The Office Jokes

Contents

Funniest The Office Jokes

As a responsible employer, All my staff are in a 2 week quarantine. Productivity is through the roof since nobody can leave the office.

Score: 19036

A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen. Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.

It was a brief case.

Score: 18443

My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!" I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

Score: 8802

As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office I’m on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.

Score: 7753

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

Score: 2914

Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office

Score: 2790

A German was going to a trip in France... He reached passport control and the officer asked:

"Name?"

"Hans Kleiner"

"Age?"

"31"

"Occupation?"

"No no, just visiting"

Score: 2347

I was pulled over last night and the officer asked me if I had a police record. I told him “no but I have a couple albums by Sting.

Score: 2288

My wife just called me. She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."

I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."

Score: 2045

A German man visiting France He's stopped at customs. The officer asks him, "Name?"

"Hans Muller" replies the German.

"Occupation?"

"No, just visiting this time."

Score: 682

Why I won't carpool. I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

Score: 569

A drunk wakes up in jail and asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?" "For drinking." replies the officer. "Great!" slurs the man. "When do we start?"

Score: 560

One of the girls in the office where I work is going to be having a baby. I just haven't decided which one yet.

Score: 452

An alcoholic wakes up in jail He asks the first police officer he sees "why am I here?"

the officer replies "for drinking"

The man replies "great, when do we start?"

Score: 444

A Russian is travelling to Poland... and he is stopped to be checked by an officer.

"Name?" the officer asked.

"Vlad Dobrynin," the man answered.

"Nationality?"

"Russian."

"Occupation?"

"No, no, just visiting."

Score: 251
Funny The Office Jokes
Score: 250

Why is Christmas like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Score: 244

My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he’ll fire the employee with the worst posture... I have a hunch it might be me...

Score: 239

My wife just called me. She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous."

I said, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

Score: 198

My boss noticed I shaved before coming in to the office today then he told me if i wanted to keep my job I would have to start keeping my pants on

Score: 163

A man applies for a job as a police officer. The officer says: Alright, one more thing. Take this gun and go shoot 7 black men and a squirrel.


The man replies: Why the squirrel?


The officer says: I love your attitude, you got the job!

Score: 159

My boss told me "As a security guard, its your job to watch the office".... I'm on season 6 now but don't see what it has to do with security

Score: 149

I misplaced something at the office. A nice man in a turban helped me locate it. I guess it's true what they say. Sikh and you shall find.

(edit: same man teased me about the pronunciation. It was good natured, but it was still a Sikh burn)

(also a comma)

Score: 143

My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists

Score: 125

My wife called me on Valentine's Day She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."

I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."

Score: 107

I just won a reward for most secretive person in the office. I can't tell you how much that means to me.

Score: 85

I overheard a midget complaining to a police officer that his pocket had been picked. The officer said 'I can't believe anyone would stoop that low'

Score: 84

"3 times 6 is still 18" apparently **isn't** what the officer wanted to hear.

Score: 80

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office building 20 minutes later my boss caught me and two kids smoking outside the office building.

Score: 74

The boss tells one of his jokes and everyone burst out laughing in the office. Except for one guy. When asked "Why didn't you laugh?"
He responded " I don't work here"

Score: 70

So... a German is getting ready to enter in a plane to Poland. "Occupation?" - The officer asks.
"Occupation? No! I'm here to visit!"

Score: 63

The officer said “You’re staggering.” I said “You’re quite handsome yourself.”
We both laughed and laughed.
I need bail money.

Score: 59

A British man enters customs at an Australian airport. The officer asks
"Do you have a criminal record?"
The man looks confused and replies
"No, do I still need one?"

Score: 57

A German is at the border to go to Poland. The officer asks him:

Name?

Hans Gruber.

Address?

123 SpiegelStrasse, Berlin

Occupation?

Nein, just visiting.

Score: 54

Why is Christmas just like another day in the office? Because you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Score: 51

An electron is speeding down the highway when a police officer pulls him over. The officer walks up to the car and asks, "do you know how fast you were going."

The electron replies, "Yeah, but now I'm lost."

Score: 50

I got arrested for doing calculus drunk. The officer told me to never drink and derive.

Score: 46

Why is a day at the office the same as Christmas? Because you do all the work, and the fat guy with the suit gets all of the credit.

Score: 45

A man attempting to piss in public is apprehended by a police officer... The officer asks him, "Sir, do you realize this is against the law?"

The man replies, "No, sir, it's against the wall."

Score: 42

If you're going to drink and drive, always carry a flask in your car If you get pulled over for a DUI, put the flask in your lap, suspiciously​ insist that it's "water," and that's when the officer finds out that's it's chloroform.

Score: 38

Strange new trend at the office People are putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.

Score: 37

Popular Topics

New The Office Jokes

Why did the hockey player hate his desk job at the ice skating rink? Because he was in the office part of the building

Score: 2

I was pulled over by a police officer for drink driving. He said walk down the path in a straight line, 3 yards into the walk, the officer said, "You're staggering" I said, "you're quite handsome yourself" We just laughed and laughed. Now I need bail money.

Score: 6

A man made out of basalt attacks a woman. She files charges and the officer asks the guy, "Why did you basalt her?" He replies saying that she made him too hard.

Score: 1

A man driving 200mph was stopped by the police He said "I'm sorry officer, was I driving too fast?"
The officer replied "no sir, flying too low"

Score: 3

Moron and Trouble are playing hide and seek Moron goes and hide behind a police car. The ploice officer asks: "What is your name kid?" "Moron" says moron. To which the officer awnsers: "are you looking for trouble?" "No, sir. Trouble's looking for me!

Score: 3

A man who called the police said... Officer please help me! There are dead bodies everywhere!!!! The officer responded: please calm down sir and keep your nerves, where are you right now? The man answered: at a graveyard

Score: 2

An officer observes a woman standing in the middle of the street. He approaches her and asks, "Are you okay?"

The woman replies, "Yes, but how do I get to the hospital?"

The officer replies, "Just keep standing there."

Score: 3

Today I swapped all the m and n keys in the office Everyone will think I’m a nomster

Score: 11

First thing I do Monday mornings when I get to the office is switch the regular and decaf coffee. Then I make myself a cup of tea and watch pandemonium ensue.

Score: 2

The Englishman goes through Australian immigration The Englishman goes through Australian immigration, the officer looks at his form and asks him "Do you have a criminal record?" The Englishman replies "Is that still a requirement?"

Score: 9

My colleagues took April Fools Day pretty seriously this year Over a month and a half of going into the office and they're all still hiding from me

Score: 23

A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen Upon leaving the mans apartment, the officer found the mans bag at the bottom of the stairwell

it was a brief case

Credit to : u/CommonSchemeForYou

Score: 4

Forgot the salad dressing on the office lunch run I’m still riddled with vinaigrette regret

Score: 1

The officer was blunt about what happens to marijuana smokers He takes them to the joint.

Score: 4

I got pulled over for speeding on the Motorway last week... The officer didn’t seem to pleased when I told him I was trying to get back to 1955

Score: 2

I hate how we have to be politically correct at the office. My boss said we shouldn't use the term "black" because it's not very professional. So during coffee break, I asked him: *"How African-American do you like your coffee?"*

Score: 3

Me and my buddy Jack got a job at a warehouse... Things got slow and the boss called me into the office.He told me that he was going to have to either lay me or Jack off. I told him to jack off. He's not my type.

Score: 2

If I had a dollar for every time this female coworker said something sexist in the office. I wouldn't feel surprised for receiving the credit and compensation for her ideas.

Score: 2

How did the Guy who got fired, still turn up to the Office next day? He got fired from the job centre.

Score: 1

A woman runs into a police station She yells to the police officer "Help! Help! I've been graped!"



The officer replies "Don't you mean raped?"



She says "No! There was a bunch of 'em!"

Score: 3

I got fired from the unemployment office today my boss said “clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on monday”

Score: 8

CDC PR REPORT: Always be sure to refer to novel coronavirus by its correct name COVID19 From the office of Dr. Woo Han Phlu

Score: 2

What do gamers and Asians in ‘the office’ have in common They both hate Ping







Sorry if you don’t watch the office

Score: 2

Why was the journalist crumpled up on the office floor in tears? Because the editor removed his colon.

Score: 2

I don't understand why people are so upset about President Trump playing Golf. The More time he is away from the office the better.

Score: 13

Delivery... A delivery guy turns up at the office the other day with a big roll of bubble wrap.
"Where do yo want this, sir?"
Without thinking I replied, "Just pop it in the corner."

Took him three hours.

Badoom tish.

Score: 8

I asked my contortionist friend why she always come late in the office. She said she's working on flexi sched.

Score: 1

I was arrested the other day for wearing nothing but saran wrap underwear in public. The officer said he was going to put me on a 72-hour psychiatric hold.

When I asked him why, he said, "I can clearly see you're nuts."

Score: 8

What do you call Jim from The Office rolling down a hill? A tuna roll

Score: 12

Heisenberg gets pulled over by a cop on his way to work. The officer approaches his window and says "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?" "No, but I know where I am"

Score: 7

A rookie officer was under investigation for shooting a man who was on fire trying to wave him down In the officer's defense, the man was waving firearms at him

Score: 1

A man with a lisp was accused of a crime while he was camping While being investigated, he told the officers that he wasn't guilty of the crime...
He was... In-a-tent.

Score: 2

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office

Score: 3

Clowns to the left of me. Jokers to the right. Here I am.... Not dressed up for the office party.

Score: 1

How many cops does it take to change a broken lightbulb? None. The officers beat the room for being black and arrest the bulb for being broke.

Score: 3

A black slave escaped with a wheel of cheese. The owner was being interviewed by southern law enforcement where he asked: "will you be able to find him?" Which the officer replied: Can't say but one things for sure, he Nacho Negro.

Score: 2

My boss warned me that I shouldn’t blow the whistle in the office anymore. He gave me one last chance. But unfortunately, I blew it

Score: 3

What do you call a monkey that's a fan of The Office? A Jim-Pam-zee.

Score: 2

I got pulled over for speeding The officer said, “Do you know how fast you were going. This lane is for passing!”

I said, “Yes officer, and I was passing everybody!”

Score: 4

Why dont witches wear panties? So they can grip their broom better.


I know,I know.I posted this a few weeks back but because Halloween is coming up I thought maybe you might want to pass this around the office,bar,whatever.

Score: 3

Today at school I got two people to ask me what ligma is The first one sent me to the office and the second one sent me home

Score: 2

I asked a young lady at the office to bring me a newspaper Then I got a lecture about this generation's advanced technology and how old and obsolete I am... At last she gave me her smartphone.

Long story short -
Fly's dead.
Phone's broken.
Girl's crying.

Score: 2

To the officer forcibly confiscating my drugs: I’ve got to hand it to you.

Score: 2

The office threw me a party for my 32nd birthday... The party didn't last very long either.

Score: 3

So I asked my grandma where the office is located to take my grandpa for his Alzheimer’s appointment She forgot. Guess the appointments for 2 now.

Score: 1

To the person at the office who stole my chair yet again Whoever you are, Im not going to stand for this!

Score: 36

A woman is speeding on a country road when she gets pulled over by a cop The officer approaches her window and says "I have been waiting for you all day."
Then the woman says to the man "I'm so sorry officer, I got here as fast as I could!"

Score: 1

A police officer pulled over Werner Heisenberg. The officer said “I clocked you going 75.”

Heisenberg replied “Great, now I’m Lost!”

Score: 9

"The Constitution says I have the right to bear arms," I told the officer and he said, "where's the rest of the bear?"

Score: 3

I got pulled over this morning. The officer asked me if I had a police record. I told him “no sir, but I’ve got some Sting albums”

Score: 12

When I visited the White House the other day I was inspired to run for the office of President. Unfortunately, Secret Service tackled me before I got there.

Score: 6

Yesterday an aircraft hit my house. When the officer asked about the damage everything seemed plane obvious to me.


I'm sorry.

Score: 2

Overheard at the office today: “I love Moe’s. I told my husband I should’ve married a Mexican.”

I hope he replied “yea and I should’ve got a wife that didn’t get fat so quickly”.

Score: 1

A Sergeant-Major asks his platoon whether any of them are interested in music When four hands go up, the Sergeant-Major says "Right, lads! You can carry this grand piano up to the officers' mess."

Score: 5

Who's the coolest doctor in the office? The hip consultant.

Score: 5

I used to work in the office at a stationery firm but I quit. I felt it wasn't going anywhere.

Score: 4

Why was the astronaut out of the office in the afternoon? Because he was out to launch!

Score: 2

Hilarious Job Interview Answer **Interviewer :** Why did you leave your last job ..?
**Guy :** The company shifted the office and didn't tell me where it is....

Score: 14

The officer strolled up to my driver side window and angrily asked, "Sir, have you been drinking? Your eyes are red." I looked up at him and inquired, "Officer, have you been eating donuts? Your eyes are glazed."

Score: 2

Two coworkers in the office: "How did it end? the fight with your wife?"

"She came crawling to me."

"And what did she say?"

"You're gonna have to hit me with the shovel harder than that!"

Score: 8

There’s a strange new trend in my office. People are naming food in the office refrigerator.

Today I had a turkey sandwich called Betty!

Score: 10

Popular Topics