Chinese Jokes


Funniest Chinese Jokes

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

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Funny Chinese Jokes
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Two Chinese dudes break into a distillery. One says to the other “is this Whiskey?” The other says “yes but not as Whiskey as wobbing a bank”.

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I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

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I asked my Chinese friend what it's like living in China He said he couldn't complain.

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Chinese takeout $30.00…gas to pick it up $20.00… Getting home and realising they have forgotten one of your containers…


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Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid. The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!

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What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

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UPDATE: United Airlines now offering a new addition to their inflight meals chinese takeout

EDIT: if i see one more comment that says "knuckle sandwich" i will kidnap all of you and put you on flight 3411

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How much do Chinese dumplings weigh? Wonton.

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I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles. You know...heroin.

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A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother... They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!

They named him Ravi O. Lee


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Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $1.90. Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers: Riceless

Edit: Just got back from incubating eggs to find out my brother now knows my username.Thank you.

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How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.

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An Australian bin man knocks at the door of a Chinese guy And asks 'where's ya bin mate'
The guy answers 'I bin watching TV!'
The Ozzie asks 'na mate where's ya wheelie bin'
The guy hangs his head and says 'I wheelie been wanking'

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I think I banged a Chinese celebrity She kept screaming "I'm Wei Tu Yung" like I was supposed to know the name.

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When I was a kid I thought I had a Chinese friend But it was just my imaginasian.

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Donald Trump's plan to build a wall might actually work. The Chinese built a huge wall, and they have almost no Mexicans in their country.

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I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

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How do you make a Chinese man no longer Asian? Just spin him around in circles until he's disoriented

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My Chinese son was born before his due date We called him Sudden Lee

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What has TWO wings, and ONE arrow? A Chinese telephone.

Wing wing. Arrow?

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Why is the Great Wall of China considered one of the seven wonders of the world? Because it is an actual long-lasting Chinese product.

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Who says building a border wall won’t work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don’t have any Mexicans.

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I ordered 2000 lbs. of chinese soup. It was Won Ton.

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Chinese takeout, $15.00, gas to get there, $1.50. Getting home to find they've forgotten one of your dishes. Riceless.

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I got an iPad from my chinese friend... I love homemade gifts!

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Got an IPad from my chinese friend... Nothing beats homemade gifts.

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Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster? A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

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Chinese kid was born before the due date Parents named him Sudden Lee.

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What's thr difference between the chinese and racism? Racism has many faces.

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I told a Chinese guy that they always smell like Chinese food. He said "aw that's lo, mein."

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What do you call a Chinese underage hooker? Sum Yung Ho

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How can you tell difference between Chinese & Japanese? With Geiger counter.

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What's the difference between racism and chinese people? Racism has many faces.

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Why do Chinese knights have a low rate of survival? They all have chinks in their armor.

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If Adam and Eve were chinese they would have stayed in paradise Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple.

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Little kids will do anything for five bucks. Just ask a Chinese factory

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Have you heard the old Chinese proverb about the importance of teamwork when repairing lamps? 'Many hands make light work'

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Chinese girls just aren't that into me. I wish I had more of a Tai Pei personality.

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New Chinese Jokes

Why is Chinese protection bad? There's too many chinks in their armor!


(Also, please don't hate me I am Chinese)

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Why do the Chinese suck at Cricket? Because they eat all the bats

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Why did Batman never take down a Chinese mastermind? He would have ate him up.

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What's the difference between Carol Baskins and the Chinese? Carol Baskins feeds PEOPLE to CATS.

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A Chinese with Bad internet Xi Jin | Ping 999 |

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How do you call a Chinese man that takes to long to finish his exams? Fina Lee

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I saw this chinese kid that looked like he had down syndrome. So I asked his parents if hes fully retarded or just dim sum.

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You should never mess with chinese people Because there a good chance you mess with the Wong family

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I got a container full of Chinese today Sadly it was all frozen

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What do the Chinese say when their humorless leader tells a joke? Xixixi!

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Nike and Colin Kaepernick got down on one knee for the American flag. But Nike got down on both knees for the Chinese flag.

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I’ve officially decided to boycott all Chinese products Sent from my iPhone

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I got rear-ended the other day and my neck still hurts. I think I'm going to they that Chinese thing with the needles... You know...heroin.

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How do Chinese people greet you in Texas? Ni Howdy

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Need help for kidnapping If I kidnap a Chinese, can I cover up his eyes with laces?

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What do you call it when the Chinese government massacres their own people? Chinese pride

(I'm an ABC)

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What did the Chinese parents name their retarded son? Sum Ting Wong.

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I know people really like Chinese Bears and jewelry, so I was gonna make a joke about them... But that would be panda ring.

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Why do Chinese people like to play werewolf so much? It's the only time they can vote to voice their opinions

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NYPD officers brutally beat chinese immigrant after he refused to tell them his name "I lost faith in humanity", said Fak Yu.

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China is harvesting organs from Muslims in “re-education” camps and America can’t even build one wall. Literally checkers vs. Chinese checkers.

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I’m particular about who prepares my food. I walked out of a Chinese place when they told me a shrimp fried their rice.

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The reason putting a pgone in rice works because...... A chinese man comes along to fix it.

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I have just met a Chinese drug addict. He said 'Have you seen my cocaine?'

I said ' Not since he starred in Zulu'

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What did the Chinese man say after he ate a bad chicken wing? Wing wong.

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What do Chinese people call dogs? Tasty.

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Chinese politics must be awesome! I mean... Who wouldn't want an entire day dedicated to "erections"?

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The owner of a Chinese restaurant is doing his wife He says I want 69. His wife replies why you want beef and broccoli right now?

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Our friend Ty is the state boxing champion, but my Chinese buddy refuses to believe it. The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty Won.

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My Chinese neighbor heard it was raining cats & dogs... then ran outside with chopsticks.

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What are Chinese people's favourite type of dog? Medium rare

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The Mexican in the Chinese storee A Mexican walks into a Chinese store.
He sees a labeled bottle of black liquid on the counter. He reads it and says, "You are!"

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What did the Chinese statistician use to tally the number of Swedish bands? An ABBAcus

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Racist joke I heard from The Sopranos A Chinese man walks into the eye doctors

The doctor said “I know why you have trouble seeing, you have a cataract.”

The Chinese man said “No, I drive a Lincoln.”

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What do United Airlines and an Asian restaurant have in common? Chinese take out.

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What food does United Airlines serve? Chinese take out.

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Sheriff's deputys wrangle wayward Llamas in Vacaville, California Not to be confused with chinese sheriff's deputies trying to wrangle a lama for long long time. That one is a different breed called "Dalai".

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Have you seen United Airline's on-board menu? I heard their Chinese take-out was especially famous.

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I just had dessert after my Chinese food, but there was no paper in my cookie. That's unfortunate.

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How many Chinese men does it take to make a Smartphone? I dunno, ask the Kids.

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How many Chinese workers does it take to make a Smartphone? I dunno. Ask the kids.

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What do they owners of a Chinese Food restaurant do if the lights are too bright? Dim Sum.

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How do chinese people laugh over the internet? Lmao Zedong

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A man was arrested for dumping Chinese food on his neighbor's computer He was charged with wonton destruction of property

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What do you call a castrated Chinese? A clementine

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What Chinese name means 'wolf'? Hau Ling.

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What do you call a chinese food truck? A Wok in the Park

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I just went to jail for my wife's crime. She's Chinese, which I guess makes me guilty by associasian.

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I just got ripped off by a Chinese guy. This pan he sold me doesn't fly at all.

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How's the new Chinese restaurant downtown? Eh...

It's tso-tso.

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Why couldn't the Chinese herpetologist see out his car window? Because it was too froggy outside.

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quazimodo comes home to find his Mrs with the wok out. "ooh Chinese for tea is it love?" He asked.

"No, I'm ironing one of your shirts" She replied.

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Why do Chinese people sound like lions when you tell them a joke? Because they ror.

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What did the Chinese say to the American? 喲媽媽這麼胖

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Mastercard Chinese Resturant Commercial General Tso's Chicken........ $11.50

Coca-Cola........ $1.99

Take out guy forgets container........ Riceless

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Why cant you make fun of Chinese people? Because its just wong

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Why can't two Chinese couples make a white baby? Because two Wongs don't make a White.

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What kind of chinese food goes on adventures? Crab ragoonies

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Do you guys know the joke about the chinese man and the skycrapper? -It's wong on so many levels.

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Eating Chinese food is like getting an organ transplant There's always a chance your body will reject it.

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