Hilarious Blind Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Blind Jokes

Score: 18774

2 blind guys were about to fight I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away.

Score: 11732

How do you break up two blind guys fighting? Shout, “I got money on that guy with the knife!”

Score: 10529

What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman? Getting her husband's voice just right

Score: 9617

A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"

Score: 6864

I was on a blind date with this girl... And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."

Score: 4004

I was walking down the street with a friend and we saw two blind guys fighting We got closer and I said "My bet is on the one with the knife."
They both ran

Score: 2913

How do you find a blind guy at a nude beach? It's not hard

Score: 2649

I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick. I said ‘You must be blind.’ He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’ So I said ‘There’s a tree over there.’

Score: 2641

In my spare time I help blind children. I mean the verb, not the adjective.

Score: 2531

Today I gave my seat to a blind lady on the bus, That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 1993

In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

Score: 1874

A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl She asked me for my number.

I told her that we usually use names.

Score: 1672

I saw two blind men fighting And I yelled out "I'm rooting for the one with the knife"

Then they both ran away

Score: 1665

Why aren't color blind people allowed to join the police force? They wouldn't know who to shoot

Score: 1556

Why did the blind woman fall down the well? Because she couldn't see that well.

Score: 1537

How do find the blind man at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

Score: 1391

My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby." I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...

Score: 1261

A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?" The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."

Score: 1242

In my spare time I like to help blind people. I mean the verb, not the adjective.

Score: 1219

I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 1216

After work, I volunteer to help blind children By the way: Verb, not adjective

Score: 1177

I like to help blind children. The verb, not the adjective.

Score: 1109

Today, I saw 2 blind people fighting Then I shouted: "I'm supporting the one with the knife", they both ran away.

Score: 1041

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person. I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.

Score: 1000

Stevie Wonder was once asked if there could be anything worse then being blind. To which he replied "Well... I could have been black".

Score: 951

I got a handjob from a blind girl the other day... She told me it was the biggest she'd ever had.

I said, "Aww, you're just pulling my leg."

Score: 933

A blind man had to shoot his dog... To this day, he still misses him

Score: 912

Why did the blind lady fall into the well? Because... she couldn't see that well.

Score: 884

So you like limericks, huh? On the Breast of a woman named Gale

was tattooed the price of her tail

and on her behind

for the sake of the blind

was the same information in braile.

Score: 817

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person I was also fired from my job as a bus driver..

Edit: Thank you for the gold u/H4hack !

Score: 514

"I see", said the blind carpenter As he tripped over his hammer and saw

Score: 268

How do you find a blind guy in a nudist colony? it isn't hard.

Score: 253

I gave up my seat for a blind man on the bus today That's how I lost my job as a bus driver

Score: 234

My company got bought out by a Madrid based firm today. Really blind-sided everyone. Nobody expected the Spanish Acquisition.

Score: 205

Why do blind programmers use Java? Because they can't C.

(I'm so sorry.)

Score: 199

What do Trump and his supporters NOT have in common? His supporters have a blind trust.

Score: 186

A blind guy rang my door bell... When I opened the door he told me, "You should really cover your windows up," and handed me a business card.

Score: 164

I got $20 from a blind homeless man on the street today! He had this tin can full of money, and was just holding it in front of my face. What a friendly guy.

Score: 143

Why can't blind people go skydiving? It scares their dogs

Score: 125

New Blind Jokes

What do you call a blind girl with a vacuum? A Roomba

Score: 17

What's the best thing about having a blind girlfriend? Knowing that she isn't seeing other people.

Score: 13

What do you call a blind fascist? A member of the "Not-see" party

Score: 13

Why did the blind man cross the road? Because he couldn't hear the Tesla coming

Score: 24

How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not that hard.

Score: 77

How do you spot a blind man on nude beach It's not hard

Score: 17

Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

Score: 48

I help blind kids. Throwing acid usually does the trick.

Score: 19

Why can’t blind people eat fish? Because it’s sea food.

Score: 24

How do you find a blind guy at a nudist beach? It's not hard.

Score: 28

I gave a deaf blind child my seat in the taxi After he ran over several people I began to contemplate my decision, I told him to stop but he just wouldn't listen

Score: 39

Had a blind date last night. Her name was ..:::.::…..:::.::

Score: 90

I saw 2 blind men fighting... And said,"My bet's on the one with the knife."

Then they both ran away.

Score: 15

Why did the partially blind man fall into the well? Because he couldn't see that well.

Score: 23

Why did the blind man fall into the well? Because he didn't see that well.

Score: 19

why did the blind man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.

Score: 48

A blind man walks into a bar The bartender looks up and says,"Hey haven't seen you in forever!". The blind man says," me too".

Score: 16

Murder A blind man, a deaf man and a mute are murdered.

These are senseless killings

Score: 33

How do parents punish their blind child? They rearranged the furniture.

Score: 93

How do you find a blind man on a nude beach? It isn't hard.

Score: 35

A woman asks her husband: Woman: Honey, what if someone on the street tried to hit on me and said: "Hey beautiful."?

Husband: Help him cross the road! He must be blind!

Score: 13

Why did the blind man fall down the well? Because he couldn't see that well.

Score: 17

Blind man in a motorboat accident. I once saw a Blind man and asked him how he went blind. He said "I lost my eyes in a motorboating accident. She didn't tell me that they were pierced."

Score: 64

What's one of the worst things you can do to a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Score: 28

Why did the almost blind man fall into a well? Because he couldn't see that well

Score: 102

How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It isn't hard.

Score: 15

Q. How do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony? A: It's not hard.

Score: 89

How do you spot the blind guy at a Nudist Beach? Well its not hard, really...

Score: 16

A blind man fell down a well... He couldn't see that well.

Score: 30

A blind man complained to customer service He showed the employee a cheese grater and said "This is the worst book I've ever read"

Score: 15

Why did a blind man fall in a well? He could not see that well.

Score: 16

I love dating blind girls You don't have to worry about them seeing other people.

Score: 90

Why did the blind man fall into the well He couldn't see that well.

Score: 31

I used to date a blind girl At first, I was so excited that she told me she'd been seeing people

Score: 18

How a blind skydiver knows he's going to land? Guide dogs leash gets loose

Score: 24

Why can't the blind go skydiving? Because it scares their dogs too much.

Score: 20

How do you make a Chinese person blind? Put a windshield in front of them.

Score: 21

Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind man But I was fired from my job as a bus driver

Score: 100

What do you call a blind suicide pilot? Kamicantsee

Score: 24

A gave my seat up to a blind man The next day I got fired as a bus driver

Score: 16

I like to help blind people. The verb, not the noun.

Score: 32

Just impulse bought a blind fold... Cant see myself wearing it...

Score: 22

My blind friend wrote this joke Jrai djdhhd send she dloeuhx

Score: 14

Why do blind people hate skydiving? Scares the dog.

Score: 42

Did you hear about the blind guy who fell into a well? He couldn't see that well.

Score: 36

Did you hear about the blind man who got a cheese grater for his birthday? He said it was the most violent thing he's ever read.

Score: 58

Blind prostitutes You gotta hand it to them

Score: 40

Why did the blind man fall into the well? Because he couldn't see that well.

Score: 100

How do you mess with a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

Score: 21

I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind man. Then my stupid boss told me I'll never be a bus driver again.

Score: 13

What kind of food can't blind people eat? Seafood.

Score: 12

I can't stand being in a wheelchair. Don't even try and tell me that joke was offensive. Atleast it wasn't a blind joke. I can't see how those are funny.

Score: 95

Why can't two blind people get along? They can't see eye to eye.

Score: 14

How to Spot a Blind Nudist How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach?
Well it's not hard, really...

Score: 77

How can you spot the blind guy on a nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 86

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind, probably.

Score: 13

Blind friend and a cheese grater I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

Score: 90

What does a healthy dog and a blind gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 52

You gotta hand it to the blind prostitute. .. ...

Score: 15

Do blind people care if their significant others are hot? (OC?) Do blind people care if their significant others are hot?

Of course they do! They're blind, not necrophiliacs!

(Probably been done before, but I thought of it while on the toilet.)

Score: 31