Bacon Jokes

I went to the doctors recently He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty” I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No. Fatty, don’t eat anything

I went to see the doctor today and he said to me, "Don't eat anything fatty." I said, "What - no bacon or sausages or burgers or anything?"

He said, "No fatty, just don't eat anything."

I went to the doctor and he said "don't eat anything fatty." I asked " no bacon? No burgers?!"

To which he replied "No fatty, just don't eat anything! "

How many vegans does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One if nobody's looking.

Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

I just had a physical. The doctor said: “Don’t eat anything fatty.” I said, “Like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No fatty, don’t eat anything!”

I just came back from the doctor's. He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

“What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No fatty, don’t eat anything.”

How many vegetarians does it take to eat a bacon cheeseburger? One, if no one's looking.

Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?" Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

I went in for my physical, and my doctor suggested, "don't eat anything fatty" I asked, "like bacon and burgers?"

He said, "no, fatty, don't eat anything!"

My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger. It was mine.

How do you stop Canadian bacon from curling in the frying pan? You take away their brooms.

My bacon kept curling in the frying pan so I took away their little brooms and rocks.

Teacher :) Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"

What is green and smells like bacon? Kermit's fingers

Dad at breakfast: Dad at breakfast: I’ll have bacon and eggs, please

Waiter: How do you like your eggs?

Dad: I don’t know, I haven’t gotten them yet!

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?" Students: "Eggs!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Students: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Students: *"Homework!"*

I edited my pig's genes to make it taste better you might even say the bacon is CRISPR

Teacher Questions Student Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"

Student: "Meat!"

Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"

Student: "Bacon!"

Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"

Student: "Homework!"

bacon and eggs walk into a bar bartender says: "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede? Bacon and scrambled legs.

Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.

How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan? You take away its tiny brooms.

What's green and smells like bacon? Kermit's finger.

Whats green and wet and smells like bacon? kermit the frog's finger

Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.

A teacher is teaching. Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

(sorry for the TERRIBLE title)

Two eggs and a piece of bacon walk into a bar The bartender asks them to leave. They all ask why. Bartender says, "We don't serve breakfast here."

Whats green, three inches long and smells like bacon? Kermit the frogs middle finger.

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

What's the difference between a Jew and a Muslim? Who cares! More bacon for me.

How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan? ... Take their little stones and brooms away!

I went to the doctors recently and that's he told me to do I went to the doctors recently

He said: “Don’t eat anything fatty”

I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”

I went to the doctor the other day and he said to me, “don’t eat anything fatty” I said “what, like bacon or sausages?” He said “no fatty, just don’t eat anything”

Teacher: Kids, what do you get from the chicken? Kids: Eggs!
Teacher: Very good! Now what do you get from the fat pig?
Kids: Bacon!
Teacher: Great! And what do you get from the fat cow?
Little Johnny: Homework!

I had the swine flu but they cured me... Now I have bacon flu.

What should you do with your sick pig? make it into cured bacon

(Repost because I screwed up) You know how Muslims can't eat pork? I mean if I couldn't eat bacon, I would want to fly a plane into a building.

(Yeah this joke bombed)

Dave Bacon once said, "Change cannot be given to you everytime. You must bring the change"


BTW, Dave is the check out guy at the grocery store.