My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
Two men are drinking in a bar
They pull out the sandwiches their wives had lovingly prepared and tuck in.
The bartender comes over and says "you can't eat your own food in here"
So they swapped sandwiches.
Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market
An unpaid internship is nothing like actual slavery Slaves are given food and housing.
What was Icarus’ least favorite food? Hot wings.
If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose?
"More food for me."
Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat? Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.
What does the F in Ethiopia stand for? Food
If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food. I could almost afford a small popcorn.
My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away. Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.
Food is like dark humor not every one gets it.
They say never go food shopping when you're hungry but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier.
I was forced to swallow purple food color. I feel violated.
They say to never go shopping for food when you're hungry but it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.
I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?
My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats
"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.
Edit: Wow! Who knew that by posting an original joke I'd get this many upvotes! That's nuts!
What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake
These times are harder on people with disabilities. My dwarf friend is struggling to put food on the table
being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job but at least it puts food on the table
A black hole walks into a bar
A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.
The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."
Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's? Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...
What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life? A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.
Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house.... .....and it was delicious
My brother didn't like jail
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces.
After that, we never played Monopoly again.
I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you... I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...
My mother used to always say "give your food a rinse before you eat it." Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.
Your mom so fat.. Her favorite jewellery is the food chain
On a first date last night my date asked, ‘So, what do you do?’ Frowning, I held up the menu and said ‘you just choose something from this book of food’
Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.
So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill...
A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat.
I think if he had to build his own computer he'd wouldn't whine on Facebook.
Vegans proven wrong again
If animals really didn't want to be eaten then why would they be made out of food?
Check mate vegans
There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola: The directions say the medication must be taken with food.
There is one thing that United got right: their food is just great. I hear they even serve a Chinese take-out now.
My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry So I broke his nose with a coconut.
My old Mum used to say, "Always give your food a good rinse before you eat it." Lovely woman, terrible sandwiches.
Dark humor is like food not everyone in the world gets it.
I accidentally swallowed some food coloring The doctor says I'm okay, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Good food, but no atmosphere.
Why do bacteria wait 5 seconds before touching food? They first need to skip an ad
I really hate my job as a waiter But it puts food on the table
I went to a restaurant on the summit of Mt. Everest. I give it 3 stars. Food was good, not much atmosphere though.
I have started watching what I eat. The food makes it into my mouth more often now
Every time I go through a fast food window They hand me my food and say “sorry about the weight.” I know I could lose a few pounds but this is just rude.
How much food does it take to kill a communist? None.
Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? It has fantastic food but no atmosphere.
There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin
Did you hear about the haunted health food store? Everything is super-natural.
A beggar asks a man for 5 bucks. Man: "What do you need 5 bucks for?". Beggar: "I need it to buy drugs". Man: "Oh yeah? And how do i know you won't spend it on food?"
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring... The doctor says that i'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little bit on the inside.
A man and a woman are in a restaurant...
When their food arrives, the man exclaims “Well this looks delicious! Let’s eat”
“But don’t we have to say prayer first?” Says the woman
“Honey, we do that at home. Here the chef knows how to cook”
I just had dinner at a Chinese-German fusion restaurant a couple of hours ago The food was great but now I'm hungry for power.
Why can’t blind people eat fish? Because it’s sea food.
There was a man who claimed that, by putting mayonnaise on any food no matter how bland you could make it better. They decided to name it after him and call it Cole's Law.
A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we dont serve food here."
What is Marie Curie’s favorite food? Fission chips.
What do you get when you cross a terrorist and a Hawaiian food truck?
Aloha snack bar!
Today I kicked a breastfeeding mom out of my restaurant Not because other customers thought she was indecent, but because we have a no outside food or drinks policy
Smart!!!! My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Why French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast-food
Why is dark humour, and food so similar? Because not everyone gets it.
I'm at the beach with my friend. He's a huge prankster.
He's just gone way out into the water with some of that red food colouring.
Hasn't moved for about ten minutes. Brilliant.
Queso is the perfect food for socialists.... 'cause everybody chips in!
Apparently my attempt at recreating authentic Middle Eastern recipes gave everyone food poisoning... I falafel.
There's a new restaurant on the moon The food is great but the place has no atmosphere.
Eating food is a lot of work. It's the most calorie consuming thing I do all day.
If I had a nickel for every time I got kicked out of a restaurant... Maybe I wouldn't have to keep stealing the food
What's a virgin's favorite food? A don'tnut
What do you call an Atheist who loves Indian food? A NAAN believer.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar... The bartender goes sorry, we don't serve food here.
I lost my job as a waiter when I served one of the customers his food. On the downside, I got chicken all over my tennis racket.
My Brother took going to jail really badly.
He refused food or drink. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and started throwing things.
We never played Monopoly again.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his food before it was cool.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
I'll see myself out now.
Why did the restaurant on the moon fail? The food was decent but it had no atmosphere.
Have you tried North Korean food? Neither have they
My girlfriend hated my obsession with Japanese food Sushi left me.
I swallowed some food coloring once I went to the doctor and he said I was fine, but I felt like I had dyed a little inside.
What's Peter pans favourite fast food restaurant? Wendy's
What's the deal with airline food these days... nothing but knuckle sandwiches.
I went to a restaurant last night where none of the food was real; it was all just special effects. CGI Fridays.
A guy wants a dog
A guy wants a dog. He goes to one of his relatives if he has an extra dog. The relative says yes.
"Does he like kids?"said the guy
"Yes he does, but you can just give him dog food"
I find that dark humor is a lot like food... ...not everyone gets it.
At a restaurant, I was getting impatient waiting on my food...
I caught the waiter's attention as he rushed by. “How long will my spaghetti be?”
The waiter said: “I don’t know. We never measure it.”
What's it called when a cat meows for food when their bowl is half full? Fake Mews
A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says, "We don't serve food here."
My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats That's nuts, I told him
I accidentally swallowed some food coloring the other day. The doctor said I was fine but I feel like I've dyed a little on the inside.
My friend told me the onion is the only food that makes you cry. I disagreed and threw a coconut at his face.
You can reduce your weight by one simple exercise of shaking your head horizontally. Do it when you are offered food
My friend said that onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I killed his mom with a coconut.
What do dark jokes and food have in common? Not everyone gets them
Strange trend at my office... People are naming food in the break room refrigerator. Today I ate a sandwich named "Kevin".
I swallowed some food coloring earlier. I think I dyed a little inside.
I'm going to open a restaraunt called pantera bread It will be similar to panera bread, but the food we serve will be much heavier
What is Unidan's favorite fast food joint? Five Guys.
My Indian engineering teacher told us this today Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."
I told a Chinese guy that they always smell like Chinese food. He said "aw that's lo, mein."
What do you call a food that turns black people on? An *afro*-disiac.