Hilarious Pig Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pig Jokes

What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig? Ones a heated yam, and ones a yeeted ham.

Score: 9763

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F

Score: 6689

"You want to see a pig with three eyes?" A piiig

Score: 1598

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?" Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 349

A woman walks into a butcher shop "How much for the pig's head?"

"Ma'am, that's a mirror"

Score: 340

A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?" The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."

The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.

"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"

Score: 250

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called? 'American'.



Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.



Score: 226

"My husband is such a pig. All I asked for was $100 for the beauty salon..." "He took a long look at me and gave me $300"

Score: 217

What do you name a tricky pig? Cunningham

Score: 197

What do a hot potato and a thrown pig have in common? One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

Score: 182

Teacher :) Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 156

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig the letter “f”

Score: 123

What's the difference between Trump and a Flying Pig? The letter F.

Score: 106

A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says "You can't bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a cop!"

Score: 103

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?" Students: "Eggs!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Students: *"Homework!"*

Score: 94

I edited my pig's genes to make it taste better you might even say the bacon is CRISPR

Score: 89

Teacher Questions Student Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 86

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

Score: 77

What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede? Bacon and scrambled legs.

Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.

Score: 77

A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked... her class what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!"

Score: 75

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner... ...The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

Score: 72

Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

Score: 67

A man and his wife drove past the beautiful countryside... They saw a pig, rolling in the mud, so wife said: "Your relative?"

Man replied: "Yes, mother-in-law."

Score: 62

A teacher is teaching. Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)

Score: 61

One brave student... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig The F

Score: 58

What do you call a pig with three eyes? A piiig!

Score: 56

What is the most common use for pig skins? To keep the pig in one piece.

Score: 55

Hillary Clinton walks into a bar... Hillary Clinton walks into a bar with a pig on a leash.

The bartender looks at them and says "You can't bring that cow in here!"

Hillary replies, "It's a pig, not a cow."

The bartender says "I was talking to the pig."

Score: 53

A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck... ...when a drunk staggered up to her and said, "Hey, where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied, "You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said, "Quiet, woman , I was talking to the duck!"

Score: 41

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"

Johnny: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Johnny: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Johnny: "Homework!"

Score: 36

Funny Jokes!!! Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 23

Eggs and bacon A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime's commitment for a pig.

Score: 22

What do you call a pig delivery service? Hamazon.

Score: 18

What do you call a pig with two eyes? A piig

Score: 17

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The f

Score: 17

What do you give a pig with a rash? Oink-ment!

Score: 16

What do you call a pig who knows karate? Pork chop

Score: 14

I dreamt of a cobalt blue pig last night. When I woke up I realized that it was just a pigment of my imagination.

Score: 13

New Pig Jokes

Did you hear about the pig that saved a man's life? There was this guy who was starving to death...

Score: 2

Why did the pig to to the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

Score: 2

What do people say when you mix rat, pig and human DNA? Hello congressman.

Not stolen!

Score: 2

Little Timmy goes up to Grandpa O’Malley and says... “Can I have 5 bucks for a guinea pig?”
Grandpa O’Malley says “here’s 10 bucks, go get yourself a nice Irish girl instead.

Score: 6

What do you call a furry when you're about to take their virginity? A guinea pig

Score: 2

Pig says oink, cow says moo. What does hostile takeover pigeon say? Coup.

Score: 11

What did Shakespeare call the baby pig that he kept as a pet? Hamlet

Score: 2

A woman and a goose walk into a bar The bartender asks, "Why did you bring the pig into the bar?"
The woman answers, "Why, I do believe this is a goose not a pig!"
The bartender says, "I was talking to the goose!"

Score: 3

What do you get when you jack off a pig? Pulled pork.

Score: 3

A friend of mine did not know the difference between Latin and Pig Latin He just thought Pig Latin was what fat Italians spoke.

(This is actually a true story.)

Score: 2

Did you hear about the pig that learned karate? I heard all his friends now call him pork chop.

Score: 4

Why was eating pig banned in early religions? It was blasphemeat.

Score: 2

You can put lipstick on a pig But no one is going to believe it's your girlfriend that has been missing for 2 weeks.

Score: 2

What is the difference between stabbing a man and killing a pig? One is assaulting with intent to kill; the other is killing with intent to salt.

Score: 2

Why was the pig late turning in his college essay? His printer was out of oink.

Score: 6

What’s the difference between an honest politician and a flying pig? There actually was a time when swine flu.

Score: 5

Why is a pig M. Night Shyamalan's favorite animal? Cause it has a little twist at the end.

Score: 9

In class... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 2

Teacher asks student Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 5

what do you call a pig that does karate? a pork chop.

Score: 2

What's a pig's most deadly fighting move? Porkchop

Score: 3

What's the difference between Trump and a flying pig? The 'f'

Score: 5

What's pink and goes "moo"? A pig with an identity crisis.

Score: 3

What do you call it when a pig makes fun of another pig? A ham-mock

Score: 2

What does a pig fill in it's pen? Oink

I'm sorry.

Score: 7

What do you call a male pig with no legs and delusions of being a weather forecaster? Groundhog

Score: 7

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with a pig? Jurassic pork

Score: 2

What animal likes to give a pig a ride on his back? A police horse.

Score: 2

What's more impressive than a counting pig? A spelling bee.

Score: 4

What's pink and hard? A pig with a flick knife

Score: 2

Why was the pig in the kitchen? He was bakin

Score: 5

A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals... Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"

Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"

Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"

Class:"Homework!!!"

Score: 2

What does a chicken give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework

Score: 5

Why does grape juice smell like pig? Because it's wine

Score: 3

If i spent as much time working as i did procrastinating TIL there is an island in the Bahamas called Pig Beach populated entirely by swimming pigs.

Score: 10

How does a pig write an essay? With a pen and oink.

Score: 7

How do you make a pig pregnant? ... you pork one.

Score: 1

What do you call it when you borrow money from a pig? A pork tender-loan

Score: 3

What do you call a pig with no legs in a veggie patch? A ham and salad roll

Score: 1

An elderly couple is having dinner at a restaurant. The wife spills soup on her blouse and says: "Oh no, I look a pig now."

Her husband responds: "Yeah, and you spilled soup on your blouse."

Score: 1

What do you call a pig stuck in a cactus? A porcupine.

Score: 2

How do you make a pig float? One cup pig, two scoops ice cream.

Score: 4

WHAT DO YOU CALL A FLYING PIG? Swine flu

Score: 2

Why didn't the pig cross the road? Becuase the chicken told him that everyone would make jokes out of him if he did.

Score: 4

What do you call a man mowing the lawn with a pig on his head? Mohamhed.

Score: 1

A Pig Walks Into a Bar A pig walks into a bar, orders 15 beers, and drinks them. The bartender asks, “Would you like to know where the bathroom is?” “No,” says the pig. “I’m the little piggy that goes wee-wee-wee all the way home.”

Score: 2

Dinner A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

Score: 9

What's a pig's favourite casino game? Porker.

Score: 4

What's it called when you insult a police officer? A pig roast...

Score: 1

Little Jimmy's father is mad at his son. "Jimmy, you're a pig," he says. "Do you know what a pig is?"

"Yeah," Little Jimmy says. "A pig is a hog's little boy."

Score: 2

A husband and a wife were having dinner… … the wife dropped some tomato sauce on her top and said 'ugh, I look like a pig'.

The husband responds 'AND you have tomato sauce on your top!'

Score: 6

What do you call a pig in a trailer? Pulled pork!

Score: 2

So a man goes to a movie theater While watching the movie, he looks to his right and sees what appears to be a pig.

"Are you a pig?", the man asks.

"Yes", replies the pig.

"Why are you at the movies?", the man asks.

"Well, I liked the book", replies the pig.

Score: 2

Somebody keyed my car.. They wrote "Cheater" and "pig" everywhere. I asked my girlfriend if she did it, and she said no. I don't know why anyone would write such a thing. I'll ask my wife when I get home tonight.

Score: 12

What do you get when you cross a pig and a Christmas tree? a porcupine

Score: 3

What do you call something that is half horse and half pig? A mounted police officer

Score: 4

Teachers be like... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Students: "Homework!"

Score: 4

What do you call a pig stuck in a topiary? A hedgehog.

Score: 4

Knock Knock Knock Knock

Who's there?

Oink.

Oink Who?

Make Up Your Mind...Are You A Pig or an Owl

Score: 2

After reading, 50 shades of grey, my wife asked to treat her like Anastasia ... so I got the Bolshevik secret police to murder her family and I sold her to a Russian pig farmer.

Score: 2