Canadian Jokes

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Funniest Canadian Jokes

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today. I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

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What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? an Envelope
EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

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Funny Canadian Jokes
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No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.

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I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?

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A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"

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Nobody believes that I can name the Canadian Prime Minister. It's Trudeau.

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I'm not an apologetic Canadian... I'm sorry, I'm just not

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I just passed by Canadian citizenship test! I got an eh +

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As a Canadian.. Every time I hear a bad joke about being Canadian...


...I go right to the Hospital and get my feelings checked for free

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Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym. After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

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A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?" And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."

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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan? You take away their brooms.

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Why do Canadian women use a hockey puck instead of tampons? Cuz they last for three periods.

(I am truly sorry)

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I just passed my Canadian citizenship test. I got an Eh plus.

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How do you know Justin Bieber is Canadian? Only a Canadian could get a #1 on Billboard with a song called Sorry.

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How can you spot a Canadian They're the ones that say "Thank You" to the ATM

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Canadian guy: Let’s watch a movie. American: Sure. How about The Titanic?

Canadian: What’s that about?

American: Yes. A big one. It sank.

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A Cuban, a Canadian, and a White Supremacist walks into a bar... The bartender asks "What'll you have Senator Cruz?"

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Testing the dog's IQ A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ.

Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is definitely smarter than you.

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Why do Canadian couples like to do it doggie style? So they can both watch the hockey game!

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My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink Canadian whiskey. I am still mean but I am apologetic aboot it. #sorry

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What do you call a Mexican-Canadian pimp business? Hoes, eh?

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Canadian summer I asked my Canadian buddy "Did you have a good summer?"

He said "No! I was working that day."

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If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a Nickelback. I'll let myself out.

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U.S. singles may be bills, and Canadian singles may be coins... ...but Asian singles are in my area.

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What's the difference between imitation bread and the Canadian prime minister? One is fake dough, the other is Trudeau.

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What's a Canadian's favorite board game? Sorry!

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A Canadian accidentally bumped into a hard of hearing person. Legend has it that they're still saying sorry to each other.

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A baby seal walks into a bar... ... and says,"I'll have anything but a Canadian Club."

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My Canadian friend did really well on an exam He got an Eh

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Heard this while at a Canadian airport. Lady: We're going to the states for a few days.

Oldman: I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Lady: Why not?

Oldman: It's full of Americans.

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What do you call a Canadian tampon? A beaver dam

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Someone told me recently that the healthcare.gov website was built by a Canadian company. I guess that explains why the site is constantly freezing.

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A Cuban, a Canadian, and a homophobic walk into a bar The bartender says, "What'll it be, Senator Cruz?"

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A Canadian and a Saudi Arabian had a baby... They named it Yasir Youbetcha

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My dad’s Mexican and my mom’s Canadian... But I don’t wanna taco boot it

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An arctic seal walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What'll you have"

The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"

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Canadian wildfire from BC turned back at USA border by customs and boarder patrol. Upon admitting to smoking "fields of marijuana" on its way to the border, the fire was denied entry, and banned for life from entering the US.

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what did the canadian guy say after working out at a gym so much the machines broke? I'm sorey...

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New Canadian Jokes

ONLY AMERICAN AND CANADIAN'S WILL GET THIS RIGHT AWAY. Why can't a hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

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Canadian joke my dad used to tell me, wanted to see if it translates well... Phillip: What did the Spanish priest say to the Iranian gynecologist?

Terrance: I don't know Phillip

Phillip: *Farts*

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Told my Canadian friend my Alcoholics Anonymous teacher gave my homework an A "You got an AA A, eh?"

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Some people say I speak very Canadian But I'm only half Canadian E

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I heard Nintendo is making a pop-up shop for legitimate merchandise of that plumber character. It's going to be in Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver. They're calling it the Real Canadian Super Store.

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What do Canadian guys get when they’re aroused? A booner.

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What do you call a Canadian fight ring? A hockey game.

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Why do Canadian School Teachers bring pain killers before teaching the alphabet? Because E is always sore

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With all this outrage over blackface I'm here to defend our Canadian Prime Minster as the most Canadian Prime Minister ever. I mean who else ever said I'm sorry so much over his double dark roast?

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What's the difference between an Alaskan and a Canadian? We haven't conquered the rest of Canada yet.

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What do you call Canadian police? Maple Bacon

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A man was going to a Canadian restaurant He orders his food, and when the waiter comes around he asks “how is your food?”

“It’s meh.” He replies

The waiter looks at him, and says “yeah, and it’ll be June next.”

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What drink do they serve at the Newfoundland seal hunt? Canadian Club

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A Canadian was told to throw out the trash And thats why we Have Justin Bieber in the U.S

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How do you make a Canadian with a lisp happy? You tell them to syr-up, buddy!

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Canada has the Canadian goose, what does Jamaica have? The mongoose.

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A so German, a Russian, an Irishman, a Czech, an Australian, a Canadian, an Indian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, a Mexican, a Scot, a Kenyan, a Brazillian, a Hatian, and an American all walk up to a club... The bouncer says "I'm sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."

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How did the bad Canadian fisherman describe his only catch of the day? "Aboot this big"

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what do you call the most famous canadian hacking group? anonymoose.

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how to make any Canadian really angry When they tell you that they love hokey, ask them which type.

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Why dont Canadian colleges have spring break First , you need spring.

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Man, Jian Ghomenshi had the Canadian public eating out of his hand... ... but he totally choked!

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Why do Canadian's say "A" so much? Just look at our name. C-A-N-A-D-A

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