Fire Jokes

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Funniest Fire Jokes

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now. And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.

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Funny Fire Jokes
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In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

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I searched google for "how to start a large fire" 52,000 matches

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Cigarettes are like hamsters Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.

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What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common? They’re both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

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As I'm sure you're all aware, the Notre Dame Cathedral is on fire. They don't know who did it, but they have a hunch.

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Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer? She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself

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Why do police officers wear blue? Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

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If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside? K9P

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Did you know that you can tell how smart an ant is by catching it on fire? If it burns, it's a smart ant.

If it doesn't, it's retardant.

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They say you should test your fire alarm once a month... But it's costing me a fortune in houses!

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The last words my grandma told my grandfather was “Sweetie, I’ll see you in heaven!” Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.

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My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

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Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

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I bought the president of Brazil an Apple TV for the holiday. And all he got me was an Amazon fire.

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Accidentally called 911 Set my house on fire to not look stupid.

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Donald Trump is like a marshmallow... He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.

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The blacksmith hires an apprentice He instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.”

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he’s the new village blacksmith

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Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?" "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

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Cigarettes are just like squirrels. They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job. If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.

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I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols. I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

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Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life

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My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire Great guy, horrible firefighter.

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What's one thing you dont want to have while putting out a fire? Verizon Wireless.

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At this time of year, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep. And that's why I'm no longer a fireman.

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what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck? Jose and Jos-B

this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom

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What do you call a jacket that's on fire? A blazer.

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How many Avatar characters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. It will change when the fire nation attacks

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What do you call a monkey holding a fire cracker? A Baboom!

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Roses are red Roses are red.
Violets are....red

Tulips are red








My garden is on fire.

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A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane. The whole event was pretty terrible.

It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

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AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub.

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Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA. - The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring

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Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White? 'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

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Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for one night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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On her deathbed my wife said, "Sweety, I will see you in Heaven." Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!

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Cigarettes are just like weasels... Both are completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.

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I was going to post a really long joke about a mythical fire breathing animal But it'd drag on.

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New Fire Jokes

My father always said, you need to fight fire with fire. Great father, terrible fireman.

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If you give a man a candle he will be warm for a couple hours. If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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People are seriously still shooting fire works on July 9?!? One almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire.

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What's worse than yelling FIRE in a mexican neighborhood? ICE

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I've been babysitting for many years, and I have finally learned the secret! The biggest weakness of most children is fire.

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Investigators do not yet know what caused the Notre Dame fire.. But Quasimodo has a hunch.

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My uncle always said to fight fire with fire... I guess thats why he's not a fireman anymore.

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Nurse to my dad at the hospital... ... after he was hit by a car on his bike: do you smoke?

Dad, still not sure who the current president is: only when I'm on fire

Nurse: looks to my mom

Mom: no.

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Special needs bus crashes into local pot shop and catches fire. Baked potatoes all over the place.

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I once set a crippled kid on fire... I call it “Hot Wheels”

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Why did they fire the guy from the Orange Juice Factory? He couldn’t concentrate.

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Squirrels are like cigarettes The perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and set in on fire

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I can communicate via smoke signals but I can only say one thing. "We are having a fire"

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Give a man a fire... Give a man a fire he'll be warm for a night

Set a man on fire he'll be warm for the rest of his life

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How do you put out a fire at a strip club? You use the hose.

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Billy Joel's house has burned down. apparently due to a faulty game console. Investigators say the fire was caused by a faulty game console. However, Mr Joel has claimed that Wii didn't start the fire.

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What's black and sits at the the top of a staircase ? Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

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Why did the apple salesman fire his delivery boy? He was driving him bananas.

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If H2O is inside fire hydrants, what's on the outside? K9P

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Arrrgghhh... My Retinas Are on Fire I just saw The Emoji Movie.

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What's big, red, hard too eat and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A fire truck

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Yesterday, there was a fire in a shoe factory. Hundreds of soles were lost.

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If H2O is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? K9P

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We all know Trump will just fire the next batch. In other words, Reince and repeat.

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My dad always used to say " fight fire with fire" That's probably why he got kicked out the fire brigade.

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Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for the night.... ...light a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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I was deeply upset when my wife walked out. I thought the fire had got her.

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What do the French call a good fire ? A bonfire

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If the inside of a fire hydrant is covered with H2O, what's on the outside? K9P

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Give a man a fire... And he will be warm for a night

Teach a man to fire and he'll be my ex-boss

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What do a squirrel and a cigarette have in common? Put either one in your mouth, light it on fire, and it will kill you.


Source: Friend told me

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If you build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day.
If you set a man on fire, he'll be warm the rest of his life.

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What do you call a trailer​ park fire? Firecrackers

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Give a man a fire Give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day.


Set a man on fire, he'll be warm the rest of his life.

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Question: Can the President fire the Director of the FBI? Yes, of course. If he can put Trump in office, President Putin can certainly fire Comey too.

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Got laser eye surgery last month Still can't fire lasers out of my eyes. Am I doing it wrong? Should I get a refund?

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My daughter asked what I was doing with my shotgun, I said I was hunting decepticons. She laughed, I laughed, the refrigerator laughed, I shot the refrigerator. Turns out... It's illegal to fire a gun within city limits, I got arrested.

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Why do the firemen take out people from a burning building before they put the fire out with water? Bros before hose.

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Did you hear about the huge circus fire? It was in tents.

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If you build a man a fire, he will be warm for a night But if you set a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life

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A flower shop burst into flame... It was a florist fire.

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Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for a night... Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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Why are hens so good at fire drills? They always know where to egg sit.

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My girlfriend is just like a burning hot fire You take away the oxygen and they're gone.

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If you set a forest on fire It wood burn

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What do environmentally friendly mathematicians use to make a fire? Natural Logs

Just though of this sitting in class, please don't hurt me

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Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day Teach a man to fire: he'll turn orange, run a reality show based on it, and then take over your country.

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There was a tragic fire at a Nike factory recently... 800 soles were lost.

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Why did the mad scientist deliberately create a huge fire tornado? Some people just want to watch the whirled burn.

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What do you call a Barbie on fire? A Barbecue!







Be gentle. First post. And I remember making this up on a long car ride when I was just 4:)

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whats black and sits at the top of the staircase? stephen hawking after a house fire

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How does trump fire a gun? He tells the bullet it's fired.

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What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawkings after a house fire.

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What is black and sits atop the staircase? Steven Hawking after a house fire.

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I had to fire my carpenter Turns out he was a mahoganist.

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Build a man a fire and you warm him for a day. Light a man on fire and you warm him for the rest of his life.

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There I was, risking my life to save my girlfriend from a fire-breathing dragon!! And all she had to say was.. "You have a drug problem."

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What's black and sits on top of a staircase? Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

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When is the only right time to slap an ugly woman? When her mustache is on fire.

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Favorite stupid jokes, please add yours as well! "Did you hear about the fire at the circus?..... It was in-tents!"

Please add your dumb joke below!

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