Thanksgiving Jokes

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today. I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year... You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner? Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.

We're having a traditional Thanksgiving this year. We're going to invite the neighbors to dinner, murder them, and take their land.

What do Americans and Putin have in common? They'll both be nuking Turkey after Thanksgiving.

What does Miley Cyrus serve on Thanksgiving? Twerky.

Compliments of my 6 year old son.

I feel bad for eating all the Thanksgiving leftovers that were in the fridge... but it's hard to quit cold turkey.

Happy Thanksgiving Guys! I hope Internet Explorer sends this in time.

It seems like every year I wind up eating leftovers from Thanksgiving until weeks afterwards. Not this year though, I'm quitting cold turkey.

I used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers But then I quit cold turkey

Since it's so close to Thanksgiving, remember this Give a man some corn, he eats for a day. Teach a man to grow corn, he kills you and steals your land!

Happy Thanksgiving from your friendly, neighborhood Native American!

What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving? Beef with turkey

It's Thanksgiving, who doesn't like Turkey? Russia

If you login to Amazon and other retailers websites for Thanksgiving sale, you may save up to 70%........


But if you don't login, you'll save 100%

Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving? Because they don't like Turkey

Thanksgiving joke What does Miley Cyrus eat for Thanksgiving?

Twerky!

Just kidding...

Drugs. She eats drugs.



-Adam Zopf ‏@adamzopf

A twist on a Thanksgiving classic . . . Written by my twelve-year-old brother:

Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?
A: Separatists and small pox.

I don't understand why the Lions and Vikings get to play on thanksgiving. Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

So this guy checks into rehab the day after Thanksgiving. He couldn't quit cold turkey.

Tasty Tattoo My girl just got a tattoo of a turkey on one thigh and Santa Claus on the other.

She wants to show that there *is* something good to eat in between
Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I couldn't bring myself to shoot my own turkey for thanksgiving ... So I dressed one up in baggy sweat pants and gave it a bag of skittles and a cop shot it for me

If you want to break your addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers... you need to quit cold turkey.

After eating Thanksgiving at my house, my friends are always asking me how I prepare the turkey... ...easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.

I think my favorite Thanksgiving food is pie But some people say that's irrational...

A Chinese family's dog ran away one night ...Thanksgiving was ruined.

I've decided to avoid Turkey this Thanksgiving... Way too close to Syria.

What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire? How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on thanksgiving)

My family told me to stop eating the leftover Thanksgiving food from the fridge. But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.

One my 5 yr old told me: why didn’t my teddy bear get invited to thanksgiving? He ‘s already stuffed!

Two men from Texas are having a conversation... The first man asks the second man "Imagine being in the same room with all of the people you've slept with." The second man responds with "I don't have to imagine, I do that every thanksgiving."

What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and an EA game? The turkey is stuffed with content and you only have to pay for it once.

Thanksgiving Shopping A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.

The day after Thanksgiving is often the biggest capitalist/materialistic shopping day every year. I'm protesting it this year, and had to think of the movement's slogan... Black Fridays Matter.

The cowboys play the redskins this year in thanksgiving day. Just like the first thanksgiving.

A Native American scolded me for celebrating Thanksgiving, a celebration of slaughter So I said, "you're right, it's awful what they've done to the turkeys all these years."

I was addicted to poultry until after thanksgiving. It was a terrible cold turkey.

What ethnic group do cannibals eat on thanksgiving? Turkish

Why does Trump have the most expensive Thanksgiving day? Because he’ll impose tariff on Turkey

Thanksgiving... Thanks.