Helen Keller Jokes

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Funniest Helen Keller Jokes

Funny Helen Keller Jokes
Score: 14619

What did Helen Keller say when she picked up the cheese grater? That was the most violent book I've ever read...........

Score: 644

Why did Helen Keller mastutbate with one hand? So she could moan with the other.

Score: 503

Helen Keller....... Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as "The most violent book I've ever read".

Score: 389

Why does Helen Keller play piano with only one hand? Because she uses the other one to sing

Score: 289

Why can’t Helen Keller drive? She’s dead

Score: 184

What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? Endless love

Score: 183

Helen Keller walks into a bar Then into a chair

Then into a table

Score: 162

Helen Keller once described a cheese grater as... “The most violent book I have ever read”

Score: 131

(OC) What do you call Helen Keller punching someone? Senseless violence.

Score: 125

my dad told me this one Helen Keller walks into a bar, then a table , then a chair

Score: 123

Why could no one hear Helen Keller cry for help when she fell off a bridge? She was wearing mittens

Score: 101

Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she.

Score: 77

Helen Keller walks into a bar... Then she walks into a table. Then she walks into a chair.

Score: 70

Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand? Because she uses the other one to sing.

Score: 56

What did Helen Keller say after being handed a cheese grater? That's the worst book I ever read.

Score: 45

Did you know Helen Keller had a dollhouse? Neither did she.

Score: 37

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They rearranged the furniture.

Score: 37

Did you hear about the time Helen Keller fell down a well? Neither did she.

Edit:Alternate Punchline Below

She screamed her hands off.

Score: 35

Helen keller sets down a cheese grader and says... That was the most violent book i've ever read

Score: 35

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Cause she's a woman.

Score: 35

Helen Keller walks into a bar.... Then a chair, then a table.

Score: 34

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was a kid? Moved the furniture around.

Score: 33

Helen Keller walked into a bar Then a table.

Then a chair.

Score: 33

Did you hear about the shooting at Helen Keller's house? She didn't either.

Score: 33

Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if your name was "ARGHAGHRRAH!"

Score: 33

Why did Helen Keller play the piano with one hand? So she could sing with the other.

Score: 33

Did you know that Helen Keller had a swingset in her backyard? Neither did she.

Score: 32

Sing to the tune of "Yankee Doodle"... Helen Keller went to town,
A-ridin' on a pony,
Stuck a feather in her hat
and called it "Hunngunnggunufffungg"

Score: 32

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity? Somebody left the plunger in the toilet.

Score: 30

So Helen Keller walks into a bar... Then a table, then a chair.

Score: 30

Why is helen keller a bad driver? Because she's dead

Score: 29

Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? Neither did she.

Score: 29

What's Helen Keller's favorite color? Corduroy.

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Did you guys hear what happened to Helen Keller? Neither did she.

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Let's hear your best Helen Keller jokes. Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork. Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!

Score: 26

Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff? She was wearing mittens

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Why couldn’t Helen Keller Drive? Because she was a woman.

Score: 25

What do you get when you cross Helen Keller and a Zebra? A referee

Score: 25

So Helen Keller walks into a bar Then she walks into a table. Then she walks into a lamp. Then she walks into the wa- ok, you get the idea.

Score: 25

How do you surprise Helen Keller? Leave the plunger in the toilet

Score: 25

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New Helen Keller Jokes

What did Helen Keller's parents do when they caught her swearing? They washed her hands with soap.

Score: 2

Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set in her back yard? Yea nether did she.

Score: 5

Where did Helen Keller work all the live long day? The braille road

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So Helen Keller walks into a bar, and a table, and a chair.

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TIL Helen Keller has a waterfall named after her, to celebrate her story of learning about water. It's named Helen Keller Falls

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Why was Helen Keller such a terrible driver? She was a woman

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Why does Helen Keller have yellow legs? Because her dog is blind too.

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Why did Helen Keller’s husband yell at her? Because she wouldn’t listen.

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Are Helen Keller jokes allowed here? Or will they not be seen?

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Answer: Felt Forum Question: How did Helen Keller find her boyfriend's balls?

Score: 4

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity Granny forgot to remove the plunger.

Score: 3

Why can't Helen Keller play the piano? Because she's dead.

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Ahhhh Helen keller died when she fell down a well. They say she screamed until her fingers bled, but to deaf ears.

Score: 2

Helen Keller walked into a bar... And a wall, and a chair, and a table.

Score: 6

Why did Helen Keller’s belly button hurt? Her boyfriend was blind too.

Score: 2

What did Helen Keller call her kids? Muuurrghhrrhurrg.

Score: 3

What was Helen Keller's favorite color? Corduroy

Score: 9

2 guys are talking G1: Why can't Helen Keller drive?

G2: Because she's blind?

G1: No, cause she's a woman.

Score: 1

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Nether did she.

Score: 2

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? He couldn't stand being named "uhhhaughughhh!"

Score: 2

Why did Helen Keller have bruises on her belly? Her boyfriend was blind too.

Score: 5

what did Helen Keller‘s parents do when she was bad? They made her read a cheese grater.

Score: 2

Helen Keller Did you know Helen Keller had a playground...
neither did she

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Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They're painful to look at.

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How do Helen Keller's parents punish her? They move the furniture.

Score: 4

What’s Helen Keller’s favorite color Velcro

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Guys please stop making jokes about Helen Keller. They’re just plain senseless.

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? Rearranged the furniture

Score: 4

Why can't Helen Keller drive? B̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶w̶o̶m̶a̶n̶.̶


Because she is dead

Score: 4

Did you know Helen Keller had a huge playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she.

Score: 3

It's no where near 2020. . and I'm already making Helen Keller jokes

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Helen Keller once farted during a lecture on genetic hearing loss.. The science in the room was deafening.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a dollhouse in her bedroom? Neither did she.

Score: 5

Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she!

Score: 1

Why was Helen Keller surprised by the bukkake? She didn’t see it coming

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Did you know that Helen Keller had a parrot? Yeah, neither did she.

Score: 14

Helen Keller walks into a bar Then a chair, and then the wall

Score: 3

Helen Keller I ask my wife, "Why can't Helen Keller drive?"

She replies immediately, "Duh, because she's blind and deaf."

"No, it's because she's dead."



(Please comment your best Helen Keller jokes!)

Score: 8

What was the most violent thing Helen Keller ever read? The cheese grater.

Score: 3

Why can't Helen Keller drive well? She's dead.

Score: 1

Who would you rather have as a QB? Blake Bortles or Hellen Keller? Answer: Helen Keller, she can at least read a defense in Braille

Score: 2

Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell of a cliff? Because she was wearing her mittens.

Score: 4

How do you punish Helen Keller? You plunge the toilet and leave the plunger in.

How many kids does Helen Keller have?


None. It's stuck.

Score: 1

Why is Helen Kellers leg yellow? Her dog is blind to.

Score: 1

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead!

Okay, okay...why couldn't she drive when she was alive?

Because she was a woman.

Score: 4

If Helen Keller is playing the piano with one hand, what is she doing with the other? Singing!!!

Score: 3

I never knew Helen Keller had a swing set in her backyard... Neither did she

Score: 3

What was the last thing Helen Keller said before she died? Nothing, she was wearing mittens.

Score: 3

Why was Helen Keller such a lousy driver? Because she was a woman.

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Why would Helen Keller make a bad driver? Because she’s dead.

Score: 6

How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her as a kid? *They left the plunger IN the toilet*

Score: 5

Did you hear the one about Helen Keller? Neither did she!
I bet you saw that coming, because she didn’t.

Score: 1

Why did Helen Keller get run over by a train... Because she was standing on the train tracks

Score: 3

How did Helen Keller burn her cheek? She mistook the iron for a telephone.

How did she burn the other cheek?
They called back.

Score: 1

Did you know Helen Keller had a dog and a cat? Neither did she!

Score: 5

What’s the most violent book Helen Keller ever read? A cheese grater

Score: 6

Why did Helen Keller fire her housekeeper? She left the plunger in the toilet.

Score: 3

How do you punish Helen Keller? Put her in a circular room and tell her there’s a penny in the corner.

Score: 3

Did you know Helen Keller had a playground? Neither did she.

Score: 1

How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her as a child? They told her to sit in the corner of a circular room.

Score: 4

Helen Keller walks into a bar And a table and a chair and a lamp....

Score: 3

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