Eclipse Jokes

This past week I made a couple bucks selling fake eclipse glasses I'm not to worried though, those suckers will never see me again.

Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is like? No sun.

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon? An Apocaclipse.

How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.

The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot. It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to

How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.

Ha.

If I had a dollar for every time someone said not to look directly at the eclipse... I'd have enough money to pay for the eye surgery I need now!

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?" No sun.

You can use a colander to look at the eclipse But be careful you don't strain your eyes

Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse. It truly is a site for sore eyes.

Know your eclipses. Earth between sun and moon: Lunar eclipse.
Moon between sun and Earth: Solar eclipse.
Sun between moon and Earth: Apoceclypse.

I couldn't see the eclipse of the sun today! 😡 Friggin' moon was in the way! 😡

Son: Dad can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? Dad: No sun

How does the sun cut his hair? Eclipse it.

Total Eclipse Today I tried using a colander to view the eclipse.

I think I've strained my eyes.

How does the moon cut his hair? 'Eclipse it

Thought it was relevant to today's eclipse...

How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it!

RIP to all the vampires who got fooled by the solar eclipse.

Fun fact: 99% of voters who live in the "path of totality" for the upcoming solar eclipse voted for trump. Which is ironic, because the *last* thing they wanted to do is make the country darker.

Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is ? No son

They shouldn't let students outside to see the eclipse today They need to protect their pupils.

Son - Dad, could you tell me what a solar eclipse is? No sun

How does a man cut his hair on the moon? Eclipse it

GUYS. If you missed the eclipse today, there's going to be a secondary one later. It's at 8:01 PM. The earth will block out the sun and it will go completely dark during a period of about 10 1/2 hours.

How does the moon cut his hair Eclipse it!

Why can't Java programmers see well? Because of the eclipse

Not to spoil the Eclipse for anyone tomorrow but... Bella chooses Edward.

A boy asks his father what is the meaning of the Solar Eclipse? The father replies "No son"

I looked at the eclipse without glasses. Now I will get to see it for the rest of my life.

A solar eclipse is like watching a woman breastfeed in public It's beautiful, it's free, but under no circumstances should you look at it.

What did the buffalo say during the solar eclipse? Bison...

My Dad is like the Solar Eclipse If i make direct eye contact he'll hurt me, but when it's safe for me to look at him he already left for milk and won't be back for several years.

My horoscope said the eclipse would bring great change Yesterday I found 82 cents

I said, “Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?” He replied, “No sun.”

How did the man in the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

Son: Can you explain what is a solar eclipse? Father: No son. “No son” (No sun)

I am surprised Trump wanted to look at the solar eclipse today... Because if he went blind all he would see is black

For sale: Slightly used eclipse glasses Selling them to raise money for my optometry bills.

I was pointing my camera at the sun today and someone asked me if I was preparing for the upcoming eclipse I replied: "Totally!"