Little Johnny Jokes

Contents

Funniest Little Johnny Jokes

What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity? She grounded him.

Score: 926

Little Johnny The teacher came up to Johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what separates you from a monkey.

Johnny said with confidence "the desk".

Score: 151

I asked little Johnny why he started doing so well in math after we sent him to the Christian school. He said he didn't want to end up like the guy they nailed to the plus sign.

Score: 124

Little Johnny is back In the class the teacher said: "the first person to answer my question will go home early".

Little Johnny threw his bag outside.

Teacher asked: "Whose bag is that???"

Johnny answered: "It's mine....
bye bye!"

Score: 123

Little Johnny's teacher asks "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe!"

Score: 64

Little Johnny's Game Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Score: 46

$200 Little Johnny was in his maths class one day when the teacher said to him "If I gave you $200," the teacher began," and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally, $50 to Susan and $50 to Amy, what would you have?"

"An orgy," Johnny answered.

Score: 42

Little Johnny When I was a boy, I prayed, and prayed, for a bike but never got one. Then I realized that God don't work that way. So I stole a bike, then asked for forgiveness.

Score: 28

Little Johnny: "Grandma, make a sound like a Frog." Grandma: "Why?" Little Johnny: "Cause daddy says we'll make a lot of money when you croak."

Score: 22
Funny Little Johnny Jokes
Score: 22

Little Johnny and His Baby Sister Little Johnny's newborn baby sister just wouldn't stop crying one day.

Annoyed, Little Johnny asked his mom where they had got her from.

"From Heaven," replied his mom.

"Well, I can see why they threw her out!"

Score: 22

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, Mom, can little girls have babies?” “No, of course not” she said. Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”

Score: 21

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it. Little Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'.

Little Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

Score: 20

Little Johnny kills a butterfly His dad says, "No butter for one week!" Little Johnny kills a honeybee. Dad says, "No honey for one week!" Mom kills a cockroach. Little Johnny turns to his dad and says, "shall I break the news to her?"

Score: 20

On the Bus Little Johnny says, "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"Well, you've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on Daddy's lap."

Score: 16

Little Johnny told his parent "I'm a grown up now, I am ready to live by myself" His parent, being very proud of their son, said "Well that's great! We have no reason to stop you"

To which he replied "Awesome! Your luggage is at the front door"

Score: 16

Little Johnny asked one day, "Mommy can little girls give birth?" "No son. Of course not"

"Oh OK... Hey Susie! Its OK to keep playing the game now!"

Score: 16

Little Johnny walked into class with only one shoe. The teacher asks Johnny with a chuckle,
“What happened? Did you lose a shoe?”
Johnny looks up and responds,
“No ma’am, I found one.”

Score: 15

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

Score: 15

Dad Jokes anyone! Little Johnny: Will you marry me?

Susie: You have to ask my father first.

Little Johnny: (later) Well, I asked him.

Susie: And what did he say?

Little Johnny: He said he’s already married.

Score: 14

Little Johnny is in the backyard digging a big hole His mom says "Why are you digging that hole?"

"It's for my dead goldfish"

"But why is the hole so big?"

"He's inside your goddamn cat!"

Score: 13

Little Johnny yells upstairs: "Dad, there's a salesman here with a moustache." "Tell him I've got one."

Score: 12

Little johnny is asked to use the word contagious in a sentence. My dad was watching my mom cut the grass out the front window.
He was yelling, at the rate she's cutting the grass, It's going to take that contagious.

Score: 12

Why couldn't little Johnny get the toy he saw on TV? His parents weren't 18 or older.

Score: 12

Who answers my next question, can go home. In class the teacher says:
- "Who answers my next question, can go home."
Little Johnny throws his bag out the window.
- "Who just threw that?"
- "Me and I’m going home now."

Score: 11

Little Johnny asked his teacher, "should I get in trouble for something I didn't do?" "Well if you really didn't do it, I think not," said the teacher.

"Well good," little Johnny replied, "because I didn't do my homework."

Score: 11

"Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!" *Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?" Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Score: 11

Little Johnny was running behind for his weekly trip to the prostitute When he got there, she said

"Eh Jack! You late!"

Score: 10

Little Johnny calls for his mom "MOM! MOM!"

"What is it Johnny?"

"Does Grandma know anything about car mechanics?"

"No, why?"

"She's outside, under a bus"

Score: 10

Little Johnny raises his hand in class one day... and asks "Teacher, will you punish me for something I didn't do?"

"Of course not" says the teacher.

"Good," says Little Johnny, "cause I didn't do my homework."

Score: 10

"Mommy! Mommy! Little Johnny pulled down his pants and showed me his thingy!" "Oh? That's... *weird*. Well, what did you think of it?"

"It reminded me of a peanut!"

"Ha ha! Because it was so tiny?"

"No. Salty."

Score: 9

Five year old Little Johnny was lost.. Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The policeman said, "What's he like?"

Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

Score: 9

"Little Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?" "Little Johnny, why weren't you in school yesterday?"

"My dad got burnt."

"Oh, that's terrible. I hope he wasn't burned too badly."

"Nah. They really know what they're doing at those crematoriums."

Score: 9

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

Score: 9

Little Johnny raises his hand in class… "Teacher!"

"Yes, Johnny."

"Would you ever punish me for something I didn't do?"

"Of course not!"

"Good! Because I *didn't* do my homework!"

Score: 8

Teacher asks students ... ... if there are any fools in this class please stand up.

Nobody stands up .

After 10 seconds , little Johnny stands up .

Then teacher says , "aha so you are a fool ".

Johnny says , " ma'am I felt sorry for you standing all alone ... "

:)

Score: 8

Little Johnny One day, Little Johnny went to his dad and said to him, "Dad, when I grow up, I want to marry Grandma."

His dad replied, "Johnny, you can't marry my mother!"

Johnny said to him "But you married my mother. How is this any different?"

Score: 8

Mrs. Jones was giving a spelling test to her third grade class... “How do you spell the word ‘straight’?” asked Mrs. Jones.

Little Johnny shouts, “S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T!!”

“Excellent job Johnny! And what does that word mean?”

“Without ice.”

Score: 8

Little Johnny asks the teacher, "Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven't done?"

Mrs Roberts is shocked, "Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!"

Little Johnny is relieved, "OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven't done my homework."

Score: 7

Little Johnny tells his friend, "My grandpa died yesterday." Friend asks, "Oh, how did that happen?"

Johnny, "He hit his thumb with a hammer."

Friend, "But you can't die of that!"

Johnny, "I know but he wouldn't stop screaming and cursing so we shot him."

Score: 7

Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'" Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'

Score: 6

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New Little Johnny Jokes

You walk past an empty room in a crowded school,what is the cause? It was an anti-Vax classroom.Little Johnny sneezed this morning.

Score: 3

Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Score: 5

Little Johnny was sick of his long hair during quarantine, so he yelled at his mom: "MOM, I NEED A DAMN HAIRCUT!"

"You are right son, me too. I'm your dad."

Score: 3

Little Johnny is in math class The teacher asks him :
- Walmart sells two dozen bottles of wine at $2 a bottle, how much is that ?

- At home, it's about four days ma'am!

Score: 5

A girl runs home and tell her mother: "Mommy, mommy! Little Johnny paid me 5 bucks for me to climb a tree!

The mother says:

\-Oh sweety, he only wanted to see your panties under your skirt...

"Yes mom, I know! That's why I took them off before climbing!"

Score: 2

Little Johnny was a drinker but now he drinks no more... For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4.

Score: 1

Magician: I can turn this handkerchief into a flower. Little Johnny: That’s nothing. I can walk down the street and turn into an alley.

Score: 3

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny raised hand. and replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Score: 5

Little Johnny runs into his House ... He asks "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No,"says his mom,"Of course not.
After Little Johnny runs back outside, his mom gears him yell to his friend,"It's OK, we can keep playing that game!"

Score: 1

Teacher says: “With 8 billion people on Earth, that also means a lot of people die every minute. People are dying as we speak, with every breath I take.” Little Johnny suggests: “Maybe you should try some mouthwash.“

Score: 1

A stressed-looking mom and little Johnny run around the beach. After about fifteen minutes the mom stops, out of breath and demands, „Come on Johnny, please remember where you buried daddy in the sand, will you?“

Score: 3

Why is the priest glad Little Johnny has such short legs? Because he always ends up asking to have his stool pushed in.

Score: 1

Teacher asks the class, can anyone tell me me where Africa is? Little Johnny straight up wit his hand, Teacher, where is it then Johnny? He replied I don't know exactly but I know it cant be far. All the black kids go home for lunch.

Score: 2

Teacher: “Who do you think invented dancing, children?” Little Johnny: “My guess is a big Irish family with just one bathroom.”

Score: 6

Why couldn't little Johnny drop his ice cream? Because he got hit by a truck

Score: 2

Little Johnny: 'mum, I need to go to the toilet,' Mum: 'ok hang on....I'll help you in a minute'

Johnny: 'i want grandpa to take me, his hand shakes'

Score: 4

An English teacher asks Little Johnny “Make an opposite of this sentence: ‘Kids in the dark usually make errors.’” - Little Johnny: “Errors in the dark usually make children."

Score: 4

My dad and I are age mate? Teacher: How old is your father?
Johnny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Little Johnny: He became father only after I was born.
??????

Score: 2

Little Johnny: "Mom, what's a transsexual." Mom: "I don't really know the answer to that question, but Aunt Dave does."

Score: 2

Little Johnny goes up to Dad… … and asks "Dad, what is a transsexuel person?" Dad starts grinning an says "Ask Mom, he'll explain."

Score: 3

Teacher: Kids, what do you get from the chicken? Kids: Eggs!
Teacher: Very good! Now what do you get from the fat pig?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what do you get from the fat cow?
Little Johnny: Homework!

Score: 4

Little Johnny asks his Dad to take him to the circus... Dad: Don't be silly Little Johnny. No need to go to the circus when people can come here to see you

Score: 1

What did little Johnny say when he was asked who Camila Cabello was? "I havanna clue"

Score: 2

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?" Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend

Score: 2

Teacher asks Little Johnny A Question.. Teacher: "OK class, who will give me the chemical formula for water?"

Johnny: "HIJKLMNO."

Teacher: "What on earth are you on about?"

Johnny: "Well you said yourself yesterday it was H to O!"

Score: 6

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it... He says, "Hey Dad! What are you doing?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mother's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage.
The milkman filled her this morning."

Score: 2

Little Johnny's father asked for report card. Johnny replied, "I don't have it." "Why not?" His father asked. "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Score: 3

Little Johnny does poetry. One day in English class, Little Johnny is asked to write a poem. He gets up in front of class and tells them "I've named this poem Old Lady's Underpants."

Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue,
Grandma's are purple.

Score: 1

Little Johnny Johnny : "My dad is bigger than your dad."

Dave : "Yeah? Who's told you that?"

Johnny : "Your mum."

Score: 3

Little Johnny comes home after learning about Mendelian inheritance in genetics at school. "Mom?"

"What is it, Johnny?" replied his mom.

"Was Eve black?"

Score: 1

Little Johnny, please use the word "horticulture" in a sentence. You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think!

Score: 3

Little Johnny goes Trick or Treating as a pirate... ... When he gets to the house of a kind old woman, she says "Oh don't you look fierce! But tell me, where are your buccaneers?"

Johnny replies "Under my bucking hat, where else would they be?!?"

Score: 2

Little Johnny called his teacher to ask about the time difference between his city and London. "Just a minute..." his teacher replied.

"Thanks, teach!"

Score: 2

A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"

"Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa.

"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest.

"Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.

Score: 4

Teacher: "Alright, children, who can tell me what comes after 69? Little Johnny, how about you?" Little Johnny: "Mouthwash."

Teacher: "Get out."

Score: 2

Dandelion Teacher:"Can you make a sentence with dandelion."

Little johnny:"The cheetah is faster dandelion."

Score: 4

Little Johnny accidentally enters his parents room and is shocked by what he saw "Mom you are doing this and you punish me for sucking my finger" he shouted

Score: 2

Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

Score: 1

Little Johnny sometimes mixed up words while speaking And one day he was facing a murderer. Little Johnny said "Police donut kill meme!"

Score: 2

Little Johnny asks his teacher Little Johnny asks his teacher, "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"

"Of course not, Johnny," she responds.

"Great, because I didn't do my homework."

Score: 6

Little Johnny Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

Score: 2

A Priest, a Horse, Little Johnny, and the Easter Bunny Walk Into a Bar The poor bartender doesn't know what to say.

Score: 1

Little Johnny was kicked out of Math class by his teacher. Apparently, "mouthwash" wasn't the right answer for the question "what comes after 69?"

Score: 1

Little Johnny A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, "Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?"

"No," said Little Johnny knowledgeably. "It's just like with Santa Claus. I know it's really my dad."

Score: 3

Little Johnny strikes again The teacher came up to johnny's desk and asked can you tell me what seperates you from a monkey.

Johnny said with confidence "the desk".

Score: 4

This time little Johnny got 10/10 in his homework! Teacher: admit it Johnny, your mother helped you!
Johnny: no She didn't help me, she did it all alone.

Score: 3

Little Johnny Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.

Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

Score: 4

Little Johnny goes inside the house Johnny: Mom, can I go swing Grandma?

Mom: No, first we have to find out why she hung herself

Score: 1

Why did little Johnny hate baseball? Every time he reaches third base, his teammates tell him to go home.

Score: 1

Little Johnny complains to mom at home, “Mom, our teacher really doesn’t know anything. He keeps asking us!”

Score: 4

Little Johnny... Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

Score: 3

The teacher asked her class, "Who can make a sentence containing 'defense', 'defeat', and 'detail'?" Little Johnny puts up his hand and says, "Defeat of de dog went over defense before detail"

Score: 1

Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream? He got hit by a truck...

Score: 2

The local Cardiologist just died. And everyone showed up at the funeral with hearts. Hearts of all kinds were put on his casket.

Little Johnny says "Boy, I'm not gonna miss the Gynecologist's funeral!"

Score: 3

A Teacher tries to get her students to stop counting on their fingers The teacher calls on little Johnny.

"Alright Johnny, put your hands in your pockets. Now, what's 6 plus 4?"

Johnny thinks, looks up to the ceiling,

"Eleven!"

Score: 2

A Christmas Wish Little Johnny wrote a letter to Santa,

Dear Santa Claus
Please send me a sister for Christmas

Santa wrote back,

Dear Little Johnny
Please send me your mother

Score: 1

The teacher in science class asks Little Johnny... "Why do African American people have yellow eyes?"

Johnny , a little confused , waits for a moment , before replying back, "OH , i know! it's from all the pepper spray!"

Score: 1

Little Johnny is sitting in front of the TV... ... watching a program about NASA.
'I wish I could be shot into space' he said.
'You would have been if your father had done what he was told' replies his mother.

Score: 5

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Score: 1

a misunderstanding teacher to class: can anyone use the word fascinate in a sentence?
little johnny: my sister has ten buttons on her shirt but she can only fasten eight

Score: 6