Colonoscopy Jokes

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Funniest Colonoscopy Jokes

Funny Colonoscopy Jokes

So I had a colonoscopy today... While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection"

"I haven't got an erection," I said.

"No, but I have." he replied.

What they tell you in the colonoscopy waiting room km13e4yv9ReZNQSVKwx5G9xrGfpM1O

The weirdest part about my colonoscopy was the doctor telling me that I’d feel a bit of pressure, but both of his hands were on my shoulders.

If 2020 were a drink, what would it be? A colonoscopy prep.

I would rather have a colonoscopy than read twitter comments With a colonoscopy there's only a CHANCE you'll find cancer.

I got my colonoscopy results The doctor gave me two thumbs up!

I forgot to pay my colonoscopy bill. Now I’m in arrears.

Had a colonoscopy the other day, Worst dentist appointment I've ever had.

Did you hear about the golfer who started a colonoscopy clinic? He does 18 holes a day.

Got one of those take home Colonoscopy kits... The results were really hard to swallow.

Colonoscopy A man gets released from his first colonoscopy into the recovery room. His wife and doctor arrive bedside to discuss the results of his operation. Before the doctor can open his mouth, the wife says "Did you find his head?"

Great news America! The results from President Trump's colonoscopy test are back! They found his head…

The doctors think I might have cancer, and have scheduled a colonoscopy for tomorrow afternoon. They said they wanted to have a look and see if they could get to the bottom of it.

Someone I know gave a really deep speech to convince me to go for a colonoscopy What else can I say?
Something touched me deep inside.

What should the real name for a colonoscopy be? A colonoscopoo.

I had a colonoscopy yesterday everything came out ok but i was the butt of every joke

What's the difference between a colonoscopy and an endoscopy? The taste.

That new vet really screwed up my pig's colonoscopy He's pretty ham-fisted

What do you call a colonoscopy on a donkey? An assassin.

Glad we got to the colonoscopy appointment early There was an assload of people that came in after us.

I had a colonoscopy yesterday and I think the doctor must have got carried away. I said to him, "Can you back that up a little, it's irritating my tonsils.

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Long Colonoscopy Jokes

Dr. Visit for a colonoscopy

I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed that there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: a Tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove and a beer.

When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?

At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse........


Darn it Evelyn!!!!!!!!!!! I said a BUTT LIGHT"

An elderly gentleman goes in for his usual colonoscopy exam....

As he lay on his side on the table, the doctor got ready to do the examination.

As the doctor was going in, he looked at the patient and smiled and said, "Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection."

The patient, embarrassed, stated earnestly, "But I haven't got an erection."

The doctor said, "No, but I do."

A man wakes up after a follow-up colonoscopy -- a soon-to-be biannual tradition...

A man wakes up after a follow-up colonoscopy -- a soon-to-be biannual tradition due to some troubling polyps discovered (and subsequently removed) from his colon months earlier -- and asks his doctor how the procedure went.

"Hakuna matata," the doctor said.

"Great!" replied the man, "So there are no worries for the rest of my days? No more follow-ups needed?"

"No, no" replied the doctor. "I merely meant that it was a problem-free colonoscopy."

Colonoscopy Small Talk

Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. And yet they’re as popular as, well, a colonoscopy. Here are comments purportedly made by patients to physicians during their procedures.

“Now I know how a Muppet feels!”

“Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?”

“Any sign of the trapped miners, chief?”

Source: Dave Barry, in the Miami Herald

Colonoscopy/Reverse Endoscopy

I had to get a Colonoscopy today.... No joke, but this is my little funny story...

It was day surgery, I prepped the night before, get changed into my gown & lay down on the operation table.

The anaesthetist asked me for my name, age & what procedure I am here to get. (To work out if I'm the correct patient at the correct theatre).

I say back, without hesitation, Joel Page, 36 years old, and here to get a...

Reverse.... Um.... Endo.... Endoscopy? Um.... You know? That thing where they slide a camera in!

The anaesthetist retorts.... Do you mean "Endoscopy", I think you're here for a Colonoscopy, it's a bit different.

Yes, I say, Reverse Endoscopy! Camera, Hole, an Endoscopy from the "Reverse direction".

I have to get a "Reverse Tonsillectomy" next week, I hope it goes smoother than today!

A man goes to consult with his Dr about his colonoscopy results.

Sitting nervously at his desk he asks "so Dr, what do you say? Did you find anything? “ the good Dr leans forwards, hands in front with a smile giving the nervous man an ounce of hope and says" well, as a whole, it's not bad"

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