refrigerator running? Because I'd vote for it.

Score: 1963

"It's a boy", David shouted, "It's a BOY!" With tears rolling down his eyes, David came running out of the room. And never visited Bangkok again.

Score: 1757

I'm not racist but.. I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine"

Then I realized mine is at home, polishing my shoes

Score: 1461

How does Harry Potter get down a hill? By running. J.K!


Score: 1365

Is it okay to hate a certain race? I usually run the 5K, but someone from my running group wants to do the 10K, which I don't want because a lot of caucasians participate in that one.

Score: 1294

What's more dangerous than running with the scissors? Scissoring with the runs

Score: 807

So what are you in to ? \- I stalk people.

\- Oh really ? Well, I like nature and running.

\- I know.

Score: 624

Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate? To lay off his campaign staff.

Score: 576

As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine. Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.

Score: 571

At the gym I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.

Score: 520

That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Score: 490

My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle. "I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur.

"I love him more than you," I replied.

She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."

I said, "You misunderstood me."

Score: 435

Is your refrigerator running? Because if so I'll probably vote for it.

Score: 426

Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House... Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".

Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".

Score: 425

I'm not racist but I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".

But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoes.

Score: 422

My grandad is a real inspiration to get healthy, he starting running a mile a day when he was 65.... Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is

Score: 411

Is it wrong to hate an entire race? I just think marathons are *way* too much running

Score: 387

A bike in town keeps running me over It’s a vicious cycle

Score: 295

I hate political jokes And it disgusts me that two are running for president.

Score: 263

Four more years is a great thing to shout at a president running for reelection... But not so good to shout at a 14 year old girl.

Score: 247

Whats worse than running with scissors? Scissoring with the runs.

Score: 246

Girl, are you Norton Antivirus? Because when you're running, I can't seem to do anything but watch.

Score: 238

I was viewing a house being sold by a native american i asked him if it came with running water,

He said 'no, get your own wife'

Score: 236

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic". So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

Score: 232

How did the Pharoah get so rich? He was running a huge pyramid scheme

Score: 229

Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I don't mind running a 5k, but my friends want to run in a 10k and I don't like 10ks

Score: 221

A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood. When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"

The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"

Score: 218

If you want girls to be running after you Become a Bus Driver.

Score: 212

A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse. That's the last time we're going to Disney.

Score: 167

After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the table... I needed a running start, but I did it!

Score: 100

I treat every day like I am running a marathon tomorrow... I load up on carbs and don't run.

Score: 94

A black guy with a parrot walks into a bar. The bartender says, "wow! That is beautiful! Where did you get it?" The parrot responded, saying, "there are millions of them running around in Africa."

Score: 91

I saw a black man running.. I was walking down the street one evening and I saw a black man running holding a television. I thought to my self "i wonder if that's mine", so I hurried back home and lo and behold it was still there, shining my shoes.

Score: 69

A tomato; a tap and a hat were having a race... the tap was running but the hat was on ahead while the tomato couldn't ketchup.

Score: 62

My electricity bill was running suspiciously high Had the power company send someone over. He found a wire tapped into my house running to a neighbor's. Watt do you know, a Joule thief lives next to my Ohm.

Score: 56

I saw a black man running down the street with a TV I was worried it was mine so I drove home as fast as I could, when I got home I was relieved to find mine was still there...brushing the front porch.

Score: 49

I treat every day like I am running a marathon tomorrow... I don't run and I load up on carbs.

Score: 47

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New Running Jokes

My friend has no running water at his house, so I felt bad and decided to send him a card. A “Get Well Soon” card.

Score: 21

A new study shows 25% of anti-vaxers are currently on medication for mental illness which is quite scary. Because that means 75% are running around untreated.

Score: 8

A knight is called to war by his liege Before he leaves he puts a chastity belt on his wife, locks it and trusts his stewart with the key.

Just as he was about to leave the stewart comes running towards him

"Sir, you left me the wrong key!"

Score: 8

I treat every day like I'm running a marathon tomorrow... I rest, load up on carbs and don't work out.

Score: 24

Hey baby, is your refrigerator running? Because if not, I may be schizophrenic 😞

Score: 5

Little Johnny was running behind for his weekly trip to the prostitute When he got there, she said

"Eh Jack! You late!"

Score: 10

Being a writer keeps me in great physical shape I'm always running out of ideas.

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76% of horses prefer running to walking ... According to a recent gallop poll.

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Kid Rock announced he won't be running for the Republican Michigan Senate nomination . This come as a great relief to Democratic challenger Kid Scissors.

Score: 10

OJ got out of jail recently and it sickens me. But I can't even imagine how he feels... The man that killed his wife is running free

Score: 5

A message from my late father... "Caught in traffic. Running behind."

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I don't understand why people are so mad about football players taking a knee Its a solid strategy for running out the clock in the 4th quarter.

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Guy running the ski-lift said it would be $50 to get to the top of the mountain... I said "that's a bit steep."

He said "exactly."

Score: 13

Apple is running out of ideas They're looking for other Jobs.

Score: 11

Don't feel bad about pressing the close door button when you see someone running for the elevator. If they have that much energy, they should take the stairs.

Score: 23

I saw some leeches on a running elk. They were hanging on for deer life.

Score: 10

I just found out that the sperm bank pays All these years, money has been running through my fingers

Score: 22

An old lady was smoking and pumping gas... Next thing I know, she's running around the parking lot, screaming, with her arm on fire. The cops showed up and arrested her for waving a firearm in public.

Score: 4

I saw this black guy running with a new television. I called police because it looked like mine. The police checked and It was OK. Mine was still home doing yard work.

Score: 12

Two robbers were running away from the crime scene when a bus gets sandwiched between them. The one in front got tired, and the one behind got exhausted.

Score: 9

Why do gazelles always lose races? Cause they're running against cheetahs

Score: 6

I Know It's Bad Politics but... I've secretly been running a smear campaign on all the toilets at work.

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Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? Because they kept running around screaming, "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

Score: 20

Abebe Bikila famously won the 1960 Olympic marathon while running barefoot. Do you think his opponents tasted defeet?

Score: 4

It's allergy season. If my nose keeps running, I'm going to have to buy it new shoes.

Score: 7

Imagine you're running away from a pack of hungry tigers. What do you do? Stop imagining.

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If we can get Al Franken to run for President, with the Green Party candidate as his running mate, my bumper sticker would be... Franken Stein 2020

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Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, Mom, can little girls have babies?” “No, of course not” she said. Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”

Score: 21

What do you throw to a drowning politician? Their running mate.

Score: 5

I had a Muslim friend in college who was always running late. We called him 9/12.

Score: 32

What do you call a group of impotent men running the 50m dash? The olimpdicks

Score: 6

Woah, is Aquaman running after your gardener? No, he's Jason Mamoa

Score: 9

What is 4 inches long and expands when there's a women in a running shower? A sponge

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What do you call Batman running out of a church? Christian Bale

Score: 41

Know whats worse than running with scissors? Scissoring with the runs.

Score: 20

What do you call a group of jeans running a marathon? ParticiPANTS!

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What's the definition of embarrassment? Running into a brick wall with an erection and breaking your nose.

Score: 16

What is more dangerous than running with scissors? Scissoring with the runs

Score: 14

A guy walks into a car. Okay, so he wasn't so much walking as he was running at about 45 mph directly into my car. He was drinking heavily and was on his phone. It was totally his fault officer.

Score: 4

How did Harry Potter get down the hill? - Running Jk, Rolling.

Score: 8

Running with scissors is a bad idea. Then again, so is scissoring with the runs.

Score: 22

(warning machinist humor). Did you hear about the guy that applied for a job running a lathe? They turned him down.

Score: 7

They say the person who left the car running in the closed garage committed suicide, but.... I'd say the cause of death was exhaustion

Score: 5

What kind of joke do wheelchair users never make ? A running gag

Score: 7

What do you call Batman running out of church? Christian Bale

Score: 6

I saw a black man... I saw a black man in Nikes running down the street carrying a 55" TV and I thought to myself, "Is that mine?"

Then I remembered that mine wears Reebok.

Score: 4

A Mexican man has been running away from the cops for 3 days... The authorities stated that he is a Juan-ted man

Score: 5

I'm surprised Trump ran as a Republican I thought he was running as a joke

Score: 5

Just goes to show, you're never to old to try new things. My nan starting running when she was 65, she's 71 now and we've no idea where she is.

Score: 39

We changed our dog's name to Dad. Because he kept running away

Score: 5

Did you hear Han Solo will be running next years London Marathon? He says he reckons he'll be able to finish in less than 26 miles

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Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team? Because everyone who is good at running, jumping, and swimming have already made it into the U.S.

Score: 38

If a Republican candidate who is hated by the GOP establishment and loathed by half the country just won the election... ...maybe Hillary should consider running as a Republican!

Score: 27

My buddies and I were running a train on this German girl I had to keep telling her there were only 8 of us.

Score: 14

In the motorcycle safety course they tell you that target fixation is bad, where your eyes are looking is where you usually end up. Must be why I keep running over female joggers.

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25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. Which is really scary because that means that 75% are running around untreated.

Score: 29

Did you hear that Tom Brady is running for president? His platform is lowering inflation.

Score: 26

Did you guys hear about that Egyptian con-artist? Turns out he was running a pyramid scheme all along.

Score: 16

I have decided to run a marathon and have taken up vaping instead of smoking You could say I am running on fumes.

Score: 7

Worst thing about this Californian drought... ...the the state has lost its favorite, longest-running Rivers

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