Chinese Jokes

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Funniest Chinese Jokes

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

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Funny Chinese Jokes
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Two Chinese dudes break into a distillery. One says to the other “is this Whiskey?” The other says “yes but not as Whiskey as wobbing a bank”.

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I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

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I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China He said he couldn't complain.

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Chinese takeout $30.00…gas to pick it up $20.00… Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers…

Riceless

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Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

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What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

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UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout





EDIT: if i see one more comment that says "knuckle sandwich" i will kidnap all of you and put you on flight 3411

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How much do Chinese dumplings weigh? Wonton.

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I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles. You know...heroin.

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A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother... They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!

They named him Ravi O. Lee

Sorry

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Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers: Riceless

Edit: Just got back from incubating eggs to find out my brother now knows my username.Thank you.

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How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.

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An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy And asks 'where's ya bin mate'
The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!'
The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin'
The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been wanking'

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I think I banged a Chinese celebrity She kept screaming "I'm Wei Tu Yung" like I was supposed to know the name.

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When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend But it was just my imaginasian.

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Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.

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I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

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How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian? Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented

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My Chinese son was born before his due date We called him Sudden Lee

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What has TWO wings, and ONE arrow? A Chinese telephone.



Wing wing. Arrow?

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Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world? Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

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Who says building a border wall won’t work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don’t have any Mexicans.

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I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.

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Chinese takeout, $15.00, gas to get there, $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes. Riceless.

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I got an iPad from my chinese friend... I love homemade gifts!

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Got an IPad from my chinese friend... Nothing beats homemade gifts.

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Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster? A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

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Chinese kid was born before the due date Parents named him Sudden Lee.

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What do you call Jehova's Witnesses in Chinese Ding Dong

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What are Jehova Witnesses called in Chinese? Ding Dong!

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I don't know why people say building a wall doesn't work The chinese did it 2000 years ago and they still don't have any mexicans.

Score: 88

A wise Chinese monk once said, "If the dog barks... it's not cooked well enough."

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I told a Chinese guy that they always smell like Chinese food. He said "aw that's lo, mein."

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How can you tell difference between Chinese & Japanese? With Geiger counter.

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If Adam and Eve were chinese they would have stayed in paradise Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple.

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I hear the Star Wars universe is so advanced, you can get Chinese food directly over the internet... They use an e-wok.

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Little kids will do anything for five bucks. Just ask a Chinese factory

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Why do Chinese people get good grades in maths? Because their dogs don't eat their homework

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New Chinese Jokes

What's the difference between Carol Baskins and the Chinese? Carol Baskins feeds PEOPLE to CATS.

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A Chinese with Bad internet Xi Jin | Ping 999 |

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I got a container full of Chinese today Sadly it was all frozen

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What is Chinese term for diplomacy? Xiplomacy

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Nike and Colin Kaepernick got down on one knee for the American flag. But Nike got down on both knees for the Chinese flag.

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I’ve officially decided to boycott all Chinese products Sent from my iPhone

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I got rear-ended the other day and my neck still hurts. I think I'm going to they that Chinese thing with the needles... You know...heroin.

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Need help for kidnapping If I kidnap a Chinese, can I cover up his eyes with laces?

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What do you call it when the Chinese government massacres their own people? Chinese pride


(I'm an ABC)

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An American and a Chinese man are talking politics American: In America we can openly criticize the president, can you do that in China?

Chinese Man: No, but in China we can openly support the president, can you do that in America?

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The 2000 Chinese women's gymnastics team had to surrender their bronze medal after it was discovered that Dong Fangxiao was younger than the minimum age of 16. They would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for those medalling kids.

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Why do Chinese people like to play werewolf so much? It's the only time they can vote to voice their opinions

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NYPD officers brutally beat chinese immigrant after he refused to tell them his name "I lost faith in humanity", said Fak Yu.

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I have just met a Chinese drug addict. He said 'Have you seen my cocaine?'

I said ' Not since he starred in Zulu'

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What did the Chinese man say after he ate a bad chicken wing? Wing wong.

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A Chinese couple are in bed fooling around. The husband says " I wanna sixty-nine!" The wife says "You want Beef and Broccoli now?"

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What do you call a chinese dog that is running? Fast food.

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What do Chinese people call dogs? Tasty.

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As a Chinese immigrant living in the states for a while, I can't help but feel like I'm less asian I guess I'm just disoriented

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Chinese politics must be awesome! I mean... Who wouldn't want an entire day dedicated to "erections"?

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What did Putin order? Chinese takeout

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The owner of a Chinese restaurant is doing his wife He says I want 69. His wife replies why you want beef and broccoli right now?

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What do you call a crazy song chorus about Chinese food? An Insane lo main refrain

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Our friend Ty is the state boxing champion, but my Chinese buddy refuses to believe it. The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty Won.

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I was cooking Chinese food down in Yosemite ... It was a Wok in the park.

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I had a terrible headache in a Chinese restaurant last night and asked for them to turn off the lights or just dim sum.

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What does Lorena Bobbitt use to eat Chinese food? Chopdicks.

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What sound does a Chinese goose make? Hong Kong!

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What do you call it when you’re constipated after eating Chinese food? Hung Chow.

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What did the Chinese statistician use to tally the number of Swedish bands? An ABBAcus

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Racist joke I heard from The Sopranos A Chinese man walks into the eye doctors

The doctor said “I know why you have trouble seeing, you have a cataract.”

The Chinese man said “No, I drive a Lincoln.”

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What is Kevin Spaceys favorite chinese menu item? Sum yung gai

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What do United Airlines and an Asian restaurant have in common? Chinese take out.

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What do you call Chinese Sign Language? Handarin.

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What food does United Airlines serve? Chinese take out.

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Sheriff's deputys wrangle wayward Llamas in Vacaville, California Not to be confused with chinese sheriff's deputies trying to wrangle a lama for long long time. That one is a different breed called "Dalai".

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A Chinese man goes to an optometrist complaining of blurriness in one eye The optometrist examines him and says "You have a cataract."

To which the Chinese man replies "Noh, I drive Lincoln Coninenal."

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I've been so stressed that I started doing that Chinese needle therapy. You know the one... Heroin.

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A Chinese couple are laying in bed... Him- "I wanna 69!"

Her- "You want beef with broccoli now???"

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Kim Jong-un makes an urgent call to his top General... "When I said 'Nuke the Chinese' I meant heat up last night's take-away!"

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Every province in China has its own, unique foods. Panda Chinese Kitchen comes from the Heatlamp province.

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How do you render a Chinese man blind? Put dental floss over their eyes.

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We're two days into the Chinese New Year, the year of the rooster and I'm still writing year of the monkey on my checks

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What do they owners of a Chinese Food restaurant do if the lights are too bright? Dim Sum.

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What are Jehovah witnesses called in Chinese? Dind Dong

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Why couldn't the Chinese geologist find a date? He was vehemently opposed to wrong rocks on the beach.

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If American dogs dig holes to China, where do Chinese dogs dig holes to? Nowhere, slaughterhouses have concrete floors.

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What did Picard say when Riker asked him what kind of Chinese food he wanted? "Make it Tso's Number One."

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Why are there no white chinese people? It's because two Wongs don't make a white.

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How's the new Chinese restaurant downtown? Eh...


It's tso-tso.

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You know what they say when you gamble with Chinese food, you dim sum, you lose some.

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Why cant you make fun of Chinese people? Because its just wong

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Why can't two Chinese couples make a white baby? Because two Wongs don't make a White.

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I took adderall next to a box of fortune cookies... And now I'm fluent in Chinese.

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NEVER challenge a chinese man If he says he can do something in the blink of an eye, chances are he's gonna be quicker than you.

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How much did Juan weigh after eating Chinese food? Juan ton

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What kind of chinese food goes on adventures? Crab ragoonies

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So someone dropped a Chinese baby in a toilet? My advice is to pop it in a bag of rice overnight...

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What do you get when you cross a duck and a cat? A Chinese restaurant's newest entree!

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Chinese girls just aren't that into me. I wish I had more of a Tai Pei personality.

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