Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald's Farm... I’m the CIEIO
I was walking passed a farm and a sign said ‘Duck, eggs’. I thought, that’s an unnecessary comma. And then it hit me.
My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper
Old McDonald had a farm... 2.71828 √(-1) 2.71828 √(-1) (5-5)
I was walking past a farm and a sign said, “Duck, eggs.” I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma…” – and then it hit me.
After years of poor yields, Old McDonald will have to sell his farm... ... to cover what he e-i-e-i owes.
My friend lives in Colorado and wanted to start growing weed on his cow farm. I told him it wasn’t a good idea. The steaks would be too high.
Why did the cows return to the marijuana farm? It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Just got the job at the old McDonald farm... I'm now the CIEIO
Do you remember when people didn't have to make pop culture references to make a joke? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
The hard of hearing stoner... got really disappointed when he finally arrived at his uncle's wheat farm.
Latvian man goes to buy iPhone..
Premise ridiculous! iPhone cannot be use to farm potato.
Also, salesman die of malnourish.
What do a farm and hospital have in common? Too many vegetables for one person to take care of.
What kind of farm has lots of books but no livestock?
Barns and no-bulls.
(This joke was made up by my 7 year-old cousin.)
Why did the tractor sell medicines?
Because it was a farm assist!
... I'm sorry...
I got a job as the senior administrator of the old McDonald farm I’m the CIEIO
I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep... 1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!
Two windmills are in a wind farm.
One turns to the other and asks, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other says, "I'm a huge metal fan."
In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken. Since then, the steaks have never been higher.
When I'm single I go straight to the farm and collect eggs It's the best place place to pick up chicks.
I got a promotion at the farm I'm the new CIEIO
Why is it risky to tell secrets on a farm? The corn have ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beanstalk.
I got really hungry when we visited the Alpaca Farm, next time Alpaca lunch.
The internet connection in my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn. Now I have stable wifi.
What do blacks and apples have in common?
If they're not being sold on a farm they're hanging from a tree.
Da ho, no I didnt.
There was a bad storm that broke the chicken coop causing a farmer to lose a few chickens.
After the storm he asked his farm hand how many chickens were left.
“16 chickens, sir.”
“Alright, round them up, please.”
“20 chickens, sir.”
My boyfriend just started a bee farm to help save the bees I think he's a keeper
I got a new job today at Old MacDonald’s Farm I’m going to be the CIEIO
McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm He's their CIEIO
A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals
Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
A married couple were fighting... ...when they drove past a farm full of pigs. The husband then asked his wife, "Family of yours?" The wife looked at the pigs, then replied, "Yea, in-laws."
I want a pet duck
But can't get one in my town without an agricultural permit.
Oh, well. no farm, no fowl.
Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals Due to their stable environment
I just got a job as Senior director at old MacDonald's farm I'm the CIEIO
I made a movie about farm life… …but the film quality was too grainy and the plot too corny…
I don’t know what to say. Someone stole all the fruit from my farm in Georgia. I’m peachless.
What was Stalin's favorite Insurance? State Farm.
A man was found dead on his chicken farm. I heard the police suspect fowl play.
A shepard asks his dog
To count the sheep on his farm
The dog goes to count the sheep an comes back
The shepard asked how many sheep do i have?
The dog says 40
The shepard thinks " wait a minute i only had 38 how could that be.
The dog said
" i rounded them up"
Bars ordered to close by government should file for farm income support ...after all they're business is barley, corn and rye.
Tried to set up my friend with a guy who works on a dill farm She said it’s a dill breaker.
After I left my farm to join the army, I learned that my wife bought a new tractor to replace my labor. She wrote me a "John Deere" letter.
A kiss from what on the farm would cause the end of the world? Alpaca lips.
I was walking past a farm and read the sign "Duck, eggs". I thought to myself that is an unnecessary comma... then it hit me!
What’s the name of a Mexican farm worker who has a ring of keys? (Not racist I swear) Cesar Llaves
A man goes to a farm to purchase the most pregnant looking goat Long story short that kids is how I met your mother
Why dont you find any princesses at knotta berry farm? Because the only thing you find on a farm is a hoe
On a wind farm in Texas, one windmill asked the other if they liked country music. The windmill replied. I’m a big metal fan.
Where does an IT Professional buy his agricutural produce? At the Server-Farm.
I'm glad I'm not a farm animal. If I was, I'd be in a baaaaaaa'd mooooooo'd
You shouldn't say "i helped my uncle jack off a horse" Instead you should say "I spent the summer working on my uncle's husbandry farm."
If I ever make a weed farm... It'll be called "The Pottery"
How do you know a farm is in russia When their cows say "Moooooo-ther russia"
What's the difference between a singer and a farm animal that wants plastic surgery? One's Iggy Pop. The other's piggy op.
At a pig farm a father and son come across two pigs mating. The boy asks what they are doing. To which the father replies "giving him a piggy back ride"
Why do farmers employ heroin addicts at their farm? To find the needle in the Haystack.
Why did Andy Griffith retire to a farm? So he could see barn every day.
What did the depressed rural estate agent do? Sell farm
What kind of vegetable do people farm indoors after it rains? Leaks
A food critic was a farm-to-table restaurant
He flagged down the waiter and asked him how they prepared their chicken.
The waiter replied, "Nothing special. We just tell 'em they're gonna die."
How does Dwight Schrute keep himself entertained on the farm? Beet boxing.
Who is the sexiest animal on the farm? *brown chicken brown cow*
I was going to grow a fungus farm in my backyard but there wasn't mushroom.
Have you heard about the expert farmer who has taken the role of scarecrow at his farm? He's outstanding in his field.
What are the two sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken brown cow.
If Trump gets his wall he should do a State Farm commercial Like a good neighbour stay over there
I worked on a farm for 5 years so I used FarmersOnly.com pretty frequently You didn't even need a pickup line, just a pickup truck
I worked on a farm for 5 years so I used Farmersonly.com You didn't even need a pick up line, just a pick up truck
All the other animals on the farm accused the horse of being too negative. After all, he is a neigh sayer
My friend said I was not assertive enough to farm rocks. You should have seen the look on his face when I grew boulder.
I'll never forget what my Dad told me before he bought the farm. "Wow, what a bargain!"
What farm animal makes the best cook? Pigs. They are always bakin'
Did you hear about the terrorist attack on the dairy / cow farm? It was an udder disaster.
I used to have an ant farm But i had to sell it because I couldn't find any tractors that small.
I'm trying to decide whether to start a honey farm. To bee, or not to bee. That is the question.
An Arab prince acquires a dairy farm He's known far and wide as the Milk Sheikh
If snap chat has taught me anything... It's that alot of you females look better as farm animals.
Have y'all met the new girl at the dairy farm? Cheese grate at her job.
I was raised on a farm. One night while walking down a dirt, country path, a man jumped out of the bushes, hit me on the head with a bottle of milk, a dozen eggs, and a churn full of butter.
How Dairy He!
A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals...
Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"
Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"
Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"
Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"
Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"
Someone stole all the ladders from my farm I guess they really wanted to get high
It doesn't matter how hard it is to find a needle in a haystack... ...what matters is that if that's something you're concerned about, your horse's drug use has gotten out of control and the whole farm might be at risk..
What do you call someone who invested in a cattle farm? He has a steak in it.
The loan officer approved my plan to go forward and take out a mortgage for the horse farm I've been looking at. He called it a stable investment.
What do you call Santa Claus working on a farm?
A jolly rancher!
Two windmills were hanging out in a farm…
Two windmills were hanging out in a farm...
Windmill 1: What kind of music do you like?
Windmill 2: Oh, I'm a big metal fan!
Old McDonald had a farm.... He then had a million dollar idea, hence the fast food joint.
What do you call a fire in a marijuana farm? A weed killer
A farmer was asked why he specifically breed satanist Yaks on his farm.. ...he said he simply enjoys the yakult.
A man from Wisconsin is travelling in Mexico...
when he comes across a dairy farm.
"Buenos noches, do you have any cheeze for sale?"
Two cow talking in a field
The first one ask :
"aren't you afraid about this terrible disease from the neighbor's farm called" mad cow" ? "
The second one looked at her, surprised, and answered :
" I don't care... I'm a rabbit"
12 Chickens lay 12 eggs each for a home run farm buisness. Gross domestic product!
Why did the illiterate jihadist blow up a farm? He wanted to kill some heat-hens.
Where do farm animals get their groceries? The pharmacy.
Did you hear about the dairy farmer who got kicked off his farm for not having any livestock? It was a no cows eviction.
I accidentally planted some marijuana seeds on my farm It's all gone to pot
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left the farm? Bison
The farmer's wife just ran off with a farm equipment salesman. She wrote him a John Deere letter.