As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today. I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?
EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke
No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.
Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.
After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.
One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"
The other said, "What for?"
A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?" And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."
Why do Canadian women use a hockey puck instead of tampons?
Cuz they last for three periods.
(I am truly sorry)
How do you know Justin Bieber is Canadian? Only a Canadian could get a #1 on Billboard with a song called Sorry.
Canadian guy: Let’s watch a movie.
American: Sure. How about The Titanic?
Canadian: What’s that about?
American: Yes. A big one. It sank.
Testing the dog's IQ
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ.
Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is definitely smarter than you.
My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink Canadian whiskey. I am still mean but I am apologetic aboot it. #sorry
I asked my Canadian buddy "Did you have a good summer?"
He said "No! I was working that day."
If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a Nickelback. I'll let myself out.
U.S. singles may be bills, and Canadian singles may be coins... ...but Asian singles are in my area.
What's the difference between imitation bread and the Canadian prime minister? One is fake dough, the other is Trudeau.
A Canadian accidentally bumped into a hard of hearing person. Legend has it that they're still saying sorry to each other.
A Canadian walks into a bar A Canadian walks into a bar, steps back, apologizes to the bar, and walks away.
An american and Canadian are having a conversation
The american asks: “Is it true that Canadians apologise a lot?”
The Canadian thought about it for a while, shook his head, and replied:
“I’m sorry, I don’t know”
Every time an American makes fun of me for being Canadian I go to the nearest hospital and get myself checked for free.
Heard this while at a Canadian airport.
Lady: We're going to the states for a few days.
Oldman: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Lady: Why not?
Oldman: It's full of Americans.
Some people say the Canadian prime minister does not like dressing up like a black person. But it's Trudeau.
A seal walks into a bar
A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.
The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?"
The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."
Canadian and a American watching a movie
Canadian: Lets watch a movie.
American: Have you seen Titanic?
Canadian: What's that about?
American: Yes, it was. A big one that sank.
Did you hear that Donald Trump claimed the Canadian Prime Minister uttered a falsehood? It was Trudeau
I tried to translate a joke from Canadian Did you hear about the war between Nova Scotia and Newfoundland?. ? The newfies were throwing grenades the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back
Canadian joke my dad used to tell me, wanted to see if it translates well...
Phillip: What did the Spanish priest say to the Iranian gynecologist?
Terrance: I don't know Phillip
A Canadian walks into a bar
A Canadian walks into a bar and sees two large ladies. He asks, "are you two ladies from Scotland?"
The ladies, furious, reply, "Wales! Wales!"
The man turns back, "I apologise. Are you two whales from Scotland?"
Why were there no gunslingers in the Canadian Old West?
I don't know but it couldn't of been because of their mittens.
A work buddy of mine
A work buddy of mine is Canadian and he told me This joke that I found pretty funny. I am American.
"There are only two things Canadians are proud of. That they're Canadian. And that they aren't American"
Why did the chicken cross the garden?
To get to the Canadian side.
Please come north, we have poutine
A Canadian research team has made history by freezing mice to temperatures of absolute zero.
Animal rights groups are outraged by the cruel tests performed on the animals.
But they’ll be 0K.
A guy enters a bank and shouts "The money or else I'll tear down my mask!" The teller says: "You prefer Canadian dollar, right?"
After the American lost both of his shoes in the mud, he asked the Canadian if the Mexican lost any footwear in the muck. The Canadian replied, "Just about."
Told my Canadian friend my Alcoholics Anonymous teacher gave my homework an A "You got an AA A, eh?"
A baby seal walks into a bar
The bartender asks, "What'll you have?"
The baby seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club."
2 blind Mexicans walk into a bar, But ran into a wall trying to escape after a Canadian asked for ICE...
I have different nationalities... I'm American by birth, Canadian by adoption and Scotch by absorption.
The Only Canadian Province/Territory to Not Have Covid-19 is Nunavut I suppose you can say they have none of it...
If I can hit you with a Hockey Stick...(And I will) You're too close.
Canadian and Chinese man get into a car crash
Chinese man knows very little English.
Chinese man: I am sorry
Canadian: I am sorry too
Chinese man: I am sorry three
Canadian: What are you sorry for?
Chinese man: I am sorry five
I asked my Canadian friend what he thought was different between a Canadian and American education: The education is much better in Canada because everyone gets straight EHs.
You wouldn't think that the Canadian prime minister's wife could get the coronavirus... It's Trudeau.
What does your Canadian friend cooking dinner for you have in common with the Empire from Star Wars?
Sorry, I'll get my coat.
My doctor said the reason why I am sorry and then mad all the time is because I am bipolar I told him no, it's because I'm half Italian and half Canadian
I heard Nintendo is making a pop-up shop for legitimate merchandise of that plumber character. It's going to be in Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver. They're calling it the Real Canadian Super Store.
A baby seal walks into a bar....
Says I'll have a whiskey.
Bartender says what kind?
Baby seal says anything other than a Canadian Club.
A Canadian buys a walk-in freezer
His neighbor asks him: "Why do you need a freezer when it's so cold outside?"
He replies: "To have a warm place inside the house. It's -30 outside and -10 in the freezer."
I started a fight with 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11.
The police have identified me as the *prime suspect*.
I'm not Canadian but I'm already sorry for posting this.