Hilarious Spider Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Spider Jokes

Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks? Because with great power comes great response ability.

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I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said

"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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I told my teenage niece to go get me a newspaper... She laughed at me, and said, "Oh uncle you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it So we went out and had some drinks.

Cool guy.

Wants to be a web developer.

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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.... We went and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web developer.

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My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of kill it. We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

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What was Spider Man's major in college? Web Design.

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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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Wife asked me to take out a spider instead of killing it... So I did, hit a few bars, dude is cool, wants to go into web design.

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Her: “baby, undress me with your words” Me: “there’s a spider on your bra”

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I once met a spider from Baghdad... He was an Iraqnid.

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Please pray for my wife.... A spider bit her on the forehead and she is now in the E.R. They said she almost died.
Lucky for her, I was near and hit the spider as hard as I could with a bat right when it bit her.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.... We went out and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer

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Man is like spider... ..bound to have sticky fingers after being on the web

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“Now how’s he going to read the newspaper, all rolled up like that?" ...thought the spider.

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What's it called when Spider-Man has to stop a car? Peter Parking.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead if killing it. We had some drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web developer.

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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer

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Two spiders are at another spiders funeral. "Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"

"Starvation."

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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web developer

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My daughter told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. He wants to be a web developer.

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I asked my wife for a newspaper. She said not to be daft and to borrow her iPad. That spider didn't know what hit it.

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I asked my wife for the newspaper I said to my wife, "Get me a newspaper."

"Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."

The spider didn't see that coming.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing. We went and had drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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A spider crawled into my keyboard earlier. It's okay, I've got him under Ctrl.

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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it... We went out for a few drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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What did the nervous spider say to the audience? "Forgive me guys, but I've got butterflies in my stomach."

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So a spider just crawled onto my keyboard But don't worry I think it's under ctrl.

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Scientist: Let's name this spider Long Legs, for its long legs Scientist 2: Hmm not kinky enough

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I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phone book. She laughed and called me an antique, then proceeded to give me her phone.

Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.

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What would you call Spider Man if he was a valet? Peter Parker

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My friend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it... We went out and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

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Pet Spider My kid asked me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!

"No way," I thought, "I can get one much cheaper off the web."

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Why did the spider never go to school Because she learnt everything on the web.

b^a^d^a^b^u^m

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We call my grandpa "Spider-Man" He doesn't have any super powers, he just finds it hard to get out of the bath

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New Spider Jokes

Did you know a spider's ears is actually at it's legs? Cause if you rip all it's legs off and scream 'run', nothing happens.

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How does a spider network? *logs into web*

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If Batman had a similar origin story to Spider-Man He'd be widely known now as a bad man; a virulante.

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Today my wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it in the house So we went out, had a few drinks, he's a pretty chill guy and he's a web designer

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I told my teenage niece to get me a jornal She laughed at me, and said, "Oh uncle you are so old. Just use my phone"

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

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What’s the difference between a spider and a web developer The spider wants bugs

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I was ecstatic when I received a job offer to be spider man. But it was such a shame when my Nigerian boss fired me, after mistaking me for an ‘appalling’ private detective he had also hired.

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I asked my daughter to get me a newspaper... I asked my daughter to get me a newspaper.
She said, "Dad you're so old. Use my phone."

So I took her phone and slammed it down on the spider crawling up the wall. :D

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Why should Microsoft hire a spider? Because it would be a good web builder.

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What’s da last name of that Willem guy from da first Spider-man movie? You know, da one that played Da Foe.

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What superhero could Mr. Clean easily defeat? Spider-Man, it’s just takes a little pledge.

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Anyone can climb a wall like Spider-Man If you stick to it

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Scientist 1: What should we call this spider that has long legs? Scientist 2: How about Long Legs? Scientist 1: Not kinky enough...

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What does Spider-Man do after he gets hurt? He checks Web MD

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I went out the other day and there was a butterfly wrapped up in a web. A few days later it had turned into a spider.
Natures amazing.

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What do you call a web developer who likes to find bugs? A spider

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What's Spider-Man's favourite class? Web development.

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What's spider-mans favorite brand of rice ? Uncle Ben

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My girlfriend told me to take out a spider instead of killing it... We went and had a few drinks. Cool guy, he wants to be a web designer.

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What do you call a spider who can't get it up? Erectnephobia.

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A spider just walked onto the keyboard! Ooook I think it's under cntrl

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What did the spider go to college for? Web design

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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it… We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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Why was the spider community so peaceful? They experienced neutrality across the web.

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What happens to Spider-man after Homecoming? Getting pulled for buzzed slinging

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I met Spider-Man in college He was in Web development.

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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it We had a great time. He said he wants to be a web developer.

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My girlfriend said that i should take the spider out instead of killing it Best date ever

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A spider got sick from eating a fly he trapped... his mother told him not to trust everything he finds on the web

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My girlfriend told me to take a spider out last night instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Funny Lass, bit fed up of all the web developers out there though. She said she prefers those who like to live on the edge, maybe perhaps, a spy-der.

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How is Willie Nelson like Spider-Man? They both love Mary Jane

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The worst part about being bit by a poisonous spider is... ...that you're probably Australian.

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Why did the spider go to college? To get his degree in web design!

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Michael Keaton took roles like Batman, Birdman, and now the Vulture from the new Spider Man movie I guess you can say he's a good wingman.

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Why did the spider become a forum admin? So he could make a sticky thread.

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When he told his friends he wanted to make the World Wide Web, they all said he was one crazy spider.

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I stepped outside the other day and saw a butterfly wrapped in a cocoon. This morning when I went out it had turned into a spider. Nature is amazing.

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How does a feminist kill a spider? Not, she is not man enough to do it.

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What's Spider-Mans favorite online music app? Spotafly.

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They say that when you find a spider in Australia... you hear boss battle music.

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What do you call spider terrorists? Iraq-nids

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Ask /r/jokes: What are your favorite twisted nursery rhymes? Little Miss Muffet sat down on a tuffet
Holding her can of RAID
Along came a spider who sat down beside her
So she blew the little sucker away.

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