Spider Jokes

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Funniest Spider Jokes

Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks? Because with great power comes great response ability.

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I told my teenage niece to go get me a phone book... She laughed at me, and said

"Oh uncle J you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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I told my teenage niece to go get me a newspaper... She laughed at me, and said, "Oh uncle you're so old. Just use my phone."

So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.

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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it So we went out and had some drinks.

Cool guy.

Wants to be a web developer.

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Funny Spider Jokes
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My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.... We went and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web developer.

Score: 566

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of kill it. We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.

Score: 545

What was Spider Man's major in college? Web Design.

Score: 448

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

Score: 368

Wife asked me to take out a spider instead of killing it... So I did, hit a few bars, dude is cool, wants to go into web design.

Score: 334

Her: “baby, undress me with your words” Me: “there’s a spider on your bra”

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I once met a spider from Baghdad... He was an Iraqnid.

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Please pray for my wife.... A spider bit her on the forehead and she is now in the E.R. They said she almost died.
Lucky for her, I was near and hit the spider as hard as I could with a bat right when it bit her.

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My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.... We went out and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer

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Man is like spider... ..bound to have sticky fingers after being on the web

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“Now how’s he going to read the newspaper, all rolled up like that?" ...thought the spider.

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What's it called when Spider-Man has to stop a car? Peter Parking.

Score: 138

My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead if killing it. We had some drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web developer.

Score: 130

My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer

Score: 130

Two spiders are at another spiders funeral. "Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"

"Starvation."

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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it We went and had drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web developer

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My daughter told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. He wants to be a web developer.

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I asked my wife for a newspaper. She said not to be daft and to borrow her iPad. That spider didn't know what hit it.

Score: 96

I asked my wife for the newspaper I said to my wife, "Get me a newspaper."

"Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."

The spider didn't see that coming.

Score: 90

My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

Score: 89

My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing. We went and had drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.

Score: 89

A spider crawled into my keyboard earlier. It's okay, I've got him under Ctrl.

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What did the nervous spider say to the audience? "Forgive me guys, but I've got butterflies in my stomach."

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Did you know there is a species of spider that can jump higher then a building This is due to its powerful 8 legs and the fact that buildings can’t jump

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What do you call a spider in a catholic church? Father Longlegs.

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My wife wanted me to take the spider out instead of killing it Had a couple of drinks nice guy wants to be a web developer

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How did the bug fetishist drink her apple juice? She put a spider in cider.

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What do you call a spider that likes 80s music? A Durantula.

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I went out the other day and there was a butterfly wrapped up in a web. A few days later it had turned into a spider.
Natures amazing.

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Why should Microsoft hire a spider? Because it would be a good web builder.

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I asked my daughter to get me a newspaper... I asked my daughter to get me a newspaper.
She said, "Dad you're so old. Use my phone."


So I took her phone and slammed it down on the spider crawling up the wall. :D

Score: 2

I was ecstatic when I received a job offer to be spider man. But it was such a shame when my Nigerian boss fired me, after mistaking me for an ‘appalling’ private detective he had also hired.

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New Spider Jokes

What do you call Spider Man when he climbs walls? Peter Parkour.

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Did you know a spider's ears is actually at it's legs? Cause if you rip all it's legs off and scream 'run', nothing happens.

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How does a spider network? *logs into web*

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If Batman had a similar origin story to Spider-Man He'd be widely known now as a bad man; a virulante.

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Today my wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it in the house So we went out, had a few drinks, he's a pretty chill guy and he's a web designer

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What’s the difference between a spider and a web developer The spider wants bugs

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What’s da last name of that Willem guy from da first Spider-man movie? You know, da one that played Da Foe.

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What do you call a spider with 9 legs? Hung daddy long legs.

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Sing this - Spiderman Spiderman Does whatever dust can.
Doesn't feel good
with Stark's plan.
Keep him away
from the fan.

Look out! You might breathe him in.

Falls down, outta breath.
What's that he senses? Total Death.
WATCH OUT
Vanished like a spider can.

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What superhero could Mr. Clean easily defeat? Spider-Man, it’s just takes a little pledge.

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What do ya call 8 pirates roped together?? A spider!

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