My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
Two men are drinking in a bar
They pull out the sandwiches their wives had lovingly prepared and tuck in.
The bartender comes over and says "you can't eat your own food in here"
So they swapped sandwiches.
Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market
An unpaid internship is nothing like actual slavery Slaves are given food and housing.
What was Icarus’ least favorite food? Hot wings.
If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose?
"More food for me."
Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat? Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.
What does the F in Ethiopia stand for? Food
If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food. I could almost afford a small popcorn.
My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away. Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.
Food is like dark humor not every one gets it.
They say never go food shopping when you're hungry but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier.
I was forced to swallow purple food color. I feel violated.
They say to never go shopping for food when you're hungry but it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.
I am so high and I made up a joke and I want to tell it and make someone laugh but no one is home so: Whats an epileptics favorite food?
My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats
"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.
Edit: Wow! Who knew that by posting an original joke I'd get this many upvotes! That's nuts!
What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake
These times are harder on people with disabilities. My dwarf friend is struggling to put food on the table
being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job but at least it puts food on the table
A black hole walks into a bar
A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.
The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."
Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's? Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...
What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life? A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.
Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house.... .....and it was delicious
My brother didn't like jail
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces.
After that, we never played Monopoly again.
I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you... I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...
My mother used to always say "give your food a rinse before you eat it." Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.
Your mom so fat.. Her favorite jewellery is the food chain
On a first date last night my date asked, ‘So, what do you do?’ Frowning, I held up the menu and said ‘you just choose something from this book of food’
Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.
So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.
Tried Turkish food today... It was revolting
A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender takes one look at him and says, "We don't serve food here."
My friend told me the onion is the only food that makes you cry. I disagreed and threw a coconut at his face.
My Indian engineering teacher told us this today Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."
What do you call a food that turns black people on? An *afro*-disiac.
I accidentally swallowed a lot of food coloring this morning. I dyed a little inside.
I went to a Lord of the Rings themed restaurant. The food was horribly authentic and the waitress was as uglier than an Orc, but I have to give her credit. There was a table of 12 and it only took her ... ...one bring to gruel them all.
It's fun being a philosophy major I get to reflect on why I can't pay for food
Facebook and basic cable Reading Facebook feels like I'm watching basic cable in a hotel: All I want is Comedy Central, but all I can find is the Food Network, workout infomercials and Fox News.
Winter is upon is, the poor will have to choose between food, heating Or getting a new tattoo.
What's Hailie's favorite food? Mom's spaghetti.
I went to a middle school dance back in the day. It was kinda lame, looking back on it. The music was bad, they ran out of food, and there wasn’t even a punch line.
What do midgets and poor people have in common? They both have trouble putting food on the table.
I bought a can of tuna cat food, but there was catfish meat inside. I got catfish catfish cat fish.
In Zimbabwe we always use 2 shopping carts One for the food, one for the money.
A guy takes a girl out to dinner. She finishes her food and is still hungry. So he gives her his peas. After dinner, she gives him herpes.
Do you know what the F in Ethiopia stands for? Food
I asked my wife to buy me Japanese food .. Sushi did
I was at a restaurant that serves traditional Spanish food. I was shocked to see that they serve clamari, and with the squid's ink! No one expects the Spanish ink cuisine!
Do you know how cannibal calls athletes? Fast Food.
My dog got into my leftover Chinese food It’s a dog eat dog world out there
When I eat a bunch of a foreign food my gas smells different, it's like farting in another language
Why getting Indian Food at a Gas Station is the best idea? If the food is too spicy, you'll also receive free gas.
I always wondered why I don't see any food pictures on Instagram from third world country children Then it hit me, silly me they probably can't afford cellphones
I wanted Mexican food, but I was in a hurry So I ordered it ta-co
As a kid growing up in the Vietnam I could always tell how well the economy was by what type of dog food my parents bought. Chihuahua when it was bad, Black lab when it was good.
My girlfriend told me I should start eating healthy food... So when I went to McDonalds for lunch, I decided: 2 BLT.
What is a Native American's favorite food and travel show? No Reservations
I've got a joke about communism but it's not for everyone Food.
Today I took a pizza on the bus... The bus driver said outraged: "My bus isn't some kind of restaurant." I then told him: " That's exactly why I brought my own food."
I think I figured out why so many North Koreans are starving Not enough Seoul food.
What did the bartender say to the ham sandwich? Sorry, we don’t serve food here.
I love my neighbor's asian food She pays me to walk him, and he's so fluffy and adorable
What does a Muslim add to spice up his food? A halal-peño.
Just ate some food coloring I dyed a little inside.
I ate some food coloring last week.. I went to the doctor, turns out everything is fine, but I still feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
We have to buy our basic human rights Food, water, the internet...
Where does a pirate love to eat fast food?
(I work at arbys and every single time I say it customers ALWAYS laugh C: )
What's a gangster's least favorite food? Snitchel.
What's a gangster's favorite food? Snitchel
My wife and I went to an Ethiopian restaurant for our anniversary. The food was great, but the service was terrible. We had to wait 30 minutes to have our water refilled. Granted, the waitress had to walk six miles.
Adam and Eve must have lived in the soviet union. They had no clothes, no roof over their heads, the only food they had was an apple and the management was constantly telling them they were in paradise.
The Indian Spy training University is very effective Even the food has spice in it..
What food does United Airlines serve? Chinese take out.
How much food does a software engineer eat a day? A couple of bytes
I just had dessert after my Chinese food, but there was no paper in my cookie. That's unfortunate.
I feel sorry for those who are unable to afford food and drink this season. You know it's bad when Mariah Carey can't even afford juice. She is so hard pressed that she even made a song about it. You know, all she wants for Christmas is juice.
Why do french people love eating snails? Because they hate fast food
What food is bad for epileptic people? Seizure salad
I just had some mediocre chinese food ... it was Tso Tso
A man was arrested for dumping Chinese food on his neighbor's computer He was charged with wonton destruction of property
What is an AI's favorite food? RAM crackers
how much is a life-time supply of fast food? Not much.
I had a specific order in my day today.
1. I woke up
2. I won the lottery
3. My wife fed me good food after she went for her daily 4 mile run
4. I retired early and got paid millions of dollars everyday
Wait, it was actually 2, 3, 4, 1...
I wish restaurant food
looked like the pictures on the menu.
A hostess asked me how everything was.
I said, "My compliments to the photographer."
I don't know what made me feel more fat That my fast food weighed so much in my passenger seat that my car told be to put a seat belt on it or that I was so concerned with its safety that I actually did.
What do you call a chinese food truck? A Wok in the Park
My girlfriend is a lot like fast food I only come inside about once a year
Why is taco salad Donald Trump's favorite Mexican food? It has a wall around it.
What is Jared Fogle's favorite item on the prison food menu? Cheese pizza
If I ever get to name a food like 'Ceaser Salad' I'm going with 'Salad Later'
"I want salad later"
"I'll have the salad later"
"No one ever complains about the extra air in bags of salad later"
A girl was telling me that she stays skinny by throwing up her food right after she eats. When I tried to explain the health risks she stubbornly asked, "what do you know?" I replied, "you're not gonna bulimia when I tell you."
What does a waiter say to a fat person when it takes a long time to bring out the fat person's food? Sorry about your weight
Did you know that food coloring is very bad for you? If you happen to drink too much you will dye.
What was Sigmund Freud's favorite food? Freud Rice
Why did the man vomit after eating Middle Eastern food? It made his stomach falafel.
Whats the difference between Ebola and food? Africans get Ebola
I wish I was just like my nose And all it takes is spicy food to get me to run.
Eating Chinese food is like getting an organ transplant There's always a chance your body will reject it.