As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today. I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner? Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year. We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land.
I feel bad for eating all the Thanksgiving leftovers that were in the fridge... but it's hard to quit cold turkey.
It seems like every year I wind up eating leftovers from Thanksgiving until weeks afterwards. Not this year though, I'm quitting cold turkey.
Since it's so close to Thanksgiving, remember this
Give a man some corn, he eats for a day. Teach a man to grow corn, he kills you and steals your land!
Happy Thanksgiving from your friendly, neighborhood Native American!
If you login to Amazon
and other retailers websites for Thanksgiving sale, you may save up to 70%........
But if you don't login, you'll save 100%
What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving?
Drugs. She eats drugs.
-Adam Zopf @adamzopf
A twist on a Thanksgiving classic . . .
Written by my twelve-year-old brother:
Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?
A: Separatists and small pox.
I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving ... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me
Political opinions are like dicks.... Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
If you want to break your addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers... you need to quit cold turkey.
After eating Thanksgiving at my house, my friends are always asking me how I prepare the turkey... ...easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.
My family told me to stop eating the leftover Thanksgiving food from the fridge. But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.
What do Thanksgiving and the Kurds have in common?
America loves them and Turkey would prefer they didn't exist.
What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and an EA game? The turkey is stuffed with content and you only have to pay for it once.
"Doctor, I have heard lots of voices that are making me want to kill my family" Doctor - "Yeah that is just Thanksgiving Dinner"
I didn't think housework is a full-time job, so for Thanksgiving my wife served me a raw turkey. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.
Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend? Because they're both roasted
I'm addicted to thanksgiving leftovers. But thankfully I've gotten some help and I'm quitting cold turkey.
I've had Thanksgiving dinner four times and I'm kind of getting addicted. I'm quitting this cold turkey.
It seems like every year I wind up eating leftovers from Thanksgiving until weeks afterward. Not this year though, I'm quitting cold turkey.
I dropped the thanksgiving dinner and caused a geopolitical incident. The fall of Turkey. The splattering of Greece. And the breaking up of China.
Why did this year's Thanksgiving stuffing taste different from last year's? The chef didn't have enough thyme
Hey guys it’s no nut November... Which sucks cuz thanksgiving is the only time I see my cousins.
As of 2019, Trump is the best Thanksgiving president.
He let the biggest Turkey off scot free.
A month earlier.
Trump must have never eaten a thanksgiving poutine... Anyone who has could tell you curds and turkey don’t get along.
Thanksgiving is coming up, which means it's time for my whole family to get together and start arguing about the blacks I just want to watch football in peace; I wish they'd shut up about the whole "plasma vs QLED TV" debate.
What do you call the separate table at Thanksgiving covered with pies, cakes, and cookies? Desserted Island
What do you call the table full of pies and cakes at Thanksgiving isolated from all the other foods? The desserted island.
What does your racist uncle have in common with the Ebola virus? They both make Thanksgiving dinner uncomfortable for everyone.
My father has a serious problem with Thanksgiving leftovers, he won't stop till they're gone So he quit cold turkey
Why does Trump have the most expensive Thanksgiving day? Because he’ll impose tariff on Turkey
While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they’re dead."
I've been battling my addiction to thanksgiving leftovers for over a decade now. It's hard to quit cold turkey.
What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have in common? They both know what it’s like to be jammed into a small place and stuffed
I like to keep my Thanksgiving dinner simple: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and veggies Everything else is just gravy
A Thanksgiving joke from my uncle
Has anyone ever had a turducken?
Yeah I have. I started to push it out, but it ducked right back in
Guy at work: They don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in India, do they? Me: They would if Columbus had stopped to ask for directions...
For $60 you can have Thanksgiving at EA headquarters. For another $2000 they'll unlock the whole buffet.
Why is Secretary of State Tillerson holding middle east peace talks during Thanksgiving in Wisconsin? It's the only state that serves curds and turks at the same table.
There was going to be a big thanksgiving dinner in the hood for homeless people and it was canceled . Because the cameras weren't working
The day after Thanksgiving is often the biggest capitalist/materialistic shopping day every year. I'm protesting it this year, and had to think of the movement's slogan... Black Fridays Matter.
Marriage is like Thanksgiving dinner You can make it last, but it gets a little worse every day.
What do people black people eat on Black Friday? Whatever they couldn't finish on Thanksgiving Thursday you racist
After Thanksgiving dinner, I told my wife she should be on a cooking show. Now I'm sleeping on the couch. Worst Cooks in America has decent ratings. Why is she complaining?
My Thanksgiving dinner was almost perfect. All it needed was a little something to make it a bit more moist. That would be gravy.
All Canadians are hipsters because they all celebrated Thanksgiving a month before it was cool.
We're celebrating Thanksgiving the old fashioned way at my place this year By inviting our neighbors over to eat and then killing them and taking their land
When political debate comes up this Thanksgiving break and you find someone at the other end of spectrum just say one thing. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.