The internet connection at my farm was really poor, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi
I was walking passed a farm and a sign said ‘Duck, eggs’. I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.
My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper
I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…” – and then it hit me.
The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy...
So I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have stable Wi-Fi!
Do you remember when people didn't have to make pop culture references to make a joke? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Latvian man goes to buy iPhone..
Premise ridiculous! iPhone cannot be use to farm potato.
Also, salesman die of malnourish.
What do a farm and hospital have in common? Too many vegetables for one person to take care of.
What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?
Barns and no-bulls.
(This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)
Why did the tractor sell medicines?
Because it was a farm assist!
... I'm sorry...
I got a job as the senior administrator of the old McDonald farm I’m the CIEIO
My black girlfriend told me this on our first date.
What do you call 200 black people in a barn?
Antique farm equipment.
In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken. Since then, the steaks have never been higher.
When I'm single I go straight to the farm and collect eggs It's the best place place to pick up chicks.
I got a promotion at the farm I'm the new CIEIO
The internet connection in my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi.
What do blacks and apples have in common?
If they're not being sold on a farm they're hanging from a tree.
Da ho, no I didnt.
There was a bad storm that broke the chicken coop causing a farmer to lose a few chickens.
After the storm he asked his farm hand how many chickens were left.
“16 chickens, sir.”
“Alright, round them up, please.”
“20 chickens, sir.”
My boyfriend just started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper
McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm He's their CIEIO
I got a new job today at Old MacDonald’s Farm I’m going to be the CIEIO
what do you call a Kentucky farm girl who can run faster than her dad? A Virgin
A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals
Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds. You’ll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.
There's a pig on the farm tanning...
And the farmer walks up to him and says, "Hey pig, what are you laying out in the sun for?"
The pig then says, "Oh no reason, I'm just bacon!"
I am *very* proud of this joke.
A married couple were fighting... ...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."
A couple had a big argument in the car. They didn't talk to each other then entire trip.
They passed a farm with pigs, in which the husband saw an opportunity to break the ice.
"Look, those must be your relatives"
The lady, keeping her cool, replied "In-laws"
Stalin walks into a field
Farm worker: Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God!
Stalin: But God does not exist.
Farm worker: And neither do the potatoes.
The internet connection at my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi.
I just inherited a dairy farm I dont like it but I'm going to milk it for all its worth!!!
My dad's favorite story is about how he single-handedly saved a dairy farm from bankruptcy The story is pretty cheesy, but he milks it for all its worth.
Why did the worker on the egg farm get fired from his job? Because he had a crack addiction.
Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals Due to their stable environment
A herd of cattle got into a cannabis farm and began to graze... When asked how serious the situation was, the owner responded, "the steaks have never been higher!"
I just got a job as Senior director at old MacDonald's farm I'm the CIEIO
I made a movie about farm life… …but the film quality was too grainy and the plot too corny…
What lives on a farm and says moo? a bilingual chicken
I don’t know what to say. Someone stole all the fruit from my farm in Georgia. I’m peachless.
Member when "Member Berries" wasn't the main remember meme? Pepperidge farm remembers.
Just got the job as the senior director of the Old McDonald Farm I’m the CIEIO
There was a very well liked guy named Jimmy, and had always aspired to be a pilot, just like his dad.
Unfortunately, life took many rough turns for him in high school; one night while driving late one night, his tire blew out and he lost his right eye. Having only half his vision, his dreams of being a pilot were crushed, and he didn't know what to do with his life.
Jimmy, now fitted with a bright blue glass eye, sunk into depression. His old mates did everything to cheer him up, but nothing seemed to work. Finally, his pal Kevin decided to bring him to an old farm out of the city, hoping that the fresh air might do him some good. Jimmy found that there were several beehives kept by the owners of the farm, and soon, he became very fascinated, even though he couldn't fly planes anymore, these tiny bees could fly for miles looking for food. Jimmy picked up beekeeping as a hobby, and over the years, he took out a loan and created his own bakery using honey as a main sweetener, The Buzzing Bee.
One fall evening, a woman with one arm walked into Jimmy's bakery. Jimmy immediately fell head over heels in love with her, Darla, who had apparently been a Naval lieutenant before being injured in combat. Darla and Jimmy began dating, and discovering they had much in common, they became serious about having a married life.
When Jimmy closed the bakery for the day (a few months have passed now), he asked Darla if she wanted to take a trip back to that farm that Kevin had showed him those years ago.
Jimmy held Darla's hand, and professed his love forever to her and her only.
Darla was very emotional, and said "Jimmy, you're everything I ever wanted. I've felt so insecure about myself after I lost my arm, but you've made me feel like I'm perfect"
Jimmy went on one knee, and proceeded to pop out his bright blue eye, opening it up to reveal a brilliant diamond ring, saying "Marry me Darla, beauty is in the eye of the bee holder"
Farmer Dave and Farmer Bill are in a quarrel...
Bill decides to sneak over to Dave’s Farm and covers Dave’s wife with an assortment of leftover ham dinners.
The next day, Bill sneaks over again and places more ham onto Dave’s wife.
This happens everyday for the next week.
Dave’s wife is fed with being covered in ham and commands Dave to go speak with Bill’s wife on the matter.
Dave marches over to Bill’s farm and explains the situation to his wife. She immediately takes him upstairs and sleeps with him.
Later, Bill knocks on Dave’s door and says “How could you sleep with my wife? All I did was cover you wife in pigs meat?”
“Dont blame me!” Dave explained, “Your wife insisted it was only fair after I told her you’ve been porking my wife all week!”
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed.
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry all his purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.
On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way inside me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'
This drought has really killed my spice farm I don't have the thyme to harvest.
I was walking by a farm when I noticed a sign that said "Duck, eggs." I remember thinking, that's an unnecessary comma. Then it hit me
I used to own a duck farm
But I had to sell it.
It was driving me quackers
What does a dairy farm smell like? Derriere
I lived down the road from a farm with a bunch of cows
I sure hated it. But my dog loved it.
I guess he loves to smell that dairy air
How do we know Old Macdonald threw fits?
‘Cause on his farm he had a cow.
How do we know Old Macdonald hired older ladies to work on his farm?
‘Cause there were moo-moo’s everywhere.
Everybody gangsta till Animal crossing becomes animal farm
A woman picking apples at a farm fell from a ladder, breaking her neck...
Fortunately, another farmhand saw her and quickly brought her in to where the horses were housed.
She's now in stable condition.
Teaching the farm animals to read was going well until the chickens read a book on democracy Then they staged a Coop d'etat
Did you hear State Farm has a new slogan? Like a good neighbor stay over there
I stopped by my one of my bee keeper friends' farm to buy a dozen bees. When he counted out thirteen I said "that's too many". He said "that's a free bee".
Has anyone seen Jake from State Farm? Is anyone else care State Farm is gaslighting us? Or is this one of those Mandela Effect situations?
Contender for worst joke of the day: What do you call the offspring of farm chickens? Children of the Cornish Hens.
Bars ordered to close by government should file for farm income support ...after all their business is barley, corn and rye.
Running a chicken farm is more complicated than I thought. There are so many layers...
How is a piece of farm equipment with headlights similar to the Starship Enterprise? They both have tractor beams!
My grandmother lived her whole life on a dairy farm My grandmother lived her whole life on a dairy farm and only had one child people always asked her what her secret was and she just said it had something to do with the dairy air.
What do you a call a complaint about farm land? Ground beef.
I had a brilliant plan to cover my neighbor's farm in plastic to destroy his business, but when I returned from the store with the cellophane, he had already enveloped my farm entirely with Reynolds wrap. It seems my plot was foiled.
Someone was complaining about my farm jokes. They said they were too *corny*
If Rage Against the Machine had a farm
Bow Wow Chicken Bow Wow Chicken Chicken Chicken Bow Wow Chicken Bow Wow
COME WIT IT NOW!!!
Tried to set up my friend with a guy who works on a dill farm She said it’s a dill breaker.
I have a dairy farm
I have a dairy farm I named Dairy Air.
Now it’s the butt of every joke.
What do you call a psychopathic farm? A hos-till farm
After I left my farm to join the army, I learned that my wife bought a new tractor to replace my labor. She wrote me a "John Deere" letter.
The cows accidentally walked into our hemp farm Their steaks have never been so high
A kiss from what on the farm would cause the end of the world? Alpaca lips.
I was walking past a farm and a sign says 'Duck, eggs!' I thought, "That's an unnecessary comma - and then it hit me"
What do you call a person who used to be a fan of farm machinery? An ex-tractor fan
At first the doctor didn't recognize the farm boy that had been in the threshing accident... ...but then he re-membered him.
I was walking past a farm and a sign read "Duck, eggs" I thought "that's an unnecessary comma-- then it hit me.
I was walking past a farm and read the sign "Duck, eggs". I thought to myself that is an unnecessary comma... then it hit me!
To teach my kids a lesson about socialism, I made them all do chores and paid them each the same amount no matter how much work they did. Then I had the CIA come kidnap me and replace me with new parents who made them farm bananas.
What do you call a farm hand who can't stop laughing? A jolly rancher.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Across the road was a weed farm
Family in a farm
Me : that's a nice Bee
Mom : would be better if it was A+
What advice does Fleetwood Mac give for the keeping of farm animals? You can grow your own hay!
Two boll weevils grew up on a farm in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and, amazingly, became a famous actor...
The other stayed behind and never amounted to much.
I guess you could say he was the lesser of two weevils.
Yesterday I was working on the farm when I saw a bunch of chickens just strutting around... It was like poultry in motion.
Dad Joke #1
I got into an argument with the guy one farm over. He got so mad, he threw a rooster at me.
"Careful now" I said, "Them's fightin' birds."
What’s the name of a Mexican farm worker who has a ring of keys? (Not racist I swear) Cesar Llaves
A farmer counted 196 cows in his farm But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
A man goes to a farm to purchase the most pregnant looking goat Long story short that kids is how I met your mother
I was gonna post a cake joke to farm some karma
But I just learned your birthday and cake day aren’t the same thing.
So this just won’t cut the cake.
Why dont you find any princesses at knotta berry farm? Because the only thing you find on a farm is a hoe
I'm a farm boy When my wife was in labor I said, ” I'm not nervous. I've seen this a bunch of times with cows!"
On a wind farm in Texas, one windmill asked the other if they liked country music. The windmill replied. I’m a big metal fan.
I'm glad I'm not a farm animal. If I was, I'd be in a baaaaaaa'd mooooooo'd
What does a farm smell like? derriere
Slogan for a cattle farm that's struggling to survive after being pressured by big pharma We're doing rBST.
A man was convicted for killing a cow in a rice farm with mini ceramic figurines It was a Knick knack paddy whack :)
I got spit on by a farm animal and thought it was the end of the world. It was just the alpaca lips.
What did the Amish husband say to his wife when she got back from working out on the farm all day? Amish you.
A Mexican comedian walks into a chicken farm
and starts breaking all the eggs.
The chicken farmer gets really mad and yells at him, "What are you doing?"
The comedian goes, "Well ese, I am in a bit of a rut and I am just looking for some good yolks"
I visited a rabbit farm It was a hare raising experience
Please, please don't start growing marijuana on your cattle farm The steaks are too high
Remember when frontpage was full of anti-China posts? Pepperidge farm remembers.
Did you hear about the deal between the animals of Animal Farm and Farmer Jones? They agreed to a farmistice.