Pig Jokes

Contents

Funniest Pig Jokes

Funny Pig Jokes

Why did the pig cross the road? Because the chicken told him to teargas protestors for a photo-op

Teacher: "Kids, what does the fluffy chicken give you?" Students: Eggs!

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pink pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Students: "Homework!"

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?" Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?" The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."

The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.

"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called? 'American'.

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Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.

​

What do a hot potato and a thrown pig have in common? One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

Teacher :) Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig the letter “f”

A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says "You can't bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a cop!"

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?" Students: "Eggs!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Students: *"Homework!"*

So if a Chicken carries salmonella, and a Cow carries e-coli, what does a pig carry? A gun, a badge, and a "get out of jail free" card.

Teacher Questions Student Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede? Bacon and scrambled legs.

Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.

A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked... her class what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!"

Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

A teacher is teaching. Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig The F

One brave student... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

What do you call a pig with three eyes? A piiig!

What is the most common use for pig skins? To keep the pig in one piece.

Hillary Clinton walks into a bar... Hillary Clinton walks into a bar with a pig on a leash.

The bartender looks at them and says "You can't bring that cow in here!"

Hillary replies, "It's a pig, not a cow."

The bartender says "I was talking to the pig."

I took my dying pig to the vet Imagine my surprise when he said he had cured it .. he really knows his salt.

What does the fat cow give you? Teacher: "Kids,what does the little chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the squealy pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Why was the pig in the kitchen? It was bacon.

A pig goes to a bar and knocks back ten beers. "Need to know where the bathroom is? You've had quite a lot," asked the bartender.

"Nah," said the pig. "I'm the one that goes wee-wee-wee all the way home."

Teacher VS Student Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck... ...when a drunk staggered up to her and said, "Hey, where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied, "You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said, "Quiet, woman , I was talking to the duck!"

The teacher is asking a student a question. Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"

Johnny: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Johnny: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Johnny: "Homework!"

A teacher asks her student Teacher: What does a Bee gives us?

Student: Honey

Teacher: What does a cow gives us?

Student: Milk

Teacher: What does a fat pig gives us?

Student: Homework

Teacher:Kids,what does the chicken give you? Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

What do you call a pig that gets stuck in a bush? A hedge hog.

Teacher: "Kids, Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

A Man Walks Into His House With a Sheep Under His Arm... He finds his wife in the kitchen and says, "This is the pig I've been sleeping with when you're not around."

The wife says, "That's a sheep, not a pig you fool."

The husband says, "I wasn't talking to you."

There's a pig on the farm tanning... And the farmer walks up to him and says, "Hey pig, what are you laying out in the sun for?"

The pig then says, "Oh no reason, I'm just bacon!"

I am *very* proud of this joke.

I have a talking pig stuck to my fridge. It's a Babe magnet.

joke - Daily dose of laughter. Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Popular Topics

New Pig Jokes

What language did ancient Roman police speak? Pig Latin

Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied? Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham

Slightly tweaking a joke my 4 year old told me What do you call it when a pig picks its nose and wipes it on a cow?

A hambooger

Why did the pig cross the street? To clock in at the precinct

What do cows give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

What do you call if a pig is in a tug of war Pulled pork

Sorry if this is a repost. I'm new to this subreddit

What do you call a pig in kung fu class? Pork chop

What do you get when you cross a pig and a dinosaur. Jurassic Pork.

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop!... I'm sorry ;-;

What did the pig say to the spanish butcher? Porque

Today I saw the wurst thing happen to a pig I wish I never sausage a thing

Teacher:Kids what does a chicken give you Students: Eggs Teacher: Very good now what does the pig give you Kids: Bacon Teacher: Excellent now what does the fat cow give you Kids: Homework

What do you call pig who knows karate? Pork Chop

What do you call it when a pig is murdered? A ham-i-cide

A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. ​

He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f\*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."...

teacher and class Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Students: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Students: "Homework!"

What’s Pink and Hard? A Pig with a flick-knife.

Why wasn't the wild pig invited to any parties? Because everyone thought he was a boar.

What do you call a pig with 3 eyes? Piiig.

What is another term for "a pig in a blanket"? My mother-in-law on a cold day

In the winter a man says to his wife: "Should we get the pig inside, it is freezing out there." "But it stinks", says the wife to which the husband replies:
"He will get used to it!"

What’s Nothing in Pig Latin? ay

What do you call a pig that’s still sick? Uncured

What do you call a pig knight? Sir Loin.

A man walks into his house... A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you.

GREAT RAFFLE **First Prize:** A pig without a leg

**Second Prize:** A pig's leg

A girl goes into a bar A women goes into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. “Get that pig out of here!” Yells the bartender. “That’s not a pig, stupid,” she replies, it’s a duck! “I know says the bartender, I was talking to the duck

What sound does a French pig make? Oinque

How do you turn a pig into a fox? 8 beers.

What do you call a pig that knows karate? Pork chop.

Did you hear about the pig that saved a man's life? There was this guy who was starving to death...

What did the sheep say to the pig on Christmas Day? Fleece Navidad!

Why did the pig to to the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

What do you call a cooked pig that was beautiful? Baecon

What do you call a pig that can do karate? A Pork Chop.

Man Bear Pig isn't real. It's just an ALleGOREy.

What does a thieving pig say? Yoink.



My school was having a contest for the worst joke of the week and this was the best I had.

Bo started Pig Latin school Bo started Pig Latin school, but he had a very hard time saying his name.

The teacher eventually kicked him out of class because he couldn't "obey."

What do you call a wise pig who's also a lumberjack? A saw sage

What do you call it when a pig does karate? Pork chop

Popular Topics

Long Pig Jokes

Peggy Johnson was suing her neighbor, Dave, for harassment after he kept calling her "pig."

The two were fighting over their backyard borders, and so Dave took up to calling her a "pig." Peggy took him to court and sued him for harassment. The judge wanted to settle this immediately and issued an order for Dave to stop calling Peggy a "pig."

"Dave, I'm giving you a chance to walk away scot-free. However, you can no longer call Ms. Johnson a 'pig.' Understood?"

"Well... that doesn't seem fai- "

"-we can let this go to trial, you can spend thousands on lawyers, but if Ms. Johnson's attorneys can prove calling her a 'pig' leads to emotional damage, you'll end up owing a lot."

Dave paused. "OK, fine. Can I call a pig 'Ms. Johnson'?"

The judge looked over his notes. "Yes... you may call a pig 'Ms. Johnson' without fear of legal recourse."

Dave turned to Peggy and said "Good afternoon, Ms. Johnson."

A man was taken to court for calling an Honourable Minister a pig.

It was his first offence and the judge was in a good mood and decided to show mercy.

So he discharged him after warning him to desist from unguarded utterances in future.

The man removed his cap and thanked the benevolent judge profusely, ''Thank you, your lordship."
He continued, "Honestly sir, I didn't know it was wrong to call an Honourable Minister a pig. I won't do it again. I am sorry.''

''It's okay'', said the judge, ''you may go.''

''My lord, may I ask a question, sir?''

''Feel free'' answered the judge.

''Now I know it's wrong to call an Honourable Minister a pig...
But is it also wrong to call a pig Honourable Minister?''

Amused, the judge replied, ''I don't know why you would want to address a pig as a minister.
But I don't think the pig would mind. It's not unlawful, by the way.
Yes, you may call any pig Honourable Minister.''

The man smiled and nodded, then he turned to look pointedly at the Minister and said, ''Goodbye, Honourable Minister!"

Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road.

Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car. The chauffeur has no time to react, so he runs over the animal, killing it instantly. They get out of the vehicle, look around and spot a small farm in the distance. Trump says:

The pig probably came from there. You should at least tell them that you killed the pig...

So the chauffeur does as he's told. Few hours later, he comes out of the farmhouse, covered in lipstick kiss marks, and a champagne in each hand. Trump asks:

Jesus! What did you tell them?

What you told me to;

"Hi I'm Donald Trump's chauffeur, and I've just killed the pig!"

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.

“Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".

A horse named Boris.

Once upon a time, there was a horse named Boris.

Boris used to be a famous race horse. He'd won countless trophies, and was famous across the world.

Then, suddenly, at the peak of his career, Boris was involved in a horrible accident. Between races his private jet was hijacked and crashed, and only Boris survived. However, Boris was devastated. His friends, his family, and his colleagues had all been lost on one fell swoop.

"I'll never race again!" he vowed.

So Boris quit his job, and found an old farmer who agreed to take him in. Old Farmer John was his name, and he loved Boris like a son.

However, the incident in Boris' past had led him to a life of recluse. He was fearful that everything would go wrong again, and so he spent every day in the barn.

And Old Farmer John took pity on Boris, and so he decided something.

Every week, Old Farmer John would go onto the town to sell his produce. And every week, he would set aside a small amount of money for Boris.

And every week, he would buy Boris a present, in the hope that one day, he'd be reminded of the wonderful life outside the barn, and he'd be happy again.

One thing he bought Boris was a CD player.

Another was a brand new computer..

But the best thing he ever gave to Boris was this:

Ten gallons of beer.

Let me explain.

On his many trips to town, Old Farmer John would pass a pub. It was called The Fine Race Horse, and among those who drank there, it was famed for having the best beer... In the world.

But it was only a small pub, and as such it wasn't visited by very many people, and it one day went out of business.

And when Old Farmer John heard this, he immediately got up and went into town, and spoke to the old owner. And John agreed to buy all his remaining beer.

And so, John came back from town one day, and gave Boris the beer. He'd never seen Boris so happy. It made his heart rejoice.

And for months, Boris would talk about this beer, and how it was the best gift he'd ever been given.

But one day, Old Farmer John came home with a brand new guitar. And Boris remembered the CD player he'd been given, and he remembered his favourite songs.

And Boris picked up the guitar, and he began to play a song.

And he was __good__.

And after hearing his song, John went over to Boris and said

"that was the best thing I've ever heard. You should go out into town and see the record company about starting a band!"

At first, Boris was hesitant. But eventually, he decided that Old Farmer John was right. He'd been his barn for so long. But now it was time for him to rise to fame again!

So he packed a few things, and grabbed his guitar and got on the next bus into town.

And on the way, he met a pig.

The pig's name was David, and David could play the drums.

And just like Boris, David the pig was on his way into town trying to make his name as a musician.

So Boris said

"hey, why don't we team up and make a band, after all, we're both animals with a talent. We could be the next big thing!"

And David agreed, and the two of them continued on into town.

At the next stop, a Hen got onto the bus. And her name was Sophie, and Sophie liked to sing.

She knew all the words to all the songs in the world.

And so, Boris the Horse and David the Pig went over to Sophie the Hen and said

"hey, why don't we team up and make a band, after all, we're all animals with a talent. We could be the next big thing!"

And Sophie agreed, and the three of them went to the record store, and started their band.

And they were an instant hit. They became a worldwide phenomenon almost overnight. They scored TV deals and sponsorships, and once again Boris had reached the life of fame.

They toured with all sorts of other famous bands, appearing alongside the likes of The Rolling Stones and Electric Light Orchestra.

And then, one day, they got the biggest deal of their lives.

They got invited to go on a world tour. They would play their music in every country on earth. By the time they were done, the whole world would know their name.

And so, of they went, from one country to the next, playing their music every step of the way.

They played in every city and in every town. And the Horse, the Hen and the Pig became a household name.

And when they got back home, they knew, they had reached the peak of their careers.

And they kept touring, playing in many countries across the globe.

But one day, everything changed.

One day, before they were set to fly out for their next performance, Boris received a phone call from the hospital in his home town.

And he found out that Old Farmer John had passed away.

So he decided to head back home so could Bury the man he treated like a father. So he said to Sophie and David

"you go on ahead, I'll be with you in a day or two."

So the pig and the hen went of in their private jet, and Boris the Horse went home to Bury Old Farmer John.

But when he got home, he was in for a shock.

He received a call from his agent, and discovered that the private jet that David and Sophie were on had exploded in a freak accident, and there were no survivors.

And Boris was struck with grief.

For the second time in his life, he had lost everyone he loved.

And he became depressed, and stumbled into his old barn, and decided to take his own life.

But then he saw something that stopped him.

Because in the old barn, was the huge tank that once contained the 10 gallons of beer.

And so, Boris decided that instead of suicide, he would have a few drinks, and would go on and turn his life around.

So Boris goes into town, and sees the pub, The Fine Race Horse, and underneath the sign on the door, he sees another sign, saying "grand re-opening."

And Boris knows that this is where he will have his beers, and forget all his sorrows, and turn his life around.

And so Boris the Horse enters the bar. And the bartender takes a look at him, and he asks

"why the long face?"

Mahatma Gandhi's sass

When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him. Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him, as he expected…. there were always “arguments” and confrontations.

One day, Mr Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor said, “Mr Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat.”
Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, “You do not worry professor. I’ll fly away,” and he went and sat at another table.

Mr Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions. Mr Peters, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. “Mr Gandhi, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?”

Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, “The one with the money, of course.”

Mr Peters, smiling sarcastically said, “I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don’t you think?”

Gandhi shrugged indifferently and responded, “Each one takes what he doesn’t have.”

Mr Peters, by this time, was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Gandhi’s exam sheet the word “idiot” and gave it to Gandhi. Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.

A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, “Mr Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade.”

How the Germans bailed out Greece

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.

​

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

​

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

​

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

​

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

​

The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

​

The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.

​

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him 'services' on credit.

​

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.

​

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.

​

At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

​

No one produced anything.

No one earned anything.

However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

A guy, a pig, and a dog are the only survivors of a terrible shipwreck, and they find themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there for awhile, they get into a ritual of going to the beach every night to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle -- in short, a perfect night for romance! Well, that pig started looking better and better, and pretty soon the guy rolled towards the pig and put his arm around it. The dog was not very happy with this, and growled fiercely at the guy until he moved his arm away.

The three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there were no more efforts at cuddling. A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to good health.When she was completely well, they introduced her to their nightly beach ritual.

Then came another gloriously beautiful evening -- red sunset; delicate cirrus clouds; gentle, warm breeze -- again, perfect for romance. The guy started getting "those ideas" again, so he leaned over to the girl, and said,

"Um... would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

A Hindu, a Jew and a lawyer are traveling, taking a scenic route through the country when their car breaks down...

It's too late in the day to call a tow truck, so they walk up the road to a small farmhouse to ask for help.

They knock on the door and the farmer warmly greets them. They explain the situation and he says that he doesn't have he necessary equipment to tow them, but if they would like to stay, he has spare room for only two of them in the house. One would have to sleep in the barn.

Since they really have no option, the three men argue for a bit over who would be the one to sleep in the barn. The Jewish man volunteers to sleep in the barn and they all go to their respective beds.

About an hour later, there is a knock on the door. The farmer opens the door and finds the Jewish man who says "Forgive me for this. I didn't realize that there was a pig in the barn. I simply cannot stay there tonight." The farmer, understanding of this issue, says that it's fine, but there is still only room for two people in the house. So they all are awake and they argue again over who will sleep in the barn. This time the Hindu man says he will sleep in the barn. They all go to bed again.

Another hour passes and then comes another knock on the door. The farmer, slightly annoyed this time, opens the door to find the Hindu man, who apologetically says, "I didn't realize there was a cow in the barn. I cannot sleep there." Again, everybody is awake and there is not even an argument this time. The aggravated lawyer says, "Fine! Since you two are so picky, I guess I'll just sleep in the barn!" And they all go to bed again.

An hour passes, yet another knock on the door...

It's the pig and the cow.

A Jew, a Muslim, and a lawyer are driving on a rural road.

The car breaks down, leaving them stranded with no signal, so they leave the car and find a farmhouse.
They say to the man who answers the door, "Our car won't work and we need shelter for the night. Can you provide it?"
The farmer replies, "Of course. But there's only enough room in the house for two of you. The other will have to sleep in the barn."
The group decides to draw straws to see who will sleep in the barn. The Jew draws the short one and heads out. A few minutes later there's a knock at the door. The farmer opens it and the Jew is standing there.
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't sleep in that barn. There's a pig in there. In my religion, pigs are considered unclean."
Seeing the problem, the Muslim and the lawyer draw straws. The Muslim draws the short one and goes out to the barn, planning to ignore the pig. A few minutes later there's a knock at the door. The Muslim is standing there.
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't sleep in the barn. There's a dog in there, and in my religion dogs are considered unclean."
Feeling left with no choice, the lawyer agrees to go out to the barn. A few minutes later there's a knock at the door. The dog and the pig are standing there.

A woman sues a man for defamation of character...

A woman sues a man for defamation of character, charging that he called her a pig. The man is found guilty and made to pay damages.

After the trial, he asks the judge, “Does this mean that I can no longer call Ms. Harding a pig?”

The judge says,“That is correct.”

“And does it mean that I can’t call a pig Ms. Harding?”

“No,” says the judge,“you are free to call a pig Ms. Harding. There is no crime in that.”

The man looks Ms. Harding in the eye and says, “Good afternoon, Ms. Harding.”

The Horny Rooster

Horny Rooster

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.

When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"

So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Henry a little pep talk. "Henry", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Henry then strutted into the hen house.

Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house where he did the same.

The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Henry, you'll kill yourself." But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.

Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry.

The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you big buddy."

"Shhhhh," Henry whispered, "The buzzard is getting closer."

My Biology Professor told me this one

When Gandhi was studying law at the University College of London, a white professor, whose last name was Peters, disliked him intensely and always displayed prejudice and animosity towards him.
Also, because Gandhi never lowered his head when addressing him , as he expected.... there were always "arguments" and confrontations.



One day, Mr. Peters was having lunch at the dining room of the University, and Gandhi came along with his tray and sat next to the professor. The professor said, "Mr Gandhi, you do not understand. A pig and a bird do not sit together to eat."
Gandhi looked at him as a parent would a rude child and calmly replied, "You do not worry professor. I'll fly away," and he went and sat at another table.

Mr. Peters, reddened with rage, decided to take revenge on the next test paper, but Gandhi responded brilliantly to all questions. Mr. Peters, unhappy and frustrated, asked him the following question. "Mr Gandhi, if you were walking down the street and found a package, and within was a bag of wisdom and another bag with a lot of money, which one would you take?"



Without hesitating, Gandhi responded, "The one with the money, of course."



Mr. Peters , smiling sarcastically said, "I, in your place, would have taken the wisdom, don't you think?"

Gandhi shrugged indifferently and responded, "Each one takes what he doesn't have."

Mr. Peters, by this time was fit to be tied. So great was his anger that he wrote on Gandhi's exam sheet the word "idiot" and gave it to Gandhi. Gandhi took the exam sheet and sat down at his desk trying very hard to remain calm while he contemplated his next move.



A few minutes later, Gandhi got up, went to the professor and said to him in a dignified but sarcastically polite tone, "Mr. Peters, you signed the sheet, but you did not give me the grade."

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.

There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely...

The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."

The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"

That pig is a hero.

One day two farmers are chatting and farmer 1 notices that farmer 2 has an odd pig.
Farmer 1: "hey why does that pig over there only got three legs?"
Farmer 2: "oh that pig, he's a hero. bout a month ago there was a fire at my house and that pig came in, and pulled my whole family out of the house while we were sleeping."
Farmer 1: "oh, so it lost the leg in the fire?"
Farmer 2: "no, a pig like that you don't eat all at once."

Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House...

Trump’s being driven through a backroad out to the White House one night when suddenly, the car lurches to a halt.

The driver explains that a pig from a nearby farm wandered onto the road and he hit it.
Trump is a bit annoyed, but tells the driver, "Just go to their house, tell them you're my driver, and apologize."

A while later, the man returns, seeming incredibly satisfied. Trump asks how the family reacted, but the driver said they seemed in good spirits and even gave him some of their dinner.

Back on the road, the driver hits another pig that wandered onto the road.
He goes and tells the farmer's family, but when he comes back, he says the family was overjoyed and gave him a bottle of liquor.

The driver hits a third pig that was on the road, but this time, Trump secretly follows him to see why the people would be so happy.

When the farmer comes to the door, the driver announces, "I'm President Trump’s driver, the pig is dead!"

A Televangelist, a Rabbi and a Hindu were traveling together

They came across a farm and asked to spend the night there. The farmer said, “I only have room for two, someone will have to sleep in the barn.”

The Hindu volunteered. Moments later, there was a knock on the door. The Hindu said, “There is a cow in the barn. I can’t sleep on holy ground.”

“I will go” said the Rabbi. Moments later there was a knock on the door. “I can’t sleep with a pig, pigs are unkosher.”

So the Televangelist is sent out to the barn. Moments later, there was a knock on the door.

It was the pig and the cow.

A farmhand hits a pig with his truck

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"

"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off.

About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the wiggling pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."

"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn

He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

The Pig.

A man was walking in the country and saw a pig with a wooden leg sitting outside a barn. As he was pondering this, the pig's owner came along. The man asked the farmer how the pig got his wooden leg.

The farmer said, "Let me tell you, that is some pig! Our house caught fire last May, and he dragged my kids to safety!"

"Is that how he lost his leg?" the man asked.

"No," replied the farmer. "But a month ago, I almost drowned and that pig swam through icy water to pull me to shore!"

"So that's how he lost his leg," the man asked.

"Oh, no. And just a week ago, my wife's car slid off the road onto the train tracks. That pig broke through the window and helped her out just as a freight train came through!"
"So THAT'S how he lost his leg!" the man said.

"No, sir." "Then HOW did he lose it?" the man begged.

"Well sir," the farmer replied, "when you got a pig that terrific, you don't want to eat it all at once."

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