Italian Jokes

Contents

Funniest Italian Jokes

An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"

Score: 10089

A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother... They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!

They named him Ravi O. Lee

Sorry

Score: 2538

People get impressed when I tell them my home is designed by a famous Italian. Until I invite them home and they realize I live in a Fiat.

Score: 2115

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
We cannoli do so much.
His legacy will be a pizza history.




Edit: Thank you for getting this on the front page!

Score: 1636
Funny Italian Jokes
Score: 591

Why are so many Italian men named Tony? When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...

Score: 440

What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian? One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.

Score: 372

Why should you always knock on your fridge door before opening it? Because there could be an Italian dressing inside.

Score: 255

What do you call an Italian with a broken arm? Speech impaired.

Score: 250

My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle

Score: 221

What do you call an Italian hooker? A PASTA-tute!

I am so sorry.

Score: 205

I think I was Italian, in a pasta life.

Score: 201

Why couldn't the Italian explain himself to the police? He was handcuffed.

Score: 150

How do you talk to a dead Italian? with a luigi board

Score: 141

What do you call an Italian Jedi? Obi Wan Cannoli.

Don't worry, I'll see myself out.

Score: 139

Did you hear about the famous Italian chef that recently died? He pasta way.

Score: 137

What's a specimen? An Italian astronaut :-D

Score: 129

The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza. Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.

Score: 126

What do you call a poor Italian community? a spaghetto.

Score: 116

What did the Jedi order at the Italian restaurant? Only one cannoli.

Score: 108

What does an Italian have when he is missing one arm? A severe speech impediment.

Score: 103

What do you call the Italian slums? The spaghettos.

Score: 95

Did you hear about the Italian chef? He pasta way :(

Score: 92

I'm dating an Italian bricklayer. It's cement to be.

Score: 86

What do you call an Italian with two broken hands? Mute

Score: 80

Did you hear about the woman who died in an Italian restaurant? She pasta way.

Score: 77

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. Although we cannoli do so much, he will forever be a pizza history. His wife? Cheese still not over it. Just goes to show here today, gone tomato. Lets send olive our prayers to the family.

Score: 75

Don't be racist, be like Mario... He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

Score: 66

I was at an Italian restaurant last Friday... Me: "I'll just have the Paggione".
Waitress: "That says 'page one', sir."

Score: 62

What do you call an Italian man without arms? A mute.


Sorry if repost.

Score: 60

How much dessert does a dieting Jedi eat at an Italian restaurant? Only one cannoli.

Score: 45

Did you hear about the girl who died in the Italian restaurant? She pasta way.

Score: 44

I once knew an Italian born with a toe growing out of his knee. So his mom, being hilarious, named him.... Just kidding, she left him at the hospital.

Score: 21

What does an Italian have when one arm is shorter than the other? A speech impediment.

Score: 18

My Italian girlfriend bet me I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

Score: 14

What did a laid-back Italian cop say to a speeding driver? That's a fine.

Score: 11

What do you say when you get cornered by a gang of Italian prostitutes? "Uh-oh, spaghetti hoes!"

Score: 10

What do you call an Italian moose on an incline Moose-a-leani

Score: 9

I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please. Oops. Wrong sub.

Score: 7

TIFU by accidentally giving my vegetarian girlfriend my Italian Sandwich from quizno's instead of her Veggie Delight Sandwich. Oops wrong sub.

Score: 7

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New Italian Jokes

Did you hear about the dead Italian? I don't know how he died. He just kinda pasta way.

Score: 0

Had Corona virus occurred prior to 1997 and the Chinese covered it up It would have been called the Italian Flu instead of the Wuhan virus.

Score: 0

What does an Italian call an annoying British politician? A Pesci-Torrey

Score: 0

Where does an Italian gang live? In the "Spaghetto"

Score: 3

Italian people don't die. They pasta way.

Score: 0

What do you call an Italian sailor who died while stranded on a deserted island? Pastaway

Score: 0

How do you know a chef is Italian? They'll tell you within moments of meeting them. Don't worry.

Score: 0

Oh man... did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way...

I mean, the doctors cannoli do so much.

It’s just crazy how you can wake up one day and be gone tomato.

I’ve truly never sausage a tragic thing.

So sad he ran out of thyme... :~(

Score: 0

What do you order from a french Italian restaurant? Sbaguetti

Score: 0

What does an Italian gang member say to a Kingdom Hearts fan? Kairivederci

Score: 2

What did the Italian chef say when he didn’t bring out dessert? Affogato

Score: 3

I asked for soup at an Italian restaurant, But the bowl they gave me was tiny! I guess they weren't lying when they said it was ministrone.

Score: 1

What do you call the bad part of an Italian town? The spaghetto

Score: 6

I'm going to a fancy dress party later, "What you going as?" my friend asked. "A small island off the Italian coast" I replied... "Don't be so silly" he said

Score: 2

Someone told me there's no 'x' in Italian. I'm pretty sure there's ten.

Score: 0

Did you hear about the Italian foot soldier who ran away from the front line He ran so far away from the front line that he bumped into a general

Score: 1

What would you call Italian if it overtook English as a world language? A Linguini Franca

Score: 0

On a US Navy vessel is written: “USS.” What does that stand for? -United States Ship.

And on a British vessel it says: “HMS”?

-Her Majesty’s Ship

And on an Italian one it says: “AMB”?

-Aaatsah Meh Boat

Score: 4

An Italian, a Jamaican and a stormtrooper tried to make a meal for Gordon Ramsay. It was a rasta blaster pasta disaster.

Score: 3

What do you call someone who dislikes Italian food? An Antipasta

Score: 2

What did the owner of the Italian restaurant say to the bald man that was trying to dine-and-dash? You need a toupee!

Score: 2

How do you ask for pizza in italian? Pasta pizza

Score: 4

What did the Italian say when he got locked out? Gnocchi

Score: 1

What did the Italian barista say when he received a new car for his christmas bonus? It's a merry car, no?

Score: 3

What is an Italian’s favorite casino game? Penne slots.

Score: 4

What colour in the Italian flag represents loyalty in WWII? Purple. (there's no purple in the Italian flag)

Score: 1

What's the difference between an Italian dessert cheese and a small pony who loves makeup? Ones a mascarpone, ones a mascara pony

Score: 2

How come there are zero Italian tourist travelling by car? Because all roads lead to Rome.

Score: 4

What do you do if you want to look up something in Italian? You google.it

Score: 2

If you're an overwhelmed Italian, you have lasagna mind.

Score: 2

What do you get when you cross an Italian and a Russian? Broken legs at best

Score: 2

An Italian man was having trouble growing his beard. So he did some research and found out he was native American.

So now when asked about his beard he says
"Eh.. It's just apache"

Score: 3

What do you call a paraplegic Italian? Mute

Score: 1

What does the Italian cat say? Cheow!

Score: 5

An Italian painter loved spice So he boughtachili

Score: 2

What are an Italian bench warmer's favorite vegetables? Asparagi!

Score: 0

A Grek and an Italian go into a restaurant Who pays?
The German.
Haha

Score: 3

Me and my Italian friend are opening a Chinese restaurant... It's called 2 Dum Wops

Score: 0

What does an Italian have when one arm is shorter than the other? A terrible disability.

Score: 2

What do you call Macaulay Culkin's second Italian mortgage Home'a loan 2

Score: 3

What do you call an Italian at the World Cup Finals? A referee

Score: 4

When is the only appropriate time to spit in an Italian woman's face? When her mustache is on fire!

Score: 3

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