Dinosaur Jokes

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Funniest Dinosaur Jokes

Courtesy of my 6yo daughter: What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth? A Flossiraptor

So I saw that the new dinosaur in Jurassic Park is a hybrid Guess that makes it Priustoric

Funny Dinosaur Jokes

What dinosaur has the best teeth? A flossiraptor.

Why should you never fight a dinosaur You will get jurasskicked

What do you call a dinosaur who lost their gold? A dinosr

Upon reexamination, groundbreaking research suggests a new theory of dinosaur extinction Traffic accidents. Amongst the thousands of dinosaurs unearthed, not one has been found wearing a seat belt.

What do you call a black dinosaur Tyroneosaurus

What do you call a dinosaur with clean teeth? A Flossaraptor

What do you call a dinosaur without gold? A dinosr

Can a crappy dinosaur joke get a laugh? You bet Jurassican.

If you watch Godzilla backwards it's about a dinosaur that passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.

What do you call a dinosaur with a broken leg? An owmilegisaur

Which dinosaur named all the others? The Thesaurus

What do you call a dinosaur that only eats the most delicious food? A connoisaur

TIL there was a dinosaur that had three butts. It was from the Triassic period.

What do you call it when a Dinosaur can't perform in bed? A reptile dysfunction.




Thank high me for that one.

What do you a call a dinosaur that drinks tea? A Tea-rex.

My 5 year old likes to tell me this. It makes me chuckle.

Two dinosaurs standing on a cliff As they're looking out to sea an ark floats past. One dinosaur turns to the other one and says,


'Oh, was that today?'

What do you call a dinosaur without gold? Dinosr

Did the dinosaur era actually exist? You bet Jurassic did

What did the dinosaur say while it was being compressed? RAR.

One from my 3yo - why did the dinosaur cross the road? To eat the chicken

Going to a restaurant alone makes me feel like a dinosaur in Jurassic Park Everyone is just there to watch me eat.

You all like dinosaurs...right? What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

***A thesaurus***

My wife told me to chill with the dinosaur jokes. I told her Jurassicing a lot of me.

Yes it is terrible, yes I am a dad and yes ill stop scrolling and go to bed now. Salam my friends.

Why did the paleontologist measure the height of a dinosaur using a T-Rex's foot? Jurassic times call for Jurassic
Measures.

What would you call it when a dinosaur gets into a car crash? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks

What was the last dinosaur to become extinct? The Toys R Us

What do you call a dinosaur that doesn't accept its gender? A Tranasaurus Rex

How would a dinosaur find its mate today ? with carbon dating

Why couldn't the dinosaur cross the road? There were no roads!

What do you call a dinosaur with good dental hygiene? A flossiraptor

I asked the librarian if she knew of any authors who wrote dinosaur novels. She said "Try Sarah Topps!"

What does a dinosaur say when he hurts himself? Dino sore.

Please forgive me for the dad joke.

How can you tell if someone’s a psychiatrist? Check their feet. If they are wearing dinosaur socks, they are a psychiatrist.

It’s a simple roar sock test.

What if dinosaur bones were only found on Earth... Because aliens used this planet as a pet cemetery?

What kind of dinosaur avoids manual labour? Mybakisaur.

This week, paleontologists discovered a blind dinosaur They named him Doyouthinkhesaurus

What do you call a dinosaur that's in a hurry? A Prontosaur.

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New Dinosaur Jokes

What do you call a dinosaur who DJs? Diplo-docus

(I’m so sorry)

Did you hear about the dinosaur that couldn't stop coughing? It was a bronchitisaurus.

What do you call a dinosaur that knows all the words? A thesaurus.

Scientists say they discovered a rare breed of dinosaur known for infidelity It was called Doyouthinkhesaurus

Why did the DINOSAUR cross the road ? Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

How does a British dinosaur like it’s steak? RAWR

Why did the dinosaur whip Kim Kardashian? Because he wanted to give her a biga-sauras

My parents said I can get a dinosaur for my birthday!! Update: They gave me a parrot..

what came first the ckicken or the egg the dinosaur

Why didn't the T-Rex workout today? He was dinosaur

What do you call a dinosaur that explodes? Well I don’t know but the Dinomite.

A new species of dinosaur that mates with its mother has been discovered They’re calling it the Oedipus Rex.

What do you call a dinosaur with many names? A thesaurus

What sound does a dinosaur make? "I want this printed"

Why didn't the dinosaur go to jail when he stole the other dinosaur's eggs? Because he had diplodocus immunity.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road? They hadn't evolved into chickens yet

What do we call a dinosaur that had a really hard workout yesterday? A MegaSore

So there I was, baby oil in one hand, dinosaur glove puppet snugly on the other one. I felt pretty stupid when the titles rolled and I realised the dvd was actually called *Walking* with dinosaurs

So ever since new years my son has been making dinosaur noises. Hes really getting into the roaring 20's

How do you hide a dinosaur from the government? You take jurassic measures.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A Thesaurus.

What do you call a dinosaur that's just been bummed? Mega-sore-arse

What do you call a dinosaur that never skips chest day? Tyranno-Sorest Pecs

...I’ll show myself out

I took my son to the library today He is really into dinosaur books, so I asked the librarian if she knew of any good authors of dinosaur books.

She said "Try Sarah Topps"

What do you call a dinosaur that's always in a hurry? A pronto-saurus.

What was the tastiest dinosaur to have roamed the Earth? Steakosaurus

What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur Tyrannosourest Rex

What do you call a dinosaur in a hurry? A prontosaurus.

What do you call a dinosaur that just got done with a light workout? A Kindasaur

What do you say to invite a dinosaur to brunch? “Tea, Rex?”

What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him? Do you want some tea, Rex.

What dinosaur is a writer's best friend? Thesaurus

What do you call dinosaur without it’s gold? A dinosr!

Dinosaur joke What do you call a dinosaur who can control thunder?


Brachio-thor-rus


Sorry I thought of this and had to share, to find out if I had read it here or if it's the rarity of an original-ish joke

What do you call a dinosaur with a great vocabulary? A Dino-Thesaurus

What do you call a dinosaur that wont move? A STAYgosaurus (it doesnt really work but ya know you better laught :B)

My battery powered dinosaur toy has stopped working. I guess it just has a bad case of e-reptile dysfunction.

What do you call a female Dinosaur with herpes? A Gina-sore.
I am drunk and watching Jurassic Park. Forgive me if this had been thought of before, I assume it had but it made us laugh a lot. Have a great night!

What do you call a dinosaur that likes to work out? Tricepsaresore

What do you call a dinosaur playing hide and seek? Doyouthinkhesaurus

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Long Dinosaur Jokes

65,000,011 years ago

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at some dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"

Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"

Three dinosaurs find a magic lamp with a genie inside.

The genie says “I can give you all one wish. Anything your heart desires!”

The first dinosaur says “I want a big piece of juicy meat!” And he is given the biggest piece of meat for miles.

The second dinosaur, in an attempt to one up the first says “I want a meat shower!” And he is showered in delicious meat.

The third dinosaur, not to be outdone by the other two says “I want a meatier shower!”

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!

"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!

"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.

And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!

"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.

And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.

Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.

"I wish for a meatier shower!"

A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar

All three sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed. The bartender asks them what their troubles are.
The Cowboy takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic, and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Cause a whole big explosion and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my dear hubby."
The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the dinosaur his story.
The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"

The dinosaur at the museum

A guy is visiting a museum and he sees a dinosaur's skeleton.

Curious about it, he asks the guard next to it:

- Excuse me, sir. How old is this dinosaur?

- It is 65 million years, 4 months and 13 days old.

Amazed by his answer, he says:

- Wow!, How can you be so precise about it?

- Well, when I first started working here, they told me it was 65 million years old... and that was 4 months and 13 days ago.

Long ago, when dinosaurs walked the earth,...

A young Tyrannosaurus Rex was out on the hunt when he stopped to take a drink from a nearby lake.

There, cooling off in the water, he saw the most beautiful Triceratops in all of Pangea. He asked her her name and invited her to go out hunting but she told him she wasn't really into that kind of thing.

The T-Rex liked her anyway though so they started going together.

Even though his parents complained that it was awkward at Christmas dinner and all his friends laughed about how she had him eating salads, he still asked her to marry him.

He was happier because he'd never met a dinosaur like herbivore.

Some puns

•    How does Moses make tea ?   Hebrews it. 


•    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

   
•    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo. 

   
•    I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.  It's syncing now. 

   
•    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

   
•    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. 

   
•    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.  

   
•    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.   I just can't put it down.

   
•    I did a theatrical performance about puns.   It was a play on words. 

   
•    Why were the Indians here first ?   They had reservations. 

   
•    I didn't like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me. 

   
•    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils ? 

 
•    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?   A thesaurus. 

   
•    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

3 dinosaurs find a magic lamp in a river

A genie pops out and says “I will grant each one of you one wish!” The first dinosaur thinks and says “I wish for a huge piece of meat!”. The genie smiles and a big, juicy steak appears in front of him. Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur says “I wish for a shower of meats!!” The genie snaps his fingers and it begins to rain freshly cooked steaks. The last dinosaur thinks for a bit and then finally gets an idea. Not to be outdone, he says, “I wish for an even meater shower!”

A few originals (hopefully) by me.

I read an article the other day that said women named Rachel are 10x more likely to get pulled over by the police...

Another terrible example of Rachel profiling.


_______


What do you call a dinosaur that is attempting to get his girlfriend to try new things in the bedroom?


TryAnalSaurasRex

(or the worse version TryAnalSoreAssSex)

__________

Did you know that honey contains bee vitamins?

________

This next one can only be used when its snowing.

You start by telling somebody that you are the reason for the snow. They will roll their eyes and ask how, then tell this story.


"Years ago I attended a Native American ceremony, the chief of the tribe took a liking to me and actually taught me how to perform a traditional rain dance. Year after year I practiced and perfected the dance, and eventually I started to make improvements to it. It's pretty much the same dance, but a lot cooler."

______

There once was a mountain who was afraid of everything. His biggest dream was to be able to jump through a hula hoop. He was always too afraid to try, though he knew he could do it if he was just a little bolder.

_____

They still need work, but I like them.

An old couple visits the Natural History Museum.

An old couple visits the Natural History Museum and walks over to a large dinosaur skeleton on display.

"How old is this particular skeleton?" the old man asks one of the curators

"Well this one is 65 million years, 14 weeks and 3 days old" she replies

"Wow that's very specific, was that determined through carbon dating or some other method?" asks the old lady

"Actually, when I started working here they told me it was 65 million years old. That was 14 weeks and 3 days ago." the curator happily explains

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones.

Some tourists in the Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old these bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 65,000,011 years old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were sixty five million years old when I started working here, and that was eleven years ago."

A dinosaur goes to a supermarket

A dinosaur goes to the supermarket to do some grocery shopping. He gets to the register and the worker scans all his items. When all the scanning is done, and the dinosaur has to pay, the worker asks:

'So how are you paying today?'

The dinosaur replies:

'With tyrannosaurus checks.'

A guy went to museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit.

A guy went to museum to see a dinosaur bone exhibit. He walks around the galleries and is quite impressed by the reconstruction of these ancient animals--a T-rex, a triceratops and more. He sees a guy who works for the museum standing near one of them and says to him. "They're quite a sight. How old are they anyhow?"

The guy who works for the museum, says, "This one, the T Rex, is 66 million years old and six months."

"Wow, the guy responds that is amazing that they can be that specific. How do you know?"

"Well," the guy responds. "He was 66 millions years old six months ago and that's when I started working here."

Some tourists are marveling at dinosaur bones in a museum.

One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"

The guard replies, "They are 70 million, four years, and six months old."

"That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"

The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were 70 million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."

Museum Security

There was a man who was an aspiring archaeologist and he was curious about dinosaurs and fossils. He went to a museum and saw a giant fossil skeleton of a T-Rex, but he didn’t know the age, however. He asked the security guard nearby “Hey do you know how old that dinosaur fossil is?” The security guard replied “65 million and 3 years old!” The man was intrigued by the age of the fossil but confused . “How do you know it’s exactly 65 million and 3 years old?, that seems very specific for carbon dating to me!” The security guard replied “ Well, it was 65 million years old when I first started working here, 3 years ago.“

I need some dinosaur jokes for my grandson's lunchbox notes!

He has Asperger's and loooooves dinosaurs. We are running out of easy little quick dinosaur jokes to put in his lunchbox! Anyone got anything good? Thank you!! : )

(Here are some examples of ones we've used: "What do you do if you run into a blue Dilophosaurus? Try to cheer him up!" or "What do you call a plated dinosaur when he sleeps? A StegoSNOREus!")

Two scientists walk into a bar

The first orders some H2O, the second exclaims "I'll have some H2O too!

The bartender, deciding not to be a dinosaur hammer, gives the scientist water instead of showing off his chemistry skills, preventing the second scientist from dying.

Master list of dad jokes

Why shouldn’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll “Let It Go”!

What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it

What do you get when a witch goes to the beach? A sand-witch!

Where do cows go on Friday nights? To the mooooo-vies!

What did the mommy tomato say to the baby tomato? C’mon, ketchup!

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because he wasn’t “peeling” well!

What did one snowman say to the other? Do you smell carrots?

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with!

What is a pirate’s favorite letter? Arrrrrr!

What does a piece of toast wear to bed? His pa-JAM-as!

What does one eye say to the other eye? Something between us smells

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!

What happens when an egg laughs? It cracks up!

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

Why didn’t the teddy bear want dessert? Because he was stuffed!

Why can’t you tell a joke while ice skating? Because the ice might crack up!

What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!

What’s mommy and daddy’s favorite ride at the carnival? A married-go-round!

How did Cookie Monster feel after eating all the cookies? Pretty crummy!

What do you call a skunk who flies in a helicopter? A smelly-copter!

What do you get when you shake a cow? A milkshake!

How do you catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

Why did the bee get married? Because she found her honey!

What did the ocean say to their airplane? Nothing, it just waved!

Where do eskimo pigs live? In pig-loos.

What’s a dinosaur called when it’s sleeping? A dino-snore!

What did the cookie say to the annoying cookie? Crumb on!

Why did Mickey Mouse go up in space? To find Pluto!

What does Olaf eat for lunch? Icebergers!

What letter is always wet? The C!

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