Tinder Jokes

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Funniest Tinder Jokes

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

My Tinder bio says I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I’m paid to travel My dates are always upset when I tell them I’m a bus driver

Funny Tinder Jokes

This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture. I told her that I am looking for matches.

A girl I met on tinder said "don't even bother talking to me if your height starts with 5" Jokes on her, I'm 4'11

Using Tinder when you're horny is like going food shopping when you're hungry. Both lead to unintended obesity.

Tinder is for rookies Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.

In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long. I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.

What do serial killers and fat girls on tinder have in common? They know how to hide their bodies.

What's the difference between tinder and amusement parks? Amusement parks have realistic height requirements.

What do Pokemon Go and Tinder have in common? Both give you a good chance of catching something

A standard elevator can hold 1700 lbs or 5 Tinder matches...

My friends suggested I use tinder to meet some cute firemen or policemen Once it started to burn, I met so many! I even met a reporter and some lawyers!

How do you know a girl on Tinder is real? When they ignore you.

A girl on Tinder asked me why my cigarette isn’t lit in my picture... I told her i’m just looking for matches

Today I set my location on Tinder to Flint, Michigan Because I bet those girls are pretty thirsty.

Some of my friends go on Tinder dates just for free food I guess you could call it food for thot.

My friend met his wife on tinder ...It was six months after their wedding

As a middle aged man I love going up to pretty young women who are staring at their cellphone screens and asking Are you my tinder date?

I met my wife on Tinder About a year *after we got married*

I finally got Tinder ... and after a few matches, I was able to start a campfire

Why couldn't the incel start a fire? Just like always, had tinder but no matches

After recently getting into dating apps I came to the conclusion that Tinder is a lot like Little Caesars... if you want it hot and ready, you're gonna have to take a hit on quality

I’m convinced girls from Tinder are haunted. They keep ghosting me.

What's the difference between Tinder and the PokemonGo app? Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.

I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys... Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I’ll kill it.

my tinder date told me that I shouldn't be using a straw I quickly respond "I know, I know. It's bad for the environment."

"No," she replied, "it's just a weird way to eat spaghetti."

My tinder profile says I'm 6 feet, 2 inches, and 195 pounds, but the girls I match with are always furious when we meet. I guess they don't realize those are three separate measurements.

Tinder is like being on a bus. Everyone is on their phones, but no one is talking.

i put tinder on my kindle it burst into flames

I got my first message on Tinder! The Tinder team is quite helpful

I found my wife, my soulmate, my best friend on tinder I guess I wasn't invited to the orgy.

I saw my uncle on Tinder Obviously I swiped left. He's not going to be in to me now that I'm all grown up.

Tinder is like Pokémon GO You swipe to catch monsters.

I hate seeing people I know on Tinder My girlfriend has some explaining to do...

Have y'all heard about this new app that lets you see ghosts? It's called Tinder

There's a cool hidden feature on Tinder Keep on swiping right and girls get fatter

What did Pingu say to a girl he met on Tinder Send noots.

Instead of using Tinder or Bumble, go on Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses for sale. You will receive a list of recently divorced women in your immediate area, for free. Plus you can filter by size.

The digital internet consists of 1s and 0s. That explains alot about my Tinder matches.

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New Tinder Jokes

Your new tinder bio I only know how to play a little bit on the guitar, but I definitely know my way around a G-string

Who was the first woman with a Tinder profile? Joan of Arc.

I conducted a COVID-19 survey by checking in on all the tinder matches I accumulated over the years. Although my sample size may be insufficient, the results of the survey are devastating and tragic.

May they all rest in peace.

This Corona app is like Tinder in reverse... ...first you meet, then you find out you have a match and suddenly you feel rather lonely.

Obituaries Necrophiliac's tinder

Saw a girl on tinder that said she worked at a elementary school Told her that that was good because i respect social distancing keeping 250 feet

What did Dora say to help her friend break his Tinder addiction? Swiper, no swiping!

Your Mama's SO Stupid... She tried to start a fire using the tinder app.

(I told this joke to my friend and he suggested i post it here.)

I don’t understand girls My gf asked me to be on Social Media and should try to make friends
So putting my morals aside I made an account on tinder and made friend with benefits
And now she is very upset.

My tinder dates profile said she was in touch with the spirit world and that she was a medium What a load of rubbish, she is easily a Large.

Tinder is simple geometry If you have good lines you'll get good curves

I swiped left because her Tinder profile looked scary. I was afraid I might get ghosted.

I lost my lighter. So I installed tinder to get some matches.

I always had a pee fetish, I met a girl on tinder with the same interest. She was pretty good looking but not a 10 My opening line was “urinate”

What's the difference between Tinder and Ikea? One night stands last longer.

statistics of birth control effectiveness Condoms = 99%

birth control pills =99%

My tinder profile = 100%

Found a girl on tinder a few days ago, her profile picture was taken in front of the first Starbucks. I asked what it was like to complete her pilgrimage to white girl Mecca.

She still hasn’t responded.

A woman’s bio on tinder says she has 4 dogs... ...if she matched with me it would be 5.

My best friend got a gf recently. When he first told me, he mentioned that she had nice “assets”, and gave me a knowing look. Then he showed me her Tinder profile.

She’s a stockbroker.

Tinder Date: "Oh wow, you’re way better looking than in your profile pic." Dorian Gray: "Yeah, I get that a lot actually."

yo mamma so ugly.... I swiped right on her on Tinder and matched

Yo Daddy so dumb.... He downloaded Tinder to buy firewood

And Grindr for the woodchipper

New dating app for plus sized people Chicken Tinder

Why is a sketchy Tinder date like a fire? They both start with a match and end with a burning sensation

Tinder has a new catch phrase. Meet,skeet & delete

On Tinder I’m looking for special ed teachers So they know how to deal with me

You know Tinder right? Well have you heard of the new app for people trying to find trees? It's called Timber.

I’ve tried to search something on google for years It keeps saying “Error. No matches”

Then I realised I wasn’t on google

I was on Tinder

Someone I matched with on Tinder asked why I have an unlit cigarette as my pfp I told her I was looking for matches

I'm sick of guys lying about their height on tinder So I stole one of those "must be this tall" height markers from an amusement park and sat it next to my front door just to be sure

Tinder is wonderful I've always wanted a photo database of all the girls in my city who would never go out with me

I met an amazing girl on Tinder Her name is Catherine Fisher

Tinder told me there are 50000 hot american singles in my area This vacation in Iran's gonna duck

It's great to see so many girls on Tinder with no bio I guess they're all against profiling

What do you call a tinder premium subscription? Fuel for thot

Cookies My tinder profile always has an unlit cigaret in it since i'm always searching for matches.

A tram driver was scrolling through tinder when her train crashed Guess she was too into D-*Railing*

Old insults Back when I was on the playground , early 60s
If I called someone a butt- licker, there’s gonna be a fight, that’s a nasty insult for a fifth grader...Nowadays, isn’t that a box you check on your Tinder ....

How can you tell people on Tinder have no friends? Every profile pic is a selfie.

Tinder is like the ocean Some times you catch fish some times you catch crabs

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Long Tinder Jokes

A little boy goes to his father and asks...

"Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat group on FaceBook. Then I set up a date via Tinder with your Mom and we met at a Starbucks, because of the free wifi. We sneaked into the rest room, where your mother agreed to do a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a VPN, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: "You've Got Male!"

I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet

I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.

She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.

I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she asked for a bite of my kabab.

Mary had a little lamb.

An usual conversation on Tinder

M: Wow, you’re beautiful, so, can you send me a pic of your tiddies?

W: Sure, send me 20$

Sending money.

M: Oh, they’re gorgeous! Now, can you also send me a pic of your butt?

W: No problems, send another 50$

After a while.

M: Damn, awesome. You wouldn’t mind to send me a nice pic of your vajayjay?

W: 100$ and the pic is yours.

The doctor closes his app and covers the body.

D: So, who said you can’t make good money as a pathologist at the morgue?

Online Dating

Ok so there's this girl and her friend talking about their dating lives.

Girl 1: "Oh my god, I am just so sick and tired of the dating scene! I swear there are no good guys left in this world. I give up."

Girl 2: "You know what your problem is? You're going about this all wrong. Stop meeting guys in bars and clubs and try something different. What about Tinder or OKCupid or Plenty of Fish? There's plenty of other options for you! Just be careful because there are a lot of creepers out there."

The girl takes her friends advice and starts online dating; opening up profiles at just about every site there is. But, to filter out the creepers and bad guys, she makes 3 simple rules in her profile.

Rule #1 - You can never beat or hit me in any way.
Rule #2 - You can never run off on me with another woman.
Rule #3 - You must be amazing in bed.

Well, the guys start coming in and she goes out on few dates. The first guy was handsome, but seemed like too much of a bad boy with issues. Seemed like he would have too much to drink and lose his cool. Another guy was a total casanova, but a little too smooth, she got the vibe that he was a total player and would probably run off with another woman.

Right when she is about to give up all hope again she hears her door bell ring.

Ding dong!

She goes, answers the door but nobody is there.

???

Looks left, nobody. Looks right, nobody still. Finally she hears an *ahem* and lo and behold, on the floor, there is a man, leaned up against her doorstep with no arms and no legs. The man declares...

"Honey, look no further! I am the man of your dreams!"

"Oh really?" She says giving him the most confused look a woman in her position can give. "What makes you think that?"

"Well, I have no arms, so I can't beat or hit you."

"Good point," she replies.

"I have no legs, so I can never run away."

"I see. And how in the world, with no arms and legs, do you think that you are amazing in bed?"

The man gives her the dirtiest, sexiest grin and says...

"I rang the door bell didn't I?"

One from my dad

This happened last night as I was heading out before a tinder date looking all magic Mike.


"Son, I'll bet you anything I know where you got your shoes."

I brought these new kicks last week from a store that just opened. He has no chance.
"Are you sure?" I said all excited.


"Yes! Here!" He pulls out a hundred dollar bill and places it on the table in front of me.
"My hundred to your $10, we got a deal?"


"Of course!" I said. This is going to be a free night out.


"Put your $10 on the table then son"

Never have I ripped out a ten dollar note faster.


"I'll tell you where you got your shoes..... On your feet"


-_-

Night at the fair

A young man decides to take his tinder date to the fair. He meets her at the gates, pays their admission and in they go. They ride some rides, eat some deep fried Oreos, play some games. He asks her what she wants to do next.

A smile crosses her face and she says, “I wanna get
weighed.”

So they go over to the guess your weight booth and the guy running it guesses 125. Her exact weight.

She looks confused and disappointed so he takes her on a few more rides to cheer her up. He asks her again what she wants to do next.

A smile crosses her face again and says, “I wanna get weighed.”

Slightly confused the man takes her back to the guess your weight booth. The booth operator looks at then quizzically and says, “125? Again.”

She again looks confused and disappointed. They go to play a few more games and ride the Ferris wheel. Wheel. When they get off the ride he asks her again what she wants to do next.

A smile crosses her face again and she says, with a little exasperation, “I wanna get weighed!”

The young man loses his cool. “You are ridiculous! I took you out here for a great time in the hopes we could have a little fun afterwards and all you want to do is get weighed!! Gah!!!” He storms off without letting her get another word out.

Dejected and rejected the young woman heads home.

As she heads through the front door her roommate asks her how her date went. She replies,

“Wousy”

Explaining to my Married Friends how Tinder works.

Me : So you swipe right if you like them and swipe left if you don't like

Them : Ohhhhhh

Me : So basically you need to log in to the Facebook account to access the app.

Them : Ohhhhhh

Me : Don't worry nothing gets posted on Facebook

Them : Ohhhhhh

P. S - Only Married Folks understand the subtle difference in the Ohhhhhhs

An Indian guy and girl meet on Tinder

They get to his place and start making out. The guy is not able to get it up so she goes down on him. After sometime she feels him harden enough so she whispers, “Are you Ready?”

He exclaims, “Wow how did you figure out my caste from blowing me?”

P.S: Reddy is a caste in India,

You might be a necropheliac if...

Shout out to Jeff Foxworthy for the inspiration. Here we go.

You might be a necropheliac if...

Your version of tinder is the local obituaries.

You have detailed knowledge of the security setup of every funeral home and cemetery in your city.

The contents of your trunk include a shovel, a flashlight, and a dozen roses.

You have been notified in writing that your repeated applications to work at the county morgue will not result in an interview.

Your nicest clothes smell of Cologne, formaldehyde and shame.

And finally...

All of your dates give you the cold shoulder, and you absolutely love it.

Billy has had bad luck with women in general but to top it off, he also has this obscure fetish where he likes to piss in his s/o’s mouth. So he decides to give tinder a go.

Luckily for Billy, he got a few matches.

His matches didn’t initially know about his fetish, he wanted to disclose that information as things got more frisky.

One by one Billy took his matches on a date which eventually led to them going to his bed. Upon reaching his bed, he’d ask them “Are you into being pissed in the mouth? Cause every chick that I’ve asked had said no.”Most of them would say “no, you sick frick!”

That all changed once he met Jennifer who, upon being asked the big question replied “Urine luck” as she winked at him.

Convo from a tinder date.

Her: What does your father do?
Me: He's an illusionist.
Her: Oh, what kind of magic does he do?
Me: I'm not really sure, he only showed me one trick when I was a young kid and he still hasn't come back....
Her: Awww. I'm so sorry for asking!
Me: I'm just kidding!!! He's dead.

I met a girl on Tinder.

Her name was Catherine but her bio said "feel free to call me Cat lol". So anyway, we matched and arranged to meet up. Well I get there, and this girl is drop-dead gorgeous, slim and and athletic. I walk up to her and say, in a deep sultry voice, raising an eyebrow and cocking my head for emphasis:

"Hey Cat, how you feline?"

Needless to say, shoulda called her Catherine.



\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-\-

(Alternative punchline:
"Needless to say, shoulda called her 'Cat lol'."
Completely changes the meaning of the joke and with whom the stupidity/ peculiarity lies.)


Edit: If AutoMods think this is long they should see my Tinder pic

That was really good boo boo

These two people match up on tinder and get to chatting, after a bit she agrees to a date and he goes and picks her up. Everything is going great so he invites her back to his place and she agrees. Before you know it both of them are naked and getting it on, after finishing they just laid there panting.

She says "Mmm that was really good boo boo"

He looks at her funny and says "boo boo?"

She says "yeah, that's what I call all my boyfriends"

"ah..." he mutters

"well what do you call your girlfriends, boo boo?"

He thinks for a second and says "I like to call them an uber so I can roll over and get some sleep"

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