Fire Jokes

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Funniest Fire Jokes

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now. And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.

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Funny Fire Jokes
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In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

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I searched google for "how to start a large fire" 52,000 matches

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Cigarettes are like hamsters Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.

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What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common? They’re both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

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As I'm sure you're all aware, the Notre Dame Cathedral is on fire. They don't know who did it, but they have a hunch.

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Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer? She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself

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Why do police officers wear blue? Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

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If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside? K9P

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Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire? If it burns, it's a smart ant.

If it doesn't, it's retardant.

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They say you should test your fire alarm once a month... But it's costing me a fortune in houses!

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The last words my grandma told my grandfather was “Sweetie, I’ll see you in heaven!” Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.

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My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

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Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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I bought the president of Brazil an Apple TV for the holiday. And all he got me was an Amazon fire.

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Accidentally called 911 Set my house on fire to not look stupid.

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Donald Trump is like a marshmallow... He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.

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The blacksmith hires an apprentice He instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.”

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he’s the new village blacksmith

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Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?" "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

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Cigarettes are just like squirrels. They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job. If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.

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I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols. I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

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Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life

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My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire Great guy, horrible firefighter.

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What's one thing you dont want to have while putting out a fire? Verizon Wireless.

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At this time of year, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep. And that's why I'm no longer a fireman.

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what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck? Jose and Jos-B

this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom

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What do you call a jacket that's on fire? A blazer.

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How many Avatar characters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. It will change when the fire nation attacks

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An Irish man is pulled from a burning bar.. He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke.
When asked about how the fire started the man says "damned if I know, the place was in blazes when I got 'ere!"

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Why did the farmer fire the DJ? Because he kept on dropping beets.

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What do you call a fatality that results from friendly fire in a gang war? Homiecide

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"We're going to be together for the rest of our lives!" smiled my wife as we flew on our dream vacation to Hawaii... "You seem pretty sure of yourself." I replied.

"I am!" she said, gazing out the window. "The left wing's fallen off and the engine's on fire."

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Yesterday, there was a fire in a shoe factory. Hundreds of soles were lost.

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A lawyer is in the hospital.. As the lawyer woke up after surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?"

The nurse answered, "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think the operation was a failure."

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2 "black" questions that aren't racist. What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

What's black and screaming? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

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People are seriously still shooting fire works on July 9?!? One almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire.

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Why didn't Pinocchio make it thru puberty? He caught on fire.

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What do a squirrel and a cigarette have in common? Put either one in your mouth, light it on fire, and it will kill you.


Source: Friend told me

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New Fire Jokes

Most people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July Except fire. Fire works on the 4th of July.

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2 guys are on a boat with 3 cigarettes and no fire source to lit them So they throw 1 cigarette out the boat and the boat comes a cigarette lighter

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Did you know that smothering is the most immediate form of fire relief? Yo mommas so fat, she might just be what firefighters need to stop the Gettysburg fire in California.

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There’s a sure fire way to live up to a hundred. Eat a meatball a day for a hundred years.

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If you give a man a candle he will be warm for a couple hours. If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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Don’t ever yell fire in a crowded movie theatre Or “Gatorade” in a pet shop

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What's worse than yelling FIRE in a mexican neighborhood? ICE

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I put an old Christmas tree in the fire the other night It ended up looking like a menorah while burning

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I've been babysitting for many years, and I have finally learned the secret! The biggest weakness of most children is fire.

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How do you make a stoner scared? Tell them that their joint is on fire.

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We still don’t know who started the fire at Notre Dame, But they have a hunch.

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They're not sure how the Notre Dame fire started, but they have a hunch.

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The investigators didn't know who started the fire at Notre Dame But they had a hunch.

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Police are still investigating what caused the Notre Dame Fire But Quasimodo has a hunch

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No one knows how the Notre Dame fire started.. But I think Quasimodo has a hunch

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Authorities don't know the cause of the Notre Dame fire but Quasimoda has a hunch

heard from a friend this am. not mine

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I knew the Notre Dame fire was going to happen... I just had this hunch

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French police aren't sure how the Notre Dame fire started... But they have a hunch.

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As you may know, Notre Dame is currently on fire Police are having trouble working out the cause, but they have a hunch.

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What do you call a black fire fighter? A fire fighter you racist f.

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Police: I’m sorry for the both of you. Police: Your son set the school on fire.

Parents: Arson?

Police: Yes, your son.

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Why do people use fire during new year Because fireworks

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Tinder is used to make a fire But you first need to find a match

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What do you call a Caucasian pyromancer Fire Cracker

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Canadian wildfire from BC turned back at USA border by customs and boarder patrol. Upon admitting to smoking "fields of marijuana" on its way to the border, the fire was denied entry, and banned for life from entering the US.

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The butcher didn’t want to fire the midgets on his staff, but they couldn’t get the meat off the top shelf The steaks were just too high

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Where did the fire go on 4th of july? Firework

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A blonde girl is in the woods... She realizes she is lost and tries to make a fire. She fails and lies on the ground in defeat, crying.

But then her husband walks outside and tells her to come back inside.

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A coworker is showing a new hire around. A coworker is showing the latest company hire around the office. “How long have you worked here?” the new hire asks.
“Ever since they threatened to fire me,” the coworker answers.

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Special needs bus crashes into local pot shop and catches fire. Baked potatoes all over the place.

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I once set a crippled kid on fire... I call it “Hot Wheels”

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A boss is about to fire his engineer after a bridge collapses. But after seeing the engineer weeping, tells him "oh cry me a river, just build a new one and get over it."

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A man with two wooden legs had his house lit on fire The firefighters were able to save the house but unfortunately the man was burnt to the ground. He tried to call the insurance company in the morning but...he didn’t have a leg to stand on

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I’m moving to California to become a real estate agent... I heard the market is on fire!!!

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What do a pyrotechnician and a women with a yeast infection have in common? Fire in the hole!

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What do a cigarette and a squirrel have in common? They're both harmless until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.

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When did Pinocchio realized that he is made from wood? When his right arm caught on fire...

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Did you hear about the huge circus fire? It was in tents.

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Do you know how to make a cat go woof? Soak it in gasoline and light it on fire and it goes woof!

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Every parent says that they love all their kids equally But if there was a fire, there's one they'd save first.

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Old fire fighters never quit They just do asbestos they can.

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If an illegal immigrant sets fire to their arm Is it an illegal firearm?

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Robin Hood is lining up his final shot of the tournament He turns to the official and asks "If I can fire this arrow into my first will it count as a double bullseye?"

The official replies, "yep, Sherwood"

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Why are Boy Scouts safest when travelling with a senior? They'll always have dry wood on hand to start a fire

- this came to me in a dream... maybe it should have stayed there? *shrugs*

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How does Ellen DeGeneres fire an arrow? With her Les-bow.

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Did y'all hear about the circus fire this weekend? Yeah, scary stuff... they say it was intents.

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Why did the farmer fire the DJ? Because he kept dropping beets

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Wanna hear my campfire jokes? They're straight fire

Wanna hear s'more?

I deal crackers by the graham

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What does the realtor on HGTV say ... ... about the house that caught fire, was flooded and damaged in a tornado, with no roof, a broken foundation and termite infestation?


*It has a lot of potential* ™

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If a one "L" Lama is a priest and a 2 "L" llama is an animal, what is a 3 "L" lama? A fire in Brooklyn

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I had to fire my carpenter Turns out he was a mahoganist.

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Donald Trump in a submarine Soldier " Sir! The enemy is attacking, we're under fire!"

Trump "relax soldier... We're under water..."

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What do you call a fire on the beach? Bernie Sanders

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What type of curry sets fire to the rain? A-Dhal

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Q: You're sailing on a boat with a pack of cigarettes, but do not have a fire source, what do? A: Throw one overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

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My RA just came to my room looking for fire hazards . He said everything was fine . I guess he didn't see my mixtape .

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How did pinocchio find out that he was made out of wood? His hand caught fire.

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A Republican, a Democrat, and a Socialist live in the same building. One day there is a fire, but only the Socialist dies. Why? everyone else was at work.

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When is the only appropriate time to spit in an Italian woman's face? When her mustache is on fire!

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How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood? He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire.

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