Canadian Jokes


Funniest Canadian Jokes

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today. I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

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What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? an Envelope
EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

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Funny Canadian Jokes
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No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.

Score: 747

I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?

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A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"

Score: 557

Nobody believes that I can name the Canadian Prime Minister. It's Trudeau.

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I'm not an apologetic Canadian... I'm sorry, I'm just not

Score: 395

I just passed by Canadian citizenship test! I got an eh +

Score: 357

As a Canadian.. Every time I hear a bad joke about being Canadian...

...I go right to the Hospital and get my feelings checked for free

Score: 315

Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym. After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

Score: 302

A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?" And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."

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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan? You take away their brooms.

Score: 204

Why do Canadian women use a hockey puck instead of tampons? Cuz they last for three periods.

(I am truly sorry)

Score: 152

I just passed my Canadian citizenship test. I got an Eh plus.

Score: 144

How do you know Justin Bieber is Canadian? Only a Canadian could get a #1 on Billboard with a song called Sorry.

Score: 110

How can you spot a Canadian They're the ones that say "Thank You" to the ATM

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Canadian guy: Let’s watch a movie. American: Sure. How about The Titanic?

Canadian: What’s that about?

American: Yes. A big one. It sank.

Score: 89

A Cuban, a Canadian, and a White Supremacist walks into a bar... The bartender asks "What'll you have Senator Cruz?"

Score: 79

Testing the dog's IQ A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ.

Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is definitely smarter than you.

Score: 79

Why do Canadian couples like to do it doggie style? So they can both watch the hockey game!

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My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink Canadian whiskey. I am still mean but I am apologetic aboot it. #sorry

Score: 73

What do you call a Mexican-Canadian pimp business? Hoes, eh?

Score: 72

Canadian summer I asked my Canadian buddy "Did you have a good summer?"

He said "No! I was working that day."

Score: 59

If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a Nickelback. I'll let myself out.

Score: 52

U.S. singles may be bills, and Canadian singles may be coins... ...but Asian singles are in my area.

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What's the difference between imitation bread and the Canadian prime minister? One is fake dough, the other is Trudeau.

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What's a Canadian's favorite board game? Sorry!

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A Canadian accidentally bumped into a hard of hearing person. Legend has it that they're still saying sorry to each other.

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A baby seal walks into a bar... ... and says,"I'll have anything but a Canadian Club."

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How do you sink a Canadian submarine? You knock on the door and they will open it and invite you in for a beer

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I told my Canadian friend that I ran zero miles today... she said that was 0K

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I once lived with a Canadian family for a year... They didn't want me to, but were too polite to ask me to leave!

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What does a Canadian get by mixing black and white? Greh.

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An arctic seal walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What'll you have"

The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"

Score: 4

what did the canadian guy say after working out at a gym so much the machines broke? I'm sorey...

Score: 3

My friend thinks the Canadian prime minister does not know quantum physics. I know it's trudeau.

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What is a Russian's favorite Canadian food? Vladimir Poutine!

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A Canadian man visits a lighthouse... The lighthouse keeper is with him at the top, cleaning the bulb, when a loud horn is heard in the distance.

"What's that about?", the Canadian asks.


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Why is the Canadian Mint so confusing? Because they don't make any cents.

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New Canadian Jokes

ONLY AMERICAN AND CANADIAN'S WILL GET THIS RIGHT AWAY. Why can't a hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

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Some people say I speak very Canadian But I'm only half Canadian E

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Why do Canadian School Teachers bring pain killers before teaching the alphabet? Because E is always sore

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With all this outrage over blackface I'm here to defend our Canadian Prime Minster as the most Canadian Prime Minister ever. I mean who else ever said I'm sorry so much over his double dark roast?

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What's the difference between an Alaskan and a Canadian? We haven't conquered the rest of Canada yet.

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What do you call Canadian police? Maple Bacon

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A man was going to a Canadian restaurant He orders his food, and when the waiter comes around he asks “how is your food?”

“It’s meh.” He replies

The waiter looks at him, and says “yeah, and it’ll be June next.”

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What do you call a Canadian with sunburn A tourist

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What do you call a Canadian with sunburn A Dual Citizen, Eh?

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A Canadian was told to throw out the trash And thats why we Have Justin Bieber in the U.S

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A Spaniard moves to Canada. After his flight lands, he goes to get some dinner. He orders pork. A local asks him why.


>"Por qué?" is Spanish for "Why?". It also sounds like "Pork, eh?" which the local (Canadian) says.

Score: 2

how to make any Canadian really angry When they tell you that they love hokey, ask them which type.

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Man, Jian Ghomenshi had the Canadian public eating out of his hand... ... but he totally choked!

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Why do Canadian's say "A" so much? Just look at our name. C-A-N-A-D-A

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