Contents
Contents
I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything
I went to see the doctor today and he said to me, "Don't eat anything fatty."
I said, "What - no bacon or sausages or burgers or anything?"
He said, "No fatty, just don't eat anything."
I went to the doctor and he said "don't eat anything fatty."
I asked " no bacon? No burgers?!"
To which he replied "No fatty, just don't eat anything! "
How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One if nobody's looking.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
I just had a physical. The doctor said: “Don’t eat anything fatty.”
I said, “Like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No fatty, don’t eat anything!”
I just came back from the doctor's.
He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”
“What, like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No fatty, don’t eat anything.”
How many vegetarians does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One, if no one's looking.
Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
I went in for my physical, and my doctor suggested, "don't eat anything fatty"
I asked, "like bacon and burgers?"
He said, "no, fatty, don't eat anything!"
My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger. It was mine.
How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan? You take away their brooms.
My bacon kept curling in the frying pan so I took away their little brooms and rocks.
Teacher :)
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"
What is green and smells like bacon? Kermit's fingers
Dad at breakfast:
Dad at breakfast: I’ll have bacon and eggs, please
Waiter: How do you like your eggs?
Dad: I don’t know, I haven’t gotten them yet!
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Students: *"Homework!"*
I edited my pig's genes to make it taste better you might even say the bacon is CRISPR
Teacher Questions Student
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
bacon and eggs walk into a bar bartender says: "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast."
What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede?
Bacon and scrambled legs.
Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan? You take away its tiny brooms.
What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit's finger.
Whats green and wet and smells like bacon? kermit the frog's finger
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
A teacher is teaching.
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)
Two eggs and a piece of bacon walk into a bar The bartender asks them to leave. They all ask why. Bartender says, "We don't serve breakfast here."
Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon? Kermit the frogs middle finger.
Do you know what animals give you?
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
What's the difference between a Jew and a Muslim? Who cares! More bacon for me.
How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan? ... Take their little stones and brooms away!
I went to the doctors recently and that's he told me to do
I went to the doctors recently
He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”
I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”
He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”
I went to the doctor the other day and he said to me, “don’t eat anything fatty” I said “what, like bacon or sausages?” He said “no fatty, just don’t eat anything”
Teacher: Kids, what do you get from the chicken?
Kids: Eggs!
Teacher: Very good! Now what do you get from the fat pig?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what do you get from the fat cow?
Little Johnny: Homework!
I had the swine flu but they cured me... Now I have bacon flu.
What should you do with your sick pig? make it into cured bacon
(Repost because I screwed up) You know how Muslims can't eat pork?
I mean if I couldn't eat bacon, I would want to fly a plane into a building.
(Yeah this joke bombed)
Dave Bacon once said,
"Change cannot be given to you everytime. You must bring the change"
BTW, Dave is the check out guy at the grocery store.
I made a Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato sandwich for breakfast. I left off the lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise and bread.
What's the song they sing at the end of vegan High School Musical? Bacon-free.
WHAT DOES A MAN WITH 10” HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? This morning I had bacon eggs and toast!
2 cowboys are walking through the desert. One of them sees a tree covered in bacon and runs towards it. He is instantly shot. Because this was no bacon tree. This. Was a *ham bush.*
Why did the pig to to the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What do you call Canadian police? Maple Bacon
Why is Europe similar to cooking bacon? Because they both have Greece on the bottom.
Why did the pig go out to sunbathe?
It was bacon in the heat.
​
(my son's joke... he has a bunch)
A man leaves his bacon sandwich at home before going to work He asks his wife to bring it to him. She didn’t, because it wasn’t her responsiBLT
When your Girlfriend tells you that you make every thing better... I always wanted to be Bacon!
With modern technology, we can put an AI into a pen with pigs. Then the pen has intelligence, and life forms But sadly, no bacon.
If I were a stripper I would be called bacon. Because bacon strips.
A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals...
Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"
Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"
Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"
Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"
Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"
Class:"Homework!!!"
What do you get when you blow up a police station?
Bacon bits
I came up with this joke 15 years ago when I was a dumbass teen.. maybe in poor taste with everything going on but thought I'd share.