Hilarious Eclipse Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Eclipse Jokes

This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.

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I'm taking my wife for skydiving. So if you see a solar eclipse today, don't be surprised.

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Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is like? No sun.

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What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon? An Apocaclipse.

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How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.

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The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot. It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to

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How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.

Ha.

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If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse... I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need now!

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"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?" No sun.

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You can use a colander to look at the eclipse But be careful you don't strain your eyes

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Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse. It truly is a site for sore eyes.

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Know your eclipses. Earth between sun and moon: Lunar eclipse.
Moon between sun and Earth: Solar eclipse.
Sun between moon and Earth: Apoceclypse.

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I couldn't see the eclipse of the sun today! 😡 Friggin' moon was in the way! 😡

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Son: Dad can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? Dad: No sun

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How does the sun cut his hair? Eclipse it.

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Total Eclipse Today I tried using a colander to view the eclipse.

I think I've strained my eyes.

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How does the moon cut his hair? 'Eclipse it

Thought it was relevant to today's eclipse...

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How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it!

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RIP to all the vampires who got fooled by the solar eclipse.

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Fun fact: 99% of voters who live in the "path of totality" for the upcoming solar eclipse voted for trump. Which is ironic, because the *last* thing they wanted to do is make the country darker.

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Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is ? No son

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They shouldn't let students outside to see the eclipse today They need to protect their pupils.

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Son - Dad, could you tell me what a solar eclipse is? No sun

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How does a man cut his hair on the moon? Eclipse it

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GUYS. If you missed the eclipse today, there's going to be a secondary one later. It's at 8:01 PM. The earth will block out the sun and it will go completely dark during a period of about 10 1/2 hours.

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How does the moon cut his hair Eclipse it!

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Why can't Java programmers see well? Because of the eclipse

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Not to spoil the Eclipse for anyone tomorrow but... Bella chooses Edward.

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A boy asks his father what is the meaning of the Solar Eclipse? The father replies "No son"

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I looked at the eclipse without glasses. Now I will get to see it for the rest of my life.

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What do you call a deaf woman during a solar eclipse. Whatever you want to. It's not like she's going to know.

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Your mom went outside for the first time in 38 years... Everyone just called it an eclipse though.

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My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony Daylight robbery

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A solar eclipse is like watching a woman breastfeed in public It's beautiful, it's free, but under no circumstances should you look at it.

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I've been wondering what the eclipse looks like... But I've been kept in the dark.

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Why does everyone care about the eclipse? Probably because it's significance is astronomical.

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Eclipse is an acronym * Eyes
* Cannot
* Look
* Into
* Partial
* Solar
* Eclipse

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How do you take a picture of an eclipse without a camera? Stare at it for 30 seconds

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The eclipse kind of reminded me of my father... ...they appear every so many years and expect people to care

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What did the buffalo say during the solar eclipse? Bison...

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New Eclipse Jokes

Son: Can you explain what is a solar eclipse? Father: No son. “No son” (No sun)

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Dad, can you tell me a solar eclipse is? "No sun."

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I said, “Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?” He replied, “No sun.”

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How did the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

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I TiVo'd the total eclipse and just caught up and I'm confused... is it okay to look directly at the sun now?

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I decided to watch the eclipse with only sunglasses, in spite of all the warnings. I honestly can't see what all the fuss was about.

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I made a TON of money selling fake eclipse glasses!! ...don't worry though. They'll never see me again.

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My horoscope said the eclipse would bring great change Yesterday I found 82 cents

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I don't get what the big deal about an eclipse is... There's one every night from like 7pm until 5am...

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The only reason the eclipse happened I was changing my mixtape

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Trump stared at the eclipse yesterday, but he'll be okay... He has plenty of practice feeling his way around.

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The solar eclipse was like a one night stand I spent a whole lot of effort for two minutes of pleasure.

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I really wish someone would have told me how long this solar eclipse was going to take. Don't get me wrong, I had been enjoying watching it, but had I know it would still be going on for this long, I would have bought a pair of those fancy NASA glasses.

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I looked at the eclipse without protection... Who needs condoms anyway?

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For sale: Slightly used eclipse glasses Selling them to raise money for my optometry bills.

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NASA warned us not to stare at the eclipse, but i did it anyway I cant see what they were so afraid of... At all...

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I am surprised Trump wanted to look at the solar eclipse today... Because if he went blind all he would see is black

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We all know that today's eclipse was amazing, but we can't forget the fact that the Falcons still blew a 25 point lead during the superbowl

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I saw a double eclipse today. Not only did the moon block out the sun, but the clouds did as well.

:(

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My Dad is like the Solar Eclipse If i make direct eye contact he'll hurt me, but when it's safe for me to look at him he already left for milk and won't be back for several years.

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LPT: When the next solar eclipse rolls around, you can use a colander to view the eclipse. Just be sure you don't strain your eyes.

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What did the buffalo say during the solar eclipse? Bye sun!

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I have had it with apocalypse jokes with the eclipse. They keep coming like there is no tomorrow.

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I looked at the eclipse today through a colander. I think I strained my eyes.

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Seeing the eclipse was great... but I wanted to see Uranus. Unfortunately it was too cloudy.

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By far, the best picture of the eclipse I have seen so far. (

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The next solar eclipse will be in 2024... Three or four presidents from now.

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Time to invest in LASIK eye surgery With all the people staring at the eclipse today business should be boomin tomorrow!

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I'll never forget this solar eclipse, it'll forever be seared into my mind... ...and retinas. I really should've worn some glasses.

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I wonder how many babies were conceived during the eclipse... I'm sure it's astronomical.

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You should have seen how crazy everything looked during the eclipse. The difference was day and night.

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The solar eclipse is like a woman breastfeeding... You’re not supposed to look, but you know you are going to take a peek.

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My dad once told me, "Don't look directly into the sun during the eclipse" Then I said, "hey dad I'm over here!"

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You can use a cereal box to see the solar eclipse, But can they see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch?

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I'm glad we drove a couple hours to see the totality of the eclipse. The difference waa night and day.

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The solar eclipse was cool to look at and all... But when does this darkness go away?

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Every solar eclipse, children are often reported missing... Because the parents cannot find their sun.

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If the eclipse glasses I sold you don't work... see me after, and I'll give you a refund.

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Woke up at 5:30am to get a head start on driving to view the Eclipse today Must have missed the start though- it was already dark.

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You can look at the solar eclipse directly Once with your left eye, once with your right eye

Edit: seriously don't. Remember to wear eye protection!

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What does the man on the moon do when he needs a haircut? Eclipse it.

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How does Neil deGrasse Tyson trim his toenails tomorrow? Eclipse them!

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I'm really worried about the upcoming solar eclipse. Because I've always heard that once you go black, you never go back.

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This monday there will be a solar eclipse at 10am... Followed shortly after by funeral proceedings for the Flat Earth Society.

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The government will be giving out special glasses for the solar eclipse It's called the no child left blind

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I'm very excited for the eclipse I'm glad the moon is finally getting its day in the sun.

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How does an astronaut deal with his growing hair? Eclipse it!

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I was pointing my camera at the sun today and someone asked me if I was preparing for the upcoming eclipse I replied: "Totally!"

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Why is Annie the Orphan crying? There was a solar eclipse.

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How does the barber trim the Moon's hair? Eclipse it.

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How does the Moon get its haircut? Eclipse it!

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