Tumblr Jokes


Funniest Tumblr Jokes

Funny Tumblr Jokes

For health reasons, my doctor says I should avoid trans fats I'm gonna miss tumblr

My doctor advised me to stay away from trans fats. I guess I should really get off Tumblr

My doctor told me to stay away from trans fats. Guess I can’t go on tumblr anymore.

Why is Tumblr so unhealthy? It's full of trans fats.

My doctor says I need to avoid trans fats I'm really going to miss Tumblr

What does Tumblr and KFC's chicken have in common? They both contain high amounts of trans fats.

Why do tumblr users make for poor gunmen? They are afraid of triggers.

My doctor said I should avoid trans fats So I stopped going on tumblr

Why is Tumblr bad for you? Because it contains too much Transfat.

If Tumblr was edible It would have alot of trans fat

My doctor told me to start avoiding trans fats So I stopped going on tumblr

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending!

(This has been my favorite joke for years, so I thought I’d share! :) Pretty sure I originally saw if from a tumblr post, it’s not my original joke)

My doctor told me to remove trans fats... Who knew removing my tumblr app would get me back to proper health?

my doctor told me to eat more taco bell well actually he said “less mcdonalds” but i’m pretty sure i know what he meant

src: tumblr

What do nutrition labels and tumblr have in common? They're both full of trans fats

Many of my tumblr friends identify as otherkin. Be it wolfkin, eaglekin or yes even fantasykin. I myself identify as a jedi. So I'm forcekin.

What's the difference between tumblr and a gun? The gun has only one trigger

Leather armor is the best for sneaking. Its literally made of hide.

OG joke from Tumblr dont know from who

My doctor told me to stay away from transfats So I can't go on Tumblr

Tumblr is like junk food They're both filled with trans fat.

What class does Tumblr hate the most? Biology ?

How are tumblr users opposite from police officers? Tumblr users are trigger happy around white men.

What kind of drugs to tumblr users take? Anti-oppressants.

What do you call it when a school is made for Tumblr teens? Edgy-cation....

I’m sorry

My nutritionist told me to avoid Trans Fats I'm gonna miss Tumblr so much.

EDIT: Execution.

Apparently some people on Tumblr say they're sexually attracted to elements on the periodic table. That's not really my thing ... except for that time in college when I experimented with carbon dating.

Why is Tumblr so odd? Because they can't even.

What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish market? "Is this a tumblr meetup?"

What does Tumblr and cake have in common? They're both full of trans fats.

What do you get when you cross Tumblr with anything? A bunch of offended Tumblrinas

What kind of computer does the Tumblr servers run on? Not a binary one, thats for sure.

I wonder what will be bigger The video games of the future or the average Tumblr user

Favorite Mythological Creature Someone on tumblr who isn't oppressed

What do you call a sleepy Tumblr user? Napkin.

It makes sense that tumblr is against whites with dreadlocks After all, these are the *dreaded* white people they're always talking about.

How many Tumblr women does it take to change a light bulb? I WILL NOT BE A VICTIM!

Where do Tumblr users go to pray? The Cis-Teen Chapel

What's the difference between Donald Trump and tumblr One's a moronic waste of space with no understanding of how the American political system works, and a borderline fetishistic hatred of Hillary Clinton. The other is Donald Trump

Did you hear about the feminist remake of Stephen King's Carrie? When Carrie gets drenched in blood, she runs home from the prom and writes an angry Tumblr post about how triggered she is.

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New Tumblr Jokes

What do you call a hipster that does gymnastics? A Tumblr

My doctor told me to stop having to much transfats Boy, I’m gonna miss Tumblr

Why isn't Tumblr considered social media? Because everyone on there is just talking to themselves.

So a Tumblr user walks into a bar... and angrily writes a callout post on the rod that assaulted them.

If you are what you eat... Then whales must be pretty popular among Tumblr uses

Why should you avoid tumblr when your on a diet Because, it's full of trans fats

edit add a coma

what do Tumblr users and fungi have in common? they both have over 60 thousand genders

Whats the difference between Tumblr and abortion? Planned Parenthood.

Why aren't Tumblr users good farm contractors? Because they always take a fence

Why shouldn't you listen to tumblr SJWs? Because trans fats are bad for you.

What do KFC and Tumblr have in common? Transfats

People on Tumblr have PTSD Potty Trained and Socially Disordered

Why do people in tumblr like quantum computing? Because it's non binary

Why did the Tumblr user get cut up on Halloween? She identified as pump-kin.

What did the tumblr user do when she got arthritis? Massage a knee.

What would you call a Tumblr SJW becoming a Jedi? Other-kin Skywalker.

How many tumblr users does it take to change a lightbulb? Light is triggering, shitlord. DOWN WITH THE BULBTRIARCHY

OMG! Tumblr app actually works now! And the world was not prepared for the greatest April Fools prank of all time. Everyone from the US to Africa immediately grabbed their smartphones and futilely attempting to post a selfie to Tumblr.

Did you hear about the white Slovakian tumblr user? He had to Czech his privelige.

Why do people in tumblr walk around in odd numbers? Because they can't even

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Long Tumblr Jokes

I was about to propose to my girlfriend

I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped, and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now I don't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let's say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.

Joseph had gotten a big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those big cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend.

Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together, leaving me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.

In conclusion, if it hadn't been for Joe with his cotton eye, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?

edit: credit to tumblr user chefpyro

My dad and i were driving past a cemetery

When suddenly my dad said in a serious toned voice

"I know something you don't know about this place.The people living in this town aren't allowed to be buried in here"

And i was really confused so i asked why and he said

"Because they are still alive."

Original: tumblr user @hello.

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake.

For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich, and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy, and sent only 10 knights, each with 2 squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor, and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight's armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Credit goes to a friend who found it on tumblr

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were going camping.

They set up their tent, started a campfire, and laid down their sleeping bags inside of the tent. After a few hours of playing cards and joking by the fire, they extinguished the fire and went to sleep. Holmes awoke Watson in the middle of the night and they looked up at the starry night sky.

"Watson, look at the sky, what do you see?"

"I see thousands of shining stars, and it's hard to believe how many millions of billions of miles away they are from us." replied Watson.

"And what is else can you infer?" said Holmes.

"Well, if our sun is just a mere star among trillions, then we can safely assume there are billions of planets out there, and planets like Earth. And then life in the cosmos is a possibility."

"Watson, you dumbass, someone stole our tent."

Edit: saw this on a tumblr post and couldn't find it, rewrote it and full credit goes to OP of that post.

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve noble gasses here". He doesn't react, because living a society that systematically discriminates against noble gasses has taught him that getting angry will only bring violence upon him. He totally writes an angry tumblr post about it later that evening though.

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