Airplane Jokes

Contents

Funniest Airplane Jokes

WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!! WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!?

LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!!

WHEN DO WE WANT ‘EM?!?!?

*NEEEEEYYYYOOOOOOOOWWWW*

Edit: Wow, this really took off.

Just asked Siri. "Surely it's not going to rain today?"

She said "it will, and don't call me Shirley"

...Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode.

The sky above looked ominous, so I asked Siri, "Surely, it's not going to rain again today?!" It replied, "It is and don't call me Shirley!"

Guess I forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode…

Funny Airplane Jokes

My phone fell from the 20th floor, good thing it was in airplane mode.

What do we want? Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want them?

NNEEEEOOOOWWWWW

What sound does an airplane make when it bounces off the ground? Boeing.

“What do we want?!” “Low flying airplane noises!”

“When do we want em?”

“NEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWW”

What do we want?! Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want them?!

NNNNEEEOOOOOWWWWWWW

WHAT DO WE WANT?! Low flying airplane noises! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?! Neeeeeeeeeeeooowwwwwwwwwww.

Storm Ciara I just asked Siri "surely it's still not going to be stormy tomorrow?"

Siri replied, "yes it will be and don't call me Shirley"

Realised my phone was in Airplane mode

What do we want?? LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!! When do we want them?? NNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW

How do you blow up a Muslim's iPhone? Put it into airplane mode.

A passenger, in panic, asked if the airplane was going the right way To which Yoda responded, “off course, we are.”

What do we want?! LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES! When do want them?!
NNNNNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWW!!!

I asked Siri " surely it isn't going to rain tomorrow" and he replied " yes it is, and don't call me Shirley"...turns out I left airplane mode on

How do you blow up a Muslim's phone? Put it on airplane mode.

An airplane yells at his rebellious son... .. "Watch that altitude, young man"

WHAT DO WE WANT?! LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?!


**NEEEEYOOOOOOOOW**

Two blondes are having a conversation... Do you know that the black box of an airplane is actually orange!

The other respond:

OMG! So, it's not a box?!?

What do we want? Low flying airplane noises! When do we want it? Nnnneeeeeeoooooooowwwew

I asked Siri a question and she said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I must have left the phone in Airplane mode.

What do we want? Airplane sounds! When do we want them? Neeeeaaaowwww!

I just asked Siri "Surely it's not going to rain today?". Siri replied "It is, and don't call me Shirley." I forgot to take my phone off airplane mode

Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right But two Wrights make an airplane

Just asked Siri 'surely the weather is not going to be this miserable again tomorrow?' Siri replied, 'yes it will be and don't call me Shirley'

Forgot to take my phone off Airplane mode

An old lady next to me on the airplane was scared by me being a muslim I laughed so hard my grenades almost fell out of my pocket.

What sound does a rubber airplane make? Boeing

I just picked up the Germanwings iPhone app... When I switched on airplane mode, it locked me out of the phone and then crashed.

What do you call a Muslim Flying an airplane A pilot

What do you call an airplane that flies backwards? a receeding airline.... bada boom! The little bros joke book is pure gold haha

I Thought Opening A Door For A Lady Was The Polite Thing To Do But She Just Screamed And Flew Out Of The Airplane

What do we want... Low flying airplane noise

When do we want them

NNNnnEEeeoooooooowwwWWW

A Malaysian man buys a new phone... He puts it on airplane mode. Now he cant seem to find it anywhere.

Asked my iPhone, “Surely I don’t need an umbrella today?”. Siri replied “Yes, and don’t call me Shirley”. Turns out I left Airplane mode on.

I wasn't allowed to bring my board game onto the airplane They told me the risk was too big.

You scream in a Library and everyone looks at you funny. But you scream in an airplane and everyone joins in.

What do an airplane and a girl have in common? A cockpit

An unfortunate business idea I once started a restaurant inside an airplane that was no longer functional. Sadly, it never took off.

What do we want?! Low flying airplane noises! When do we want them?! Neeeoowwwwww

Popular Topics

New Airplane Jokes

What's the difference between an airplane and a baby? An airplane goes from city to city a baby goes from tiddy to tiddy.

Did you hear about the airplane that crashed into a graveyard? They found no survivors but recovered 6000 bodies.

Teacher arrested on airplane after bag was searched A protractor, a ruler, a calculator, and a book of graph paper. He was charged with possessing implements of math instruction

What sound does an airplane make when it hits the ground? Boeing!

What sound does an airplane make in a bouncy castle? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing

Well... airplane mode is pretty useless now *segways into amateur joke set*

A little girl opened a window on an airplane She really had her head in the clouds for a moment.

What do we want? Low flying airplane noises

When do we want them?

NEEEEOOOooooooooowwwww

A concerned airplane passenger asked me if I heard about bird strikes. I honestly didn’t think they could carry signs.

What sound did the 777 airplane make when it started bouncing up and down? Boeing boeing boeing

What's the deal with airplane drugs? They make you too high

A vulture boards an airplane carrying a dead raccoon The TSA inspector tells him, you can't bring a dead on the plane.

The vulture replies "they said I could have one carrion"

A kid comes home from school with a small trophy Kid: Dad! Dad! I won the Airplane award today at school!

Dad: oh yeah? What’s that?

Kid: Is a building with a lot of kids in it, but that’s not important right now.

Everyone knows 2 wrongs don't make a right, but what does 2 rights make? An airplane

I tried to make an airplane joke once I didn’t really takeoff

Everyone has their own way of remembering To celebrate 9/11, I like to set my phone to airplane mode and throw it at a building.

WHAT DO WE WANT??? LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!

WHEN DO WE WANT THEM???

NEEEEEOOOOOWWW

What do we want? Airplane noises! When do we want them? Neeeeeooooooooooowwwwwwww!

TIL The brothers credited for inventing the airplane had Chinese parents... Turns out two Wongs can make a Wright.

I have a really good airplane joke I want to share But I think it might go over your head

What do airplane builders say about their job? It's riveting

Wanna hear an airplane joke? Nevermind, it'll probably go over your head.

What sound was made when the airplane hit the trampoline? Boeing

My priest performed a baptism on an airplane It was a blessing in da skies

Then there was the woman that accidentally backed into an airplane propeller. When asked about her injuries, her doctor just shook his head and said.... Dis-assed her...

My son asked me if being an airplane pilot makes me happy. It has its ups and downs.

What sound does a 747 airplane make when it bounces? Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

I tried to board an airplane recently Turns out they get nervous when your carry-on is a parachute

Me in airport: What do we want?? People: AIRPLANE NOISES!
Me: When do we want them???
People: NYOW

What do you call an airplane that flies backwards? A receding airline

I've always wondered about the inspiration for the band name Jefferson Airplane but I think we all know it's a historical reference by now.

Why is the airplane manufacturing company called "Boeing?" Because when planes land they go " boing , boing"

Why did the airplane hang itself? Coz it noose dived.

What is wrong with modern society So I opened a door for a guy and you would expect at least a thank you, but he just goes shooting out of the airplane instead.

How did a phone survived 500m fall? It was on airplane mode.

Siri annoyed me all morning. She kept calling me Shirley. Then I remembered I left my phone on airplane mode.

Y'know I have been trying to make this complicated airplane joke But I think it'll just go over your head.

A felt seasick on the airplane today And it sure didnt help that there are tons of people screaming for lifejackets and rafts.

You wanna know why the airplane pilot hates his job Because it is Boeing.

Have you heard the joke about the airplane Never mind it would probably go over everyone's heads.

Popular Topics

Long Airplane Jokes

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding

He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”


“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane...

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat … As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, ” Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “” Business. I’m going to the Annual Nympho- maniacs of America Convention in Boston .”
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”
” Lecturer,” she responded. ” I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he said. ” And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained,” one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. ” I’m sorry,” she said, ” I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name…”
“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.”

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, " I am Steph Curry , the best NBA basketball player. The warriors and my millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane

The 2nd passenger , Donald Trump , said , " I am the newly elected US President , and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger , the Pope , said to the 4th passenger , a 10 year old schoolboy , " My son , I am old and don't have many years left , you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , " That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."

Ten dollars is ten dollars.

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."
And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."


One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."
Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went.


The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard.
He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

edit--format

Blonde boards a airplane

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.” The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.” The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”

Australia's smartest man

An airplane was about to crash..

There were five passengers on board, but only four parachutes.

The first passenger said, “I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can’t afford to die.”

So he took the first parachute and left the plane.

The second passenger, Tony Abbot said, “I am the Prime Minister of Australia and I am the smartest man in Australian history, so Australia’s people don’t want me to die.”

He took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, John Kerry said, “I’m a Senator and a decorated war hero from the Army of the United States of America.”

He grabbed the parachute next to him and jumped.

The fourth passenger, ex-President George W Bush said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl;

“I have lived a full life and served my country the best I could. I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.”

The little girl said “That’s okay, Mr President. There’s a parachute left for you..., Australia’s smartest man just took my schoolbag.”

An airplane was about to crash..

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said “I am Stephen Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, “I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don’t want me to die.” He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, “My son, I am old and don’t have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.”
The little boy said, “That’s okay, Your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for you.
America’s smartest President took my schoolbag.”

Nymphomaniac Convention

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.
As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat... As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston"

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men,

when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

Fred and Mary got married

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent'shome for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

She replies, 'No.'

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.'

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

His mom says, 'No.'

He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His Mom replies, 'Ok, tell me what you think?'

He says, 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.'
__________________

A blonde gets on an airplane

and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying in first class until we reach New York."

The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm staying in first class until we reach New York." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot. The copilot said "No problem my wife is blonde I can handle this"

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the first class wasn't going to New York. "

An airplane was about to crash. There were 5 passengers but only 4 parachutes.

The pilot announced of the crash and immediately took his own parachute.
The 1st passenger, the President, said ,"I am the newly elected US President , and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 1st pack and jumped out of the plane.
The 2nd passenger, a doctor, said,"I've got to get to the hospital. There are hundreds of lives waiting to be saved by me!"
The 3rd passenger, the police, said "I've got to get to work too! The city's security depends on me". With that, he too, took a parachute.
The 4th passenger , the Pope , said to the 5th passenger , a 10 year old schoolboy , " My son , I am old and don't have many years left , you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said ," That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. They already threw the doctor out."

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.

​

The 1st passenger said, 'I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die.' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, 'I am the newly-elected US President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die.' He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.

The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10-year-old schoolboy, 'My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.'

The little boy said, 'That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America 's smartest President took my schoolbag.

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yup. Sure did." The farmer mumbled unconcernedly, cutting off his motor.

"Do you realize that is the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yup.""Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out" the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning."

"President Trump is dead?" the sheriff shouted. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a-saying he wasn't... but you know what a liar he is!"

Detroit isn't That Bad... Trust Me

A guy boards an airplane to Detroit and makes his way to his seat where he notices the guy sitting next to him looks very worried. He asks him if he's afraid of flying.

"No, my company is moving me to Detroit. I've heard terrible things about Detroit; I'm worried about my family."

The guy tells him, "Look, it's not at all like the rumors. I've lived in Detroit my whole life. Find a nice home in a nice suburb, get your kids into a decent school, the community is great... you'll be fine, trust me."

The other guy seems to perk up and says, "Hey, thanks man, you've really calmed my nerves, I feel better. So what do you do in Detroit?"

"I'm a tail-gunner on a Bud Light truck..."

An airplane was about to crash...

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best Football player. Real Madrid and my millions of fans need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly-elected U.S. President, and I am the smartest President in American history, so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane. The 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son, I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said, "That's okay, Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's "smartest President" took my schoolbag."

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.

As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman
he ever saw boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out,

"Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said,

"Business."

I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard.

Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him,
and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,

"What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded.

"I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences
to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said.

"And what kind of myths are there?" "

"Well", she explained,

"One popular myth is that African-American men
are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact
it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

"Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers,
when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina
is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.

"I'm sorry," she said,

"I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you.
I don't even know your name..."

"Tonto," the man said ,

"Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think!

Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

Plane Ride

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."

Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."

Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

Airplane passengers watch nervously

As two men wearing pilots' uniforms and dark glasses use canes to feel their way into the cockpit.



The plane starts barreling down the runway, and the passengers begin to get scared as the water at the end of the airstrip nears. With only a few yards left, everyone screams, but the plane lifts off just in time. The passengers think it was all a joke, while in the cockpit, the pilots high five.



"You know," says one pilot to the other, "one day they're gonna scream too late, and we're gonna die."

My Grandpa's favorite "dumb blonde" joke.

A blonde is on an airplane to Chicago and gets up from her seat in coach and goes into the first class cabin and sits down.

The flight attendant goes up to the blonde and politely tells her that she does not have a first class ticket and must go back to coach. The blonde refuses and says , "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I am going to Chicago, and I am staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "you say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in coach.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Chicago."

edit: Consistency. Apparently, just typing out this joke gives you 'dumb blonde syndrome'.

Popular Topics