Florida Jokes

Two blondes are walking and one asks, “ which is closer, the moon or Florida?” And the other responds, “duh... ... can you see Florida?”

What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Florida? About 3 days

In all honesty though, my thoughts and good wishes go out to the people of Florida,

If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.

I went to this restaurant on the beach in Florida and ordered something called the Pelican Burger. It was good, but the bill was enormous.

I saw Al Gore talking about rising sea levels the other day... He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.

What do a Florida hurricane, a Kansas tornado, and an Arkansas divorce have in common? Some poor sap's gonna lose a trailer.

This and That are both on summer break. That is heading to Florida. This has plans to travel somewhere, but he won't give me the details.

i have no idea where this is going

The state of Florida is a navigational anomaly... The further north you go the more southern it gets.

It's a good thing Gatorade was invented at the University of Florida and not Florida State University. Because then it would be Seminole fluid.

I was in Florida recently to visit a good friend... and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read, "I miss Detroit."

So I broke the window, stole the radio, and left a note that read...

"I hope this helps."

This dude from Florida got mad at me the other day. Apparently people from Tampa aren't called tampons.

So I just heard there is a disease killing off the Alligator population in Florida. They all got Gatorades.

It’s a good thing the popular sports drink was invented at Florida instead of Florida State... Because “Gatorade” is a much better name than “Seminole Fluid”.

Carry A Flashlight A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.

"Is it true," the tourist asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"

"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."

In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library. Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library.

-Conan Monologue June 12, 2014

Can't argue with that Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other " Which do you think is further away ... Florida or the moon the other blonde says HELOOOOOOO can you see Florida

(Real news) In Florida, a truck filled with $120,000-worth of chocolate was stolen. Police warn the thieves could be armed and PMSing.

Two blondes talking to each other... One asks the other, "Which one do you think is closer, Florida or the Moon?"

The other blonde says, "Well duh! You can't see Florida from here."

Florida man contracts herpes while checking his birthday prostitute's mouth for sores As meemum used to say, "you shouldn't look gift whores in the mouth"

I went to Florida yesterday and a cop asked me if I have a criminal record. I said no, Is that still required?

An old one but a good one What does a hurricane in Florida, a tornado in Arkansas, and a divorce in Kentucky have in common?



Someone is fixin’ to lose a trailer

Two blondes are walking, when one asks, “which is closer, the moon, or Florida?” The second blonde responds “Duh... can you SEE Florida?”

What's the difference between Florida and Atlantis? About 5 days.

"Where are my keys?" -Florida

Judging from everything I’ve seen in the news... Florida Man is the worst super hero ever.

Why did Donald Trump win Florida in the Presidential Election? Floridians have seen the positive effect an Orange can have on the economy.

What do Marco Rubio and an AR-15 have in common? They're both really easy to buy in Florida.

Children in florida during the hurricanes, They all got free swimming lessons in the comfort of their home.

In 49 states in America, a crab shack is a restaurant. In Florida, it's a changing room.

Offensive Challenger Jokes What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts

What did Christa McAuliffe say before it blew up? "What does this button do?"

Where did Christa McAuliffe spend her vacation? All over Florida.

Did you hear about the debate between Houston and Florida? It's Roe v. Wade

Hurricane Irma Right now Irma is signaling for a left turn.


But it's Florida so, you know, you can't really be sure whats going to happen.

Nobody's happier about hurricane Irma than Hillary Clinton and Al Gore It's the only reason their books are flying off the shelves in Florida.

Florida Gators drink Gatorade Florida State Seminoles drink Seminole fluid.

Ex who lives in Florida called and asked if she and her kids could come North and stay with me until the hurricane passes.


I said "Well, your dog can."

Today, a woman on the bus said she and I had met on a beach in Miami a few years earlier. "You must be mistaken" I told her. "I've never been to Florida before"

"Me neither," she responded "It must have been two different people."

What's the difference between credit fraud and and a touchdown? Credit fraud is a line the Florida Gators know how to cross

2 Blondes siting in a backyard in Florida at night One says to the other What do you think is closer the moon or Texas... the other says the moon so the other asks how do you know and she replies duh can you see Texas

Can Joe Biden flip Florida? Geologists say no.