Spider Jokes

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Funniest Spider Jokes

Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks? Because with great power comes great response ability.

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I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said

"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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I told my teenage niece to go get me a newspaper... She laughed at me, and said, "Oh uncle you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it So we went out and had some drinks.

Cool guy.

Wants to be a web developer.

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Funny Spider Jokes
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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.... We went and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web developer.

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My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of kill it. We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

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What was Spider Man's major in college? Web Design.

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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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Wife asked me to take out a spider instead of killing it... So I did, hit a few bars, dude is cool, wants to go into web design.

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Her: “baby, undress me with your words” Me: “there’s a spider on your bra”

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I once met a spider from Baghdad... He was an Iraqnid.

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Please pray for my wife.... A spider bit her on the forehead and she is now in the E.R. They said she almost died.
Lucky for her, I was near and hit the spider as hard as I could with a bat right when it bit her.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.... We went out and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer

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Man is like spider... ..bound to have sticky fingers after being on the web

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“Now how’s he going to read the newspaper, all rolled up like that?" ...thought the spider.

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What's it called when Spider-Man has to stop a car? Peter Parking.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead if killing it. We had some drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web developer.

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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer

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Two spiders are at another spiders funeral. "Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"

"Starvation."

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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web developer

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My daughter told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. He wants to be a web developer.

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I asked my wife for a newspaper. She said not to be daft and to borrow her iPad. That spider didn't know what hit it.

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I asked my wife for the newspaper I said to my wife, "Get me a newspaper."

"Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."

The spider didn't see that coming.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

Score: 89

My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing. We went and had drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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A spider crawled into my keyboard earlier. It's okay, I've got him under Ctrl.

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I can't believe AntMan and Spider-Man are in civil war. That really bugs me.

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Ask /r/jokes: What are your favorite twisted nursery rhymes? Little Miss Muffet sat down on a tuffet
Holding her can of RAID
Along came a spider who sat down beside her
So she blew the little sucker away.

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My wife wanted me to take the spider out instead of killing it Had a couple of drinks nice guy wants to be a web developer

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I went out the other day and there was a butterfly wrapped up in a web. A few days later it had turned into a spider.
Natures amazing.

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Why should Microsoft hire a spider? Because it would be a good web builder.

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I asked my daughter to get me a newspaper... I asked my daughter to get me a newspaper.
She said, "Dad you're so old. Use my phone."


So I took her phone and slammed it down on the spider crawling up the wall. :D

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I was ecstatic when I received a job offer to be spider man. But it was such a shame when my Nigerian boss fired me, after mistaking me for an ‘appalling’ private detective he had also hired.

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I told my teenage niece to get me a jornal She laughed at me, and said, "Oh uncle you are so old. Just use my phone"

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

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What superhero could Mr. Clean easily defeat? Spider-Man, it’s just takes a little pledge.

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What’s the difference between a spider and a web developer The spider wants bugs

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New Spider Jokes

Did you know a spider's ears is actually at it's legs? Cause if you rip all it's legs off and scream 'run', nothing happens.

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How does a spider network? *logs into web*

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If Batman had a similar origin story to Spider-Man He'd be widely known now as a bad man; a virulante.

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Today my wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it in the house So we went out, had a few drinks, he's a pretty chill guy and he's a web designer

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What’s da last name of that Willem guy from da first Spider-man movie? You know, da one that played Da Foe.

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