Blind Jokes

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Funniest Blind Jokes

Funny Blind Jokes
Score: 18774

2 blind guys were about to fight I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away.

Score: 11732

How do you break up two blind guys fighting? Shout, “I got money on that guy with the knife!”

Score: 10529

What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman? Getting her husband's voice just right

Score: 9617

A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"

Score: 6864

I was on a blind date with this girl... And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."

Score: 4004

I was walking down the street with a friend and we saw two blind guys fighting We got closer and I said "My bet is on the one with the knife."
They both ran

Score: 2913

How do you find a blind guy at a nude beach? It's not hard

Score: 2649

I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick. I said ‘You must be blind.’ He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’ So I said ‘There’s a tree over there.’

Score: 2641

In my spare time I help blind children. I mean the verb, not the adjective.

Score: 2531

Today I gave my seat to a blind lady on the bus, That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 1993

In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

Score: 1874

A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl She asked me for my number.

I told her that we usually use names.

Score: 1672

I saw two blind men fighting And I yelled out "I'm rooting for the one with the knife"

Then they both ran away

Score: 1665

Why aren't color blind people allowed to join the police force? They wouldn't know who to shoot

Score: 1556

Why did the blind woman fall down the well? Because she couldn't see that well.

Score: 1537

How do find the blind man at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

Score: 1391

My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby." I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...

Score: 1261

A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?" The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."

Score: 1242

In my spare time I like to help blind people. I mean the verb, not the adjective.

Score: 1219

I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 1216

After work, I volunteer to help blind children By the way: Verb, not adjective

Score: 1177

I like to help blind children. The verb, not the adjective.

Score: 1109

Today, I saw 2 blind people fighting Then I shouted: "I'm supporting the one with the knife", they both ran away.

Score: 1041

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person. I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.

Score: 1000

Stevie Wonder was once asked if there could be anything worse then being blind. To which he replied "Well... I could have been black".

Score: 951

I got a handjob from a blind girl the other day... She told me it was the biggest she'd ever had.


I said, "Aww, you're just pulling my leg."

Score: 933

A blind man had to shoot his dog... To this day, he still misses him

Score: 912

Why did the blind lady fall into the well? Because... she couldn't see that well.

Score: 884

So you like limericks, huh? On the Breast of a woman named Gale

was tattooed the price of her tail

and on her behind

for the sake of the blind

was the same information in braile.

Score: 817

Why did the blind woman fall into the well? Because she couldn't see that well.

Score: 712

Why did the blind lady fall into a well? Because she couldn't see that well.


*crickets, crickets*

Score: 263

Why did the half blind man fall into a well? He couldn't see that well.

Score: 127

The Navy is beginning to recruit blind men. They are sending them out to sea.

Score: 105

Why did the almost blind man fall into a well? Because he couldn't see that well

Score: 102

How can you spot the blind guy on a nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 86

How to Spot a Blind Nudist How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach?
Well it's not hard, really...

Score: 77

What does a healthy dog and a blind gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 52

Why did the blind lady fall into a well? She didn't see that well.

Score: 49

I gave a deaf blind child my seat in the taxi After he ran over several people I began to contemplate my decision, I told him to stop but he just wouldn't listen

Score: 39

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New Blind Jokes

My blind girlfriend broke up with me because I kept making offensive jokes It's not my fault she can't see the humour

Score: 3

President Trump truly can't see why what he is doing is against the law. He is illegally blind.

Score: 2

You ever hear about the blind Gynecologist? He's great at reading lips.

Score: 11

What do you call a blind girl with a vacuum? A Roomba

Score: 17

How do blind bats fall in love? They just click

Score: 3

Like a nice human I am, i have up my seat to a blind person on a bus That's how I lost my job as a bus driver

Score: 2

I saw a blind man in the GroceryStore today and he was swinging his guide dog around his head. I asked “what are you doing” he’s reply “Just having a quick look around”.

Score: 7

Why is it illegal for blind people to skydive? Because that wouldn’t be fair to the dog

Score: 2

A man blind man walks into a bar And a table and a chair and…

Score: 4

What song do blind people hate the most? See you again

Score: 2

What did the cow say to the blind farmer with only one arm? Moo

Score: 5

Dark humor no joke Kid: Mom, what is dark humor ?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there ? Tell him to clap.

Kid: Mom ! I am blind.

Mom: Exactly.

Score: 10

Two blind people are fighting I yell "im supporting the one with the knife!"

They both run away.

Score: 11

Why do blind people get sick very easily? They don't get enough vitamin C

Score: 3

The other day my dad told me"Son, if you don't quit jerking off, you're gonna go blind!" I replied: "Dad, I'm over here."

Score: 2

Why is Stevie Wonder so humble? He’s blind to his success!

Score: 7

How do you know there's a blind guy at a nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 5

I organized a charity race for blind people yesterday But there was no one to watch

Score: 2

Blind people are really empathetic They feel everything

Score: 4

A blind man walked into a library And a table and a chair and people.

Score: 6

I took my blind friend to go see stand up comedy once after the viewing had ended, he told me that the jokes were so old, lame, and boring that even he could have seen them coming.

Score: 3

What do people with sight and blind people have in common? They both can't see John Cena.

Score: 2

I gave up my seat in the bus to a blind person. I didnt tell him though. We both just stood there like a couple of idiots.

Score: 2

Stop making jokes on blind people... ....they don't see the point

Score: 3

I had an appointment with my eye doctor cause I thought I was going blind. Something came up so I couldn’t see him today.

Score: 2

How do you know when you have a really bad casase of acne? When the blind start trying to read your face

Score: 3

Today I gave a blind old woman my seat on the bus. That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 12

A young sales clerk removed an old mans sunglasses and insisted he tries on a new pair. "I can't see myself wearing these" said the old man.

"Why not?" asked the clerk.

"Because I'm blind".

Score: 8

Why did the blind kid who pretended to be Superman keep running into walls? He had no supervision.

Score: 4

How do you tell if a man at a nude beach is blind? It’s not hard.

Score: 6

Kindness is dead.Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus for a blind man. Today I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 20

how to spot a blind person in a nude beach? it's not hard!

Score: 5

I gave my bus seat to a blind man yesterday. Today I lost my job as bus driver.

Score: 19

Why did the half blind man fall into a well? 'cuz he couldn't see that well.

Score: 37

What do you get when you flip off a blind man, and cuss out a deaf man? Fired from your nursing job.

Score: 4

The blind man said he could see So he picked up his hammer and saw

Score: 6

I gave my seat up to a blind man on the bus today... I also lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 37

Why did the half blind man fall into a well? He couldn’t see that well.

Score: 3

Where do West Virginians go for Blind Dates? Olive Garden..when you're here you're family.

Score: 5

My friend Ray just passed away :( He was on the donar list. Apparently they used his eyes to give some poor blind sod his eye sight back.

Its a miracle really, now he's got ex Ray vision

Score: 11

I'm always looking out for others. One time I gave up my seat to a blind person the bus ..that's how I lost my job as a bus driver

Score: 2

I unexpectedly found out I’m color blind That sure came out of the yellow

Score: 6

I gave up my seat to a blind woman on the bus... That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver

Score: 2

How do you spot a blind man on nude beach It's not hard

Score: 17

"I see," said the blind construction worker, As he picked up his hammer and saw

Score: 9

My favorite classic joke: What did the blind man say when walking past the fish store? Good day ladies. Sorry, I'll see myself out. This won't happen again.

Score: 3

A gave my seat up to a blind man The next day I got fired as a bus driver

Score: 16

Why was Hellen Kellers belly button bruised... Because her boyfriend was blind and deaf too

Score: 3

What does a color blind racist say? I don't see color
I see race

Score: 3

How did Stevie Wonder respond when asked how he coped with being blind? At least I'm not black.

Score: 20

My blind friend went to Home Depot... he picked up a hammer and saw!

Score: 7

What did the deaf, blind, crippled kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

Score: 4

I wonder if the views of a color blind person depend on the circumstances of the scenario Or if they just see the world in black and white.

Score: 2

My doctor informed me today that I'm color blind. "Well," I said... ..."THAT certainly came out of the green!"

Score: 11

What's the worst prank you can pull on your blind brother? Leaving the plunger in the toilet.

Score: 22

Why is Hellen Keller's leg yellow? Her dog is blind too

Score: 3

What is the meanest practical joke one can pull on a blind person? Leaving a plunger in the toilet.

Score: 20

I saw a blind person skydiving today Man, what a jerk. Scaring his poor dog like that...

Score: 13

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, amputee kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

Score: 32

What did the blind paraplegic child get for Christmas? Cancer.


Happy new years folks!

Score: 4

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