Fat Jokes

Contents

Funniest Fat Jokes

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice... Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

Score: 22270

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"... O B C D...

Score: 17833

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits in your wife’s clothes

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Funny Fat Jokes
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What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes? Fat. You get fat.


What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

Score: 11775

A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days Maybe they need to lighten up

Score: 10948

Yo mama's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops

Score: 10733

I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day. I'm tired of being fat every day.

Score: 8484

How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat? If she fits in your wife's clothes.

Score: 7675

I was going to make a fat joke It didn't work out.

Score: 4658

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake? Fat. You get fat.

What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

Score: 3330

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Add a nipple to it.

Score: 2967

I bought my wife a Pug as a present. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.

Score: 2840

Two fat ladies walk into a bar They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

Score: 2313

Stop bullying fat people, it isn't funny They have enough on their plate anyway.

Score: 2133

Don't make fun of fat people with lisps... They're thick and tired of it

Score: 1992

Why is Japan afraid of Kim Jong-un? because they remember what the last fat man did to them

Score: 1970

How to be insulting A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.

He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"

The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 1896

I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 1783

Yo Mama so fat I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas

Score: 1768

A fat man was standing in front of a kindergarten One of the teachers comes and asks him:

"Are you expecting a child?"

"No. I am a bit fat that's all"

Score: 1729

Yo momma is so fat ... She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.

Score: 1714

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Score: 1702

I bought a pug for my wife. Despite the bulging eyes, wrinkles and layers of fat, the pug seemed to like her.

Score: 1684

My friend gets offended when people tell fat jokes. I told her to lighten up.

Score: 1523

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she'll never notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget it. Because elephants never forget.

Score: 1441

"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that or daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."

"That's not going to work."

"Why not?"

"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Score: 1434

My 7 Year Old Cousin just told me this yo mamas so fat when she fell down no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up

Score: 1428

Yo momma is so vegan and fat... ..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.

Score: 1385

If you call a girl pretty, she'll forget after a day. If you call a girl fat, she'll never forget it, because elephants never forget.

Score: 1306

Went to the doctors the other day and said ‘ I’m having loads of trouble hearing people when they speak’ Doctor said ‘ right ok. Can you describe the symptoms?’
I said ‘yeah Marge has blue hair and homer is a fat bloke’

Score: 610

My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me... 'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'

'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'

Score: 339

Why should you never make fun of fat people who have lisps? They're thick and tired of it

Score: 241

You should never tease a fat girl with a lisp. She's probably thick and tired of it.

Score: 147

What do serial killers and fat girls on tinder have in common? They know how to hide their bodies.

Score: 145

We need to stop joking on fat people so much. They have enough on their plate already.

Score: 139

Everyone should stop picking on fat people.. They have enough on their plate already

Score: 104

Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2? Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.

Score: 74

Why don't you make fun of a fat girl with a lisp? She's probably thick and tired of it.

Score: 73

My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means. Thomas, Carl or the fat and ugly one?

Score: 73

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New Fat Jokes

Want to know how to get a fat girl in bed? It’s a piece of cake

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Why is Cardi B named like that? Because she is too fat for Cardi O

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People should just ease up on criticising fat people for their body structure They clearly have enough on their plate

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I always make jokes about everything, but I won't make a joke about fat people... ...because an elephant never forgets.

Score: 5

What do you call a fat person with a crystal ball? Four-chin teller

Score: 19

Why are fat people always friends with other fat people? I guess you could say they just gravitate towards eachother

Score: 15

I really didn’t think I was getting that fat.. Until the lady at McDonalds said “Sorry about your weight”

Score: 20

How do get a fat chick to go to bed with you? Piece of cake!

Score: 5

Since i got fat, the only thing that goes down on me... ...is the computer chair in my office

Score: 5

What do you call a fat knight of the round table? Sir Cumference

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Do you know the secret to getting a fat chick in bed? It's a piece of cake.

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If you know a fat person, leave them alone They've already got a lot on their plate.

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so I went to the bar last night and saw this fat girl dancing on a table... I said "Good legs." The girl giggled and said "You really think so?" I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 68

Why shouldn't you tease a fat girl with a lisp? She's probably thick and tired of it.

Score: 22

You know that quote 'Life is like a box of chocolates'? ...Well it doesn't last long for fat people.

Score: 7

Why are the Japanese so afraid of obese Americans? The last time they let a Fat Man in their country, Nagasaki disappeared.

Score: 6

Do you know how to make 5 pounds of fat look beautiful? Put a nipple on it.

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They call me Joe Fat Fingers And I dobn't kniw whu

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Did you guys hear about the fat geologist? It wasn't a poor diet. It was the sedimentary lifestyle

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They say inside every fat person is a skinny person trying to get out. But that's silly. Surely the skinny people aren't still alive after they eat them.

Score: 15

What looks good on 5-pounds of fat? A nipple.

Score: 25

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"

Johnny: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Johnny: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Johnny: "Homework!"

Score: 36

Ever since my daughter was born people have said, "She looks just like you!" I'm not sure how to take that. I think -- maybe -- they're trying to be nice? But they've literally just said, "Hey, your little girl looks just like a fat, balding middle aged man."

Score: 5

What type of cookies do fat people eat? Four chin cookies.

Score: 4

A fat woman is talking to her doctor... Woman: The problem is obesity runs in my family.

Doctor: No the problem is that no one runs in your family.

Score: 5

What do you call a fat women with a rape whistle.... Optimistic

Score: 9

What do you call a fat Irish werewolf? O'beast

Score: 25

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

What's the best part about dating a fat girl? They always know where they want to eat

Score: 9

Why do you never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp? She's probably thick and tired of it.

Score: 20

If Tumblr was edible It would have alot of trans fat

Score: 38

There's a fat man in a schoolyard. A mother approaches him and asks:

"Are you waiting for a child?"

So he replies:

"No, I'm just fat"

Score: 5

How do you make five pounds of fat fun? Add a nipple.

Score: 7

I don't know what made me feel more fat That my fast food weighed so much in my passenger seat that my car told be to put a seat belt on it or that I was so concerned with its safety that I actually did.

Score: 6

What did the DNA say to the other DNA? “Do these genes make me look fat?”

Score: 14

Q: How do you make five pounds of fat look good? A: Put a nipple on it.

Score: 5

What's a fat kids favourite instrument? The dinner bell

Score: 40

How do you pick up a fat chick? Piece of cake.

Score: 4

Just learned the secret to getting a fat girl in bed.. ..it's a piece of cake

Score: 8

Teachers be like... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Students: "Homework!"

Score: 4

I would tell a joke about fat people, But they have enough on their plate as it is.

Score: 23

One brave student... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

What do Rudolph and your mom have in common? They'll both let fat men with eight bucks ride behind them.

Score: 39

If you call a girl beautiful 1000 times she won't really notice. But if you call her fat once, she will never forget... That's because elephants never forget.

Score: 37

Guys, we should stop making fun of fat people. They have too much on their plates already.

Score: 49

Yo momma's so fat She did a cannonball, and water was found on Mars.

Score: 4

I ran into a fat guy on the way to work Luckily I bounced back

Score: 5

I was told by the vet that i had to put my cat down... So i went home to it and said "You're fat and lazy."

Score: 15

What do you call a fat guy with an unhealthy interest in his mother? Adipose Rex.

Score: 5

How do you tell your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits in your wife's clothes

Score: 15

Do you know how to make 5 lbs of fat look good?. Put a nipple on it!

Score: 7

We should stop making fun of fat people They have too much on their plate already

Score: 65

What do you call a fat man trying out a new tempurpedic mattress? The great depression

Score: 4

What do you call a fat person who judges hippos? Hippo-critical.

Score: 4

I go through condoms like a fat man goes through ice cream! I probably shouldn't have bought the ice cream flavored ones.

Score: 4

How'd you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake..

Score: 36

Fat women are like hydrogen single and abundant

Score: 16

Stop making fun of the fat girl Shes thick and tired of it.

Score: 54

What does a box of chocolate and life have in common? They don't last long for fat people.

Score: 66

I'm suprised that there aren't more fat lesbians... All they ever talk about is eating out.

Score: 19

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