My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!" I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."
As a security guard, my Boss said my job is to watch the office I’m on season 6 so far, and not sure what this has to do with security.
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It’s bec..."
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office
I was pulled over last night and the officer asked me if I had a police record. I told him “no but I have a couple albums by Sting.
A drunk wakes up in jail and asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?" "For drinking." replies the officer. "Great!" slurs the man. "When do we start?"
One of the girls in the office where I work is going to be having a baby. I just haven't decided which one yet.
Why is Christmas like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
My boss came storming in to the office this morning, yelling that he’ll fire the employee with the worst posture... I have a hunch it might be me...
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?"
Inmate: it's bec..
Inmate: I think i have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can i please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
My boss noticed I shaved before coming in to the office today then he told me if i wanted to keep my job I would have to start keeping my pants on
My boss told me "As a security guard, its your job to watch the office".... I'm on season 6 now but don't see what it has to do with security
I misplaced something at the office. A nice man in a turban helped me locate it. I guess it's true what they say.
Sikh and you shall find.
(edit: same man teased me about the pronunciation. It was good natured, but it was still a Sikh burn)
(also a comma)
My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists
My wife called me on Valentine's Day
She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous."
I said, "Well that's probably why they've received flowers then."
The boss tells one of his jokes and everyone burst out laughing in the office. Except for one guy.
When asked "Why didn't you laugh?"
He responded " I don't work here"
The officer said “You’re staggering.”
I said “You’re quite handsome yourself.”
We both laughed and laughed.
I need bail money.
Why is Christmas just like another day in the office? Because you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Why is a day at the office the same as Christmas? Because you do all the work, and the fat guy with the suit gets all of the credit.
Strange new trend at the office People are putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
Criminal on the electric chair. The officer ask: Any last wishes? The criminal: Please hold my hand...
To the person at the office who stole my chair yet again Whoever you are, Im not going to stand for this!
This woman is trying to get me fired for giving inappropriate massages in the office. Good luck with that, lady. I don't even work here.
Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office." Doctor: "Turn him around. Make it look like he was walking in."
Why do we call the office printer Bob Marley? Cause it's always Jammin'
We got a new whiteboard at the office today... It's remarkable!
A guy's boss who is traveling calls him and asks, "Is everything okay at the office?"
"Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Of course, what is it?"
"Hurry up and take your shot, I'm behind you on the 7th hole."
The officer told me: "You're staggering".
I said: "You're quite handsome yourself"
We just laughed and laughed.
^^I ^^need ^^bail ^^money.
Heard this from my History Professor.
Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.
Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.
People in the office always complain about the a/c being too strong but I'm totally cool with it
I just put my phone on airplane mode and threw it across the office Worst transformer ever.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
A coworker is showing a new hire around.
A coworker is showing the latest company hire around the office. “How long have you worked here?” the new hire asks.
“Ever since they threatened to fire me,” the coworker answers.
What did the Office of Admissions say to the recently-accepted Urology student? "Ur-ine!"
I used to think hard work beats luck.. until a leprechaun banged my wife while I was at the office
A Therapist is complaining to his friend about not having any clients His friend replies it may have something to do with putting his profession on the office door in such large font that it had to be broken into two words.
Two cops speeding to an incident
The officer driving asks his partner to check if the lights on the roof are working.
His partner sticks his head out of the window and then replies,
"......yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no......"
Why was the astronaut out of the office in the afternoon? Because he was out to launch!
Today at school I got two people to ask me what ligma is The first one sent me to the office and the second one sent me home
Why was the sugar out of the office? Because it was on granule leave!
How did the Guy who got fired, still turn up to the Office next day? He got fired from the job centre.
CDC PR REPORT: Always be sure to refer to novel coronavirus by its correct name COVID19 From the office of Dr. Woo Han Phlu
I'm really delighted that I received more than 20 boquets of roses with balloons from different people for Valentine's Day! and as the receptionist I had to search for all the recepients in the office 😂
A black slave escaped with a wheel of cheese. The owner was being interviewed by southern law enforcement where he asked: "will you be able to find him?" Which the officer replied: Can't say but one things for sure, he Nacho Negro.
So I asked my grandma where the office is located to take my grandpa for his Alzheimer’s appointment She forgot. Guess the appointments for 2 now.
A woman is speeding on a country road when she gets pulled over by a cop
The officer approaches her window and says "I have been waiting for you all day."
Then the woman says to the man "I'm so sorry officer, I got here as fast as I could!"
The officer strolled up to my driver side window and angrily asked, "Sir, have you been drinking? Your eyes are red." I looked up at him and inquired, "Officer, have you been eating donuts? Your eyes are glazed."
Maintaining the respectability of the office is the top priority of President Trump 's staff.
Who ever you are Not Me, one day we will finally catch you. I mean how many times do you see innocent people being arrested even though they tell the officer, it was Not Me. Not Me did it!!
Christmas is like a normal day at the office. You do all the work, but the fat man in a suit gets all the credit.
I'm going to make sure to get in a good workout before going to the office Christmas party. They're having an ugly sweater contest.
I talked my way out of a speeding ticket today I was going 90 on a country road and the officer pulled me over walked over to my car and said "I've been waiting for you all day" I said "im sorry officer I got here as fast as I could"
Deathrow's last meal The officer asks the inmate what would be his last meal . The inmate replies " I want mangos". Officer says,"its not mango season yet". Inmate says, "I guess I would just have to wait "
A Black Person and a Mexican are in a car, who's driving? the officer.
There is a Mexican, a black person, a muslim, and a gipsy in a car. Who drives it? The officer.
Is the officer from the McKinney police video... Applying for the role of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 3? That recovery off the tuck and roll was impeccable.