Food Jokes

Contents

Funniest Food Jokes

My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.

Score: 19827

Two men are drinking in a bar They pull out the sandwiches their wives had lovingly prepared and tuck in.

The bartender comes over and says "you can't eat your own food in here"

So they swapped sandwiches.

Score: 15099

Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

Score: 15075
Funny Food Jokes
Score: 13232

An unpaid internship is nothing like actual slavery Slaves are given food and housing.

Score: 11196

What was Icarus’ least favorite food? Hot wings.

Score: 10757

If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose? "Gandhi."

Why him?

"More food for me."

Score: 10151

Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat? Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.

Score: 8653

What does the F in Ethiopia stand for? Food

Score: 6136

If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food. I could almost afford a small popcorn.

Score: 5705

My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away. Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.

Score: 2920

Food is like dark humor not every one gets it.

Score: 2717

They say never go food shopping when you're hungry but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier.

Score: 1935

I was forced to swallow purple food color. I feel violated.

Score: 1688

They say to never go shopping for food when you're hungry but it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.

Score: 1571

I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food? SEIZURE SALAD.

I peed

Score: 1475

My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats "That's nuts!" I exclaimed.

Edit: Wow! Who knew that by posting an original joke I'd get this many upvotes! That's nuts!

Score: 1437

What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake

Score: 1338

These times are harder on people with disabilities. My dwarf friend is struggling to put food on the table

Score: 1094

being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job but at least it puts food on the table

Score: 1045

A black hole walks into a bar A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.

The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."

Score: 1001

Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's? Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...

Score: 911

What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life? A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.

Score: 910

Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house.... .....and it was delicious

Score: 902

My brother didn't like jail My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

Score: 735

I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you... I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...

Score: 690

My mother used to always say "give your food a rinse before you eat it." Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.

Score: 639

Your mom so fat.. Her favorite jewellery is the food chain

Score: 635

On a first date last night my date asked, ‘So, what do you do?’ Frowning, I held up the menu and said ‘you just choose something from this book of food’

Score: 611

Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.

Score: 592

So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.

Score: 466

There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola: The directions say the medication must be taken with food.

Score: 241

I really hate my job as a waiter But it puts food on the table

Score: 124

Tried Turkish food today... It was revolting

Score: 121

A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says, "We don't serve food here."

Score: 113

What is Unidan's favorite fast food joint? Five Guys.

Score: 98

I swallowed some food coloring once I went to the doctor and he said I was fine, but I felt like I had dyed a little inside.

Score: 95

I told a Chinese guy that they always smell like Chinese food. He said "aw that's lo, mein."

Score: 52

I swallowed some food coloring earlier. I think I dyed a little inside.

Score: 44

Why do bacteria wait 5 seconds before touching food? They first need to skip an ad

Score: 34

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New Food Jokes

Hey, what was the name of that new vietnamese restaurant? - Pho King. Good food.

I know, but what was the place called?

Score: 5

The other day while scuba diving for seafood it dawned on me that everytime I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically seaching for a place to hide so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself, that's shellfish.

Score: 5

Winter is upon is, the poor will have to choose between food, heating Or getting a new tattoo.

Score: 3

What do the colors in the Italian flag stand for? Red: food

White: architecture

Green: music

Blue: a strong and courageous military

Yellow: competitive Formula 1 teams

Score: 5

I went to a middle school dance back in the day. It was kinda lame, looking back on it. The music was bad, they ran out of food, and there wasn’t even a punch line.

Score: 4

What do midgets and poor people have in common? They both have trouble putting food on the table.

Score: 4

Our local monastery has opened a fast food outlet. I went in and said to the guy "Hi, are you the deep fat friar?"

He said "No, I'm the chip monk."

Score: 3

I bought a can of tuna cat food, but there was catfish meat inside. I got catfish catfish cat fish.

Score: 3

Why’s billy in the hospital? “Well he said the only food that could make you cry was an onion..”

“And?”

“So, I threw a watermelon hat his head”

Score: 11

In Zimbabwe we always use 2 shopping carts One for the food, one for the money.

Score: 4

how many cockroach you find in your food disgusts you the most? half

Score: 3

A guy takes a girl out to dinner. She finishes her food and is still hungry. So he gives her his peas. After dinner, she gives him herpes.

Score: 5

Do you know what the F in Ethiopia stands for? Food

Score: 5

I asked my wife to buy me Japanese food .. Sushi did

Score: 4

I went to a Lord of the Rings themed restaurant. The food was horribly authentic and the waitress was as uglier than an Orc, but I have to give her credit. There was a table of 12 and it only took her ... ...one bring to gruel them all.

Score: 14

I was at a restaurant that serves traditional Spanish food. I was shocked to see that they serve clamari, and with the squid's ink! No one expects the Spanish ink cuisine!

Score: 3

Do you know how cannibal calls athletes? Fast Food.

Score: 3

When I eat a bunch of a foreign food my gas smells different, it's like farting in another language

Score: 4

A huge earthquake shook Mexico Around 3000 people died.
The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.
England gave medicine.
France sent food.
Germany made huge donations.
USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

Score: 14

Why getting Indian Food at a Gas Station is the best idea? If the food is too spicy, you'll also receive free gas.

Score: 3

I wanted Mexican food, but I was in a hurry So I ordered it ta-co

Score: 3

Today I gave a man on the street everything in my wallet, my food, my cigarettes and even the shoes on my feet It was the best feeling in the world seeing him put the gun away and walk off.

Score: 8

Today I took a pizza on the bus... The bus driver said outraged: "My bus isn't some kind of restaurant." I then told him: " That's exactly why I brought my own food."

Score: 4

I think I figured out why so many North Koreans are starving Not enough Seoul food.

Score: 7

I was ordering food for the cast of Black Panther. I asked if they liked pizza. They said, “It depends. Wakanda pizza?”

Score: 16

Just ate some food coloring I dyed a little inside.

Score: 4

I ate some food coloring last week.. I went to the doctor, turns out everything is fine, but I still feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

Score: 5

Roy Moore still hasn't conceded, which actually makes sense. How could anyone banned from mall food courts know anything about concessions?

Score: 12

What's a gangster's favorite food? Snitchel

Score: 5

Every time I go through a fast food window They hand me my food and say “sorry about the weight.” I know I could lose a few pounds but this is just rude.

Score: 33

My wife and I went to an Ethiopian restaurant for our anniversary. The food was great, but the service was terrible. We had to wait 30 minutes to have our water refilled. Granted, the waitress had to walk six miles.

Score: 3

My family told me to stop eating the leftover Thanksgiving food from the fridge. But sadly, I couldn't quit cold turkey.

Score: 17

Adam and Eve must have lived in the soviet union. They had no clothes, no roof over their heads, the only food they had was an apple and the management was constantly telling them they were in paradise.

Score: 3

Japan worked well for my weight loss. Can't even pick up my food.

Score: 3

What is a Russian's favorite Canadian food? Vladimir Poutine!

Score: 3

What food does United Airlines serve? Chinese take out.

Score: 6

Do you know any Indian food jokes? Because I know Naan

Score: 8

I accidentally swallowed some food coloring the other day. The doctor said I was fine but I feel like I've dyed a little on the inside.

Score: 27

How much food does a software engineer eat a day? A couple of bytes

Score: 4

I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?

Score: 6

What kind of food can't blind people eat? Seafood.

Score: 12

I accidentally swallowed a lot of food coloring this morning. I dyed a little inside.

Score: 14

A man was arrested for dumping Chinese food on his neighbor's computer He was charged with wonton destruction of property

Score: 3

What is an AI's favorite food? RAM crackers

Score: 5

how much is a life-time supply of fast food? Not much.

Score: 5

I wish restaurant food looked like the pictures on the menu.
A hostess asked me how everything was.
I said, "My compliments to the photographer."

Score: 4

I don't know what made me feel more fat That my fast food weighed so much in my passenger seat that my car told be to put a seat belt on it or that I was so concerned with its safety that I actually did.

Score: 6

What do you call a chinese food truck? A Wok in the Park

Score: 11

It's fun being a philosophy major I get to reflect on why I can't pay for food

Score: 12

What is Jared Fogle's favorite item on the prison food menu? Cheese pizza

Score: 3

What does a waiter say to a fat person when it takes a long time to bring out the fat person's food? Sorry about your weight

Score: 3

Did you know that food coloring is very bad for you? If you happen to drink too much you will dye.

Score: 5

I'm going to open a restaraunt called pantera bread It will be similar to panera bread, but the food we serve will be much heavier

Score: 30

Whats the difference between Ebola and food? Africans get Ebola

Score: 5

Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.

Score: 11

What does the Swiss defense have in common with their favorite food? They're both full of holes.

Score: 6

I wish I was just like my nose And all it takes is spicy food to get me to run.

Score: 2

My Indian engineering teacher told us this today Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

Score: 22

Eating Chinese food is like getting an organ transplant There's always a chance your body will reject it.

Score: 2

What do you call a food that turns black people on? An *afro*-disiac.

Score: 20

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