Nut Jokes

When cops arrest a clinically insane person... ...are they busting a nut?

What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut? I'm a cashew

What do you call a one night stand with a robot? Nut and bolt

What’s the engineering term for a one night stand? A nut and bolt.

What time of the year do most squirrels die? No nut November

What's worse than no nut November? No net December.
Defend net neutrality.

I've just found out why they call it 'Almond Milk'. They tried to call it 'Nut Juice' but no one would buy it.

Why do they call almond milk, almond milk? Because nut juice just wouldn't be appropriate.

Did you hear about the testicular cancer survivor who won the lottery? ...when he found out, the guy went nut.

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? You can get one beer nut for $1.35, but two deer nuts are just under a buck

A mental patient escapes from an asylum, goes into a laundrette and rapes a bunch of women. The police arrive and he escapes. Newspaper headline the next day reads.... .

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### NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS

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I am really glad that No Nut November is over. A whole month without cashews was rough.

Why is almond milk called almond milk? Because no one can say "nut juice" with a straight face

Two nuts are sitting next to each other at the asylum. One turns to the other and says, "Why are we all here?" Other nut shrugs his shoulders and replies, "'Cuz we're not all there."

What’s the most dangerous part of a car? The nut that holds the steering wheel.

Did you hear the newspaper headline about the escaped lunatic who raped a woman and ran away? "Nut screws and bolts".

What do you call it when a robot has a one night stand? Nut and bolt

A guy escaped from the lunatic asylum. He broke into the local laundromat, banged the female assistant and ran off.

Headline in the local newspaper next day read,

"Nut Screws Washer and Bolts”.

What did the nut say while chasing the other nut? Ima cashew

Why are mechanics absent fathers? Because they nut and bolt

First we had No Nut November.... Now we have No Net December.

What was the news headline when a crazy man sexually assaulted two laundry women and ran away? NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS!

What is Captain Kirk’s least favorite type of nut? Pe-KAAAAAHHHHHNNNNNN!!!!

What did one nut say when it was chasing the other nut ? I'mma cashew

What did the nut say to the nut it was chasing? I'm a cashew

Did you hear about the guy who escaped from a lunatic asylum, raped a bunch of old women in a laundrette then ran away? The newspaper headlines the next day read:

#**NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS**#

What does a sneezing nut sound like? *Ca-shew.*

What's the difference between beer nut and deer nuts? Beer nuts will cost you about $1.25. Deer nuts are under a buck.

I know why they call it Almond Milk Cause you can’t say Nut Juice with a straight face.

What happens when you fail at No Nut November? Nuttin'.

Little known fact, you can actually nut during No Nut November You just can't let anyone cashew

Who will survive no nut november the longest? The people with a severe nut allergy

What do you call a nut that goes missing? AWOL-nut!
ba dum tisss

My dog's name is Butter. one day, I went outside and accidentally stepped on his testicles. Anybody want some butter nut squash?

What nut is not gluten free? A doughnut

What do you call a feminist assassin? A nut cracker.

A guy working on giving me urine and sperm samples tried to tell me how to do my job. I said hey, no comments from the pee/nut gallery.

A squirrel took the "you are what you eat" phrase too seriously. He was a nut.

What's Trump's favorate kind of nut? Walnuts