Canadian Jokes

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Funniest Canadian Jokes

As a Canadian I never realized how slow my internet was until today. I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!

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What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? an Envelope
EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

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Funny Canadian Jokes
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No matter who wins the presidential election, it will be historic. We'll either have the first female president, the first Jewish president, the first Canadian president, or the last president.

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I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name. Is this Trudeau?

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Nobody believes that I can name the Canadian Prime Minister. It's Trudeau.

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I just passed by Canadian citizenship test! I got an eh +

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Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym. After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.

One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"

The other said, "What for?"

Score: 302

A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?" And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."

Score: 227

How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan? You take away their brooms.

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Why do Canadian women use a hockey puck instead of tampons? Cuz they last for three periods.

(I am truly sorry)

Score: 152

I just passed my Canadian citizenship test. I got an Eh plus.

Score: 144

How do you know Justin Bieber is Canadian? Only a Canadian could get a #1 on Billboard with a song called Sorry.

Score: 110

How can you spot a Canadian They're the ones that say "Thank You" to the ATM

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Canadian guy: Let’s watch a movie. American: Sure. How about The Titanic?

Canadian: What’s that about?

American: Yes. A big one. It sank.

Score: 89

Testing the dog's IQ A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ.

Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is definitely smarter than you.

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Why do Canadian couples like to do it doggie style? So they can both watch the hockey game!

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My wife says I get mean when I drink whiskey. Now I drink Canadian whiskey. I am still mean but I am apologetic aboot it. #sorry

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Canadian summer I asked my Canadian buddy "Did you have a good summer?"

He said "No! I was working that day."

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If I had a Nickel for every terrible Canadian rock band, I know I'd at least get a Nickelback. I'll let myself out.

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U.S. singles may be bills, and Canadian singles may be coins... ...but Asian singles are in my area.

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What's the difference between imitation bread and the Canadian prime minister? One is fake dough, the other is Trudeau.

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A Canadian accidentally bumped into a hard of hearing person. Legend has it that they're still saying sorry to each other.

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A baby seal walks into a bar... ... and says,"I'll have anything but a Canadian Club."

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What's a baby seals' least favourite drink? Canadian Club on the Rocks

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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the pan? Take away the tiny broom.

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A Canadian walks into a bar A Canadian walks into a bar, steps back, apologizes to the bar, and walks away.

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My Canadian friend did really well on an exam He got an Eh

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Canadian Joke: How was Terry Fox like Hitler? He couldn't finish a race either.

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An american and Canadian are having a conversation The american asks: “Is it true that Canadians apologise a lot?”

The Canadian thought about it for a while, shook his head, and replied:
“I’m sorry, I don’t know”

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What do you call a Canadian prostitute? A leaf blower

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What did the Canadian Sniper say after making a record-breaking kill shot? Sorry

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Every time an American makes fun of me for being Canadian I go to the nearest hospital and get myself checked for free.

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Heard this while at a Canadian airport. Lady: We're going to the states for a few days.

Oldman: I wouldn't do that if I were you.

Lady: Why not?

Oldman: It's full of Americans.

Score: 24

Why did the Canadian DJ turn down the gig at the local Y? Because why emcee, eh?

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Some people say the Canadian prime minister does not like dressing up like a black person. But it's Trudeau.

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A seal walks into a bar A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?"

The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."

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Canadian and a American watching a movie Canadian: Lets watch a movie.

American: Have you seen Titanic?

Canadian: What's that about?

American: Yes, it was. A big one that sank.

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Did you hear that Donald Trump claimed the Canadian Prime Minister uttered a falsehood? It was Trudeau

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How do you sink a Canadian submarine? You knock on the door and they will open it and invite you in for a beer

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I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border. I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.

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New Canadian Jokes

If a Canadian zombie were to win some brains in a contest... ...would he have to answer a skull-tasting question?

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My girlfriend is Canadian and I am Scottish. I said that it was tempting to talk in US English so that she would understand me. She said, “No, Canadian English. That means that we use the UK English spelling.” I said, “You honour that, do _U_?”

Score: 1

What’s a Canadian frogs favorite game to play? Croquet! ( croak-Eh )

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A guy in a Canadian city wants to get hammered. He goes up to the local pub with a strong man blocking his way.

"I want to drink the night away!"

The muscular guard takes off his sunglasses and says,

"What would you do for a Klondike bar?"

Score: 3

A Canadian walks into a restaurant... He orders some fish, and the waitress asks, "how would you like your fish cooked?"

He replies, "Friday."

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What did the Canadian boy get on his report card? An Eh+

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I tried to translate a joke from Canadian Did you hear about the war between Nova Scotia and Newfoundland?. ? The newfies were throwing grenades the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back

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Canadian joke my dad used to tell me, wanted to see if it translates well... Phillip: What did the Spanish priest say to the Iranian gynecologist?

Terrance: I don't know Phillip

Phillip: *Farts*

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A Canadian walks into a bar A Canadian walks into a bar and sees two large ladies. He asks, "are you two ladies from Scotland?"
The ladies, furious, reply, "Wales! Wales!"
The man turns back, "I apologise. Are you two whales from Scotland?"

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Canadian joke eh! Why did the Northwest Territories split?

They were halving Nunavut.

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Canadian Gunslingers Why were there no gunslingers in the Canadian Old West?

I don't know but it couldn't of been because of their mittens.

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Trump blames the Canadian PM sometimes But it’s not always Trudeau

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Canadian Alphabet EH B C D E EHF G EH I JEH K L M N O P Q R SORRY T U V W X Y-EH Z

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A work buddy of mine A work buddy of mine is Canadian and he told me This joke that I found pretty funny. I am American.

"There are only two things Canadians are proud of. That they're Canadian. And that they aren't American"

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What did the canadian dino wear to keep warm? A Jurassic Parka

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Why did the chicken cross the garden? To get to the Canadian side.

Please come north, we have poutine

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What do you call a Canadian who puts away their winter clothes in May? An optimist.

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A Canadian research team has made history by freezing mice to temperatures of absolute zero. Animal rights groups are outraged by the cruel tests performed on the animals.

But they’ll be 0K.

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Which Canadian artist threw mustard at the ceiling? Ceiling Dijon

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A guy enters a bank and shouts "The money or else I'll tear down my mask!" The teller says: "You prefer Canadian dollar, right?"

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After the American lost both of his shoes in the mud, he asked the Canadian if the Mexican lost any footwear in the muck. The Canadian replied, "Just about."

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Told my Canadian friend my Alcoholics Anonymous teacher gave my homework an A "You got an AA A, eh?"

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I failed my test on Canadian Geography today I knew Nunavut

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A baby seal walks into a bar The bartender asks, "What'll you have?"
The baby seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club."

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Some people say I speak very Canadian But I'm only half Canadian E

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2 blind Mexicans walk into a bar, But ran into a wall trying to escape after a Canadian asked for ICE...

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I have different nationalities... I'm American by birth, Canadian by adoption and Scotch by absorption.

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Just got the results back from my Canadian citizens test. I got an eh.

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The Only Canadian Province/Territory to Not Have Covid-19 is Nunavut I suppose you can say they have none of it...

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Canadian Logic If I can hit you with a Hockey Stick...(And I will) You're too close.

\#covid-19

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Canadian and Chinese man get into a car crash Chinese man knows very little English.

Chinese man: I am sorry

Canadian: I am sorry too

Chinese man: I am sorry three

Canadian: What are you sorry for?

Chinese man: I am sorry five

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I asked my Canadian friend what he thought was different between a Canadian and American education: The education is much better in Canada because everyone gets straight EHs.

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You wouldn't think that the Canadian prime minister's wife could get the coronavirus... It's Trudeau.

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What does your Canadian friend cooking dinner for you have in common with the Empire from Star Wars? Pal-poutine

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.
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.
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Sorry, I'll get my coat.

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A Canadian tells an American he's spelling everything wrong. The American responds: no u

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My doctor said the reason why I am sorry and then mad all the time is because I am bipolar I told him no, it's because I'm half Italian and half Canadian

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What do French Canadian Pirates love to drink? Parry Aye!

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What's the difference between Influenza and influenza A? An american and a canadian doctor.

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I heard Nintendo is making a pop-up shop for legitimate merchandise of that plumber character. It's going to be in Toronto, Montreal, and Vancouver. They're calling it the Real Canadian Super Store.

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What do Canadian guys get when they’re aroused? A booner.

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A baby seal walks into a bar.... Says I'll have a whiskey.

Bartender says what kind?

Baby seal says anything other than a Canadian Club.

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What did the Canadian chicken farmer ask Dr. Phil? You're looking for a chick, Phil, eh?

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What do you call a Canadian redditors best friend Snowbody

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I just transferred $490,007.13 to a Canadian bank account I hope the Nigerian Prince manages to release his inheritance.

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A Canadian buys a walk-in freezer His neighbor asks him: "Why do you need a freezer when it's so cold outside?"

He replies: "To have a warm place inside the house. It's -30 outside and -10 in the freezer."

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I started a fight with 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11. The police have identified me as the *prime suspect*.



I'm not Canadian but I'm already sorry for posting this.

Score: 4

I just realized if you rearrange the letters in Hola, you get Aloha. It's because I'm Canadian and automatically add an eh.

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What do you call a canadian prime minister that practises martial arts? Justin judeau

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What do you call a Canadian Prostitute who specializes in blow jobs? A Leaf Blower

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How do you know the difference between an American and Canadian Stripper? Bills don't leave bruises

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What do you call a Canadian fight ring? A hockey game.

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How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the on? Take away it’s tiny brooms!

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Why does Donald Trump hate the new Canadian government? Because it’s a minority.

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Congratulations to Justin Trudeau on the results of the Canadian Election He always did want to be a minority.

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Canadian visits friend in the states "How is it 30 degrees here in October?"

"How is it 30 degrees THERE in October?"

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An ode to the Canadian Thanksgiving: How do you keep a turkey in suspense? I will tell you tomorrow.

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An arctic seal walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What'll you have"

The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club!"

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A seal goes into a bar... The bartender says,"What'll it be Mr. Seal?"

The seal replies,"Anything but a Canadian Club."

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Congratulations, you've won a free vacation across Canada! You have a choice between experiencing the vast Canadian Arctic, or everything else that Canada has to offer. You either see all of it, or Nunavut.

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A baby fur seal went to a bar. He ordered a Canadian Club

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Why do Canadian School Teachers bring pain killers before teaching the alphabet? Because E is always sore

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