Electrician Jokes

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Funniest Electrician Jokes

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer? Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

Electrician gets home late... Electrician didn't get home until after 2am. His wife asked "Wire you insulate?" He replied, "Watts it to you, I'm ohm, aren't I?"

Funny Electrician Jokes

An electrician didn't get home until after 2 a.m. His wife asked, "Wire you insulate?"

He replied, "Watts it to you? I'm ohm, aren't I?"

What do you call when you cross a detective with an electrician Sherlock Ohms

(sorry if this is repost, I thought of it in class)

I just found out the electrician I hired is unlicensed. Needless to say, I was shocked!

I'm a bad electrician And when people find out, they're so shocked.

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad an electrician I am.

An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why... He said he couldn't resist.

I freaked out the electrician by opening the door naked. I couldn’t tell what gave him a bigger shock – whether the fact that I was naked, or that I got into his house.

I thought being an electrician would be cool. Getting to hangout with a bunch of strippers and dikes all day long.


But really you're just grabbing and twisting nuts all day.

Better be isolated than grounded Joe: 45, electrician

An electrician comes home late Wife: "Wire you insulate?"

Electrician: "Watts it to you, I'm ohm ain't I?"

What's the difference between an electrician and a chemist? The electrician likes his work to be unionized, while the chemist likes his work to be unionized.

People are usually shocked When they find out how bad of an electrician i am.

An electrician comes home at 2 am.... His wife asks, "wire you insulate?"

He replies, "watt's the problem, I'm ohm aren't I?"

I always wanted to be a pilot Until I saw my first porno. Since then I can't decide if I want to be a plumber, electrician or the cable repair guy.

An electrician was working at an apartment when he got electrocuted. He died before he even knew watts up.

I fell in love with a female electrician She was a real live wire and i took her ohm with me

Today I found out that the electrician didn't connect the protective grounding system at my home. I was shocked.

Today i discovered my electrician was unqualified I was shocked

What's the difference between an Electrician and someone who's high? The electrician knows where the ground is.

What does an electrician say when he's confused? Watt?!

What is black and smokes and is attached to electrical wires? A bad electrician

What does an electrician say while meditating? Ohm... Ohm...

What do you say to give an electrician encouragement? "You conduit!"

What's black and stuck to the ceiling A not so good electrician

A wire just fell from the ceiling I was shocked when the electrician couldn’t fix it.

I'm pretty sure my electrician supports LGBT rights. Just the other day I heard him talking about his transister.

What do an electrician and a Buddhist have in common? Ooooooooooooooohms.

What does an electrician drive? A Voltswagen

A carpenter, plumber, an electrician and a welder are all dating the same woman. What do you call her? A jack off all trades

Why did the optimistic electrician lose his job? He kept on turning negatives into positives.

Electrician goes into coma after coming in contact with power lines. “He should be fine,” say the doctors. “He’s just taking a power nap.”

What do you say to an electrician who isn't on time? Wire you insulate?

You shouldn't try being your own electrician This piece of advice shouldn't shock you

People are usually shocked... When I tell them I'm not a very good electrician

What's black, burnt and hanging from the ceiling? A blonde electrician

I was talking to my friend the other day He wants to be an electrician but wasn’t sure if he was smart enough.

I told him “you con-du-it”

My frugal neighbor doesn't want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he's going to try and do it himself. "How hard can it be?" he said. I think he's in for a shock.

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New Electrician Jokes

An Electrician A electrician was working while the police came to arrest him. Do you know what happened?

HE WAS PUTTING UP A RESISTANCE

What did the electrician say to reassure his apprentice? You conduit!

She got married to an electrician .... Everyone was shocked!

Add yours .....

How do you tell the difference between a mechanic and an electrician? The electrician washes his hands AFTER he goes to the toilet.

Why was the electrician so excited to go shopping with his wife? She said they were going to the outlet mall.

Most people are shocked... ... When they find out how bad of an electrician I am!

(not original)

Why did the electrician punch a hole in the wall ? Because he needed an outlet.

People mostly get shocked when they find out.... I'm a bad electrician

An electrician goes home after a party... His wife shouts “Wire insulate?!”

What did the electrician say after he was unexpectedly fired? Now that’s a shocker!

What's black and stuck to the ceiling? An electrician that didn't do his job well!

What did the electrician say after he was unexpectedly fired from his job? Now that’s a shocker!

I met a really bad electrician at the bar last night... At first there were some sparks, but he ended up saying some pretty nasty things to me and I left shocked.

My dad told me I'm a bad electrician He is in for a shock

Why did the electrician enjoy removing the bulb so much? Because it was a De-light

Have you heard the one about the electrician making a mistake I hear it's shocking

While working on the house, I realized that I am a terrible electrician even with small projects Everyone was shocked by what I did to the light switch.

You heard about the electrician who became a priest? He had a shocking revelation.

I just called an electrician and told him I need 15,000$ worth of repairs. Needless to say, he was ecstatic.

What did the electrician say to his depressed colleague? Keep soldering on!

Why did the electrician become a news anchor? He's always had a knack for current events.

How can you tell the electrician is having financial trouble? His wife started stripping.

Thought of this one while trying to fall asleep What did the juvenile electrician say to the other juvenile electrician when asked to come play?




I can't, I'm grounded.

My dad got fired recently for being such an irritated electrician He never conducted himself positively at work

A professional electrician hurt himself on the job... He must've been shocked!

An electrician walks into a bar Bartender says “Watt are you drinking today?”

My poor skills as an electrician Often leave people shocked

What do you call a man who comes to your house to satisfy your wife for $120 an hour? An electrician

How does an electrician free Dobby? With a shock.

Why didn't the electrician allow his fellow gym-goer to work in? Because he was doing a circuit.

Did you hear about the first electrician to put a light in an outhouse for an Indian? He was the first to wire ahead for a reservation.

What did the baker do to punish his electrician son? Beat him with a breadboard

Why didn't the electrician get shocked? They were unionized.

A Mexican electrician accidentally touched a live wire. He suffered a Corona discharge.

What does an electrician call their OTP in fanfiction? A power coupling.

What does an electrician say when you talk gibberish? Watt are you talking about?

What happens when a Buzzfeed writer becomes an electrician with no experience? What comes next will shock you

A French man and an Irish man walk into a bar. The French guy asks his friend: "say, how many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?".

The Irish replies: "how would I know? I'm neither an electrician nor an anthropologist!"

Did you hear about the electrician whose boss told him to put new wire throughout the whole house? He refused.

What do you call when you cross a detective with an electrician Sherlock Ohms

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Long Electrician Jokes

An electrician went to the buzzfeed headquarters,

He was asked to come because a power box was malfunctioning, He went to the reception and told them that he was there to fix the problem ,he was told to wait a minute . So he sat down at the reception. He saw that most of the people working there were in their twenties. He then wondered how advanced the society had become and what he would have done if he was their age, after some time an employee came and then went with him to the malfunctioning box, the electrician then opened that box and saw that there were several wires connected all labeled with numbers for convinience. He then proceeded to open his toolbag and as he went on to inspect them , the employee who was watching him warned him "Careful, Number five will shock you" .

Two electricians are up on a pole

A granny walks by. One of the electricians shouts at the granny:

— Hey grandma, can you hold that cable that's on the ground next to you for a bit, please?

The granny picks up the cable. The same electrician then states to the other:

— Told you it was the ground.

Finding a job is difficult...

I started at the orange juice factory but couldn't concentrate,
Being a tailor just didn't suit me,
I couldn't cut it as a barber,
I didn't have the foundations to be an architect,
I just didn't have enough patients to be a doctor,
I felt soleless in the shoe factory,
I couldn't hack it as a lumberjack,
I couldn't keep my eye on the job as an optician,
Being an electrician was shocking,
Sewage maintenance was just draining,
I just wasn't taking off as a pilot,
My spell as a wizard didn't work,
Working at a coffee shop was too much of a grind,
I didn't make the grade as a teacher,
I didn't have the thyme to be a chef,
My career as a comedian was a joke,
I couldn't see a future being a historian,
And now I'm an archaeologist and my future lies in ruins!

Saw others translating Russian and Romanian jokes and thought I'd share two Hungarian ones (but be warned, Hungarian humor is terrible)

György had a headache and asked his friend for advice, and his friend said he could cure the headache by hammering a nail into the place it hurt. So he lined up the nail and was getting ready to hit when he saw György cringing. "What are you scared of?" the friend asked, and György replied, "I'm scared that you'll miss!"

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A man says to a woman, "I wish you would bring your smile over to my place."

The woman replies, "Aren't you a ladies' man!"

And the man replies, "No, I'm a dentist."

---------------

Still reading? You're crazy! Okay, here's a "bonus" one.

An electrician enters the room in the hospital where they keep the patients on life support and he calls out, "Take a deep breath, everyone! I need to change a fuse!"

Two Electricians Are Working On A Telephone Pole

As they're working, an old woman walks by them. The first electrician calls out "Ma'am! Can you move that wire aside for us?"

She replies "Oh yes, deary", as she picks up the wire and moves it out of the sidewalk and strolls off.

The second electrician says to the first "I told you it wasn't live, moron."

Triplets talking about what they want to be when they grow up

3 unborn babies are in their mothers womb talking about what they want to be when they grow up. The first one says "I'll be a plumber so I can fix this leak in here." The second says "I'll be an electrician so I can get some lighting in here." The third one says "I want to be a hunter so the next time that weasel sticks his head in here I'll blast it off.

(Can't take credit for this, heard it a long time ago)

My friend the electrician

I had this friend in school. Great guy, always cracking jokes. Life of the party. But after we finished school, we went our separate ways. I went off to university, he became an electrician. About a year later, we were both in our home town, so we decided to catch up. It was just like old times, he hadn't changed a bit. We had some laughs, swapped stories, and then we went our separate ways again. We didn't see each other again for about 3 or 4 years after that, when we decided to catch up again. This time though, he seemed...different. He wasn't cracking jokes, he was a lot quieter. He explained to me that being an electrician had affected the way he looks at the world. I was surprised, because I hadn't noticed a trace of that in our last meeting. It made me wonder: at what point did this happen? How long do you have to be an electrician before it makes you a completely different person? I guess what I'm asking is, 'How many light bulbs does it take to change a man?'

Lil' Jon's Electrician

Popular music icon Lil Jon had returned home from his world tour to find his electrician finishing up his renovations.

"The place looks great!" Said Lil Jon.

"Thanks," the electrician replied, "But there's one thing I have to show you."

The electrician guided Lil Jon into Lil Jon's personal bar. Strangely, it had only a single light bulb dangling from the ceiling.

"I don't understand," said Lil Jon. "Why did you install this light bulb?"

"This is a special light bulb!" The electrician replied enthusiastically. "In order to help you live a healthier lifestyle, the bulb will become dimmer the more you drink. When it gets too dark to see, you know it's time to call it a night."

Lil Jon was astounded.

"I can't wait to try it out!" he said. So that night, Lil Jon had a party with all his closest family and friends. They laughed and drank and danced the evening away.

Around 11:00 PM, the party guests became tired and some had even begun to go home. But Lil' Jon was not satisfied.

"The party must go on!" He shouted, as the light bulb began to darken. "Get me another round of shots!"

It had turned down four watts.

So four guys are driving in a car..

And suddenly the car stops. The first guy is a chemists and suggests it could be a chemical problem and that they may be out of gas, the second guy is an electrician and says he believes it could be something with the spark plugs and that they should check that, the third guy is a mechanic and says he thinks it could be the engine and that it needed to be looked at, the last guy is an IT worker and suggests that they all get out of the car, then back in, and shut the doors then try again.

Today a whole bunch of friends in trade school started throwing jokes around. These were the funniest.

What do you call a electrician who tries to be a carpenter?
A lousy carpenter

What do yoy call a carpenter who tries to be an electrican?
A dead carpenter

What do you call a electrician with a hammer?
Thief

An electrician is contracted to do work in Africa

He works in Africa setting up the electrical systems for the schools and hospitals that a mission is helping build. During his work there he meets a pastor and they chat and eventually become friends. One day the electrician mentions to his friend the idea that the priest should say some prayers for the system once him and his co-workers are finished setting up the electrical system.

A couple years later, the priest is at a charity event where he is talking to the various guests.

One asks "I heard you did work in Africa, what exactly did you do there?"

And the priest replies "I blessed the mains down in Africa".

Two electrician friends meet at the hardware store after work

and chat about LED fixtures and other areas of illuminating rooms for a few hours. When the one electrician returns home to his wife that asks what took so long, he replies

"Me and my friend were just having a light conversation at the store."

A mechanic, an electrician and a software developer were in a car.

The car stops working.

-It's the carburetor, says the mechanic. We just have to get down and clean it.

-It's the ignition, says the electrician. We have to check the spark plugs and we'll make it work.

-"Guys, I propose getting out of the car and getting back in and maybe it will start working."

The Night the Eiffel Tower’s Lights Went Out

One fateful night, the lights on the Eiffel Tower went out. It was, of course, a national tragedy for all of France and quite a problem, not the least of which being the fact that airplanes could very easily fly right into the thing.

The French government called every last engineer or electrician they could think of, and each one tried to fix the lights with no success. It was a baffling, befuddling problem that it seemed nobody could solve.

Then, out of nowhere, a man with the smallest hands anyone had ever seen came to the French officials and said, “I’ll do it. I’ll fix lights.”

The officials asked him what qualifications he had.

“None.”

They asked him his plan.

“None.”

The officials laughed, but they were out of options. So they sent the man up to the top of the tower with no hope that he could succeed.

But he did.

Within minutes, the lights on the Eiffel Tower shined brighter than they ever had. The officials were stunned, but elated. As the small-handed man came back down from the tower, they regaled him and hailed him as a national hero.

One question remained, however.

“How’d you do it? How’d you fix it?”

The man’s speech was poor, and he said few words, but he did say this:

“Mini hands make light work.”

There were 3 kids in their mother's womb...

...The first one says, "When I get outta here I'm gonna be a plumber because it's always wet in here." The second one says, "When I get outta here I'm gonna be an electrician because it's always dark in here." The third one says, "When I get outta here I'm gonna be a hunter." "Why a hunter?" the other two ask. "Because that damn snake keeps poking his head in here.

In a interview, my boss asked me, "Why do you think you should work here?"

I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

I then tried crushing cans for recycling, but I quit because it was soda-pressing.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it'd add a little spice to my life but I just did not have the thyme.

Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I did not have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just did not fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.

So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

SO I RETIRED AND I FOUND I AM A PERFECT FIT FOR THE JOB!"

A duck walks into a bar

A talking duck that happens to be an electrician walks into a bar and orders a pint of his favourite larger.
The bartender asks him how was work, to which the duck replies "ah its been a long week with a few tough jobs, I was thinking about a career change"
The bartender takes a moment to think and then tells the duck "Well why don't you apply for the circus, they are in town this month"
The ducks looks puzzled and asks "what would they want with an electrician"

An mechanical engineer, electrician and programmer are driving in a car.

After few hours their car suddenly stops and they start to wonder what went wrong.
Mechanical engineer says: "I bet there's something wrong with the engine."
Electrician says: "I think the battery might be dead."
Programmer thinks for a while and then says: "Guys, what if we get out of the car and then back in?"

Three dudes and a broken car

Electrician, chemist and the computer technician are riding in a car and the car brakes down. Electrician says "Probably there's something wrong with the wires" chemist says "Maybe there's something wrong with the fuel" and the computer technician says "Let's close all the windows, get out of the car, get back inside and open the windows"

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 6 had a crush on 7 ever since middle school, but couldn't build up the courage to ask her out. His friends 8 and 9 pushed him to ask her out to prom, and she said yes. They fell in love and got married, 6 got a job as an electrician and 7 played as the house wife. They had 2 beautiful twin girls named 4 and 5, they liked to play hide and seek in the back yard a lot together. But 6 was getting stressed out because he couldn't pay his bills which caused him to drink, he started to get distant from his own family. 6 started taking it out on his wife and kids by beating them. One day 6 took it too far and killed 7 right in from of 4 and 5, and then called the police, and hung himself in front of his kids. 4 and 5 were taken to an orphanage after that, they couldn't get the image out of their head of their daddy beating mommy and hanging himself afterwards without a thought of his own kids. A lot of the kids in the orphanage didn't like 4 and 5, they made fun of them for having weird names, all that they had was each other. One of the top dog orphans, 17, started pushing around 4. 5 tried to step in and protect her twin sister, but he was too strong and threw her out of the way. 17 began to tear off 4's pants as she cried and flayed, and then began to unbutton his own pants. A huge member came out of his trousers, in the shape of a 7, and stuck it inside 4's 0. 5 flailed her arms on 17's back crying for him to stop, but he threw his arm towards 5, causing a deep red gash on her forehead, she was knocked out. 17 began to take his hands and cover them over 4's mouth and nose, leaving her unable to breathe, and then faded to a darkness. 17 was given a life sentence in a high facility prison for the murder of 2 girls.

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