Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now. And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.
In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one
What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common? They’re both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire
Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer? She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself
They say you should test your fire alarm once a month... But it's costing me a fortune in houses!
The last words my grandma told my grandfather was “Sweetie, I’ll see you in heaven!” Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters, completely harmless until you light one on fire and stick it in your mouth.
Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.
Donald Trump is like a marshmallow... He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.
I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job. If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.
I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols. I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.
Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life
what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck?
Jose and Jos-B
this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom
How many Avatar characters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. It will change when the fire nation attacks
My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he’ll fire the employee with the worst posture... I have a hunch it might be me...
A little boy comes downstairs in the middle of the night and asks for a cup of water.
Dad: OK, but that's the 730th one you've had tonight...
Boy: I know, but my room's still on fire
A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.
The whole event was pretty terrible.
It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.
AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub.
Give an Eevee a Water Stone and it turns into Vaporeon. Give an Eevee a Fire Stone and it turns into Flareon. Give an Eevee a couple dollars every month for their art project and it turns into Patreon.
A lawyer had just undergone surgery
...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"
"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."
As my own boss, I wasn’t sure if I could fire myself, so I decided to test it. I really let myself go.
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture I have a hunch that it might be me.
Cigarettes are like Squirrels... They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire
An Irish man is pulled from a burning bar..
He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke.
When asked about how the fire started the man says "damned if I know, the place was in blazes when I got 'ere!"
Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?
'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.
*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*
There was a fire in a yodelling school. Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion.
My teacher told us not to use the elevator in case of a fire. "Of course," I replied, rolling my eyes. "We'll use the fire extinguisher."
My father always told me "son, you should always fight fire with fire" Probably why he lost his job as a fireman
2 guys are on a boat with 3 cigarettes and no fire source to lit them So they throw 1 cigarette out the boat and the boat comes a cigarette lighter
Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for a day Light a man on fire and you keep him warm the rest of his life
I was asked to describe what a fire detector was.. I told them it was what my dad used to tell him that dinner was ready.
I thought the biggest fire this week was going to be in Australia. But then I turned on the TV and watched Ricky Gervais burn all of Hollywood.
I got a gun for Christmas but I can’t fire it I suppose I should check the “Trouble Shooting?” guide
My dad always said to "fight fire with fire." We weren't very surprised when he got fired from the fire department...
The government offered to buy back all my guns
I turned them down
I don't feel right selling fire arms to organized crime.
If you build a man a fire he will be warm for a couple hours. If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.
If you give a man a candle he will be warm for a couple hours. If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.
BREAKING : Prison guard responsible for watching Jeffrey Epstein killed in tragic house fire Time of death was 11:26am, tomorrow.
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to set the bicycle on fire and two to fill the bathtub with giraffes.
People are seriously still shooting fire works on July 9?!? One almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire.
Working in a bank is a very ungrateful job.
A lady asks me to check her balance. I politely said I sure will.
So I push her over, and they have the audacity to fire me!
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they .
Hamsters are a lot like cigarretes. Completely harmless until you light one on fire and put it in your mouth.
Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life
My Grandma stopped smoking yesterday, its pretty impressive Since i set her on fire a week ago
A plane's engine suddenly catches on fire
As the plane starts to descend rapidly, a woman gets out of her seat, rips off her clothes and yells
"I want to feel like a woman for one last time!"
A man gets up, takes off his shirt and shouts
"Wash mine, too!"
I just failed a fire safety course when they asked what steps I would take in case of an explosion. Apparently, "extremely large ones" wasn’t an acceptable answer.
A bunch of soldiers were suddenly under fire by ISIS troops
Officer: Men! FIRE AT WILL!
Will: What did I do?
Set a fire for a man, he'll be warm for a night Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life