Chinese Jokes


Funniest Chinese Jokes

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

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Funny Chinese Jokes
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Two Chinese dudes break into a distillery. One says to the other “is this Whiskey?” The other says “yes but not as Whiskey as wobbing a bank”.

Score: 12648

I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

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I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China He said he couldn't complain.

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Chinese takeout $30.00…gas to pick it up $20.00… Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers…


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Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

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What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

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UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout

EDIT: if i see one more comment that says "knuckle sandwich" i will kidnap all of you and put you on flight 3411

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How much do Chinese dumplings weigh? Wonton.

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I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles. You know...heroin.

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A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother... They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!

They named him Ravi O. Lee


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Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers: Riceless

Edit: Just got back from incubating eggs to find out my brother now knows my username.Thank you.

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How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.

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An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy And asks 'where's ya bin mate'
The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!'
The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin'
The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been wanking'

Score: 1908

I think I banged a Chinese celebrity She kept screaming "I'm Wei Tu Yung" like I was supposed to know the name.

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When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend But it was just my imaginasian.

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Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.

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I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

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How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian? Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented

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My Chinese son was born before his due date We called him Sudden Lee

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What has TWO wings, and ONE arrow? A Chinese telephone.

Wing wing. Arrow?

Score: 946

Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world? Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

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Who says building a border wall won’t work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don’t have any Mexicans.

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I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.

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Chinese takeout, $15.00, gas to get there, $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes. Riceless.

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I got an iPad from my chinese friend... I love homemade gifts!

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Got an IPad from my chinese friend... Nothing beats homemade gifts.

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Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster? A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Score: 684

Chinese kid was born before the due date Parents named him Sudden Lee.

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How long is a chinese person So is his brother.

Score: 54

How can you tell difference between Chinese & Japanese? With Geiger counter.

Score: 28

What's the difference between racism and chinese people? Racism has many faces.

Score: 21

If Adam and Eve were chinese they would have stayed in paradise Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple.

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Little kids will do anything for five bucks. Just ask a Chinese factory

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Why do Chinese people get good grades in maths? Because their dogs don't eat their homework

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What do you call a chinese dog that is running? Fast food.

Score: 12

The 2000 Chinese women's gymnastics team had to surrender their bronze medal after it was discovered that Dong Fangxiao was younger than the minimum age of 16. They would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for those medalling kids.

Score: 12

What did the lonely chinese man's inbox say? no msg

Score: 12

What do you call Chinese woman with one leg? Irene.

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New Chinese Jokes

What's the difference between Carol Baskins and the Chinese? Carol Baskins feeds PEOPLE to CATS.

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A Chinese with Bad internet Xi Jin | Ping 999 |

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I saw this chinese kid that looked like he had down syndrome. So I asked his parents if hes fully retarded or just dim sum.

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I got a container full of Chinese today Sadly it was all frozen

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What is Chinese term for diplomacy? Xiplomacy

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Nike and Colin Kaepernick got down on one knee for the American flag. But Nike got down on both knees for the Chinese flag.

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I’ve officially decided to boycott all Chinese products Sent from my iPhone

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I got rear-ended the other day and my neck still hurts. I think I'm going to they that Chinese thing with the needles... You know...heroin.

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Need help for kidnapping If I kidnap a Chinese, can I cover up his eyes with laces?

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What do you call it when the Chinese government massacres their own people? Chinese pride

(I'm an ABC)

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An American and a Chinese man are talking politics American: In America we can openly criticize the president, can you do that in China?

Chinese Man: No, but in China we can openly support the president, can you do that in America?

Score: 5

I know people really like Chinese Bears and jewelry, so I was gonna make a joke about them... But that would be panda ring.

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Why do Chinese people like to play werewolf so much? It's the only time they can vote to voice their opinions

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NYPD officers brutally beat chinese immigrant after he refused to tell them his name "I lost faith in humanity", said Fak Yu.

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I’m particular about who prepares my food. I walked out of a Chinese place when they told me a shrimp fried their rice.

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I have just met a Chinese drug addict. He said 'Have you seen my cocaine?'

I said ' Not since he starred in Zulu'

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What did the Chinese man say after he ate a bad chicken wing? Wing wong.

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A Chinese couple are in bed fooling around. The husband says " I wanna sixty-nine!" The wife says "You want Beef and Broccoli now?"

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What do Chinese people call dogs? Tasty.

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As a Chinese immigrant living in the states for a while, I can't help but feel like I'm less asian I guess I'm just disoriented

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Chinese politics must be awesome! I mean... Who wouldn't want an entire day dedicated to "erections"?

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What did Putin order? Chinese takeout

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The owner of a Chinese restaurant is doing his wife He says I want 69. His wife replies why you want beef and broccoli right now?

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What do you call a crazy song chorus about Chinese food? An Insane lo main refrain

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Our friend Ty is the state boxing champion, but my Chinese buddy refuses to believe it. The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty Won.

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[OC] What did the chinese guy say to his friend who was feeling down because of a failed plastic surgery? Why the wrong face?

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I was cooking Chinese food down in Yosemite ... It was a Wok in the park.

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It's funny how dogs in different coumtries make different sounds... In America, a dog goes "woof", a Czech dog goes "Haf", a Dutch dog goes "Blaf" and a Chinese goes sizzle.

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I had a terrible headache in a Chinese restaurant last night and asked for them to turn off the lights or just dim sum.

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What are Chinese people's favourite type of dog? Medium rare

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What does Lorena Bobbitt use to eat Chinese food? Chopdicks.

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What do you call it when you’re constipated after eating Chinese food? Hung Chow.

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What did the Chinese statistician use to tally the number of Swedish bands? An ABBAcus

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Racist joke I heard from The Sopranos A Chinese man walks into the eye doctors

The doctor said “I know why you have trouble seeing, you have a cataract.”

The Chinese man said “No, I drive a Lincoln.”

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What do United Airlines and an Asian restaurant have in common? Chinese take out.

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What food does United Airlines serve? Chinese take out.

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Sheriff's deputys wrangle wayward Llamas in Vacaville, California Not to be confused with chinese sheriff's deputies trying to wrangle a lama for long long time. That one is a different breed called "Dalai".

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A Chinese man goes to an optometrist complaining of blurriness in one eye The optometrist examines him and says "You have a cataract."

To which the Chinese man replies "Noh, I drive Lincoln Coninenal."

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Every province in China has its own, unique foods. Panda Chinese Kitchen comes from the Heatlamp province.

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I just had dessert after my Chinese food, but there was no paper in my cookie. That's unfortunate.

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How many Chinese men does it take to make a Smartphone? I dunno, ask the Kids.

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Apple has created a new product only for the Chinese It's called i-opener

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I just had some mediocre chinese food ... it was Tso Tso

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What do they owners of a Chinese Food restaurant do if the lights are too bright? Dim Sum.

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A man was arrested for dumping Chinese food on his neighbor's computer He was charged with wonton destruction of property

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What's the difference between racism and chinese ? racism has many faces

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How's the new Chinese restaurant downtown? Eh...

It's tso-tso.

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A man was dating a Chinese woman... She was moving things along pretty slowly and finally the guy asked "Can we try 69?"
She replied "You want beef and broccoli?"

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You know what they say when you gamble with Chinese food, you dim sum, you lose some.

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Why cant you make fun of Chinese people? Because its just wong

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Why can't two Chinese couples make a white baby? Because two Wongs don't make a White.

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I took adderall next to a box of fortune cookies... And now I'm fluent in Chinese.

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Did you hear about the bear attack at that Chinese Zoo? It was Pandemonium.

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NEVER challenge a chinese man If he says he can do something in the blink of an eye, chances are he's gonna be quicker than you.

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How much did Juan weigh after eating Chinese food? Juan ton

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What kind of chinese food goes on adventures? Crab ragoonies

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A half Chinese, half Italian mobster came into my store today He made me an offer I couldn't understand

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So someone dropped a Chinese baby in a toilet? My advice is to pop it in a bag of rice overnight...

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What do you get when you cross a duck and a cat? A Chinese restaurant's newest entree!

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Chinese girls just aren't that into me. I wish I had more of a Tai Pei personality.

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