Hillary Clinton Jokes

Contents

Funniest Hillary Clinton Jokes

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

Donald Trump said if I voted for Hillary Clinton I'd have a President constantly under Federal investigation. I did and we do.

Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? America.

So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

Funny Hillary Clinton Jokes

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a plane crash. Who survives? America.

If Hillary Clinton won she would’ve been the first F president. I didn’t say female because someone deleted the emale.

If Hillary Clinton is elected as our first female President it's really going to redefine a few things for me.... ....Like the words President Bush.

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump? Because orange is the new black.

Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President.

What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol? Depends, what is yours?

Why does Hillary Clinton have two Ls in her first name? 1 for 2008, 1 for 2016

I really think Hillary Clinton will be the first f president Oops. I meant female but the emale got deleted

What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and an acronym? An acronym stands for something

How many Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They prefer to be left in the dark.

Hillary Clinton will potentially be the first f***** president. I wrote female, but apparently someone deleted the email

Donald Trump, Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton are in a boat, and the boat sinks. Who is saved? The United States of America.

This speech will be very hard for Hillary Clinton... She isn't getting paid for it

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush jump of a bridge. They do a race who hits the ground first. Who wins? Society

Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency: "I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."

What does Hillary Clinton say when she's unhappy at a restaurant? Can I have a different server?

What did Hillary Clinton do when her email was hacked? She asked Donald Trump to build a firewall.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar. They ask the bartender, "What have you got?"

The bartender points to two taps.

They say, "What? That's it?! We don't like either of those choices!"

The bartender says, "Now you know how I feel."

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a debate... America says, "What is this, a joke?"

They should send Hillary Clinton to the U.S. Mexico border Since no one can get over her...

Bernie Sanders is such a socialist... ...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa.

Monica Lewinski Will Not Vote for Hillary Clinton The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

Hillary Clinton could've been the first f president. Sorry, I meant to write female but the emale got deleted.

The year is 2016. Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are both travelling in the same plane. Plane comes crashing down. Who survives? America.

Why do people like Hillary Clinton? When she can't even stand herself?

If Hillary Clinton was elected, she would have been the first f president. I would say female, but the emale got deleted.

What do Hillary Clinton and the World Trade Center have in common? Both collapsed on 9/11 after becoming overheated.

There's an email going around that claims to include a nude photo of Hillary Clinton Don't open it. It contains a nude photo of Hillary Clinton.

What do the Hindenberg, the Titanic and Hillary Clinton have in common? Going down on any of them would be horrifying.

What's the most embarrassing part about Hillary Clinton's emails? The Nigerian Prince actually came through with the money transfer.

If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton gets in a car crash who will survive? America.

2/3 of all impeached presidents were done so for the same reason for embarrassing Hillary Clinton

[OC] What is Hillary Clinton's favorite video game? Super-Pac man.

Hillary Clinton walks into a bar... Hillary Clinton walks into a bar with a pig on a leash.

The bartender looks at them and says "You can't bring that cow in here!"

Hillary replies, "It's a pig, not a cow."

The bartender says "I was talking to the pig."

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New Hillary Clinton Jokes

What does Hillary Clinton day when she calls the suicide hotline? “Hello, I’d like to place an order”

Boris Johnson, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden are in a plane crash. Who survives? The world.

Michael Bloomberg will not pick Hillary Clinton as his VP He's not ready to commit suicide

What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and Adolf Hitler? Hitler won an election.

Instead of ‘Clue’, we should have a game called ‘Epstein’ where the objective is to find out who the murderer is. Players include Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Prince Edwards!

Santa goes down the chimney and sees Jennifer Flowers, Monika Lewinsky and Hillary Clinton in the living room. Santa says Ho, Ho, B**ch!

How do you piss off 100s of millions of people at the same time? Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were both upstanding candidates fully deserving of the US presidency.

Guess What Happened To Hillary Clintons Emails! \[Removed\]

[Politics] Joke Advice: Don’t make Hillary Clinton jokes in this subreddit. They’re not funny.

Rather, they’re hillary-ious.

Hillary Clinton should’ve been the first F president. Sorry, I meant female, but the emale got deleted.

How many Russians does it take to make Hillary Clinton lose an election? None

Hillary Clinton should have been the first F president. Sorry, I meant female, but the emale got deleted.

Hillary Clinton's Emails \[deleted\]

What is Hillary Clinton's least favorite vegetable? Leaks

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on the same plane. The plane crashes, who survives? America.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are sitting in a boat. The boat sinks. Who survives? America.

What's Hillary Clinton's favorite drink? Wine.

Why didn't Monica Lewinsky vote for Hillary Clinton? The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

What is Hillary Clinton's Favorite Brand of Pizza? Little Seizures!!!

Instead of Hillary Clinton, maybe Stormy Daniels should have run against Trump? I'm pretty sure she would've spanked him.

Do you know the difference between Vladimir Putin and Hillary Clinton? Vladimir Putin can win an election rigged in his favor

Hillary Clinton found out that Bill was getting it on with Monica Lewinsky. She shrugged her shoulders and said "Better her than me."

What's Hillary Clinton's campaign slogan for the next election? Hindsight 2020

Why will Congress never impeach Hillary Clinton? Because she didn't win the election.

What does Hillary Clinton do with her old, out-of-style clothes? She wears them.

How did Hillary Clinton beat Bernie? The same way Monica beat Bill... under the table

I'm going to the Halloween party at my office today as President Hillary Clinton I'm not going to show up.

Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

Trump is going to reveal the classified JFK assassination details Turns out it was Hillary Clinton.

Nobody's happier about hurricane Irma than Hillary Clinton and Al Gore It's the only reason their books are flying off the shelves in Florida.

Hillary Clinton is scheduled for a book signing in Brookfield, CT at Costco Strange that she chose Costco, because Bill prefers BJ's

I once went to dinner with Hillary Clinton, but the waiter never came to our table. I guess it was a secret server.

Hillary Clinton would've been the first F president I would've said female, but she deleted the email.

Hillary Clinton's New Book Is Already A Bestseller, And It Isn't Even Out Yet Kinda like how she had won all those primaries before anyone got to cast a vote!

why are the new york jets like Hillary Clinton? both have Bills to push around

The day after FBI Director James Comey was fired... ...Hillary Clinton sent him an e-mail. It started,


*Dear James,*

*I hope this e-mail reaches you.*

Trump should build a wall with Hillary Clinton's emails. Seems like the only thing people can't get over.

What does Hillary Clinton and La La Land have in common? They both thought they were going to win.

Miss Columbia, Hillary Clinton, and La La Land won Miss Universe, the U.S. Presidency, and Best Picture. In theory.

Did you hear Atlanta is getting a new mascot? Hillary Clinton

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Long Hillary Clinton Jokes

It's Bill and Hillary Clinton's fiftieth anniversary...

As they sat over a candle lit dinner, Hillary made a confession. "Bill," she says. "You know that box in the basement you told me never to open?"
"Yes" says Bill.
"It had been bothering me for years and finally curiosity won over. I opened it."
Bill sighed in disappointment. Hillary asked, "I found three empty beer bottles and seventy seven dollars. Can I ask why you were keeping three empty beer bottles?"
"Well, Hillary. I'm going to be honest. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I would come home and open a beer. I would drink it thinking about how I really love you and how sorry I was. The beer bottles are reminders of the mistakes I made cheating on you."
Hillary was surprised but she knew his past and accepted it. "Bill, I'm dissapointed, but we have been through worse. I love you and I forgive you. Can I ask why there was seventy seven dollars in the box?"
Bill shrugged. "Everytime the box filled up with beer bottles, I took them back for the deposit."

A man dies and goes to heaven

In heaven, he sees a wall of very large clocks.

He asks the Angel "What are all these clocks for?"

Angel answers "These are lie clocks, every person has one lie clock. Whenever you lie on earth, the clock ticks once."



The man points towards a clock and asks, "Who's clock does this belong to?"

Angel answers 'This clock belongs to Mother Teresa. It has never moved, so she has never told a lie."

then the man asks "Where is Hillary Clintons clock?"

The Angel replies "That one is in our office, we use it as a table fan."

Hillary Clinton is elected president, . . .

and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, "George, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of George Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

The next night, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, "Thomas, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, "Listen to the people."

She says, "Oh, I don't think I can do that."

On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, "Abraham, what can I do to best serve the United States?"

The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, "Go see a play."

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race

The people of the US hated all the candidates so much that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be.
Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea:
A literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the white house, and the best time would become president.
Bernie Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, he takes 24 minutes.
Trump goes next and posts a time of 14 minutes 24 seconds.
Hillary Clinton goes last, running as fast as she can in an effort to beat Trumps time. She finally crosses the finish line in just under 10 minutes.
"Aha, that must be some kind of record!" she exclaims.

"I don't think so," says Obama, "Bush did 9:11"

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash.

A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes.
The first passenger yells, "I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't
afford to die." he took the first parachute and jumped.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs screaming, "I'm the smartest man in the world & the next President of America. He grabbed the second parachute and jumped.
The 3rd passenger, Hillary Clinton, says to Bernie Sanders "Take the last parachute."
Bernie says, "It's ok Hillary, there is a parachute for both of us. The
world's smartest man just took my backpack."

Q&A Time w/Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.

"Kenny," he says.

"And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks.

"I have three questions," he says.
"First -- what happened in Benghazi?
"Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts?
"Third -- what happened to that six billion dollars that went missing while you were Secretary of State?”

Just then the bell rings for recess.

Hillary tells the students that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says,

"Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?”

A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.

Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is.

"Johnny," he says.

"What is your question, Johnny?" she asks.

"I have five questions," he says.
"First -- what happened in Benghazi?
"Second -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts?
"Third -- whatever happened to that six billion dollars that went missing while you were Secretary of State?
"Fourth -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
"And, fifth -- where's Kenny?”

The 2016 Presidential Race is ending...

It's the end of the 2016 presidential race and the people of the United States hated all the candidates so much that nobody voted. The government is in a panic trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be. Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea: a literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap around the White House and the person with the best time would become president. Bernie Sanders goes first, but being as old as he is, he takes about 24 minutes. Trump goes next and arrives with a time of 14:26. Hillary Clinton goes last, running as fast as she can, trampling the flowers and shrubs in her way in an effort to beat Trump's time. She finally crosses the finish line at just under ten minutes.

"Aha!" She exclaims, "That must be some kind of record!"

"I don't think so," says Obama, "Bush did 9:11"

A man, his dog, and a sheep

A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed-up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.


After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.

That evening, the man brought Hillary to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave-in and leaned over to Hillary and told her he hadn't had *** for months. Hillary batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'

Hillary Clinton is elected President.

On her first night in the White House (not counting when she was first lady), she is visited by the ghost of George Washington.

She asks, "What can I do to help America?"

Washington replies "Serve your country selflessly and always be honest"

*Hillary laughs in his face*

On her second day in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.

She asks, "What can I do to help America?"

Jefferson replies "Remember that governments derive their power from the consent of the governed, and that the individual is to have sovereignty over himself."

*Hillary laughs in his face*

On her third day in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.

She asks, "What can I do to help America?"

Lincoln replies "Go to the theater."

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one night

when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened.

About one hour later Hillary sees her driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

”What happened to you?” asked Hillary.

”Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me.”

”My God, what did you tell them?” asks Clinton.

The driver replies, ”I’m Hillary Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig!”

So, why did the chicken cross the road?

So why did the chicken cross the road?  


SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!


BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.


JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.


HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?


GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.


DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?


BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.


AL GORE: I invented the chicken.... and the road.


JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.


AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?


DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.


OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.


ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.


NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.


PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.


MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.


DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.


ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.


GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.


DONALD TRUMP: We should build a wall so the chicken can't cross the road.


BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.


ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.


BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.


ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?


COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

KING DAVID: O Lord, why dost the chicken cross the road? And why art the chicken hawks beset around it? Surely in vain the road is crossed in the sight of any predator.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?


Edit: wow I’m so glad you guys are enjoying this, and my first gold!! Thank you!!!

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery...

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery.

As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.
She says to Donald, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.” I will definitely win the election.

The Donald says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?" Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket"

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road

one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it , but couldn't. The aged cow was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow. She stayed in the car making phone calls.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you?," asked Hillary .

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."

"What did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton walk into a bakery.

As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.”
The Donald says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

Trump goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Trump asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"

Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket"

Hillary Clinton goes t o a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says
And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.

I have three questions," he says.

"1st -- whatever happened in Benghazi?

2nd -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts?

And, 3rd -- whatever happened to the missing six-billion-dollars while you were Secretary
of State?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a
question?"


A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.

Hillary points to him and asks him what his name is. "Johnny," he says.

"And what is your question, Johnny?" she asks.

"I have five questions," he says.

"1st -- whatever happened in Benghazi?

2nd -- why would you run for president if you are not capable of handling two e-mail accounts?

3rd -- whatever happened to the missing six-billion dollars while you were Secretary of State?

4th -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?"

And 5th -- where's Kenneth?"

Hillary Clinton speaks to the schoolchildren

Teacher: Class please welcome Hillary Clinton today. She will answer your questions.

Hillary: Hello class. Who has the first question?

*Johnny raises hand*

Johnny: My name is Johnny. I have 3 questions.

- Why did you lie about Benghazi?
- What was in those emails you deleted?
- And does your pattern of corruption mean we can never trust you?

*The recess bell rings and the children return 40 minutes later.*

Hillary: Ok. Where were we? Who has a question?

*Kid raises hand*

George: My name is George and I have 5 questions.

- Why did you lie about Benghazi?
- What was in those emails you deleted?
- Does your pattern of corruption mean we can never trust you?
- Why did the bell ring 10 minutes early?
- And... uh... oh yeah. Where's Johnny?

How did Trump win?

"Hillary Clinton" and "Donald Trump" go into a bakery.

Hillary Clinton steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.
She says to Donald Trump "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.” I will definitely win the election.

Donald Trump: "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

Donald Trump goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick." Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?" Donald Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket".

Hillary Clinton has a seizure during the debate...

"Mrs. Clinton," the Moderator asks, "What is your plan to lower the national debt?"

Suddenly, Hillary flails her arms around, rolls her eyes wildly, foams at the mouth, and gibbers incoherently for several awkward minutes. Finally, she collapses in a heap and soils herself.

"Hey!" Trump interrupts, "Is she allowed to just steal my answer like that??"

Hillary Clinton was visiting a school...

In one class, she asks the students if anyone can give her an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stands up and offers "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy."

"No", Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved....that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not" explains Clinton. "That is what we call a GREAT LOSS." The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't anyone able to give me an example of tragedy?"

Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says; "If an airplane carrying Hillary and Bill Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous, can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it couldn't be an accident, and certainly would be no great loss!"

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