My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.
A girl I met on tinder said "don't even bother talking to me if your height starts with 5"
Jokes on her, I'm 4'11
Edit: the quotes are signaling that she's speaking, it doesn't mean 5 inches
I just found out my wife has an identical twin I saw her on Tinder.
If you thought eBay was bad, don't even try Tinder... Everytime I log in it says 'No Matches Available'
Tinder is for rookies Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.
In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long. I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.
Pokemon GO is a blatant ripoff of another popular app... called Tinder, where you also swipe to find monsters in your area.
Pokémon Go is more popular than Tinder. Another app which requires you to swipe to find monsters in your surroundings.
What do serial killers and fat girls on tinder have in common? They know how to hide their bodies.
What do Pokemon Go and Tinder have in common? Both give you a good chance of catching something
What's the difference between tinder and amusement parks? Amusement parks have realistic height requirements.
A standard elevator can hold 1700 lbs or 5 Tinder matches...
My friends suggested I use tinder to meet some cute firemen or policemen Once it started to burn, I met so many! I even met a reporter and some lawyers!
I saw my sister on Tinder. Can’t believe she’s cheating on me.
How do you know a girl on Tinder is real? When they ignore you.
Is there some kind of platonic version of Tinder? Asking for a friend.
A girl on Tinder asked me why my cigarette isn’t lit in my picture... I told her i’m just looking for matches
Today I set my location on Tinder to Flint, Michigan Because I bet those girls are pretty thirsty.
Some of my friends go on Tinder dates just for free food I guess you could call it food for thot.
My friend met his wife on tinder ...It was six months after their wedding
As a middle aged man I love going up to pretty young women who are staring at their cellphone screens and asking Are you my tinder date?
I met my wife on Tinder About a year *after we got married*
I finally got Tinder ... and after a few matches, I was able to start a campfire
Why couldn't the incel start a fire? Just like always, had tinder but no matches
After recently getting into dating apps I came to the conclusion that Tinder is a lot like Little Caesars... if you want it hot and ready, you're gonna have to take a hit on quality
I’m convinced girls from Tinder are haunted. They keep ghosting me.
What's the difference between Tinder and the PokemonGo app? Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.
I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys... Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I’ll kill it.
my tinder date told me that I shouldn't be using a straw
I quickly respond "I know, I know. It's bad for the environment."
"No," she replied, "it's just a weird way to eat spaghetti."
I found my wife, my soulmate, my best friend on tinder I guess I wasn't invited to the orgy.
There's a cool hidden feature on Tinder Keep on swiping right and girls get fatter
I thought I caught a snorlax on pokemon go turns out i was on tinder
What did Donald Trump say when he matched King Jong Un on tinder? Send Nukes
Tinder can learn a lot from Uber... It's much easier to find a ride on Uber
What the difference between a pizza and a tinder hookup? You slice up the pizza before you enjoy it, not after.
Why can't Mario get a tinder date? His profile picture was him killing a turtle.
My girlfriend Dora found out I installed Tinder. She said, "Swiper no swiping!"
I asked my marine-biologist friend when is Whale Watching season? He said ," Year round if you sign up for Tinder"
I started using tinder, then got a couple matches but... I started a forest fire
Tinder told me there are 50000 hot american singles in my area This vacation in Iran's gonna duck
If the Vatican had it's own Tinder... It would be called Kinder
How can you tell people on Tinder have no friends? Every profile pic is a selfie.
Tinder is used to make a fire But you first need to find a match
As I’ve been super single for the past couple years, I decided to download Tinder and other similar apps. So far, I’ve set up all my profiles and have put my best pictures on them. I guess you could say that I’m up to date.
Why cab you match a Muslim girls on Tinder? Because they have no rights.
I'm very sensitive so I always go after the hardcore dominatrixes when trying to get laid on Tinder Being rejected hurts less
I’ve started a drinking game...
I’ve started a drinking game where every time I match on Tinder, I take a shot.
I’ve been sober for a year.
I found my wife on Tinder. Has she been cheating as long as I have?
Looking through my Tinder inbox for something interesting and not boring... It's like trying to find a needle in a hey-stack.
Me:"I only match with Black chicks on Tinder" Friend:"Well do you have it set to night mode?"
Why do firemen only use bumble to date? Tinder matches feel too much like work.
My luck on Tinder is so bad Even the bots swipe left on me.
Do the majority of girls on Tinder have dandruff? Because most of them are huge flakes.
Tinder is so used they should change their name to "Binder" Cause I've "been there"
What do you call a dating app for domesticated fowl? Chicken Tinder
This one Tinder bot kept hitting on me. So I told her that I wasn't a computer person.
I've been told to take 'hung like a horse' off my tinder profile Apparently My Little Pony doesn't count
My little brother is upset I didn't take him whale watching this season. I told him if you really want to go Whale Watching ,sign up for Tinder. ; It's year-round there
What do you call a scared online date?
Ill see myself out
So what do you call a Jewish dating site? Tinder.
Ÿøû know how I know that there is a widespread obesity epidemic in America? My tinder matches.
My doctor told me to stop eating transfats Man, I'm going to miss Tinder.
After being on tinder for a year I finally got swiped right~! But I swiped left because the profile said, "Must love dogs" and I was actually looking for a woman.
Why does Trump hate Tinder? because it's all fake nudes
Went out for drinks with my tinder date... She ordered the angel shot with lime :(
Met a girl from Tinder tonight. She asked me if I have any problems with alcohol.
Confidently, I replied "Nah, whiskey and I are like best friends!"
Dunno why she left in such a hurry...
I met up with a bear I met on Tinder. When I got there I think she showed me she meant to swipe left judging by the scar on my face.
The only thing worse than finding your girlfriend on Tinder... Is your girlfriend finding you.