Bacon Jokes

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Funniest Bacon Jokes

I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything

Score: 10515

I went to see the doctor today and he said to me, "Don't eat anything fatty." I said, "What - no bacon or sausages or burgers or anything?"

He said, "No fatty, just don't eat anything."

Score: 10025

I went to the doctor and he said "don't eat anything fatty." I asked " no bacon? No burgers?!"

To which he replied "No fatty, just don't eat anything! "

Score: 1836
Funny Bacon Jokes
Score: 1527

How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One if nobody's looking.

Score: 1448

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

Score: 1207

I just had a physical. The doctor said: “Don’t eat anything fatty.” I said, “Like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No fatty, don’t eat anything!”

Score: 754

I just came back from the doctor's. He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

“What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No fatty, don’t eat anything.”

Score: 700

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One, if no one's looking.

Score: 441

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?" Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 349

I went in for my physical, and my doctor suggested, "don't eat anything fatty" I asked, "like bacon and burgers?"

He said, "no, fatty, don't eat anything!"

Score: 266

My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger. It was mine.

Score: 209

How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan? You take away their brooms.

Score: 204

My bacon kept curling in the frying pan so I took away their little brooms and rocks.

Score: 182

Teacher :) Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 156

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"

Score: 145

What is green and smells like bacon? Kermit's fingers

Score: 144

Dad at breakfast: Dad at breakfast: I’ll have bacon and eggs, please

Waiter: How do you like your eggs?

Dad: I don’t know, I haven’t gotten them yet!

Score: 141

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?" Students: "Eggs!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Students: *"Homework!"*

Score: 94

I edited my pig's genes to make it taste better you might even say the bacon is CRISPR

Score: 89

Teacher Questions Student Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 86

bacon and eggs walk into a bar bartender says: "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

Score: 80

What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede? Bacon and scrambled legs.

Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.

Score: 77

How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan? You take away its tiny brooms.

Score: 72

Whats green and wet and smells like bacon? kermit the frog's finger

Score: 71

What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit's finger.

Score: 71

Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

Score: 67

Two eggs and a piece of bacon walk into a bar The bartender asks them to leave. They all ask why. Bartender says, "We don't serve breakfast here."

Score: 61

A teacher is teaching. Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)

Score: 61

Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon? Kermit the frogs middle finger.

Score: 60

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

One brave student... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"

Johnny: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Johnny: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Johnny: "Homework!"

Score: 36

What's green and covered in bacon grease? Kermit's finger

Score: 26

Funny Jokes!!! Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 23

Eggs and bacon A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime's commitment for a pig.

Score: 22

If you had to choose... Between eating bacon everyday or being skinny for the rest of your life, would you choose applewood or hickory smoked?

Score: 22

Women are like bacon. They look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they slowly kill you.

Score: 14

What would happen if pigs could fly??? The price of bacon would go up!!!

Score: 13

I went to the doctors recently and that's he told me to do I went to the doctors recently

He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”

Score: 7

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New Bacon Jokes

Just was at a yardsale where someone had Tremors, Balto, and Friday the 13th on DVD. I finally get to... bring home the Bacon

Score: 1

What do you call a duo consisting of a chicken and a cop? Eggs and bacon

Score: 2

I made a Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato sandwich for breakfast. I left off the lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise and bread.

Score: 0

What's the song they sing at the end of vegan High School Musical? Bacon-free.

Score: 0

WHAT DOES A MAN WITH 10” HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? This morning I had bacon eggs and toast!

Score: 0

2 cowboys are walking through the desert. One of them sees a tree covered in bacon and runs towards it. He is instantly shot. Because this was no bacon tree. This. Was a *ham bush.*

Score: 0

Why did the pig to to the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

Score: 2

What do mods like on their sandwiches? Lettuce guacamole bacon and tomato

Score: 3

Dave Bacon once said, "Change cannot be given to you everytime. You must bring the change"


BTW, Dave is the check out guy at the grocery store.

Score: 3

I went to the doctor the other day and he said to me, “don’t eat anything fatty” I said “what, like bacon or sausages?” He said “no fatty, just don’t eat anything”

Score: 6

I had the swine flu but they cured me... Now I have bacon flu.

Score: 4

What do you call Canadian police? Maple Bacon

Score: 2

A man leaves his bacon sandwich at home before going to work He asks his wife to bring it to him. She didn’t, because it wasn’t her responsiBLT

Score: 3

With modern technology, we can put an AI into a pen with pigs. Then the pen has intelligence, and life forms But sadly, no bacon.

Score: 1

If I were a stripper I would be called bacon. Because bacon strips.

Score: 1

I always thought LGBT means Lettuce Ginger Bacon and Tomato... Until my smart friend told me that G stands for Guacamole

Score: 4

Of all the names Kevin Bacon could pick for his son the one he couldn't would be Christopher Phillip

Score: 2

In class... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 2

Teacher asks student Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 5

An Englishman saying 'beer can' sounds like... A Jamaican saying 'bacon'.

Score: 5

I got a few jokes... My life.

My Girlfriend.

And my education.




Good thing I have bacon.

Score: 5

What did the slice of bacon say to the tomato? Lettuce be together now!

Score: 3

I learned what LGBT stands for! Lettuce Guacamole Bacon Tomato

Score: 5

I love bacon. Everytime I eat it I get a lard-on.

Score: 3

A friend was telling me that Kevin Bacon was the star of The Following. I then waited for him to recite a list that included Footloose.

Score: 2

A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals... Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"

Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"

Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"

Class:"Homework!!!"

Score: 2

What does a chicken give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework

Score: 5

there was a time when there was Johnny Cash, Steve Jobs and Bob Hope. now there is no Cash, no Jobs, and no Hope. please dont let Kevin Bacon die.

Score: 4

Bacon related humor... I'm way too proud of this:

I like my women like I like my bacon,
Salty and bad for me.

Score: 7

I just found out what the LGBTQ stands for Lettuce, Garlic, Bacon, Tomato, Quesadilla

Score: 2

Do you know the best part about bacon? It gets rid of both vegans and muslims.

Score: 5

People who eat bacon... People who eat bacon have a higher risk of a heart attack.

People who don't have an increased risk of bringing the twin towers down.

Score: 1

Why did Mohammed's wife leave? Because he couldn't bring home the bacon.

Score: 5

What do you call a dinosaur wrapped in bacon? Jurassic Pork.

Score: 2

Anyone ever try Canadian Bacon? I hear it's the nicest bacon around.

Score: 7

Even though there's a picture on the hand drier, I have yet to receive my 3 strips of bacon

Score: 4

Teachers be like... Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Students: "Homework!"

Score: 4

When Snoop Dogg fries bacon, he listens closely... ... fo' sizzle.

Score: 6

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