Farm Jokes


Funniest Farm Jokes

Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald's Farm... I’m the CIEIO

Score: 9602
Funny Farm Jokes
Score: 2276

I was walking passed a farm and a sign said ‘Duck, eggs’. I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.

Score: 624

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper

Score: 592

Old McDonald had a farm... 2.71828 √(-1) 2.71828 √(-1) (5-5)

Score: 242

I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…” – and then it hit me.

Score: 227

After years of poor yields, Old McDonald will have to sell his farm... ... to cover what he e-i-e-i owes.

Score: 170

My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing weed on his cow farm. I told him it wasn’t a good idea. The steaks would be too high.

Score: 161

Why did the cows return to the marijuana farm? It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Score: 151

Just got the job at the old McDonald farm... I'm now the CIEIO

Score: 141

Do you remember when people didn't have to make pop culture references to make a joke? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

Score: 119

The hard of hearing stoner... got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.

Score: 109

Latvian man goes to buy iPhone.. Premise ridiculous! iPhone cannot be use to farm potato.
Also, salesman die of malnourish.

Score: 104

What do a farm and hospital have in common? Too many vegetables for one person to take care of.

Score: 96

What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock? Barns and no-bulls.

(This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)

Score: 95

Why did the tractor sell medicines? Because it was a farm assist!

... I'm sorry...

Score: 91

I got a job as the senior administrator of the old McDonald farm I’m the CIEIO

Score: 91

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!

Score: 78

Two windmills are in a wind farm. One turns to the other and asks, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other says, "I'm a huge metal fan."

Score: 76

In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken. Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

Score: 71

When I'm single I go straight to the farm and collect eggs It's the best place place to pick up chicks.

Score: 63

I got a promotion at the farm I'm the new CIEIO

Score: 62

Why is it risky to tell secrets on a farm? The corn have ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beanstalk.

Score: 61

I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time Alpaca lunch.

Score: 58

The internet connection in my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi.

Score: 56

What do blacks and apples have in common? If they're not being sold on a farm they're hanging from a tree.

Da ho, no I didnt.

Score: 53

There was a bad storm that broke the chicken coop causing a farmer to lose a few chickens. After the storm he asked his farm hand how many chickens were left.

“16 chickens, sir.”

“Alright, round them up, please.”

“20 chickens, sir.”

Score: 52

My boyfriend just started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper

Score: 41

I got a new job today at Old MacDonald’s Farm I’m going to be the CIEIO

Score: 40

McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm He's their CIEIO

Score: 40

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"

Johnny: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Johnny: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Johnny: "Homework!"

Score: 36

A married couple were fighting... ...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."

Score: 29

I want a pet duck But can't get one in my town without an agricultural permit.

Oh, well. no farm, no fowl.

Score: 26

Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals Due to their stable environment

Score: 20

I just got a job as Senior director at old MacDonald's farm I'm the CIEIO

Score: 13

I made a movie about farm life… …but the film quality was too grainy and the plot too corny…

Score: 12

I don’t know what to say. Someone stole all the fruit from my farm in Georgia. I’m peachless.

Score: 11

What was Stalin's favorite Insurance? State Farm.

Score: 9

A man was found dead on his chicken farm. I heard the police suspect fowl play.

Score: 9

A shepard asks his dog To count the sheep on his farm

The dog goes to count the sheep an comes back

The shepard asked how many sheep do i have?

The dog says 40

The shepard thinks " wait a minute i only had 38 how could that be.

The dog said

" i rounded them up"

Score: 9

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New Farm Jokes

Bars ordered to close by government should file for farm income support ...after all they're business is barley, corn and rye.

Score: 0

Tried to set up my friend with a guy who works on a dill farm She said it’s a dill breaker.

Score: 1

After I left my farm to join the army, I learned that my wife bought a new tractor to replace my labor. She wrote me a "John Deere" letter.

Score: 8

A kiss from what on the farm would cause the end of the world? Alpaca lips.

Score: 1

I was walking past a farm and read the sign "Duck, eggs". I thought to myself that is an unnecessary comma... then it hit me!

Score: 2

What’s the name of a Mexican farm worker who has a ring of keys? (Not racist I swear) Cesar Llaves

Score: 1

A man goes to a farm to purchase the most pregnant looking goat Long story short that kids is how I met your mother

Score: 5

Why dont you find any princesses at knotta berry farm? Because the only thing you find on a farm is a hoe

Score: 2

On a wind farm in Texas, one windmill asked the other if they liked country music. The windmill replied. I’m a big metal fan.

Score: 2

Where does an IT Professional buy his agricutural produce? At the Server-Farm.

Score: 2

I'm glad I'm not a farm animal. If I was, I'd be in a baaaaaaa'd mooooooo'd

Score: 2

You shouldn't say "i helped my uncle jack off a horse" Instead you should say "I spent the summer working on my uncle's husbandry farm."

Score: 3

If I ever make a weed farm... It'll be called "The Pottery"

Score: 1

How do you know a farm is in russia When their cows say "Moooooo-ther russia"

Score: 1

What's the difference between a singer and a farm animal that wants plastic surgery? One's Iggy Pop. The other's piggy op.

Score: 1

At a pig farm a father and son come across two pigs mating. The boy asks what they are doing. To which the father replies "giving him a piggy back ride"

Score: 1

Why do farmers employ heroin addicts at their farm? To find the needle in the Haystack.

Score: 1

Why did Andy Griffith retire to a farm? So he could see barn every day.

Score: 3

What did the depressed rural estate agent do? Sell farm

Score: 3

What kind of vegetable do people farm indoors after it rains? Leaks

Score: 2

A food critic was a farm-to-table restaurant He flagged down the waiter and asked him how they prepared their chicken.
The waiter replied, "Nothing special. We just tell 'em they're gonna die."

Score: 3

How does Dwight Schrute keep himself entertained on the farm? Beet boxing.

Score: 1

Who is the sexiest animal on the farm? *brown chicken brown cow*

Score: 1

I was going to grow a fungus farm in my backyard but there wasn't mushroom.

Score: 7

Have you heard about the expert farmer who has taken the role of scarecrow at his farm? He's outstanding in his field.

Score: 5

What are the two sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken brown cow.

Score: 3

If Trump gets his wall he should do a State Farm commercial Like a good neighbour stay over there

Score: 3

I worked on a farm for 5 years so I used pretty frequently You didn't even need a pickup line, just a pickup truck

Score: 6

I worked on a farm for 5 years so I used You didn't even need a pick up line, just a pick up truck

Score: 8

All the other animals on the farm accused the horse of being too negative. After all, he is a neigh sayer

Score: 1

My friend said I was not assertive enough to farm rocks. You should have seen the look on his face when I grew boulder.

Score: 7

I'll never forget what my Dad told me before he bought the farm. "Wow, what a bargain!"

Score: 3

What farm animal makes the best cook? Pigs. They are always bakin'

Score: 1

Did you hear about the terrorist attack on the dairy / cow farm? It was an udder disaster.

Score: 8

I used to have an ant farm But i had to sell it because I couldn't find any tractors that small.

Score: 3

I'm trying to decide whether to start a honey farm. To bee, or not to bee. That is the question.

Score: 6

An Arab prince acquires a dairy farm He's known far and wide as the Milk Sheikh

Score: 5

If snap chat has taught me anything... It's that alot of you females look better as farm animals.

Score: 4

Have y'all met the new girl at the dairy farm? Cheese grate at her job.

Score: 1

joke I was raised on a farm. One night while walking down a dirt, country path, a man jumped out of the bushes, hit me on the head with a bottle of milk, a dozen eggs, and a churn full of butter.

How Dairy He!

Score: 1

A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals... Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"

Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"

Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"


Score: 2

Someone stole all the ladders from my farm I guess they really wanted to get high

Score: 5

It doesn't matter how hard it is to find a needle in a haystack... ...what matters is that if that's something you're concerned about, your horse's drug use has gotten out of control and the whole farm might be at risk..

Score: 2

What do you call someone who invested in a cattle farm? He has a steak in it.

Score: 3

The loan officer approved my plan to go forward and take out a mortgage for the horse farm I've been looking at. He called it a stable investment.

Score: 3

What do you call Santa Claus working on a farm? A jolly rancher!


Score: 2

Two windmills were hanging out in a farm… Two windmills were hanging out in a farm...

Windmill 1: What kind of music do you like?

Windmill 2: Oh, I'm a big metal fan!

Score: 1

Old McDonald had a farm.... He then had a million dollar idea, hence the fast food joint.

Score: 4

What do you call a fire in a marijuana farm? A weed killer

Score: 1

A farmer was asked why he specifically breed satanist Yaks on his farm.. ...he said he simply enjoys the yakult.

Score: 3

A man from Wisconsin is travelling in Mexico... when he comes across a dairy farm.

"Buenos noches, do you have any cheeze for sale?"

"Buenos, nochez"

Score: 2

Two cow talking in a field The first one ask :
"aren't you afraid about this terrible disease from the neighbor's farm called" mad cow" ? "

The second one looked at her, surprised, and answered :
" I don't care... I'm a rabbit"

Score: 8

12 Chickens lay 12 eggs each for a home run farm buisness. Gross domestic product!

Score: 1

Why did the illiterate jihadist blow up a farm? He wanted to kill some heat-hens.

Score: 2

Where do farm animals get their groceries? The pharmacy.

Score: 3

Did you hear about the dairy farmer who got kicked off his farm for not having any livestock? It was a no cows eviction.

Score: 1

I accidentally planted some marijuana seeds on my farm It's all gone to pot

Score: 5

What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left the farm? Bison

Score: 3

The farmer's wife just ran off with a farm equipment salesman. She wrote him a John Deere letter.

Score: 4

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