This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.
Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is like? No sun.
What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon? An Apocaclipse.
How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.
The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot. It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to
How does the moon cut its hair?
If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse... I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need now!
"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?" No sun.
You can use a colander to look at the eclipse But be careful you don't strain your eyes
Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse. It truly is a site for sore eyes.
Know your eclipses.
Earth between sun and moon: Lunar eclipse.
Moon between sun and Earth: Solar eclipse.
Sun between moon and Earth: Apoceclypse.
I couldn't see the eclipse of the sun today! 😡 Friggin' moon was in the way! 😡
Son: Dad can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? Dad: No sun
How does the sun cut his hair? Eclipse it.
Total Eclipse Today
I tried using a colander to view the eclipse.
I think I've strained my eyes.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Thought it was relevant to today's eclipse...
How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it!
RIP to all the vampires who got fooled by the solar eclipse.
Fun fact: 99% of voters who live in the "path of totality" for the upcoming solar eclipse voted for trump. Which is ironic, because the *last* thing they wanted to do is make the country darker.
Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is ? No son
They shouldn't let students outside to see the eclipse today They need to protect their pupils.
Son - Dad, could you tell me what a solar eclipse is? No sun
How does a man cut his hair on the moon? Eclipse it
GUYS. If you missed the eclipse today, there's going to be a secondary one later. It's at 8:01 PM. The earth will block out the sun and it will go completely dark during a period of about 10 1/2 hours.
How does the moon cut his hair Eclipse it!
Why can't Java programmers see well? Because of the eclipse
Not to spoil the Eclipse for anyone tomorrow but... Bella chooses Edward.
A boy asks his father what is the meaning of the Solar Eclipse? The father replies "No son"
I looked at the eclipse without glasses. Now I will get to see it for the rest of my life.
What do you call a deaf woman during a solar eclipse. Whatever you want to. It's not like she's going to know.
Your mom went outside for the first time in 38 years... Everyone just called it an eclipse though.
My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony Daylight robbery
A solar eclipse is like watching a woman breastfeed in public It's beautiful, it's free, but under no circumstances should you look at it.
I've been wondering what the eclipse looks like... But I've been kept in the dark.
Why does everyone care about the eclipse? Probably because it's significance is astronomical.
Eclipse is an acronym
How do you take a picture of an eclipse without a camera? Stare at it for 30 seconds
The eclipse kind of reminded me of my father... ...they appear every so many years and expect people to care
What did the buffalo say during the solar eclipse? Bison...
Son: Can you explain what is a solar eclipse? Father: No son. “No son” (No sun)
Dad, can you tell me a solar eclipse is? "No sun."
I said, “Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?” He replied, “No sun.”
How did the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
I TiVo'd the total eclipse and just caught up and I'm confused... is it okay to look directly at the sun now?
I decided to watch the eclipse with only sunglasses, in spite of all the warnings. I honestly can't see what all the fuss was about.
I made a TON of money selling fake eclipse glasses!! ...don't worry though. They'll never see me again.
My horoscope said the eclipse would bring great change Yesterday I found 82 cents
I don't get what the big deal about an eclipse is... There's one every night from like 7pm until 5am...
The only reason the eclipse happened I was changing my mixtape
Trump stared at the eclipse yesterday, but he'll be okay... He has plenty of practice feeling his way around.
The solar eclipse was like a one night stand I spent a whole lot of effort for two minutes of pleasure.
I really wish someone would have told me how long this solar eclipse was going to take. Don't get me wrong, I had been enjoying watching it, but had I know it would still be going on for this long, I would have bought a pair of those fancy NASA glasses.
I looked at the eclipse without protection... Who needs condoms anyway?
For sale: Slightly used eclipse glasses Selling them to raise money for my optometry bills.
NASA warned us not to stare at the eclipse, but i did it anyway I cant see what they were so afraid of... At all...
I am surprised Trump wanted to look at the solar eclipse today... Because if he went blind all he would see is black
We all know that today's eclipse was amazing, but we can't forget the fact that the Falcons still blew a 25 point lead during the superbowl
I saw a double eclipse today.
Not only did the moon block out the sun, but the clouds did as well.
My Dad is like the Solar Eclipse If i make direct eye contact he'll hurt me, but when it's safe for me to look at him he already left for milk and won't be back for several years.
LPT: When the next solar eclipse rolls around, you can use a colander to view the eclipse. Just be sure you don't strain your eyes.
What did the buffalo say during the solar eclipse? Bye sun!
I have had it with apocalypse jokes with the eclipse. They keep coming like there is no tomorrow.
I looked at the eclipse today through a colander. I think I strained my eyes.
Seeing the eclipse was great... but I wanted to see Uranus. Unfortunately it was too cloudy.
By far, the best picture of the eclipse I have seen so far. (
The next solar eclipse will be in 2024... Three or four presidents from now.
Time to invest in LASIK eye surgery With all the people staring at the eclipse today business should be boomin tomorrow!
I'll never forget this solar eclipse, it'll forever be seared into my mind... ...and retinas. I really should've worn some glasses.
I wonder how many babies were conceived during the eclipse... I'm sure it's astronomical.
You should have seen how crazy everything looked during the eclipse. The difference was day and night.
The solar eclipse is like a woman breastfeeding... You’re not supposed to look, but you know you are going to take a peek.
My dad once told me, "Don't look directly into the sun during the eclipse" Then I said, "hey dad I'm over here!"
You can use a cereal box to see the solar eclipse, But can they see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch?
I'm glad we drove a couple hours to see the totality of the eclipse. The difference waa night and day.
The solar eclipse was cool to look at and all... But when does this darkness go away?
Every solar eclipse, children are often reported missing... Because the parents cannot find their sun.
If the eclipse glasses I sold you don't work... see me after, and I'll give you a refund.
Woke up at 5:30am to get a head start on driving to view the Eclipse today Must have missed the start though- it was already dark.
You can look at the solar eclipse directly
Once with your left eye, once with your right eye
Edit: seriously don't. Remember to wear eye protection!
What does the man on the moon do when he needs a haircut? Eclipse it.
How does Neil deGrasse Tyson trim his toenails tomorrow? Eclipse them!
I'm really worried about the upcoming solar eclipse. Because I've always heard that once you go black, you never go back.
This monday there will be a solar eclipse at 10am... Followed shortly after by funeral proceedings for the Flat Earth Society.
The government will be giving out special glasses for the solar eclipse It's called the no child left blind
I'm very excited for the eclipse I'm glad the moon is finally getting its day in the sun.
How does an astronaut deal with his growing hair? Eclipse it!
I was pointing my camera at the sun today and someone asked me if I was preparing for the upcoming eclipse I replied: "Totally!"
Why is Annie the Orphan crying? There was a solar eclipse.
How does the barber trim the Moon's hair? Eclipse it.
How does the Moon get its haircut? Eclipse it!