The internet connection at my farm was really poor, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi
I was walking passed a farm and a sign said ‘Duck, eggs’. I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.
I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…” – and then it hit me.
The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy...
So I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have stable Wi-Fi!
Do you remember when people didn't have to make pop culture references to make a joke? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Latvian man goes to buy iPhone..
Premise ridiculous! iPhone cannot be use to farm potato.
Also, salesman die of malnourish.
What do a farm and hospital have in common? Too many vegetables for one person to take care of.
What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?
Barns and no-bulls.
(This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)
My black girlfriend told me this on our first date.
What do you call 200 black people in a barn?
Antique farm equipment.
In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken. Since then, the steaks have never been higher.
When I'm single I go straight to the farm and collect eggs It's the best place place to pick up chicks.
The internet connection in my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi.
What do blacks and apples have in common?
If they're not being sold on a farm they're hanging from a tree.
Da ho, no I didnt.
There was a bad storm that broke the chicken coop causing a farmer to lose a few chickens.
After the storm he asked his farm hand how many chickens were left.
“16 chickens, sir.”
“Alright, round them up, please.”
“20 chickens, sir.”
McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm He's their CIEIO
A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals
Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Whats the difference between a dairy farm and a McDonalds. You’ll get arrested if you try to milk the cows at McDonalds.
There's a pig on the farm tanning...
And the farmer walks up to him and says, "Hey pig, what are you laying out in the sun for?"
The pig then says, "Oh no reason, I'm just bacon!"
I am *very* proud of this joke.
A married couple were fighting... ...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."
A couple had a big argument in the car. They didn't talk to each other then entire trip.
They passed a farm with pigs, in which the husband saw an opportunity to break the ice.
"Look, those must be your relatives"
The lady, keeping her cool, replied "In-laws"
Stalin walks into a field
Farm worker: Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God!
Stalin: But God does not exist.
Farm worker: And neither do the potatoes.
The internet connection at my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi.
My dad's favorite story is about how he single-handedly saved a dairy farm from bankruptcy The story is pretty cheesy, but he milks it for all its worth.
Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals Due to their stable environment
A herd of cattle got into a cannabis farm and began to graze... When asked how serious the situation was, the owner responded, "the steaks have never been higher!"
I don’t know what to say. Someone stole all the fruit from my farm in Georgia. I’m peachless.
A woman picking apples at a farm fell from a ladder, breaking her neck...
Fortunately, another farmhand saw her and quickly brought her in to where the horses were housed.
She's now in stable condition.
Teaching the farm animals to read was going well until the chickens read a book on democracy Then they staged a Coop d'etat
I stopped by my one of my bee keeper friends' farm to buy a dozen bees. When he counted out thirteen I said "that's too many". He said "that's a free bee".
Has anyone seen Jake from State Farm? Is anyone else care State Farm is gaslighting us? Or is this one of those Mandela Effect situations?
Contender for worst joke of the day: What do you call the offspring of farm chickens? Children of the Cornish Hens.
How is a piece of farm equipment with headlights similar to the Starship Enterprise? They both have tractor beams!
I had a brilliant plan to cover my neighbor's farm in plastic to destroy his business, but when I returned from the store with the cellophane, he had already enveloped my farm entirely with Reynolds wrap. It seems my plot was foiled.
If Rage Against the Machine had a farm
Bow Wow Chicken Bow Wow Chicken Chicken Chicken Bow Wow Chicken Bow Wow
COME WIT IT NOW!!!
After I left my farm to join the army, I learned that my wife bought a new tractor to replace my labor. She wrote me a "John Deere" letter.
I was walking past a farm and a sign says 'Duck, eggs!' I thought, "That's an unnecessary comma - and then it hit me"
At first the doctor didn't recognize the farm boy that had been in the threshing accident... ...but then he re-membered him.
I was walking past a farm and a sign read "Duck, eggs" I thought "that's an unnecessary comma-- then it hit me.
What advice does Fleetwood Mac give for the keeping of farm animals? You can grow your own hay!
Yesterday I was working on the farm when I saw a bunch of chickens just strutting around... It was like poultry in motion.
Dad Joke #1
I got into an argument with the guy one farm over. He got so mad, he threw a rooster at me.
"Careful now" I said, "Them's fightin' birds."
A man goes to a farm to purchase the most pregnant looking goat Long story short that kids is how I met your mother
I'm a farm boy When my wife was in labor I said, ” I'm not nervous. I've seen this a bunch of times with cows!"
Slogan for a cattle farm that's struggling to survive after being pressured by big pharma We're doing rBST.
A man was convicted for killing a cow in a rice farm with mini ceramic figurines It was a Knick knack paddy whack :)
I got spit on by a farm animal and thought it was the end of the world. It was just the alpaca lips.
What did the Amish husband say to his wife when she got back from working out on the farm all day? Amish you.
I was at the farm with my friend when we chanced upon a cow with multiple gunshot wound My friend looked up and said "holy cow"
Y’all remember when Ritz and Goldfish crackers didn’t contain trace amounts of salmonella? Pepperidge farm remembers.