Nun Jokes

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Funniest Nun Jokes

Funny Nun Jokes

What do you call a nun on a bicycle? virgin mobile

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like a choir boy.

Nun joke Two nuns were bicycling down an old dirt road on the countryside. One nun says, "I've never come this way before." The other replies, "It's the cobblestones."

Three nuns are sitting on a bench when a naked guy walks past The first nun has a stroke, the second nun has a stroke, but the third nuns arm is just too short to reach

Did you hear about the nun who procrastinated doing her laundry? She had a filthy habit

The word nun is just the letter n... ...doing a forward roll.

What do you call a wheelchair-bound nun who lives high up on a mountain? A) High roller
B) Virgin mobile
C) Nun of the above

How do you get a nun pregnant? You dress her up as an altar boy..

A pair of Scottish nuns were riding in a cab in Edinburgh, and one turned to the other saying, "I've never come this way before." The other nun smiled and said... "Aye, it's the cobblestones."

A virgin nun gets pregnant.... And she's sure it's not a miracle pregnancy so she bursts into the priests chambers and yells out "which of you fuckers has been wanking on the candles?"

What do you call a nun that sleepwalks? A Roamin' Catholic.

What does a teenager with a lisp and a nun have in common? Faith book

nuns have desires too two nuns were riding their bicycles through the back streets and alleys of rome.

one turns to the other and says, "i've never come this way before".

the other nun says, "it's the cobblestones".

How do you bang a nun in Alabama? Tell her you're God, which makes you her Father, then it's business as usual.

What do you call a nun that walks in her sleep? A roamin' Catholic.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun ? Roamin' Catholic

What's the difference between a Nun in Church and a Nun in the bath One has Hope in her Soul the other has Soap in her Hole.

Two nuns go out for a bike ride They wander through the old part of town.

One nun says, "I've never come this way before."

The other nun says, "It's the cobblestones."

I saw a Nun with her clothes inside-out today... I asked her about it, and she said it was *a bad habit of hers*

Two nuns are biking down a cobblestone path... ...when one nun says to the other, "I've never come this way before."
The other nun replies, "Must be the cobblestones."

So there are three nuns walking down the street and a streaker runs by... The first nun has a stroke, the second nun has a stroke, but the third, the third nun doesn't touch him.

What's black, white, red, and has trouble going through a revolving door? A nun with a spear through her head.

Why was the nun hooked up to an IV of holy water? She was taking god's name in vein.

Two nuns are riding their bikes through some old Roman streets. “I’ve never come this way before," the younger nun says.

The older one replies, "It's the cobblestones."

Three nuns are sitting on a bench when a flasher revealed himself to them. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, and the third nun couldn't reach.

Three nuns are sitting on a park bench... ...when a man in a trenchcoat walks up and flashes them.

The first nun has a stroke.

The second nun has a stroke.

The third nun couldn't reach.

A man flashes two old nuns on a bench. The first nun has a stroke The second couldn't quite reach

Two nuns were riding their bicycles through the back streets of Rome... One turns to the other and says, "I've never come this way before."

The other nun says, "It's the cobblestones."

At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second. Coincidently, that’s how the Catholic Church ranks it’s priorities.

What did the nun wear to the casino? Her gambling habit.

How do you get a Nun pregnant? Dress her up as an Altar Boy

3 little old nuns are sitting on a park bench when a flasher flashes them the first nun has a stroke,
the second nun has a stroke,
the third nun couldn't reach

How do you get a Catholic nun pregnant? Dress her as a choirboy

what do you call a nun on a wheelchair? virgin mobile

A priest is walking down the street... And a hooker shouts and says, "$20 for a handjob!", but the priest keeps walking.
Later that day, the priest asks a nun "what is a handjob?"
The nun replies, "$20, same as in town"

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her as an altar boy.

What's black and white and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a spear through her head.

What do you call a nun that is going for a walk? A roamin catholic

Three nuns are sitting in the park... ...when a man comes up and flashes them.

The first nun has a second stroke, the second nun has a stroke, but the third couldn't quite reach it.

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New Nun Jokes

What’s black and white and red all over? A nun with stab wounds.

Nun joke. How many problems does a religious woman have?

Nun.

Two nuns were riding their bikes back to the church. The first nun suggests they take a detour down a back alley. A few minutes later the second nun says, “I’ve never come this way before.” The first nun says, “It’s the cobblestones.”

Two nuns sat on a park bench when a man ran up in a trench coat and flashed them One nun instantly had a stroke... the other couldn’t quite reach it

The Nuns robes The Nun had tried ever so hard to change the colour of her old robes but to no avail. I guess old habits dye hard.

It’s ok to kiss a nun As long as you don’t get into the habit.

=======================================

(Apologies if this is a repost. One of my favorite jokes. I’ve never seen it here, but for all I know it’s reposted regularly.)

The local nun has always been washing and hanging her clothes outside the church every other day for decades. But recently, when it came time to collect the dried clothes, it was at least -30C and she just broke her habit.

I knew a nun once who was addicted to wearing clothes a third of her size. I never could figure out how she got into the habit.

What do you call a nun with gonorrhea? A burning bush!

Mother Superior Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'

'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of Chardonnay.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A holy roller

What is the difference between a nun at prayer and a nun in the bath? When a nun is at prayer her soul is full of hope.

What do you call a nun who passed her driving test? Virgin Mobile

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile. Sorry if this has been posted before, I can’t remember.

What do you call a nun who is a washing machine? Sista Matic

What's Black and White and Red all over? A nun falling down a flight of stairs.

Why is it dangerous to be in a car with a nun driving? They’re not afraid to die and go to heaven

What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in the shower? One of them, has hope in her soul.

What does a nun and a gremlin have in common? they're both not allowed to get wet

Two nuns were sitting on a bench when they saw a flasher. One nun had a stroke. The other couldn’t reach.

Well made nun clothes are actually more easily torn apart than poorly made ones. Bad habits are hard to break.

Two nuns are riding their bikes to church The one nun says to the other "I dont beleive I've ever came this way". To which the other nun replies "oh dear sister, it's the cobblestones "

Two nuns are bicycling down a street and one nun says, "I've never come this way before." Other nun says, "Meh, me neither. Must be the cobblestones."

A nun sees eight Your words.

A man wearing a trench coat, with nothing on underneath, walks up to 3 nuns sitting on a park bench. The first 2 nuns were so appalled they gasped and fainted. The 3rd nun had a stroke.

A pirate, two giraffes, a duck and a nun walk into a bar.. The bartender says
"Is this some kind of joke?"

What does a nun do in her free time? Thats nun of your business.

What do you call a nun that goes for long walks? A Roamin' Catholic

What’s the difference between a nun and a girl in a bath One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole

What do you call a nun that's also a lawyer? A sister in law

How many popes will you see in your life? Propably nun

Two Nuns Are Riding Bikes On A Cobble Stone Street The first nun says to the second nun, "I've never come this way before." And the second nun says, "It's probably the cobble stone."

What do you call a nun that becomes a lawyer? A sister in law.

Whats the difference between a nun praying and a nun in the bath? One has hope in her soul... the other has soap in her hole

What's black and white, red all over, and can't turn around in a hallway? A nun with a spear through her

(Told this to a nun in highschool during class. She threw a blackboard eraser at me but laughed)

What’s black and white and can’t turn around in an elevator? A nun with a javelin through her head.

I tried dating a Nun once. But I just couldn’t get into the habit.

What is the difference between a nun praying and a nun in the bath? Ones got hope in her soul.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun ? A roamin' Catholic

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Oh look there's the door...bye

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair.. A virgin mobile

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Long Nun Jokes

There's a little-known legend about Attila the Hun...

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.


But his snake lost its appetite, and soon stopped eating altogether; perhaps due to the stress of frequent travel and an irregular diet.


Wishing to save his prized pet, Attila sought help from the local chirurgeons and witch doctors. None of them could do anything for him, until a wizened sage suggested feeding the serpent only young female virgins.


Attila was pleased with this idea, and was delighted to find that a city he had raided just happened to have a Christian convent with a convenient supply of the recommended food for his pet.


But the snake refused to eat, or even touch any of the consecrated virgins from the convent. Enraged, Attila sent for the soothsayer who advised him to have him executed.


Standing before Attila, the old man calmly said, "Before thou killest me, may thee first bring the snake and one of the women to me."


Curious, Attila did as he asked.


Then the old man took some bread and gave it to Attila.


"Now hold these in both hands," he instructed.


Attila did so, and as soon as he did, the snake let out a terrifying hiss, and swallowed the virgin whole.


To an amazed Attila, the old man simply said,


"Thy anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, Hun."

Two priests are in a shower.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from other city heading his way.

Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap.

"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".

To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.

Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens.

So she gives several more tugs, then yells:

"Holy Mary, Mother of God! LIQUID SOAP TOO!"

A soldier ran up to a nun

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."
The nun agreed...
A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"
The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria."
The nun said, "I understand completely."
The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."

A nun at a Catholic School was asking her 10 year old students what they wanted to be when they grew up.

"Susie, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Susie said "I want to be a doctor."

"Very nice," the nun said. "Jenny what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Jenny said "I want to be a teacher."

"Excellent answer," the nun replied. "Martha what are you going to be when you grow up."

Martha replies "I want to be a prostitute."

Hearing that the nun faints.

The little girls all rush forward to the nun laying on the ground and try to help her. Shortly the nun regains consciousness And says in a weak voice "Martha what did you just say you wanted to be when you grew up?"

Martha says "I said I wanted to be a prostitute."

"Oh thank goodness," the nun said "for a moment I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant."

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. i'll explain later."

The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"

The nun replied, "He went that way."

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt said " I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria."

The nun said, "I understand completely."

The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls.... I don't want to go to Syria either."

A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking.

In self-defense the man says, “Who told you that drinking is bad?”

Nun : "Mother Superior told me."

Man : "So, have you ever tried it?"

Nun : "No, I haven’t ever taken a drink of hard liquor."

Man : "Well, don’t criticize me if you haven’t tried it. I’ll tell you what if you try it and don’t like it, I’ll give up drinking for life."

Nun : "Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don’t want people thinking I’m drinking."

The man goes up to the bartender and says, “Bring me a couple of shots of vodka but bring one of them in a tea cup.”

The bartender looked at the man and said, “Is that nun in here again?”

A nun is standing outside a pub...

...and a man comes round the corner, planning to grab an after-work bevy. The nun immediately points at him, and intones:

"Before you enter this den of sin and debauchery, think of your mother and father!"

The man wipes away a tear, and says "They're dead, God bless 'em. They're dead, in heaven."

"Well," says the nun, "Then think of the damage the alcohol will do to your brain!"

"What? What are you talking about?" the man asks. "Have you ever had a drink?" The nun says she has not. "Then how can you talk to me about alcohol? I'll tell you what I'll do," he continues, "I'll buy you a drink, and after you've drunk it, *then* you can talk to me about alcohol. What'll you have?"

"I don't know," says the nun. "What do ladies usually drink?"

"Gin," he replies.

"Oh, alright," she says. "But - but can you put it in a cup, so nobody notices." The man nods and walks into the bar, calling out to the bartender.

"Bartender! I'll have a beer, and a double gin in a cup!"

"It's that bloody nun outside again, isn't it?"

A blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy in the train...

Four people are sitting in the passenger car of a train. A hot blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy. The train goes into a tunnel, there's total darkness for a brief moment, and all you can hear is a loud slap. As the train is leaving the tunnel, sunlight lights the scene up, and a confused french is holding his burning red cheek and looking around.
The nun is thinking to herself "This scumbag probably tried to touch the blonde and she slapped him."
The blonde is thinking "That scumbag was probably trying to touch me, touched the nun by accident and she slapped him."
The french guy is thinking "I bet the brit was trying to touch one of them, they thought it was me and slapped me!"
The brit is thinking "Next tunnel, I'm gonna slap him even harder."

A cabbie picks up a nun....

She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.


He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".


She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."


"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that. But first, you have to be single and you must be Catholic."


The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"


"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley, "maybe we will see what we can do."


The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.


"My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?"


"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."


The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Nun in a taxi...

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, ''I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.

She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.''

''Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.''

She responds, ''Well, let's see what we can do about that: first, you have to be single and second, you must be Catholic.''

The cab driver is very excited and says, ''Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!''

The nun says ''OK, pull into the next alley.''

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. ''My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?''

''Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.''

The nun says, ''That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party.''

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight
and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.


SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster
than man with his pants down.

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It was getting dark and they were still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all
led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back
to earth and be anyone you wish to be.”

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren." And ‘poof’ she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna and ‘poof’ she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Alberta Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?", he asks

"Alberta Pipalini," replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't
ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and
says, "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Alberta Pipeline' that was laid by
1,400 men in 6 months."

A newly ordained priest...

A newly ordained priest is walking down the street on his way to his assignment at a parish in the bad part of town. On his way he sees a prostitute who says "Hey father, how about a blow job. $25."

The young priest shyly hurries along past the woman.

Further down the street another prostitute propositions him.

"Blow job, father? $25"

Again he hurries past the lady of the evening. He eventually arrives at the parish door and is met by the Mother Superior. The old nun shows him around the church and rectory explaining where he will be living, when meals are served, and the Sunday mass schedule. As she is about to leave the young priest to settle into his quarters, she asks if he has any questions.

Thinking about his experience on the way to the church, he asks,
"Mother Superior, what's a blow job?"

The old nun answers, "$25, same as they charge on the street."

A soldier ran up to a nun

A soldier ran up to a nun, Out of breath he asked,


"Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."


The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police officer ran
up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"


The nun replied, "He went that way."


After the Military Police officers ran off, the soldier crawled out
from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough
Sister.



You see, I don't want to go to war to Iraq .



The nun said, "I understand completely."



The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a
great pair of legs!"



The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you
would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go
to Iraq either!

Two nuns.....

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

My grandma told me this joke and I felt like I needed to share it.

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer cooler. One nun said to the other, "Wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?"

The second nun answered "Indeed it would Sister, but I wouldn't feel comfortable buying beer as I am certain that it would cause a scene at the checkout counter."

"I can handle that without a problem" she replied as she picked up a six pack and headed for the checkout.

The cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six pack of beer.

"We use beer for washing our hair" the nun said, "A shampoo, of sorts, if you will."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks and placed them in the bag with the beer. He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said "The curlers are on the house."

The Nun

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please may I hide under your skirt? I will explain later."

The nun agreed. A moment later Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier run by here?"

The nun replied, "Nope, not today sir, god bless you" After the Police ran the other direction the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, you see, I don't want to go to war in Iran." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope this isn't rude sister but you have a great set of legs!"

The nun replied "Well, If you had looked a little higher you would have seen a great pair of balls... I don't want to go to Iran either!"

Soap

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers.

He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.

Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then yells "Holy Mary, Mother of God, HAND LOTION TOO!"

Nun joke we used to tell back when I was in catholic school

Back in the Mexican revolution a bunch of armed men enter a convent and start rounding up all of the nuns in the cafeteria. The leader of the bandits starts yelling:

"We are part of the Pancho Villa army and it is our right to take what we want! We want all of your food and supplies!"

Sister Mary yells from the back: Not the chickens, please, not the chickens!

"I said ALL of your food and supplies!" replied the bandit. "Plus, we are going to rape everyone of you!"

"Not Superior Sister Prudence, please! She's 80 years old!" yelled sister Mary again.

Before the bandit could say anything there was a commotion in the back. It was Superior Sister Prudence making her way to the front yelling: "He said EVERYONE!".

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