Italian Jokes

Contents

Funniest Italian Jokes

What's that Italian dessert called where you pour espresso coffee over ice cream? Everyone I ask can't remember either.

An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"

A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother... They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!

They named him Ravi O. Lee

Sorry

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
We cannoli do so much.
His legacy will be a pizza history.




Edit: Thank you for getting this on the front page!

Funny Italian Jokes

Why are so many Italian men named Tony? When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...

Why should you always knock on your fridge door before opening it? Because there could be an Italian dressing inside.

What do you call an Italian with a broken arm? Speech impaired.

A Judge orders an Italian man to pay $10,000 Italian man: Why?

Judge: It's a fine.

Italian man: (quietly) It's a not...

My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle

What do you call an Italian hooker? A PASTA-tute!

I am so sorry.

Why couldn't the Italian explain himself to the police? He was handcuffed.

What do you call an Italian Jedi? Obi Wan Cannoli.

Don't worry, I'll see myself out.

Did you hear about the famous Italian chef that recently died? He pasta way.

What's a specimen? An Italian astronaut :-D

The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza. Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.

What do you call a poor Italian community? a spaghetto.

What did the Jedi order at the Italian restaurant? Only one cannoli.

What does an Italian have when he is missing one arm? A severe speech impediment.

What do you call the Italian slums? The spaghettos.

Did you hear about the Italian chef? He pasta way :(

I'm dating an Italian bricklayer. It's cement to be.

What do you call an Italian with two broken hands? Mute

Did you hear about the woman who died in an Italian restaurant? She pasta way.

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. Although we cannoli do so much, he will forever be a pizza history. His wife? Cheese still not over it. Just goes to show here today, gone tomato. Lets send olive our prayers to the family.

Don't be racist, be like Mario... He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

I was at an Italian restaurant last Friday... Me: "I'll just have the Paggione".
Waitress: "That says 'page one', sir."

What do you call an Italian man without arms? A mute.


Sorry if repost.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way last night.

Did you hear about the Italian man who died? He pasta way... ...now he's a pizza history.

If Italian bread is Italian bread, and French bread is French bread, what do you call southern bread Inbred

How much dessert does a dieting Jedi eat at an Italian restaurant? Only one cannoli.

What's a specimen? An Italian astronaut!

​

Get it...?

Did you hear about the girl who died in the Italian restaurant? She pasta way.

What do you call an Italian with one arm? Speech impaired.

Why can't Italian snakes talk? They don't have hands.

Why did the Italian wear handcuffs to bed? So he wouldn't talk in his sleep

How do you know if an Italian person is mute? When you see he has no hands.

What is a specimen? An Italian astronaut.

Where do Italian gangsters come from? The spaghetto

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New Italian Jokes

Have you ever heard of an italian vampire? Neither have i #garlicPower

What did the dyslexic man order at the Italian restaurant? Tapas

Why was the Italian chef locked out of his house? Because he had gnocchi.

I’m learning a soon to be dead language It’s called Italian

How to speak Italian Credit to my 8 year old daughter.

"Hey, Dad. Want to hear me speak Italian?"

"Sure!"

*cough cough*

Where does an Italian gang live? In the "Spaghetto"

They say "you are what you eat"... … which can't be true, because I don't feel like a large Italian with everything.

What do you call an Italian strip club? Spaghetti-hoes

Should an Italian child born without ears learn sign language? Deafinitaly.

Oh man... did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way...

I mean, the doctors cannoli do so much.

It’s just crazy how you can wake up one day and be gone tomato.

I’ve truly never sausage a tragic thing.

So sad he ran out of thyme... :~(

What do you call a Italian hooker? A pastatute

First attempt at cooking for my Italian girlfriend, she's due here any minute, and I think I royally screwed up the meal. Need help urgently! Thyme is a factor.

What did the Italian marine biologist say when asked to identify an eel? That's a moray!

​

I'll see myself out...

What do the colors in the Italian flag stand for? Red: food

White: architecture

Green: music

Blue: a strong and courageous military

Yellow: competitive Formula 1 teams

What do you call an Italian prostitute? Spaghetti-ho.

Yo mama so dumb She thought innuendo was an Italian suppository.

What do you call the bad part of an Italian town? The spaghetto

I wanted to upset an Italian friend So I broke some spaghetti in front of him

What do you call an italian fortune teller with a negative outlook on the future? A pesto-mystic.

I once knew an Italian born with a toe growing out of his knee. So his mom, being hilarious, named him.... Just kidding, she left him at the hospital.

Hey did you hear about he Italian chef that died Yeah last night he pastaway

What did the Italian farmer name his fascist cow? Moo-ssolini

What do you call a poor Italian neighborhood? Spaghetto

Where do poor Italian people live? The Spaghetto

What do you call an Italian concentration camp? A spaghetto.

An American woman walks into an Italian Starbucks. She asks for a venti latte and takes her seat. The cashier then calls her name, and the woman goes up.

The cashier hands her 20 lattes.

The word asparagus is funny. It sounds like an Italian guy begging you not to kill someone named Gus.

Why did the Italian wear handcuffs to bed? So they wouldn't talk in their sleep

What was the name of the Italian inventor who hated Christmas? Leonardo da Grinchi

My Italian uncle has recently been hit by a truck full of Mac&cheese Sadly, he pasta way now

Why did the Italian man shout "Bigamist!" ? There was a thick fog approaching.

What does a Italian child use to cut their pizza? Little Caesar's

Don’t be racist; be like mario He’s an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like Mexican, and grabs coins like a Jew.

Spaghetti with Meatballs isn't real Italian cuisine. It's made in America, posing as Italian cuisine. Spaghetti with Meatballs is an **IMPASTA**!

What do you call a place where Italian immigrants live? A spaghetto.

I went out to a fine Italian restaurant last night but there was a large woman blocking the entrance.... I couldn’t get pasta

What do they call an Italian hooker? A pasta-tute.

What do you call a dodgy Italian neighborhood? A spaghetto.

I'M A STARK! Exclaimed the Italian stuck in traffic.

It's my cakeday, so figured I'd tell this joke (game grumps told this joke) What is a Jedi's Favourite Italian dessert...

OBI WAN CANOLI

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Long Italian Jokes

An Italian funeral

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.

The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral, is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

“My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also."

It was a very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood. Silence passed between the two men.

The Jewish man then asked "Can I borrow the dog?"

The Italian man replied, "Get in line."

3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.

After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.

Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info.

Then they took the Italian spy and did the same to him, but he didnt give any info. They kept torturing him for 3 hours but with no luck. Eventually they gave up and put him back in the cell.

The 2 other spies asked him “How did you do that? They tortured us like crazy!” The Italian replied: “I wanted to give all my info, but they tied my hands and so I couldn't speak.

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

"Thank you, honey", she says.

"What would you like me to bring back for you?"

He laughs and says, "An Italian girl!"

When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks, "So, honey, how was the trip?"

"Very good," she replies.

"And what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" she asks.

"The one I asked for- an Italian girl!"

"Oh, that," she says. "Well, I did what I could. Now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl."

An Englishman, an Irishman and an Italian are taken prisoners of war...

They take the Englishman back and hogtie him, whip him, and beat him senseless. After two hours of being brutally tortured, he spills all of his secrets.

Then they take the Irishman back and hogtie him, whip him, and beat him senseless. After four hours of being bashed bloody and bruised, he tells his captors everything he knows.

Finally, they take the Italian and hogtie him, whip him, and beat him senseless. The other two men could hear him crying out in pain for nearly ten hours as he was tortured, but his captors couldn’t get him to tell them anything, so they let him go.

When the three men regrouped outside, the Englishman took a sip of whiskey from a flask and set his hand on the shoulder of the Italian, asking, “So, howd’ya go so damn long and not say anything?” To which the Italian replied, “How could I have talked with my hands tied behind my back?”

The 3 Spies

There are 3 Spies that get captured. One spy is French, one is German and the other is Italian. Their captors come into the cell and grab the French spy and tie his hands behind a chair in the next room. They torture him for 2 hours before he answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets. The captors throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair as well and torture him for 4 hours before he tells them what they want to know. They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. They tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing. 4 hours go by and the spy isn't talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell. The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk. The Italian spy responds, " I wanted to!, but I couldn't move my hands!".

EDIT:
Glad everyone likes this joke. I want to give credit to a great friend of mine named Ron who told it to me.

A sweet and innocent young Italian girl gets married, but the girl’s mother lives downstairs.

The girl has never made love to a man before, and on their wedding night, when he takes off his shirt, she goes running downstairs.

“Momma, Momma,” she cries. “I can’t believe it! He has hair all over his chest! What should I do?”

The mother is making spaghetti sauce. She stirs the sauce thoughtfully and says, “Hair on his chest? He’s your husband, it’s your wedding night, go upstairs.”

When the girl gets back upstairs, the man takes off his pants. This sends her running back down to her mother:
“Momma, Momma! He has hair all over his legs! What should I do?”

The mother stirs the sauce thoughtfully and says: “Hair on his legs? He’s your husband, it’s your wedding night, go upstairs.”

The girl goes back upstairs, and the man takes off his shoes and socks. She looks down and sees that half of one of his feet is missing. She goes crying back down the stairs:

“Momma, Momma! He’s got a foot and a half! What should I do?”

The mother hands her daughter the spoon and says:

“A foot and a half? Here, you stir the sauce. I’ll go upstairs.”

Tony and Maria get married...

..and they're spending their honeymoon night at her mother's house. Maria, being a good Italian girl, is a virgin, and has never seen a naked man. The newlyweds go upstairs and start getting undressed.

Tony takes his shirt off, and Maria shrieks and runs downstairs where her mother is making some tomato sauce.

"Momma, momma! Tony has a hairy chest!" cries Maria.

"Men are supposed to have hairy chests, go back upstairs."

So Maria sheepishly goes back upstairs.

When she gets back, Tony starts pulling off his pants, and again, Maria shrieks and runs downstairs.

"Momma, momma! Tony has hairy legs!"

"Men are supposed have hair legs, go back upstairs."

And back upstairs she goes. When she gets back, she watches Tony pull off his socks and notices he's missing three toes on his left foot. He explains he got his foot stepped on by a horse and lost those toes. Once more, Maria runs downstairs.

"Momma, momma! Tony has a foot and a half!"

"Stir the sauce, honey, momma will handle this."

Edit: obviously my self post would make front page XD

The deaf Italian Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper of 20 years, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million. Guido is deaf which is why he got the job in the first place.

The Godfather assumed that since Guido could not hear anything, he could never testify in court.When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million,

he takes along his personal lawyer because he knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

A French spy, an English spy, and an Italian spy were sent to the USSR.

Unfortunately, they were caught within a few days and held in captivity for a week. Then they were tortured for information.

The French spy was first. They tied him, tortured him, and after 20 minutes he gave them all his information.

The English spy fared the same. After being tied and tortured for 20 minutes, he gave in and gave up all his information.

But when they tried the same with the Italian, he refused to give up anything and stayed tied to the chair for 3 hours until the Russians gave up and threw him back in the cell.

"How did you do that!" The other two were amazed at his endurance. "I wanted to give up all my information," replied the Italian. "But they tied my hands, so I couldn't talk."

For 2 years a man was having an affair with an Italian woman......

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he promised to pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he also promised to provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back.

He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey!' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.

Paddy was sitting in his local pub when a fine looking Italian woman walks in.

He offered her a drink and over the course of the night he charmed her with funny Irish stories and songs. She’d never had a night like it before and decided to invite him back to her room.

They had a passionate affair all that summer.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he gave her a large sum of money and told her to go back to Italy to secretly have the child.

He said that if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey!,' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.' 'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

One with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

An Italian, a Mexican, and a Blonde American are working construction.

The three men eat lunch together each day at the top of the building they are constructing.

The Italian opens his lunchbox and exclaims "Seriously!? Spaghetti again? If my wife packs this one more time, I swear I'm jumping off this building."

The Mexican opens his too. "Tacos again? I'm with you. I'm jumping tomorrow if it happens again."

The blonde opens up his lunch box and pulls out a PB&J sandwich. "Another PB&J!" He cries. "I'm jumping tomorrow too if I get a PB&J in my lunch again."

The next day, the Italian opens his lunch, pulls out a tupperware of spaghetti, and jumps to his death. The Mexican pulls out a bag of tacos, and immediately follows the Italian off of the building. The Blonde pulls out a PB&J, sighs, and jumps to his death as well.

A few days later at the funeral, the Italian and Mexican's wives are in tears. Both exclaim that if they had known, they would have packed something different and the men would still be alive. The women notice the wife of the Blonde, standing there and not shedding a tear.

They ask the wife of the Blonde "How can you not be upset? Your husband is dead because he kept getting the same food!"

The wife of the blonde replies "Don't look at me. He packed his own lunch."

A French, German and an Italian spy are captured.

Their captors come into the cell where the spies are being held, grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair.

They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

The captors then throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.

They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.

4 hours go by and the spy isn't talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell.

The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk.

The Italian spy says, " I wanted to, but I couldn't move my hands!"

There are 3 Spies that get captured.

One spy is French, one is German and the other is Italian.
Their captors come into the cell and grab the French spy and tie his hands behind a chair in the next room.
They torture him for 2 hours before he answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.
The captors throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair as well and torture him for 4 hours before he tells them what they want to know.
They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. They tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.
4 hours go by and the spy isn't talking then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell.
The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk. The Italian spy responds, " I wanted to!, but I couldn't move my hands!".

Three men are standing at the pearly gates...

St. Peter tells them, "As you all know God has a sense of humor and his latest idea is to put the Kingdom of Heaven several hundred miles from the Pearly Gates."
"How is that supposed to be funny?" one guy asks.
"Well, God had the novel idea of allowing those admitted into Heaven a vehicle to travel that distance, but the quality of your vehicle is based upon how faithful you were to your spouse."
Knowing they can't argue and that God obviously knows all, the men begin confessing their infidelity.

"I admit I screwed around behind my wife's back, but I broke it off with the girl before my wife found out." One man admits.
"Very well," St. Peter responds and gives him a standard bicycle. The guy shrugs and feels a little better confessing.
The second man says with a grin, "I've never actually cheated on my wife."
St. Peter raises a skeptical brow.
"Okay... There was one time, but it was technically before we were married! I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing but I've never been unfaithful after that!"
With a heavy sigh St. Peter grants the second man a car--but in terrible condition.
The third man says proudly, "I've never been unfaithful. Never."
The other two stare at the third in disbelief.
"No, he's right." St. Peter confirms. "He's been faithful the whole time. In fact he lost his virginity to his wife."
The other two men gape in jealous amazement as the third man is granted a brand new sports car.

The third man obviously can make it down the long, glittering highway toward the Kingdom of Heaven faster than the other two. However, the first man on the bicycle finds the third man pulled over not too far down the road. Perplexed, he rides to the sports car and finds the man sobbing into his steering wheel.
"What's wrong, wise-guy, is this Italian muscle too much for you?" he gloats.
"No..." the third man tries to gain composure. "It's not that... The car is beautiful!"
"Then what's your problem?"
"I just passed my wife and she was on rollerskates!"

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been three times. I wish I could be taken seriously as an actor."

They think about it for a few minutes, and Stallone says, "We should do a serious film. A historical."

Arnold grins his huge toothy grin, immediately warming to the idea. "A period piece. That's a great way for our acting comebacks to be taken seriously."

Stallone, as the film auteur, keeps working on it. "We want people to be emotionally affected by it. Music really moves people. Can we do something about music?"

Schwarzenegger agrees. "We could do classical music. You're Italian; you could play an Italian composer."

Sylvester says, "I'll play Vivaldi!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."

Two Cows

**Edit: Just to make it clear, I am not taking credit for the joke(s). I just merely found it/them whilst browsing around and thought you guys would appreciate it/them.**



SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour



COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk



NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.

You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.

You still only have two cows.


A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

An Italian guy, a Polish guy, and a Japanese guy all apply for a job at an office.

The manager hires all three and tells the Italian, "Ok, you take care of the inventory". Tells the Polish guy, "You take care of accounting" and tells the Japanese guy, "You take care of supplies."


The manager comes back after an hour and sees the Italian guy and the Polish guy working, but he can't find the Japanese guy anywhere. So all of them start looking for him.


After hours of searching, they still can't find him so they give up and turn to go home for the evening when suddenly, the Japanese guy jumps out of nowhere and screams "SUPPLIES!!!!"...

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all
led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back
to earth and be anyone you wish to be.”

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren." And ‘poof’ she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna and ‘poof’ she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Alberta Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?", he asks

"Alberta Pipalini," replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't
ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and
says, "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Alberta Pipeline' that was laid by
1,400 men in 6 months."

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Sending olive my prayers to the family. His wife is really upset. Cheese still not over it. You never sausage a tragic thing.

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