Hilarious Fish Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Fish Jokes

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year

Score: 15739

Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.

Score: 15264

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

Score: 12377

Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait.

Score: 9869

Dating is a lot like fishing... Sure there is plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, I am just stuck here holding my rod.

Score: 8818

Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait

Score: 2704

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince.

Score: 2386

My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me. It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.

Score: 1597

When I said to my teacher,I had 26 pets, didn't believe me. So I showed her a picture of my fish tank. Teacher freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

Score: 1248

My friend is making a lot of easy money by selling pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes. It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

Score: 1194

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will use 3 times a year

Score: 1186

Dating is a lot like fishing Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.

Score: 1071

The other day I took my Grandma to one of those spas where the little fish eat your dead skin It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery

Score: 943

Teach a man to fish, and he'll be able to eat for a lifetime Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.

Score: 940

My friend is making a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes... It’s like shooting fish in apparel...

Score: 802

Give a Nigerian a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he becomes a prince.

Score: 779

Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me... Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

Score: 742

I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home. I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

Score: 724

I phoned my wife... ...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"

She had just grunted down the phone.

I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins

Score: 691

With relationships, they say there's plenty of fish in the sea... But I'm just stuck here holding my rod

Score: 683

What kind of STD's do fish get? Merm-aids

Score: 676

My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise? -Because the other fish were crying.

Edit: *One of them dies.

Score: 664

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day Give a fish a man and feed it for a month

Score: 641

I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.

Score: 636

What do you call a girl who catches fish? Anette.

^^^^Just^thought^of^this^i'm^sorry^it's^bad..

Edit: Wow, front page of /r/jokes I finally did it!

Edit 2: Thanks everyone, this is my highest up-voted post ever!

Score: 614

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Give a man a poison fish and feed him for the rest of his life.

Score: 587

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime.

Score: 573

What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms? 2Na

Score: 492

Two fish are in a tank... Two fish are in a tank when one turns to the other and says, "do you know how to drive this thing?

Score: 484

Why are fish poorly educated? All the schools are below C level.

Score: 466

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he becomes a prince.

Score: 296

What fish is made of 2 sodium atoms? 2Na

Edit: Jeez, almost 300 upvotes, thanks everyone!

Score: 289

I had a Fish That could breakdance, on the carpet, for 20 seconds, only once.

Score: 227

Fish and chips I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just put the phone down on me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

Score: 187

I couldn't afford to take the kids to SeaWorld... So I took them to the fish market and said "Shhh, they're sleeping".

Score: 109

A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips. The librarian says, "this is a library."

The man, says, "oh. Sorry." (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips."

Score: 99

Why are Fish easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales.

Score: 99

I was at a funeral the other day and a couple in front of me were loudly arguing about which herb goes best with which fish... I could only think it wasn’t the Thyme or Plaice...

Score: 96

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day... Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince.

Score: 89

A fish swimming in a river hits into a wall and yells Dam.

Score: 87

New Fish Jokes

What kind of a fish is made of only two sodium atoms 2 Na

Score: 70

Dad: What's the difference between a piano, tuna and some glue? Me: Don't know?

Dad: You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish

Me: What about the glue?

Dad: I knew you'd get stuck on that!

Score: 21

My mate took his Grandad to one of those fancy Health Spas, where tiny little fish eat all the dead skin. It cost him $35, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral.

Score: 32

I took my dad to one of them spas where the fish eat your dead skin. It was £30 but cheaper than a funeral

Score: 46

Give a teen a fish, and they'll be full for a day Give a teen a Tide Pod, and they'll be full for the rest of their life

Score: 22

Two fish are put in a tank But, darn it, neither knows how to drive it.

Score: 13

Two fish sitting in a tank One said to the other I have no idea how to drive this thing

Score: 79

my friend has a model fish collection they are all to scale

Score: 17

There were two fish in a tank One says to the other, “How do you drive this thing?”

Score: 54

Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me today... ...luckily my injuries where only super fish oil.

Score: 27

Nigerian Fishing Give a Nigerian a fish and he'll eat for the day.

Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll immediately turn into a prince and start emailing people.

Score: 61

I was unlucky to be sacked as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs Wrong plaice, wrong thyme

Score: 41

Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me. Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil.

Score: 25

Most people tell me there are many fish in the sea. So till i catch one imma play with my rod

Score: 16

Why can’t blind people eat fish? Because it’s sea food.

Score: 24

Fish is swimming up river when he bumps his head. "Dam!"

Score: 17

I took my grandma to a new spa.. I took my grandmother to a new spa where they have little fish eat away at your dead skin for only $40.

It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

Score: 27

Wife : Honey before we got married , you used to give me gifts and expensive jewelry. Husband : Yes…so ?

Wife : How come you don’t do it anymore ?

Husband : Have you ever seen a fisherman give worms to the fish after catching it?

Score: 54

So there's two fish in a tank... And one says to the other "how do we drive this thing?"

Score: 21

Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One asks the other, "Do you smell fish?"

Score: 36

Give a communist a fish? Feed them for a day

Teach a communist to fish

Now government has more fish

Score: 44

A group of fish is a school. A group of birds is a flock. A group of wolves is a pack. What do you call a group of Trump supporters? A klan

Score: 45

What's a Russian emperors favorite fish? *CZAR-DINES*

Score: 10

Two fish are in a tank One fish says to the other fish, "how do we drive this thing?"

Score: 45

There are two fish in a tank One fish says to the other "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Score: 65

Why does a fighting fish keep its eyes open? So it can sea anenome.

Score: 10

What do Sea Monsters eat? Fish & Ships

Score: 25

Two fish in a tank One fish looks over at the other and says "Can you drive this thing?"

Score: 11

What happened when the clown-fish tried to fast travel? You cannot fast travel when anemone is nearby.

Score: 22

What do you call a fish without eyes? A fsh

Score: 12

My wife threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at my head Don't worry though, my wounds were just super-fish-oil

Score: 32

A man walks into a library. Man: Fish and chips, please.

Librarian: Sir, this is a library.

Man: \*whispers\* *Sorry. Fish and chips, please.*

Score: 43

What kind of fish is made out of only two sodium atoms? 2 Na

Score: 14

I phoned the wife last night and asked her if she wanted me to pick up Fish & Chips on my way home. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins!

Score: 18

There are plenty of fish in the sea... ...and they're easy to catch if you've got a big rod.

Score: 10

Guess how many fish I got from the market? Tuna half.

Score: 18

What kind of fish is made of only 2 Sodium Atoms? 2 Na

Score: 13

A blind man was taking a stroll And on his walk he passed by a fish market. As we he was walking by, he took a deep breath and said "Well hello, ladies!"

Score: 12

Why do fish go to church? To save their shoals.

Score: 14

Why was the fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because he dropped out of school.

Score: 17

Accidentally used my wife's electric toothbrush... I don't remember her eating fish for lunch.

Score: 15

Why are deep sea fish always so stressed? Because they're under a lot of pressure.

Score: 36

I had a fish that could break dance on the floor... But only for like 30 seconds...and only once.

Score: 17

Why did the fish get suspended from his school He had seaweed in his locker

Score: 14

What did the fish say when he ran into the wall? Dam!

Edit: had to correct punchline

Score: 11

What did the fish swimming upstream say when it hit its head? "Dam."

Score: 10

Teach a man to fish and he will have food for a lifetime. Teach a feminist to fish and she will complain about how fishing is male-dominated.

Score: 16

Two fish in a tank, and one says to the other: "How do you drive this thing?"

Score: 56

What kind of fish is made up of 2 sodium atoms 2 Na

Score: 24

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind, probably.

Score: 13

I couldn't afford to take my kids to Sea World. So I took them to our local fish market, saying, "Shhhh... they're all asleep."

Score: 18

Fish Joke of the Day I want to krill myself.

Score: 20

Two fish were in a tank... One fish says to the other "You man the guns, i'll drive"

Score: 22

What do you call a gold fish wearing a top-hat? Sofishticated

Score: 86

What do you call a coi fish that can't swim? A decoi

Score: 14

When I draw a fish I always.... ... Draw it to scale

Score: 14

My 10 y/o daughter made this joke up on the way to school... What do you get when you cross Hitler with a fish? A-dolphin!

Score: 14

I phoned my wife earlier. "I'm just setting off from work, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?" It was met with a stony silence... I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

Score: 73

Two fish were in a tank... and one says "How do you drive this thing?"

Score: 84

Two fish were in a tank... One says to the other: you shoot, I'll drive

Score: 19