Pig Jokes

Contents

Funniest Pig Jokes

What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig? Ones a heated yam, and ones a yeeted ham.

Score: 9763

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F

Score: 6689
Funny Pig Jokes
Score: 1598

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?" Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 349

A woman walks into a butcher shop "How much for the pig's head?"

"Ma'am, that's a mirror"

Score: 340

A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?" The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."

The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.

"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"

Score: 250

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called? 'American'.

​

Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.

​

Score: 226

"My husband is such a pig. All I asked for was $100 for the beauty salon..." "He took a long look at me and gave me $300"

Score: 217

What do you name a tricky pig? Cunningham

Score: 197

What do a hot potato and a thrown pig have in common? One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

Score: 182

Teacher :) Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 156

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig the letter “f”

Score: 123

What's the difference between Trump and a Flying Pig? The letter F.

Score: 106

A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says "You can't bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a cop!"

Score: 103

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?" Students: "Eggs!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Students: *"Homework!"*

Score: 94

I edited my pig's genes to make it taste better you might even say the bacon is CRISPR

Score: 89

Teacher Questions Student Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 86

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

Score: 77

What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede? Bacon and scrambled legs.

Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.

Score: 77

A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked... her class what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!"

Score: 75

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner... ...The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

Score: 72

Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

Score: 67

A man and his wife drove past the beautiful countryside... They saw a pig, rolling in the mud, so wife said: "Your relative?"

Man replied: "Yes, mother-in-law."

Score: 62

A teacher is teaching. Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)

Score: 61

One brave student... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig The F

Score: 58

What do you call a pig with three eyes? A piiig!

Score: 56

What is the most common use for pig skins? To keep the pig in one piece.

Score: 55

Hillary Clinton walks into a bar... Hillary Clinton walks into a bar with a pig on a leash.

The bartender looks at them and says "You can't bring that cow in here!"

Hillary replies, "It's a pig, not a cow."

The bartender says "I was talking to the pig."

Score: 53

I have a talking pig stuck to my fridge. It's a Babe magnet.

Score: 28

A husband and a wife were having dinner… … the wife dropped some tomato sauce on her top and said 'ugh, I look like a pig'.

The husband responds 'AND you have tomato sauce on your top!'

Score: 6

Did you hear about the pig that learned karate? I heard all his friends now call him pork chop.

Score: 4

Teacher: Kids, what do you get from the chicken? Kids: Eggs!
Teacher: Very good! Now what do you get from the fat pig?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what do you get from the fat cow?
Little Johnny: Homework!

Score: 4

A woman and a goose walk into a bar The bartender asks, "Why did you bring the pig into the bar?"
The woman answers, "Why, I do believe this is a goose not a pig!"
The bartender says, "I was talking to the goose!"

Score: 3

What do you get when you jack off a pig? Pulled pork.

Score: 3

After reading, 50 shades of grey, my wife asked to treat her like Anastasia ... so I got the Bolshevik secret police to murder her family and I sold her to a Russian pig farmer.

Score: 2

A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals... Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"

Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"

Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"

Class:"Homework!!!"

Score: 2

A friend of mine did not know the difference between Latin and Pig Latin He just thought Pig Latin was what fat Italians spoke.

(This is actually a true story.)

Score: 2

What did Shakespeare call the baby pig that he kept as a pet? Hamlet

Score: 2

Popular Topics

New Pig Jokes

One guy is returning from work with a duck under his shoulder. The husband opens the door and the wife greets him.

Wife: "Hello,honey."

Husband: "See, I have been f*cking this pig for a while."

Wife: "But, I see no pig?"

Husband: "I wasn't talking to you."

Score: 0

Did you hear about the pig that saved a man's life? There was this guy who was starving to death...

Score: 2

Why did the pig to to the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

Score: 2

What do people say when you mix rat, pig and human DNA? Hello congressman.

Not stolen!

Score: 2

What do you call a furry when you're about to take their virginity? A guinea pig

Score: 2

Fastest house pet in Italy? Lamborguinea Pig

Score: 2

A 14 year old Irish boy asked his grandfather for $10 Grandfather: “What do you need it for?”

Boy: “I want to get a guinea pig”

Grandfather: “Here’s 20$, go get yourself a nice Irish girl”

Score: 1

They named a whole year after you in china. The year of the pig

Score: 0

What do you call a pig with down syndrome? A hammy down

Score: 1

How do you make a pig pregnant? ... you pork one.

Score: 1

What do you call a pig with no legs in a veggie patch? A ham and salad roll

Score: 1

What do you call a pig stuck in a cactus? A porcupine.

Score: 2

What's it called when you insult a police officer? A pig roast...

Score: 1

Popular Topics