Hilarious Canadian Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Canadian Jokes

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today. I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

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What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? an Envelope
EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

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No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.

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I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?

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A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"

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Nobody believes that I can name the Canadian Prime Minister. It's Trudeau.

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I'm not an apologetic Canadian... I'm sorry, I'm just not

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I just passed by Canadian citizenship test! I got an eh +

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As a Canadian.. Every time I hear a bad joke about being Canadian...

...I go right to the Hospital and get my feelings checked for free

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Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym. After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

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A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?" And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."

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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan? You take away their brooms.

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Why do Canadian women use a hockey puck instead of tampons? Cuz they last for three periods.

(I am truly sorry)

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I just passed my Canadian citizenship test. I got an Eh plus.

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How do you know Justin Bieber is Canadian? Only a Canadian could get a #1 on Billboard with a song called Sorry.

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How can you spot a Canadian They're the ones that say "Thank You" to the ATM

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Canadian guy: Let’s watch a movie. American: Sure. How about The Titanic?

Canadian: What’s that about?

American: Yes. A big one. It sank.

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A Cuban, a Canadian, and a White Supremacist walks into a bar... The bartender asks "What'll you have Senator Cruz?"

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Testing the dog's IQ A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ.

Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is definitely smarter than you.

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Why do Canadian couples like to do it doggie style? So they can both watch the hockey game!

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My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink Canadian whiskey. I am still mean but I am apologetic aboot it. #sorry

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What do you call a Mexican-Canadian pimp business? Hoes, eh?

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Canadian summer I asked my Canadian buddy "Did you have a good summer?"

He said "No! I was working that day."

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If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a Nickelback. I'll let myself out.

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U.S. singles may be bills, and Canadian singles may be coins... ...but Asian singles are in my area.

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What's the difference between imitation bread and the Canadian prime minister? One is fake dough, the other is Trudeau.

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What's a Canadian's favorite board game? Sorry!

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A Canadian accidentally bumped into a hard of hearing person. Legend has it that they're still saying sorry to each other.

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A baby seal walks into a bar... ... and says,"I'll have anything but a Canadian Club."

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My Canadian friend did really well on an exam He got an Eh

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What do you call a Canadian prostitute? A leaf blower

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What did the Canadian Sniper say after making a record-breaking kill shot? Sorry

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How do you sink a Canadian submarine? You knock on the door and they will open it and invite you in for a beer

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Why is the Canadian version of GTA easier? Hospitals don't take your money when you die.

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I told my Canadian friend that I ran zero miles today... she said that was 0K

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A harp seal walks into a bar Takes a seat at the bar. The bartender asks "what would you like?" The harp seal replies, "anything but a Canadian club."

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A Canadian sniper hit a target from 2 miles When asked how he did it, he said it was a team effort. "I could have never done it without my spotter and 2 sweepers."

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What do you call a Canadian tampon? A beaver dam

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A Baby Seal Walks Into a Bar, Goes up to the bar and the barkeep asks, 'What would you like?'

Baby Seal says, 'Anything but a Canadian Club on the Rocks.'

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New Canadian Jokes

A Scottish Canadian man called me on my radio talk show. He started insulting me and repeating what I said in a weird voice It was call-in mockery

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An arctic seal walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What'll you have"

The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"

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Why do Canadian School Teachers bring pain killers before teaching the alphabet? Because E is always sore

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With all this outrage over blackface I'm here to defend our Canadian Prime Minster as the most Canadian Prime Minister ever. I mean who else ever said I'm sorry so much over his double dark roast?

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What do you call Canadian police? Maple Bacon

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A Canadian man visits a lighthouse... The lighthouse keeper is with him at the top, cleaning the bulb, when a loud horn is heard in the distance.

"What's that about?", the Canadian asks.

"Yes."

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What do you call a Canadian with sunburn A tourist

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What do you call a Canadian with sunburn A Dual Citizen, Eh?

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What's a Canadian's favorite unit of computer memory? The Tim-byte.

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What is the most Canadian non-alcoholic drink? American beer.

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My friend thinks that the Canadian PM is an evil guy. I don't think that's Trudeau.

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I always considered myself a Canadian American in spirit I apologize when I enter an empty room in case the NSA is listening.

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TIL that Canadian Natives learn vowels differently than the rest of us. We learn them "A, E, I, O, U ", and they learn them "E, I, O, U, A".

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I didn't study for the Canadian History test and still got a hundred It was easy, all the answers were A

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How did Canada get it’s name? Well three Canadian men decided to put a bunch of letters in a hat. They each picked out one letter and proceeded to say what they got...
Canadian1: I got C eh
Canadian2: I got N eh
Canadian3: I got d eh

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How can you tell the difference between a Canadian and a New Yorker? New Yorker says: Eh! Get off my car...

Canadian says: Get off my car, eh...

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A Canadian was on trial for second-degree murder. He was acquitted, but he apologized anyway.

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Why was the Canadian stripper sore all over? People had been throwing loonies at her all day

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What do you say when you offended a Canadian but just don't care? Sorry if you wanted an apology.

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Have you ever noticed that American and Canadian coins look basically the same? Is that intentional? Or is it just a coin-cidence?

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Why did the Canadian meteorologists lose to the American meteorologists in basketball? Because it was unfair in height

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What is a Russian's favorite Canadian food? Vladimir Poutine!

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Baby Seal A baby seal walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "what will it be?"

Baby seal says, "anything but Canadian Club."

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If your in Canada and need the Canadian Police Just have an argument without saying "Please", "Thank you", or "Sorry".

Sorry.

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I am a Canadian General planning the invasion of the USA We can reschedule if it is inconvenient for you guys

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Two Canadian nuclear physicists walk into a bar The first one says "Will you pay for this round?"

The second one replies "CANDU."

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A Canadian visits Russia A Canadian visits Russia and goes to a restaurant that serves fries with gravy and cheese. He says, "I hate this poutine".

He was never seen again.

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The Canadian restaurant by my house has been closed for renovations. They're just doing some poutine maintenance.

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Canadian Prime Minister It's hard to believe that the Canadian Prime Minister is so hot, but it's Trudeau.

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I'm in love Guys I'm in love with the Canadian Prime Minister, they say he's the best. I wonder if it's Trudeau

Edit: This Justin, it was Trudeau

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How does a Canadian demand an apology? Leading by example.

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What's the difference between a Canadian oil mogul and an American one? The Canadian will apologize for destroying the environment.

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Some people say Canadian province names are silly. Personally, I'll have Nunavut.

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How do you make a Canadian apologize? Step on his toe.

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If a Canadian burps and says excuse me... But no one hears him.. is he really being polite?

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What do you get when you mix a Canadian and a Chinese? Whiplash.

I'll see myself out now, Before I get crucified.

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Son: what's a Canadian, mommy? Mommy: it's an un-armed North American with health insurance, honey

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What do hoppy beers and Canadian urinals have in common? I pee, eh

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My friend thinks the Canadian prime minister does not know quantum physics. I know it's trudeau.

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I petitioned to rename a Canadian province... Their government would have Nunavut

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Hear about the Canadian Nationalists? Their slogan is "We're not sorry anymore"

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Ever seen a Canadian standoff? It's like a Mexican standoff, but instead of 2 guys with guns it's two guys who keep trying to let the other go through a narrow door way. "Oop, sorry. Oop, sorry"

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Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau run a 100-meter race... Trudeau easily overtakes Trump and wins.

Minutes later, the White House tweets a press note:

"President Trump won prestigious silver in US-Canada race. The Canadian showed up second-to-last."

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I was making fun of my friend's favorite Canadian territory... ...but he was having Nunavut...

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I watched a Canadian fight one time... ...and suddenly an ice hockey game broke out

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What do you call a timid Canadian shellfish? A cool clux clam.

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What do you call a Canadian shoe? A boot.

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Anyone ever try Canadian Bacon? I hear it's the nicest bacon around.

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What's the difference between a hockey player and a French Canadian woman? Hockey players shower after 3 periods.

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Canada has the Canadian goose, what does Jamaica have? The mongoose.

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What is a Canadian vampire's favourite drink? Type Eh.

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How did the Americans know the latest suicide bombing was perpetrated by a Canadian Islamic extremist? Because, at the center of the detonation site, they found a moose-limb.

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How do you know it's safe to feed the ducks the same thing as the Canadian geese down at the pond? Because what's good the goose is good for Merganser.

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Why is the Canadian Mint so confusing? Because they don't make any cents.

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I once lived with a Canadian family for a year... They didn't want me to, but were too polite to ask me to leave!

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A Spaniard moves to Canada. After his flight lands, he goes to get some dinner. He orders pork. A local asks him why.

EDIT:

>"Por qué?" is Spanish for "Why?". It also sounds like "Pork, eh?" which the local (Canadian) says.

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how to make any Canadian really angry When they tell you that they love hokey, ask them which type.

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What does a Canadian get by mixing black and white? Greh.

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Why do Canadian's say "A" so much? Just look at our name. C-A-N-A-D-A

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what did the canadian guy say after working out at a gym so much the machines broke? I'm sorey...

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