Farm Jokes

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Funniest Farm Jokes

Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald's Farm... I’m the CIEIO

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Funny Farm Jokes
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I was walking passed a farm and a sign said ‘Duck, eggs’. I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.

Score: 624

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper

Score: 592

Old McDonald had a farm... 2.71828 √(-1) 2.71828 √(-1) (5-5)

Score: 242

I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…” – and then it hit me.

Score: 227

After years of poor yields, Old McDonald will have to sell his farm... ... to cover what he e-i-e-i owes.

Score: 170

My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing weed on his cow farm. I told him it wasn’t a good idea. The steaks would be too high.

Score: 161

Why did the cows return to the marijuana farm? It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Score: 151

Just got the job at the old McDonald farm... I'm now the CIEIO

Score: 141

Do you remember when people didn't have to make pop culture references to make a joke? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

Score: 119

The hard of hearing stoner... got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.

Score: 109

Latvian man goes to buy iPhone.. Premise ridiculous! iPhone cannot be use to farm potato.
Also, salesman die of malnourish.

Score: 104

What do a farm and hospital have in common? Too many vegetables for one person to take care of.

Score: 96

What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock? Barns and no-bulls.

(This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)

Score: 95

Why did the tractor sell medicines? Because it was a farm assist!


... I'm sorry...

Score: 91

I got a job as the senior administrator of the old McDonald farm I’m the CIEIO

Score: 91

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!

Score: 78

Two windmills are in a wind farm. One turns to the other and asks, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other says, "I'm a huge metal fan."

Score: 76

In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken. Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

Score: 71

When I'm single I go straight to the farm and collect eggs It's the best place place to pick up chicks.

Score: 63

I got a promotion at the farm I'm the new CIEIO

Score: 62

Why is it risky to tell secrets on a farm? The corn have ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beanstalk.

Score: 61

I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time Alpaca lunch.

Score: 58

The internet connection in my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi.

Score: 56

What do blacks and apples have in common? If they're not being sold on a farm they're hanging from a tree.

Da ho, no I didnt.

Score: 53

There was a bad storm that broke the chicken coop causing a farmer to lose a few chickens. After the storm he asked his farm hand how many chickens were left.

“16 chickens, sir.”

“Alright, round them up, please.”

“20 chickens, sir.”

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My boyfriend just started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper

Score: 41

I got a new job today at Old MacDonald’s Farm I’m going to be the CIEIO

Score: 40

McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm He's their CIEIO

Score: 40

I recently got a job at a Vegetable farm. It's hard work, but i get a decent celery.

Score: 20

I just got a job as Senior director at old MacDonald's farm I'm the CIEIO

Score: 13

Two cow talking in a field The first one ask :
"aren't you afraid about this terrible disease from the neighbor's farm called" mad cow" ? "

The second one looked at her, surprised, and answered :
" I don't care... I'm a rabbit"

Score: 8

After I left my farm to join the army, I learned that my wife bought a new tractor to replace my labor. She wrote me a "John Deere" letter.

Score: 8

I was going to grow a fungus farm in my backyard but there wasn't mushroom.

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I'm trying to decide whether to start a honey farm. To bee, or not to bee. That is the question.

Score: 6

What do you call a person who used to be a fan of farm machinery? An ex-tractor fan

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What do you call Santa after he retires and buys a farm? A Jolly Rancher

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You shouldn't say "i helped my uncle jack off a horse" Instead you should say "I spent the summer working on my uncle's husbandry farm."

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A distraught farmer asked a preacher what would happen if he killed a beaver who had begun working near the canal by his farm. "Damned if you do, dammed if you don't."

Score: 3

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New Farm Jokes

Bars ordered to close by government should file for farm income support ...after all they're business is barley, corn and rye.

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How is a piece of farm equipment with headlights similar to the Starship Enterprise? They both have tractor beams!

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Tried to set up my friend with a guy who works on a dill farm She said it’s a dill breaker.

Score: 1

What advice does Fleetwood Mac give for the keeping of farm animals? You can grow your own hay!

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What’s the name of a Mexican farm worker who has a ring of keys? (Not racist I swear) Cesar Llaves

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Why dont you find any princesses at knotta berry farm? Because the only thing you find on a farm is a hoe

Score: 2

On a wind farm in Texas, one windmill asked the other if they liked country music. The windmill replied. I’m a big metal fan.

Score: 2

I'm glad I'm not a farm animal. If I was, I'd be in a baaaaaaa'd mooooooo'd

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What did the Amish husband say to his wife when she got back from working out on the farm all day? Amish you.

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Where does a Communist Garden Gnome work? At the Russian Troll Farm.

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How do you know a farm is in russia When their cows say "Moooooo-ther russia"

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What's the difference between a singer and a farm animal that wants plastic surgery? One's Iggy Pop. The other's piggy op.

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What's the worst smell at a cow farm? The dairy air

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I'm devastated that my son has chosen a career in finance rather than taking over the family wheat farm. He's going against the grain.

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Why do farmers employ heroin addicts at their farm? To find the needle in the Haystack.

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What farm animal makes the best cook? Pigs. They are always bakin'

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A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals... Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"

Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"

Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"

Class:"Homework!!!"

Score: 2

What do you call Santa Claus working on a farm? A jolly rancher!

TY

Score: 2

A man from Wisconsin is travelling in Mexico... when he comes across a dairy farm.

"Buenos noches, do you have any cheeze for sale?"

"Buenos, nochez"

Score: 2

What do you call a promiscuous farm animal A Horse

Score: 1

12 Chickens lay 12 eggs each for a home run farm buisness. Gross domestic product!

Score: 1

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