Bacon Jokes

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Funniest Bacon Jokes

I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything

Score: 10515

I went to see the doctor today and he said to me, "Don't eat anything fatty." I said, "What - no bacon or sausages or burgers or anything?"

He said, "No fatty, just don't eat anything."

Score: 10025

I went to the doctor and he said "don't eat anything fatty." I asked " no bacon? No burgers?!"

To which he replied "No fatty, just don't eat anything! "

Score: 1836
Funny Bacon Jokes
Score: 1527

How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One if nobody's looking.

Score: 1448

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

Score: 1207

I just had a physical. The doctor said: “Don’t eat anything fatty.” I said, “Like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No fatty, don’t eat anything!”

Score: 754

I just came back from the doctor's. He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

“What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No fatty, don’t eat anything.”

Score: 700

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One, if no one's looking.

Score: 441

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?" Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 349

I went in for my physical, and my doctor suggested, "don't eat anything fatty" I asked, "like bacon and burgers?"

He said, "no, fatty, don't eat anything!"

Score: 266

My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger. It was mine.

Score: 209

How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan? You take away their brooms.

Score: 204

My bacon kept curling in the frying pan so I took away their little brooms and rocks.

Score: 182

Teacher :) Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 156

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"

Score: 145

What is green and smells like bacon? Kermit's fingers

Score: 144

Dad at breakfast: Dad at breakfast: I’ll have bacon and eggs, please

Waiter: How do you like your eggs?

Dad: I don’t know, I haven’t gotten them yet!

Score: 141

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?" Students: "Eggs!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Students: *"Homework!"*

Score: 94

I edited my pig's genes to make it taste better you might even say the bacon is CRISPR

Score: 89

Teacher Questions Student Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

Score: 86

bacon and eggs walk into a bar bartender says: "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

Score: 80

What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede? Bacon and scrambled legs.

Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.

Score: 77

How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan? You take away its tiny brooms.

Score: 72

What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit's finger.

Score: 71

Whats green and wet and smells like bacon? kermit the frog's finger

Score: 71

Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

Score: 67

A teacher is teaching. Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)

Score: 61

Two eggs and a piece of bacon walk into a bar The bartender asks them to leave. They all ask why. Bartender says, "We don't serve breakfast here."

Score: 61

Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon? Kermit the frogs middle finger.

Score: 60

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

What's the difference between a Jew and a Muslim? Who cares! More bacon for me.

Score: 32

I went to the doctors recently and that's he told me to do I went to the doctors recently

He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”

Score: 7

I went to the doctor the other day and he said to me, “don’t eat anything fatty” I said “what, like bacon or sausages?” He said “no fatty, just don’t eat anything”

Score: 6

Teacher: Kids, what do you get from the chicken? Kids: Eggs!
Teacher: Very good! Now what do you get from the fat pig?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what do you get from the fat cow?
Little Johnny: Homework!

Score: 4

I had the swine flu but they cured me... Now I have bacon flu.

Score: 4

(Repost because I screwed up) You know how Muslims can't eat pork? I mean if I couldn't eat bacon, I would want to fly a plane into a building.

(Yeah this joke bombed)

Score: 3

Dave Bacon once said, "Change cannot be given to you everytime. You must bring the change"


BTW, Dave is the check out guy at the grocery store.

Score: 3

A man leaves his bacon sandwich at home before going to work He asks his wife to bring it to him. She didn’t, because it wasn’t her responsiBLT

Score: 3

What do mods like on their sandwiches? Lettuce guacamole bacon and tomato

Score: 3

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New Bacon Jokes

What's the song they sing at the end of vegan High School Musical? Bacon-free.

Score: 0

WHAT DOES A MAN WITH 10” HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? This morning I had bacon eggs and toast!

Score: 0

2 cowboys are walking through the desert. One of them sees a tree covered in bacon and runs towards it. He is instantly shot. Because this was no bacon tree. This. Was a *ham bush.*

Score: 0

Why did the pig to to the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

Score: 2

What do you call Canadian police? Maple Bacon

Score: 2

With modern technology, we can put an AI into a pen with pigs. Then the pen has intelligence, and life forms But sadly, no bacon.

Score: 1

If I were a stripper I would be called bacon. Because bacon strips.

Score: 1

A teacher asks her first grade class about farm animals... Teacher: "What does a fat chicken give you?"

Class: "Chicken nuggets!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat pig give you?"

Class:"Bacon and ham!!!"

Teacher: "What does a fat cow give you?"

Class:"Homework!!!"

Score: 2

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