I was at an atm and some little kid asked me to help him check his balance ... So I pushed him over
2 kids arguing. 2 little kids were arguing over who's dad has a better job. First kid says,"My dads a doctor." Second kis say,"Yeah well my dad's lawyer." Astonished the first kid says," Honest?" The second kid replied "No, the usual kind."
When I was a little kid, I had this friend that was always counting. I wonder what he's up to these days.
I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it
The lifeguard started yelling, telling me to stop.
"But all the little kids do it too!" I yelled back.
"But not while standing on the diving board!"
What's the difference between Harambe and Michael Jackson? Harambe got punished for touching little kids.
Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
IN HIS SLEEVIES!
Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.
When I was a little kid, my dad would swear then say "Excuse my French" One day the teacher asked if anyone could speak a foreign language and I raised my hand
A FedEx guy knocks on the door....
A FedEx guy knocks on the door. A little kid answers, naked except underpants, smoking a joint & holding half a bottle of Scotch.
FedEx guy says "Kid, is your mother home?"
The kid says "What do *you* think?"
I saw 4 people beating up a little kid so I decided to help He didn't stand a chance against 5 of us
I bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive with the stereo on full blast, watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces..
Saw a little kid getting bashed by 2 men on the street, so I stopped to help. He didn't stand a chance against the 3 of us
Yesterday I saw a little kid who kept refusing to go home for a nap. He was resisting a rest.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a Xbox? They're both made of plastic, and little kids turn them on.
Old joke (1930s) - Little kid comes in late to school. Teacher says, "Why ya late?"...
Kid says, "Had a take a heifer down—get 'er bred."
Teacher says, "Couldn't your father do it?"
Kid says, "Sure he could, but not as good as the bull."
I saw 4 gang members beating up a little kid So I decided to step in, there's no chance he can take all 5 of us.
When I was a little kid, I would wait up all night waiting for santa to come. Then there was an awkward silence when he got up, put his pants on, and left.
This little kid at the shops an hour ago: Why was Tigger in the bathroom for so long?
He had Pooh inside him..
I laughed which made the little fellas day.
Little kid ask His dad: daddy what is MACHO?
its a person who is in charge, makes desicions, gives orders and everyone around obeys those orders.
When I grow up I want to be a real macho just like Mom.
Heard this joke from a little kid. Why was the broken phonograph in the Hall of Fame? Because it broke all the records.
A guy and a little kid are walking into the woods...
Kid say to the guy "but I'm scared of the dark"
Guy says "you think your scared I'm the one that has to walk out of here alone"
How are ps4s and Micheal Jackson similar? They're both plastic and get turned on by little kids.
I was walking down the street the other day and I saw 4 guys ganging up on a little kid I walked right on past because I figured reposting would be a bigger crime than helping beat the kid up.
A little kid was watching Donald Trump talk about England. "Mommy, why is it called a kingdom?"
"Because, honey, it's ruled by a *king*!"
"Then why is the U.S. called a country?"
All of us had a good time with those Harambe memes Now the joke is dead because all of you little kids jumped into it.
A Catholic Priest and a little kid walk into a store
Both go home crying
Both lost something
The priest lost his wallet
The kid lost his innocence.....
......because he stole the priests wallet
A little kid goes up to his dad and asks: "Dad, what's a clitoris?" The dad, quite surprised, answers: "Well listen son, a clitoris is a... uh - hmmm... Dang it! I forgot but I swear it was right on the tip of my tongue!"
The doorbell rang and there was a little kid dressed as Gloria Gaynor. At first I was afraid... Then I was petrified!
This little kid bragging about sleeping in a race car bed. STFU you little idiot, I don't even have a car.
What happens when the world’s powerful diddle little kids? Jeffery Epstein commits suicide in jail so loose ends can be cut.
A little kid asks his friend: what did your parents give you on Christmas?
He says: I've got a bicycle, a lot of Legos, an iphone, an ipad, and a trip to DisneyWorld.
The first kid says: You're so lucky, I wish I had cancer too.
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong walked on the moon...
while Michael Jackson touched little kids
My friend drank a tin of wood varnish
In the beginning the death throes were terrible, but a lovely finish.
(This joke was invented and told to me by my uncle Raymond when I was a little kid)
a little kid at school opens a violin case...
A little kid at school opens a violin case and there is a big gun inside. The little kid says:
"I'm curious what is my father going to do in the bank with my violin..."
When I was a little kid, I used to look up to my father. What am I supposed to do? Look down? He was a meter taller than me!
Beware: This was a Joke I made when I was a Little Kid
Why can't you build an acidic tower?
It would have no base.
A little kid told me this joke one time and I thought it was genius.
“Why was the clown sad?”
“Cause he got shot in the face...”
Little kid: I don’t believe in God
Youth pastor: [tussling his hair] well he believes in YOU champ
Little kid: yeah cuz I’m real, fuckface
Nobody believes me when I tell them I had a splinter when touring Spain and a playful little kid helped get rid of it. Nobody expects the Spanish imp incision.
Little kids at the airport act like they’re going to the dentist I don’t get what they’re so afraid of. No ones going to dig at your cavities at the airport, unless you look like a threat.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jared Fogel?
One like little kids on his ranch,
The other likes ranch on his little kids! ?
I knew it would be rough raising little kids in Chicago when I already was 50 years old But they beat me up every morning.
I'm free! I'm free! A prisoner is finally released, after many years in jail. He stands at the pavement, yelling, "I'm free! I'm free!" - A little kid walks up to him happily and joins, “I’m four! I’m four!"
Little kids are like fidget spinners
Oh yeah and they spin easier when you stick something metal through them.
Today I saw 4 guys beating up a little kid, so I decided to help. He had no chance against all 5 of us.
I miss being a little kid on Halloween Unfortunately I got in a little trouble for that last year
Did you ever blow bubbles in the bath when you were a little kid? Because he's back in town and he wants your number.
I saw four guys beat beat up a little kid today, so I decided to help. He had no chance against all five of us.
Male employee at a kindergarten gets yelled at by little kids
"You're not my father!" Says a little boy.
"And that I'm thankful for..." Anwsers the employee
"...Especially after I saw your mother."
Santa's Joke A little kid wrote to Santa, "Dear Santa, this Christmas please send me a cute little sister." Few days later, a letter was sent back to the kid from Santa and it said "Sure. I'll visit your mom tonight. "
What are the similarities between an Xbox and Michael Jackson. They're both made of plastic, and little kids turn them on.
A little kid came up to me and said...
"I have two mommies."
"Really?", I said. "Your parents are lesbians?"
"No, my mom's just a schizophrenic."
As a little kid, my teacher once said "If you can't say something nice, then say nothing at all." So I said, "Okay. Your voice sounds really pretty when you say that steaming bullshit."
Get a brother A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
I could win an Olympic gold medal If the women's gymnastic balance beam was a male competition too, I could win the gold medal. I've been mastering a 4 inch wood beam since I was a little kid
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a Disney movie? Disney movies can still touch little kids.
What's the difference difference between Hitler and a little kid? Hitler didn't get a medal for trying to finish a race.
What's the gateway drug to propofol?
This came up in a work conversation, I didn't know if it was already a joke...