Chinese Jokes


Funniest Chinese Jokes

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

Score: 19827
Funny Chinese Jokes
Score: 15884

Two Chinese dudes break into a distillery. One says to the other “is this Whiskey?” The other says “yes but not as Whiskey as wobbing a bank”.

Score: 12648

I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Score: 12405

I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China He said he couldn't complain.

Score: 12208

Chinese takeout $30.00…gas to pick it up $20.00… Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers…


Score: 10241

Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

Score: 9911

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

Score: 9572

UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout

EDIT: if i see one more comment that says "knuckle sandwich" i will kidnap all of you and put you on flight 3411

Score: 5725

How much do Chinese dumplings weigh? Wonton.

Score: 3940

I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles. You know...heroin.

Score: 2541

A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother... They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!

They named him Ravi O. Lee


Score: 2538

Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers: Riceless

Edit: Just got back from incubating eggs to find out my brother now knows my username.Thank you.

Score: 2241

How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.

Score: 1961

An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy And asks 'where's ya bin mate'
The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!'
The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin'
The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been wanking'

Score: 1908

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity She kept screaming "I'm Wei Tu Yung" like I was supposed to know the name.

Score: 1712

When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend But it was just my imaginasian.

Score: 1674

Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.

Score: 1439

I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

Score: 1190

How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian? Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented

Score: 1055

My Chinese son was born before his due date We called him Sudden Lee

Score: 1021

What has TWO wings, and ONE arrow? A Chinese telephone.

Wing wing. Arrow?

Score: 946

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world? Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

Score: 933

Who says building a border wall won’t work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don’t have any Mexicans.

Score: 864

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.

Score: 796

Chinese takeout, $15.00, gas to get there, $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes. Riceless.

Score: 746

I got an iPad from my chinese friend... I love homemade gifts!

Score: 700

Got an IPad from my chinese friend... Nothing beats homemade gifts.

Score: 693

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster? A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Score: 684

Chinese kid was born before the due date Parents named him Sudden Lee.

Score: 629

My Chinese friend died the other day... So Yung.

Score: 402

I threw a Chinese man down the stairs... It was Wong on so many levels.

Score: 360

What do you call Jehova's Witnesses in Chinese Ding Dong

Score: 281

What are Jehova Witnesses called in Chinese? Ding Dong!

Score: 245

A 14 year old Chinese boy walks into a bar He goes up to the the bar and signals the bartender
"I'll have a pint please"

The bartender looks him up and down and laughs
"You're way too young!"

"How you know my name!"

Score: 245

What's the name of the fastest Chinese online game player? Lo Ping

Score: 232

I don't get why Japanese people and South Korean people just can't get along. I mean, they're all Chinese.

Score: 222

There is one thing that United got right: their food is just great. I hear they even serve a Chinese take-out now.

Score: 222

If adam and eve were Chinese Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.

Score: 210

Have you heard about the patient Chinese man? Wae Ting

Score: 148

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New Chinese Jokes

Have you heard the old Chinese proverb about the importance of teamwork when repairing lamps? 'Many hands make light work'

Score: 14

The owner of a Chinese restaurant is doing his wife He says I want 69. His wife replies why you want beef and broccoli right now?

Score: 10

A man goes to a restaurant.. A man goes to a restaurant and is ready to order
' So what would you have, sir?'

Yes, I would like to order lasagna please

'Sir.. this is a Chinese restaurant..'

Oh I'm so sorry! I would rike to order the rasagna prease!

Score: 19

What do Chinese men do when they have an erection? They go voting.

Score: 17

How do you call an unexpected Chinese guy? Sudden-Lee

Score: 12

I've been so stressed lately. I've been doing that Chinese remedy, with the needles You know, Heroin

Score: 70

What do you do if there are too many bright lights at your Chinese restaurant? Dim some

Score: 10

What do you call it when a Chinese ghost hits you with a stick? Bam! *Boo*!

Score: 53

Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar. I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art.

He said, “Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I’m Chinese?!”

“No it’s because you’re drinking MY beer!“

Score: 14

I just had dinner at a Chinese-German fusion restaurant a couple of hours ago The food was great but now I'm hungry for power.

Score: 24

I threw a Chinese guy down the stairs It was Wong on so many levels

Score: 56

Chinese in the bar Last night a Chinese guy came to my favorite bar.

I asked him if he knew Kung Fu or some other martial art.

He said, “Why do you ask me that? Is it just because I’m Chinese?!”

“No it’s because you’re drinking MY beer!“

Score: 16

Chinese takeout, $15.00, gas to get there, $1.50. Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes. Riceless.

Score: 87

My Chinese wife kicked me out because I wouldn't get off my Chinese phone. She said it's Mai Wei or the Huawei.

Score: 30

I ordered 1000 kg of Chinese soup It was won ton.

Score: 46

A Chinese man stumbles home late one night really drunk... Seeing his wife at the top of the stairs he says "hey baby how about a little number 69!"

The wife replies, "you drunk sonofabitch, make your own Mongolian Beef Stew!"

Score: 20

The Great Wall Of China Is Famous Because it's the only Chinese product that lasted this long.

Score: 59

How do you tell the difference between Chinese and Japanese people? A Geiger counter usually does the trick

Score: 24

How do you distinguish between a Japanese guy and a Chinese guy? Use a Geiger Counter.

Score: 12

what do you call a rich Chinese man? Cha Ching

Score: 39

If your girl can cook Chinese marry her because Schezwan of a kind.

Score: 83

I got into an argument with a chinese man... He was Wong I was white.

Score: 10

How Long is a Chinese name It really is.

Score: 71

A Chinese man wakes up on the beach with no memory. He says he thinks his name is Fred. But I think he might be Wong.

Score: 16

Two Chinese Guys Break Into a Distillery The one guy looks to his friend and asks: "Is it whiskey?"

His friend replies: "Yea, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank."

Score: 36

On old wise Chinese man once said: Better to have a hole in your hand than a hand in your hole.

Score: 11

How many Chinese kids does it take to make a leather jacket? Usually about 7, but maybe fewer if you fatten them up first.

Score: 33

I decided to try the ancient Chinese practice of using needles to get rid of back pain… The heroin worked a treat for me.

Score: 21

“It’s about time I told you an important thing,” I said to my 15 year old son. “What is it dad?” He asked.

“You were adopted,” I murmured.

“That’s impossible!” He exclaimed, “We look the same.”

“Well,” I replied, “That’s because we are Chinese.”

Score: 10

Have you seen United Airline's on-board menu? I heard their Chinese take-out was especially famous.

Score: 11

A Chinese family's dog ran away one night ...Thanksgiving was ruined.

Score: 21

How Long is a Chinese name Its a pretty common name actually

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How do you make a Chinese person blind? Put a windshield in front of them.

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My grandma is kind of like the Chinese government. Visitors only see the nice china.

Score: 119

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chau-Chou. But I think it's Colin.

Score: 34

What do Chinese men do when they have an erection? They go vote

Score: 21

What's United's favorite meal? Chinese takeout

Score: 10

United Airlines pays "enormous sum to Dr. Dao who they dragged of plane" Largest bill for Chinese take out to date

Score: 36

Did you hear about the award United Airlines just got? They were voted best in Chinese takeaway!

Score: 10

How Long is a Chinese man We went to school together

Score: 63

I was sitting in the Chinese restaurant, thinking about how duckling means little duck... So I canceled my order of dumplings.

Score: 15

A wise Chinese monk once said, "If the dog barks... it's not cooked well enough."

Score: 85

I have a Chinese friend with really bad internet His name is Hai Ping

Score: 120

I should have been more suspicious when the Chinese guy offered to “wok my dog for me”…

Score: 14

Chinese parents give birth to girl [removed]

Source: im a chinaman
Edit: im a chinaman

Score: 89

Where do Chinese babies come from? VaChina.

Mom and Dad, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry.

Score: 10

If Adam and Eve were chinese they would have stayed in paradise Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple.

Score: 17

How many Chinese men does it take to make a Smartphone? I dunno, ask the Kids.

Score: 11

What's the difference between racism and the chinese people? Racism has many faces...

Score: 39

The lights at the Chinese restaurant were too bright... ... so the manager had to dim sum

Score: 33

I don't know why people say building a wall doesn't work The chinese did it 2000 years ago and they still don't have any mexicans.

Score: 88

What do you call a chinese food truck? A Wok in the Park

Score: 11

What's thr difference between the chinese and racism? Racism has many faces.

Score: 91

What's the difference between racism and chinese people? Racism has many faces.

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Little kids will do anything for five bucks. Just ask a Chinese factory

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What do you call a Chinese underage hooker? Sum Yung Ho

Score: 40

Why do Chinese knights have a low rate of survival? They all have chinks in their armor.

Score: 18

I told a Chinese guy that they always smell like Chinese food. He said "aw that's lo, mein."

Score: 52

Chinese girls just aren't that into me. I wish I had more of a Tai Pei personality.

Score: 11

How can you tell difference between Chinese & Japanese? With Geiger counter.

Score: 28

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