Fat Jokes

Contents

Funniest Fat Jokes

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice... Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

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Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"... O B C D...

Score: 17833

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits in your wife’s clothes

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Funny Fat Jokes
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What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes? Fat. You get fat.


What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

Score: 11775

A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days Maybe they need to lighten up

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Yo mama's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops

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I wish I could see what it was like to be fat for just one day. I'm tired of being fat every day.

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How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat? If she fits in your wife's clothes.

Score: 7675

I was going to make a fat joke It didn't work out.

Score: 4658

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake? Fat. You get fat.

What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

Score: 3330

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Add a nipple to it.

Score: 2967

I bought my wife a Pug as a present. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.

Score: 2840

Two fat ladies walk into a bar They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

Score: 2313

Stop bullying fat people, it isn't funny They have enough on their plate anyway.

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Don't make fun of fat people with lisps... They're thick and tired of it

Score: 1992

Why is Japan afraid of Kim Jong-un? because they remember what the last fat man did to them

Score: 1970

How to be insulting A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.

He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"

The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 1896

I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 1783

Yo Mama so fat I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas

Score: 1768

A fat man was standing in front of a kindergarten One of the teachers comes and asks him:

"Are you expecting a child?"

"No. I am a bit fat that's all"

Score: 1729

Yo momma is so fat ... She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.

Score: 1714

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Score: 1702

I bought a pug for my wife. Despite the bulging eyes, wrinkles and layers of fat, the pug seemed to like her.

Score: 1684

My friend gets offended when people tell fat jokes. I told her to lighten up.

Score: 1523

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she'll never notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget it. Because elephants never forget.

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"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that or daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."

"That's not going to work."

"Why not?"

"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Score: 1434

My 7 Year Old Cousin just told me this yo mamas so fat when she fell down no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up

Score: 1428

Yo momma is so vegan and fat... ..that she ate a meal and got arrested for deforestation.

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If you call a girl pretty, she'll forget after a day. If you call a girl fat, she'll never forget it, because elephants never forget.

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My wife looked at herself in the mirror and said to me... 'All I see is a fat, ugly woman, can you say something nice about me to make me feel better'

'Of course' I replied 'Your eyesight is perfect'

Score: 339

What do you a call a really fat psychic? A four chin teller

Score: 301

Guys, don't make fun of fat people It's not as if they don't have enough on their plate

Score: 233

I got hammered last night and woke up next to some fat old lady that was snoring. So I guess I made it home okay...

Score: 193

What do you call a skinny person that identifies as obese? A trans fat

Score: 120

Everyone should stop picking on fat people.. They have enough on their plate already

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How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake.

Score: 94

I went for a run and got back two minutes later because I forgot something, I forgot I'm fat and can't run for more than two minutes.

Score: 92

My wife always tells me that I treat my kid unfair. I don't even know which one she means. Thomas, Carl or the fat and ugly one?

Score: 73

What does a box of chocolate and life have in common? They don't last long for fat people.

Score: 66

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New Fat Jokes

Why is Cardi B named like that? Because she is too fat for Cardi O

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People should just ease up on criticising fat people for their body structure They clearly have enough on their plate

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I’m really fat but I feel skinny on the inside So I identify as translender

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How’s do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits in your wife’s clothes.

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I always make jokes about everything, but I won't make a joke about fat people... ...because an elephant never forgets.

Score: 5

I made fun of fat men and I became fat I teased the bald men and I became bald. Now I only make fun of the rich

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Not all jokes work out That's why I'm fat.

Score: 4

I really didn’t think I was getting that fat.. Until the lady at McDonalds said “Sorry about your weight”

Score: 20

How do get a fat chick to go to bed with you? Piece of cake!

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Since i got fat, the only thing that goes down on me... ...is the computer chair in my office

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What do you call a fat knight of the round table? Sir Cumference

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Do you know the secret to getting a fat chick in bed? It's a piece of cake.

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Why is Japan such a healthy nation? Last time they had a fat man 60,000 people died

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Teacher: Kids, what do you get from the chicken? Kids: Eggs!
Teacher: Very good! Now what do you get from the fat pig?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what do you get from the fat cow?
Little Johnny: Homework!

Score: 4

An ant called me fat and stupid! I'm not that hurt though. I know it was just a microagression.

Score: 5

I was at the bar chatting up a physics major I said: "Are you gravity, 'cause I find you very attractive?"

I was surprised when she said she didn't like fat jokes. All I did was say she's attractive.

Score: 4

You know that quote 'Life is like a box of chocolates'? ...Well it doesn't last long for fat people.

Score: 7

Why are the Japanese so afraid of obese Americans? The last time they let a Fat Man in their country, Nagasaki disappeared.

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Why did the army sergeant only accept fat recruits into his squad? He wanted to say he had large privates.

Score: 65

Why is Obesity Illegal in Japan? Because the last time there was a fat man in their country, thousands died.

Score: 9

They say inside every fat person is a skinny person trying to get out. But that's silly. Surely the skinny people aren't still alive after they eat them.

Score: 15

I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly. It's a real breath of fresh air.

Score: 19

What looks good on 5-pounds of fat? A nipple.

Score: 25

What type of cookies do fat people eat? Four chin cookies.

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A fat woman is talking to her doctor... Woman: The problem is obesity runs in my family.

Doctor: No the problem is that no one runs in your family.

Score: 5

What do you call a fat women with a rape whistle.... Optimistic

Score: 9

How do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller

Score: 10

What do you call a fat Irish werewolf? O'beast

Score: 25

I went to the doctors about my hearing.. I went to the doctors about my hearing and the doctors asked me "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Yeah, Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 55

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

What's the best part about dating a fat girl? They always know where they want to eat

Score: 9

How to seduce a fat chick? Piece of cake.

Score: 6

I don't know what made me feel more fat That my fast food weighed so much in my passenger seat that my car told be to put a seat belt on it or that I was so concerned with its safety that I actually did.

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Just learned the secret to getting a fat girl in bed.. ..it's a piece of cake

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I would tell a joke about fat people, But they have enough on their plate as it is.

Score: 23

What do Rudolph and your mom have in common? They'll both let fat men with eight bucks ride behind them.

Score: 39

If you call a girl beautiful 1000 times she won't really notice. But if you call her fat once, she will never forget... That's because elephants never forget.

Score: 37

A man went to club one night, saw a fat girl dancing on the table and said "Nice Legs" The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so!"
The man said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now"

Score: 38

Guys, we should stop making fun of fat people. They have too much on their plates already.

Score: 49

What do you call a fat guy with an unhealthy interest in his mother? Adipose Rex.

Score: 5

Call a beautiful women, beautiful she will never remember Call a Fat Women Fat and She will never forget, because elephants never forget

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What does a waiter say to a fat person when it takes a long time to bring out the fat person's food? Sorry about your weight

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Do you know how to make 5 lbs of fat look good?. Put a nipple on it!

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What do you call a person who hates fat people? Weighcist

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We should stop making fun of fat people They have too much on their plate already

Score: 65

What do you call a fat man trying out a new tempurpedic mattress? The great depression

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I go through condoms like a fat man goes through ice cream! I probably shouldn't have bought the ice cream flavored ones.

Score: 4

My Zombie Friend was getting fat. So his doctor put him on a diet. It was a no-brainer.

Score: 5

What did the Physics professor say to the fat kid in school? "You've got a lot of potential!"

Score: 3

I like my women like I like my file systems..... FAT & 32.

Score: 14

How'd you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake..

Score: 36

Italian restaurant. I went to my local Italian restaurant last night, but there was a large fat woman standing at the entrance.

I couldn't get pasta.

Score: 26

What do you say when someone asks you to make a fat person leave? "Piece of cake."

Score: 16

Stop making fun of the fat girl Shes thick and tired of it.

Score: 54

Why is a day at the office the same as Christmas? Because you do all the work, and the fat guy with the suit gets all of the credit.

Score: 45

What do my relationships and fat people have in common? They never work out.

Score: 19

What do pennies and fat chicks have in common? Unless you're broke and desperate, they're not worth picking up.

Score: 7

Life is like a box of chocolates It doesn't last very long for fat people

Score: 5

What is 88? 69 for fat people.

Score: 26

Why are fat people like relationships? Most of them don't work out.

Score: 21

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