Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice...
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget
Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"... O B C D...
How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits in your wife’s clothes
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat. You get fat.
What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?
A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days Maybe they need to lighten up
Yo mama's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops
I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day. I'm tired of being fat every day.
How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat? If she fits in your wife's clothes.
I was going to make a fat joke It didn't work out.
What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?
Fat. You get fat.
What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Add a nipple to it.
I bought my wife a Pug as a present. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.
Two fat ladies walk into a bar
They order drinks, in a thick accent.
"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.
Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"
"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"
Stop bullying fat people, it isn't funny They have enough on their plate anyway.
Don't make fun of fat people with lisps... They're thick and tired of it
Why is Japan afraid of Kim Jong-un? because they remember what the last fat man did to them
How to be insulting
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
I went to the doctors with hearing problems...
He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"
Yo Mama so fat I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas
A fat man was standing in front of a kindergarten
One of the teachers comes and asks him:
"Are you expecting a child?"
"No. I am a bit fat that's all"
Yo momma is so fat ... She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
I bought a pug for my wife. Despite the bulging eyes, wrinkles and layers of fat, the pug seemed to like her.
My friend gets offended when people tell fat jokes. I told her to lighten up.
Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she'll never notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget it. Because elephants never forget.
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
"I have to do that or daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work."
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
My 7 Year Old Cousin just told me this yo mamas so fat when she fell down no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up
Yo momma is so vegan and fat... ..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.
If you call a girl pretty, she'll forget after a day. If you call a girl fat, she'll never forget it, because elephants never forget.
My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me...
'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'
'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'
What do you a call a really fat psychic? A four chin teller
Guys, don't make fun of fat people It's not as if they don't have enough on their plate
I got hammered last night and woke up next to some fat old lady that was snoring. So I guess I made it home okay...
Fat girl on a table
I went to bar , and there was a fat girl dancing on the tables
" nice legs" I said
" you think so?" She replied
" Sure,most tables would have collapsed by now!"
Do you know how to tell when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's clothing.
What do you call a skinny person that identifies as obese? A trans fat
Everyone should stop picking on fat people.. They have enough on their plate already
My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means. Thomas, Carl or the fat and ugly one?
Why don't you make fun of a fat girl with a lisp? She's probably thick and tired of it.
I'm not saying my neighbor's dog is fat But she's more than a little husky.
What do you call a fat guy in a bathtub? Tubby
Why is Cardi B named like that? Because she is too fat for Cardi O
I have lots of jokes to tell about fat people and doors But they just never seem to fit
People should just ease up on criticising fat people for their body structure They clearly have enough on their plate
I’m really fat but I feel skinny on the inside So I identify as translender
How do you burn calories very quickly? Light a fat kid on fire.
A fat weatherman who enjoys watch collecting? I’d call him a meaty horologist
I always make jokes about everything, but I won't make a joke about fat people... ...because an elephant never forgets.
How do you make 2lbs of ugly fat attractive? Put a nipple on it!
What do you call a fat person with a crystal ball? Four-chin teller
Not all jokes work out That's why I'm fat.
I told the corn he wasn't fat, just a little husky. He didn't know how to take the compliment tho I guess it went against the grain.
I really didn’t think I was getting that fat.. Until the lady at McDonalds said “Sorry about your weight”
How do get a fat chick to go to bed with you? Piece of cake!
Since i got fat, the only thing that goes down on me... ...is the computer chair in my office
What do you call a fat knight of the round table? Sir Cumference
Look, I'm gonna teach you how to fulfill your fat fetish and help you seduce someone fat. Trust me I've easily done it before. It's a piece of cake.
What do you call it when a fat person gets an abortion? Lifosuction
Do you know the secret to getting a fat chick in bed? It's a piece of cake.
Teacher: Kids, what do you get from the chicken?
Teacher: Very good! Now what do you get from the fat pig?
Teacher: Great! And what do you get from the fat cow?
Little Johnny: Homework!
I was at the bar chatting up a physics major
I said: "Are you gravity, 'cause I find you very attractive?"
I was surprised when she said she didn't like fat jokes. All I did was say she's attractive.
You know that quote 'Life is like a box of chocolates'? ...Well it doesn't last long for fat people.
Why are the Japanese so afraid of obese Americans? The last time they let a Fat Man in their country, Nagasaki disappeared.
You can call a woman beatiful as many times as you want
But call her fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget
Which city do Fat people live in? Obesity.
They say inside every fat person is a skinny person trying to get out. But that's silly. Surely the skinny people aren't still alive after they eat them.
I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly. It's a real breath of fresh air.
What looks good on 5-pounds of fat? A nipple.
What type of cookies do fat people eat? Four chin cookies.
A fat woman is talking to her doctor...
Woman: The problem is obesity runs in my family.
Doctor: No the problem is that no one runs in your family.
What do you call a fat women with a rape whistle.... Optimistic
What do fat white girls and bricks have in common? Chances are they were laid by a Mexican
How do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller
What do you call a fat Irish werewolf? O'beast
I went to the doctors about my hearing..
I went to the doctors about my hearing and the doctors asked me "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said "Yeah, Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair"
Do you know what animals give you?
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
What's the best part about dating a fat girl? They always know where they want to eat
How to seduce a fat chick? Piece of cake.
Fat people are like spiders: I'm not afraid of them, they just gross me out.
I don't know what made me feel more fat That my fast food weighed so much in my passenger seat that my car told be to put a seat belt on it or that I was so concerned with its safety that I actually did.
Just learned the secret to getting a fat girl in bed.. ..it's a piece of cake
I would tell a joke about fat people, But they have enough on their plate as it is.
What do Rudolph and your mom have in common? They'll both let fat men with eight bucks ride behind them.
If you call a girl beautiful 1000 times she won't really notice. But if you call her fat once, she will never forget... That's because elephants never forget.
A man went to club one night, saw a fat girl dancing on the table and said "Nice Legs"
The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so!"
The man said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now"
Guys, we should stop making fun of fat people. They have too much on their plates already.
What do you call a fat guy with an unhealthy interest in his mother? Adipose Rex.
Call a beautiful women, beautiful she will never remember Call a Fat Women Fat and She will never forget, because elephants never forget
What does a waiter say to a fat person when it takes a long time to bring out the fat person's food? Sorry about your weight
Do you know how to make 5 lbs of fat look good?. Put a nipple on it!
What do you call a person who hates fat people? Weighcist
I go through condoms like a fat man goes through ice cream! I probably shouldn't have bought the ice cream flavored ones.
What did the wise man say to the fat guy? You should probably go on a diet.
How'd you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake..
What do you say when someone asks you to make a fat person leave? "Piece of cake."
Stop making fun of the fat girl Shes thick and tired of it.
What does a box of chocolate and life have in common? They don't last long for fat people.
Why is a day at the office the same as Christmas? Because you do all the work, and the fat guy with the suit gets all of the credit.
Why are fat people like relationships? Most of them don't work out.