Random Jokes

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Funniest Random Jokes

Funny Random Jokes
Score: 20568

9/10 people. Accordion to research, 9/10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Score: 1711

Jehovah’s Witness don’t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming up to their door.

Score: 1055

Jehovah's Witness don't celebrate Halloween I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their door

Score: 988

TIL Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate halloween.. guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors

Score: 784

We had random drug testing at work today. The pcp was my favourite.

Score: 519

I heard Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their door

Score: 431

What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian? One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.

Score: 372

I have a condition where I spontaneously tell jokes at random times I think it's a gag reflex.

Score: 366

Me: Doc, I am suddenly afraid of random letters Doc: You Are?

Me: *screams*

Doc: Oh I See...

Me: *screaming intesifies*

Score: 347

The internet is amazing One minute you're at work looking at random webpages; the next, you're at home looking for a new job

Score: 318

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking at their doors all the time.

Score: 241

A Linux Joke In computing, what's the only way to generate a truly random string?

Put a Windows user in front of VI and tell him to quit.

Score: 113

Me: I’m afraid of random letters. Therapist: You are?

Me: [confused screaming]

Therapist: Oh, I see.

Me: [screaming intensifies]

Score: 105

Interesting Research Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Score: 96

People are like lottery tickets. You can point to a random one, say it's a loser, and you'll be right most of the time.

Score: 91

H.o.m.e.w.o.r.k Half of my energy wasted on random knowledge

Score: 88

I see why Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween, They must dislike random people coming up to their doors.

Score: 88

My girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't stop pointing out random exits and entrances I said: "There's the door"

Score: 87

Two random variables were talking in a bar They thought they were being discrete but I heard them continuously.

Score: 82

My friend developed a video streaming app that rejects every choice you make, and plays random Russian videos instead He calls it *Nyetflix*

Score: 58

me: i'm terrified of random letters therapist: you are?

me: [screams]

therapist: oh i see

me: [screaming intensifies]

Score: 57

Jehovas witnesses don't celebrate Halloween I guess they don't appreciate random people turning up at their doors.

Score: 57

Why do Jehovah Witness’s hate Halloween? They don’t like random people knocking on their door.

Score: 56

Jehova's witnesses don't celebrate halloween I guess they just don't appreciate random people coming up and knocking on their doors.

Score: 51

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween I guess they don't like when random people come knocking on their door.

Score: 50

I'm very good at remembering random facts. For example, there are 3,500 different types of lice.

And that's just off the top of my head.

Score: 47

When COVID is over I’m going to go dancing with random people and insult them. Social diss dancing.

Score: 45

I have a jar in my garage labeled, "My Bachelor Years." It's filled with a bunch of random screws.

Score: 44

A priest, a nun and some random dude walks into a bar They ask for a few coronas, hurricanes, and fireballs.

The bartender says "that'll be 2020"

Score: 43

Jehovah Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween; I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors.

Score: 42

So I applied for a random volunteer job at my church I really hope I get the missionary position

Score: 41

Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because D-shells are too big and B- shells are too small.



*A random elderly woman just stopped in the street in front off where I was sitting and told me this. Awesome*

Score: 34

Turns out there are TWO Loch Ness Monsters. One of them is quite mean, but the other actually gives away his forestry tools. A little weird, sure, but it's always nice to see some random axe of Kind Ness.

Score: 33

Did you know Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween? Turns out they don’t like random people showing up at the door

Score: 31

Why don't Jehovah Witnesses like Halloween? Because they don't like random people knocking on their doors

Score: 31

A Therapist and a Man Therapist: What seems to be the issue with you?
Man: I'm terrified of random letters.
Therapist: Are you?
*Man screams*
Therapist: I see...
*Screaming intensifies*

Score: 29

An old guy with a horrible toupee stopped me in the parking lot to tell me this random joke...made me crack up. How do you get down from an elephant??


YOU DON'T! You get down from a goose!!

Score: 29

A german visits France... and he gets picked for a random check at the customs:

- Name?

- Albert Schmidt.

- Nationalite?

- German.

- Occupation? (In a French accent)

- No no, just visiting.

Score: 26

I'm terrified of random letters Therapist: you are?

Me: [screams]

Therapist: oh I see

Me: [screaming intensifies]

Score: 25

I pushed a random old guy's Life Alert to see what would happen. He got so angry, he had a heart attack.
Good thing the ambulance was already on it's way.

Score: 24

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New Random Jokes

I walked into the doctor’s office... and he told me to pick a random star sign.

I replied, “Capricorn”

He said back, “No mate you’ve got cancer”

Score: 1

I'm terrified of random letters Me: I'm terrified of random letters
Therapies: you are?
Me: (screams)
Therapies: oh I see
Me: (screaming intensifies)

Score: 7

Yesterday, I paid a random stranger to put their hands inside my mouth. Y’know, the dentist?

Score: 2

oh dear Me: l'm terrified of random letter


Therapist: You are?


Me: *Screams*


Therapist: Oh I see


Me: *Screaming intensifies*

Score: 8

A random quote written in gents toilet You future is in your hand

.

..

Imagine the quote written in ladies toilet

.

.

Do not play with your future....

Score: 2

What’s the difference between the Chinese Government and a Random Word Generator? At least a random word generator sometimes tells the truth

Score: 10

Sometimes I sit next to random people on the train,strike up a casual conversation then, when the train stops i say "this is where i get off" Then I stick my hand down my pants.

Score: 6

How to Piss People off at a Sperm bank. Go to a sperm bank, look at a random guy and just yell “Hey, get a load of this guy”.

Score: 8

Today I decided to go for a walk Went for a walk haven't been outside in weeks and haven't shaved, I have long hair. Legit looked like a hobo, some random guy gave me cash and his watch while I was sitting and enjoying the weather.

Score: 2

Random people have started following me on Instagram I guess I am a fermi influencer now. Soon I will be a micro influencer. Mega influencer seems a little far fetched.

Score: 1

Why can rappers make random noies and call it music But when I do it im called autistic

Score: 1

What do you call it when you sleep with a random Mexican? Juan night stand

Score: 2

Today a cow started attacking me at random Maybe it was a mis-steak
Anyways I got no beef with it

Score: 2

Me: *trying not to randomly laugh while at a funeral* Random person: I have a very great friend in Rome called Biggus Dickus...

Score: 2

I noticed a load of random items on my bank statement. (Size 80s shoes, a bicycle horn, a huge plastic flower).

I called my bank and apparently my card's been clowned...

Score: 1

Just a random thought Her:*he is probably thinking about other girls

Him:*do horses think that we are backpacks?¿

Score: 1

It was a random night I was playing this Harry Potter game and it was really late at night. So my mom came and told me to Quidditch.

Score: 8

Dr Dr I can’t stop adding random letters to the end of words Sounds like a case of appendicitis...

Score: 3

What happens when you stick your honey in random combs? You might catch a STBee.

Score: 1

The stalker Random person: What do you do in your spare time
Stalker: I stalk people
Random person: Really? I like to go for runs and see movies with my friends
Stalker: I know

Score: 1

I had to disable the lane departure warning on my new car. It kept going off at random times, for no reason, and it was distracting me from my texting.

Score: 3

A delivery man gets the part time job as a magician...(OC) He tells a random person
"Pick a card any card!"
After the person pics a card the delivery man says: "your card will be revealed in 3-6 business days"

Score: 2

I was talking to my therapist about my irrational fear of letters. Me: So, I'm afraid of random letters...

Therapist: You are?

Me: *Screams*

Therapist: Oh, I see...

Me: *Screaming intensifies*

Score: 9

One of my friends uses condoms for random tasks around the house It's the nuttiest thing I've ever heard of

Score: 1

I have the most original idea for a TV show. Contestants will be read a line from a random poem, and they will be asked which author the line belongs to. I'll name it, 'Whose Line Is It, Anyway?'

Score: 2

Girls in Thailand are like a box of random chocolates You never know which one has nuts

Score: 11

Therapy Me: "I'm afraid of random letters"

Therapist: "You are?"

Me: *Screams*

Therapist: [confused pause] "Oh, I see"

Me: *Screaming intensifies*

Score: 24

Im afraid of random letters Me: im afraid of random letters
Therapist: you are?
Me:(starts screaming)
Therapist:oh I see
Me: (starts screaming louder)

Score: 7

What do you call a Redditor posting random stuff to a ton of subreddits for a cake day? Toasterlicker420

Score: 6

Nitrogen triiodide will detonate violently due to random stray currents of air, the touch of a feather, or even a passing alpha particle. ... Still not as fragile as the male ego.

Score: 4

Why can’t dinosaurs clap? Because they are dead.

Stolen from my random Rocket League teammate.

Score: 1

"For the last time , Judas,my mom was a virgin when i was born?" "is that the reason why three random dudes showed up out of nowhere?"

Score: 1

A random person helped me finish my origami swan one the train today. Thanks for the fold, kind stranger.

Score: 2

Did you know that Mormons don’t celebrate Halloween? I guess they don’t like random people coming up to their door.

Score: 8

Scientists have discovered a new element that appears and disappears at random times. They are calling it the element of... SURPRISE!

Score: 5

When we were drunk last night, my friends and I threw a random Chinese man down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

Score: 9

Why do Jehovah’s Witness hate halloween? They don’t like having random people come knocking at their door.

Score: 4

Who? Me: "Someone here is possesed by an owl!"

Some Random Person: " Who?"

Me: "Thats just it, we don't kn-

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Score: 2

People who write a random group of words and then write "That's it. That's the whole joke." That's it. That's the whole joke.

Score: 2

A random person came up to me and said I look crazy I’m not. I have food allergies. It’s hard to be crazy and allergic to peanuts.

Score: 1

I whispered in this random woman's ear and she told me her favourite Alfred Hitchcock film. "Psycho," she said.

Score: 2

For weeks now Amazon has been sending me suggestions for random biscuits Finally I logged in and updated my cookie preferences

Score: 3

Seen some people throwing out random Greek words to sound smart. You won't see one iota of that from me.

Score: 2

Me:"I'm scared of random letters." Psychotherapist:"You are?"

Me:*screams*

Psychotherapist:"Oh, I see"

Me:*Screaming intensifies*

Score: 2

Our Business is implementing random drug testing... I'm OK with doing most of them but I'm kinda nervous about trying Crack.

Score: 11

At the therapist's room Me: I'm afraid of random letters

Therapist: Oh I see

Me: *screams*

Therapist: are you okay?

Me: *screaming intensifies*

Score: 11

Some random dude bodyslammed me at a rave and almost broke my back He was angry that I didn't take my hat off when 009 Sound System's Dreamscape started playing.

Score: 1

It’s funny how random songs just pop into your head sometimes. For example I saw the same full size white van driving around the neighborhood a couple times today and I automatically started singing “It’s Mr. Steal Your Girl.”

Score: 2

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and posted on Facebook that I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive. 10000 random Muslims have now added me as a friend.

Score: 8

Random Thought Are those who make upper extremity prosthetics known as "Arms Dealers"?

Score: 3

Doc I’m afraid of random letters Doc: you are?

Me: *jumps out of seat

Doc: okay why?

Me: *opens door

Doc: you are a cutie. I envy you

Me: *dies of heart attack

Score: 6

Me: I’m terrified of random letters Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh I see
Me: [SCREAMING INTENSIFIES]

Score: 14

A drone with a screen showing random changing numbers was flying toward me. It struck me as odd.

Score: 2

Me: I’m terrified of random letters Doctor: you are?

Me: *screams*

Doctor: oh. I see

Me: *screams even louder*

Score: 2

Antivaxxers' health problems are kind of like computer problems. They try a load of random things and hope that it works.

Score: 3

A man walks into a therapists office claiming he’s terrified of random letters The therapist asks, “you are?”

The man starts screaming

“Oh, I see!”

The man passes out.

Score: 1

I'm terrified of random letters. Psychiatrist: Oh, are you?

(Screaming begins)

Psychiatrist: Oh I see.

(Screaming intensifies)

Score: 2

I'm terrified of random letters Therapist: You are?

Me: *screams*

Therapist: Oh I see.

Me: *screams louder*

Score: 3

At the therapist office, Me: I'm terrified of random letters Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh I see!
Me: [screaming intensifies]

Score: 13

I’m suddenly afraid of random letters... My friend: You are?

Me: *visibly nervous*

Friend: Why?

Me: *SCREAMING*

Friend: Oh, I see.

Me: *faints*

Score: 2

Doctor, I’m afraid of random letters Doctor: You are?

Patient: Oh god no

Doctor: Oh I see...

Patient: AHHHHHH

Score: 6

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