Wow Jokes

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet... I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don't know either.

Edit:*Wow thanks for the gold

TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead

EDIT: Wow. Now I understand RIP inbox.

(My first dad joke) Wife was breastfeeding Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in

Me: yeah he is really milking it

Edit: wow this blew up!
thanks for the gold!!!

Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.

Without the Arabs we wouldn't have 9/11. It would be IX/XI.

edit: Wow, I came back and this really blew up!

My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini. I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!"

He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year".

I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!” Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus.

It is unfair how for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes $0.78... Because then the man is left with only $0.22...


EDIT: Wow, this blew up on my way home.

Yes, this joke is from Bo Burnham as others have so nicely pointed out. Check out his work; he is a comedic genius.

6 was afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, but why did 7 eat 9? Because you're supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

EDIT: Wow RIP inbox, thanks for the love guys.

I want to be a millionaire just like my dad!! “Wow, your dad’s a millionaire?”
“No, but he always wanted to be.”

I watched the video of my wedding backwards. I almost cried when I took the ring back, gave her back to her father, moonwalked out of the church, and went away, free.

Wow: I made it to front page! Thanks guys!

Dad: Son, you're adopted. Son: Oh wow I wonder who my real parents are.

Dad: We are your real parents, your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.

Wow. The neighborhood barber just got arrested for dealing drugs. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.

What borders stupidity? Mexico & Canada


Edit: Wow, people can't take a joke....


Edit 2: Ayy nice flair

Dad: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking sons disease I have ever seen.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? One. We are efficient and dont have humour.




Edit: Wow this blew up. As a German, I didnt expect this.

Dad joke warning ⚠ Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.

I warned you.

I won a Gold medal! Wow! Thank you /u/ArticCamels! I appreciate you... Be safe out there.

I rang work and I said "I can't come in today, I have a wee cough" The boss said "You have a wee cough?"

I said "Wow, thanks boss, see you next Wednesday!"

WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!! WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!?

LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!!

WHEN DO WE WANT ‘EM?!?!?

*NEEEEEYYYYOOOOOOOOWWWW*

Edit: Wow, this really took off.

Two Police officers. Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says:

“Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site.”

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

What does a girl want more than anything in the world? Nothing. She's fine.


Edit: Wow guys. Thanks so much for the upvotes, the hilarious comments and I finally got my 1st gold!

What did the burglar say when he detonated a bomb to get into Fort Knox? Edit: Wow, this blew up. Thanks for the gold!

How to be insulting A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.

He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"

The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

I had a bukkake party last night. It was a disaster. Nobody came.


Edit: Wow! While I was gone this really...exploded.

From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks? You.

Why I oughta...!

Edit: Wow, thanks for all the love. My son is quite the character and he really caught me off guard with this!

When do you start on red and stop on green? When you're eating a watermelon!

Edit: wow, this is my highest rated post. Finally broke the 1000 karma barrier thank you all

Nice Legs.. A man goes to a bar and sees a 'larger' girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7. I wish I had an iPhone 7.

edit: wow really this is the best thing I've ever done huh whelp I guess it's okay to peak at 24.

So a Black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder... The bartender says "Wow, that's something real special you've got there! Where'd you get it?"

"Africa!", says the parrot.

A teenage boy goes up to his father "Father I am not a virgin anymore"

Father: "Wow that's great! Lets sit down and drink something celebrate about this moment"

Son: "Ok, I can drink with you but I can't sit"

So a black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder the bartender says “Wow that’s cool! Where’d you get it” “Africa” says the parrot

What does a terrorist say when his post reaches the front page ? Wow, this blew up

My friend's WoW character couldn't go forward anymore. You'll never guess what he said !? " wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

Our orchestra teacher told us he’d throw an instrument at us if we messed up. Wow. I can’t believe our teacher is threatening us with violins.

A man wake up from a coma and see that Trump is president... ... he says "Wow this is a really elaborate April fool's joke".

A black guy and his parrot walk into a bar The bartender says wow that's really cool where did you get it

The parrot says Africa

What did the owner of the mining rig say to his workers after they blasted the rock and found gold underneath? Wow this really blew up! Thanks for the gold!

Wow! I can't believe it's been almost a year since Harambe died. For the anniversary of his death, Cincinnati Zoo should have a sale. Discount for Harambe