My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
Two men are drinking in a bar
They pull out the sandwiches their wives had lovingly prepared and tuck in.
The bartender comes over and says "you can't eat your own food in here"
So they swapped sandwiches.
Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market
An unpaid internship is nothing like actual slavery Slaves are given food and housing.
What was Icarus’ least favorite food? Hot wings.
If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose?
"More food for me."
Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat? Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.
What does the F in Ethiopia stand for? Food
If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food. I could almost afford a small popcorn.
My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away. Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.
Food is like dark humor not every one gets it.
They say never go food shopping when you're hungry but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier.
I was forced to swallow purple food color. I feel violated.
They say to never go shopping for food when you're hungry but it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.
I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?
My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats
"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.
Edit: Wow! Who knew that by posting an original joke I'd get this many upvotes! That's nuts!
What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake
These times are harder on people with disabilities. My dwarf friend is struggling to put food on the table
being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job but at least it puts food on the table
A black hole walks into a bar
A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.
The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."
Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's? Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...
What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life? A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.
Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house.... .....and it was delicious
My brother didn't like jail
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces.
After that, we never played Monopoly again.
I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you... I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...
My mother used to always say "give your food a rinse before you eat it." Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.
Your mom so fat.. Her favorite jewellery is the food chain
On a first date last night my date asked, ‘So, what do you do?’ Frowning, I held up the menu and said ‘you just choose something from this book of food’
Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.
Son: Dad why is our food so cold and bland? Dad: It's because your mother put her heart and soul into it.
So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.
A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says, "We don't serve food here."
My friend told me the onion is the only food that makes you cry. I disagreed and threw a coconut at his face.
There was a man who claimed that, by putting mayonnaise on any food no matter how bland you could make it better. They decided to name it after him and call it Cole's Law.
I asked my girlfriend to buy me some Japanese food. ... sushi did.
Hitler walks into a restaurant...
Adolf walks in to a restaurant and states, "I'm hungry!"
The owner asks, "Well, what do you want to eat?"
Hitler replies with, "As long as it's *not-sea*food, I'm sure I'll love it!"
China has announced a tariff on pork imports from the US It's unclear if they are referring to food or tourists at this time.
A piece of ham walks into a bar. “We don’t serve food here”, says the bartender.
Cop spots a guy driving past with a South American plate. He's eating some kind of Mexican food and has no clothes on! He pulls him over and asks, "Where are you from? What are you eating? Aren't you cold?" "Chilly", he replies.
If it weren't for food stamps, I wouldn't have anything to eat. But man do they taste awful!
Hello Everyone, I need your blessings & wishes. I am starting my new venture.
It’s a startup food app that will help all of you reduce weight dramatically.
Basically it works as follows:
You order, I don't deliver!
What did Pikachu said when he tried food in Mexico? Pica, Pica.
Which U.S city loves Indian food the most... Baltimore
My friends and family hate me for constantly making food puns. and my wife told me that if I don’t stop she’ll divorce me. I said: sure, it’ll be a piece of cake.
What do midgets and poor people have in common? They both have trouble putting food on the table.
In Zimbabwe we always use 2 shopping carts One for the food, one for the money.
What do you call a chinese dog that is running? Fast food.
Do you know what the F in Ethiopia stands for? Food
I asked my wife to buy me Japanese food .. Sushi did
I went to a Lord of the Rings themed restaurant. The food was horribly authentic and the waitress was as uglier than an Orc, but I have to give her credit. There was a table of 12 and it only took her ... ...one bring to gruel them all.
I know this is a joke subreddit, but can we draw the line on joking about white people food? It’s incredibly tasteless
Do you know how cannibal calls athletes? Fast Food.
What can be said for Vietnamese soilders and takeout food? They never make it home
Watch out guys, there is a scam going around right now. It claims you can put garbage in the microwave and it comes out as edible food. They call it TV Dinner
What do you call a crazy song chorus about Chinese food? An Insane lo main refrain
I decided to open up a Mexican soul food restaurant. It's called Nacho Mama's!
Why getting Indian Food at a Gas Station is the best idea? If the food is too spicy, you'll also receive free gas.
I wanted Mexican food, but I was in a hurry So I ordered it ta-co
What do you call someone that delivers Indian food? A curry-er.
I was cooking Chinese food down in Yosemite ... It was a Wok in the park.
I saw a burger running in the street today. It's fast food.
So a ham walks into a bar
And immediately sits down at the bar and orders a sandwich
The bartender looks over and says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
Men that are great cooks tend to be good with the gals Food for thot
Today I took a pizza on the bus... The bus driver said outraged: "My bus isn't some kind of restaurant." I then told him: " That's exactly why I brought my own food."
I think I figured out why so many North Koreans are starving Not enough Seoul food.
Just ate some food coloring I dyed a little inside.
I ate some food coloring last week.. I went to the doctor, turns out everything is fine, but I still feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
My wife and I went to an Ethiopian restaurant for our anniversary. The food was great, but the service was terrible. We had to wait 30 minutes to have our water refilled. Granted, the waitress had to walk six miles.
My family told me to stop eating the leftover Thanksgiving food from the fridge. But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.
Adam and Eve must have lived in the soviet union. They had no clothes, no roof over their heads, the only food they had was an apple and the management was constantly telling them they were in paradise.
What food does United Airlines serve? Chinese take out.
How much food does a software engineer eat a day? A couple of bytes
Why do french people love eating snails? Because they hate fast food
What food is bad for epileptic people? Seizure salad
I accidentally swallowed a lot of food coloring this morning. I dyed a little inside.
I just had some mediocre chinese food ... it was Tso Tso
A man was arrested for dumping Chinese food on his neighbor's computer He was charged with wonton destruction of property
What is an AI's favorite food? RAM crackers
I had a specific order in my day today.
1. I woke up
2. I won the lottery
3. My wife fed me good food after she went for her daily 4 mile run
4. I retired early and got paid millions of dollars everyday
Wait, it was actually 2, 3, 4, 1...
I got Indian food with a friend and paid for all the bread It was a nan issue.
I don't know what made me feel more fat That my fast food weighed so much in my passenger seat that my car told be to put a seat belt on it or that I was so concerned with its safety that I actually did.
Why is taco salad Donald Trump's favorite Mexican food? It has a wall around it.
What is Jared Fogle's favorite item on the prison food menu? Cheese pizza
So I was eating some Middle Eastern food... ...but then my fala fell
If I ever get to name a food like 'Ceaser Salad' I'm going with 'Salad Later'
"I want salad later"
"I'll have the salad later"
"No one ever complains about the extra air in bags of salad later"
I don't know why Chic-Fil-A is so popular... Their food always leaves a fowl taste in my mouth.
A girl was telling me that she stays skinny by throwing up her food right after she eats. When I tried to explain the health risks she stubbornly asked, "what do you know?" I replied, "you're not gonna bulimia when I tell you."
What does a waiter say to a fat person when it takes a long time to bring out the fat person's food? Sorry about your weight
I'm opening up a pirate-themed restaurant.
It'll serve breakfast food and beer, and it will be run by the guy who plays Scotty in the new Star Trek movies.
It's called Simon Pegg's Eggs, Kegs & Peg Legs.
What is a cannibal's favorite food to eat when he is lazy? Ra-men
What was Sigmund Freud's favorite food? Freud Rice
Why don't I enjoy certain middle eastern food? Because it just makes me falafel.
What food guide does a Chicagoan need in Japan? A Ramen Manual.
Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.
I wish I was just like my nose And all it takes is spicy food to get me to run.
My Indian engineering teacher told us this today Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."
A hamburger and an order of french fries goes into a bar...... the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
A hamburger walks into a bar (don't know if repost) And the bartender says "sorry but we don't serve food here"!
They say breaking a sweat every day is one of the healthiest things you can do... good thing I eat a lot of Indian food.