Contents

Contents

Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"
Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"

Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"

Me: "49"

Interviewer: "that's not even close"

me: "yeah, but it was fast"

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper. I think he must be plotting something.

How long are math snakes?
3.14 feet. Well, at least the πthon is

(I'm so sorry)

I had a scary math joke... But I'm 2^2 to say it

I failed my math exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals IM LIVID

If i got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I'd have $ 6.30 now

I asked my math teacher why 6 was afraid of 7.
She replied, “Approximately 0.3583679495453”.

I stared at her, confused. Seeing my confusion, she added, “You know, cos (789)”

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam I’d have $ 6.30 now

I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

I heard 8/10 Americans are bad at math... Glad to know I'm in the other 2%.

My boss said my math skills are average. That's just mean.

Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said
"You're a lot like a math exam."

I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"

She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."

My daughter has a math test on Roman numerals. I told her I hope she gets a "C".

So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.

Yeah, it's a math joke
17: Hey 11, want to hear a joke?

11: Sure.

17: What did one prime number say to the other prime number?

11: I give up.

17: "I can't even."

11 and 17 together: HAHAHA!!!!!

2: I don't get it.

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

While most puns make me feel numb... ...Math puns make me feel number.

Not all math puns are bad Just sum

A new study shows that the majority of humans alive today are better at math than Albert Einstein. Because he's dead.

Pakistani math problem.
Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.

He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the explosion.

Why was math so easy in ancient Rome? x always equals 10

I found out what that math teacher with graph paper from yesterday’s joke was plotting.... ...weapons of math instruction.

Why are Chinese kids so good at math? Because their dog doesn’t eat their homework

My math teacher used to call me average. How mean!

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

What did the mermaid forget to bring to math class? Her algae bra

I think my math teacher works for the CIA... He always wants to put radicals in isolation.

Genie: you have three wishes
me: make math go away

Genie: ok, that one's on the house

me: yay, so I still get three wishes?

Genie: huh?

Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

(My mother's proudest creation) What do you call it when you lobotomize terrorists?
Simplifying Radicals.

Yes, she's a math teacher.

Make little things count they say. Henceforth I will be teaching midgets some math.

So my math teacher asked me to do an initial value problem... ...and I said, "Y Naught?"

My math teacher told the whole class I'm average... she's mean

Stalin would do well in my math class: He's got a lot of practice solving by elimination.

How do you get a Mexican across the border using only math? Carry the Juan

My Indian engineering teacher told us this today Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

BAD MATH JOKE TIME.
For pi day, my friend was selling pies as a fundraiser, so because I love pie, I decided to buy two.

I went from 0 to 2π.

I went absolutely nowhere.

What does a deaf math nerd speak? Sine language.

"Two halves are always the same size", the math teacher said. "But the greater half of you just won't understand."

How come Jedi can only do math with fractions? Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

A boy rushes home to his dad
Dad dad I got a 100 on my math tests

That's great son can I see?

See look, two 50's makes 100

what did the bee get in math? a bee plus

Why did Trump get a score in the math unit of Warton School of Finance? Because he said all the numbers he didn't like were not real numbers they were fake and imaginary numbers.

A CEO needs help with a math problem so he asks his secretary to come into his office.
“If I were to give you 12% of $190,000, how much would you take off?” He asked.

She replied “everything but my earrings.”

Geometry is a lot like algebra, language arts, and french
Its like algebra because it has a lot of math,

Its like language arts because it has a lot of words in it,

And its like french because I don't understand it.

What did the math team say when they were being beaten? We 4/5

What is a monsters favorite subreddit?
r/theydidthemath

The monster math 😂

Why do math teachers exist? To make a difference in the world.

I texted my college girlfriend to tell her how guilty I felt about cheating. She replied saying she was so relieved because she had been cheating on me with a guy in her dorm. I was talking about my math exam.

Why do detectives who are really good at math get fustrated when they can't solve a case? Because things don't add up.

If I had a quarter for every math test I've failed... I'd have seventy two cents. 😞

Compile math puns! Give me all your math puns, it's integral!

Or math teachers made us practice mental calculations because we wouldn't always have a calculator on us. This post was made on a smartphone.

A basic girl was struggling with her math class, its the thot that counts

another math formula you dont remember from school: Cole's Law cabbage + mayo

Teacher: class let’s do math.
Teacher: so bob has 25 candy bars he eats 10. What does bob have

Student: 15 CANDY BARS

Teacher: no bob has diabetes.

On March 27th, our math teacher burst into class and threatened to cancel Spring Break unless the one who's cheated on all their tests reveals themselves before next month
This is ridiculous!

How are we supposed to catch a cheater in eight days?!

Why didn’t the math professor teach during the summer? She needed a tan

why did hitler fail his math exam he couldn't finish the final solution

What type of math does John Deere do? Prime tractorization

What did the math slave pick on the plantation? Cot-tan

I’m very good at math but I’m not as good with numbers. But hey, at least I got 11/10 on a maths test one time.

What do you call the brand of toilet paper that prints math equations on their rolls? Multi-Ply

My math teacher says Fractions are a little difficult But honestly figuring out where the Numerator goes is over the top

What does the Little Mermaid put on before math class? An Algebra

My math teacher used to tell me "there's 3 types of people in this world... those that are good at math and those that aren't"

Why do teachers always laugh at the new standards for teaching math? Because the real joke is always in the common core.

I beat up some people with an algebra textbook and was arrested
I was charged with using a Weapon of Math Instruction

(Hoping this is somewhat original)

What do you call a Math teacher that’s a hoe? It’s the thot that counts.

I ran into an old math teacher the other day and I guess he was astonished at how well I'd turned out
He asked "Look at you! How did you do it?"

I said "I used that old formula, 'Me' times 'I Can'."

And he replied "Is that why you're wearing a serape?"

A bird flew into my math classroom today. It must've wanted to learn geome-tree.

What does a math-loving mermaid usually wear? Algebra.

It was really romantic to see an 85 year old man and 77 year old woman who were a couple for 65 years. It was horrifying when I did the math.

I tried asking a hot girl out yesterday...
She said she had a boyfriend.

I said I had a math test.

Puzzled, she asked what I meant

I responded "I thought we were naming things to cheat on!"

What do you call a female goat who is good at math? Mathewe.

Why do autistic kids solve math problems for fun? Because they enjoy being mentaly challenged.

Why couldn't the Lutheran math student steal the answers from his classmate? According to 7th commandment, it was considered an ✓((1/2 i e^(-i x) - 1/2 i e^(i x))^2 )...

I'll do you like my math homework Slam you on the table, try to do you, but give up and pay someone to finish you

What do you call a dancing tree doing math?
A log-a-rithm

Ba dum pshh

I have a math genius co-worker, And everyone seems to think he is a co-median.

When people ask me why i am fat, i say its because i work with pie I am a math teacher

Why did Dracula fail math? He forgot how to Count.

I took pi to Idaho, Kansas and Utah .... My math teacher always told me to take it to three dismal places

When people tell me I'm a nerd for being good at math... ...I simply tell them that I'll add a knife to my hand, divide all their blood vessels, and subtract them from this world.

A kid from England walks into an classroom in America.
Kid: Is this maths?

Teacher: No, this is math.

Kid: Ah, so you don't do multiples here.

Just as my teachers said, math has proven useful in my everyday life. For example, yesterday I dropped my keys into a toilet and made an integral out of wire.

In my math homework I was asked what's the difference a racist and a mathematician. I need help solving this equation, maybe one of you could ask one of your Asian friends for me?

I'm on holiday visiting the math dept. at Univ. of Manchester, England. I guess I'm an Alan Turist.

I didn't want to believe we were having a trigonometry pop quiz during Math class today...
But when I entered the classroom all the sines were there.

(A twist on a similar construction joke that you may have heard.)

The first day of school I signed up for English, Math, Science and Language. The rest, as they say, was History.

Why can you never get caught with a 0 in math?
because cot(0) doesn't exist

...

This joke... it burns my eyes...

Worst math joke I know.
Two students sit in a geometry class.

One says to the other "I'm cold!"

The other says "go sit in the corner."

"Why?" replies the first.

"Because its 90 degrees!"

The only school shooting I do. Is heroin in math class.

Why did Timmy do his math homework at the gym? He wanted to *work them out*!

Why is a university Philosophy Department always cheaper to fund than the Math Department?
The math department needs paper, pencils, and a wastebasket.

The philosophy department only needs paper and pencils.

some jokes I came up with when I was 10-13 years old
*what does Santa want for Christmas? Hoe Hoe Hoes

*what do hunters like to do? Shoot birds

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*what did the tree say when the math teacher passed by? Gee-I'm-a-tree

my math teacher's joke she told us so, in math class my teacher told us a joke that goes like this: knock knock who's there? interrupting starfish interrup-(places hand on other person's face) we laughed so hard at the teacher's reaction.

What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear? An algae bra.