Chinese Jokes

Contents

Funniest Chinese Jokes

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

Funny Chinese Jokes

Two Chinese dudes break into a distillery. One says to the other “is this Whiskey?” The other says “yes but not as Whiskey as wobbing a bank”.

I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China He said he couldn't complain.

Chinese takeout $30.00…gas to pick it up $20.00… Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers…

Riceless

Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout





EDIT: if i see one more comment that says "knuckle sandwich" i will kidnap all of you and put you on flight 3411

How much do Chinese dumplings weigh? Wonton.

Who has two thumbs and isn't afraid of the Chinese Government? This guy. Edit: 1 thumb

Edit:0thumbs

I told a joke about Coronavirus and nobody laughed Except that Chinese kid in the back. He got it.

I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles. You know...heroin.

Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers: Riceless

Edit: Just got back from incubating eggs to find out my brother now knows my username.Thank you.

How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.

An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy And asks 'where's ya bin mate'
The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!'
The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin'
The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been wanking'

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity She kept screaming "I'm Wei Tu Yung" like I was supposed to know the name.

When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend But it was just my imaginasian.

Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.

I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian? Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented

My Chinese son was born before his due date We called him Sudden Lee

What has TWO wings, and ONE arrow? A Chinese telephone.



Wing wing. Arrow?

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world? Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

Who says building a border wall won’t work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don’t have any Mexicans.

I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.

Chinese takeout, $15.00, gas to get there, $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes. Riceless.

I got an iPad from my chinese friend... I love homemade gifts!

Got an IPad from my chinese friend... Nothing beats homemade gifts.

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster? A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Chinese kid was born before the due date Parents named him Sudden Lee.

I heard a bunch of Chinese people chanting "We want rights! We want rights!" They must be scared of the dark or something.

I told a Coronavirus joke to a group of people Everyone eventually got it, but the Chinese guy, he got it right off the bat.

What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera? Phil Ming

How come Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa? Because they’re the one who make the toys.

My Chinese friend died the other day... So Yung.

What do you call a rich Chinese person ? cha ching

Why are Chinese kids so good at math? Because their dog doesn’t eat their homework

What has two wings and an arrow? A Chinese telephone

I threw a Chinese man down the stairs... It was Wong on so many levels.

Popular Topics

New Chinese Jokes

As a landlord, the most laid-back renters I ever had were a Chinese restaurant. They were lo mein tenants.

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong person. Oh wait, that wasn't my waiter

I was chopping up some leftover dumplings from my soup at a Chinese restaurant when suddenly it hit me... I was engaging in acts of wonton destruction.

Why is it that chinese kids don’t believe in santa? Because they’re the ones making the toys!

Chinese takeout, £15.00, petrol to get there, £1.50, getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes. Riceless.

Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “*Use the forks, Luke.*”

Chinese takeout: $8. Tip :$2. Getting home and finding out that they forgot part of your order: riceless.

A shy horse wants to go to the bar and have a drink. But he does not want to be seen in public. So he puts on a a donkey mask. Wearing the donkey mask, the horse walks into the bar.

The Chinese bartender says, "Hey, why the wrong face?"

Have you heard what happened with that Chinese lab in Wuhan? **They ate him.**

I ordered Chinese food yesterday. Small Chinese delivery driver comes to the door, so I walked out to meet him. He started shouting "isolate, isolate." I said no you're not I only ordered 25 minutes ago!

Ordered a Chinese earlier in the day. The Chinese driver pulls up and walks to the door. I walked out to meet him and he started shouting, "Isolate isolate!" I said, "Calm down dude, you're not that late. I only ordered it half an hour ago!"

Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus? Because they made the toys

A Pakistani man found the image of prophet Muhammad in his tub of margarine. He showed it to his Chinese neighbour who said

"I cannot believe it's not Buddha"

Corona virus is just like pasta The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.

A wise Chinese man once said, "If a dog barks .. ... it's undercooked"

I just cannot get into reading chinese fiction There are just too many characters...

What's the difference between kung pao and the coronavirus? One's Chinese take out, the other takes out Chinese.

Recently started dating a chinese girl but not sure if I want to keep going. She’s been raising a lot of red flags.

Three Chinese brothers emigrated to the U.S. They were told to change their names, Bu, Chu, and Fu, into names sounding more familiar for American ears, so Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck, and Fu went back to China.

What do you call a group of 6 Chinese tourists in a small car? A Six pack of Corona Extra.

Why did China cancel Chinese New Years? Everybody was kung-flu fighting.

Why do Chinese kids not believe in Santa ? Because they make the Toys

How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh? Wonton.

Why don’t Chinese people believe in Santa clause? Because they are the ones who make the toys

What has two wings and a halo? A Chinese phone.

*wing wing* “Halo?”

In China, film makers have to appease the Chinese censors, but people forget in America we have the same thing... We also have to appease the Chinese censors.

What did one Chinese man say to the other Chinese man? (Censored)

i took my depressed friend a chinese take-away to try and cheer him up, but when i passed him the soy sauce he just burst into tears i'd forgot, you should never kikkoman when he's down

What do you get when you cross a social media site with a Chinese investor? [redacted]

Why are Chinese kids so good at maths? Because their dog doesn't eat their homework

I asked my Chinese friend "How is life in China" He answered "I can't complain"

I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China. He said he can't complain.

Chinese takeout $25.00... Gas to pick it up $5.00... Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers... Riceless

Blizzard just released a new dating sim Core gameplay is getting in bed with the Chinese :>

What is another name for an Asian assassin? Chinese takeout

The Chinese invented two major components of American schools. Paper and gunpowder.

A Chinese kid approaches his father and asks him: "Daddy, why do they say we all look alike?" The man replies: "Actually your father is the one over there"

How do chinese cats say hello? Mi Yao
[this is my first post here be nice pls]

I’m so tired of jokes about chinese people There’s like a billion of them and they’re all the same

My friend Ty came in first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t given the gold medal. The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.

Popular Topics

Long Chinese Jokes

A Chinese doctor can't find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.

Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."

Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."

Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."

Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."

Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"

Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"

Chinese doctor opens his new clinic.

A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.

Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."

Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."

Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."

Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."

Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"

Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"

If Trump were captain of the RMs Titanic

Captain Trump of the RMS Titanic:

There isn't any iceberg.
There was an iceberg but it's in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg but we didn't hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly.
The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg.
We are taking on water but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat, and they are beautiful lifeboats.
Look, passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want them.
We don't have any lifeboats, we're not lifeboat distributors.
Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their own lifeboats.
I really don't think we need that many lifeboats.
We have lifeboats and they're supposed to be our lifeboats, not the passengers' lifeboats.
The lifeboats were left on shore by the last captain of this ship.
Nobody could have foreseen the iceberg.

Edit: Thanks to those that awarded and enjoyed this. I didn’t know so many people would like it this much!

An American biker decides to travel the world...

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Harley, and set out to explore the globe.

For the next few weeks, Rick spent his days riding to and through some of the most popular European cities like Paris, London, and Rome.

After seeing all Europe had to offer, he moved on to explore the rest of the world.
Over the next few months, he rode through the African savannas, the deserts of Egypt, and even made it to the top of Mount Everest.

He was having the time of his life until he reached a small town in China.
Unexpectedly, and out of nowhere, a beautiful Chinese maiden crossed his path, causing him to fly off and crash his motorcycle.
Apologizing, the maiden offered Rick to pay for the repairs and a place to stay while they fixed his bike.
"My name is Yu! It's an honor to meet you!" the beautiful maiden introduced herself to Rick.

It turned out she was the daughter of a rich magistrate, so he spent the night in a small palace in the center of town.
However, due to the scarcity of motorcycle parts, Rick had to spend several days in the palace, in the presence of Yu.
Over the next few days, she took a liking to him and his strange American ways. As expected, Rick took a liking to her, too.

The two quickly became inseparable, but Yu's father did not approve, for Rick was an outsider.
By the time the motorcycle was finally up and running, Rick had fallen madly in love with Yu and refused to leave.
Yu begged her father to let him stay, but instead, the Magistrate had Rick banished from the town. He warned him if he ever came back, he would have him beheaded.

Rick was devastated, he had no motivation to continue on the rest of his journey. It seemed as though there was nothing left for him in the world, if he didn't have his beloved Chinese maiden.


So he did the only thing any other sane guy would do....

*Rick rolled* back into town screaming,

*"I'm never gonna give Yu up!"*

An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"

**An African student:** What's food?

​

**A European student:** What's scarcity?

​

**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?

​

**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?

A Chinese doctor opens his new clinic.

A Chinese doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Doctor: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.

Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."

Doctor: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."

Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."

Doctor: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."

Doctor: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."

Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"

Doctor: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20."

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hadn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down..

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what did you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise..."

"Ah! So sorry everyone," says the waiter, "I brought you Peeking Duck."

The President of the United States and the Prime minister of China are comparing their bodyguards.

The president orders his secret service agent to jump off a 40 foot platform. The agent heisitates and does so.

The prime minister immediately orders his bodyguard to do the same. The guard jumps without batting an eye.

The president, feeling a little defeated, orders his bodyguard to jump off a hundred foot platform. The agent turns to the president and, with teary eyes, pleads:"Mister president, please don't do this, I have a family!"

The president hesitates and retracts his order. The chinese minister snorts and orders the same to his body guard.The chinese bodyguard starts climbing without a second thought. The president grabs his arm and says, "Wait man, this is too much! You don't have to do this!"

The chinese bodygaurd shakes off his arm and says:"Mister president, please don't, I have family."

Edit:words.

A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at a rapid pace. Jamaal is quickly transporting the coal and the two have quite the efficient operation going.

Slowly Frank's pick begins to go dull and his shovel handle is breaking off. Jamaal's transportation cart has a rickety wheel and they need replacements from their supply man, Wong. However, Wong is nowhere to be found. In fact, no one has seen him all day long. Frustrated, Frank and Jamaal go to find the manager and explain the situation. The manager is equally upset.

The three of them go about the mine looking to find Wong. They search high and low, but Wong can't be found anywhere. Extremely frustrated and about to give up, they decide to take a look down a dark, abandoned shaft. They peak their heads in and suddenly Wong jumps out of nowhere and yells, "SUPPRIES!!!"

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from India and the third, from China.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, outraged says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence"

A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".

The Jewish Samurai

There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.

A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai.

The emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox, and out popped a bumblebee. Whoosh! went his sword. The bumblebee dropped dead, chopped in half.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive! “The emperor then issued the same challenge to the Chinese samurai, to come in and demonstrate why he should be chosen. The Chinese samurai also opened a matchbox and out buzzed a fly. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! The fly dropped dead, chopped into four small pieces.
The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"
Now the emperor turned to the Jewish samurai, and asked him to demonstrate why he should be the chief samurai. The Jewish Samurai opened a matchbox, and out flew a gnat. His flashing sword went Whoosh! But the gnat was still alive and flying around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, said, "Very ambitious, but why is that gnat not dead?"
The Jewish Samurai just smiled and said, "Circumcision is not meant to kill."

If your Doctor spoke like Trump

So it seems you’ve tested positive for the Chinese virus, the so-called Covid NINETEEN, the Corona—nobody knows what to call it, quite frankly. It’s the most amazing thing, no one knew anything about Corona until a few weeks ago.

But the moment I heard about it—the Wuhan flu; it’s also the Wuhan, or WuHAAN—that’s a city in China. Many people don’t know that. But the moment I heard about this Chinese flu, I ordered a test. And it’s an amazing test. We do better testing than anywhere in the world. Some say the Germans have the best tests, but they don’t. Our tests are even better.

So you’re positive for Corona. And usually “positive” is a positive word—it’s a very good word, frankly. Everybody thinks it’s good, apart from what you hear on the news—which is fake. It’s largely fake. But in medicine, “positive” is not so good. So it’s very confusing. And I’ve always been very clear about that. Some say “positive” is always good, but I’ve never agreed with that.

So you’re positive for the Corona. But you’ll be fine. Totally fine. You might think you’re going to die—and everybody does die, eventually. But you’ll be fine. You feel fine, right? You won’t need a ventilator. There are no ventilators—but you won’t need one.

How old are you, 55? You won’t need one. Some people need a ventilator, and they’re amazing machines. Did you know the first ventilator was made by Henry Ford? It’s an incredible piece of equipment. But you’ll be fine.

The virus gets into your lungs, which is where you breathe. But you have two of them. Some say you have a spare. Some people only have one lung. It’s true. But I don’t talk about spares. I always want both. Given a choice, I want two lungs.

So I’ve asked nurse—what’s your name, Nancy?—I’ve asked nurse Nancy to keep you comfortable. And Nancy is one of our finest nurses. I mean, just look at her. Incredible, right? Nancy, you’re really incredible. You’re not afraid of Corona, are you, the Chinese Plague? I didn’t think so. Nancy will bring you whatever you need. And if you start coughing, do that into your elbow, so you don’t make a mess. Okay, you’re doing great. I’ll see you later.

Chicken Surprise

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’,
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband. He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down..

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

‘Please sir,’ says the waiter, ‘what you order?’

The husband replies, ‘Chicken Surprise’

‘Ah! So sorry,’ says the waiter, ‘I bring you Peeking Duck

A Chinese man and a Jewish man are in an elevator..

..As they ascend floors, the Jewish man turns to the Chinese man and blurts out "You know what.. I don't like Chinese people too much." Taken back, the Chinese man asks him why. "Because you guys were responsible for Pearl Harbor!" Shocked, the Chinese man responds "That was the Japanese.." The Jew snapped back "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same."

Understandably perturbed, the Chinese man retorts: "Well you know what? I don't really like Jews too much.." Expectedly, the Jewish man asks him why. "Because you guys sunk the Titanic!" Flabbergasted, the Jewish man exclaims, "What are you talking about!? That was an iceberg.."

"Iceberg, Greenberg, Steinberg, you're all the same!"

A Chinese guy walks into a bar...

A Chinese guy walks into a bar, and sits next to Jeff, and starts drinking his beer. Jeff asks him :


• My friend, do you know any martial arts, kung fu, karate or other stuff?


• Why do you ask, is it because i'm Chinese?


• No, it's because you are drinking my beer.

Two Cows

**Edit: Just to make it clear, I am not taking credit for the joke(s). I just merely found it/them whilst browsing around and thought you guys would appreciate it/them.**



SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour



COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk



NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.

You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.

You still only have two cows.


A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A Jewish man and a Chinese man strike up a conversation...

Before long they're arguing...

Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."

Chinese man: "For what?"

Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"

Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"

Jewish man: "eh, Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"

Chinese man: "Well, you kow what? I hate you."

Jewish man: "For what?!?"

Chinese man: "The Titanic!"

Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Tatanic!"

Chinese man: "eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

A Chinese Doctor...

A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'
An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.
Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."
Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."
The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."
Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."
The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."
Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"
Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"
You can't beat Chinese Doctors

A Dutch, English and Chinese man wash up on an island

A Dutch, English and Chinese man survive a boat accident and wash up on an island. They need food, water and supplies to survive the night.
The Dutch guys says that he will gather the food, the English man will get water and the Chinese man is send for supplies.

When the Dutch and the English man come back with food and water the Chinese man is nowhere to be found. They wait a bit till they can't wait longer and start preparing the food.

The Dutch and English guy start eating and out of nowhere the Chinese guy jumps out the bushes and shouts: " SUPPLIES ".

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