Contents
Funniest Jokes
New Jokes
Funniest Food Jokes
My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
Two men are drinking in a bar
They pull out the sandwiches their wives had lovingly prepared and tuck in.
The bartender comes over and says "you can't eat your own food in here"
So they swapped sandwiches.
Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market
An unpaid internship is nothing like actual slavery Slaves are given food and housing.
If you could have dinner with any historical figure, who would you choose?
"Gandhi."
Why him?
"More food for me."
The supermarket cashier asked if I wanted to donate food to Africa to help solve world hunger. I said, "no thanks. World hunger will be solved a lot faster if we stop feeding them."
My Mum used to feed my brother and I by saying 'Here comes the train', and we always ate the food straight away. Otherwise she wouldn't untie us from the tracks.
Food is like dark humor not every one gets it.
What’s the difference between this joke and a nudist soaked in food coloring? One is nude in dye and the other died in new.
They say never go food shopping when you're hungry but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier.
I was forced to swallow purple food color. I feel violated.
They say to never go shopping for food when you're hungry but it's been a week already and I keep getting hungrier and hungrier.
My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats
"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.
Edit: Wow! Who knew that by posting an original joke I'd get this many upvotes! That's nuts!
What food makes women stop giving blow jobs? Wedding cake
being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job but at least it puts food on the table
A black hole walks into a bar
A black hole walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender asks if it would like food with that.
The black hole says, "No thanks, I'm a light eater."
What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life? A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.
Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house.... .....and it was delicious
My brother didn't like jail
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces.
After that, we never played Monopoly again.
I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you... I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...
My mother used to always say "give your food a rinse before you eat it." Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.
Your mom so fat.. Her favorite jewellery is the food chain
Why do midgets make bad parents? Cause they struggle to put food on the table
A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says,"Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Son: Dad why is our food so cold and bland? Dad: It's because your mother put her heart and soul into it.
Using Tinder when you're horny is like going food shopping when you're hungry. Both lead to unintended obesity.
So I decided to build a Restaurant on the moon The food is great and all but there's no atmosphere.
The kids asked what was for dinner and I told them "Scraps". They started crying. Spoiled brats, it's really hard to get food at the moment thanks to the panic buying. And it was a stupid name for a dog anyway.
What’s the difference between America and Ethiopia There’s Ethiopian food in America
Have you guys heard about the new restaurant on the moon? Early critics say the food is good, but there's no atmosphere.
I swallowed some food coloring. My doctor says I'm OK But I feel like I've dyed a little inside
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
Thank God we don't need to hunt for food anymore I mean, I have no idea where pizzas live in the wild
Apparently there’s a beef shortage on the rise. Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn’t be affected.
When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon and say, "There's a train coming. There's a train coming." We'd always eat it because we knew that if we didn't she wouldn't untie us from the railway line.
One day, Obi-Wan and Luke visit a Chinese restaurant...
Obi-Wan is eating normally, but Luke is having so much trouble with the chopsticks he's spilling the food all over the table.
Eventually, Obi-Wan becomes angry and says, "Use the forks, Luke!"
I like how the girl that called me a “loser” in high school is now blowing up my phone She sends me things like “what are your plans for dinner” and “Your dad and I are going out for dinner there’s food in the fridge”
There is one thing that United got right: their food is just great. I hear they even serve a Chinese take-out now.
My friend told me that onions are the only food that makes you cry So I broke his nose with a coconut.
Why do Vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat? Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don't like where real meat comes from.