Red Head Jokes

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Funniest Red Head Jokes

Funny Red Head Jokes

Why can't you hear a red heads footsteps Because they walk so gingerly

How should one approach an easily startled red head? gingerly

What is the proper way to tell a red head joke? Gingerly.

What do you call a ginger head that gets their revenge? Red Head Redemption

What do you call a red headed baker? A ginger bread man

How do red heads make love? Gingerly.

Old Aussie joke: Why is the lady on the Red Heads matchbox always smiling? There are 48 heads in her box - of course she`s happy!

I asked a red headed friend of mine what I could do to be just like him. His response was "You have to go through the long and tough process of becoming a redhead." So, as of today, I have started the process of being trans-gingered.

A woman was at a bar When she met a beautiful red headed man. They got to flirting and inevitably the question arose "does the carpet match the drapes?"

The man replied, "no, it's hardwood"

A blonde, brunette, and a red head walk into a bar Wow, these are great binoculars!

What did the dentist diagnosis the red head with? Gingervitis

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing no clothes but covered head to toe in saran wrap The psychiatrist says "I can clearly see your nuts"

Did you hear about the red head who worked at the bakery? His friends called him the ginger bread man.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are driving in a car. The brunette mentions that Christmas falls on a friday this year. The blonde says "I hope it's not Friday the 13th!"

I told my dad that the red head gene is slowly dying off And he said “son, we’ve got to work on that”

Why are red heads never calm? Because it's so easy to make a ginger snap.

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office covered head to toe in cellophane. The psychiatrist says, "Sir, I can clearly see you're nuts."

What do you call a red head with a yeast infection? Gingersnatch

What’s the most unbelievable thing about Harry Potter? That a red head had friends

What do you call a red head Asian girl who does things with grace? Ginger Lee.

*If you ever see this I'm sorry for stealing your original joke @Ziplock*

What's 10 inches? What's 10 inches, has a red head and makes my girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage

What's the difference between a red head and a blue head? Your grip.

When a red head goes crazy... Its a ginger snap.

What do you call a red headed baker? The ginger bread-man.

Yuckyuck.

What do you call a family of red heads? Ginger bred

What did the gang of red heads with bad teeth call themselves? GIIIIINGA FIGHTAS!!!

What's the difference between shaving a red head's pubes and diffusing a bomb? When you diffuse a bomb, you only have to cut one red wire.

What are red heads good for? Lighting fires.

I like my women like I like my matches... red headed and strike anywhere.

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Long Red Head Jokes

3 blonde women are on one side of a river...

...wondering how they will get across. The first one decides to pray saying "God please make me smart enough to get across this river." so God turns her into a brunette and she swims across the river. The second also prays saying "Dear God, please make me twice as smart as the last girl so I can get across this river." So God turns her into a red head and she builds a boat and rows across the river. The third also prays "Dear God, please make me twice as smart as both of those women combined." So God turns her into a man and she walks across the bridge.

Three blondes

Three blonde women are sitting on the side of a river. The first one says "dear God, make me twice as smart as I am so that I can cross the river". So God turns her into a brunette and she swims across. The second blonde says "dear God please make me twice as smart as you made the last girls so I can cross the river". So God turns her into a Red Head and she builds a boat and sails across. The third blonde says "dear God, make me twice as smart as you made the last girl so I can cross the river". So God turns her into a man and she walks across the bridge.




*edit* People, it's just a joke! So much hate, I've told other jokes as well. Here's an anti-man joke? Why are women bad with judging distance? Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches is their entire lives.

A blonde, brunette, and red head are waiting in front of the pearly gates when God comes out to greet them

"Usually I wouldn't let any of you girls in, but I'm having a good day. I'll give you all a deal. If you can climb my 1000 stair staircase and listen to a joke at each step without laughing I'll let you in." They all agree.

The brunette loses at the 100th step. The red head loses at the 500th step. The blonde makes it to the 999th step and begins to laugh hysterically . God asks her "You were so close, why did you laugh?"

She replies "I just got the first one."

A blonde and a red head met in a bar after work...

...for a drink, and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, “I'll take that bet!”
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, “I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money.”
The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!”

A teacher does a quiz with her class.

She asks the children:" So guys what walks on four legs and hurts to touch?" So one kid goes:" A hedgehog" the teacher responds:" I was thinking of a porcupine, but I like the way that you think, next question, what has wheels and takes me to school?" The same kid answers:" Your car". "It is my bike, but I like the way you think", the teacher says. So the kid asks if he can say a question and the teacher accepts. "What is hard, has a red head, and when you rub it right, its head explodes" the kid goes. The teacher turns red and angrily says that the kid will have detention. The kid just says:" It is a matchstick, but I like the way you think".

EDIT: okay readdit i nade a mistake

A blonde went to the electronic store and she asked..

A blonde went to the electronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?"
The salesman said, "Sorry, we don"t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a brunette.
She asked the salesman how much the TV was.
He said, "Sorry, we don"t sell to blondes."
The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was.
He said, "Sorry we don"t sell to blondes."
She replied, " I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it's a microwave."

A blonde, brunette, and a red head... [OC]

So a blonde, brunette,and a red head are each forced to kill their husbands and dispose of the corpse. They all kill their victim and have the responsibility of disposing of the body so they all throw the body in the trunks of their cars. Now, they each have to drive to the location where they can safely dispose of the body. The red head gets in her car and decides she'll drive in the left lane since that's the fast lane, so she can go fast, get to the location quickly, and dispose of the body. A cop pulls her over for going too fast, she gets a ticket but gets back on her way to get rid of the body, no problem. Brunette gets into her car decides she'll drive in the right lane since that's the lane with slower traffic, to not look suspicious. Cop pulls her over for driving too slow and impeding traffic, gives her a ticket but she continues on her way, no problem. Blonde gets into her car decides to drive in the HOV lane since she never sees anyone there it'll be a smooth ride to the location. Cop pulls her over for driving in the HOV lane with only person. Cop writes her a ticket for that, blonde reads the ticket and says "No, officer, I'm not the only person in the car I have my husband in the trunk.

Made it up myself not the best but I think it is OC

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.

They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.

The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.

The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.

The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"

My dad's go to joke...

So there's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head who are all pregnant. A man walks up to the brunette and asks what gender she is having. She replies saying "well I was on top so I'm having a boy!' He then asks the red head what gender her baby is and she replies "well I was on the bottom so I'm having a girl!' He then asks the blonde what she is having and she says 'Oh my god! I must be having puppies!'

Three women are running from the cops

after robbing a bank. One is blonde, one is redheaded, and the other of course is a brunette. After running through some wooded area, they come to a clearing and try to hide in a barn. When they get inside they see a few straw sacks lying on the ground. They decide to hide inside them.

One officer checks the barn, and all looks fine but he can tell there is something in a few of the sacks. He goes over the first one, not knowing the brunette is inside and nudges it. Very cleverly, the brunette lets out a soft "meow, meow", and he thinks to himself oh it's just some kittens. He goes over to the second sack with the red head and gives it a nudge. "Woof, Woof" she yells a little louder. He realizes it's a dog and moves to the one containing the blonde and gives it a little kick. The blonde cries out loud "POTATOES, POTATOES"!

Red head goes to doctors office..

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are running from the police....

.... they run into a barn to hide. The brunette hides behind a stall of cows, the redhead hides in the goat pen, and the blonde hides behind bags full of potatoes. The police come in and shine their flashlights on the cows. The brunette says "MOO!" and the police shine their lights on the goats. The redhead says "BAHH!", so the police move on to the potatoes. They shine their lights on them and the blonde says "POTATOES!!!"

a blonde and a redhead are at a bar

Enjoying a few drinks after work. The local news on the television is showing a guy a bridge threatening to jump. The redhead turns to the blonde and says "I bet you 20 bucks that he jumps". The blonde thinks about it for a second and agrees to the bet. They continue watch the program and the guy indeed does jump off the bridge. "a bet is a bet" the blonde says as she hands the redhead 20 dollars. Feeling guilty, the red head says "I'm sorry, I cant take your money. The same story was on the 6 o'clock news. They just re-showed it at 8. I knew the guy was going to jump."
The blonde replies " I watched the 6 o'clock news too! I just didn't think he would jump twice!"

Magic carpet

A blonde , a brunette and a red head walk into a carpet store and spot a talking magic carpet.

It spoke, "if you step on me and lie, you will disappear with a POOF!"

The brunette steps on first and says, "I think I'm the prettiest girl in town."

She vanished with a POOF!

The red head steps on the carpet and says, "I think I'm the smartest girl in town."

She vanished with a POOF!

The blonde steps on the carpet and says, "I think-"

She vanished with a POOF!

Three women- a blond, a brunette, and a red head, are all about to be executed by ISIS

The red head was up first. Right before she was going to be executed she yelled, “TORNADO!” All of the ISIS members took cover and she escaped. The brunette was the next in line. She followed in the red-head’s footprints and this time screamed “SANDSTORM!” The gullible ISIS members again ducked for cover while she escaped. The blonde thought to herself, “This is going to be easy. These people are idiots.” The blonde stood with a smug look on the shooting block while the ISIS leader roared, “Ready…Aim….” The blonde yelled, “FIRE!”

Three blondes stuck on an island

There are three blondes stuck on an island. The blondes a find a magic lamp. Out of the lamp pops a genie who agrees to grant each of the blondes a wish.
The first blonde requests to be smarter so she can find a way off of the island. The genie grants the wish and the first blonde becomes a red head and swims off of the island.
The second blonde wishes to be smarter then the previous blonde so the genie grants the wish. The second blonde is now a brunette and makes a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde not wanting to be out done requests to be even smarter. The genie grants the wish of the final blonde and turns her into a man who procedes to walk across the bridge off of the island.

*I know it is sexist it is an old joke don't flood my inbox

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.

One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp.

They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.

The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life.

I just want to go home." POOF!

The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life.

I wish I could go home too." POOF!

The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head

Are all sitting in the waiting area of the ob/gyn. The brunette says, "I heard if he's on top you're going to have a boy." The red head says, "well I heard if she's on top you're going to have a girl."

The blonde bursts into tears. The other two rush to her asking what's wrong.

Through tears and sobs she says, "I'm going to have puppies".

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head get caught stealing the Emperor's pig.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head get caught stealing the Emperor's pig. The punishment for such an offense is obviously death by firing squad. In the holding cell, waiting for their fate, Red head says to the other two, "I have an idea! follow my lead!"
Upon being called, Red head walks up, stands in front of the wall facing the line of rifles pointed at her head. The Emperor yells "Ready! Aim!" and the red head shouts "TORNADO!!" The men with the rifles are so scared of the impending natural disaster they drop their weapons and run away. Red head gets away!
Impressed, Brunette says, I get it! I'll go next.
The troops come back into their line and call out the brunette, embarrassed at their gullibility.
Again the Emperor yells "Ready! Aim!" Immediately, the brunette yells "TIDAL WAVE!!" The brainless troops drop their weapons and run and hide yet again. The Brunette is free!
Finally it is the blonde's turn. The troops and the Emperor are furious at being deceived and are ready for anything this time.
They aim their weapons at the blonde and the Emperor yells "Ready!!! Aim!!!" and the blonde yells "FIRE!!!!"

The Magic Mirror

In this public toilet, there's this magic mirror. Whenever you say something untruthful you disappear.

A red head walks into the toilets and says "I think I have the best legs in the world" and puff...she's gone.

Next a brunette walks into the toilets and says "I think I have the most sexist eyes" and puff...she's gone

Finally a blonde walks into the toilets and says "I think..." and puff she's gone!

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