Star Wars Jokes

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Funniest Star Wars Jokes

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons. If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3? In charge if the sequence, Yoda was.

Funny Star Wars Jokes

Why were the star wars movies released 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8 In charge of planning Yoda was

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars puns... Then you’re looking in Alderaan places

Why did they release Star Wars episodes 4, 5 & 6 before episodes 1, 2 & 3? In charge of the schedule Yoda was.

My friend asked me if the new Star Wars was in 3D... ... and I said, yes, but they R2D2.

The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through (spoilers) Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said "Can I have a word?"

Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? Because in charge of sequence, Yoda was.

What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray? HDMI

Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie? It's a perfect 5/7.

Why were Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, and 6 released before 1, 2, and 3? Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.

Why did Star Wars 4,5 and 6 come before 1,2 and 3? Because in charge of the schedule Yoda was

Peter Mayhew will be reprising his role as Chewbacca in the next Star Wars movie! They said they wanted to cast the role to a veteran rather than a wookiee.

Star wars joke Han solo: Yoda are we going the right way?
Yoda: Off course we are

Why were the Star Wars movies made in the order 4,5,6,1,2,3? In charge of production, Yoda was.

Did you hear that Disney+ is making a crossover between Star Wars and Back to the Future where the time machine is half car and half person? It’s called the Man-DeLorean.

Star Wars Episode 7-9 Titles Revealed Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Force Sleeps For Five More Minutes

Star Wars Episode IX: The Force Is Late For Work

Black Friday sale on Star Wars Battlefront 2 Save up to $2160 by not buying it

How did Mace die in Star Wars? Through the Windu

Why did Star Wars episode 4,5,6 came before 1,2,3? Because in charge of planning, Yoda was.

My Son, Luke, Loves How I Name My Kids After Star Wars Characters My daughter, Chewbacca, not so much

My girlfriend asked me if the new Star Wars was in 3D.. and I said, yes, but they R2-D2.

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3, 7? Because in charge of sequence, Yoda was.

Star Wars joke. Han: Are we in the right path?
Yoda: Offcourse, we are.

My son Luke loves that we chose Star Wars characters as inspiration when naming my kids. However, his sister Chewbacca and his brother Boba Fett are less amused.

My wife and I decided to see a therapist because our marriage was falling apart. Therapist: So, what seems to be the problem?


Wife: I can't take it anymore. I can't live with him making Star Wars puns all the time.


Me: Divorce is strong with this one.

So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favourite Star Wars character You should've seen the Luke on her face.

Why did Star Wars episodes 4,5,6 come before 1,2,3? Because in charge of planning, yoda was.

Marriage Counseling Therapist: So you're considering ending the marriage?

Wife: I am sick of all the Star Wars puns.

Husband: Divorce is strong with this one.

Why were the star wars movies made 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2 , 3? Because in charge of production, Yoda was.

Q: Why did Star Wars episodes 4,5, and 6 come before 1,2, and 3? A: Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

I was watching Star Wars with my son and he asked me why Luke had climbed into a Tauntaun. I replied, “because it was warm.” He turned to me and asked, “how warm?”
I looked at him excitedly and said, “Luke warm.”

I took my Wife to a marriage counsellor She said she was sick of my Star Wars jokes.
I told the counsellor
Divorce is strong with this one.

Why did Star Wars episodes 4, 5, and 6 come out before 1, 2, and 3? In charge of the release dates, Yoda was.

[Star Wars spoiler] What did Han.... Tell Leia after they separated?

-----


*May Divorce be with you.*

Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3? Because in charge of direction, Yoda was.

In the original Star Wars Peter Mayhew once had to redo a scene because he missed his cue. It was a Wookiee mistake

RIP Peter.

When I was learning to drive, my driving instructor told me that I should wear a seatbelt because if I were to crash, the force could throw me out of the car. I can’t believe that the fool thinks Star Wars is real.

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New Star Wars Jokes

I couldn’t get the new Star Wars movie to work on my TV It didn’t have its Adam Driver’s license.

What do climate change and Star Wars have in common? Warm warm warm

Who played Annakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels? Emperor Palpatine

Why were the Star Wars movies released in the order 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? Yoda was in charge of scheduling.

Fun.Da.Mentalist. An extremist Star Wars fanatic walked into the centre of a large crowd at a Star Trek convention, shouted "Admiral Ackbar!" at the top of his voice and activated the thermal detonator that he held in his hand.

Yotto, .... Yotto.

What do you get when you cross Shakespeare and Star Wars? R2D or not 2D2

What’s a Star Wars fan’s favourite drink Qui Gon Gin

Why were Star Wars 4,5,6 set before 1,2,3 ? In charge of scheduling, Yoda was put!

My siblings and I were watching Star Wars for the first time yesterday. We got to the part where Luke's hand got cut off.

My little brother commented: "Guess he's Han Solo now."

Since its may the 4th, I decided to watch the classic Star Wars trilogy with my girlfriend. First time she ever saw Chewbacca, and she thought he was an Ewok... ... ...

Classic wookie mistake.

(Oldie, but never gets olde)

Oh, sure everyone loves Star Wars on May 4th... Until you tell your nephew you’re his father!

My brother's still single on star wars day. Apparently he's been looking for love in Alderaan places.

What do you call an invisible Star Wars droid? C-thru-PO

What did the Star Wars fan with a lisp say? May the Fourth be with you.

Quarantined Star Wars troopers be like "I miss people" First off all, you always miss.

My son Luke loves that we have named our children after Star Wars characters My daughter Chewbacca not so much

The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"

What do you call a fight between film actors? Star wars!

Why did star wars 4-6 come before 1-3 Because in charge of planning, Yoda was

My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. Our daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

Why are there so many annoying characters in the Star Wars series? George Lucas left the door ajar jar.

why aren't star wars jokes popular? .

.

.

.

they are usually quite *forced*

(just like this one)

how do you make a creative Star Wars joke? you have to think outside of the jarjar

Why does Star Wars have a classical music score? Because the Empire likes Bach!

What does your Canadian friend cooking dinner for you have in common with the Empire from Star Wars? Pal-poutine

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Sorry, I'll get my coat.

If XXXTenatacion was in Star Wars who would he be Jah Jah Binks

My friend’s son Luke loves that his parents chose Star Wars characters as inspiration when naming their kids.

However, his sister Chewbacca is less amused..

What are Star Wars clone troopers muscles built of? Kamino acids.

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t enjoy Star Wars references... Well then you are lost

I'll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed "I am your Father"

Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end.

People are talking about Britain leaving the EU. And I'm like: "Wait, when was Britain part of Star Wars?"

Who is the chattiest Star Wars character? Jabber The Hutt

My wife said I talk about Star Wars too much, and wants to end out relationship. “May divorce be with you” I replied.

If I were a Star Wars droid.... I would be called 80-HD

Fozzy Bear was in Star Wars He was an Ewokka-wokka

Disney was truly progressive and brave when choosing Rey as the new face of star wars. I can't even remember the last time I saw a kleptomaniacal hero

How do you call a Star Wars movie about Luke’s journey to solving his erectile problems? The Rise of Skywalker.

What’s the most popular Star Wars action figure in Japan? Toy-Yoda.

My son's Star Wars joke. What do you give to a stinky Jedi?

De-Yoda-rant

The old star wars movies were so good even the stormtroopers miss them.

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Long Star Wars Jokes

Best explanation of Star Wars

The story of an orphaned boy who becomes radicalised after a military strike kills his family. He is indoctrinated into an ancient religion, joins a band of rebel insurgents, and carries out a terrorist attack which kills 300'000 people.

"That is him." I said to my wife in the shopping centre.

"That's Kenny Baker, the actor who played R2D2 in Star Wars."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "It doesn't look like him, go on over and ask."

A couple of minutes later I walked back over to her. "Well, what did he say?"

"Nothing." I said. "It's a rubbish bin."

Jimmy and Timmy

Jimmy and Timmy go shopping with their mother. First they stop at Toys'R'Us.
Jimmy begins running around the store going:
"Mommy! I want that action figure! I want those cars! I want that game!"
Mother replies "Of course dear, whatever you want."
Timmy says "Oh Mom! Can I get that toy dog?"
"No, son. Not today." Mother replies.

The next stop is the candy store.
Jimmy runs around screaming "MOM! I want that jawbreaker! I want those chocolates! I want this! I want that!"
"Of course dear, whatever you want."
Timmy says "Mom...could I have a piece of gum?"
"No, Timmy! ask for anything else and you are grounded!"

The final stop is the furniture store.
Jimmy runs around, jumping on the beds saying "MOM! I want this bed, and those Star Wars pillows! I want that lamp!"
"Of course dear, whatever you want."
Timmy tugs on his mother's shirt. "Mom...it...it's really cold in my room...could I maybe have a blanket?"
"TIMMY! THAT IS IT! You are grounded!"

On the way home, Jimmy looks back at Timmy, who is crying softly in the back seat.
"Aww, look at the little crybaby. Mommy loves me best. She hates you."

Timmy looks up with big tears in his eyes and says, "Oh yeah...well at least I don't have cancer."

Lie Detector Test

A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.

Dad: Son, where were you at school hours?

Son: At school. The robot slaps the son.

Son: Okay I was watching Star Wars! The robot slaps his son again.

Son: Fine, I was watching violent movies!

Dad: What?! When I was your age I never watched those kinds of movies! The robot slaps the dad.

Mom: Haha, after all, he is your son. The robot slaps the mom.

Two Star Wars super-fanboys who hated The Last Jedi die and are at the gates of heaven

St Peter is there and tells them that before entering the afterlife, they may ask God himself one single question that He will answer truthfully for them.

"All the secrets of the Universe, past present and future are all available to you. Ask, and He will answer."

They whisper with each other and decide on a question to ask.

The first guy steps forward and says

"Did Mark Hamill actually like The Last Jedi or did Disney force him to say nice things about the movie despite him knowing it's the worst movie ever and ruined Luke?"

God replies

"Mark Hamill originally had some conflicting thoughts when he first read The Last Jedi script, but by the time he had finished the movie came around and realized that Rian Johnson's vision for Luke's character was much better than any idea he himself had and he is now very pleased with how the character developed. Disney never forced him to say anything. He was never even pressured or talked to. Mark's biggest disappointment was that fans took his words out of context to push a narrative of hate for a movie he worked hard to make and is very proud of."

The two guys look at each other in shock. The second guy whispers to the first guy.

"You know what this means?"

"Yup..."

"Disney's influence goes even higher than we ever thought!"

A guy had his car stolen

In the morning, he went to report the incident, then continued to his work. He came back at night to find the car parked in his driveway, with a note: "Sorry i had to borrow your car because my wife was in labor and i had to use it to take her to emergency. Please accept my sincerest apologies and, as a thank you, these enclosed tickets for you and your whole family to attend tonight's Premiere of the new Star Wars film." The man was relieved to find his car returned unscathed, and to celebrate, he took his family to the Premiere. He came back at night to find that his house was broken into and all of his wife's jewelry were stolen. The robber left a note that said "how was the movie?".

In the vein of today's Star Wars announcement, a topical joke

In a deleted scene from Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke: "Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"

Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously: "How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"

Darth Vader: "Because I've felt your presents..."

Bill Gates wanted to make a new friend.

He logged into his computer and found some strangers who seemed nice, so he sent them some funny pictures and told him a little about himself. For days, his posts went nowhere. He was never getting any responses, so he decided to send some videos instead, thinking people just didn't believe it was him.

Again the videos were never responded to, so he thought "maybe the videos are too long, and the pictures are too short, so I'll make a picture that loops the same 3-5 seconds over and over". A few days went by, and finally he got a response. Bill Gates was so happy, he responded immediately, saying he was glad to have a friend, and they should hang out, grab a beer, watch Star Wars. Whatever. The new friend, who was still unsure if it was the actual Bill Gates just said:

"No thank you, I do not trust geeks bearing gifs"

A man goes to the pet store...

And walks up to the shopkeep.

"I'd like to buy a dog please," the man said.

"Certainly sir, I think I have one you might like," replied the shopkeep.

The shopkeep then leads the man through to a room separate from the rest of the shop, that's completely empty except for a dog sitting on a dog's bed.

"Hmm, nice looking dog there," the man says.

"Thanks mate, I always appreciate a compliment," says the dog.

The man steps back in amazement.

"A talking dog, that's incredible! What are you doing here?"

"Well," the dog says, "I'm trying to keep a low profile. You see, I've been around a long time, and I've seen some things. I used to work for the CIA; best spy they ever had. As soon as they knew I could talk they sent me all over the world listening in to top secret conversations so I could report back to them and save the world. It's because of me the Berlin Wall's down."

"That's amazing!" Says the man. "But how did you end up here?"

"Ever since I was fired from the CIA for being too heroic, I've just been wandering around, telling stories to those who'd listen. I even told an old friend of mine an idea I had for a film once. A few years later that became Star Wars. But now, after a life of pure excitement and extreme living, I just want to settle down peacefully, so here I am."

The man is completely awestruck by all of this. "I'll be back in just a minute."

The man then walks back to the shopkeep.

"I'd like to buy that dog, please."

"Certainly, sir. That'll be ten dollars," the shopkeep says.

"Ten dollars?! Why? He's a talking dog!"

"Yeah, I know," replied the shopkeep, "but he's such a liar!"

There's a group of people who say they for years they've adored these three sunflowers growing together...

...and then three sunflowers which looked the same and just as beautiful were planted next to them but did not grow very tall. Purely because of this, the people insisted and raged that the new sunflowers were an abomination that totally destroyed the beauty and awe of the three tall sunflowers permanently. Three more sunflowers were then planted to see if they could make more tall ones but again despite their charming smells and colorful petals their height remained lower. The people reacted the same way, these new sunflowers undermined the tall ones and scarred them forever.

You just read the story of Star Wars fans.

A Star Wars fanatic leaves his job as a Head Chef to join isis.

Having recently found islam he makes his mind up. After sometime safely gets out of the country and joins with his cell in the caliphate.

They ask what made him join.

"my love of god"

What can he offer

"exquisite food"

What did he bring besides the necessities?

"the complete star wars on dvd"

Through training he cooks food on the side. Italian being his favorite food he does penne alla vodka and ziti alla arrabiatta many nights.
in down time he shares the films with his cell. pointing out significant moments in the franchise.

They spend 5 times a day in prayer, praising how god is great.

Then finally came when he would be called upon to fulfill his role. A bomb strapped to his chest, the mission would be a military check point. Dressed as a civilian he would get close and unleash havoc.

His squad mates and now his friends cheer him on and say their goodbyes.

"my friends before i leave this world i will have proclaimed my love for god, cooking and star wars all at once... may the force be with you"

He approaches the checkpoint and is asked for papers. he opens his jacket to the surprise of the officer. He tries to radio that "its a trap-"

"ALLA ACKBAR"

In Star Wars Legends, Rey discovers an unusual force ability...

...this allows her to turn as dark as the night like a shadow and even become the shadows of others, useful for creeping up on enemies. The First Order Stormtroopers spoke about this amazing power having heard about it from a commanding officer Rey fought with the force. "Sir was spun around and knocked out by the shadowy Jedi, but he was able to figure out how she used this shadow move!" said one trooper to the others. "It came with a major side effect that left her weakened and able for interrogation!" another continued. "Dehydration!" he exclaimed. "Force shadowing, being such a great power, causes the user to become weakened like they would if they were dehydrated." Another trooper then announces "Sir informed me that Master Kylo Ren for his service to the First Order will be awarded with lessons on how to use this move."

Fans of Star Wars Legends debated about whether this was a good idea for a new force power. Sure it was cool being able to blend in and hijack a shadow, but some aspects of it just felt out of place. One fan after reading it could only say in confusion: "Thirst? Award from our spun Sir? Reyed Shadow Legends?"

So I wanted to buy my first car

And since my friend is a car expert, I looked to him. I wanted a Toyata, since my dad owned one, and he said he knew the kind I wanted. He drove me to a giant department store, the type that sells everything, and led me inside. We walked for a long while, then I realised we had passed the car sale section. I told my friend this and he said he knew what he was doing. As we entered the toy department he walked to Star Wars toys and picked one out, he then gave it to me. I asked him what it was and he said 'It's a toy Yoda'.

Only for Star Wars fans.

Local loser Kenneth Auby just lost a bet on horse A in a two horse race. He was hoping not to see his friend Mike, who lent him a large sum of bet money. But he bumps into him on the street.
Mike: "So who won ? A or B."
In a panic, Kenneth tries the jedi mind trick which he saw in Star Wars and waves his hand; "There was never any race. You did not lend me any money. I was never here. You were never here."
Mike replies: "Oh, B won Ken Auby".

Strange, I thought R2 was dome-shaped for the most part.

I love drawing anything Star Wars, although I'm not the best artist...

I've drawn Anakin frequently, but every time he comes out looking... well, flat.

Darth Vader has been a bit better, but Anakin's droids commonly R2D2.

At the dinner table, mother shows the new lie detector she bought.

Mother: "Look, this device buzzes whenever it senses a lie"

Father: "Wow! Lets see! Hey son, what did you do today?"

Son: "Uhmm, I went to school."

*BUZZ*

Mother: "Ooh, you didn't go to class? Then what did you do?"

Son: "Alright, I watched a movie with a few friends"

Father: "Which movie?"

Son: "That new Star Wars movie"

*BUZZ*

Son (blushing): "Alright, we watched a -- well, a you-know-what movie...

Father: "Well well well son, this is very immature! At your age I didn't even know what that was!

*BUZZ*

Mother: "Haha, really a child of yours!"

*BUZZ*

We should have known just how bad it was from the Trailers alone...

Low Rotten Tomatoes score,

an overly convoluted plot,

over reliance on the source material to elicit feelings of nostalgia,

awkward humor that was just not endearing at all,

aged actors that clearly didn’t want to be there for anything other than a nice paycheck,

and CGI that was just disturbingly awful.

I really hated Cats, but looking forward to finally watching Star Wars with my family.

Math Trick to Reveal your All-time Favorite Movie

I love math tricks. This one really works and will only take you about ten-seconds!


Amazingly it really works to reveal your all-time favorite movie.


I'm pretty good at math so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities.


Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite movie EVER!


DO NOT cheat. DO YOUR math, THEN compare the results to the list of movies at the bottom


1. Pick a number from 1-9.


2. Multiply that number by 3.


3. Add 3.


4. Multiply by 3 again.


5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below:





Movie List:

1. Gone With the Wind

2. E.T.

3. Blazing Saddles

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump

6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

7. Jaws

8. Grease

9. The Obama Farewell Speech

10. Casablanca

11. Jurassic Park

12. Shrek

13. Pirates of the Caribbean

14. Titanic

15. Raiders of the Lost Ark

16. Home Alone

17. Mrs. Doubtfire

My wife and I have been fighting for 5 years

We are both huge Star Wars fans, but Star Wars alone cannot save a marriage.

I finally got the courage to tell her I didn't think we were right for each other.

Wife - "OK"

Me - "OK? OK???!!! After five years that's all you have to say???"

Wife - "May diforce be with you."

I interviewed a member of the LucasFilm story group

The first thing I asked him was “What did you do before you worked here?”

He replied, “Before I helped with The Force Awakens, I was a notable mathematician.”

Naturally, my next question was “How did you end up in the story group, then?”

“I always loved Star Wars. The Empire Strikes Back has been my favorite movie since I first watched it as a kid!” he answered.

Finally, I asked, “So how did the story group come up with the name for the new villains: the First Order?”

He smiled and said “Because it was a little derivative.”

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