Chicken Jokes

Contents

Funniest Chicken Jokes

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark? A chicken.

Joke from my daughter Her: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Me: Why?

Her: To get to the ugly guy's house.

Me:???

Her: Knock knock

Me: Who's there?

Her: It's the chicken!

Funny Chicken Jokes

They say you are what you eat... today I bought some ready to eat chicken and sure enough I was ready to eat chicken.

What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common? They both contain high amounts of trans fats.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape Kim Jong Un's long range missiles.

How did the chicken cross the street in the ghetto In a bucket

A man goes to a Halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg. The answer is the chicken.

Why do chicken coops have 2 doors? Because if they had 4 doors, they would be chicken sedans.

Two blondes meet at a busy chicken market A: If I can guess how many chickens you have in that bag, can I have one?

B: You can have both

A: Three

What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights? A chicken

What do you call a Japanese chicken that likes bondage? Hen-tie

Teacher: "Kids, what does the fluffy chicken give you?" Students: Eggs!

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pink pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Students: "Homework!"

Where was the first chicken fried? In Greece.

My four favorite things My four favorite things are chicken pot pie and omitting commas.

I have a chicken proof lawn… It's impeccable…

I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far. This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.

I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery... He thanked me.

I saw a chicken staring angrily at the road I wondered, "Why did the road cross the chicken?"

When your Dad is a math teacher you grow up with jokes like this... Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?

A: To get to the same side!

I made a chicken salad this morning. Stupid thing didn't even eat it.

I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row. I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

I just grilled a chicken for 8 hours. And it still didn't tell me why it crossed the road.

Why did the chicken cross the road? No one knows. *But the road will have his vengeance.*

Chicken and an egg A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken lights up a cigarette. The egg, with a dissatisfied look on it's face, rolls over and remarks, "Well, I guess we answered that question."

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the ref was blowing fouls.

Why did the chicken get an ouija board? To contact those who had crossed over to the other side.

Why did the chicken cross the road? He saw a sign at the front of a building that said "chicken strips for $2"

I lost my job as a waiter when I served one of the customers his food. On the downside, I got chicken all over my tennis racket.

Why did the chicken kill herself? To get to the other side.

Which side of the chicken has more feathers? The outside

Why did the black man cross the road? To eat the chicken

A turkey was about to cross the road... when a chicken appeared and said "dont do that that, you will never hear the end of it"

Ordered 4 drinks at McDonald's..... ....so they wouldn't think all 50 chicken nuggets were for me.

From my 9 year old niece...”What is it called when a chicken is staring at a salad?” Chicken sees a salad.

Just made a chicken salad... Not even sure if chicken's like salad, but I guess we're about to find out

Chicken walks into a bar Bartender says: "Wrong joke, yours is across the road?"

A priest, a rabbi, and a chicken walk into a bar. The bartender says "Nope! We don't do jokes here, get out!"
And the chicken says, "Come on guys, I know a place across the street."

Why did Mozart kill his chicken? Because when he asked the chicken "Who's the best composer" the chicken said "Bach, Bach, Bach"

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? [This joke isn't available for EU users]

Popular Topics

New Chicken Jokes

So he could watch Jeopardy. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Reporter to the world’s first trillionaire: “Sir, what are you going to do with all that money?”. “I can buy a chicken and some bread now!”, says Abou, while walking out of his bank in Zimbabwe

A chicken can jump higher than Empire state building... It's true because buildings can't jump.

The waiter said to me “I just want to let you know that kids eat for free.” I said “Good! I’ll take a water and some chicken tenders, and my daughter will have a steak and a kids Bud Light.”

Why didn't the chicken go down the slide? He de-slided not to!!!!! Ha ha.... I have no friends

Why did the vulture cross the road? Because the chicken didn't make it.

A guy walks into his home with a chicken under his arm... Husband: "here's the cow I've been sleeping with"

Wife: "that's not a cow that's a chicken"

Husband: "I wasn't talking to you"

Why did the rooster go to KFC? He wanted to see a chicken strip

I was making chicken noises in class Got a detention for using fowl language

Why did the chicken cross the road? To find people who care about its cake day.

A chicken pie in Jamaica costs €2.00 A chicken pie in Trinidad costs €2.15 A chicken pie in St Kitts costs €2.40 These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

A chicken walks in a bar and orders a drink The bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food."

There was a bad storm that broke the chicken coop causing a farmer to lose a few chickens. After the storm he asked his farm hand how many chickens were left.

“16 chickens, sir.”

“Alright, round them up, please.”

“20 chickens, sir.”

Started a chicken dating website. It's not my full time job, just doing it to make hens meet.

I put my USDA inspected chicken strip in my wallet. Now my legal tender is safe.

I have a chicken proof lawn... It's impeccable.

There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin

My science teacher told us this James Bond says to a chicken, "I'm Bond, James Bond." The chicken turns and says, "Well I'm Ken, Chic-ken."

I'll see myself out...

You can't fool me. I know chicken fried rice isn't real. You expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice?

Why did the depressed chicken stop in the middle of the road? To get to the Other Side

Having a girl as a friend is like having a chicken as a pet.. Sooner or later you're gonna want to eat it

Chicken pot pie. My 3 favorite things.

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a pitbull? Just the pitbull.

The difference between chicken salad and egg salad... Is largely timing.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The rooster came first.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get out of the range of the North Korean missiles

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? It was from subway and could only make it half way.

I fed my chickens a chicken wing... I guess you could say they enjoyed themselves. *ba dum tss*

What animal spins around about 200 times after it dies? A rotisserie chicken

I ate a salad today and it contained both eggs and chicken I didn't know where to start.

Why did the chicken love Campbell's Soup? Because his family had stock in the company.

Why did the chicken fall in the well? He couldn't see that well.

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? It heard the referee was blowing fowls

My 8 year old son wrote this... What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?

A poultry-geist.

What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce? Chicken Caesar Salad

Why did the Chicken go to KFC? To see a chicken strip.

An African lady named Betty came into my restaurant today and asked, "Is there any chicken on the menu?" I replied, "No, Black Betty, it's ham or lamb."

Which side of a chicken has more feathers? The outside

Did you hear about the family of racist chicken detectives? They're called the Clue Clucks Clan

Mexican word of the day Mexican word of the day: Chicken Wing

My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing some money.

Popular Topics

Long Chicken Jokes

My grandfather died and I inherited some of his clothes.

He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens on them.

After a few decades of this, my grandfather had amassed several dozen neckties, each one with cartoonish images of chickens flying around, laying eggs, and doing other chicken things. I always complimented him on the newest addition to his collection.

When he died a couple of years ago, he bequeathed them to me in his will. When my grandmother handed me the bag full of them, my eyes welled with tears and I smiled thinking about my grandfather looking in the mirror and straightening his tie.

Why am I telling you all of this back story? Because the last time I tried to tell this to someone and I didn't give context, they thought it was weird that I was so excited about inheriting my dead grandfather's hen tie collection.

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital.

Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she's all good, it's just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors.

Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he's out of a job and he's stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he'll drink himself to death.

So the horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "why the long face?"

In Jamaica

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

A young cowboy walks into the saloon.

He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chicken congee.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse. The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the congee back into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

Chicken Surprise

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’,
The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband. He hadn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down..

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

‘Please sir,’ says the waiter, ‘what you order?’

The husband replies, ‘Chicken Surprise’

‘Ah! So sorry,’ says the waiter, ‘I bring you Peeking Duck

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster...

and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "yeah, I've got this great rooster, named randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem"

well, Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. so, he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money, and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.

Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and Randy took off like a shot ~WHAM~ He nails every hen in there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer is just shocked. Randy runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake ~WHAM~ he gets all the geese. Randy's up in the pigpen. He's in with the cows. Randy is jumping on every animal the farmer owns.

The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Randy dead as a doorknob in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself." Randy opens one eye, nods towards the sky and says, "Shhh. They're getting closer..."

A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain..

She can't speak Spanish. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt & show her thighs to enable the seller understand her... This went on for sometime. One day, she wanted to buy banana, so she took her husband to the shop..

Because her husband speaks Spanish very well.

A senior citizen is pulled over by a state trooper for speeding.

The trooper says, “If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.” The old gentleman replies, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.” The trooper frowns. “That’s a repost, sir. You’re under arrest. I’m afraid I have to take you to r/jokes jail.”



On his first day in Joke Jail, the old man enters the prison yard to see a long, single-file line of inmates. A single guard stands at the front, heavily muscled and covered in tattoos. He points at a man in a nun’s costume. “Who’re you?” the guard asks. The man replies, “I’m the bus driver!” Before anyone can react, the guard begins to pummel the bus driver, beating him into unconsciousness. Next in line is a small chicken. The guard looks down, “Why are you here?” The chicken replies, “I crossed the road.” The guard beats the chicken into unconsciousness as well. The old man reaches the front of the line, and barely stammers out the reason for his arrest before he, too, is badly beaten.



Day after day this goes on, with the senior citizen wearily growing used to the routine. After almost a year, though, the old man enters the prison yard, only to find that the guard is absent. The man begins to panic, tearing at his hair and clothes. The bus driver ambles up: “Is somethin’ the matter, old man?”



The old man shrieks, “This is awful! Simply horrible! I could live with being a repost, but now there’s not even a punch-line!”

A man is staying at an old fashioned pub/inn

Downstairs in the tavern he is drinking before retiring to his room. The innkeep approaches him and proposes a challenge. He has a magical chicken that will grant him one wish if he can beat her in a trivia contest. The man is bemused but accepts the challenge, figuring there’s no harm in indulging him.

The man brings out the hen from the back room. The innkeep explains that she only speaks Spanish, but he will translate. The man also speaks Spanish so they decide to have the contest in Spanish.

They begin the trivia battle and the chicken wins decisively. The hen speaks perfectly Spanish and answers every question accurately. The man is blown away, a little disappointed not to get his wish but deciding that the novelty of a genius talking chicken was worth the time anyway. He tells in the innkeep about how he didn’t anticipate having such an interesting evening.

The innkeeper laughs and says

“No one expects the Spanish Inn quiz wish hen.”

A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...

The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:

"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."

The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"

To which the man responds:

"Man, that's exactly what I did!"

Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas.

The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary.

Every other word was an expletive; those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. Nothing worked.

He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, and the bird got madder and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was absolute quiet.

Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavour to correct my behaviour".

Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the Chicken did?"

A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home.

But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson.

He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, “I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness.” The man says, “Well, thank you. I forgive you.”

The parrot then says, “If you don’t mind my asking, what did the chicken do?”

A Chicken walked into a Library

The chicken walking into a library, went up to the Librarian, and said "Book book book"

So the librarian gave the chicken 3 books. The chicken left, and came back around 15 minutes later, to return the books, and again, Said "Book book book"

Again, The chicken left for 15 minutes, and brought the books back, only to repeat "Book Book Book"

This happened another 3 times, when finally the 5th time, the librarian followed the chicken out of the library. So she followed the chicken down to the closest swamp.

He brought the books down for a frog to read.

But everytime he brought the books, the frog said __"Readit readit readit"__

A man once bought a parrot

After bringing it home, he realizes that the parrot has the most vile, filthy vulgar vocabulary. The man, on the other hand, was educated and polite and this caused him great embarrassment.
After a few days, the man has had enough and tells the parrot "If you don't behave yourself, I'm going to throw you in the closet". The parrot responds with a load of filth, so the man throws him in the closet.
The parrot continues to spew garbage from the closet, so the man opens the closet and grabs the parrot with both hands. The parrot continues to curse and slander as the man walks to the kitchen, opens the freezer, throws the parrot in there and slams it shut.
As the man listens, the parrot curses for a few seconds, but then suddenly, it goes silent. A few minutes go by and the man is worried that maybe the parrot died, so he opens the freezer door. The parrot comes out with trembling feet, climbs up on the man's shoulder and says "Master, you will not hear another uncultured word come out of my mouth as long as I live. But Master, may I ask one last question?"
The man is astonished at this sudden change and says "Uhmm sure"
The parrot says "What exactly did the chicken do?"

One day a farmer discovers he has a talking horse

So, after talking to it for awhile, the horse decides that it wants to learn how to play guitar. So the farmer does the only logical thing, and buys the horse a guitar. Somehow, the horse learns how to play the guitar, and tours the country on talk shows, concerts, and even meeting the president. The farmer becomes rich, but still prefers the quiet of his farm, so he returns back to the farm. The horse still goes all over, now that he's been hired as a live musician for several talk shows, but he returns to the farm every so often to check in with the farmer and the farm animals. After a few months, the farmer discovers that a chicken can speak as well, and has a burning desire to play the drums. Despite the obvious punchline, the farmer buys a specialty set of drums for the chicken. The chicken forms a two animal band with the horse, and they tour the country, produce a few CD's, and make the farmer even more money. Soon, more animals, a donkey and a sheep join the band as the singer and the bassist. The chicken, sheep, and donkey are going to their next concert, but the horse flies back to the farm to find the farmer, sadly, dead in his bed. Never having experienced such deep sadness, the horse does what his human companions taught him: he goes to the bar, where he sees a newspaper that says the flight the sheep, donkey, and chicken crashed into the mountains, and none survived. The horse walks up to the bar, tears flowing from his eyes. The bartender looks up at the horse, and says "Why the long face?"

Some animals are more equal than others..

One day, a horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking.

He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mudhole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

The Rude Parrot

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren't expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream-then suddenly, there was quiet.

David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness." David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, "May I ask what did the chicken do?"

"You don't know Jack Schitt!"

Jack is the only son of O. Schitt and Awe Schitt. O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents objections, Deep Schitt married Dump Schitt, a high school drop-out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Mr. Scherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspapers announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. They created a bumper sticker and made millions. You've probably seen it...

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new bride Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them and inform them of your more than deep knowledge of the family tree.

A horse is bored, so he's sitting at home watching MTV

This was back when MTV played music videos. So, he's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital.

Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she's all good, it's just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors.

Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he's out of a job and he's stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he'll drink himself to death.

So the horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "why the long face?"

A guy adopts a pink parrot from an old sailor....

unfortunately, it swears like an old sailor. He tries everything to get it to stop. He even destroyed the parrot's old cage, but that just made it worse. Then he noticed his mom coming up to the house. What could he do? He couldn't let his dear sweet mother hear this foul mouthed bird. So, he placed the bird in the freezer until he could get rid of his mom. They have some small talk and he is able to get her on her way. He runs back and lets the parrot out of the freezer. The parrot says, "Pardon me sir for my prior foul language. I promise you that it will never happen again."

"Well good, thank you."

"May I ask you a question?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"What did the chicken do?"

Popular Topics