Contents

Contents

Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"
Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"

Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"

Me: "49"

Interviewer: "that's not even close"

me: "yeah, but it was fast"

I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper. I think he must be plotting something.

How long are math snakes?
3.14 feet. Well, at least the πthon is

(I'm so sorry)

I had a scary math joke... But I'm 2^2 to say it

I failed my math exam because I couldn’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 as Roman numerals IM LIVID

If i got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I'd have $ 6.30 now

I asked my math teacher why 6 was afraid of 7.
She replied, “Approximately 0.3583679495453”.

I stared at her, confused. Seeing my confusion, she added, “You know, cos (789)”

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam I’d have $ 6.30 now

I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

I heard 8/10 Americans are bad at math... Glad to know I'm in the other 2%.

My boss said my math skills are average. That's just mean.

Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said
"You're a lot like a math exam."

I replied "Why? Because I'm long and hard?"

She said, "No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."

My daughter has a math test on Roman numerals. I told her I hope she gets a "C".

So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.

Yeah, it's a math joke
17: Hey 11, want to hear a joke?

11: Sure.

17: What did one prime number say to the other prime number?

11: I give up.

17: "I can't even."

11 and 17 together: HAHAHA!!!!!

2: I don't get it.

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

While most puns make me feel numb... ...Math puns make me feel number.

Not all math puns are bad Just sum

A new study shows that the majority of humans alive today are better at math than Albert Einstein. Because he's dead.

Pakistani math problem.
Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.

He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the explosion.

Why was math so easy in ancient Rome? x always equals 10

I found out what that math teacher with graph paper from yesterday’s joke was plotting.... ...weapons of math instruction.

Why are Chinese kids so good at math? Because their dog doesn’t eat their homework

My math teacher used to call me average. How mean!

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

What did the mermaid forget to bring to math class? Her algae bra

I think my math teacher works for the CIA... He always wants to put radicals in isolation.

Genie: you have three wishes
me: make math go away

Genie: ok, that one's on the house

me: yay, so I still get three wishes?

Genie: huh?

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"
Me: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

Interviewer: "What's 15x26?"

Me: "46"

Interviewer: "That's not even close!"

Me: "Yeah, but it was fast."

My math teacher called me average the other day. I thought it was mean.

I'm starting a business.... I'm gonna do math tutoring, but solely for midgets. I'm calling it Making The Little Things Count.

Today, I made the little things count by teaching math to midgets.....

Math jokes never work on me I have trouble differentiating them. They aren't an integral part of my life and most of the time they just don't add up.

When I was in school, my math teacher called me average. It was mean.

What is the average Math teacher like? Mean.

My math teacher used to call me average.... It was mean.

Math Puns The first sine of madness.

There are TWO kinds of people in this world: People who are good at math, people who are good at telling jokes, and people who aren't good at either.

Make little things count they say. Henceforth I will be teaching midgets some math.

On March 27th, our math teacher burst into class and threatened to cancel Spring Break unless the one who's cheated on all their tests reveals themselves before next month
This is ridiculous!

How are we supposed to catch a cheater in eight days?!

why did hitler fail his math exam he couldn't finish the final solution

States would make a lot more revenue if they taxed people who don't understand math or basic probability. Oh wait. I forgot about the lottery.

It was really romantic to see an 85 year old man and 77 year old woman who were a couple for 65 years. It was horrifying when I did the math.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in a 9th grade math class, which one is the sexiest? The blonde, because she’s the only one who’s 18.

I was never good at english...
so I did math instead.

oh, eh sorry I mean meth.

Why couldn't the A level student date the IB student?
Because a + ib is complex.

(It's a math joke.)

edit: this is not original, heard it from a friend.

"Pi R Squared", said my math teacher. "Bullshit!" I exclaimed. "Pie are round!"

What's the difference between a large pizza and a PhD in math? A large pizza can feed a family.

While most puns make me feel numb, Math puns always makes me feel number.

Kid comes home from school and says 'Dad, we're gunna be rich tomorrow'.
Dad's like 'How?!?!'

'My math teacher said he's gunna teach us converting cents into dollars'.

I won a math debate. Say it out loud. ^

Why was the math book sad? Because it had so many problems.

Breaking news: A teacher was arrested for carrying a protractor, a compass and a divider. The cited reason for the arrest was: " He was carrying weapons of math instruction".

How do you spot muslim immigrants in a math class? They are really bad at integrating.

Why does the cell always fail at Math? It performs division for multiplication.

I was dating a math textbook for a while. Things have been kind of rough lately, and last night I decided to break it off. There were just too many problems.

What kind of math do pimps use?[OC] Trickonometry.

What is Mike Tyson's favorite type of math? Mathturbating.

Why should you never teach a plant math? Because it'll grow square roots

What did Jaden Smith tweet after math class? "How can math be real if our "i"s aren't real?"

What did the math teacher use to kill himself? A hypotenuse.

Why did Hitler fail math class? He couldn't complete The Final Solution

Friend: I got kicked out of math class today.
Me: Why?

Friend: Turns out mouthwash doesn't come after 69.

The math teacher asks little john
"If you have 5 apples and James takes 3 from you, what will you have ? "

little john : a fight sir !

What is a feminist's favorite math class? Triggernometry.

What's long, hard and makes kids scream when I give it to them? A math test.

whats a math teachers favorite soda root beer

The three wishes
Genie: you have three wishes

me: make math go away

Genie: ok, that one's on the house

me: yay, so I still get three wishes?

Genie: huh?

What did one math book say to the other? When am I ever going to use this in real life?

What math subject are Feminists best at? Triggernometry.

I was in the debate team in high school. My best debate was about math. People still say I was the best math debater.

Stalin would do well in my math class: He's got a lot of practice solving by elimination.

An average person tends to be a mean person Math joke.

What math class does a feminist take? Triggernometry

My math teacher told the whole class I'm average... she's mean

What do you call a pessimistic Mexican doing math? Negative Juan.

Betsy DeVos wants to eliminate trigonometry from school math curricula because it teaches our children to sin

What did the math book say to the literature book? You're so full of great stories, I'm just filled with problems

What do my wife and my math teacher have in common? They both love to create problems that I am apparently supposed to solve.

Calculus should be taught in every high school around the world. It is such an integral field of math.

If I got 1$ for every failed math exam... I’d have $ 10.30 now.

All of my friends are jealous when they find out I hooked up with my math teacher in high school But honestly, being homeschooled sucked.

How physicists see other sciences:
Biology: squishy physics

Geology: slow physics

Computer Science: virtual physics

Psychology: people physics

Chemistry: impure physics

Math: physics minus the units

If I had 50 cents for every math exam I've failed I'd have $9.30

What's the difference between a PhD in math and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four

Why are math students so skinny?
Because they buy no meals.

(Binomials)

What's a feminist's favorite math class? Triggernometry.

What's a Brazillian's least favorite math chapter to do? 7-1

What does a Mermaid bring to math class? An algae-bra.

My math teacher asked "should we trust a radical?" I said no, they ain't safe around planes.

How do you get a Mexican across the border using only math? Carry the Juan

SJWs have called for the symbols < and > to be banned from math. Because all numbers are equal.

I'm 99% sure I have trust issues.
Though I'm not sure I trust my math.

Edit: I grammar well

I'm on holiday visiting the math dept. at Univ. of Manchester, England. I guess I'm an Alan Turist.

My Indian engineering teacher told us this today Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."

my math teacher's joke she told us so, in math class my teacher told us a joke that goes like this: knock knock who's there? interrupting starfish interrup-(places hand on other person's face) we laughed so hard at the teacher's reaction.

What's the difference between an art school student and a monkey? Monkeys can do math.

We need to make the little things count; Teach the midgets math.