Contents
Contents
What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig? Ones a heated yam, and ones a yeeted ham.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F
Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
A woman walks into a butcher shop
"How much for the pig's head?"
"Ma'am, that's a mirror"
A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?"
The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"
If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?
'American'.
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Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.
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"My husband is such a pig. All I asked for was $100 for the beauty salon..." "He took a long look at me and gave me $300"
What do you name a tricky pig? Cunningham
What do a hot potato and a thrown pig have in common? One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
Teacher :)
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig the letter “f”
What's the difference between Trump and a Flying Pig? The letter F.
A pig with wings walks into a bar. Stunned, the bartender says "You can't bring food in here from another restaurant! Even if you are a cop!"
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Students: *"Homework!"*
I edited my pig's genes to make it taste better you might even say the bacon is CRISPR
Teacher Questions Student
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner.
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede?
Bacon and scrambled legs.
Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.
A teacher in a Chicago kindergarten class asked...
her class what kind of sound a pig makes.
Little Tyrone stood up and yelled: "FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!"
A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner...
...The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
A man and his wife drove past the beautiful countryside...
They saw a pig, rolling in the mud, so wife said: "Your relative?"
Man replied: "Yes, mother-in-law."
A teacher is teaching.
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)
One brave student...
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Do you know what animals give you?
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig The F
What do you call a pig with three eyes? A piiig!
What is the most common use for pig skins? To keep the pig in one piece.
Hillary Clinton walks into a bar...
Hillary Clinton walks into a bar with a pig on a leash.
The bartender looks at them and says "You can't bring that cow in here!"
Hillary replies, "It's a pig, not a cow."
The bartender says "I was talking to the pig."
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend? He was a boar.
A boy goes to his grandfather and asks him for 5 bucks to buy a Guinea pig. Grampa gives him ten and tells him to go find a nice Irish girl instead.
A husband and a wife were having dinner…
… the wife dropped some tomato sauce on her top and said 'ugh, I look like a pig'.
The husband responds 'AND you have tomato sauce on your top!'
What's a pig's favourite casino game? Porker.
Did you hear about the pig that learned karate? I heard all his friends now call him pork chop.
Teacher: Kids, what do you get from the chicken?
Kids: Eggs!
Teacher: Very good! Now what do you get from the fat pig?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what do you get from the fat cow?
Little Johnny: Homework!
A husband and wife are eating at a restaurant
The wife spills a bit of wine on her white top, and exclaims, "Oh no, I look like a pig!"
The husband turns away from the TVs, nods, and says, "And you spilled some wine!"
What should you do with your sick pig? make it into cured bacon
A woman and a goose walk into a bar
The bartender asks, "Why did you bring the pig into the bar?"
The woman answers, "Why, I do believe this is a goose not a pig!"
The bartender says, "I was talking to the goose!"
What do you call it when you borrow money from a pig? A pork tender-loan
One guy is returning from work with a duck under his shoulder.
The husband opens the door and the wife greets him.
Wife: "Hello,honey."
Husband: "See, I have been f*cking this pig for a while."
Wife: "But, I see no pig?"
Husband: "I wasn't talking to you."
Did you hear about the pig that saved a man's life? There was this guy who was starving to death...
Why did the pig to to the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What do people say when you mix rat, pig and human DNA?
Hello congressman.
Not stolen!
What do you call a furry when you're about to take their virginity? A guinea pig
Why did the pig go out to sunbathe?
It was bacon in the heat.
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(my son's joke... he has a bunch)
Fastest house pet in Italy? Lamborguinea Pig
A 14 year old Irish boy asked his grandfather for $10
Grandfather: “What do you need it for?”
Boy: “I want to get a guinea pig”
Grandfather: “Here’s 20$, go get yourself a nice Irish girl”
They named a whole year after you in china. The year of the pig
What did Shakespeare call the baby pig that he kept as a pet? Hamlet
What do you get when you jack off a pig? Pulled pork.
What do you get when you cook an itchy pig? Pork scratchings
What do you call an unhappy Iraqi pig? Sad ham.
What do you call an interstellar pig? HAM SOLO
A friend of mine did not know the difference between Latin and Pig Latin
He just thought Pig Latin was what fat Italians spoke.
(This is actually a true story.)
What did the farmer name the clever and scheming pig? Cunningham.
A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals...
Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"
Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"
Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"
Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"
Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"
Class:"Homework!!!"
How do you make a pig pregnant? ... you pork one.
What do you call a pig with no legs in a veggie patch? A ham and salad roll
What's it called when you insult a police officer? A pig roast...
After reading, 50 shades of grey, my wife asked to treat her like Anastasia ... so I got the Bolshevik secret police to murder her family and I sold her to a Russian pig farmer.