Atheist Jokes

Contents

Funniest Atheist Jokes

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years? Church

Edit: Thanks for Frontpage I will read thru all this when I get home and yeah I'm not an Atheist I'm a Christian

Score: 1588

An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar I know because they told me.

Score: 1413

An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

Score: 1321

An atheist, vegan, and crossfitter walk into a bar I don't know what happened because I left

Score: 331
Funny Atheist Jokes
Score: 308

What do you call an atheist business? A non-prophet organization.

Score: 291

A vegan, an atheist, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know because they told everybody

Score: 267

Why did the Atheist fail algebra? He didn't believe in higher powers.

Score: 227

What do you call an atheist charity? A non-prophet organization

Score: 146

A crossfitter, an atheist, and a vegan walk into a bar I only know because they told everyone.

Score: 90

Most of the year I'm an atheist but I typically start to believe during the holidays. I guess you could say I'm **Eggnog**stic. ^I'll ^^show ^^^myself ^^^^out

Score: 65

What do you call an atheist charity? A non-prophet organisation.

Score: 61

What do you get if you cross an insomniac with an atheist and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night, wondering if there is a file after death.

Score: 55

Why did the atheist fail algebra? He never recognized a higher power.

Score: 55

An atheist, a vegan, and a cross fit enthusiast walk into a bar. And everyone knows because he won't shut up about it.

Score: 45

An American walks into an Irish pub An Irishman yells, "Oi, Yank! Are you Catholic or are you Protestant?"

"Err... I'm atheist," the tourist says awkwardly.

"Ahh, but which one don't you believe in?"

Score: 45

Did you know the guy who invented autocorrect is an atheist? He's going to he'll

Score: 44

What does a dyslexic atheist with insomnia do? Stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Score: 42

A rabbi, a priest, and an atheist walk into a bar. The bartender sees them and says, "What is this, a joke?!"

Score: 42

Why can't atheist solve exponential problems? Because they don't believe in higher powers.

Score: 39

An atheist walks into a bar that's full, and someone gets up and offers him a space. Why doesn't he take it? Because then he'd be a theist.

Score: 37

What's a dilemma for an atheist vegan? What will they tell you about first??

Score: 36

I'm dyslexic, atheist & insomniac I stayed up all night wondering if there really is a doG

Score: 32

A Atheist,Vegan, and athlete walk into a bar, I only know them because they told everyone in the first 5 minutes

Score: 30

A vegan, atheist and crossfittter walk into a bar...... I knew this because they told everyone within two minutes

Score: 29

I'm confused. My professor told me Nietzsche was 'an atheist who worshiped at the altar of nihilism'. Is nothing sacred?

Score: 28

An Atheist, a Vegan and a Vaper walks into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes -_-

Score: 27

What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night? Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog.

Score: 26

An atheist, a vegan, and a cross-fitter walked into a bar. I know because they told everyone within the first two minutes.

Score: 25

What does a dyslexic atheist with insomnia do with their time? They stay up late at night wondering if there is a Dog.

Score: 25

What do you call an Atheist who loves Indian food? A NAAN believer.

Score: 24

What's the difference between a theist extremist and an atheist extremist? One wants you to think like them, the other just wants you to think.

Score: 19

How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb? One. The atheist actually changes the light bulb, rather than praying that it will be done.

Score: 19

An atheist and a vegan walk into a bar... The only reason I know this is because they both told everybody.

Score: 13

So a priest walks up to an atheist and says afterlife. The atheist stares and says I don't get it.

The priest says I know.

Score: 12

A Creationist and Atheist Debate Creationist: If man evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Atheist: If Adam came from dirt, why is there still dirt?

Score: 12

What do you get when you cross a Mormon with an atheist? Someone who knocks on doors for no apparent reason.

Score: 8

What do you get when you cross an atheist and a christian? An argument

Score: 8

Final Destination What do you call an open-casket viewing at an atheist's funeral?
All dressed up and nowhere to go.

Score: 8

What do you get by cross-breeding a jehovahs witness and an atheist? Someone who pointlessly knocks on the door.

Score: 7

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New Atheist Jokes

What do you do as a Dyslexic Insomniac Atheist? You stay up all night questioning the existence of a dog.

Score: 4

A man joins an atheist club at his school and at the first meeting says "Hello, I'm Christian" and the leader of the club kicks him out. It's difficult being an atheist named Christian.

Score: 4

I'm a part of the atheist community Its a non-prophet organization

Score: 4

The Atheist Church of America just filed a new tax status with the IRS. ​

They are a non-prophet organization.

Score: 7

My atheist wife wants to name our son a biblical name. Honestly, I'm appauled

Score: 3

You can be atheist as much as you want... ...but Britney still believes.

Score: 1

A vegan, an atheist and a mobile dev walk into a bar You might have already noticed that...

Score: 2

An Atheist, a Christian and a Buddhist all walk into a bar. What a diverse neighborhood.

Score: 1

What do you say when you're an Atheist Jew? I am Jew-ish

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It’s hard being a dyslexic atheist believing that dogs don’t exist.

Score: 2

A religious man asks an athiest, “Do we have free will?” Atheist: “We do, but only because we have no choice!”

Score: 2

An atheist, a feminist, and a Trump supporter walk into a bar I know because they each told me within the first 10 seconds of meeting them.

Score: 1

What do you call the atheist head covering? A fedora

Score: 7

An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. I know because they told me.

Score: 3

If you meet an atheist, vegan Crossfitter, what is the first thing he tells you about? His vaping

Score: 1

Q&A Q: What did the employed Muslim say to the unemployed atheist?

A: Get a hijab

Score: 3

What do you get when you cross an Atheist with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who knocks on your door for no reason.

Score: 3

An Atheist, a Feminist, and a Vegan walk into a bar. I know because they made sure everyone did.

Score: 6

a fly and his prayer Atheist: What's this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: Praying.
Atheist: Very funny. I can't eat this. Take it back.
Waiter: You see? The fly's prayers were answered.

Score: 1

An atheist, a vegan... ...and a CrossFitter walk into a bar. The whole bar knew this within 2 minutes.

Score: 2

What do you call an atheist church? A non-prophet organization.

Score: 7

Why do atheist organizations make little money? They are non-prophets

Score: 2

Did you hear the one about the atheist charity? It's a non-prophet.

Score: 7

An atheist, dyslexic insomniac spends all his nights wondering About the existence of dog.

Score: 2

How do you know someone's an atheist vegan engineer who does crossfit? Don't worry, you'd know

Score: 2

An Irish mobster approached a man on the street... He demanded "what are you, protestant or catholic?"

The man said "i'm atheist actually"

The mobster thought for a second and said "protestant atheist or catholic atheist?"

Score: 5

What do you call an atheist Kanye West? Ye of little faith

Score: 1

An atheist, a vegan, and a marathon runner walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

Score: 3

A vegan, an atheist and a person who does cross fit walk into a bar... And within 5 seconds I know all of this because they won't stop telling everyone.

Score: 2

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