Mustache Jokes

My buddy told me he had a threesome with his girlfriend and her twin....... I asked how he could tell them apart. He said "Her brother has a mustache."

Score: 1002
Funny Mustache Jokes
Score: 197

What do you call a mustache soaked in urine? A pistachio.

Score: 90

You compliment someone for their mustache and suddenly She's not your friend anymore.

Score: 65

I just don't get some people. I mean, you compliment on their mustache out of sheer politeness... ...and all of a sudden she hates your guts.

Score: 43

Why is it that whenever you complement someone on their mustache... suddenly she's not your friend anymore?

Score: 26

I made a genuine compliment about a co-workers mustache I don't know why she made such a big deal about it to HR.

Score: 23

People need to learn how to take a compliment... Just today I complimented the most epic mustache I've ever seen and the lady didn't even say thanks.

Score: 22

How are lesbians and walruses different? One has a mustache and smells like fish and the other one is a walrus.

Score: 22

I just complimented someone’s mustache and suddenly I’m not friends with her anymore. :(

Score: 17

At first I wasn’t sure if I liked the mustache But it’s growing on me.

Score: 15

Accidentally told a joke at work today Lost a bet and had to grow a mustache.

Co-worker: "Hey booskadoo247, how do you like your mustache?"

booskado247: "It's growing on me."

Accidental Comedian strikes again!

Score: 14

I shaved my mustache after having kept it for a few years I hated the way I looked at first, but it's growing on me.

Score: 13

Conpliment someone on their mustache .... And suddenly she won't talk to you.

Score: 11

I complimented someone for their amazing mustache. I don't understand why she threw a fit though.

Score: 10

How does a mustache support his family in the event of his untimely death? By investing in a shavings account.

Score: 10

Having an Asian wife is like having a mustache... Everyone assumes that you molest children.

Score: 10

I was walking down the street, and some guy came up to me and shaved off my mustache! He stole it from right under my nose!

Score: 10

When is the only right time to slap an ugly woman? When her mustache is on fire.

Score: 8

An Eskimo goes to the mechanic the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." and the Eskimo says "No, that's just frost on my mustache."

Score: 8

I hate when you compliment on their mustache... ..and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

Score: 7

Women are like the police Once they've settled on a partner they eat a lot of donuts and then grow a mustache

Score: 7

Nice mustache! ...oh. I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore..

Score: 7

I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache, And then suddenly she's not your friend anymore...

Score: 6

I haven't shaved my mustache since the lockdown begun... And it's kind of growing on me.

Score: 6

My friend told me my mustache makes me looks like Jeffery Dahmer. I said, "Thanks. I've always wanted a killer stache."

Score: 5

I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache, And suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

Score: 5

I hated the way I looked after I shaved my mustache... But then it started growing on me.

Score: 5

There’s a knock at the door The butler goes and answers the door

“Sir, there’s a man at the door with a mustache.”

“I’m not interested, tell him I’ve already got one!”

Score: 5

What's the difference between a walrus and a feminist? One has got a mustache and smells like fish. The other one is a fu**ing walrus.

Score: 5

When is the only appropriate time to spit in an Italian woman's face? When her mustache is on fire!

Score: 3

My wife said my mustache brought out my personality. I replied, “Yeah, it’s growing on me”

(Thought of this one right before sleep, I’ll check on it in the morning)

Score: 3

I couldn't find my mustache for a week It was right under my nose the entire time.

Score: 2

Why gypsies boys let their mustache to grow? To look more like their mom.

Score: 2

what do you call a person obsessed with japanese gaming consoles? A Wiib.

Don't touch my mustache.

Score: 1

what do you call a guy with twirly mustache but not from france? A fake baguette

Score: 1

We should all make a joke togeather And start wearing Adolf's legendary mustache

Score: 1

In light of the Coronavirus outbreak, I chopped off my mustache to reduce the amount I’m subconsciously touching my face. I decided better shave than sorry.

Score: 0

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