Walk Into A Bar Jokes

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Funniest Walk Into A Bar Jokes

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar You can't tell me that's just a coincidence .

Score: 24914
Funny Walk Into A Bar Jokes
Score: 21665

A nihilist, a socialist, and a neo-marxist walk into a bar and order drinks. "We don't sell alcohol to anyone under 18", says bartender.

Score: 16313

An infinite number of people walk into a bar... The first orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a quarter beer. The fourth orders an eighth of a beer...


The bartender pulls out two beers and tells them to know their limits.

Score: 11990

Joke I made up: Caveman and a bear walk into a bar. Bartender says "what's your story?" Caveman says... Bear with me...

Score: 11974

A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Ceasar walk into a bar. He came, he saw, he conquered.

Score: 6013

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar... An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...

The Englishman wanted to go so they all had to leave.

Score: 2342

Two fat ladies walk into a bar They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies "Wales!"

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

Score: 2313

An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Northern Irishman walk into a bar The Englishman wants to leave, so they all have to.

Score: 2011

A feminist and a Muslim walk into a bar. - comedy removed due to complaints -

Score: 1694

An ego and a superego walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'll have to see some id"

Score: 1615

Two blondes walk into a bar You’d think the second one would have ducked

Score: 1438

An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar I know because they told me.

Score: 1413

(Nerdy joke) Two chicks walk into a bar... Two chicks walk into a bar. One says to the other,"Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test?" The other says,"Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day."

Score: 1331

An atheist, a vegan, and a crossfitter walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

Score: 1321

A priest, a paedophile and a rapist walk into a bar And that was just the first guy

Score: 1099

Three logicians walk into a bar.. The bartender asks, "would all three of you like some beer?"

The first one replies,"I don't know"

The second one replies, "I don't know either"

The third replies, "Yes all three of us would like a beer"

Score: 964

George R. R. Martin, Patrick Rothfuss, and Scott Lynch walk into a bar I'll finish writing the rest of this joke soon.

Score: 960

A black man and an autistic man walk into a bar The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead

Score: 860

Three feminists walk into a bar. They look at one another and say, "Hooray! We've taken over a male-dominated joke format!"

Score: 835

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar… followed by Batman.

Score: 821

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

Score: 650

Sixteen sodiums walk into a bar... ...followed by Batman.

Score: 642

Three logicians walk into a bar The bartender asks: "Do you all want a drink?"

The first logician says: "I don't know."

The second logician says: "I don't know."

The third logician says: "Yes."

Score: 559

A Cuban, a Canadian, and a white supremacist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Ah, Senator Cruz, what are you having?"

Score: 557

Oxygen, Hydrogen, Sulfur, Sodium, and Phosphorus walk into a bar. The bartender says: "OH SNaP"

Score: 501

A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar... The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.

Score: 499

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Do all of you want a drink?" The first logician says, "I don't know."
The second logician says, "I don't know."
The third logician says, "Yes!"

Score: 422

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

Score: 389

The Minnesota Vikings walk into a bar To watch the Super Bowl

Score: 361

I had posted this on Clean Jokes, just thought you guys would appreciate it. So, The Past, Present, and Future all walk into a bar
It was tense.

Score: 216

A vegan, a girl with a boyfriend and a student walk into a bar.. Who tells you first?

Score: 130

Mao Zedong, Stalin, Hitler, and Ellen Pao walk into a bar... (user was banned for this post)

Score: 90

A crossfitter, an atheist, and a vegan walk into a bar I only know because they told everyone.

Score: 90

An atheist, a vegan, and a cross fit enthusiast walk into a bar. And everyone knows because he won't shut up about it.

Score: 45

A failed tv presenter, a disgraced newspaper editor and a phone hacker walk into a bar.... ..and the barman says "What'll it be, Piers?"

Score: 23

An atheist and a vegan walk into a bar... The only reason I know this is because they both told everybody.

Score: 13

Matt Schaub and Eli Manning walk into a bar. What happened? They order a beer sampler and the bartender tells them to pick 6.

Score: 12

Putin, Obama and Trump walk into a bar... ... the bartender looks up and says: "This isn't funny anymore!"

Score: 9

So a Nun, a Rabi, a Lion, a Zombie, a Leprechaun, a goldfish, a Space Alien, a pair of Siamese twins, and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

Score: 9

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New Walk Into A Bar Jokes

A Pittsburg Steelers fan and his wife, cousin, and sister walk into a bar. Only 2 people walked in.

Score: 3

A Czech, a Russian, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. No one remembers much after that...

Score: 0

A conservative, a guns-rights activist, a pro-life demonstrator and a Trum supporter walk into a bar. The bartender says: \- I'm sorry, gentlemen! The nursing home is right across the road.

Score: 0

Two chemists walk into a bar. the first one says, “I would like some H2O.” And the bartender gives him his drink. Then the second chemist said “I would like H2O too.” He died shortly after...

Score: 3

Rabbi, priest and pastor walk into a bar and bartender says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

Score: 1

A Jew and a donkey walk into a bar Punchline is same as joke #267

Score: 1

Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says, "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh". The next whale says, "Shut up, Steve. You're drunk."

Score: 0

A Marine and a SEAL walk into a bar... The Marine gets a beer

The SEAL gets a book deal

Score: 1

A bunch of law school students walk into a bar exam.

“Law school has prepared you for this” said the proctor.

Score: 2

A vegan, an atheist and a mobile dev walk into a bar You might have already noticed that...

Score: 2

An Atheist, a Christian and a Buddhist all walk into a bar. What a diverse neighborhood.

Score: 1

A black guy and his parrot walk into a bar The bartender says wow that's really cool where did you get it

The parrot says Africa

Score: 6

The Avengers and Thanos walk into a bar... Walks into a bar

Score: 1

A priest, a monk and a rabbi walk into a bar. Ow!

Ow!

Oy!

Score: 7

13 left handed belt buckles walk into a bar... ....bartender picks up the phone, looks at the 5th left handed belt buckle in line and says "well ill be damned, if it isnt one ball bill"

Score: 1

[Gaming] Ekko, Tracer and Maxine Caulfield walk into a bar. Ekko, Tracer and Maxine Caulfield walk into a bar.

Score: 1

An Irish man, a woman, and PETA walk into a bar. Whoops, sorry the joke already got stolen and euthanized by PETA.

Score: 3

A conservatives and a liberals walk into a bar Atleast that's what they tell everybody 10 seconds after they entered the bar

Score: 0

Tom Brady, Hilary Clinton, and Urban Meyer walk into a bar. None of them can get an Uber home because they've all destroyed their cell phones.

Score: 1

A battery, a mule, and a fish walk into a bar. The mule orders a beer. "I'm off the wagon," he explains.

The battery orders a juice. "AA all the way," it says.

"And for you, sir?" The bartender asks the fish. "Water," it croaks, and collapses.

Score: 2

A woman and a goose walk into a bar The bartender asks, "Why did you bring the pig into the bar?"
The woman answers, "Why, I do believe this is a goose not a pig!"
The bartender says, "I was talking to the goose!"

Score: 3

Two 15 year old boys walk into a bar... They're both refused service for being underaged.

Score: 1

Two peanut walk into a bar One was a-salted

Score: 4

Two people with severe ADHD walk into a bar I’m not sure what We we’re talking about.

Score: 3

An atheist, a feminist, and a Trump supporter walk into a bar I know because they each told me within the first 10 seconds of meeting them.

Score: 1

A Star Wars fan, a bitcoin investor and an anti-Trumper walk into a bar... Which one tells you about it first?

Score: 2

Thor and Pikachu walk into a bar and get in a fight with the bartender. They were both overcharged.

Score: 7

Three recovering gambling addicts walk into a bar. What are the odds?

Score: 1

A Russian lawyer, an ex spy and the presidents son walk into a bar... ... and talk about adoption.

Score: 1

It's better to read this aloud A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
The giraffe falls asleep on the floor.
The bartender asks the man "What's that lyin' there?".
The man says "That's not a lion, that's a giraffe.".

Score: 1

A Font Designer and a Police Officer Walk Into a Bar... The font designer leaves sans sheriff.

Score: 4

A blonde, a drunk, a liar, and a loser walk into a bar to order a couple drinks... The bartender says: "There's my favorite customer! What will it be this time Ms. Clinton?"

Edit: Hahaha everyone's so butthurt. It's just a joke...

Score: 5

A Christian, a Jew, and a Black Guy walk into a bar. They all sit quietly and watch the Cleveland Browns game.

Score: 2

An autistic and a vegan walk into a bar You only know because they mention it every other sentence

Score: 2

Chris Brown and Ray Rice and walk into a bar... I'd tell you the rest of the joke, but they beat me to the punchline.

Score: 1

A giraffe is the only animal that can walk into a bar and say ... ' The Highballs are on me'

Score: 1

A vegan, a gap year student and a girl with a boyfriend walk into a bar Who tells you first?

Score: 3

A feminist, a fat person and a Hitler walk into a bar... Feminism is bad.

Score: 2

A mailman, a boy, and a unicorn walk into a bar. The woman gets a concussion, some stitches, and a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder.

Score: 6

A crossdresser, a vegan and an athiest walk into a bar I only know because it's reposted every week

Score: 5

A vegan and a crossfit walk into a bar A vegan and a crossfit walk into a bar. how do i know that it was a vegan and a crossfit? they told everyone

Score: 1

An atheist, a vegan, and a marathon runner walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

Score: 3

A vegan, an atheist and a person who does cross fit walk into a bar... And within 5 seconds I know all of this because they won't stop telling everyone.

Score: 2

2 men walk into a bar The third one ducks.

Score: 3

2 deer walk into a bar An hour later they walk out and one says to the other, "Man, I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there."

Score: 3

A Cambodian, a Vietnamese, a Laotian, a Malaysian and a Burmese walk into a bar The barman refuses to serve them because they don't have any Thais

Score: 1

Two blondes and a stripper walk into a bar. The second blonde should have seen it coming.
The stripper usually does.

Score: 3

101 nails walk into a bar, the bartender says I can't serve you here because you're already hammered

Score: 2

A Presbyterian, a lawyer, a blonde, and a dog walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Score: 2

Three guys walk into a bar You'd think one of them would've seen it

Score: 4

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