Colonoscopy Jokes

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonoscopy? A Cameron Diaz

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Funny Colonoscopy Jokes
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So I had a colonoscopy today... While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection"

"I haven't got an erection," I said.

"No, but I have." he replied.

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What they tell you in the colonoscopy waiting room km13e4yv9ReZNQSVKwx5G9xrGfpM1O

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The weirdest part about my colonoscopy was the doctor telling me that I’d feel a bit of pressure, but both of his hands were on my shoulders.

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I would rather have a colonoscopy than read twitter comments With a colonoscopy there's only a CHANCE you'll find cancer.

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After I had my colonoscopy, the proctologist asked if I had any questions. Apparently "Do you do birthday parties?" was the wrong answer.

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I got my colonoscopy results The doctor gave me two thumbs up!

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I forgot to pay my colonoscopy bill. Now I’m in arrears.

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Had a colonoscopy the other day, Worst dentist appointment I've ever had.

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I've been waiting for an hour in the doctors waiting to be called back for my colonoscopy... Guess they are really backed up today

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Yo Momma so ugly She goes to the dentist for a colonoscopy.

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Did you hear about the golfer who started a colonoscopy clinic? He does 18 holes a day.

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Got one of those take home Colonoscopy kits... The results were really hard to swallow.

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Colonoscopy A man gets released from his first colonoscopy into the recovery room. His wife and doctor arrive bedside to discuss the results of his operation. Before the doctor can open his mouth, the wife says "Did you find his head?"

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My English professor had a colonoscopy... Turns out he had colon cancer so he had to have surgery to remove the tumor. Now he has a semi-colon.

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Great news America! The results from President Trump's colonoscopy test are back! They found his head…

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I was so nervous for my colonoscopy.. During the procedure, the doctor had both hands on my shoulders.

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The doctors think I might have cancer, and have scheduled a colonoscopy for tomorrow afternoon. They said they wanted to have a look and see if they could get to the bottom of it.

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That new vet really screwed up my pig's colonoscopy He's pretty ham-fisted

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What should the real name for a colonoscopy be? A colonoscopoo.

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I recently had a colonoscopy... I learned that my wife is wrong and my head is not up there.

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What's the difference between a colonoscopy and an endoscopy? The taste.

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*Priest at a colonoscopy* "So that's what it's like.."

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What do you call a colonoscopy on a donkey? An assassin.

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Someone I know gave a really deep speech to convince me to go for a colonoscopy What else can I say?
Something touched me deep inside.

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What did the dog say to the man after his colonoscopy? Rough

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My first colonoscopy.. ...wasn't that bad. Once the sedatives wore off, I was surprised how little pain I was in. I just couldn't figure out how the doctor did it with both hands on my shoulders.

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I went in for my colonoscopy, and asked my doctor how his day was going. He said "I've been dealing with assh-les all day."

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The best hand of all Had some buddies over to play poker the night before my colonoscopy.

It was quite a game, flush after flush after flush.

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the doctor telling me that I’d feel a bit of pressure, but both of his hands were on my shoulders. The weirdest part about my colonoscopy was

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