Running Jokes


Funniest Running Jokes

Funny Running Jokes
Score: 11732

2013: Didn't jog - 2014: Didn't jog - 2015: Didn't jog - 2016: Didn't jog - 2017: Didn’t jog - 2018: Didn’t jog - 2019: Still haven’t jogged This is a running joke

Score: 6917

"It's a boy", David shouted, "It's a BOY!" With tears rolling down his eyes, David came running out of the room. And never visited Bangkok again.

Score: 1757

I'm not racist but.. I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine"

Then I realized mine is at home, polishing my shoes

Score: 1461

Is it okay to hate a certain race? I usually run the 5K, but someone from my running group wants to do the 10K, which I don't want because a lot of caucasians participate in that one.

Score: 1294

It was 11 years ago today that my pal Joey came running out of that room shouting “it’s a boy” “it’s a boy” with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand.

Score: 1051

What kind of running means walking? Running out of gas!

Score: 997

What's more dangerous than running with the scissors? Scissoring with the runs

Score: 807

Eight year old tells funniest joke My eight year old cousin told me this one:

Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?

Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach

EDIT: god damn you autocorrect! always running my jokes!

Score: 728

It was eleven years ago today my best mate James came running out of the room shouting "It's a boy!" with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand.

Score: 719

Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate? To lay off his campaign staff.

Score: 576

As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine. Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.

Score: 571

At the gym I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.

Score: 520

That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Score: 490

My girlfriend's dog came running up to us for a cuddle. "I love you Freddy," she said, stroking his fur.

"I love him more than you," I replied.

She said, "I don't think so, I definitely love him most."

I said, "You misunderstood me."

Score: 435

Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House... Obama and Trump are running laps around the White House, after three laps Trump excitedly yells "10 minutes exactly, well that has to be a new record!".

Obama says "I don't think so, Bush did 9:11".

Score: 425

I'm not racist but I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".

But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoes.

Score: 422

My grandad is a real inspiration to get healthy, he starting running a mile a day when he was 65.... Now he is 70, we have no idea where he is

Score: 411

Is it wrong to hate an entire race? I just think marathons are *way* too much running

Score: 387

A bike in town keeps running me over It’s a vicious cycle

Score: 295

I hate political jokes And it disgusts me that two are running for president.

Score: 263

Four more years is a great thing to shout at a president running for reelection... But not so good to shout at a 14 year old girl.

Score: 247

Whats worse than running with scissors? Scissoring with the runs.

Score: 246

I was viewing a house being sold by a native american i asked him if it came with running water,

He said 'no, get your own wife'

Score: 236

You know what is brave? Running against a wall completely naked with a boner. You know what is embarrassing? Breaking your nose doing it.

Score: 233

When I become a superhero, I'm going to call myself "Ironic". So when there's trouble & I'm running away, people will be like "Isn't that ironic?!"

Score: 232

How did the Pharoah get so rich? He was running a huge pyramid scheme

Score: 229

Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I don't mind running a 5k, but my friends want to run in a 10k and I don't like 10ks

Score: 221

A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood. When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"

The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"

Score: 218

Two clowns are running for public office... It's funny for me though because I live in Canada.

Score: 216

Whats the difference between running in front of a car and running after a car? When you run after the car, you get exhausted. If you run in front of it, you'll get tired.

Score: 215

If you want girls to be running after you Become a Bus Driver.

Score: 212

A bit rapey. The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did too, she began running so I ran too, she screamed so I screamed as well. I never even saw what we were running from.

Score: 205

Yo mama so fat... ...she had an heart attack while running an app.

Score: 189

Why is Jeb! Bush still running for president? Because the Bush family thinks that no child should be left behind.

Score: 176

A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse. That's the last time we're going to Disney.

Score: 167

Everyday I tell the wife I’m gonna do a few miles around the neighborhood for exercise. And I never do lol. It’s a running joke I have

Score: 163

I was buying a house from a Native American the other day I asked him if it came with running water,

He said 'get your own damn wife'

Score: 157

Whats more dangerous than running with scissors? Scissoring with the runs.

Score: 150

Which is better exercise, chasing a car or running away from one? Chasing a car. After running from a car you'll just be tired, but after chasing one you'll be exhausted.

Score: 145

I bought a fitbit... I haven't went running yet, but I jerked off for six miles today.

Score: 145

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New Running Jokes

What did Bernie Sanders running for president and me arguing with my wife have in common? We never stood a chance but we just wanted to get our ideas out there.

Score: 12

What's the deal with racism? You're not running a race.

Score: 6

I love running my fingers through my wife’s hair. It’s a nice way to remind her that I love her, and also that we’re out of napkins.

Score: 31

Did you hear there is a coin shortage in America? We're running out of common cents

Score: 115

What do you call a psychic midget running from the police? A small medium at large.

Score: 19

My girlfriend always tries to give me a bj when I’m on the treadmill It’s our running gag

Score: 15

If every time I need to throw up I sprint to the toilet... what point does it become a running gag?

Score: 7

So apparently Kanye West is running for president My question is, will he let the other candidates finish their speeches?

Score: 3

Now that he’s running for president, did you hear about Kanye’s party? It’s definitely not in LA

Score: 3

I'm not racist I don't even like running

Score: 3

I work at a factory that makes plastic Dracula figures... However, there's only two of us running the factory line, so I have to make every second count.

Score: 7

I just saw two blind people fighting I yelled “he got a knife” and they both started running

Score: 26

Jogging 2014 Didn’t jog

2015 Didn’t jog

2016 Didn’t jog

2017 Didn’t jog

2018 Didn’t jog

2019 Didn’t jog

2020 Still not jogging

This is a running joke.

Score: 98

What do you call two thousand rabbits running in reverse? A receding hare line.

Score: 5

What do you call a running (not walking) dead? A zoombie

Score: 5

the motor in my watch stopped running I'm down a quartz

Score: 3

Disappointment Running into a wall with a boner, and breaking your nose first.

Score: 3

My running coach told me to increase the volume of my runs So I unplugged the headphones and played my music from the speakers instead.

Score: 3

I think after the pandemic ends I'm still gonna wear masks when I exercise. It's a bit of a running gag.

Score: 37

Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Score: 5

2013: Didn’t jog - 2014: Didn’t jog - 2015: Didn’t jog - 2016: Didn’t jog - 2017: Didn’t jog - 2018: Didn’t jog - 2019: Didn’t jog - 2020: Still haven’t jogged This is a running joke.

Score: 55

What kind of running means walking? Diarrhea

Score: 3

Why do midgets laugh when running across the lawn? The grass tickles their balls.

Score: 34

The NYPD is reporting that Antifa has painted convincing-looking tunnels on walls to trick New York's Finest into running into them at high speed They're calling it "operation meep-meep"

Score: 8

One to find out if you are old is to fall down in front of lot of people. If they laugh, you are still young. If they panic and start running to you, you're old.

Score: 6

so my friend went to the pet store he went up to the lady running the cash register and bought 5 bumble bee's.

the cashier proceeds to hand him 6 bee's

he then said "but i only paid for 5"

she then said "the 6th ones a freebie"

Score: 5

What did the cook say to the bomb defuse technician? We are running out of Thyme.

Score: 4

What is a man's Ultimate embarrassment? Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

Score: 44

I'm forever trying to recapture my youth. I need better handcuffs as she keeps running away!

Score: 3

What is the difference between an American health care worker running out of PPE, and a Russian healthcare worker running out of PPE? At least the American doesn't need a parachute too!

Score: 4

How far does a dog run into the woods? Half way in. The other half he's running out.

Score: 6

They’re running out of face masks in China No big supplies there.

Score: 84

Once a nuclear bomb was dropped on Ethiopia. 1 million people died from the explosion, 2 million died running towards the mushroom.

Score: 6

My nose is like all the boys I make eye contact with- It started running and won’t stop.

Score: 3

Every day for the past few months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t. It’s my longest running joke of the year.

Score: 4

It was 11 years ago that my pal James came running out the room shouting "it's a boy, it's a boy"with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand

Score: 128

And the winner of this year’s national nepotism award goes to... My son, for the third year running

Score: 6

Kid at my school, running for class president: "Hello, everyone please stand up."

*we stand up*

"Okay, you can sit down again now."

*we sit down*

"That was to show that i have power over you. Vote for me."

Score: 11

Joe Biden is running for President. Biden: Joe who?

Score: 3

I'm running a low fever and have a slight, dry cough. But don't worry It's just Corona Lite.

Score: 8

What’s the difference between a speed bump and Ice Age Baby? You slow down before running over the speed bump.

Score: 4

My iPod stopped running It cannot even walkman

Score: 4

Everyday at breakfast, I announce that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't. It was my longest running joke of the year.

Score: 15

Three years ago my brother came running down the stairs yelling “It’s a boy, it’s a boy!” That’s the last time we visited Thailand

Score: 34

Definition of Disappointment..... Running into a wall with a hard-on.... and breaking your nose.

Score: 8

What's the hardest thing about running 5k a day? Keeping it to yourself.

Score: 4

What do you call a marathon of people named Aaron? Running Errands

Score: 4

I just saw 10 ants frantically running around in my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a little house. Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants

Score: 3

I just saw 10 ants running around my kitchen, I felt bad so I made a little house for them Now I'm getting rent from my tenants

Score: 14

There are so many things I like about horses, but my favorite is all that hair running down their neck. That’s the mane thing.

Score: 5

My neighbor leave his sprinkler running constantly sometimes days at a time.. It's really irrigating.

Score: 6

Mommy Mommy I keep running around in circles Shut up before I nail your other foot to the floor

Score: 9

Did you hear about the little boy that was late for school because he had diarrhea? He was running a little behind.

Score: 6

The peanuts are running around the yard playing tag... The peanut that is It keeps yelling, “I’m gonna cashew!”

Score: 6

We’re always making fun of our friend who threw up during a marathon it‘s a running gag.

Score: 6

What does a school and a Running track have Alike? If you hear a gunshot, it's time to run.

Score: 14

My grandfather turned 65 and started running a mile a day to stay fit. He’s 70 now and we still have no idea where he is.

Score: 6

It was 11 years ago today my pal James came running It was 11 years ago today that my pal James came running out of the room shouting, "it's a boy, it's a boy" with tears streaming down his face. We never went back to Thailand!

Score: 9

Me and a homeschooler got into an argument about the education system. He went on a rant about how education in America is broken and asked me, "who's running the education system?"

"Your mom," I replied.

Score: 4

I was playing a flight sim yesterday and suddenly my game started running really slowly, which was very annoying I hate jet lag.

Score: 5

A lot of people in America are obese. However, many people from Harvey Weinstein's circle are in decent shape. Because they spent so long running from the truth.

Score: 15

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