Hilarious Walk Into A Bar Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Walk Into A Bar Jokes

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .

Score: 24914

Score: 21665

A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks. "We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says bartender.

Score: 16313

An infinite number of people walk into a bar... The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...

The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.

Score: 11990

Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says "what's your story?" Caveman says... Bear with me...

Score: 11974

A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Ceasar walk into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.

Score: 6013

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar... An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...

The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave.

Score: 2342

Two fat ladies walk into a bar They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

Score: 2313

An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Northern Irishman walk into a bar The Englishman wants to leave, so they all have to.

Score: 2011

A feminist and a Muslim walk into a bar. - comedy removed due to complaints -

Score: 1694

An ego and a superego walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'll have to see some id"

Score: 1615

Two blondes walk into a bar You’d think the second one would have ducked

Score: 1438

An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar I know because they told me.

Score: 1413

(Nerdy joke) Two chicks walk into a bar... Two chicks walk into a bar. One says to the other,"Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test?" The other says,"Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day."

Score: 1331

An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

Score: 1321

A priest, a paedophile and a rapist walk into a bar And that was just the first guy

Score: 1099

Three logicians walk into a bar.. The bartender asks, "would all three of you like some beer?"

The first one replies,"I don't know"

The second one replies, "I don't know either"

The third replies, "Yes all three of us would like a beer"

Score: 964

George R. R. Martin, Patrick Rothfuss, and Scott Lynch walk into a bar I'll finish writing the rest of this joke soon.

Score: 960

A black man and an autistic man walk into a bar The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead

Score: 860

Three feminists walk into a bar. They look at one another and say, "Hooray! We've taken over a male-dominated joke format!"

Score: 835

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar… followed by Batman.

Score: 821

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

Score: 650

Sixteen sodiums walk into a bar... ...followed by Batman.

Score: 642

Three logicians walk into a bar The bartender asks: "Do you all want a drink?"

The first logician says: "I don't know."

The second logician says: "I don't know."

The third logician says: "Yes."

Score: 559

A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"

Score: 557

Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorus walk into a bar. The bartender says: "OH SNaP"

Score: 501

A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar... The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.

Score: 499

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Do all of you want a drink?" The first logician says, "I don't know."
The second logician says, "I don't know."
The third logician says, "Yes!"

Score: 422

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

Score: 389

The Minnesota Vikings walk into a bar To watch the Super Bowl

Score: 361

An atheist, vegan, and crossfitter walk into a bar I don't know what happened because I left

Score: 331

20 men walk into a bar Worst game of limbo I've ever seen.

Score: 281

Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve bacteria here.” The bacteria say, “But we work here, we’re staph"

Score: 203

Two guys walk into a bar. Psyche! It's just another United Airlines joke.

Score: 154

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"

Score: 145

A vegan, a girl with a boyfriend and a student walk into a bar.. Who tells you first?

Score: 130

Three helium atoms walk into a bar HeHeHe

Score: 125

I walk into a bar... ... And the waitress runs up to me and says. Please tell me you know CPR. I said, "LADY! not only that I know the whole alphabet". The whole bar was laughing, all except one guy...

Score: 118

A Russian spy, a Klansman, and televangelist walk into a bar. Bartender says, "Sorry. Republican Convention is next door."

Score: 105

A priest, a rabbi, and a chicken walk into a bar. The bartender says "Nope! We don't do jokes here, get out!"
And the chicken says, "Come on guys, I know a place across the street."

Score: 98

New Walk Into A Bar Jokes

Water and heat walk into a bar... It was steamy..

Score: 10

Two bacteria walk into a bar, then into the staff area. The barman says “get out!”

The bacteria say “don’t worry, we’re staph”

Score: 15

A rapist, a bigot, and a pathological liar walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What'll you have, Mr. President?"

Score: 62

Gold and Silver walk into a bar... The bartender says, "Ey you, get outta here!"

So Gold left.

Score: 71

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar It was very tense

Score: 26

Two dragons walk into a bar, the first one says “it’s hot in here”... the other says, “shut your mouth”.

Credit to Jimmy Carr

Score: 17

A blonde and brunette walk into a bar... You think one of them would have seen it.

Score: 10

Three disabled people walk into a bar. Praise the Lord!!!

Score: 19

E-Flat, A-Flat, and B-Flat walk into a bar.. ..the bartender says, "Get lost, kids. We don't serve minors."

Score: 26

A plus sign, a multiplication sign , and a minus sign walk into a bar. The bartender serves the multiplication sign first, then he serves the plus sign, and the minus sign from left to right and a bunch of people from Facebook don't know why.

Score: 15

An acid and a base walk into a bar The police later arrested the two for a salt.

Score: 12

A German and a jew walk into a bar... The German farts.
The jew starts crying and says "Not again".

Score: 46

Two overachievers walk into a bar Clearly the bar wasn't set high enough.

Score: 65

Two chemists walk into a bar. One asks for a glass of H*_2_*O.

The other one says, "I'll have a glass of H*_2_*O too."

He dies.

Score: 19

[Walks into a bar] Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles walk into a bar. Then they both walk into a wall. Then Stevie walks into a chair. You can probably see where this is going... too bad they can't.

Score: 8

Two chemists walk into a bar... The first chemist says "I'll have some H20"

The second chemist says, "I'll have some H20 as well."

The first chemist kicks himself as his assassination attempt fails.

Score: 91

Oxygen and potassium walk into a bar The bartender said "Ok"

Score: 32

Two CPU's walk into a bar... Which one pays?

[the one with more cache](#s)

Score: 63

Four lawyers walk into a bar Two pass and two have to try again next year.

Score: 8

A lawyer, a spy, a money launderer, and a mob boss walk into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says, "you must be here to talk about adoption".

Score: 24

A spy, an adulterer, and a guy who launders money for the Russian mob walk into a bar... The bartender says "What'll it be, Mr. President?"

Score: 60

Two fonts walk into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, we don't serve fonts here!" But they sat down anyways because they were **bold**.

Score: 7

A vegan, a Mensa member, and a guy who doesn't own a TV walk into a bar. How do we know this? Because they told everyone.

Score: 9

Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says "I want some H2O."

The second one says "I want some H2O too!"

The second one dies.

Score: 7

Two guys walk into a bar... The first guy asks for H2O. The second guy says that sounds good, I'll have H2O too.

The second guy dies.

Score: 12

Two lesbians walk into a bar... One of them orders vodka, and the other one asks why.
She says she likes a hard liquor.

Score: 9

The Beach Boys walk into a bar... "Round?"

"Round?"

"Get a round"

"I get a round"

Score: 14

The president, a business man, and a national security leak walk into a bar... ... and order a drink. The bartender pours one beer and says, "Here you go, Mr Trump."

Score: 7

The Washington Capitals walk into a bar. Everybody orders a drink. They all finish drinking and order another. The Bartender asks if they would like to start a tab. Ovechkin comes out and says, "No, thanks. We always stop at the second round."

Score: 9

The past, present and future all walk into a bar It was very tense

Score: 15

A Priest, rapist and murderer walk into a bar. And he orders a drink

Score: 74

Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”

Score: 10

2 Jews walk into a bar... mitzvah

Score: 9

Sean Spicer, United Airlines CEO and Pepsi's PR team walk into a bar... They're all getting fired, so drinking on a Tuesday is acceptable.

Score: 12

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first asks for a pint of blood.

The second asks for blood on the rocks.

The third asks for hot water and as the bartender is about to ask why the vampire pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm just gonna have a tea."

Score: 8

An infinite amount of Mathematicians walk into a bar... Then they all die due to infinite mass in finite space.

Score: 12

Two over-acheivers walk into a bar. Clearly the bar wasn't set high enough.

Score: 22

Kim Kardashian, Pitbull and Amy Schumer walk into a bar. They set it lower.

Score: 44

Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, and Paul Ryan walk into a bar... The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die.

Score: 35

A priest, a child molester, and a rapist walk into a bar... He sits down and has a drink

Score: 33

[Music] Two A's. An E and a C walk into a bar The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve minors"

Score: 25

Putin, Obama and Trump walk into a bar... ... the bartender looks up and says: "This isn't funny anymore!"

Score: 9

A rapist, a businessman and a Russian spy walk into a bar The bartender says: "what may I get for you Mr. President?

Score: 20

A rat along with two of his best buddies walk into a bar the bar had to be shut down due to health violations.

Score: 7

A rabbi, priest, and lawyer walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Score: 12

A failed tv presenter, a disgraced newspaper editor and a phone hacker walk into a bar.... ..and the barman says "What'll it be, Piers?"

Score: 23

Two whales walk into a bar.... The first one says: "AOOOOOUUUUUOOOUUUUGGGAAAAUUUOOOOOOOOOOAAAAGOOOOGGGGUUUUUAAAAAAAAA"

The second one says: " Go home steve, your drunk

Score: 11

A crossfitter, a Texan, and a vegan walk into a bar. How do you know? They all tell you within 3 seconds.

Score: 15

A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

Score: 23

A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar. The Giraffe gets drunk and falls on the floor unconscious.
The bartender says "you can't leave that lyin' there."
The man says "its not a Lion, its a Giraffe"

Score: 80

A liar, A cheat, and a sore loser walk into a bar. The bartender says:

What'll it be Mrs.Clinton?

Score: 26

A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar The bar tender looks at him for a few seconds and finally says " alright, you can stay..just don't start anything"

Score: 25

An atheist and a vegan walk into a bar... The only reason I know this is because they both told everybody.

Score: 13

Two nice guys didn't walk into a bar They both insists they would hold the door for each others.

Score: 9

A group of Germans walk into a BAR... after 20 rounds there are no survivors.

Score: 17

two bears walk into a bar no one survived.

Score: 52

Three blondes walk into a bar You think one of them would have seen it

Score: 7

One hundred bacteria walk into a bar... of soap and get eradicated. There is only one survivor.

Score: 9

A crossfitter, an atheist, and a vegan walk into a bar I only know because they told everyone.

Score: 90

So a Nun, a Rabi, a Lion, a Zombie, a Leprechaun, a goldfish, a Space Alien, a pair of Siamese twins, and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

Score: 9