Farm Jokes


Funniest Farm Jokes

Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald's Farm... I’m the CIEIO

Score: 9602
Funny Farm Jokes
Score: 2276

I was walking passed a farm and a sign said ‘Duck, eggs’. I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.

Score: 624

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper

Score: 592

Old McDonald had a farm... 2.71828 √(-1) 2.71828 √(-1) (5-5)

Score: 242

I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…” – and then it hit me.

Score: 227

After years of poor yields, Old McDonald will have to sell his farm... ... to cover what he e-i-e-i owes.

Score: 170

My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing weed on his cow farm. I told him it wasn’t a good idea. The steaks would be too high.

Score: 161

Why did the cows return to the marijuana farm? It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Score: 151

Just got the job at the old McDonald farm... I'm now the CIEIO

Score: 141

Do you remember when people didn't have to make pop culture references to make a joke? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

Score: 119

The hard of hearing stoner... got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.

Score: 109

Latvian man goes to buy iPhone.. Premise ridiculous! iPhone cannot be use to farm potato.
Also, salesman die of malnourish.

Score: 104

What do a farm and hospital have in common? Too many vegetables for one person to take care of.

Score: 96

What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock? Barns and no-bulls.

(This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)

Score: 95

Why did the tractor sell medicines? Because it was a farm assist!

... I'm sorry...

Score: 91

I got a job as the senior administrator of the old McDonald farm I’m the CIEIO

Score: 91

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!

Score: 78

Two windmills are in a wind farm. One turns to the other and asks, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other says, "I'm a huge metal fan."

Score: 76

In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken. Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

Score: 71

When I'm single I go straight to the farm and collect eggs It's the best place place to pick up chicks.

Score: 63

I got a promotion at the farm I'm the new CIEIO

Score: 62

Why is it risky to tell secrets on a farm? The corn have ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beanstalk.

Score: 61

I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time Alpaca lunch.

Score: 58

The internet connection in my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi.

Score: 56

What do blacks and apples have in common? If they're not being sold on a farm they're hanging from a tree.

Da ho, no I didnt.

Score: 53

There was a bad storm that broke the chicken coop causing a farmer to lose a few chickens. After the storm he asked his farm hand how many chickens were left.

“16 chickens, sir.”

“Alright, round them up, please.”

“20 chickens, sir.”

Score: 52

My boyfriend just started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper

Score: 41

I got a new job today at Old MacDonald’s Farm I’m going to be the CIEIO

Score: 40

McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm He's their CIEIO

Score: 40

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"

Johnny: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Johnny: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Johnny: "Homework!"

Score: 36

A married couple were fighting... ...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."

Score: 29

I just got a job as Senior director at old MacDonald's farm I'm the CIEIO

Score: 13

I don’t know what to say. Someone stole all the fruit from my farm in Georgia. I’m peachless.

Score: 11

Two cow talking in a field The first one ask :
"aren't you afraid about this terrible disease from the neighbor's farm called" mad cow" ? "

The second one looked at her, surprised, and answered :
" I don't care... I'm a rabbit"

Score: 8

After I left my farm to join the army, I learned that my wife bought a new tractor to replace my labor. She wrote me a "John Deere" letter.

Score: 8

A man goes to a farm to purchase the most pregnant looking goat Long story short that kids is how I met your mother

Score: 5

I accidentally planted some marijuana seeds on my farm It's all gone to pot

Score: 5

The farmer's wife just ran off with a farm equipment salesman. She wrote him a John Deere letter.

Score: 4

You shouldn't say "i helped my uncle jack off a horse" Instead you should say "I spent the summer working on my uncle's husbandry farm."

Score: 3

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New Farm Jokes

Bars ordered to close by government should file for farm income support ...after all they're business is barley, corn and rye.

Score: 0

Tried to set up my friend with a guy who works on a dill farm She said it’s a dill breaker.

Score: 1

A kiss from what on the farm would cause the end of the world? Alpaca lips.

Score: 1

I was walking past a farm and read the sign "Duck, eggs". I thought to myself that is an unnecessary comma... then it hit me!

Score: 2

What’s the name of a Mexican farm worker who has a ring of keys? (Not racist I swear) Cesar Llaves

Score: 1

Why dont you find any princesses at knotta berry farm? Because the only thing you find on a farm is a hoe

Score: 2

On a wind farm in Texas, one windmill asked the other if they liked country music. The windmill replied. I’m a big metal fan.

Score: 2

Where does an IT Professional buy his agricutural produce? At the Server-Farm.

Score: 2

I'm glad I'm not a farm animal. If I was, I'd be in a baaaaaaa'd mooooooo'd

Score: 2

If I ever make a weed farm... It'll be called "The Pottery"

Score: 1

How do you know a farm is in russia When their cows say "Moooooo-ther russia"

Score: 1

What's the difference between a singer and a farm animal that wants plastic surgery? One's Iggy Pop. The other's piggy op.

Score: 1

What farm animal makes the best cook? Pigs. They are always bakin'

Score: 1

A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals... Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"

Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"

Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"


Score: 2

What do you call Santa Claus working on a farm? A jolly rancher!


Score: 2

Where do farm animals get their groceries? The pharmacy.

Score: 3

Did you hear about the dairy farmer who got kicked off his farm for not having any livestock? It was a no cows eviction.

Score: 1

What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left the farm? Bison

Score: 3

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