Hilarious Fat Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Fat Jokes

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice... Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

Score: 22270

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"... O B C D...

Score: 17833

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits in your wife’s clothes

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What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes? Fat. You get fat.

What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

Score: 11775

A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days Maybe they need to lighten up

Score: 10948

Yo mama's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops

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I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day. I'm tired of being fat every day.

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How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat? If she fits in your wife's clothes.

Score: 7675

I was going to make a fat joke It didn't work out.

Score: 4658

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake? Fat. You get fat.

What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

Score: 3330

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Add a nipple to it.

Score: 2967

I bought my wife a Pug as a present. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.

Score: 2840

Two fat ladies walk into a bar They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

Score: 2313

Stop bullying fat people, it isn't funny They have enough on their plate anyway.

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Don't make fun of fat people with lisps... They're thick and tired of it

Score: 1992

Why is Japan afraid of Kim Jong-un? because they remember what the last fat man did to them

Score: 1970

How to be insulting A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.

He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"

The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 1896

I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 1783

Yo Mama so fat I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas

Score: 1768

A fat man was standing in front of a kindergarten One of the teachers comes and asks him:

"Are you expecting a child?"

"No. I am a bit fat that's all"

Score: 1729

Yo momma is so fat ... She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.

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Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Score: 1702

I bought a pug for my wife. Despite the bulging eyes, wrinkles and layers of fat, the pug seemed to like her.

Score: 1684

My friend gets offended when people tell fat jokes. I told her to lighten up.

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Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she'll never notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget it. Because elephants never forget.

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"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that or daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."

"That's not going to work."

"Why not?"

"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Score: 1434

My 7 Year Old Cousin just told me this yo mamas so fat when she fell down no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up

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Yo momma is so vegan and fat... ..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.

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If you call a girl pretty, she'll forget after a day. If you call a girl fat, she'll never forget it, because elephants never forget.

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Yo mama so fat... I pictured her in my head and broke my neck.

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Guys come on, we shouldn't give fat people such a hard time. They have enough on their plate already.

Score: 669

Yo momma, she so fat... there's people on the internet who believe she's flat, not round.

Score: 630

Went to the doctors the other day and said ‘ I’m having loads of trouble hearing people when they speak’ Doctor said ‘ right ok. Can you describe the symptoms?’
I said ‘yeah Marge has blue hair and homer is a fat bloke’

Score: 610

I don't see why in this day and age there aren't marches against fat shaming Because marches would definitely solve the problem.

Score: 580

I went to a bar last night and I saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said "Wow, great legs."

She giggled and said "Really?"

I said "Yea, most tables would've collapsed by now."

Score: 497

Life is like a box of chocolates. It ends faster for fat people.

Score: 437

I went to a pub last night and saw a fat girl dancing on a table... I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 381

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?" Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 349

My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me... 'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'

'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'

Score: 339

New Fat Jokes

Want to know how to get a fat girl in bed? It’s a piece of cake

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What do serial killers and fat girls on tinder have in common? They know how to hide their bodies.

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so I went to the bar last night and saw this fat girl dancing on a table... I said "Good legs." The girl giggled and said "You really think so?" I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 68

They call me Joe Fat Fingers And I dobn't kniw whu

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My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said:

“OK, you’re ugly too.”

Score: 111

Why does Japan have so many skinny people? Last time they had a fat man, they lost a city.

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Guy walks up to a fat girl in the bar and asks: "Hey do you have a pen?" She replies: "why yes I do"

Guy: "well you better get back there before the farmer gets mad!"

Score: 62

Yo mama's so fat... when she was diagnosed with a flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 80 years to live.

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I hope NK doesn't name their bombs after their leader... We've already seen what one Fat Man can do to Japan.

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A nude woman is standing in front of her mirror She says to her husband,

"I feel horrible, I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment."

The husband : "your eyesight is perfect."

Score: 31

Wow, nice legs! A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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If you are having trouble being the only fat person in your class... Just remember that Kim Jong-un is the only fat person in his country.

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Why are there so many fat demons? Because they hate exorcising.

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Why should you never make fun of a fat person with a lisp? Because he's thick and tired of it

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What do you a call a really fat psychic? A four chin teller

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If I ever get fat... I'm gonna post before and after photos on the internet. I'll just flip them, so everyone tells me how amazing I used to look.

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What do you call a fat psychic? A 4-chin teller.

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I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?" I said "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 291

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"

Johnny: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Johnny: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Johnny: "Homework!"

Score: 36

-Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky? -Sorry, we only have normal Kit Kat. -That's what I asked for, fat f*ck!

Score: 61

Yo mamma so fat.. that the only reason she opened her email was because she heard it contained spam.

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Wife: "I'm fat, old and ugly, what am I?" Husband: "Right"

Score: 248

Life is like a box of chocolates It dosen't last long for fat people

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Guys, don't make fun of fat people It's not as if they don't have enough on their plate

Score: 233

I went for a run , but came home back after 2 minutes because I forgot something I forgot that I was fat and couldn't run for more than 2 minutes.

Score: 173

How do you make seven pounds of fat look attractive? Put a nipple in the middle of it

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My fat friend told me I have OCD. I told him he had OBCD.

Score: 227

OK guys we need stop the FAT-shaming All filesystems are beautiful

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Why are Japanese people so obsessed with healthy diets? It's because they never want to see another Fat Man in their lives.

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What do you call a fat baby? Heavy infantry.

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Yo momma so fat Not even dolby could surround her

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Went to the doctors with hearing problems.. He says can ya describe the symptoms,

I said yes Homers fat and Marge has blue hair

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Fat people are harder to kidnap But skinny people are worth less at the meat market

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This pregnancy test I just took confirmed my worst fear. I'm just fat.

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Doctor: I understand you're experiencing hearing difficulties. Please describe the symptoms. Patient: Well, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.

^(Posted on behalf of /r/ScottishPeopleTwitter's comment section)

Score: 258

Why do you not make fun of a fat girl with a lisp? Because she is thick and tired of it.

Score: 58

What did the fat kid get for his Birthday? Bullied

Score: 231

Why aren't there any fat girls on the boxes of girl scout cookies? Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.

Score: 63

I bought the wife a Pug dog yesterday. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat The dog seemed to like her

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My wife really wanted a dog, so I bought her a pug. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog really seems to like her.

Score: 256

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

My new neighbour is fat, obnoxious and loud... Now I know how Canada feels

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How can you tell that your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife's clothes.

Score: 134

What do you call a fat lady that can tell your future? A four-chin teller

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You should never tease a fat girl with a lisp. She's probably thick and tired of it.

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If Tumblr was edible It would have alot of trans fat

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What's a fat kids favourite instrument? The dinner bell

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One brave student... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

What do Rudolph and your mom have in common? They'll both let fat men with eight bucks ride behind them.

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Everyone should stop picking on fat people.. They have enough on their plate already

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If you call a girl beautiful 1000 times she won't really notice. But if you call her fat once, she will never forget... That's because elephants never forget.

Score: 37

Guys, we should stop making fun of fat people. They have too much on their plates already.

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Why should you never make fun of fat people who have lisps? They're thick and tired of it

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We should stop making fun of fat people They have too much on their plate already

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We need to stop joking on fat people so much. They have enough on their plate already.

Score: 139

Yo momma's so fat that objects 5 meters away accelerate at 1 m/s^2 toward her. What is yo momma's mass if G = 6.67x10^-11Nm^2/kg^2? Please, someone help me, I can't solve it and it's making me nuts.

Score: 74

Why don't you make fun of a fat girl with a lisp? She's probably thick and tired of it.

Score: 73

How'd you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake..

Score: 36

Stop making fun of the fat girl Shes thick and tired of it.

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What does a box of chocolate and life have in common? They don't last long for fat people.

Score: 66