Fire Jokes

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Funniest Fire Jokes

Fire is destroying a world famous landmark in Paris right now. And there’s notre dame thing they can do about it.

Funny Fire Jokes

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common? They’re both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer? She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself

If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside? K9P

They say you should test your fire alarm once a month... But it's costing me a fortune in houses!

The last words my grandma told my grandfather was “Sweetie, I’ll see you in heaven!” Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters, completely harmless until you light one on fire and stick it in your mouth.

Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he is warm for the rest of his life.

Accidentally called 911 Set my house on fire to not look stupid.

Donald Trump is like a marshmallow... He's easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches fire easily, and will melt down when he gets under too much heat.

I don't understand all the hate for Ajit Pai. He's just doing his job. If he didn't, Verizon would probably fire him.

I got yelled at in LA today for singing Christmas Carols. I guess they don't wanna hear about how the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life

My father always told me you gotta fight fire with fire Great guy, horrible firefighter.

what do you call 2 mexicans on a fire truck? Jose and Jos-B

this was always my mom's favorite joke, R.I.P. Mom

How many Avatar characters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. It will change when the fire nation attacks

My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he’ll fire the employee with the worst posture... I have a hunch it might be me...

A little boy comes downstairs in the middle of the night and asks for a cup of water. Dad: OK, but that's the 730th one you've had tonight...

Boy: I know, but my room's still on fire

What do you call a monkey holding a fire cracker? A Baboom!

What do you call women with a fetish for firefighters? Fire Hoes.

A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane. The whole event was pretty terrible.

It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub.

Give an Eevee a Water Stone and it turns into Vaporeon. Give an Eevee a Fire Stone and it turns into Flareon. Give an Eevee a couple dollars every month for their art project and it turns into Patreon.

My boss said he's going to fire everyone with bad posture. I have a hunch it might be me.

A lawyer had just undergone surgery ...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"

"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. Benefits were good, but the parking was terrible.

As my own boss, I wasn’t sure if I could fire myself, so I decided to test it. I really let myself go.

Why couldn't the Mexican fire his bow? He didn't habenero.

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture I have a hunch that it might be me.

My aunt always said the slow and steady win the race She died in a fire

Cigarettes are like Squirrels... They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

An Irish man is pulled from a burning bar.. He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke.
When asked about how the fire started the man says "damned if I know, the place was in blazes when I got 'ere!"

What kind of moron invented the fire blanket Surely fire is warm enough already?

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White? 'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

If H2O is inside a fire hydrant what’s on the outside? K9P

If you miss your ex Steady aim, control breathing, and fire again

Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for one night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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New Fire Jokes

My father always said, you need to fight fire with fire. Great father, terrible fireman.

There was a fire in a yodelling school. Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion.

My teacher told us not to use the elevator in case of a fire. "Of course," I replied, rolling my eyes. "We'll use the fire extinguisher."

My reddish-brown Toyota minivan caught on fire yesterday It’s a burnt burnt sienna Sienna.

My father always told me "son, you should always fight fire with fire" Probably why he lost his job as a fireman

2 guys are on a boat with 3 cigarettes and no fire source to lit them So they throw 1 cigarette out the boat and the boat comes a cigarette lighter

If you're ever feeling useless just remember Bikini Bottom has a fire department

If H2O is in the inside of a fire hydrant, then what is on the outside? K9P

Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for a day Light a man on fire and you keep him warm the rest of his life

I was asked to describe what a fire detector was.. I told them it was what my dad used to tell him that dinner was ready.

I thought the biggest fire this week was going to be in Australia. But then I turned on the TV and watched Ricky Gervais burn all of Hollywood.

I got a gun for Christmas but I can’t fire it I suppose I should check the “Trouble Shooting?” guide

A bread factory caught on fire the other day. Now, their business is toast.

My dad always said to "fight fire with fire." We weren't very surprised when he got fired from the fire department...

The government offered to buy back all my guns I turned them down

I don't feel right selling fire arms to organized crime.

If you build a man a fire he will be warm for a couple hours. If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.

If you give a man a candle he will be warm for a couple hours. If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.

“ I swear i will kill someone if they fire me” Said the bullet

If a fire hydrant has H20 inside, what does it have on the outside? K9P

How do you burn a lot of calories quickly? Set a fat kid on fire

FREE Halloween costume idea: Set yourself on fire and go as the planet.

BREAKING : Prison guard responsible for watching Jeffrey Epstein killed in tragic house fire Time of death was 11:26am, tomorrow.

A fire hydrant has H2O on the inside And K9P on the outside

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to set the bicycle on fire and two to fill the bathtub with giraffes.

People are seriously still shooting fire works on July 9?!? One almost caught my Christmas decorations on fire.

What's worse than yelling FIRE in a mexican neighborhood? ICE

roses are red, tulips are red, violets are red. my garden is on fire :(

Working in a bank is a very ungrateful job. A lady asks me to check her balance. I politely said I sure will.

So I push her over, and they have the audacity to fire me!

Why did the Mexican Archer not fire his Bow? Cuz, he didn't habanero.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they .

Hamsters are a lot like cigarretes. Completely harmless until you light one on fire and put it in your mouth.

Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life

What did the Mexican fire chief name his two children Jose and Hose-B

My Grandma stopped smoking yesterday, its pretty impressive Since i set her on fire a week ago

A plane's engine suddenly catches on fire As the plane starts to descend rapidly, a woman gets out of her seat, rips off her clothes and yells

"I want to feel like a woman for one last time!"

A man gets up, takes off his shirt and shouts

"Wash mine, too!"

I just failed a fire safety course when they asked what steps I would take in case of an explosion. Apparently, "extremely large ones" wasn’t an acceptable answer.

If fire and water are both elements, what is steam? Better than Epic.

A bunch of soldiers were suddenly under fire by ISIS troops Officer: Men! FIRE AT WILL!

Will: What did I do?

Set a fire for a man, he'll be warm for a night Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life

Give a man a match and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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Long Fire Jokes

There was a woman who had 100 kids..

She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety. Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation. One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.

Only Ninety's kids will remember This.

An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full version. Give my friends lyrics sheets, so they can join in. I want a full backing orchestra. A gospel choir. When we reach the crescendo I want to fire an AR15 into the air, to celebrate our God given rights to bear arms'

It will be done, says the genie

The Japanese guy goes next. 'I love my country too. Nothing represents it better than our wonderful cuisine. Please let me taste one more time, the delicacies of my village. I want fermented sticky soy beans. Fresh sea urchin. Raw horse meat. Pickled seaweed. Sugared omelettes. And please....provide enough so I can share the meal with my friends'

It will be done, says the genie

The Englishman quietly approaches the genie, and whispers in his ear

'Just kill me before the food and that bloody song'

Two wives ho out for girls' night.

Both got drunk, started walking home and had to go to the bathroom. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties and the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. The next morning, one husband calls the other and says

"No more girls' night out. My wife came back with no panties."

"You think you have it bad?" says the other, "Mine came back with a card stuck in her crack that read 'from all of us at the fire station... we will never forget you."

Ninety

There was once a woman who had 100 children. She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety. Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out. In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation. One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed. Only Ninety's kids will remember This.

A doctor, a priest and an engineer go golfing...

After only a few rounds, they get caught behind the worst group of golfers they've ever seen. After growing impatient from waiting for them to finish their holes, they go into the clubhouse to complain.

"Let me explain," says the manager. "You see, those men all used to be firefighters, some of the best our city has ever seen. There was a fire here at the clubhouse about five years ago. Those heroic men saved our clubhouse from the fire. However, most unfortunately, they all lost their sight in the terrible fire. Since then, they are welcome to use our facilities for life; it's the very least we could do."

The priest, looks forlorn and says, "I'm so sorry to hear it! I will hold a prayer service this Sunday dedicated to these men."

The doctor says, "what an awful thing! I know a highly-regarded optometrist who has done some research that might be able to help them, I'll arrange for them to meet as soon as I can!"

The engineer thinks for a moment and says, "why can't they golf at night?"

An engineer, physicist, and a statistician in a hotel room...

So an engineer, a physicist, and a statistician are all sleeping in a hotel room when suddenly an outlet catches fire. The engineer wakes up first and says to himself "this is an electrical fire, water won't work!" And runs to grab a fire extinguisher. The physicist wakes up next and thinks to himself "we have to cut the electricity off!" And runs to the power panel in the basement. The statistician wakes up and looks around, he then screams "we need more data!!" And he sets the curtains on fire.

The legend of the three kingdoms

There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires.

The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a noosed rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.

The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought. The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious. And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

In a hotel a engineer, a physicist and a mathematician...

... are sleeping when a fire breaks out.

The engineer wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the next fire extinguisher and starts spraying.... After what seems hours of heroic fighting the fire is gone and he goes to sleep again.

But the fire breaks out again. The physicist wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the fire extinguisher .... stares at the fire for some minutes, does some calculations in his head - air flow, humidity, thermodynamic whatever - and then - with one blow from the extinguisher at the right point the fire is out and he goes to sleep again.

But the fire breaks out again. The mathematician wakes up, notices the fire, sees the extinguisher - aaaah, the problem is solvable ... and goes to sleep again.

Top 20 worst jokes ever !!!!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
You, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says
to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn’t find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good. . .) A
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different
puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!

In order to stop accusations of racism, Trump decides to hire a Mexican immigrant

However, he doesn't feel confortable having him as an employee and calls him over in his office.

Juan: "Why you call me, jefe ?"

Trump: "You're fired!"


Juan: "Que ?! Why ?!!"


Trump: "Because....uh... Because you didn't finish high school!"

Juan: "Oh, no problemo, jefe! Yo go y finish high school and return to work!"


Juan finishes high school, comes back to work and Trump calls him again.


Juan: "Si, jefe ?"

Trump: "You're fired!"


Juan: "Que ?! Why ?! Yo finish high school !"


Trump: "Yeah, but.... um.... you didn't finish college!"


Juan: "No problemo! Yo finish college too Jefe!"


Juan finishes college too and comes back to work again only for Trump to call him again.


Juan: "What now, jefe ?"


Trump: "You're fired!"


Juan: "Que?! Why ?! Yo finish both high school y college! Why you fire me this time ?"


Trump: "Because.... uh....um. Ok, here's the truth! You're a Mexican immigrant and I don't like you working here!"


Juan: "No problemo! Yo become Americano and come back to work!"


So Juan gains American citizenship, learns perfect English, converts to Protestantism, embraces American culture, changes his name to John and comes back to work.

Only for Trump to call him again.


John: "Why do you wanna see me, boss ?"

Trump: "You're fired!"


John:"What! Why ? I finished high school, I finished college, I became an American! What more do you want from me ?!"


Trump: "Well, the last 3 times I fired you, my critics accused me of being a racist for always firing the only Mexican worker. So in order to prove them wrong, I decided to fire an American this time."

"The neighbors hate us."

"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer

were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

There once was a woman who had 100 children....

She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety.
Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog and never told their mother afraid she would kick the dog out . In fact they never told anyone. To keep from arousing any suspicions they named the dog "This" so the name could be used in conversation.
One day This ran away. They never saw This again. No one else knew about This. No one even knew a dog named This existed.













Only Ninety's kids will remember This.

A groaner for all you math lovers out there...

There were three kingdoms, each bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all. The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires.

The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knght with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a noosed rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.

The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious. And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...

... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.

The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."

The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.

The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."

They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."

The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"

One Marine is better than...

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune:
"One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters".

The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred Isis 'S.O.B.'s'".

Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences.
After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The voice calls out again: "One Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible fight is fought ... then silence.

Eventually, one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men ... it's a trap. There's two of them."

Stats joke..

Three professors (a physicist, a chemist, and a statistician) are called in to see their dean. Just as they arrive the dean is called out of his office, leaving the three professors there. The professors see with alarm that there is a fire in the wastebasket.

The physicist says, "I know what to do! We must cool down the materials until their temperature is lower than the ignition temperature and then the fire will go out."

The chemist says, "No! No! I know what to do! We must cut off the supply of oxygen so that the fire will go out due to lack of one of the reactants."

While the physicist and chemist debate what course to take, they both are alarmed to see the statistician running around the room starting other fires. They both scream, "What are you doing?"

To which the statistician replies, "Trying to get an adequate sample size.

EDIT: this was a joke my stats prof told our class

An American, A Canadian and a Japanese were stranded in a deserted island

An American, A Canadian and a Japanese were stranded in a deserted island in middle of no where. They understood that until rescues arrived, they will need to work together in order to stay alive on the island. So they decided to divide up the tasks. The American points to the Canadian and says: "you will be in charge of building and maintaining a fire", the Canadian nods. Then he points to the Japanese and says: "you will be in charge of supplies.", the Japanese nods. "And I will be in charge of building shelters, we will meet back here by sunset". They agreed and went off their own ways. By sunset, the American has built this beautiful sturdy shelter, enough for 3 plus more. The Canadian created a big steady camp fire all ready to cook whatever they got. But the Japanese is no where to be found. After a few more hours, night falls and there were still no signs of the Japanese. They got worried and decided to go into the forest to look for him. They inch slowly towards the forest with cautions because they don't know what wild beasts roam at night. As soon as they stepped into the forest, a bush rustles, and out jumped the Japanese man screaming "SURPRISE!!!"

Two wives go out for girls' night. Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.

They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties, the other grabbed a wreath off of a grave. The next morning, one husband called the other and said "No more girls' night out! My wife came back with no panties!" The other said, "You think that's bad? Mine came back with a card in her crack that read 'From all of us at the fire station... We'll never forget you!'

Paddy dies a terrible death...

Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".

So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.

Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."

"What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes... "

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