Blind Jokes

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Funniest Blind Jokes

Funny Blind Jokes
Score: 18774

2 blind guys were about to fight I shouted: I bet the one with the knife wins!
Both started running away.

Score: 11732

How do you break up two blind guys fighting? Shout, “I got money on that guy with the knife!”

Score: 10529

What's the hardest thing about dating a blind woman? Getting her husband's voice just right

Score: 9617

A blind man walks into a bar The bartender says "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in forever!" The blind man says "same"

Score: 6864

I was on a blind date with this girl... And I told her, being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed. She asked "what's the best way?"
I said "a big knife."
She laughed and said "you're funny."
I said "wise choice."

Score: 4004

I was walking down the street with a friend and we saw two blind guys fighting We got closer and I said "My bet is on the one with the knife."
They both ran

Score: 2913

How do you find a blind guy at a nude beach? It's not hard

Score: 2649

I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick. I said ‘You must be blind.’ He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’ So I said ‘There’s a tree over there.’

Score: 2641

In my spare time I help blind children. I mean the verb, not the adjective.

Score: 2531

Today I gave my seat to a blind lady on the bus, That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 1993

In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"

Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."

Waiter: "I'm sorry?"

Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."

Score: 1874

A while ago I had a blind date with a Jewish girl She asked me for my number.

I told her that we usually use names.

Score: 1672

I saw two blind men fighting And I yelled out "I'm rooting for the one with the knife"

Then they both ran away

Score: 1665

Why aren't color blind people allowed to join the police force? They wouldn't know who to shoot

Score: 1556

Why did the blind woman fall down the well? Because she couldn't see that well.

Score: 1537

How do find the blind man at the nudist colony? It's not hard.

Score: 1391

My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby." I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...

Score: 1261

A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?" The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."

Score: 1242

In my spare time I like to help blind people. I mean the verb, not the adjective.

Score: 1219

I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 1216

After work, I volunteer to help blind children By the way: Verb, not adjective

Score: 1177

I like to help blind children. The verb, not the adjective.

Score: 1109

Today, I saw 2 blind people fighting Then I shouted: "I'm supporting the one with the knife", they both ran away.

Score: 1041

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person. I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.

Score: 1000

Stevie Wonder was once asked if there could be anything worse then being blind. To which he replied "Well... I could have been black".

Score: 951

I got a handjob from a blind girl the other day... She told me it was the biggest she'd ever had.


I said, "Aww, you're just pulling my leg."

Score: 933

A blind man had to shoot his dog... To this day, he still misses him

Score: 912

Why did the blind lady fall into the well? Because... she couldn't see that well.

Score: 884

So you like limericks, huh? On the Breast of a woman named Gale

was tattooed the price of her tail

and on her behind

for the sake of the blind

was the same information in braile.

Score: 817

What do Trump and his supporters NOT have in common? His supporters have a blind trust.

Score: 186

How to Spot a Blind Nudist How do you spot a blind man on a nudist beach?
Well it's not hard, really...

Score: 77

What does a healthy dog and a blind gynecologist have in common? A wet nose.

Score: 52

How do you find the blind guy at the nude beach? Let me tell you, it isn't hard.

Score: 27

My dad always told me,"son if you jack off to much youll go blind." I said, “Dad, I’m over here.”

Score: 26

Kindness is dead.Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus for a blind man. Today I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 20

What do you call a blind girl with a vacuum? A Roomba

Score: 17

Today I gave a blind old woman my seat on the bus. That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 12

My doctor informed me today that I'm color blind. "Well," I said... ..."THAT certainly came out of the green!"

Score: 11

You ever hear about the blind Gynecologist? He's great at reading lips.

Score: 11

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New Blind Jokes

Blind people are so empathetic They feel everything

Score: 2

Well, today I found out I'm color blind. Yeah...it came right out of the purple.

Score: 2

I have a question for blind people: How are you reading this?

Score: 2

The story of an a blind alcaholic A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a stool...

Score: 2

If you look at the sun long enough... you’ll get a dog because you’ll become blind and get a guide dog.

Score: 0

I recently discovered I am color blind It came out of the purple

Score: 7

President Trump truly can't see why what he is doing is against the law. He is illegally blind.

Score: 2

How do blind bats fall in love? They just click

Score: 3

Like a nice human I am, i have up my seat to a blind person on a bus That's how I lost my job as a bus driver

Score: 2

I saw a blind man in the GroceryStore today and he was swinging his guide dog around his head. I asked “what are you doing” he’s reply “Just having a quick look around”.

Score: 7

A man blind man walks into a bar And a table and a chair and…

Score: 4

So one of my friends went blind in a motar boating accident So he now has to feel for pricings

Score: 1

What song do blind people hate the most? See you again

Score: 2

What did the cow say to the blind farmer with only one arm? Moo

Score: 5

Dark humor no joke Kid: Mom, what is dark humor ?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there ? Tell him to clap.

Kid: Mom ! I am blind.

Mom: Exactly.

Score: 10

What's the Three-Eyed Raven's Least Favorite Band? Third Eye Blind

Score: 1

Why do blind people get sick very easily? They don't get enough vitamin C

Score: 3

The other day my dad told me"Son, if you don't quit jerking off, you're gonna go blind!" I replied: "Dad, I'm over here."

Score: 2

Why is Stevie Wonder so humble? He’s blind to his success!

Score: 7

How can you tell if their is a blind man at a nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 0

How do you know there's a blind guy at a nude beach? It's not hard.

Score: 5

A semi-blind caveman is walking through a forest He sees some brightly coloured flowers and right next to them he sees what he thinks is 2 bees, he has bad eyesight and isn’t sure so he turns to his caveman friend and says

“2 bee or not 2 bee?”

Score: 1

Blind people are really empathetic They feel everything

Score: 4

I stood up to let a old blind lady sit in my seat on the bus And that's how I got fired from my bus driver job

Score: 1

A blind man walked into a library And a table and a chair and people.

Score: 6

I took my blind friend to go see stand up comedy once after the viewing had ended, he told me that the jokes were so old, lame, and boring that even he could have seen them coming.

Score: 3

What do people with sight and blind people have in common? They both can't see John Cena.

Score: 2

what's a blind persons favorite candy bar? Reese's

Score: 0

I gave up my seat in the bus to a blind person. I didnt tell him though. We both just stood there like a couple of idiots.

Score: 2

What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish boat? Hello ladies

Score: 1

I had an appointment with my eye doctor cause I thought I was going blind. Something came up so I couldn’t see him today.

Score: 2

How do you know when you have a really bad casase of acne? When the blind start trying to read your face

Score: 3

As your colour blind attorney,I can tell you the law isn't always clear cut... It's not all purple and orange

Score: 1

Why did the blind kid who pretended to be Superman keep running into walls? He had no supervision.

Score: 4

Dad: Son, if you don’t stop jerking off, you’re going to blind. Dad: Son, if you don’t stop jerking off, you’re going to blind.

Son: Dad, I’m over here.

Score: 2

How do you tell if a man at a nude beach is blind? It’s not hard.

Score: 6

Just found out that I am color blind The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

Score: 7

What do you call a blind redhead? Ginger braille.

Score: 1

how to spot a blind person in a nude beach? it's not hard!

Score: 5

How can you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It isn't hard.

Score: 1

For blind people, there are always two sides to a coin The one they can't see and the one they can't see either

Score: 9

What’s a blind person’s favorite song? Dancing in the Dark

Score: 1

The blind man said he could see So he picked up his hammer and saw

Score: 6

A color blind person is feeling down He’s feeling a little purple

Score: 3

Once a blind man got a death threat in the mail He could feel it!

Score: 1

Just invited a blind bingo caller to my dinner party He's not a close friend, just there to make up the numbers.

Score: 1

What did the blind man use to cure his illness? Seafood.

Score: 8

Just got diagnosed as color blind today. It came completely out of the purple.

Score: 1

I'm always looking out for others. One time I gave up my seat to a blind person the bus ..that's how I lost my job as a bus driver

Score: 2

I gave up my seat to a blind woman on the bus... That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver

Score: 2

I made this joke up when I was falling asleep! What do you call a blind optometrist?

"Eye-rony" !!!!

Score: 4

The government will be giving out special glasses for the solar eclipse It's called the no child left blind

Score: 1

Why do blind people get hemorroids? They dont know when to stop wiping.

Score: 1

When does a blind sky diver know when to pull the cord? When the leash goes slack.

Score: 0

Why was Hellen Kellers belly button bruised... Because her boyfriend was blind and deaf too

Score: 3

What does a color blind racist say? I don't see color
I see race

Score: 3

One time I told my blind Nana to go on a seafood diet... She died a week later.

Score: 5

My blind friend went to Home Depot... he picked up a hammer and saw!

Score: 7

What's the favorite at the school for the blind? anatomy (they use the Braille method there)

Score: 1

Why is Hellen Keller's leg yellow? Her dog is blind too

Score: 3

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